I don’t really do footballing heroes. I love the sport and I enjoy supporting Liverpool, but I do it all from afar. You won’t find me on the Kop at Anfield every week singing the names of the players. After all, they don’t come to watch me at my place of work either.
Also, despite being a massive football fan, top elite football can bore me a little. VAR (video assistant referee) can slow the game down too much and the injury feigning is a drag. So paying out hundreds of pounds to watch it live doesn’t float my boat.
However, seeing the pictures of Roberto (Bobby) Firmino’s final game at Anfield was quite emotional. He’s as close to a professional footballing hero as I have. And, yes, he’s a super talented footballer, but it’s the way he conducts himself as a person that has always impressed me. For 8 years at Liverpool, he has gone about his work with modesty and humility. No wonder the fans sing ‘Sim Señor’ to him whenever he appears on the pitch.*
I wish him all the best in the future.
An emotional Bobby on his final Anfield game
But I do have an outright winner to be my footballing hero and that’s my eldest son Jonas. Not only is he much better than I was at 9 years old, but he has overcome so much to continue doing what he loves to do which is to play football.
Covid halted his progress in football, but more importantly in his ability to develop his social skills. He would refuse to do weekly zoom meetings with school which were compulsory and he wouldn’t get involved in zoom meetings with his football team, Scarborough Athletic. He began with nervous ticks which he still has to control now and a trial at Leeds Utd ended with him walking off of the pitch because he felt overwhelmed. He became more and more isolated during lockdowns and he still has moments where he can get anxious in certain settings.
But on the football pitch is where he likes to express himself the most. With two feet and a great understanding of the game, he stands out when he plays.
But today he had his own ‘Sim Señor’ moment as he played his final game for his club. Of course, he managed a goal and an assist in the 2-2 game. His next team, if he wishes to pursue the game, will be in Portugal. This will be another massive step for Jonas if he joins another team having to re-establish himself in a different culture and a foreign language. So it’ll be a test for him, for sure.
The Scarborough Athletic coaches, Sam and Andy have been extremely supportive to Jonas at the club.
But it would be foolish to underestimate him. His setbacks have given him a steely resilience. He has had to work extremely hard sometimes just to go to training or a match, depending on his anxieties. Slowly he is overcoming this but a new environment will challenge this resilience.
It is, however, his Never Give Up attitude that makes him my footballing hero but it’s not about his talents, it is for the very same traits that Bobby Firmino has that impress me the most. He isn’t the loudest on the pitch, he is happy for his teammates to get the goals and the accolades, he plays football with a smile and he just keeps his head down and gets on with it.
I hope that he can continue to thrive in Portugal.
* Sim Señor were the original words to the Bobby Firmino song as this is Brazilian Portuguese but has been changed to Si Señor by the football fans.
If you’re unsure about how your plans are working out today, whether it be a fitness goal, a career move or a relationship, consider this quote from Nelson Mandela.
“I never lose. I either win or learn.”
If something hasn’t gone to plan today, then see this experience as an opportunity to learn. Don’t retreat or accept your attempts as failure, simply learn and move on.
We tend to only see ourselves as part of this universe. Indeed, the word ‘universe’ indicates that there’s just one. And yet we know very little about what is beyond our own galaxy. As we learn more about quantum physics, we are also becoming more open to what else is out there.
What if we could actually discover what lies beyond our galaxy within these parallel realities? What if you could discover new layers to this world and make contact with alternate versions of yourself?
This week, that is where I’ve been. This souped up variation of a visualization meditation can take you on a journey of discovery and empowerment. I felt it and I learnt a great deal about me and my future. Just for a moment, I lived it.
Before I explain more about QJM, I first need to describe to you how the universe works for us. The universe is like a Google search bar. When you type in a search on Google, the algorithm will match what it is you’re looking for. So sophisticated is this engine, that it will also begin to create ads and suggestions based on what you input into it. Well, the universe works in exactly the same way.
A vibrational frequency from your thoughts and emotions is picked up by the universe where it will begin to match your frequency into matching algorithms.
So QJM allows us to get deep inside our subconscious mind and shape our inner beliefs and expectations. Through QJM we can access dormant areas of our minds and explore desired realities. Through these focussed techniques of QJM, we can create positive outcomes and allow the universe to process this through its matching algorithms.
