wellness – Page 24 – Never Give Up PT

South Bay

My gym time is limited to just going in to train my clients during the Easter holidays and I’m enjoying the wind down from training myself. Luckily with two lively boys though I knew that I would remain active. So I might not be pushing, pulling and lifting my way to fitness but I’m sure feeling like I’ve had a good workout each day! Now into the second week of the holidays and my step count must be off the scale. And there’s a good reason for that.

Along with touring the numerous play parks, playing football in the garden and walking around every 2p machine that Scarborough’s South bay has to offer, at the beginning of the holiday I was informed that the trams to take us down do the beach weren’t working. If you’ve ever visited Scarborough you will know that there are either steep hills or steps to go up and down the cliff or there are the trams. And seeing as all the trams have been taken away for maintenance I now have buns of steel.

The beauty of where we live is that we’re out of the tourist hot spot of South Bay enough to appreciate the quieter side of Scarborough but close enough to dip our toe into the packed beach and amusements to feel like a day tripper over the holidays. My favourite bays are by far the hidden gem of Cornelian Bay where we live and the calmer Cayton Bay, but the kids are attracted to the fun and games that South Bay has to offer and I must admit when the 2p’s start falling I get a little carried away myself!

I’ll look back fondly at the Easter holidays, but I’ll also breath a sigh of relief when I pack the boys off to school too. I need to go back to work full time for the rest!

But if the boys are like me they will look back at the amusements, the donkey rides and ice cream on the beach as fondly as I remember my childhood holidays at Scarborough. My days at Skipsea, Hornsea, Primrose Valley and Morcombe stay with me much more than the holidays abroad as a kid. The sun, food, culture and intrigue at being in a different country was always a wonderful experience, but having parents, grandparents, cousins, aunties and uncles all squeezing into a caravan to play cards on the coast of England was magical. I can still hear the laughter. And now with some of those family members no longer with us, those memories become even more special.

Our plan is to transfer our business ideas to France one day, but the more memories we can create here in England the better. I know that many memories can be created along the beaches of La Rochelle but I’m not sure it is famous for its fish and chips, joke shops, candy floss or saucy postcards. Perhaps if our business fails in France we could try selling Kiss Me Quick hats to the locals.

The cliffs at Scarborough are tough to get up and down but as a tight Yorkshire man even if the trams were working I’d be telling the family that we’re walking just to save a couple of quid! But also I don’t really want to pass on the opportunity to get the heart rate up a little and have a decent walk. As I always tell my clients, if you can’t get to the gym make sure that you manage a decent walk in the fresh air. Just make sure that if you ever walk down to the beach at Scarborough you can get back up again!

I Have No Idea Where He Gets It From!

I think I’d make a good Batman. I’m not rich and the Juke is nothing like the Batmobile, although a couple of shopping bags in either boot would be a struggle. My wife complains about the boot of the Juke after every shopping trip but I reckon she’d be disappointed just as much with the Batmobile’s boot. Does it even have one? Does Batman even need 20 ‘bags for life’ bags, de-icer spray, boxing pads and a torch stashed in his car boot?

I don’t have his house either. There’s no Bat Cave behind our bookcase. In fact the biggest secret behind it is that the colour of the wall doesn’t match the exposed wall seeing as we painted around the bookcase. If only lockdown three could have been a day longer we would have got that wall finished.

And I don’t have his suit either. Not unless you include the pyjama onesy but I don’t think that would frighten away the Joker. It’s cosy enough but it doesn’t demand authority. But, still, I think I’d make a good Batman.

One of my favourite past times in the gym is hanging around upside down on the gymnastic rings. It’s a cracking core workout, but my desire to do it simply comes from the fact that it’s rather fun to be suspended upside down! And I thought I was alone in my strange hobby but as it turns out my youngest has a real talent for it too! It takes a good lot of strength to be able to carry your body weight on parallel bars and rings and if you have seen the gymnasts that perform these moves in competition they are super ripped athletes.

I can’t claim to be a gymnast though. My ambition was always to perfect the ‘human flag’ technique until I damaged my shoulder which set me back a bit in my bench press. The bench press takes priority over the human flag so I had to put a stop to that. But my youngest son might just have the knack. At 5, if he continues hanging upside down and doing crazy things that have the other parents in the play park cringing then he could be a very good gymnast. I think we might have to revisit the gymnastic classes. We used to take him when he was two but he didn’t have the attention span for it.

