weight loss – Page 10 – Never Give Up PT

Why?

Why…adverb…for what cause, reason or purpose. Why did you do it?

Merriam-webster.com gave me the meaning of the word why on their website. Nothing that we didn’t already know really, is it?

And yet I’m not sure that many of us use it enough. I hear lots of motivational speakers and psychologists telling their audience to say ‘yes’ more or sometimes even ‘no’. But maybe we should be saying ‘why’ more.

My kids are very good at this. ‘Don’t do that.’ I’ll say. ‘Why?’ Is often the reply.

‘Because it is dangerous.’

‘Why?’

‘Because you might fall.’

‘Why?’

‘Because it is not safe.’

‘Why?’

‘Because the tree branch is 200 years old and ready to snap and the rain has caused bacterial wetwood that makes it slippy. Plus, you don’t have the appropriate footwear and the A&E waiting times are horrendous at the moment and I don’t fancy a day in the hospital sitting with the all day drinkers.’

I never get to say that last bit. It’s usually more like ‘Just get down!’

But I don’t want to take their inquisitive nature away from them. And they’re kids who want to climb trees. I’m sure that there’s a grainy photo somewhere with me in my shell suit hanging from a branch. So asking ‘why’ is perfectly acceptable.

I ask myself ‘why?’ regularly. Sometimes it just gets me out of bed. Or it enables me to do the gym session I’ve been putting off that day. It makes me push myself in my work and I strive for better for my family’s future. It keeps me hungry. All because I reminded myself of my why.

When I am talking to a potential client wanting to train with me I ask them why they want to train. I get the usual type of answers which are totally acceptable to begin with.

‘Id like to lose a few pounds.’

‘I want to lose my belly.’

‘I want to gain some muscle.’

‘I am entering an event.’

All of these require another why. And perhaps another. And another.

I train to stay trim…why? To look good in a T-shirt this summer…why? Because I’m conscious that I’m not getting any younger…why? I have had injuries in the past and I know that age could cause these injuries to be painful in later life…why? I began training many years ago to fix my injuries which helped my mental health too…why? Because I felt more confident, strong, pain free and I became a better person…why? Because I knew that I was giving my future self a chance to live comfortably which would provide a happier life for my family too.

Because I knew that I was giving my future self a chance to live comfortably which would provide a happier life for my family too.

This became my why.

Mark Twain said,”The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.”

It is the most enlightening thing there is to find your why, your reason, your purpose, your trigger.

Losing a few pounds is a credible goal, but it happens so much easier if you know your why. Your why is the ultimate goal. And as long as you keep reminding yourself of it, good things happen along the way to achieving it.

You need a good reason to lose a few pounds. If you don’t have one, or if it’s to please somebody else for instance, you have no real motivation to lose a few pounds. Even if you do there’s a good chance that you won’t keep it off. Motivation is just a fleeting emotion, your why lasts forever.

Keep that child like inquisitive mind and keep asking ‘why?’

And keep asking. And asking. And asking. And when you find your why, you will find your way.

Skinnies

I feel that I might have been a little absent from y’all in the last couple of days. My wife and I managed to get away for an evening to a gig in York and, as much as I need my phone for my business, I managed to limit it to the necessities. Writing articles was not in my sights. However, plenty of inspiration for future blogs were always in my mind so here I am, back at home and back to real life. I enjoy my work and being daddy, but a couple of days away was a chance to recharge the batteries.

It was a chance to have a midlife crisis moment too! I bought some skinny jeans.

When skinny jeans first became fashionable for men I instantly said to my wife that I would never buy a pair. I liked straight leg, boot cut, baggy and even a daring grungy ripped look. But skinny was a bit 1980’s Axel Rose. Super cool at the time, but best left in the 80’s!

But yesterday I couldn’t resist trying on a pair. After all, I don’t do ‘leg day’ to keep my pins kept stored away like a Maradona world cup winning shirt. I’d like people to see them.

