weight loss – Page 3 – Never Give Up PT

Mr Bean Volume 4 And The Portuguese Consulate

The empty Mr Bean DVD box has been hanging around the house for years. And when we do find the disc, we can’t find the box to put it in. This has been happening since 2020. I only know that because a lot of things got stored in unusual places during several DIY projects in the first lockdown. Things that were scattered about wherever the kids like to hang out were pretty much scooped up and put into random cupboards and drawers. Just the other day a plastic piece of joke poo jumped out at me as I opened the kid’s wardrobe. At least, they tell me it was plastic poo.

But during a time when I have loads to do in preparing for a move to Portugal, including packing stuff we actually need, booking consulate appointments, liaising with the solicitor to set up our business and work appointments, searching for a Mr Bean DVD was not a priority. It certainly didn’t warrant 2 hours of my time!

I think I’ve figured out the problem with me here. I’m overthinking the process. I can’t see the wood for the trees. And yet I’ve simplified the process slightly by hiring solicitors to guide us. It’s why we decided to hire them. We were told that we could save money by doing the VISA and business set up ourselves, but we need to get it right otherwise money and time could be lost in the long run.

Just like hiring a car mechanic to service your car, a plumber to check out your dodgy boiler or a personal trainer to program your fitness journey, sometimes it is reassuring to know that a professional has your back.

But our solicitor won’t help me find the Mr Bean DVD. These are the finer details that I’m concerning myself with because I feel overwhelmed by the big stuff. That’s my problem. And I realise that this happens to so many people in regards to their health and fitness. I’ve heard everybody’s ‘Mr Bean Volume 4 DVD’ stories. They can’t find their gym trainers. It’s too warm or too cold. They’ll wait for when their mate can go with them. They can’t afford a membership (despite finding money for alcohol and takeaways) or they’re injured.

Most of the time, they’re just looking for a DVD that has no impact at all on what their actual goals are. They’re not wanting to face the real truths of what has to be done. They want it. More than anything! They want to feel fitter, stronger, happier. But some days it is difficult to find a starting point. Planning is useful. Hiring a PT is great. Booking gym classes helps keep a schedule. But that pesky DVD needs to be found, right?!!!

Well, no, it doesn’t. But at the time it does. At the time it feels like the most important part of the process.

I know what I have to do and I do have the reassurance that, if I am not providing the correct information for the likes of the Portuguese Consulate, I have a solicitor guiding me through it all.

But from time to time, I just need to look for the Mr Bean Volume 4 DVD.

Xinjiang Highway

The Xinjiang highway fascinates me. Stretching for 6214 miles and winding up and down mountainous cliff sides, it is said to be China’s longest highway. It is quite treacherous too. The weather conditions, high altitude, wild animals, a lack of water, food and fuel for miles and miles can make this road a difficult journey.

But when I see images of this road, it reminds me of something else. It reminds me of your journey towards your goals. And mine of course.

So this is just a quick message to remind you that your path to success will not be linear.

During my training I can get a run of some great days in the gym. I feel strong. I stay an extra half hour to get out a few more sets. I feel good. But some days it feels like I’m travelling up hill and turning back on myself on a dog leg bend.

I’m currently devoting a lot of my time to learning Portuguese. And again, there are times when I’m cruising to being fluent and bilingual. But then come the moments when I can’t even remember how I would greet anyone in Portuguese. I feel like giving up some days, but I have to remind myself of the reasons for doing it. I HAVE to, so I will do it.

It’s important to know that you will suffer the same in whatever goals you want to achieve. And just because the path seems to wind into a different direction, don’t panic. If you have faith in the journey then follow it.

Prepare yourself in the best way possible. Know the distance, fill the tank with fuel, take plenty of water and food, rest often and bring along a mate going the same way if you want and you’ll reach your destination.

The Problem With Motivation

My gym journey, building a new business, being a good husband and father and moving to another country all need a consistent and considered approach.

