I hope that this year has been a prosperous one for you. I hope that, whatever you set out to do at the beginning of this year, you have succeeded or are on the right path in reaching it.
But it is important to know that whatever you want to achieve in this coming year, it is done for you. Nobody else.
Sure, you’ll get support from the ones who you can put your trust in. You know the ones. They proved before that they will pick you up when you’re down and go out of their way to help you out.
But then you will come across those who place expectations upon you and sneer at your downfalls or shortcomings. You will never please these people so you don’t even need to concern yourself in trying to. For these people, you just need to limit your time around them. Don’t hate them. Don’t become them.
I came across a quote the other day and it made a lot of sense to me but, forgive me, I’ve tried to find the owner of this quote but I don’t know who it is. Maybe you do? It says…
“No matter how good you are, people will judge you according to their mood and needs.”
Not all people. As I say, you know the ones. But you’ll get a little alarm bell that sounds in your head when you speak to someone who will.
It might be a snigger as you tell them about your fitness goal or a mocking shake of the head as you express yourself about a lost relationship or job opportunity.
You know the face they pull, right? The ‘how did you ever think you could date that person?’ look.
Maybe their needs and mood could be helped by your supportive attention, but it’s not your job. Just make sure that you protect you first of all. You can’t help anybody if you aren’t protecting yourself first of all.
So let’s start thinking about what you want to achieve in 2024. Think big. But remember that some people won’t want you to get there, no matter how good you become at striving for it.
A bit of a whirlwind day today. This morning, unexpectedly, we were told that we could have the keys to our new property in Portugal!
The deal is to be finalised by the end of January but the current owners have kindly allowed us to have the keys to be able to begin making it our own.
And there’s no doubt, this will be a long process. We’ve been there today and it’s been tiring, so I’m a bit too knackered now to describe the work we need to do on the property but I did take a few pictures so I can put some bullet points attached to let you get an idea of what will be our home and our new wellbeing centre at Pinheiros Tranquilos.
As you approach the property you are met by sprawling fields. This particular piece of land will be used by us, mainly for the boys to be able to play sports.A part of the property, beyond the field is forests of pine trees which will be ideal for several meditation sites and future glamping projects.Back towards the buildings there are two houses with habitation licences. This enables us to live in one, which is already habitable, and the smaller building which will need renovation to become a rental accommodation.The back of the rental accommodation shows some of the work needed to be carried out. The road nearby is very quiet and is mainly used by visitors to Trizio River beach and agricultural vehicles.The patio area and the largest outbuilding will become the massage treatment room and also there’s potential for a bar and shop as a future project. Seating will be provided and also group exercise sessions can be done from here.The smaller outbuilding is where my personal training equipment will be kept. It is possible to train inside as it will be equipped with weights, bench, pulleys and cables but I also imagine that much of the training will be done outdoors.There are many fruit trees on the property to be picked at your leisure.
We went at around 6pm and it is late December so it doesn’t look as bright and sunny as we have seen it previously! Plus it’s all a bit untidy and overgrown after being left for a couple of months. But the hard work starts now regarding our new home and business. I’ll keep you updated on how we get on, plus our experiences on filming A New Life In The Sun!
Since Jonas was five he has played football for Scarborough Athletic. He was only able to train with the under 7’s team as he was too young, but once the new season started, he was able to play official matches.
Now ten, he has a new challenge coming up. Soon he will begin training with his new team, Sertanense, a club based in Sertá, central Portugal, ready for the new season in September.
Both Jonas and his younger brother Finlay will be starting a new school in Portugal in the new year and this is the biggest challenge of all seeing as it will include learning a new language (it is a local school and not an international school). It also means that they’ll not be with us every hour of every day which has been the case for the past few months as we made the permanent move.
Things are happening quickly for them. Lou and I don’t know how they will react on the morning of the 3rd of January when we take them to their new school. So far, when we talk about it, the signs are good. But to them it’s still Christmas. January might seem a distance yet. In reality it is a week today as I write this.