And seeing as I have an unfortunate tattoo on my calf from my youth days of a naked female I don’t feel like I can wear shorts. I must get that tattoo covered up one day. But, I thought as I held up the skinnies in the shop, this might do for now!

I have all of the insecurities of everyone else. Sometimes, even wearing the most normal clothes possible, I feel like a dick. I feel goofy, uncomfortable, different from those around me. I know by now that I’m not the only one. Every day I talk to people who want to be body confident. It’s what I do. I work on myself everyday just like I work on my clients. That’s what sets me apart from Jeremy in Berkshire telling Gav from Bradford that he needs to eat chicken and rice four times a day. I want to eat what I want AND fit into some skinnies. Gav should do the same too.

Gav can still stay within his calories and macros, eat the Pringles and wear the fuck out of those skinnies. It might not suit our Jeremy, but Gav is happy wearing what he wants and is in control of his life, so who gives a shit about Jeremy and his two grand ‘fit programme’ who prays on the insecurities of his clients. I want to be happy in what I wear. I want to shake my booty in a pair of skinnies. I want to eat a kebab occasionally and I want to do the windmill in front of my wife without being judged. Gav and his missus should do the same. If you are happy and confident, you’ll feel sexy and in control.

I had to try a few sizes of skinnies on. They were either too long or too tight. But I eventually found some that made me think ‘yeah, I’ve still got it dude!’. Whatever stage you are at in your fitness goal right now, this second, always know that you’ve still got it too.

Everybody…I mean every BODY, is beautiful. It’s just society and our own individual insecurities that need to realize that. Change is good. Wanting to change is fine, just remember that you are beautiful to begin with. It’s so much easier to change if you respect what you want to change in the first place.

I wore my skinny jeans today. In fact I totally owned this fashion malarky. And one day I might even go for the ‘no socks’ look. If Gav from Bradford can, so can I!

The Pareto Principle

Although Vilfredo Pareto didn’t commit his work to the perfect exercise programming he did create a power law which developed the concept of quality control which has some significance in the fitness world. This power law, also known as the 80/20 rule, is explained in a number of ways.

In his work, Cours d’économie politique, Pareto showed that 80% of the land in Italy was owned by 20% of the population. He then discovered this to be true in many countries within the western world. In business management it is an adage that 80% of sales comes from 20% of clients. In taxation it is found that as recent as 2018 (USA) the top 20% of earners pay 80% of Federal income taxes. Microsoft noted that by fixing the top 20% of reported bugs, 80% of errors would be eliminated. Studies also find that 20% of patients use 80% of health care resources. In the USA The Dunedin Study founds that 80% if crimes are committed by 20% of criminals.

Yet perhaps, like with all research, theory and principles there are always exceptions. And in an amusing kind of way, 20% of us might subconsciously be using the Pareto Principle 80% of the time! Indeed, how true is it that you have 50 apps on your phone but only use around 10 of them most of the time? I have ten takeaway menus in my kitchen drawer but I will only use two for about eight out of the ten occasions that I order a takeaway.

The roads in your town that you drive on. The TV channels that you watch. The websites that you visit and the rooms during your waking hours in your home, roughly, will be spent on 80% of your time in just 20% of them.

So what is the significance of the Pareto Principle in our exercise routines? Already I have noticed that 20% of the gym members are spending 80% of their training time doing it correctly. But what is the correct way? How can we optimize our time to produce as much as possible from our exercise routines and hit our goals? Maybe this principle might help.

So we should expect 80% of our results in the gym to come from 20% of the work. Conversely, the remaining 20% of our results to come from the remaining 80% of the work.

This means that we need to learn, adapt and master the 20% of the work and THEN create a structure for your remaining 80%!