My eldest is a little bit more cautious when it comes to climbing on frames and trees. He tends to keep his feet on the ground most likely kicking a football. But his younger brother will happily swing, jump and lift himself to the highest point of equipment in the play park. I look at the other parents and say “I have no idea where he gets it from”, knowing full well come tomorrow I’ll be hanging upside down in my very own play park at the gym!

I might not have the car, the money or the house but I’ve got a few moves of my own that would make Bruce Wayne jealous.

Petit Dejeuner

This morning I discovered that I like blueberry shredded wheat. I also found out that I do actually have the stomach for a breakfast. This is something that I tend to put off until elevenses. I’m learning lots at the dining room table today. The family sat at the dining room table and ate together in the morning for the first time in months. There’s a few reasons why we don’t manage this more often. My lack of appetite on early mornings plus the chaos of getting the boys ready for school (and us for work) are the two main ones, but it’s the Easter Holidays and although I’m dressed and ready for work the boys are still in their pajamas with no great hurry to be anywhere. 15 minutes sitting at the breakfast table was a real treat.

I made some other discoveries too. I now know how to describe the weather in French, Finlay can count in two’s to ten in French and Jonas can count to 69 in French. The French throw a curve ball from 70 onwards so a few more family breakfast times might be needed for this.

Chef Alice Waters once said, “It’s around the table and in the preparation of food that we learn about ourselves and about our world.”

Our evening meal is when we usually get to sit together as a family. Football practice or working late can sometimes make this impossible for us all but it is the one time that we make the effort to be able to sit down together with our meal. This is when I find out about the kid’s and my wife’s day. I ask the boys what they have learnt at school and it can often bring about conversations about their aspirations, thoughts, fears and laughter as we sit and chat over our cottage pie. Having a map of the world in the dining room prompts discussions about politics, flags, history and current events and the French poster keeps us brushed up on the language which is important if our vision of moving to France to persue our business ideas eventually comes to fruition. We wouldn’t move to a country without having a good grasp of the language, so I must improve on my skills from sounding like Inspector Clouseau for that to happen!

Sitting together and eating a meal can make us value what it is that we are eating too. I hate the rushed occasions where I’m having to grab a bite to eat in the kitchen whilst quickly putting something together for the boys before their football practice. There are certain things throughout the day that we have to do which should be observed with the respect that it deserves. Eating a meal should be one of those times. But I’m a realist and realise that this isn’t always possible, so when it does it should be special. If the effort and want to do it is there then preparing a healthy meal and having the time to eat it can happen with regularity.

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Working times have changed massively in the past 20 years. 9-5 in the office is no longer the norm. 14 hour shifts, night shifts, sleep ins, split shifts, working from home and on call are all very popular working structures now but this has disrupted the family home. You are having to adapt to your working hours yet your body has consistent periods of hunger and tiredness each day that might not fit in with what is required of you in your job or your family life. You get stretched to the limits by your obligations and commitments.

But just like your obligation at clocking in for duty, preparing a meal and sitting down to eat should be a high priority too. That is your duty to yourself. Your boss won’t care that your sugar levels are low. Your 8 year old doesn’t care that you’ve skipped a meal as long as you drive them to football practice. The only person that you can truly rely on to create a structure to your meal times is yourself.

Perhaps when the holidays are over and the chaos that is the school morning routine begins again I can look at changing my attitude to eating at breakfast time with the family. Now I’ve found a cereal that I actually like I could look at waking 15 minutes earlier to dedicate this time to sitting and eating together. I’ll be sure to let you know if this happens when the kids go back to school and maybe one day I might even decide that porridge isn’t like wall paper paste after all!

Easter Holidays

“Daddy!” My youngest called from the sitting room. I was wiping the kitchen surface down for the umpteenth time today. They’re growing lads so the food prep throughout the day is lengthy. “Look at our new dance!” I went into the sitting room to see some shapes being thrown by my two boys. It’s probably from Fortnite. At their age I was giving it the ‘Prince Charming’ moves by Adam Ant so I get it. In fact, at 43, I still get the Adam Ant moves out after a few G&T’s.

It’s the Easter holidays. We are fortunate enough to have jobs where we can juggle the holidays and our work. The financial loss in our businesses due to lockdowns took it’s toll on us and we can’t justify holiday clubs every day for me to be at the gym and my wife at work, so I’ve been seeing lots of new dance routines this week. Today, I’m with the boys and my wife is at work. In the past it has seemed like we are spinning too many plates and trying not to smash them.