Finlay seems to want to take up a martial art as his extra curricular activity. He plays football, but it seems a bit more forced because he just joins in what Jonas is doing. But he doesn’t seem to have that passion for it. He doesn’t like watching it, whereas Jonas will analyse a period of play and talk about positioning during a game on TV. I’ve had play fights with Finlay. I think Karate or Judo will be a good choice for him. He’ll be a black belt in no time.
I’m trying not to transfer my fears onto the boys. What I mean by that is maybe I’m more scared than they are. They might just walk into school without any issues. Jonas might run onto the training pitch with 20 other kids with no problems. Maybe it’s me who has the nerves.
I hated new beginnings. The start of a new school term and definitely a new school still makes me shudder. And I never really pursued any extra curricular stuff as a kid because it meant meeting new people. I just stayed in the safe zone as much as possible.
But there’s a little bit of our move which is exactly for this purpose. We wanted to take ourselves and our kids out of the safe zone. A couple of years ago I never expected to be speaking Portuguese to a postal worker in a sorting office with no knowledge of English about my missing post. But I did that today. It’s a little achievement, but a massive confidence boost that he actually understood me.
I’ve been driving along cliff edges on an unfamiliar side of the road in rural Portugal. We bought an old farm house that we intend to make into a well being centre and guest house. Individually, each one of us has a zone which becomes out of their comfort. Mine might not seem like much to some people, but I’m enjoying finding my zone and continuing to challenge it.
And that’s the ultimate goal for my kids. That they can feel the discomfort in walking into a new class room, karate group or football pitch, thrive and grow from it and enjoy their achievements. Overcoming new and different experiences can make us more rounded, happier people.
I always told my new clients this whenever they felt like entering the gym became too much for them. Gyms can be an intimidating place. That’s why just stepping into the gym as a new member is the first goal. Not a deadlift or 20 minute treadmill run, but just entering the gym. From then on, with consistency, each visit gets easier to do.
Perhaps you have a new challenge that you want to focus on in the new year? My advice is to take that first step. It might mean leaving your comfort zone, but it’ll feel all the more sweeter when you overcome it.
I’ll keep you informed on mine and my family’s achievements in the coming weeks. Be sure to tell me yours.
For the past couple of years my boys, aged 7 and 10, have been asking me if I know who Rick Astley is. As a child of the 80’s, I certainly do know of Rick Astley. Well, now my kids know of him too. Apparently he has a ‘Rick roll’ dance on the game Fortnite. But Rick seems to be yesterday’s news (or dance) and it is now a craze of Eminem.
Last week Jonas asked me if I knew of Eminem. With a ‘Pffft!’ I answered ‘yes of course!’
You see, back in the early 00’s, I dusted off my old Brian Harvey baggy jeans that I wore during the ‘Stay Now’ days, out came the basketball vests and bubble jacket, I bleached my thinning hair blonde and tried to capture the Marshall Mathers look. There’s nothing that my kids can tell me about Eminem.
Well, they can. Worryingly so.
Jonas is now walking around the house like Harry Enfield’s Kevin from Kevin and Perry quoting songs from Eminem.
It seems like everything that those of a certain age did back in the day to worry their parents is coming back to bite us in the arse. Rick Astley aside, it seems that my kids are beginning to dredge back up all of my most unfortunate memories from being young.
I vaguely remember getting stoned to Family Guy. I could easily get through four seasons without moving from my pit. Low and behold, Peter the ‘Family Guy’ has become a video game character that my kids are obsessed with.
If Mr Tumble brings out a hit song with Marylin Manson then I’ll start to think that the universe has it in for me.
Recently, I’ve begun to realise just how hard it was for my parents. It’s difficult to keep your children away from the latest craze if all of their mates are into it. Doing the right thing is tough. What is the right thing?
Today we bought them both smartphones for Christmas. They’re both too young, I know, but their friends all communicate on WhatsApp and seeing as our boys can no longer see their friends in person, a phone seemed like our only option.