I can’t help you with the 80% of your time (unless you ask and then I can develop a kick ass training plan specific to your needs) but I will tell you the core exercises that you should be including whether it be for hypertrophy or fat loss. These should be your 20% to gain 80% of your results…

Walking

Walking shouldn’t be underestimated. In my previous articles I have discussed the importance in getting outdoors and walking. Not only can you burn calories if that is one of your goals, but it helps our cardiovascular system, brings us closer to nature, allows thinking time and, if you are walking with a friend or partner, enables good conversation away from normal life. I’m a treadmill Dodger, I admit, but I do enjoy walking which, not only does it tick the right boxes as above but allows me to crack on with the rest of my 20% in the gym.

Deadlifts

One of the greatest compound exercises you could ever begin to master. It is difficult yet very rewarding. It is so much more than a leg exercise or indeed a back exercise. To execute a perfect deadlift, every muscle needs to work hard. And it isn’t just a cardio machine that gets the heart racing. Give me 10 reps for 5 sets at a medium to heavy weight and tell me that you haven’t worked up a sweat! There are lots of variations to get to grips with too, so you’ll never get bored.

Bench Press

Again, this is a compound that should be incorporated into a complete workout routine. Known for working the chest (pecs) it is doing it a disservice to label it as such. The best bench press form actually comes from the drive from your feet and into your core before your push. Variations can be done by using dumbbells and different bench angles and isn’t just for men wanting impressive pecs! Females should perform them too! Also, depending on your weights and reps this will target your triceps and shoulders effectively.

Squats

With a barbell, with kettlebells, with dumbbells, with a weight plate or body weight, squats could possibly be the greatest exercise to master of them all. You can perform them anywhere! In the gym, at home, in the office or waiting for the bus. Great for your legs, of course, but your core will need to work hard for your perfect form.

Rows

Traditionally performed as a bent over barbell row, but can be adapted to be done with dumbbells and kettlebells with both hands or just single handed. In my experience of teaching these techniques it is possibly the one that is done incorrectly. The back muscles seem to be tough muscle groups to target without good ‘mind to muscle’ technique, therefore the biceps tend to do too much of the work without the proper scapular retraction needed. However, this is part of your 20% for the 80% benefits so I’d start getting used to them!

Isolation exercises are often used too often and too early within a workout. By isolating smaller muscle groups we don’t elicit muscle growth, hypertrophy, fat loss or strength in the way that we intend to, which can create frustration with our goals. The compounds suggested above should be your staple, go-to exercises, but weights, rep ranges and sets will vary depending on individual goals.

NEAT

I’m going to dive straight in with a phrase that you might have heard before but if not I don’t want you to think I’m getting all sciency. I’m not, but it is important in the context of this article.

Non-Exercise Activity Thermogenisis (NEAT)

Thermogenisis, according to sciencedirect.com, is defined as the dissipation of energy through the production of heat occuring in adipose tissue (fat) and skeletal muscle.

How I define it is if you move more you burn more calories due to the energy expenditure. The Non-Exercise Activity bit relates to the movement that you do outside of your exercise routines.

And by moving I mean by just being alive. The average person can burn 75 calories per hour by breathing. A person in a coma will generally lose weight as the body will still generate energy in order to maintain basic functions.

However, the latter is an extreme example of energy expenditure so let’s look at this sensibly!

If the average person were to stand for 6 hours instead of sitting they would burn an extra 100 calories. It doesn’t seem like much but it adds up to 2.5k within the year!

And yet, I wouldn’t fancy standing through the final series of Ozark so maybe that’s a bit unrealistic still.

If you were to take the stairs instead of a lift then you would use up to 7 times more energy than taking a lift. Again, maybe it doesn’t sound like a great deal but if you have an office job that requires a few flights of stairs that is some serious energy expenditure by the end of the year.

In a previous post I’ve talked about parking further away from the gym to warm up. You can take this even further by applying it to your grocery shop or parking further away from town to get more steps in. The average person uses 300-400 calories from walking 10,000 steps.

Sex, on average, burns just over a hundred calories, but I have no idea who discovered this or how long the experiment lasted!!