Whatever the pitfalls each one delivers (and they do) if I live by the rule of consistency then I will eventually find a conclusion that works for me. It might not always be the best or most perfect outcome. I’m a realist. But it will, at least, enable me to move forward and continue my plans to reach that elusive ‘perfection’.

What helps me keep consistent is two main factors. The first is the question ‘Why?’

Why do I do what I do? Why bother with the gym every day? Why put the effort into my relationship with my wife and children? Why start up a new business? Why move to a different country?

The truth is that I would be immensely unhappy if I didn’t.

Some days I really don’t fancy going to the gym, but I enjoy the endorphins and the way it makes me look.

Some days my kids are driving me mad! But if I shout and lose my temper then I am teaching them that being kind and patient does not work.

And some days I really don’t want to deal with solicitors, VISA applications or business plans. But if I don’t do it then the move to Portugal can’t happen and therefore the new business can’t happen. I’ll be back in a commercial gym faster than you can say ‘500 quid a month rent’.

I don’t want the alternative, so I have to be consistent in how I get things done. Having a few days off is not on the table. And this leads me on to factor number 2.

These actions are non-negotiable. I cannot let the consistency slip. Now, I’m not talking about missing the gym for an emergency, bickering with my wife or watching Coranation Street instead of working on my business plan. I’m talking about serious procrastination that begins to turn itself into a lifestyle.

In a year’s time I don’t want to be overweight and miserable. I don’t want to be snappy with my kids and push my wife away. I don’t want to still be in the UK paying double on my mortgage and losing my freedom of movement just to rub salt in the wounds.

Consistently doing these activities gets me to where I want to be, so they are non-negotiable. I have to do them.

So I must address the one major problem I hear from people when they talk about changing their habits or lifestyle and working towards a goal. They tell me that they’re not motivated enough.

The problem with motivation is that it is a fleeting emotion. When it arrives it is fantastic. You’ll book the gym classes, write out a shopping list consisting of lots of fruit and veg, you’ll start to look at other job opportunities. Ones that will make you happy. You’ll call your friend or family member who you’ve been meaning to make contact with again. That’s what motivation can give you.

But what about when it isn’t there? If you haven’t answered your ‘why?’ and created a set of non-negotiables then you won’t get any closer to your happiness. You have to keep waiting for that glimmer of motivation that comes around now and again.

It is those cold, dark mornings when you get to the gym when you really don’t feel like it that edges you closer to a goal. It’s working through an online open university course on an evening when your friends have gone out for a few drinks that gets you out of your mundane work life rut. Motivation, on its own, won’t do that.

Take a moment to write down five things that you would like to achieve in the next 12 months. Next to each one, write the question ‘why?’ Honestly answer it. Dig deep and give your most honest answer, however hard it is to read it.

Then implement one thing that you will do to work towards each goal. It doesn’t have to be life changing, but whatever it is must become your consistent non-negotiable. You must do it when you say that you will.

From now until your 12 month goal you will sometimes find yourself without motivation, even demoralised. But keep your consistent approach.

Motivation is like a wind up toy. It’ll give you one big burst of energy or inspiration but eventually it stops. Consistency, albeit not a term that is as sexy or flashy, is the key to unlocking your future goals.

Shay is a Personal Trainer, CBT therapist, meditation guide and lifestyle blogger.

Identifying Your Needs

My wife is good at making homemade ice-cream. Too good in fact. Last week, after inviting friends over to our house, she made copious amounts of the stuff. The flavours were chocolate, caramel and pecan, malted chocolate (which tasted like a malteaser that had fallen from heaven.)

But it hadn’t come from heaven. The leftovers from our gathering were in our freezer. A freezer which needed to be defrosted and sold on Facebook marketplace.

Hmm. How do we begin to clear out the freezer without any food waste? Shay to the rescue!