Quite a lot of guided meditations that I use when I feel like I need it is by Jason Stephenson on YouTube. I really would recommend that you allow yourself some time to listen and focus on his version of a Quantum Jump Manifestation. They can be a lengthy hour or two though, so do make sure that you can have an evening to yourself (or with a partner) to take the jump. You might like some time to process your experience afterwards too.
Although I’m qualified in guided meditations I’m going to continue learning and hopefully find a way of qualifying me to conduct QJM for other people, so I won’t be sharing any of my versions just yet! But if you are interested in giving it a go, check out Jason Stephenson’s QJM and tell me how you got on.
For now, keep feeding those positive thoughts to the universe.
It is very rare that I cry, but I did this morning. It was as I watched a news article that set me off blubbing.
Yesterday there was a charity run held in Leeds which would aim to raise money for lots of great charities. One of those being charities associated with Motor Neuron Disease (MND).
Of course, running for these charities were Kevin Sinfield and his ex Leeds Rhinos team mate Rob Burrow.
For those of you who don’t know these guys, Rob Burrow was one of the best ever rugby league players I’d ever seen and it was the likes of him and Sinfield that would have me and thousands of Rhinos fans going back to Headingley stadium every week to watch them play. As a football fan who didn’t entirely understand the rules of rugby this was quite a thing. But I just needed to go and appreciate just how good this team was.
Just a few years after his retirement in 2019, Rob Burrow was diagnosed with MND. Him having children of a similar age to mine has made me extra sensitive to this news. He had had a stellar playing career, a beautiful family and he was an extremely young and fit man with a well deserved career in coaching or whatever he chose to do in retirement. MND had other ideas.
Kevin Sinfield, his best friend, has been an absolute rock to Rob, his family and the whole of the MND community.
Yesterday, as Kevin helped push Rob to the finish line, he picked him up and they crossed the line together. I saw it for the first time this morning and I was in bits.
What went through my mind? How strong Rob was. As a rugby player he was a Gladiator but he has been even stronger since his horrible diagnosis, speaking out on behalf of the MND community whilst dealing with his own emotions. I thought about what a fantastic friend Kevin Sinfield is. You’d expect support from your pal, of course, but he has been an absolute inspiration to us all. That moment when he picked Rob from out of his chair and crossed the finishing line together symbolises friendship, strength and togetherness, a reminder that we don’t have to struggle alone if we have the right people around us. Whatever the finish line we have to cross, we can do it with a friend like Kevin Sinfield.
But as wonderful a moment as it was, it was also very sad. It was sad to see what devastating effect MND can have on the body. Like Rob, we can train, eat a strict diet and do all the right things, but life can be cruel.
Every time I hear a story like this it fully confirms my beliefs that what I plan for me and my family’s future is the right thing to do. Moving to Portugal to pursue our dreams is happening now because I’m not hanging around any longer. For what? What do we hang around for? Why do we procrastinate on our dreams and goals and all the things that might bring us joy and happiness?
Whether it’s a course that you’ve fancied applying for, a career move, a gym goal or whatever, today is the day to start the process.
And when you surround yourself with the right people, you can achieve your dreams and they’ll also be there to pick you up when you’re down. During their playing days I can bet that there will have been dozens of times that Rob has given Kevin the good advice, the pep talk and the commitment to get over the line. kev is just repaying the favour.
Life can show us how cruel it can be but how wonderful and valuable it can be too. Live your life and cherish how wonderful it is.
Do I feel less anxious because I started to balance my energy flow using chakra energy, or did I begin to feel less anxious and therefore felt more open to chakra balancing?
I was always a skeptic when it came to meditation, chakra balancing and crystal healing. But perhaps I just never understood it before. Now, as a meditation guide, I am obviously fully on board with the powers of this method of calling upon ones own positive energy.
Truth be told I still don’t fully understand it. But sometimes we don’t need to understand something, we just need to trust that we’re going in the right direction. If it feels right, you probably are.
So giving myself a moment to think, meditate, get rid of any negative energy and find my chakra balance is as important to me now as my next meal. It is nourishing, satisfying and necessary in surviving the day.