In fact what we do with out NEAT each day will probably burn a considerable amount of calories compared to what we can achieve in a workout, especially if one is fairly active anyway. But if we were to put all three factors together…NEAT…Exercise at least 3 times a week and a balanced diet, then we can lose weight sensibly.

And they all compliment each other. Being NEAT often leads to a more proactive attitude towards exercise and exercise tends to lead to better food choices.

Perhaps if you have a weight loss goal, instead of being so daunted about the gym or when to exercise your first steps should be to think NEAT.

The Balanced Plate

Calorie counting apps are useful to see how many calories you consume each day. But none of them…

Have a qualified PT inputting your data to ensure that you are not going too restrictive with your daily calories
Provide information on alternatives to your current diet
Create workouts in your very own exercise library on your app specific to your goals
Enable you to talk through your difficult days and have a live conversation with your PT (which happens to be me!)

I have created this challenge because I am my everyday client. I want to feel better and fit into my clothes but I also like cheese and biscuits on an evening washed down with a glass of wine. I work hard and want to indulge sometimes. And this is where I can help. I can prove that we can still enjoy the food we enjoy without guilt. I can show you how to balance the necessary nutrients alongside the other foods too. Nothing is banned, not if WE take control.

Not only am I professionally qualified to help my trainees, but I live through the same anxieties as them. My takeaway habits have been out of control. I’ve had moments where I’ve gone through two, three, four packets of crisps on an evening. I created habits of eating chocolate every night after my main meal and I’ve had times where I haven’t given myself any days off of drinking alcohol for weeks. I became a personal trainer because I felt that I could connect with people like myself. I knew that if I could do that, armed with the knowledge of how to fix it, then I could help others.

Guilt around our food is the biggest obstacle. If you eat the high calorie food that takes you over your daily calories then I say,”I hope that you enjoyed it! Own it, you ate it. Now move on.” No guilt needed. We just try and get your next meal back on track.

I will probably have to check my takeaway, crisps, chocolate and alcohol intake again in the future. I have goals. I am confident at staying on track. But I’m human. I slip into old habits and when I do I’ll deal with it in the way that I know how. I don’t look for perfection from myself or my trainees. I look for effort and honesty.

The Balanced Plate Challenge has, by far, been my greatest online training success to date. The results have been amazing. But like anything that’s worth doing it isn’t always easy and the path is not linea. The challenge doesn’t stop there which is why I’ll continue to develope The Balanced Plate beyond its 4 week challenge. And like every challenge that I set for my trainees, whatever they achieve, this is just the beginning. Imagine what they can do moving forwards.

The Feather In The Drawer

I walked up to my 8 year old son’s wardrobe with dread. I knew, as soon as I opened the double doors just very slightly a heap of clothes, football shirts, teddies and toys would spill out. As much as we ask him to tidy his bedroom we know that anything on the floor will get thrown into the wardrobe if he can’t find a home for it. We also tackle the cupboard often too. For some reason I’m the nominated football shirt sorter. My wife is the school uniform organizer. There are so many different football shirts so I feel like I’ve got the raw deal here . I put them in their correct place either folded for footy practice the next day by his bed, in his wardrobe or in his younger brothers drawer if they are small shirts. And if they have the shirts to match then the same procedure has to happen for them. The socks too.

But I can’t put all of the blame on our son’s lack of tidying up skills. Also inside of this wardrobe is loads of old clothes that no longer fit the boys. The tractor t-shirt that they both wore as babies, mittens, dungarees, shorts from their first summer holidays, coats from a few winters ago. I remember their first ever snowman that they built in those. I think that this wardrobe would be much more organized if mum and dad could just let go.

We’ve got so much better at not hoarding so much stuff. We’re both sentimental so selling or throwing our kids clothes can be tough but we do have periods in the year where we have clear outs. Certain coats, mittens and dungarees always remain though. They have special memories that we just can’t let go it seems. A tatty old Baby Jake book will always be remembered for the late nights getting our eldest to sleep as a baby. I knew the book by heart. How could we throw that?!