The gym, even when I haven’t got a client booked in, is my place of work. Just by being there and talking to people I can attract new customers and build new relationships. But this week I’ve definitely been ‘daddy’. Due to my online coaching at least I can still do work from home if I need to.

One thing that I can’t do though is train myself. The one thing that has kept my mental and physical health in check for the past 25 years has taken a back seat. Going to the gym is a necessity to my business of course, but it also plays a vital role in my wellness. The gym is my favourite place to be in my free time, not just in my professional time. It’s where I feel at home.

Yet this week it’s at my actual home where I find myself with my kids. To be fair, living in a town which is one of the most visited places in the UK during the holidays is a fun place to be with two young kids. So far we have played football on the beach, visited the amusements and walked along the cliff tops looking out to sea in search of dolphins. Scarborough is pretty cool like that. There’s always something to do with two lively boys.

Hearing their calls of “Daddy” still surprises me. I sometimes take a moment to think to myself, ‘they’re talkin to me! I’m a dad!’ It gives me a feeling like nothing else to think that I am their daddy. I’m a lucky man. And not training myself in the gym for a couple of weeks is well worth it. After all, to be what I want to be inside of the gym I must be the best person I can be outside of it. The foundations of success comes from the 23 hours outside of the gym. Being the best husband and dad is now my biggest goal in life. Master that and the rest is easy.

The Easter holidays have been planned in my workout programme, of course, so I have accounted for this. As long as I stay active and my nutrition stays stable, not going to the gym isn’t going to disrupt my progress. My body needs a rest sometimes. I’ve just finished six weeks of strength and power training so this couple of weeks will be a perfect break until I begin a hypertrophy cycle. It’ll get intense again. So giving my body a rest is important.

But there was a time where this would have freaked me out. Not going to the gym to train myself would have left me feeling flat. I would have felt like my progress had been stalled or totally derailed by not training. I now know that this isn’t true. I can not only rationalize this, but I know that it is in my best interest to put the weights down from time to time.

As much as I know that staying in the best condition in the gym is important to me, watching the latest floss dance from my kids is the most enlightening thing that I can do. It’s moments with my wife and kids like yesterday at Piglets Farm near York that will stay with me. The next gym visit is a vital component to my wellbeing but will always be secondary to creating memories with my family. I no longer have to spin so many plates, I simply just put them to one side until I’m ready to spin again.

Scapegoating

My job as a PT is made much easier from me having the experiences of many of my clients. I’ve got the qualifications but what really allows me to guide my clients is my ability to delve into my own past and draw parallels with them. Along with the many coaches that I have worked with in the past, I also became pretty good at coaching myself.

I have had the anxieties about my body. Am I too skinny? Am I too fat? I need more muscle to be accepted. I need to eat better but I like kebabs after a few pints. Should I try fasting? My friends inject steroids so I should do the same? I want results but can’t be bothered to workout this week. I might as well give up on my goals.

I have felt almost every emotion there is when it comes to my training and my eating habits and I still keep finding new things out about myself and my personality. Perhaps the journey is meant to keep surprising us all. But now, if it is a negative discovery or a challenging one I am now confident in knowing how to solve it.

One particular challenge seems to be one that I hear from people that I speak to often. We seem to choose a relatively harmless food to scapegoat. I’ve thrown certain foods into the wilderness, too, so i can empathize.

When we are deciding what we can or can’t eat during a diet we go through a process which is often a distorted version of reality. This presents an exaggerated response or conclusion. Therefore, the reason that you are over weight must be because of the banana that you eat every day. The issue has been simplified to suit your case. The banana has been demonized because it is easier to do than focus on your alcohol intake or the amount of fast food you eat each week.

Fruit can get a bad rap at the best of times because it is high in sugar and I also made the arguement to myself that the apple, grapes, the banana I ate each day was the cause of unwanted weight gain. I didn’t want the copious amounts of beer and takeaways on the weekend to be the issue. I sacrificed the fruit. The fruit didn’t impinge on my lifestyle. Had I addressed my drinking and fast food choices, it certainly would have done.