The seven essential chakras that I focus on are the crown, to understand . The third eye, to see. The throat, to speak. The heart, to love. The solar plexus, to do. The sacral, to feel. And the root, to be grounded.
We often find the answers that we look for deep within us. These can be the most important questions that challenge you daily. Why am I doing this? What is my purpose? Am I worthy?
You have the answers, but you need to stop for a moment to find them. Just by closing your eyes in a quiet space can help you to come up with answers, but to truly find peace with these answers then I would recommend meditation or a form of energy balancing. This will really speak to our soul.
What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
Do you ever give your soul a chance to provide any answers, or do you just keep asking the questions?
We get bogged down by the details sometimes. We forget to actually do, because we’re wrapped up in the how.
A how is only important if you’re actively doing in the first place. And then you start finding how to do it.
The 13th century poet Rumi said, “As you start to walk along the way, the way appears.”
In other words don’t dither, just do.
By all means have a plan. Have a plan B. But the more you sit on the finer details, the more it is less likely to happen. So sometimes, as Rumi alludes to, it is only once you are on your path will the journey start to become clearer.
Perhaps I told people too early about our relocation to Portugal. It means that what I told people 4 months ago is completely different today. Yes, the way is Portugal, but the plan has changed daily. I’m sure anybody asking me about it is wishing that they hadn’t bothered!
From selling our house, budgets, liaising with UK and Portuguese solicitors and consulates, renting or buying in Portugal, where exactly in Portugal we will settle, the business plan, the kids schooling and when we will actually buy our one way ticket is still keeping this journey a mystery. But there’s one certainty and that is that it will happen. We know that because we are walking along the way.
The way has obstacles. It isn’t easy. But if anything is worth getting, then it has to be with full commitment, belief and a great deal of bloody stubbornness.
We’re learning along the way and we will make mistakes. But mistakes, and the unforeseen circumstances beyond our control, are what mold us into grittier and more determined people. We cannot get lost in our pain, because one day the pain will become the cure.
Think about something that you are passionate about doing. It doesn’t have to be anything at all like mine. This is your passion. Now visualize it. Live it for a few moments. What do you see? How does this passion that you have imagined as your reality make you feel? Can you see yourself smiling, laughing, dancing as a confident happy person?
Because that’s what following your passions should be like. Living your life how you want to live it should make you feel fulfilled. Don’t be afraid to find your happiness. You just need to start to walk along the way.
Having spent the past two weeks with kids obsessed with football at a multi sports camp and having two footy mad kids myself, the question “Who is better, Messi Or Ronaldo?” Is asked to me almost daily.
But this question isn’t just something that kids ask. People debating on the terraces, in the workplace, online and in pubs must be one of the most frequently asked questions in the footballing world for over ten years.
So, my answer is usually pretty boring to most people.
The problem with finding the answer here is that we are talking about two of the most gifted footballers to ever play the game. They both have different strengths to each other but they are considered some of the greatest ever because even their weaknesses are pretty strong.
But these footballers are once in a generation freaks who are exceptionally gifted. They are so good that players such as Neymar, Modric, Salah, Mbappe and Haarland simply get overlooked as the best in the world because, even though Messi is in his later years as a footballer, is still winning some of the greatest trophies in world football.
Kids score a goal and instantly celebrate with Ronaldo’s ‘Suuuuiii’ celebration. They are more than great footballers. They are icons. Kids want to be just like them. And when I watch some adults play football in the local park, I suspect they do too.
And whilst this enthusiasm for mimicking heroes is all good fun, I can see an issue with how we view ourselves and how it can affect our own expectations of our own abilities.
I’ll take you back to when I first started going to the gym. I would see the most physically imposing guy in there and want to look like him. He was the gym GOAT (greatest of all time). I would watch how he trained. I would notice the protein shakes he was drinking.
Yet all I was managing to do is raise the bar to a height that might have been way too high for me, my genetics, my lifestyle and crucially my health and physical development.
I didn’t need to be anybody else or aspire to anyone else’s goals. Sure, I can always ask questions and get training tips, but trying to become the same size as Triple H was a poor start to my gym journey. It can be demoralising and, for many people, ends in quitting the gym altogether.
