self belief – Page 7 – Never Give Up PT

Tis The Season To Start Now!

I don’t know if anyone else has noticed, but the TV adverts are all of a sudden looking a lot more Christmassy this week. It seems like one minute I was collecting sweets with my two little devils and then the next minute I’m buying my box of Bounty-less Celebrations ready to open on Christmas day!

Oh how holiday consumerism flies.

And for 54% of the UK at least, what will be around the corner not long after a repeat of Morecambe and Wise will be the new years resolutions. A quarter of those resolutions will be health based, but only 9% of new years resolutioners will continue into the new year with their goals and actually achieve what they set out to do.

My theory is that when January arrives there has been very little planning involved in starting a fitness goal, if any at all. I can’t imagine many programs or meal menus being created over an episode of Jools Holland’s Hootenanny. In fact, due to the upheaval of the previous two weeks before January starts, it is probably the hardest month to commit to in regards to health and fitness.

So what is the best time?

Now is the short and easy answer. Today you can get a gym membership. Today you can write down a few healthy nutritious meals ideas and buy the ingredients for them. Today you can read an article like this and think ‘What am I waiting for?!’

What are you waiting for? My guess is that you don’t see any point in starting now seeing as silly season is just around the corner. But if we do the math then you might feel differently.

There are 57 days until New Year’s Day. So even if you take two weeks off of training over the festive period that’s 43 days left to train.

But you don’t need to train every day. Let’s be sensible and meet around half way. If you trained 3 days a week at an hour each time from now until a Christmas break, that is 18 hours.

One hour of light training can burn 200 calories per hour. Times that by 18 and you have burnt 3600 calories before the Christmas break.

One hour of vigorous training can burn 600 calories per hour. Times that by 18 and you have burnt 10,800 calories before the Christmas break.

These estimates are without the additional ‘after burn’ effect that you get, especially through resistance training, where your body will still be burning calories during the recovery phase.

Not only do the numbers look impressive, but the whole package does.

* You have already built up momentum before January arrives

* Beginning different eating habits straight after such an indulgent period as Christmas is extremely tough

* If you wanted to hire a PT, this time of year is good and you might be able to strike a deal. January can be a bit pricier during their busier months such as January.

So if you’re looking to get started on a health and fitness journey and you find yourself saying “I’ll wait until January”, think again. The sleigh is waiting for you now. Your journey can begin today.

Tell Yourself

The act of congratulating one’s self might seem a little egotistical to some. And perhaps, like everything else, we can form opinions about stuff that only makes sense once we give a bit of context to each situation.

For example, the gym goer checking themselves out in the gym mirror can look like they’re being self absorbed or a ‘poser’. But what if they’re training for a bodybuilding competition and a part of their sport is to flex. Or even if they’re not training for competition, maybe they’re actually quite insecure about a certain part of their body and they want to admire themselves for a short time before the negative feelings about themselves come flooding back.

And I have met people who have tried ‘bigging’ themselves up by putting other people down. They will constantly tap away at your insecurities and laugh at your failures to cover up their own inadequacies. It is difficult, but being the better person and politely removing yourself from this type of person is the best thing to do in this situation. Like I say, it is difficult, as your reactions are often to start believing what they say to you or to give them a piece of your mind and insult them back. But remember, they’re possibly even more insecure than you, that’s why they do it.

Congratulating yourself can be done with humility. It can be done in private so you’re not being ‘showy’. And maybe you should give it a try.

Men of all ages (not just teenagers) grunt into the mirror as they flex their pecs like a WWE wrestler and women check their rears with their new jeans on and feel satisfied with the gym work they’ve done that week. That is a sure sign of congratulating one’s self and giving a well deserved pat on the back, but I’m thinking of something much deeper than that with a greater impact on our mindset and wellbeing. I’m talking about positive affirmations, mantras and reflection.

Sometimes it’s important just to stop and reflect on what you’ve achieved that day or week. Heck, if you have the time you can reflect on your achievements throughout your whole life!

Did you pass the exam and get a dream job? Did you stick to an exercise plan and reach a fitness goal? Have you done your best as a parent or partner? Did you make someone smile today?

If your answer is no to any of these, that’s fine, because now you have given an honest answer, doing it better tomorrow becomes a little easier. But to do things better I believe that affirmations are powerful tools. These are words and short sentences that you tell yourself and repeat them.