The truth is the reason for my weight gain wasn’t the banana at all and nor was it the drink or takeaways. I realized that no food was the enemy. It was me and how I abused food that was the real issue. Having a drink with friends or a fast food meal didn’t have to stop. A daily banana didn’t either, of course. But it was the amount of food and drink that I was consuming that had caused weight gain. If I consistently put more calories into my body than I needed each week then I would see a slow increase in my weight.

Every successful client of mine will still enjoy a slice of cake with friends or a beer in the pub. Occasionally, they might have an unplanned event within their day which meant they had to ‘grab and go’ at their local Gregg’s or chippy and they’re doing it guilt free. Because what surrounds all of these acts are accountability, hard work and a positive relationship with food.

You don’t need to scapegoat a banana. Instead of blaming a banana at a 100 calories, see how you can make positive steps in reducing your overall daily calories to suit your goals. When you start banning foods you have an unhealthy attitude to ‘good’ foods and ‘bad’ foods. You beging to resent the process and often resent yourself for sometimes choosing the ‘bad’ food. This leads to further depression about your weight and binge eating due to your ‘failures’.

Choose a banana, just not the whole bunch. Choose a slice of cake, but not the whole cake. Choose fish and chips, pizza, apple, water, choose loads of veg with as many meals as possible. Choose a cheese sandwich on white bread but don’t use the whole loaf or block of cheese, choose a chocolate but not the whole tin and choose a beer, just not the whole keg. Choose life.

I’m Too Sexy

I never really had a problem with losing my hair. Perhaps when I first realized that I was receding as a teenager I panicked and tried shampooing my head with olive oil a few times but, as I say, I wasn’t overly concerned so I soon stopped as nothing happened anyway. Had I come out of the bathroom looking like Captain Caveman I might have carried on. Instead I persisted with the balding Kurt Cobain look.

But something happened to the baldies in the 90’s especially for those older than me and has probably still made a difference to the attitude of society in the UK. In a fictional London market place called Albert Square walked in the Mitchell brothers. They were two bald, burley, no nonsense characters in soap opera EastEnders that had the bald men if the UK snipping off their comb overs quicker than you could say ‘Get outta my pub!’

Being bald was accepted. Even David Beckham ditched his mohawk for the shaven look. Before you knew it walking down Briggate in Leeds looked like one big Right Said Fred convention.

Also back in the 90’s something else happened. Not only did the media have a big influence in us seeing baldness in a different light, but they also pointed out Princess Diana’s cellulite on the front page of a Sunday rag and in doing so made not just Diana with an eating disorder paranoid but millions of other women feeling insecure too. All of a sudden just as men ditched their comb overs, olive oil and toupees, woman began to buy magic creams and cover up. It’s like a disease had been discovered on a papped Diana. And if a Princess who stayed very fit and active with access to the best foods, gyms and treatments had cellulite what were the rest of the female population going to do?!

Yet cellulite, just like baldness, is a pretty normal thing to happen. In fact, again just like men balding, cellulite can develop just after puberty and genetics can be a factor too. Some treatments can be found but with varying degrees of success and very active people can get cellulite. The skin losing it’s elasticity in older age can make it more noticeable. And it is probably only you who cares about your cellulite and is self conscious about it. And if it bothers anybody else then hit them around the head with a rolled up News Of The World.

We can do some things to change our appearance. If we are unhappy or unhealthy then you can do something about it. But worrying about the things that we can’t do anything about is pointless. Yes, I could have a hair transplant and fair play to anybody who has, but I am me. Other than a false tan in winter then I am who I am. Learning to live with yourself is one of the hardest things to do. Respecting yourself and how you look is where you need to begin when you want to change something about yourself. Change comes from believing that you are already beautiful. Changing yourself when you don’t even like what you are is very hard.

I never became a PT to shame people into needing to exercise. Instead I wanted to tell people “You are fabulous and how can I help you in becoming even more fabulous?!”

And if I can dance around my bedroom butt naked listening to ‘I’m too sexy’ then I’m certain that you can too!

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GABA

It’s pleasing to get the feedback from my client’s workout whether it be an online programme or in a 1-1 session. This morning was no exception. The message I received from a trainee 5 minutes after a 1-1 session was “that was much better than a bottle of wine”.

It’s great to know that my trainees are enjoying their workouts. After all, if we enjoy it we are more likely to create a consistent routine regarding our fitness and meet targets. And the science doesn’t lie when it comes to exercise. People enjoy the effects of it for a reason.

