Tag Archives: reflection

The Penalty Kick

I remember taking a penalty kick for my school football team and the pressure was unreal. A few parents and a man and his dog stood on the touchline as I put the ball on the penalty spot. The weight of the team’s expectations felt heavy on my shoulders. I missed. I wasn’t a natural goalscorer, but I tried.

Other moments of notable sporting anxiety was when I did my first ever ‘fat loss’ class as an instructor at the gym. 30 people stood waiting for my instructions as I waited for the music to kick in. For all of my knowledge and everything I had learnt in instructing a fitness class, I could hardly remember any exercise except for a squat. Nerves are great, it gives me that buzz, but sometimes if they are out of control it doesn’t help for clear thinking.

I also recall my first day at coaching 20 kids on their summer sports activities. I wasn’t a natural like some of the other coaches, but I knew from experience of being a dad that if you demand respect and make something fun and act a bit silly, a bunch of kids will love whatever activity you do. In fact, come to think about it the adults in my exercise class were exactly the same. I wasn’t the coolest, fittest, leanest or strongest instructor, but it’s amazing how far a few dad jokes will get you with kids or adults. We all just want to smile at the end of the day and, whatever is going on at home outside of the gym or summer camp, we remember the moments that we smiled to get us through it.

As I was reflecting on my year so far I began to realise that I seem to excel when I start to feel the adrenaline. I’m at my happiest. It doesn’t always mean that I’ll be the best at something. The penalty kick and my first ever fitness class are examples of that. But had I not put myself forward for these things, or to put it another way, had I not been willing to come out of my comfort zone, then great things would not have followed.

I couldn’t have been a successful personal trainer without that first ever fitness class and I wouldn’t have enjoyed a few seasons at the kids summer sports camp without that awkward first day. Even the missed penalty showed that I was willing to stand up and be a leader. It didn’t do Stuart Pearce or Gareth Southgate any harm.

This year I’ve been interviewed for UK TV about my recent move to Portugal. It will be available to watch in January. You might see that I’m not a natural in front of the camera. And I’ve often been asked about what motivated me to apply to be filmed during such a massive move for me and my family. They don’t pay us for making the show, so it wasn’t money. And the days that they are here can be time consuming as we set up the microphones for interviews. So why do it?! Well, it’s the adrenaline thing again. I work best under pressure. I’m happy to be filmed being challenged with budget difficulties, language barriers and building works. I have to step up and take that penalty again or enter that fitness studio for the first time. It can only improve my character.

Years ago I was talking to a friend who was having difficulty finding employment. He was a hard worker and desperate for work. He told me that he had had many interviews but never got accepted. The main reason for this is that he would clam up and be extremely shy in the interview. I know that he was shy and he found it difficult to hide. Even talking to friends he would sometimes go very red in the face.

My advice to him was to let the interviewers know as soon as you sit down. Explain that, ‘I am very nervous today so please forgive me. I’ll take a deep breath and do my best.’

This will put you and the interviewers at ease and it will also show self awareness, honesty and determination to get past it. He got his next job that he applied for.

Being honest with yourself and those around you is important. If you can enter difficult situations with transparency then the confidence will grow and important skills can be had. But without that first honest step out of your comfort zone then you are not allowing yourself to grow.

Actress Jessica Williams said,”Get more confidence by doing things that excite and frighten you.”

Even if it means taking the penalty kick.

Plonker

The filming for A New Life In The Sun has ended for this week. It’s a relief. The intensity of managing the final stages of phase one of the project (the AL house) and the forest cleaning in 35° heat while being filmed becomes a little too much.

And there’s only so many ways I can say ‘Wow! This looks great!’ when the camera person asks me what I think of the taps as I turn them on and off or what I think of the lid for the septic tank.

Sometimes, I go for the ‘just walked into the room to see the work of the DIY SOS team’ look.  This means waving at my eyes to dry the tears as I tell the camera how thrilled I am with the splashback tiles.

The occasional Nicolas Cage from Face/Off  look comes out when I have to describe how pleased I am with the skylight while paying the 500euros to the man who delivered it.

And then there are days where I forget to ‘be myself’ in front of the camera as I go around the property like Del Boy, trying to raise a laugh or be the clown. “What do you think of the grouting, Shay?” The camera person asks. “Luvvly Jubbly!” I reply. “Mange Tout, mange tout!”

As I reflect on my day, sometimes I just think to myself ”What a bleedin’ plonker I am”.