Funnily enough I’m not sentimental about the big, life changing stuff. I’m from Leeds and I moved away about 14 years ago. Apart from fleeting visits to see family occasionally I have no desire to go back. I have not once considered going back to the Corn Exchange for old times sake or standing at the steps of College of Technology all teary eyed. Stepping back in time seems daunting. But for some reason, the feather that my son picked up when he was one and a half remains at the bottom of the takeaway drawer in the kitchen. My mind pictures the moment every time I see it.

I have always wanted to reinvent myself in some way. Standing still or looking back doesn’t sit well with me. If I’m not happy with something I move on. I won’t dwell on the things that make me anxious. I didn’t like my birth name so I changed it. I don’t like where I live or work then I change it. And for the ultimate challenge if I don’t like my body, I change it. Selling up and moving on has come easily to my wife and I. In our 15 years together Scarborough has become our 5th town or city and we’re living in our 6th house. And that’s not necessarily because we disliked where we lived but because we found a new challenge elsewhere.

I have gone from a senior in a day center, restaurant manager, confectionery business owner, market stall holder, support worker, Personal Trainer and now Online Coach in the time that my wife and I have known each other and I know that she has played a huge part in those successes. She has her own success story. As for the failures we take them on the chin and move on.

I proposed to my wife in the Boboli Gardens in Florence. During that trip we created a travel journal and collected receipts, napkins and photos to put in it. Of course, we still have that. Looking back through that feels like a life time ago. I felt young and free spirited. Now, I often feel old with the occasional glimmer of free spirit! But that glimmer comes from my job as a husband, a dad and to my work and while I have those then that glimmer will always be there.

And if it’s an old tractor T-shirt in the wardrobe or a feather in the takeaway drawer that has to remind me, then they are worth keeping.

The 20 Minute Workout Challenge

The recent successes of my clients taking on the 20MWC has prompted me to keep the programme open. I often develop new challenges which I will announce in due course but the 20MWC is a keeper due to its high demand and the feedback I have received.

The beauty of this challenge is that it solves the issues of some of the biggest concerns for those wanting to begin a fitness journey. Time is the number one concern for most people and it holds them back at beginning an exercise routine in the first place. And then there’s the issue of where to exercise. I have worked with many people who chose to exercise without a gym membership and I think that we all discovered alternatives during gym closures in the past two years. You can exercise anywhere… especially for just 20 minutes a day.

But it’s not just about staying active. Build into the 20MWC is the calories and macro calculator for a trainee to keep on track of their nutrition targets. And the best bit is that I never ban any food. Those who have read my views already will know that I believe that banning foods can be counterproductive. By the end of week 4, my trainees have completed 400 minutes of exercise in their chosen environment and have been able to balance their calorie and macro intake without ommiting any food types with fantastic results.

Indeed, it has become such a huge success that some trainees who have completed this challenge want to take it up again. Of course, I raise the bar for round two!

If you would like to begin this challenge or enquire about any of my other online PT work that might be of interest to you email me at shay.pt@hotmail.com.

The Car Park Walk

In the previous gym that I trained in the car park was huge. The gym was attached to a busy shopping centre and, despite its high demands, the car park was never even half full. The gym I train in now shares its car park with the college, university and the Town’s football club stadium. It is massive. Not everyone’s gym has such luxury, admittedly, but if you are a member of a nationwide gym then I would imagine that it is a part of a shopping or leisure complex with ample car parking.

It is striking how many people I observe parking as close as possible to the gym entrance (even the naughty tinkers parking in a disabled spot without a badge in an attempt to get even closer) and then proceed to warm up on a treadmill.

I might have mentioned in a previous blog that I find treadmills excessive in these nationwide gyms. Simply put, I think that they take up too much room. These gyms are lucky to have two squat racks whilst rows upon rows of treadmills take up centre stage. Gyms do this for two reasons…

1. They are appealing to a mass market where consumers still believe that running on a treadmill burns more calories than resistance training.