I wasn’t expecting to eat all three flavours which spilled out of the bowl tonight. I first looked in the top cupboard for some salted peanuts, but didn’t have any. I then checked the crisp cupboard, but the multipack choices were not exciting me. That’s the problem when you win a freebie on the Lidl scratch card app. You end up with the beef, roast chicken and prawn cocktail flavours instead of cheese and onion.

It was only when my wife mentioned that the freezer needed clearing out did I remember the ice cream.

After a tough day at work and only getting snippets of information regarding our VISA and business set up in Portugal from my wife’s texts, by the time the evening arrived I was ready to emotionally eat.

I love coming home to my wife and kids, but I can’t pretend that the chaos of our home, with packed boxes piling up and the certain uncertainties that moving house/country brings can be a stressy time in the Durant-Duckworth household. Emotions are running high. I sometimes deal with that with the occasional emotional eat.

I am, of course, following the Never Give Up Personal Training handbook. I have always told my clients to give themselves a break if they make certain food choices during emotional times in their lives. It’s about identifying your needs.

The term ’emotional eating’ is often seen as a bad thing. It’s a weak act. It’s a crux that we need to rid ourselves of. Instead, we should go for a jog or slog it out in the gym. Sod that, tonight I wanted ice cream. Ok, I wanted salted peanuts or cheese and onion crisps but the ice-cream was more than a suitable replacement for giving me a big emotional hug.

We are emotional creatures. And with such complex needs as ours, is it even possible to eat without emotion?!

But the one big, big rule that we must remember is that the slice of cake, the bowl of cheesy pasta or indeed the serving of half of the freezer tasting of malteasers is that you can identify that this is a moment of emotional eating. It is a perfectly acceptable way to ease your emotions as long as you recognise it as your choice.

You have lots of choices when you are faced with an emotional time. For me, I turn to exercise, meditation, talking to others (usually my wife), watching or listening to something funny, watching football, having sex or having a glass of red. But I cannot deny that eating can sometimes trump all of the above. It is an option and sometimes I use it.

And once you can recognise that this is as acceptable as any other coping mechanism then you will begin to improve on your physical and mental wellbeing.

Identifying your needs for every given situation will be different. This is because every situation will pose very different challenges to the next. Just know that you have options. You are in control. You get to choose.

Go to the gym. Have a run. Meditate. By all means do all of those positive things. But never feel guilty about an occasional bowl of ice cream to give you an emotional pick up. And enjoy the whole damn thing!

Choosing The Right Personal Trainer

I know lots of people who have spent (in some cases) thousands of pounds before they’ve found the right PT for them. Unfortunately, some people give up after a bad experience and this is a shame because I have seen what I and many other very good trainers can do for someone with a fitness goal.

To an extent you have to find the right personality that you are happy to employ as your PT. Basically, you need to at least like them and get on with them for you to respect what they say and ask of you.

But every good PT will have the same traits. They will listen to you, be attentive, be committed to your needs and they will give you their full attention whenever you need them (not just when they’re on the clock).

And whether it is face to face training or online coaching these traits should come across in your initial discussions with a PT.

Now that I’m moving my business to Portugal and developing it alongside a camping and wellbeing centre I will be ending my online coaching part of it. The reasons for this, and I’m only being honest, is that I don’t think that I can fulfill this criteria anymore. I have one shot for me and my family to get this move right. Currently I don’t think I can be as attentive as the client needs me to be. And seeing as I will be doing a lot of the ground work myself (both metaphorically and literally) once we get to Portugal, I’ll be busy enough.

There is an online coach that I will be recommending though if anyone asks and that is Biological Engineering. Dan Middlewood is the Trainer who deals with every inquiry and treats every one of his clients with the attention they deserve. He boasts of some impressive transformations on his social media too! All backed up with real life people.

https://instagram.com/biological_engineering?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

Dan and I started PTing in a gym together ten years ago and it was our first gig. I watched him develop into a PT that was driven by getting results for his clients, but did it in a way that was friendly and not pushy. It was only a matter of time that he would branch out into online coaching too, such was his high demand.