I’m not sure you can ever get it right as a parent. Jonas is obsessed with Eminem now, but how can I allow Jonas to listen to his sweary lyrics?!
Well, luckily there are a few YouTube sites with ‘clean’ versions, but I’m putting a lot of trust in Jonas in keeping to those sites that I have found for him. If he comes out of his bedroom with a hockey mask and a chainsaw, I will know that he has detoured from them.
I was slightly insulted when Jonas asked me if I knew of Eminem. I used to be cool. I could spit some bars with the best of them…
…or maybe not.
But I still know of Eminem!
Truth be told if I had a choice I would much rather listen to Rick Astley’s songs than Eminem these days. I’m more Go West than Kanye. You get what I mean.
But either way, It looks like I’ll have to get to know these rappers all over again.
I don’t want to bog you down with the diet conversation too much now. I’ve been blogging for over a year and a lot of my earlier content was about different diets, a calorie deficit and weight maintenance and seeing as the science on these subjects hasn’t changed in that time I don’t feel the need to repeat it. You can always look back in my posts to find the relevant reads for you.
But, especially at this time of year, I get lots of people asking me what the best diet is for a new year’s resolution or how to stick to a diet during the Christmas period.
Bearing in mind that I’m now living in a country where their bitoque dishes come with rice and excessive amounts of chips on the same plate (carbtastic!) and the best pastel de natas for a little sobremesa treat, I’m also keen to find that happy foodie head place where I can still meet weight maintenance goals and enjoy my meals.
Enter The 20%
I, like many others that I speak to, will say things like…
“I’ve quit smoking…
I’ve cut down on alcohol…
I’ve got kids/work/family/friends who depend on me and I get stressed…
I don’t need to train for a marathon/Olympics…
I just want to be fitter, healthier, stronger and happier.
Why can’t I just enjoy a freakin’ pizza if I want one?!!”
Well, here’s the thing. We can. We can have pizza, a burger, an extra Yorkshire pud on our Christmas dinner plate. But we need to stick to one rough bit of math. If we can consume 20% of the food and drink that are considered non-nutritional, then for the most of us we will be in a good weight maintenance place. And if the other 80% of the food is full of vitamins, proteins and nutrients, then there’s a good chance of weight reduction.
Let’s take the traditional Christmas lunch as an example. Turkey breast is a protein monster coming in at about 30g in a serving. And the vegetables…sprouts have a great fibre content with 8g per serving. Carrots promote bone health with high calcium and vitamin k content. Red cabbage reduces inflammation. Parsnips are full of vitamin C and can help regulate blood pressure.
Then there’s the potatoes. You can’t have a Christmas dinner without a few roasties. Rich in iron, they can improve digestion. So even if we add the pigs in blankets and Yorkshire pudding, we can safely say that we’re in the 80% zone for highly nutritious food. Leaving us with a good 20% to play with. Heck! We could even add a pate starter and a pudding as long as we keep to sensible portions.
But Christmas time is tricky for other reasons. The actual Christmas dinner is not the problem. The tub of celebrations, the nibbles and the Irish cream, now there’s the problem!
We can, however, still be indulgent. We can eat some chocolates and not the whole tub or have a few alcoholic drinks without drinking the bar dry.
Even on a day of celebration, we should still stick to 20% of non-nutritional drinks. Water, coffee, tea, juice, milk will all be your friend if you plan to have a drink to get tiddly and you’ll be grateful for the 80% of positive fluids by the next morning.
The Bottom Line
Whether it’s the festive period or not, every day you should be thinking about what positive, nutritional food you could have with your next meal. But omitting everything else that you might enjoy is often a counter productive practice, where you just end up resenting the process and being miserable. And sooner or later, you quit the process and start right back at the beginning…anxious with no idea where to turn.
Be mindful about the nutrition that you put into your body, but don’t cut out the other stuff entirely. Think 20%. That 20% might just keep you on track.
I thought I would share with you my week so far. This includes a trip to Coimbra before celebrating my son’s birthday in Sertá.