Even after 20 minutes of vigorous physical activity the brain releases a stress hormone called Gamma Aminobutyric Acid (GABA) which promotes relaxation, sleep and triggers seratonin production. The ‘feel good’ chemical dopamine is also released. Indeed, the comparison with wine is ironic in that alcohol will do the exact opposite and actually inhibits these chemicals from doing their job.

The physical benefits of exercise has been well documented since time began. But I believe that if we entered a fitness programme with our mental health as the priority then our physical needs would be met too. For example, other than a possible sarcoplasmic pump after resistance training, your body will not develope from just one workout. It needs several weeks, months and years to achieve muscle gains, better movement or sustainable fat loss along with balanced nutrition to accompany your goals. However, just 20 minutes of a fast walk, a run, a HIIT routine, spin class, jumping up and down or even sex can produce the chemicals and hormones in your brain that can make you feel calm, relaxed, happy and energised. Add these 20 minutes up and by the end of the week not only have you got a brain that is producing GABA at the rate of a Nestlé factory making chocolates but you are also enabling huge contributions towards your physical goals too.

And talking of chocolate. It’s main ingredients in dark chocolate especially is cocao which has large quantities of natural GABA. I don’t ban foods for my trainees. Together we will talk about their nutrition and find ways of improving things in keeping with their goals. I want happy trainees therefore chocolate stays in the menu! And GABA is also found in cruciferous veg such as broccoli and kale, so as long as there’s plenty of that on your plate then a bit of chocolate to sweeten the palate is not going to break your goals.

The bottom line is this… exercise can be the hardest thing to begin. You are tired and a workout is the last thing you want to do after a hard day at work or with the kids. Working out at home is a drag, you’re not motivated enough and a PT or the gym membership is too expensive. You can’t afford it. But when you look at the benefits of what it can do for you both physically and mentally, can you afford not to?

Shall We Pull The Big Sofa Out?

My wife and I are both self employed in jobs that require us to work all sorts of different hours from week to week. Sometimes I have a morning free or my wife does but very rarely is it at the same time. Whether it’s on our own or together we always manage to have a good old clean and tidy of the house whilst the kids are at school. Tidying up is difficult at weekends as no sooner have we picked up an odd sock here and a crisp packet there we look behind us again to find a whole new bundle of mess left behind by the kids. We get them to help out and are teaching them to clean up after themselves, but it’s a work in progress.

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Today my wife and I had the opportunity to have a tidy up together. These are the most productive of tidying days. I have been known to to vac around a TV remote before. Under my wife’s watchful eye not only would the TV remote get picked up but it would get a polish too!

Starting in different rooms from each other we set about tidying, vacuuming, polishing and collecting a bag of stuff each to be taken to the charity shop all while shouting the answers out to each other on Ken Bruce’s Pop Master. I could have sworn that Irma Thomas was the first to record ‘Time Is In My Side’ but other than that I proved that I could get stuff done and be quite the Pop Master. I was multi tasking!

And it has to happen every now and again, every few months anyway, where we turn to each other and say, “Shall we pull the big sofa out?”

This is the ultimate deep clean day when this happens. The big sofa is where the kids watch movies, play computer games, snack, lounge about on duvet days and where they decide to change out of their football kits after playing on a muddy pitch. Oh yes, the day had arrived. The big sofa was getting pulled out to see what had managed to get kicked underneath it and spilled down the back of it.

We could’ve left it until another day. Our simple task of dusting and polishing while throwing a few Mick Jagger shapes to the radio could’ve been over but shit just got serious. I rolled my sleeves up and took a deep breath as my wife grabbed one end and me the other. The big sofa was getting pulled out. Slowly, as we pulled, little by little we began to see underneath. A few marbles covered in dust. Two ping pong balls. I wondered where they’d got to. And finally, with the big sofa in the middle of the room, we saw to the full extent our work for the remainder of the day.

Crisps, sweets, wrappers, random Lego bits, crayons, a colouring book, fluff balls, half eaten bread sticks, pens, pencils, a few scattered cards from the game Dobble, a jigsaw piece from a Star Wars puzzle which meant Kylo Ren’s face hadn’t been completed all year, there were chewed up pen lids, a wallet with nothing in it worst luck, a twig, a shell from the beach and an A4 sized drawing of Big Bird from Seseme Street (or Homer Simpson, I could never tell at the time) carefully drawn by my youngest. All with a coating of dust.