Just like in every day situations, we soon get an idea of a person’s character once we have a chat with them. Finding the right PT is very similar. You need to know that they have your best interests. They work for you. It’s not about their ego, it’s about your fitness results. So whether you’ve been thinking about contacting a PT or you’ve had a bad experience but are thinking about giving it another go, you’ll be in safe hands with Dan’s Biological Engineering.

Wonka-Vite!

Finlay, my 7 year old son, is currently enjoying Charlie And The Great Glass Elevator by Roald Dahl. I like that he is now at an age where he can read the books of Roald Dahl as it brings back so many memories for myself as I was also an avid reader of his work as a child.

This particular book, in true Dahl fashion, has the chapter about a pill invented by Wonka that makes you look younger. The Wonka-Vite. Finlay read the chapter with me and announced, “You need one of these pills daddy.”

Oh how brutally honest children can be! “Yes, sometimes I feel like I could do with a Wonka-Vite.” I replied.

It is concerning, however, when manufacturers, advertisers and the media are as brutal as a child when they try to flog their pills and potions. I’m sure that they want us to feel old and fat and insecure because insecure people are often willing to spend money on finding a cure for their insecurities. Almost daily I see an advert or link to a site that sells weight loss tablets.

And these little gadgets in our hands are now the conduit which connects these companies straight to us. These ads know who we are, what we look like, what we search for and what we want. They’re happy to oblige.

Another ad that regularly crops up on my social media feed is the miracle cure for baldness. So if any of you don’t know by now, I’m bald. The interesting thing here though is that they declare that they can ‘cure’ me.

Am I sick? Have I got a disease? Should I tell people to stand two metres apart and wash their hands while singing to Oasis if they accidentally touch my folically challenged smooth head? Is it life threatening? Please, tell me, doctors on my FB page, how long have I got left?!

Kids make the same diagnosis as these ads. Having worked with kids for the past year, I know that they are very keen to point out that I’m bald. I play on this, of course. I’ve been losing my hair for long enough to not care one bit about it. As we get caught in the rain playing football I will suggest that we go back inside so that I don’t get my hair wet. The chorus of kids shouting back at me ‘But you’re bald!!!” will forever amuse me.

And when I ask for a second opinion my own kids confirm the diagnosis of this baldness disease. They’re astute. The future of the NHS is safe.

These pills, potions and magical cures can be very costly. But one thing is free. The ability to love oneself is free and available to everyone. It’s sometimes difficult to find, but it can be found.

If losing weight is a goal then loving yourself at the beginning of the process makes the journey so much easier. We forgive those that we love. We wish the people we love the very best. We stand in their corner when they need someone to cheer them on. We give them good, honest advice.

So I don’t really need a Wonka-Vite to feel younger and I don’t need a cure for baldness. I already have a potion that makes me dance like a young John Travolta and sing Rock DJ like a top of his game albeit a little arrogant Robbie Williams circa 2000….

….It’s red wine.

And self love of course!

Pads And Punch Bags

I like to look out for anything that could be useful for my business at the car boot sale. Kettlebells, dumbbells and anything gym related can be often found at these places especially since COVID lockdown. Many of us decided to buy bits of equipment when the gyms closed in order to remain fit and healthy. These items have now found their way to charity shops, online auctions and car boot sales.

Never did I dream of finding a punch bag in such good condition for £15! It looks like it is an ex bag from a boxing gym.

Padwork has always been incorporated in my fitness sessions. I’m qualified in ‘boxing for exercise’, which is the official title on the certificate. This means that I can train people in padwork and boxercise type exercises, but I can’t train the next Tyson Fury. Below is an example of my session in the gym.

https://youtube.com/shorts/zoHN8odT9Bs?feature=share

How I aim to train people away from the gym, however, will be totally different. Especially with a punch bag to hang up. This, in theory, and with the correct insurance (!) will enable visitors to use the facilities without my presence. After all, the price difference will be considerable for me doing padwork with them or them using a bag on their own. So giving people the option will be good.