My son Jonas is a terrific footballer for his age. As an under 9’s player he is currently playing in an under 10’s league and looks comfortable. But I do try to keep his feet on the ground. He watches lots of football on YouTube. Rather than watching video after video of Ronaldo and Messi, I would much rather he watched the leadership of Jordan Henderson on TV or even go to the local stadium of Scarborough Athletic and aspire to have the passion of their team captain Michael Coulson.
SMART
When you are wanting to create your fitness goals I would recommend the SMART approach. This stands for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time. And I’m going to look at the achievable bit for this article.
As I have stated above, I believe that many of us raise our bar to unrealistic levels and if we were to lower it then we would get to where we want to be much easier. It doesn’t mean that we can’t be brilliant at what we do, in fact, if we can look at our achievable goals realistically, then there’s a much greater chance of being brilliant at what we do.
Firstly, you need to recognise your competition. The only competition is YOU. Nobody else. You want to achieve just as much, if not better, than yesterday’s you. This could be by maintaining your physical activities from week to week, looking to achieve an extra mile on the treadmill, putting an extra couple of kilos on the bar, aiming for higher reps or keeping a stable nutritional diet. It doesn’t matter what Hulk is lifting on the platform. It’s your journey, not theirs.
A few years ago I trained a very active 50 year old lady who wanted to gain muscle hypertrophy. As time progressed and her personal bests were increasing she began to show me pictures of Karissa Pearce, who is a CrossFit athlete. My client wanted her physique. I had to attempt to manage my clients expectations. It wasn’t that she didn’t work hard enough in the gym but it didn’t meet the criteria for her achievable goals. Karissa Pearce was a professional athlete in her mid 20’s who was able to train full time and stuck to an incredibly tight diet to get the physique that she had (and still does). My client, despite her levels of enthusiasm and spirit, did not live the same lifestyle and I would not have been doing my job correctly if I enabled unrealistic goals.
The saying goes “Reach for the moon and you’ll land among the stars”. But it can only refer to your moon and your stars. Not Messi or Ronaldo’s, Triple H or Karissa Pearce’s moon or stars. They have their journey, you have yours.
So many young people give up on their dreams because they could not interpret that dream into reality. And adults do it too, until we become a society of people giving up because we couldn’t manage our expectations.
A child should be able to dream about becoming a World Cup winning footballer, but the reality based on statistics in the UK is that a talented kid at football who manages to be invited to an academy has less than 1% chance of making it to becoming a professional at ANY level. However, that shouldn’t burst a kids bubble. If they aren’t one of the lucky ones to make the professional level, then it is worth noting that there are over 5,000 football teams in non-League divisions. This is an excellent standard to reach which is often paid (depending on the league and the club). Just because you don’t have Ronaldo’s career, it doesn’t mean you are rubbish at football.
As a kid I would dream about playing for Liverpool FC and, although I don’t earn the weekly wage of Mo Salah, I did follow my ‘sporty’ dream eventually by becoming a Personal Trainer and I currently coach sports to children. And so we should dream, as long as you manage the reality.
I encourage my own kids to dream about their goals. But, just to give you an example of the sort of stuff they aspire to achieve, it involves mansions, high performance cars, professional football, becoming a YouTuber with millions of followers and traveling to the moon. These are all great ideas, but I also want them to realise that just having a home is winning at life too. Affording any car is a luxury. Having your health and talent to play at any level of football is amazing. Having real friends that appreciate you is special and just being able to see the moon is a blessing.
Reflecting on my own fitness journey, i now understand that my achievable goals are to be able to run and lift as well today as I was doing ten years ago. It’s to fit into the same size jeans as last year. It’s to meet new and interesting people. It’s to keep a positive mindset and feel good about myself. If I continue what I’m doing then I have a good chance in achieving this.
Please, keep dreaming. Aspire in doing whatever you want in life. It really does keep the fire in the belly burning. But when it is time to form your plan of action in your life, be SMART.
A very interesting piece of information struck me the other night. Sometimes, actually getting 10 minutes peace and allowing our mind to focus on something other than the daily grind is extremely difficult. Meditating or visualising positive outcomes is not always an easy thing to do especially with a busy lifestyle or a generally anxious mind.