It’s difficult at the moment to post as often as I did a few months ago, which I hate, but we have had a few things going on and Finlay and Jonas have been with us every step of the way! So I’m writing this on an evening as they’re tucked up in bed and I have a glass of Sagres to chill out with. So here’s the week so far…
Lou and I thought that a bus journey to Coimbra and an overnight stay would be a real treat for the boys as we have promised them that we would travel around Portugal as much as possible to discover the culture (and the shopping centres!)
We regretted not exploring Scarborough and its surroundings as much as we would have liked since moving there in 2018 and we don’t want to make the same mistake again. I blame COVID lockdowns for this, but in the past 12 months ‘Project Portugal’ had also become our focus.
The Rede Express coaches are a good way of getting around Portugal and Spain as it works out cheaper than driving the car due to fuel and tolls. I also don’t fancy the stress of the roads. I’m new to driving on the ‘wrong’ side of the road and I still need to keep reminding myself of which way the oncoming traffic is coming as I approach a junction. Sitting on a coach for an hour and fifteen minutes seemed like a good idea.
Our priority for Lou and I in Coimbra was to find birthday presents for Jonas and Christmas presents. It has a big shopping centre called The Forum. That’s where we headed first. It isn’t the most cultural of experiences that we would have preferred, but needs must. It’s basically a big White Rose Centre and as I say, we needed to find gifts.
Sertá, which is where we currently live and will be buying a house, is beautiful. But it is no ‘shop til you drop’ experience. We needed a big city. We needed glitz and glamour. We needed the bright lights and the buzz. We needed to join the hoards of shoppers looking for a Christmas bargain. We needed Primark.
We did, however, manage an evening at the Coimbra Christmas market. Something that is difficult to comprehend for us is the warm air even during the evening. As we walked around the stalls with our light jumpers or t-shirts, we noticed the locals in their bubble jackets and wooly hats. I mentioned a few times to Lou that it was ‘muggy’ as I patted my sweaty head down, trying not to look too touristy. I failed.
Coimbra was a hoot. We did enjoy dipping our toes into a bigger city. We also liked getting back to Sertá.
So then it was Jonas’ tenth birthday on Wednesday. We were worried that we wouldn’t be able to achieve a ‘special’ day for him as, for the first time on his birthday, he wouldn’t be around his friends in the UK. And, despite our trip to the shops in Coimbra, it was still difficult to do a great gift shop seeing as he was with us. However, a bit of planning months ago back in the UK meant that we had already purchased some gifts for him.
We also went for pizza at his favourite pizza restaurant, R&R, and had cake back at the apartment. Despite everything being a bit different, I think he really enjoyed his day.
There’s been some serious stuff to overcome this week too. Time was running out in getting them a start date for school in January. Lou and I have been getting a little nervous about this as the paperwork and communication between their previous school, North Yorkshire council, the Portuguese authorities and their new school hasn’t been easy. Everything must be translated and, along the way, bits of important information have been getting lost in translation.
But yesterday we received good news. Jonas and Finlay will be starting their new school, Escola Basica Padre Antonio Louranço Farinha, on the 3rd of January. The boys took the news very well. I really hope that, come the day, they are still happy to be going.
They have been constantly with us now for 7 weeks, 9 by the new year, they are in a different country with a new language to learn. I remember going back to school after a holiday. Even worse, starting a new school. I’d feel sick to my stomach the night before. My boys will have to be much braver than I ever was.
But this was always meant to be a part of our journey. To put us in new, challenging situations. To learn and grow as people. The 3rd of January will be yet another challenge for our kids. And it’s a biggy.
So, there we go! I think I’m up to date with this eventful week. Keep checking in for my updates leading up to Christmas!
I often find the answers in the most unlikely of places. Well, unlikely to some. But for me, standing by the sea and observing the waves gently ebb in and out or in a forest as the dappled sun light dances through the branches, that’s when I am thinking clearly. Perhaps you have a favourite place where you feel inspired and where you can figure out a little puzzle that’s been on your mind.