And talking of cost, as long as you have a willing partner, padwork is a very inexpensive way to have fun whilst exercising! Hanging a bag up in your garage is also an option, of course!

So here’s the bottom line. You don’t always need a gym, a PT, lots of cash or time to exercise. Having a good eye for a bargain in a charity shop or car boot sale could give you just what you need.

Plan

Well here I go. After all my constant talk of planning for your fitness goals I feel as though I am at a point where I can’t really plan for my own fitness goals. Not with any great precision anyway.

I have no gym and my time is compromised coming into a very busy summer period with work and the kids being off school. Oh, and with a house search in another country to plan, my health and fitness goals are getting further away.

I hope, seeing as I have now left training people in commercial gyms, that the legacy I left is that I am a ‘real life’ trainer. I’m honest, work to a client’s strengths and I am motivated in reaching realistic goals. So then, if I were having a chat with Shay the personal trainer, what would he say to me?

Me: I’ve not got any training plan in place for the rest of this year. I will have no time during the summer holidays as I will be busy with work each day. After the summer holidays I will be finishing off my packing to move to Portugal. Once I’m there there’s going to be lots of driving, researching and preparing for my business.

Shay PT: Your work will involve coaching sports to kids. Last year you were counting over 20,000 steps per day. That’s at least 10,000 extra steps than the recommended daily target for the average person. Also, a lot of preparation for your business will involve landscaping the land. Physical work such as this can burn around 500 calories per hour. So your NEAT (non exercise activity thermogenesis) is looking very healthy indeed!

Also, you have a selection of resistance equipment that you will eventually be taking to Portugal. Before you pack them up, think of a 30 minute routine that you can do in the garden on a decent summer’s evening after you’ve put the kids to bed. Promise yourself 3 of these sessions a week. And I know you have the time. It just means watching one less episode of the series you’re watching.

So your activity levels are looking pretty good, but it’ll mean nothing unless you keep your nutrition on track. That takes a little preparation. Make your lunch in the evening for the next day. For breakfast, stick to drinking your fruit and oat smoothies. Make sure that vegetables are available for every evening meal. Keep convenient, fast food to a minimum but don’t be too restrictive. No food should be banned.

A plan doesn’t have to involve regimented routines and dull food. Nothing I have just mentioned is life changing stuff. It’s just a sensible few tweaks to ensure that you stay on track for when you have more time and you are more settled in your new home.

I think I’ve just found a plan.

Get Rid Of Doubt And Begin To Dream

I might not have millions of pounds, a yacht or a big house to pass on to my kids when I pass, but I do hope that I can teach them a few things.

One thing that I would like to achieve is for them to understand that doubt will only hold them back. Past mistakes can cripple future ambitions.

It’s easy to live in the past. And for the good and the bad, the past at least gives us a sense of comfort. Our brain will call upon previous experiences from our lives and it provides familiarity. The future, however, can be seen as a scary, uncertain time. We often choose not to go there or think about it too much. So, in an attempt to stay safe, we keep referring back to what we have lived before. Whether we like what we have lived before or not.

The problem though, is that you cannot become who you want to be because you are too attached to who you’ve been. And this can be a monkey on your back all through your adult life until it’s too late.

My kids might not appreciate the process of leaving their friends, school, home, town and country now, but I’m hoping that in the future they will thank me when they’re living in Portugal with the opportunities that can open up for them.

But, for now, they might feel a little bit of doubt. They know what they know. Even with the reassurance and promise of what me and their mum can give to them, it is still an unknown reality.