When somebody approaches me and tells me about their anxieties I will often recommend meditation, but their response is mixed. It appeals to many people but there are also those who will say to me that they have tried but find it very difficult, even with a meditation guide such as myself.
And recently I have noticed my eldest son wanting to choose his own theme when it comes to meditation. For those of you who have read my blogs for some time you might remember me telling you that he has suffered with anxieties in the past which could have been caused by previous lockdowns. And I think this might be fairly common for many other children too. For our children, we decided to try short meditations with them during their night time routine which went really well.
However, just in the past couple of nights he has been requesting his own different scenarios in which he can enter during his meditations. This made me think. A beach setting, walking through a meadow, floating on a cloud or just visualising sitting in a favourite quiet place might seem like the perfect destination for a meditation, but if it isn’t where you want to be in that moment, then it won’t be as effective. Why can’t we become a superhero for the night? Why can’t we play the part of the pebble as the waves of the sea ebb in and out? Why can’t we be the rain drop that descends through the atmosphere? You can be.
For many of us, it’s a stretch of the imagination, but with a guided meditation together we might be able to unlock the potential in your mind and, as I have recently discovered, if the meditation guide knows exactly what a person would like to discover then it becomes a much more personalized experience. A kind of bespoke meditation designed specifically for that one person. Nobody else’s. It’s just their experience.
So, although completely in the early stages of development, I aim to provide this new service to those who wish to try it out.
And if it’s anything like the past two evenings for my children then this bespoke approach to meditation might be the key to releasing other children’s anxieties too. It’s like choosing your own adventure where only good things happen in your own safe space, being the character that you want to be, being satisfied with the ending and waiting for the next episode with imagination, enthusiasm, excitement and calm.
The channel on YouTube will be called Tranquil Youth Meditation. Click the link to discover more about it!
As my son and I walked away from his opportunity to do football training with the older kids the other day I noticed that the anxiety had overcome him. The coach was fantastic, he tried to encourage him to join in. The kids are a good bunch, they would have welcomed my son. But the occasion got too much for him. He just couldn’t do it.
It isn’t the first time. At an open trial event at Leeds United, a similar thing happened. And there’s been lots of scenarios where he has not joined in with something because of this. He gets anxious and I get that. My first ever fitness class in front of 30 experienced class attendees was a disaster because I could hardly get my words out or move my feet. Not a good start for a coach trying to lead the class!
Being good at something and even excelling to become successful at it requires much more than skill and intelligence. My son has this at football in abundance. His ‘football brain’ is excellent for a 9 year old. He has an instinctive mind of knowing what to do in certain situations of a game that is unusual to have at his age. But it’s no use if he can’t walk onto the pitch to showcase this ability. This is a different skill entirely.
Turning anxiety into excitement is an art.
American author Simon Sinek has spoken about the Nerves Vs Excitement situation. During the Olympics he observed that the interviewers would ask the athlete if they were nervous about their upcoming event. Almost in every reply, the athlete said that they felt excited. An elite athlete who has reached the peak of competing at the Olympics won’t get nervous. Despite their talents, had the nerves gotten the better of them then they surely wouldn’t have made the cut to represent their country at the Olympics in the first place.
We could define being nervous as having sweaty palms, a faster heart beat and a future cognitive thought process whereby our minds come up with negative outcomes such as tripping up, losing or getting injured.
And yet excitement could be defined in a very similar way. Sweaty palms, a faster heart beat and, as for the future cognition, this would be our minds coming up with positive outcomes such as winning a gold medal, breaking a personal best and celebrating.
But the interviewers are actually commenting on their emotions. It is them who would feel anxious. They’re not the elite athlete.
And this can be seen in many other, non-sporting contexts. The Great British Bake off contestants will talk of being nervous about baking a cake. Mary Berry would feel excited. She is an expert and the contestants are amateur bakers.
So these elite athletes and Mary Berry have one thing in common and that is the fact that they have practiced their craft a million times before. And during this time there will have been some disastrous events and many soggy bottoms, but they kept on going. Practicing and perfecting their skill until it wasn’t daunting to them in any way, just exciting.