In the advertising industry, short sharp slogans are very popular. The most popular seem to be the three word slogans which are also adopted by politicians. Here are a few examples…

Just do it

Taste the rainbow

Build a wall

Get brexit done

I’m lovin’ it

Yes we can

Education, education, education

Take back control

Strong and stable

Maybe it’s Maybelline

Let’s go places

How many of those can you identify? They are memorable because they have a certain ring to them, almost like a chant. Indeed, Trump’s ‘Build a wall’ speech was chanted by himself and his followers. Whether you like the political ideology and the product or not, these slogans were/are very successful which have helped create huge brands with many voters and consumers alike. They were believed. They were punchy.

Now, let’s go back to you. If you gave yourself a moment each day, for example in the mornings, to repeat positive affirmations to yourself, do you think that this could work for you? Indeed, this precedes advertising slogans by thousands of years so it is most certainly working for somebody! My guess is that it worked so well for so many cultures and religions throughout the world for so long that a very clever advertising agent cottoned on to it too. And voilà. What was said over and over again became reality.

You might find it strange to come up with a phrase and repeat it to yourself. It might be uncomfortable at first. But you actually do it already without really acknowledging it. You make a judgement on whether you can reach the jar on the top shelf. You create dynamic risk assessments when crossing the road and driving a car. These daily routines are embedded into your life. Therefore the same affirmations are repeated over and over again.

“Yes, the road is clear,” is a typical example of this. You are confirming your belief that you can cross the road. So why not take a moment in your day to consciously go through your positive affirmations?

Phrases such as…

I am strong

I am confident

Today, I can do it

I am grateful

I will do

…can impact you so profoundly that you begin to believe. After all, you use self fulfilling prophecies to be negative about yourself all the time. Whether it’s how you look, how you act, what you’ve achieved. Imagine countering this negative thinking with “today I look good, I feel great, I am happy!”

Allow yourself the time to tell yourself these great and wonderful things about you. Yes, you. Just a moment in time where you tell yourself how fucking fantastic you are. Tell yourself daily. Make it as much of a priority as eating. Ensure that it becomes as natural as breathing. There’s no shame in telling yourself that you are a good person. It is not self indulgent to believe that you are an important person in other people’s lives and you are capable of great things to them and to you.

You just need to do one simple thing to make it be true. And that’s to keep telling yourself.

I am a Personal Trainer, Meditation Guide, a Cognitive Behavioural Therapist in Anxiety and I tell myself that I’m the luckiest man alive every day. Therefore I am.

A Little Reminder To Anyone Who Needs To Know This Today

There are certain industries that require us to dislike who we are, how we look, what we fear and dislike each other by being judgemental.

Working in the fitness industry I know only too well the secrets and the subliminal messages that advertisers and the media put together to make us feel inadequate.

I’m determined to break the mould with how I approach your health and your wellbeing.

Start now. Right now. With giving yourself a great big hug and telling yourself how amazing you are. Wanting change isn’t a bad thing, but you’ve got this in your own time with the right support around you.

Then tell somebody how fantastic they look. Comment on their hair, their clothes, compliment somebody at work for doing a great job, and don’t feel silly about making someone’s day in the gym by telling them how well they’re doing with their goals.

Empower others, but make sure you’re empowering yourself too.

Self Acceptance

What does ‘self acceptance’ mean to you?

For me it is about realising that I’m not perfect, that I have flaws, I cannot please others or myself all of the time and whilst working to improve daily I can still find humour in my weaknesses.

I’m changing daily. So are you. If you can truly accept yourself today, maybe your tomorrow’s self will be happier.

Here are a few other examples of how people interpret self acceptance…

“When you stop living your life based on what others think of you real life begins. At that moment you will finally see the door of self acceptance open.” Author Shannon L. Alder

“You have been criticizing yourself for years, and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.” Author Louise L Hay

Or poet R.H Sin simply put “Make peace with your broken pieces.”

And Buddha said “You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”

I am currently studying the Socratic method of cognitive behaviour and one of the principles of this is Self Acceptance. It got me thinking. I’m supposed to be the one helping others, yet there are days when I’m so down on myself I feel like a fraud for even attempting to help anybody else. And then I got it. A bit of a lightbulb moment perhaps.

I’m not supposed to be perfect every day. Some days I will make mistakes, I’ll let myself down or I’ll give up on something. But if I have the ability to accept this as part of me, then I know how to fix it.