2. Their PT’s don’t need to have a variety of knowledge standing next to someone on a treadmill. Teaching someone how to squat needs strength and conditioning experience. Cheering someone along on a treadmill is as good as getting the pom poms out. Teaching movement is a skill.

Machines and cardio equipment are easy and comfortable enough for the gym goers and the gym staff to work around and it sells memberships and cheap PT. A brand new gym member with little experience will always make a beeline for the tready first. It’s a comfort zone. Also, treadmills tell you how many calories a user has burnt during their time on it whereas a round of German Volume Training doesn’t. But guess which comes out on top?

Yet nothing can tell us how many calories we have burnt in any given activity. There are rough guides which is what we read from a tready, but unless your £40 a month gym has invested in the same high tech equipment as at Harvard Sports Science then we, the general public, are left with an estimate based on how fast you set the treadmill for.

Walking and running, however, are fantastic exercises which is why the treadmill has its uses, they just don’t need to breed so heavily in a mainstream gym. Yet walking and running can be done anywhere, even on the spot at home, in the office and the best of all in the great outdoors! Walking and running can be incorporated into a kick ass fat loss routine that gets results. That is proven. So what’s so bad about the carpark walk? Surely it can save you time in the long run.

If you have one hour to train, getting your heart rate up and your blood pumping with a swift walk across a car park is ample enough. Your cool down, too, can be the walk back to your car. This gives you more time to focus on more reps, sets and activities with everything else in the gym rather than warm ups and cool downs eating up your precious time.

If my trainee is performing deadlifts, then I will ask them to do a couple of warm up sets at deadlifts. I see no evidence to suggest that being on a treadmill will warm them up any better or as efficiently as the movement that they are about to perform. Likewise, if they are training for a marathon I wouldn’t warm them up with deadlifts prior to their run. Soccer players kick and run before kick off. Tennis players rally with each other. A boxer will shadow box in the locker room, not perform the Riverdance before their bout. It needs to remain relevant to your goals.

So let’s stop wasting time, use your training time wisely and, if you really want to get your steps in, do the car park walk.

Do You Know What Your Problem Is?

Your fitness journey is a problem. Make it your problem.

Ok. So before you criticize me for being all Negative Nancy on you, let me explain.

This problem is not a bad problem. If you think of a mathematical equation, a riddle, a puzzle or a science experiment, these are all set to challenge us but are also something to solve.

To solve this problem there are no time limits.

I was asked today ‘At what point will you be satisfied with your fitness achievements?’

I think I answered probably by 70 years old, but that’s incorrect. To a certain degree I’ll never be completely satisfied. I want to keep on learning, developing, defying the ageing process and become stronger. To do this, my fitness journey needs to be my problem that I can succeed with, fail with, become really pissed off with, cry and laugh with.

Some logical decisions have been made to help me continue succeeding, but there are the ones that must be avoided and that is comparing myself to others. It doesn’t matter what Big Dave from sales is deadlifting. He’s a good 20 years younger than me, genetically blessed with quads of steel and is performing in the next Pro-Am bodybuilding contest. That’s HIS problem. I’ve got my own.

The only young whippersnapper I’m comparing myself to is my 30 year old self. I want to be ahead of him. If, as I get older, I’m still ahead of him then I’ll be a bit closer to cracking the code. One thing that I know now that my 30 year old self doesn’t is that once you crack a code, there’s a whole new challenge to engage with. The problems stack up. There’s a bigger puzzle at the other side of the door. He doesn’t know that and it immediately puts me at an advantage, despite my age, because I’m prepared for it.

My health is important to me, but maybe not in the same way as you might think. I won’t live my life just to stay alive. But I will live my life to enjoy it way into my later years. It is rare that I see an elderly person and think ‘I want to be like that when I’m their age’. Instead they give me more reason to get my ass to the gym. I don’t want to struggle when I walk or run. I don’t want to have weight issues that cause breathing difficulties and bad knees.