Once we had picked it all up, washed and put it all back in it’s rightful places we began to clean the skirting boards, vac and mop the floor. We sat on the big sofa, still situated in the middle of the room as we let the floor dry, and gave a satisfied nod to each other. The big sofa job had been done.

When I sit in a room in our house I like to see things in place. Tidy and clean. We’re not obsessive cleaners as my big sofa tale can confirm, but we like to live in a clean and tidy environment. I knew big sofa day was approaching. I couldn’t see it, but my brain was telling me that I’d best take a look.

Perhaps we all have a part of our house that can make you feel loads better once you’ve done a bit of sorting with it. The garage, loft, the fridge or freezer, the tops of the kitchen units, under the bed or back of the wardrobe. It’s not areas we see every day and, no matter how well we try to keep on top of stuff, there’s always an area that needs the ‘rolled up sleeves’ moment. We don’t always see it, but we know it’s there. And when it is done it can feel like quite an accomplishment.

My head told me that today was big sofa day and sometimes my head tells me it is actually my head that needs the deep clean. A moment where I can declutter the stuff that begins to collect worries in there. I find the best way to take this on is to tackle the small tasks first. Once I find a routine in dealing with the little things in life, the big things can be challenged much better. Like a game of Whack-a-Mole, I find a groove that I can work with.

Had I woken up this morning thinking about the big sofa I don’t think I would have got as much done, but because I started by polishing a remote control the big sofa job became easier. I created a momentum that enabled me to be productive to the point that the greater issue was just another job to complete.

My worries are like the stuff that get stuck under the sofa. They are there and I know they are there. I can watch a full episode of The Chase and take no notice of it at all because the missing jigsaw piece is swirling around in my cluttered mind. I know where it might be but to challenge it will uncover a whole host of other bits of crap to deal with. But I know that if I can make that first step and ‘pull the big sofa out’ not only will I be able to deal with the crap but there’s a real good chance I can find that missing jigsaw piece too.

And now my sitting room and my head, at least for now, are clutter free.

The Ironic Process

One of the reasons why formal diets turn to years of yo-yoing weight and frustration is because of the restrictions that we put upon ourselves. We ban Bananas because we read that they are high in sugar. We ban carbs. We ban fats. We try the next new fad diet because it is en vogue and the ‘expert’ wants you to buy his new diet book that is out for Christmas. It’s funny how this expert seems to bring out a new diet for us to try almost every year. If his other diets were so good then we wouldn’t need to change from his 5:2 diet, his Blood Sugar diet or his Fast 800 would we?

Anyway, in the long term, I am convinced that they are not sustainable and therefore are a fad to enable someone to make a whole heap of cash out of our diet culture.

When we begin to tell our brains not to do something, our brain wants to do it. That is not your failing willpower. It is not your lack of motivation to succeed in weight loss. It is how the human brain works. Yet you begin to hate yourself because you have ‘let yourself down’. But you haven’t.

Promise me now that you will not think of a Pink Elephant.

Have you thought of a Pink Elephant yet?

“Yes. But you deliberately put a picture of a pink elephant for me to see.” I hear you say.

When we open a magazine, go to the supermarket, watch TV, walk past billboards, go to a restaurant, sit on a bus or walk through the park you will also see all of the things that a poor restrictive diet will tell you not to eat. Burgers, ice cream vans, pizza adverts, cakes, rows of takeaway shops, takeaway menus through your letterbox and even the three most popular soap operas in the UK are based around the characters drinking in a pub. You can’t avoid the foods that you try to avoid from your life so I won’t let you avoid the pink elephant. And the more you try not to think about it the more it keeps entering your head. That is not you as an individual failing to comply with Dr Fad’s latest diet plan. That is the human brain.

I have worked with hundreds of fat loss clients who are amazed at my approach and how it has helped them. Do I expect hard work in the gym, home workouts and an active lifestyle? Absolutely I do! But I also give them freedom to eat food without guilt or restrictions. I aim to change the mindset of those I work with to enable them to enjoy and appreciate their food and still get their goals. We need to enjoy what we do. Exercise is not a punishment if you enjoy the exercises. Diets are not punishment if you enjoy the diet.

Fyodor Dostoevsky wrote…”Try to pose yourself this task, not to think of a polar bear and you will see that the cursed thing will come to mind every minute.”