In my interpretation of Self Acceptance I said that finding humour in my weaknesses is a factor. Sometimes finding the humility to laugh at myself or to say sorry to somebody rather than excuse myself is a good place to start. Battling with ego and pride takes so much more energy than simply accepting a mistake or a blemish.

Take a moment yourself to think about all of the fantastic qualities that you have. You have flaws, yet the positive aspects of you and your life can outweigh the negatives if you allow them to. And in the meantime you can work on the bits that you don’t like too.

You just need to accept them.

Thank you for reading my blog. Please contact me if you have any questions or if you would like to apply for a place on my coaching app.

The Journey

A very important piece of advice was given to me the other day and it has stuck with me. In fact, the more I think about it the more I can relate it to me and my goals and I see it in other people too.

The person who loves to walk will walk further than the person who loves the destination.

When you love the journey, goals just happen. The destination is cool too! But you are so engaged with the process you don’t even realise that you are there. You carry on. You hit more milestones. And whether you inch forward on some days or you take big strides, you want to continue.

This advice is so huge it goes beyond the stuff we do to become fitter or jacked or to control our weight. This is a lesson for life. There are some months I could earn more money in my previous job. I could walk away from being self-employed with no holiday or sick pay and know that I could have a regular income each month.

But this journey that I’m on? Priceless. I’ll enjoy this journey so much more. The stress, the pitfalls and the headaches are there but the good times, by far, outweigh the bad. This is my own process. My destiny.

I’ll need to give myself a little tap on the shoulder in future when I have a moment feeling down or inadequate just to remind myself of why I keep walking. Some days I’m crawling, some days I’m running. Either way, I keep going forward on my journey because I enjoy it.

I spent so long not enjoying the process. In the gym I’d choose the wrong exercises because ‘that’s just what you need to do, dude!’

And yet it isn’t what I ‘just need to do’. I need to find the few exercises that I enjoy and become good at them. Then the journey really begins. I find new and interesting formulas and techniques. Maybe stuff that I hated before became appealing and the challenge of trying it and succeeding gets me out of bed in the morning.

Transferring this attitude into everyday life is similar. The journey needs to make sense to you. It has to be yours and a good PT will make it yours because it will be personal to you. Something I’ve yet to see from Poundland PT is actually making Personal Training personal. If a PT can’t do that all they do is give every person they train a gym induction. Gym inductions are free.

Your journey becomes an obsession. Obsessions can be healthy, even if we might not like the word or its connotation. Most people we see as being happy, healthy or successful got to where they are because they were obsessed about their journey. They trained almost every day. They made their journey personal and kept on walking.

So what of the destination? Is it irrelevant? No, for sure it plays a part, but if you focus on the big house, the sports car, becoming jacked, being a size 8, taking 4 cruises a year or having the perfect family then you will be disappointed. You’ll want short cuts. You’ll take routes that you don’t enjoy and can even be dangerous to your mental or physical health. You become desperate. You quit.

The destination just happens. But it only happens if you enjoy the walk.

Keep going forward son. There’s nothing to stop you on your journey but your own self doubts.

Running Up That Hill

According to English folklore, a giant lived in a fortress on Penhill in Wensleydale. Legend has it the giant would eat flocks of sheep and terrorise the locals. This week I terrorised the locals by taking my kids to a holiday cottage nearby.

I knew that we would do lots of walking in very beautiful surroundings in the countryside on our family holiday to Wensleydale and Coverdale, but I didn’t expect just how breathtakingly beautiful it would be. And seeing as it is August, I didn’t expect the wind and the rain as we attempted a very large, steep hill. It was absolutely torrential as we began our walk up Penhill. And with the wind against us, every step seemed like a huge achievement. I can only imagine what it was like for the boys little legs. Yet they thrived throughout it. As for Lou and I there were a few times we wanted to turn back. But Lou has done this many times before as she grew up in Leyburn. For me, it was my first time. I couldn’t turn back. I had to tick it off the list. The boys wouldn’t have had it any other way.

Penhill is not a huge mountain that takes days to climb. It is probably not even the biggest hill in Wensleydale, but it was enough for us given the weather and a 6 and 8 year old to keep safe. At about an hour and a half from start to the top, it challenged us. And the sense of achievement that I got from getting to the top and back down again in difficult conditions was extremely satisfying. The kids were buzzing at the top. The memory of making their way into the clouds looking down on everything below is a memory just as good as an experience abroad in some exciting new place, city or beach. This was Yorkshire, right on their doorstep.