I could only get over my fears as a class fitness instructor by going back to the class each week and training my emotions to get better at it. I knew that I could lead a class, but I had to keep repeating it several times to lose the nerves.
And I know that, had my son trained with the older kids the other day, then he would have been a little bit more prepared for the next week. And the week after. And the week after that. Until a time would come where he felt nothing but excitement to train with them.
One way in which I worked with my initial anxiety about my first few classes was to announce to the participants that I was nervous. I even tried to laugh and make a joke of it. This broke down any barriers that were there between me and the class participants. I became one of them. After all, there are plenty of gym goers who are extremely anxious about stepping into a gym. Them knowing that I was nervous too, seemed to put us all at ease. We could work through it together. I am now about to stand in front of a class full of people whether it be two people or two hundred! The adrenaline would be there, but it would be excitement and not nerves.
We don’t need to be elite athletes to transfer anxiety into excitement, but we do need to keep turning up. Start by thinking about what could go right instead of what could go wrong. Sure, such as life, things won’t always go as you would like, but if you can be at peace with that in mind then the rewards are massive.
Just remember, we can all be guilty of a soggy bottom before we create a masterpiece.
“If you are not willing to learn, no one can help you. If you are determined to learn, no one can stop you.” Zig Ziglar.
The boy in class who chatted to friends, didn’t listen to his teacher and rarely handed in his homework somehow, once again, got 100% in his maths test.
How does he do it? I thought as another bit of my confidence and self esteem left my 14 year old self. I DID try. I enjoyed trying to learn. The problem is I found facts and figures hard to retain.
As an adult I’m fairly clued up and, although you guys reading this could pick my blogs to shreds I’m sure, I have a decent understanding of Mathematics, English, Geography, History and all of the other mandatory school subjects. I like to think that I’d get a decent cash builder and give a Chaser a run for their money too! But what might come easily to some, without seeming to put in the hard graft, I need to understand it, re-read it and try and remember it before it sinks in. There’s a knack to it. I’m still learning the knack.
One thing that I did excel in, however, later became my career. I’m good at dealing with people. Emotions, conversation, body language and the ability to read a situation is important for a Personal Trainer. Add to that my passion for sport, physical exercise and training I was made for PT. Of course, passing my Anatomy and Physiology coursework was as testing as I remember my homework at school. I had to work extra hard to remember muscle groups, facts etc to really nail my exam. I passed it, but even now I revisit this as I understand that learning doesn’t ever have a final point. It’s a journey that continues.
And because I have the knowledge with the ability to guide myself and others through the minefield of the health and fitness industry, I feel that I’m worth paying for. Sometimes, we need to invest in someone to help us achieve a goal.
I know that my new subject is one that will probably require me to pay for further education if I am to become good at it. I’m learning Portuguese.
I’ve been using a free app and it will enable me to order food at a restaurant and exchange pleasantries. This was tested last week on my visit to Portugal. But if I am to live there, work there and fully integrate myself into their country and culture, I need to be able to communicate with Portuguese people to a higher standard than a free app will let me. I am learning words, yes, but applying these words to create structured sentences with the correct syntax is vital to acquiring a new language.
Of course, the locals were forgiving when I visited. They appreciated my efforts. And it annoys me when a visitor to a foreign country makes no effort at all to say a word or two in the native tongue of the country. I at least know ‘thankyou’ in about 10 different languages because I looked it up before visiting that country. Although, again, my brain keeps getting a little confused which makes me say ‘thankyou’ in Bulgarian when I’m actually in Portugal. My defense is that they sound similar and I’m sticking to it!
The similarities to how I approach my fitness training regime and learning a new language are closer than you’d think. I need a ‘why’. Why do I train? Ok that’s easy. I want to remain as active for my kids and grandkids as possible and be independent for as long as I can in older age. And why do I want to learn Portuguese? Language was created as a survival method between different tribes and communities. I want to survive and thrive in a new country to really make the move work. It just has to be done.
Essentially, they both have to be done to survive. Also, they take roughly the same amount of time per day. About an hour of training and an hour of learning. And they both enable me to become a more rounded person.
When it comes to my ‘why’, I’ll be willing to do what it takes to stay on target with my goals. I just need to keep developing the knack.
Never Give Up PT 