And, unashamedly, I want to look the best too. I want to be confident in my clothes. I don’t just want to be strong I want to look strong. Be it at 50, 60, 70, 80 or 90 years old. After that I might quit my gym membership and just watch Loose Women all day. I’ll decide on that if and when the problem arises.

What I can’t do, then, if I aim to achieve all of this, is give up on my problems. What’s the alternative to giving up on the gym? If I aren’t happy with my progression in my fitness goals then I’m certainly not going to be happy if I sack it off. The answer lies with the willingness to solve the problem and persist.

My favourite Einstein quote says,’It’s not that I’m so smart, it’s just that I stay with problems longer’.

To really begin to solve problems we must really dig deep and keep trying to find answers. If we quit, the problem is still there, it’s just that now it becomes an unsolved pain that we have to live with rather than one to embrace and celebrate after another success. And the success, no matter how small it might seem, is another piece of the solution.

We don’t have to be smart, we just need to never give up.

Fail Better

As a kid I had this unhealthy attitude towards winning and losing. Losing to me was failure. I hated it. But then winning didn’t feel like the best thing in the world either. It felt ok but the negative emotions that I felt during defeat was far stronger than the emotions I had at winning. For years, I was a sore loser.

It didn’t help matters that I also found it difficult to get over a defeat that was out of my control. When the football club that I supported lost it could easily spoil a weekend. So supporting Liverpool in the 90’s gave me many miserable weekends.

Without realising until I was much older I now look back at my old self and wonder what opportunities I missed out on, just in case I failed. Did I not study hard enough during my GCSE years because of the hurt I would put myself through if I didn’t get the grades I wanted? Did I avoid wanting to be noticed at football so that I never had to be told that I wasn’t good enough? Did I miss out on job interviews or promotions because I didn’t want to be judged and told ‘no’? I’m sure many of us reading this can relate to how our younger selves handled these types of situations.

I’m determined for my kids not to go through the same turmoil as me. I want them to succeed in life therefore I need them to fail sometimes. I now know that the biggest learning curve is when you are having to deal with disappointment. Rather than be scared of failure, I want them to appreciate that it happens. It will be inevitable at some stage. Winning is good, but knowing how to do it after bouncing back from defeat is even better. If they can learn to manage their feelings of failure and know how to put it right now, their path to success is much smoother in later life.

In my career I have spoken to people who still sound like they hold that fear and cannot handle disappointed.

“I’d never go to the gym so there’s no point in getting a membership.”

“I’ve got a bad back so I can’t lift weights.”

“My doctor says I need to lose weight but I like eating XYZ too much.”

“I haven’t got time.”

These are all examples of excusing themselves in order to avoid disappointment. And the truth is that they will have had a gym membership before and they will have tried to diet, but their fear of not seeing results has made them quit.

The results are a big problem. We put events in our lives as either success or failure. Did I fail at English GCSE because I got B/B instead of A? Did I fail at football because I was scouted by Leeds City Boys instead of Leeds United? Did I fail in my job because I made a senior instead of managing the whole facility?

I have achieved many things but perhaps sometimes I expected too much too soon which put greater pressure on me. And much like the people I speak to, their expectations are too high. It seems easier to quit than to manage such extreme goals. Their comfort zone of not trying anymore feels safer than having to face defeat.

And yet, actually, there is no defeat as long as they have a plan, stick to it and trust the process. Results worth getting cannot happen in an instant. It does take time and it can be difficult. Sometimes, even feeling like they’ve failed will be there. It has to be there as part of the process. But that’s only because they are human and no matter what successes they have along the way it will always be the one setback that stirs the emotions the most. Using that setback as a springboard to further success is the key. Fail better.

Perhaps Dr Seuss says it best…

“Wherever you fly, you’ll be the best. Wherever you go, you will topple all the rest. Except when you don’t, because sometimes you won’t.”