And I often use hills and mountains as a metaphor for a life challenge. Some are daunting and scary. They seem steep and treacherous. They might be smaller to some people, bigger to others. Every hill or mountain is unique to every one of us. But in our own way we climb each one that we are faced with and it might even take a few attempts.

The Penhill Giant might just be a mythical creature, but there’s an ogre that lives inside all of our heads that is wanting to terrorise us. The only sure way to avoid it is to keep running up that hill.

43

I set myself a little challenge when I hit 40. I didn’t mind turning 40. In fact I feel at ease with the ageing process. We are born, hopefully we live to a good age and then we die. Job done!

It’s the ‘living to a good age’ bit that I wanted to get right. I was pretty good at being born, so my mum said. I reckon I’ll give dying a good go too. But the middle bit I had to start getting right. It has been widely reported that the human body shows signs of decline at 40. So if this is something that happens whether I like it or not, I wanted it to be on my terms. I’ll age my way.

It is around 40 that our metabolism starts to slow down. This means it is easier to put unwanted weight on. To combat this I developed a regular resistance training programme that means I am burning around 3,500 calories per week at rest. The benefits of this is that I’m not constantly dieting. I’m strict with my nutrients and macros for 80% of the time but for the other 20% it is play time!

Also at 40, we begin to shrink. This is actually due to a form of bone disorder called kyphosis when the spine starts to curve. The old person depicted on the road sign didn’t follow a strength programme. Had they done, their back might be much straighter and they might not have a walking stick. Our bones begin to weaken and an effective strength routine can create bone density in older age, not lose it.

At 40 we develop more digestive issues. Indigestion, constipation and ulcers are more common. I used to dodge the fruit and veg in my 20’s and 30’s. The phrase ‘you can’t outrun a poor diet’ is very true, but when I was younger I didn’t believe it. I could eat whatever I liked and had no stomach illnesses and belly fat wasn’t a problem. But as I approached my late 30’s I started to believe. I had to change my attitude towards what I ate and fast, but for someone who enjoyed ten cold hotdogs out of a jar and a bottle of wine every night it wasn’t easy. Training my brain and changing my habits was just as important as what I do in the gym.

Now, at 43, I feel fitter and stronger than ever. I suffer less injuries and less anxiety. My performances in the gym have improved year on year in recent times and I’m pleased with my aesthetics. Aesthetics are important to me. They always have been but at an age where hairs sprout from strange places and hair disappears from where it should be, being in control of my appearance where I can be is particularly satisfying now.

So the challenge that I set myself when I turned 40 was to improve my physical and mental state even though the evidence is stacked against me. It means that I need to work harder for it. I have to believe in MY process, not the ‘ageing process’ I read in Medical Monthly.

My process. My fight. My life. And I’m bloody loving it!

A Relentless Pursuit

An influential coach in Leeds I used to work with recently spoke about his latest challenge at a recent event he participated in and highlighted “the relentless pursuit of better.”

Despite performing well, he was left slightly disappointed that he didn’t meet his intended target for the event.

Seb Cook demands it of himself and this enthusiasm is passed on to those he coaches.

But the term “the relentless pursuit of better” hit me. This will mean something different to every individual, this is what good coaches do, we find out what our trainees need and want. And much like Seb, every good coach will have their own version of “better” that they pursue.

I still have the drive and hunger to hit PB’s in the gym, but for a few years now my version of a better me is being a good dad, husband and friend. It’s about remaining in control and not getting so angry or upset if things don’t go my way. It’s about balancing my life and remaining grounded.

But I don’t believe that any of these would be possible to achieve without the commitment, dedication and discipline that going to the gym almost every day has given me.

For others it might be a long walk each day and meeting their step count. Or it could be sticking to a yoga class a few times a week. It could be running, climbing, swimming. Whatever each individual finds that gets them excited about doing it is a way of unlocking their potential. It begins their pursuit of better.

And, of course, you don’t even need to move to do it. In recent years I’ve found meditation to be a great source of self awareness and reflection. It makes me a better person.

Seb wasn’t looking for perfection in his event. He just keeps striving for better each time. This will be a success, yet, just one event will never define it as much.

Perhaps entrepreneur Howard Getson says it perfectly when he spoke about success when he said, “Success is not about an event or an outcome. It comes from the relentless pursuit of something better.”