And adults do the same. Adults miss out on creating their own business or going for a new career opportunity because of the doubts that creep in. Adults miss out on friendship and finding love because they are scared of being rejected. Adults are becoming depressed about their health and lifestyle because they refuse to commit to positive change.

But not all adults. You’ll notice that the ones who are smiling and are happy within themselves have all removed the lingering doubts that stop them from living with a more positive outlook. They’ve stopped calling upon the previous negative experiences that they’ve had and instead invested in their future selves.

You can’t change what happened ten years ago, but you do have a say in what happens in ten years time.

I want to let my kids know that they will make mistakes, but it is how they can learn and move on which will enable them to have bright futures. If they dwell on their mistakes then that is where doubt will set in. They will be tethered to the past.

I have worked with thousands of people who initially came to me with help regarding their health, weight and aesthetics. And there isn’t a single client that has failed by planning their future. This could be by preparing meals for the week more carefully or planning gym visits and booking fitness classes. But we can go even further into our most inner needs and desires. Once we begin to focus on the person we would like to be, then it is so much easier to plan on being that person. And then, as a habit, continue to think about this person.

Let’s think of another daily habit that you might have. Say, putting the kettle on in the morning. The kettle takes two minutes to boil. This gives you two minutes to visualize your day, your week, your next five years of your life. Think of it as a trailer to the best movie ever with a fantastic cast and a great ending and you are the main character.

What would you look like? What friends and family would be around you? What activities would you be doing? What’s the plot? Where is it set?

My favourite time to do this visualisation is when I put the washing out. Some of my best made plans have come whilst pegging my undies to the washing line. Why? Because it is a mundane task that is usually done daily and I don’t have to cram in another habit within my already busy day. I have time to think. I can daydream. I have to put the washing out. Why not make it interesting and productive?

The movie I have created for my family has a happy ending but there are sad moments too. Just like any good story. But because I have planned this script so many times during putting out the washing or cleaning out the guinea pig hutch, I know how it ends. Therefore I have no doubt about it, I can live my happiest life.

What can you begin to focus on for your future? Start setting realistic targets, find a really boring job that needs doing almost daily and make your movie now!

Positive Outcomes

For the past eight years as a Personal Trainer and now more recently as a meditation guide and Cognitive Behavioural Therapist I have been asking people what they want from life/gym/work/relationships and I will often get a reply about what they don’t want.

It seems that we are fixated, or petrified, of what is going to or could go wrong. And maybe that is a natural response. It’s our defence mechanism. It enables us, we think, to deal with disappointment.

In my own personal experience at the moment, when I tell people about my move to Portugal, from the majority of people they will instantly say ‘but what about work?’ or what about this and what if that.

I understand their concerns. Every possible outcome has been observed by my wife and I. But the positive outcomes are the ones that we channel our energy into. In techniques such as meditation, quantum jumping, mantras and cleansing our spaces of negative energy through singing bowls we know that the vibrations that we are sending to the universe will provide positive outcomes.

I have spoken before about how the universe acts like a computer algorithm. It will respond to whatever we are focussed on.

Do you find that you start to get advertisements for your next holiday because you googled ‘cheap holiday deals’?

You might find that topics that you have researched on your phone recently will appear as ads on this blog.

The universe does the same.

So if I devote my time to the things that I want to happen in my life, the more likely it is going to happen.

The signals that I send into the universe will determine how I react to certain events in my life and the outcomes that will play out.

When you focus your energy on becoming fitter, eating healthier and setting gym goals you begin to feel better about yourself and you will start to see results much quicker.

If you focus your energy on losing your belly, banning chocolate and not planning your gym time then what you have done is send negative energy and you are more likely to feel negative from your experiences.

It is, of course, so much easier to channel this energy through meditation. A moment each day where you can type in all the positive good stuff into your computer and allow the algorithms to give you its feedback.

What I want you to do right now after you read this is to stop fearing what could go wrong and start welcoming what could go right.

Do it each day. You might be pleasantly surprised.