In Psychology teaching it is known as the Ironic Process Theory. Restrictive dieting goes against every bit of research into human behaviours and leads to what we now have in the western world. Millions of people yo-yo dieting, living with obesity and type 2 diabetes and a health care system close to collapse with weight related health issues being cited as a major issue (NHS UK). Depression due to weight struggles is another factor in our society. And what do the experts do? The tabloids write headlines such as ‘avoid high sugar fruits such as Bananas’ and Dr Fad wants us to buy his new book this Christmas.

Let me be straight to the point here…Cassy from down the road never got obese from eating bananas, it was from listening to crap journalism and experts telling her that she is useless because she can’t stay away from eating a freaking banana in the first place. This lead to further frustration and depression and continues to binge eat because she has failed in sticking to a Daily Mail headline or Dr Fads crappy new book.

The Pink Elephant won’t go away. So are we going to acknowledge it and work with it or allow it to ruin your life?

The Monster On The Stairs

The young teenage me needed a pee. I was home alone in my parent’s house as I sat in the living room crossing my legs and uncomfortably shuffling as the feeling in my bladder intensified. It was early evening and the sun was going down but the lamp lit the living room adequately. Outside of the living room door, however, I imagined darkness. The dark hallway leading up to the dark stair case where I needed to climb to reach the dark first floor to enter the dark bathroom to pee. I could wait no longer. The spine tingling feeling of being chased as I scramble up the stair case was about to happen.

Opening the living room door presented me with nothing like I imagined. The dusky evening still provided some light and nothing like the pitch black in my head, but every light switch, barring the kitchen switch which was further away, went on anyway including the stair case and upstairs lights. I knew, though, that the light has never stopped the monster from chasing me up the stairs before. It’ll be back again.

I walked along the hallway towards the stairs, glancing behind me to make sure that no piercing eyes were peering at me from beyond the kitchen door left slightly ajar. Nothing. So where was it? I gulped and took my first step onto the stairs. As was my usual routine I picked out a jolly song to mutter as I slowly took my second step. I began to check through my peripheral vision to see if a whispy hand was reaching out for ankles. My song had gone. Adrenaline started to take over. The natural fight or flight feeling was beginning to peak. Each step became quicker and quicker until I could feel it breathing onto my neck…..

I ran, fell, scurried, jumped through the other 20 steps to reach the top! I turned and…nothing. The stairs were empty. I had escaped the monster on the stairs once more. ‘It’ll be back’, I thought as I caught my breath and had my pee at last. Going back down the stairs? Well, that was always a breeze.

Has anybody else ever had this feeling? I know adults who I have spoken to who say they still get this feeling sometimes. My boys at 5 and 8 are experiencing it now and I can only imagine that it comes from an anxious place.

I haven’t experienced this since my mid teens and I guess it would’ve been around the time that I decided that ghosts, spirits and Gods (good or bad) didn’t exist to me. Perhaps if I knew in my mind that no supernatural powers were at play then it couldn’t possibly be that. And I knew that an actor called Robert Englund dressed up to become Freddie Krueger and at the time of my life I started to watch A Nightmare On Elm Street and other horror movies I was able to separate fake and reality. I can no longer fear something that I don’t believe in or if I know it to be an act in the case of a movie.

Last night my eldest asked me what I was scared of. I find this such a tough question. I ask myself this question often too. I told him anything that takes me out of my own control scares me. I gave rollercoasters as an example but in my head the real example would be to lose somebody close to me or for me to die and leave them behind to grieve. Death doesn’t scare me, but thinking of those having to deal with my death terrifies me.

My son goes to a religious school and, as I mentioned in a previous blog, I respect his beliefs in a God. We have regular discussions and I never dismiss his beliefs just because they are different to my own. Coming up to Easter is a tough time for him as he learns about Jesus on the cross. Him playing Fornite has nothing on the graphic stories he is taught at school. He cares about Jesus and I love him and admire him even more for his extension of love that he gives to others. And for such a caring child I really wish he hadn’t have had to hear the stories of Covid, Afghanistan and Ukraine in the past couple of years. But they are our reality. We took him and his younger brother to the local charity where they were sorting clothes for the Afghanistan refugees and he helped a refugee boy in his class settle in.

There’s lots of reasons for kids and adults to be anxious about and, whatever the monster on the stairs is, seems to be a manifestation of this. It would be interesting to know your experiences of this whether in childhood or as an adult. Is it a thing that most of us experience? Because sooner or later, we’ve all got to pee!