So whatever you do tomorrow, make it a little bit better than today. And my number one piece of advice for making that happen is to prepare. Every day from now, prepare something for tomorrow and carry it out. Start your relentless pursuit.

Life, Heat and Catching Up!

Over the past few weeks I have set myself targets as to where I see myself in 12 months time. There’s no stress that I’ve put myself under with it apart from a further education course that I have started which has a deadline. Other than that, I have focused on what makes me happy and what my future self would thank me for.

I guess that’s partly why I have been less active in scribbling down my thoughts here. Any chance I have I have been studying, training or finding ways to develop myself, my business, my family life and my happiness.

But this makes me happy. Right now, writing this. So I thought it was time for a catch up.

I wouldn’t be able to commit to any of my targets if it wasn’t for certain people, or groups of people, in my life. I have spoken before about how my wife had encouraged me to become a Personal Trainer and her empowering spirit for me has now enabled me to become a certified Meditation teacher but also enrol on a Cognitive Behavioural Therapy course. The human brain interests me. I truly believe that if we can control the thoughts in our head better then we can live much happier lives with ourselves. I meet so many people who are unhappy with their physical selves, yet with a different approach to their way of thinking they would realise that they don’t have to be. Wanting change is fine, but only for the right reasons.

My clients inspire me. My online PT app bleeps at me more than a busy checkout isle at Sainsbury’s. I love getting alerts for a new achievement or a message on how their new training program is going. It makes me get off of my arse and get stuff done too!

And I have told my kids before that they are my heroes. Yes, kids should be told that they have the ability to inspire, empower and display heroic acts by their grown ups. My kids dealt with periods of lockdown better than me. My youngest is the brightest and most thoughtful boy. And my latest beaming with pride moment is when my 8 year old played a football tournament in stifling heat and helped his team win the final. 7 games in total and he didn’t stop running. His commitment in the final, even as his team went a goal down, saw him equalise and push his team to victory.

I have wanted to give the gym a miss during the recent heatwave but then I recall my son’s commitment to HIS cause in a difficult, energy zapping environment and got my own training done. It isn’t easy. Winning his medal didn’t come easily to him. If it did, would he have been almost in tears with sheer jubilation at the final whistle? I think not. Similarly, my goals don’t come easily either. But not even doing it eventually makes things even harder. My son tried his best. This time he won, but that won’t always happen.

Surround yourself with triers, empowerers and positive people and if you can give it back to them too.

I must get back to the books now. I have a course to complete. But I enjoyed the catch up. Speak soon.

Not If, But When

I like to think that I have a group of motivated and enthusiastic trainees who are focussed on their goals. At the moment there seems to be a buzz of excitement in what we are achieving, but it comes with a big red flashing light of caution.

As early as the consultation stage I like to prepare my future clients for the reality. Yes, they will succeed. They can reach their goals. But only if they become comfortable with the knowledge that it will be a case of not if, but when they have to face the feelings of failure.

Failure comes in many different guises. To some it’s a disappointing week with nutrition. To others it could be not seeing the results as quickly as they expected. It could be that they feel that they haven’t dedicated enough time to the gym or their weekend binge has set their progress back.

Even in elite sport the athletes will face failure. Djokovic might win Wimbledon, but he will drop sets. City might win the league, but they will lose games. A boxer might win the fight, but it doesn’t come without a few blows along the way. Real Madrid lost a whopping four times during their Champions League campaign in 2022 and yet went on to win the final. Being a Liverpool supporter I know that stat all too well!

The above sports people are trained to deal with the highs and lows of sport and competition. And let’s not hide away from the fact that your goals are a competition. If you set any type of target or goal, you begin to compete against yourself. Today, you compete against the yesterday’s you. Find that mindset and you make a big step towards your success. Acknowledge that sometimes the yesterday’s you will defeat you, then that’s an even bigger step.

But if you allow yourself to get bogged down on the low days then your journey will be so much more difficult. For many people it becomes too much and they give up.

The low days are the ones that you can look back on and embrace. These are the days when you learned something about yourself and you responded. It becomes an education. And in many ways you learn more on these days than you ever will on your good days.

Giving up on your goals is like slashing your three other tyres because you got a flat.

Sometimes you will get a flat tyre. Acknowledge it, know what to do or who to ask when it does, fix it and move on.