Poet Becky Hemsley wrote…
“And she stopped…and she heard what the trees said to her. And she sat there for hours not wanting to leave. For the forest said nothing, it just let her breathe.”
As I gaze at the stars on an evening, miles away from traffic and humans other than my sleeping family, the silence is deafening. It is so profound that it takes on its own quality. A quality that is very difficult to convey.
So I just breathe. In that moment, I don’t need to do anything else.
My work includes instructing people on how to breathe. A strange job, right? After all, we breathe from birth. How can I teach that? Not that I have ever thought of it like that until now. As a fitness instructor, I need to teach a breathing pattern for a client to be able to perform an exercise correctly. This can take weeks or months to perfect. Even then, the professionals still need a reminder now and again.
And in a meditation therapy session the breathing techniques can be the most important aspect. It’s how we tune in and connect with our body.
But taking a moment to realise your breathing isn’t exclusive to these activities. Just five minutes in a quiet environment can help, but finding your favourite place, your ‘happy place’ and spending quality time there can be a game changer. Sometimes, you don’t even need to be there in person.
Have a think about where your favourite places are. Imagine being there now. Close your eyes, take a deep breath and put yourself there.
Sometimes you just need to stop and listen to the trees.
Finlay’s tooth has been threatening to fall out for months. He has wobbled it, pulled it and tugged on it but the little blighter has held on by a thread.
Until yesterday.
His front tooth finally fell out. No fuss, no blood. Just popped out.
‘So!’ announced Finlay, ‘I’ll be getting a Euro from the Tooth Fairy tonight!’
He is right, of course, that the tooth fairy does indeed visit our home on tooth-coming-out occasions but here’s what you should know about the tooth fairy that has been allocated to us.
Finlay is adamant that the Tooth Fairy is a ‘he’, so for the sake of this article and in danger of misgendering our Tooth Fairy, I’ll refer to him as male.
But this is where the issue may stem from. He might be upset that we call him a ‘him’. You see, the Tooth Fairy didn’t turn up through the night. No euro was left and Finlay’s milky white was still there, under his pillow, all wrapped up in a bit of tissue.
So Lou and I have spent the morning making excuses for our Tooth Fairy. We told Finlay that, perhaps due to us having a few different addresses in the past few months, he wasn’t sure where we lived.
We waited a moment to see Finlay’s reaction as we tried to defend our erratic Fairy friend from Toothland.
I’m not sure that was believable.
I went on to explain that, due to the backlog of tooth fallings out recently he might be running late. I used my birthday card as an example. I was due my card from my dad on the 14th of November from England. It is now the 2nd of December and it still hasn’t arrived.
But likening the Tooth Fairy to the lackadaisical postal system in central Portugal didn’t seem to wash with young Finlay.
Ok, Here’s The Truth
The truth is that the Tooth Fairy is a very hard, honest working Fairy who was well aware of Finlay’s tooth under his pillow but had fallen asleep that evening after a few glasses of port watching Netflix.
The Tooth Fairy, in waking up a little disoriented on the sofa, totally forgot to take the tooth and leave a Euro.
It was a total black mark on an otherwise glittering CV, but the Tooth Fairy had fucked up this time.
Still, I attempted to defend him. I told Finlay that the Tooth Fairy had a much tougher job than Santa. Santa has loads of elves to make presents and then Santa does his job on one night and takes all the credit!
I mean, there’s actually some credibility in my argument, right?
Tonight, I’m sure, the Tooth Fairy will have had a sobering talking to with his conscience and will totally be on it tonight. Finlay, however, is unaware of the damning truth that the Tooth Fairy got carried away with a bottle of Port and forgot to put a Euro under his pillow last night.
So we have given Finlay a little tip. We told him that the Tooth Fairy might like a note of appreciation, asking for his tooth to be taken, and this is what he might be waiting for. Just a little letter of thanks for the job he does. After all, the Tooth Fairy might also be a parent who is trying to do their very best.
I don’t think that the Tooth Fairy will let us down tonight.
As a child I would watch my sporting heroes who would inspire me and enable me to dream of one day following them in their achievements.
Just to name a few, sportspeople like Paul ‘Gazza’ Gascoigne, Jimmy ‘The Whirlwind’ White and Andre Agassi excited me as they performed in their professional sport. They excited me because, although they were never considered the very best, they had an abundance of character to compete with those who were. A part of their edge is perhaps also down to the fact that they have each had their own mental health struggles.
Gazza
And it appeared to me as I watched a recent Netflix documentary about Robbie Williams that most of the ‘famous’ people that I like or admire have mental health problems.
For some reason I’ve always followed William’s career. I don’t even like his type of music. But I could see, from afar, that he was desperately unhappy. The cheeky chappy who always wanted to play the clown and say something controversial, act differently and seem to go out of his way to be disliked. That was me as a teenager and young man. And seeing as we’re of similar age, he connected with me.
Similarly with Gazza. As a young footballer I wanted to be him. I watched World Cup Italia ’90 as a 12 year old in absolute awe of what Gazza could do with a football. I’m sure many kids did. He played for Spurs, I supported Liverpool and my mates supported Manchester United or Leeds. But it didn’t matter. That summer, we all had Gazza T-shirts on under our England shell suits.
None of my idols admitted to any sort of mental health issues, though. Yes, there had been drugs and alcohol issues, getting into trouble with the law and well documented domestic issues, but they never actually came out and said ‘I am depressed’ or ‘I need help’. Certainly not publicly.
This week, England and Saracens rugby captain Owen Farrell has made a statement saying that ‘in order to prioritise his and his family’s wellbeing’, he will be taking a break from International duties. This coming from a man who has lived and breathed the sport in an extremely masculine environment is highly commendable. Yes, winning World Cups and Six Nations trophies are important. They train incredibly hard for that moment. But it is not as important as an individual or their family’s mental health. Being an elite athlete is about recognising that. He did and he has acted on it.
Owen Farrell
Another of my idols, albeit a bit before my time, is Bill Shankly. He once said, “Some people believe that football is a matter of life and death. I am very disappointed with that. I can assure you it is much more important than that.”
With the world that we live in I am sure many people will qualify in justifiably being able to disagree with him. Sport is sport. Life is life. However, as a coach myself I can understand exactly what he means. During a training session of mine or a client’s, I expect that to be the only thing that matters in that moment. Whatever is going on outside of the gym must be parked there. That is how we achieve fitness results and how elite sportspeople achieve medals and trophies. But inevitably we have a life away from that, even the professionals who are making a living from their sport. They have families. They have feelings. They are fallible. No matter what their earnings are, where they live or what car they drive, mental health does not care. It can take a hold of anybody.
Perhaps mental health is, at last, being talked about much more openly than it used to be. I knew, even as a kid, that these sportspeople that I idolised were different from their counterparts. Their behaviours didn’t always fit the acceptable requirements of their team, professional body that they represented or the media. But did they even know that they had mental health concerns? Even if they did, what options did they have?
The UK in the 80’s and 90’s was a very different place to be an upcoming sports superstar to what it is now. For the likes of Gazza, he had to perform in front of terraces known for chanting fans abusing the footballers for anything they could. Any sort of ‘weakness’ or admittance to needing help would have been disastrous for him and his career. And this baying mob mentality was led by the written press at the time. They loved his antics, but I often wondered if they were laughing with him or at him.
In my opinion, social media has nothing on the British tabloids of the 90’s. Social media has, for every bad, a cause for good too. The tabloids, however, could ruin you in an instant if you didn’t stick to its narrative. It’s hard to imagine a rugby player talking about mental health back then. So, though saddening to hear that Owen Farrell feels that he needs to step down from his England duties, it is encouraging to know that he can without being abused for it. At least from the majority of us decent folk.
Heroes aren’t just the ones who lift the trophy at the end of a game.
Never Give Up PT 