The Week That Was

As Zak, the camera man, mic’d me up and briefed Lou and I on the sort of questions he would ask once the camera started rolling, a million answers whizzed through my head.

I had prepared for this moment, after all I was a dedicated viewer of A New Life In The Sun after watching each series multiple times. I knew the sort of footage they were wanting.

And then the red light appeared on the camera as he asked, “So, why did you move to Portugal?”

“……………” The moments after that were a blur. Seconds felt like hours as I tried to find a word or two. I looked at Lou as she eventually began to answer.

My big TV moment flashed before my eyes as I nodded and agreed with Lou’s reply to the question.

I had answers to his question. Quality of life. New adventure. It’s a beautiful country. Good food. Sun. Brexit. Business opportunity. The answers were there! But not in that moment.

I did, however, pull myself together to film what was 9 hours of potential footage for the programme. By the end of the day It felt more natural. He will be filming until September by which time I fully expect that I’ll be such a professional in front of the screen I’ll be demanding 138 green seedless grapes and my fan letters to be left in my room each day.

But there’s important stuff to do. As much as the filming seems like it will be an enjoyable experience and the exposure for our business will be great once the show is aired, there’s 20,000 square metres of land to sort out. This includes three forests, two houses, multiple out buildings including a pig pen, chicken coup and other storage units.

It’s the forests that kept me awake last night though. Unkept, these can be dangerous when the really hot weather comes. Wild fires are frequent in the Portuguese countryside and can have devastating effects. I’ve already downloaded an app that tells me when a fire is reported and by how many of the bombeiros (fire department) are dealing with it.

By the end of April, landowners are legally required to have their land prepared for the summer. The government threatens fines of up to 10,000 euros for those who do not comply with the ‘land cleaning’ rules. Luckily, the local community is very helpful and knowledgeable at dealing with this issue and are wanting to offer their time and equipment to sort out the land for their new ‘estranheiro’ neighbours. After all, it benefits them too. They don’t need a city slicker from England like me causing any wildfires in the village!

The past week has seen lots of development on the cottage house. This will be rented out and with finances dwindling the finished article can’t come soon enough. If we can open for the summer season then that will be a welcome boost for our funds to be then able to continue the work on my gym studio, Lou’s therapy room and bar/patio area.

Zak, the camera man, will be back on Monday and Tuesday to follow us working on it all again. Hopefully I can hold it together and answer simple questions this time.

But for now I’ll leave you with a few more updated pics from the week that was.

Massage room and bar/patio area with the gym studio in the distance.
Builders taking down a water tank from the roof of where our bathroom currently is.
Without the unsightly water tank and with a lick of paint.
A new concrete floor laid in the rental cottage.
The first floor window is getting prepared for a door with a Juliette balcony.

Thoughts On Today…

A weird day today. The rain has not stopped here in Sertá so our plans on painting our house and doing out-doorsy type stuff were postponed. And we don’t have internet at the house yet either, so I’ve been starved of the BBC football news feed all day. And the rotten luck is that when I did get a moment with the WIFI thingy in a cafe the footy headline was that Thiago was injured. That’s not news. Him being available for the weekend would be news.

Anyway, we drove to a cafe not for me to faff on with the BBC Sports page but to get reception to have a phone call with a producer from A New Life In The Sun.

We heard yesterday that our builder is ready to begin work on the second house (to be turned into a holiday rental) on Monday. This was music to ours, the bank manager’s and the production team of A New Life In The Sun’s ears. After all, we need an income, our bank manager is concerned about our dwindling finances and A New Life are wanting to begin filming the mugs who are about to have a breakdown on TV. Everyone wins.

The producer told us that they would send a camera team next Saturday. Exciting stuff! Let’s hope the weather improves. A New Life In The Pissing Rain doesn’t have the same ring to it.

The kids have been great again. They’re coping really well with so many changes. Finlay keeps getting letters with love hearts on them from a girl in his class. He has no idea what she is saying to him, but it’s sweet.

We bought a raclette today. It’s our only cooking device at the moment so I had a square egg sandwich. I’m sure there are many things that can be cooked on a raclette, but if you add ketchup and a slice of cheese to the bread bun and egg you get an egg mcmuffin. We’ll become cultured another day.

Lou and I are playing Solitaire this evening. We will eventually erect a darts board in the courtyard when the rain stops as that is a game we love to play. But for now I’ll have to keep beating her at cards and Scrabble (I hope she doesn’t read my blogs).

But for now, I’ll say ta’ra and spend the rest of the evening saying ‘erect’ over and over in Maranda Hart’s voice.

“Erect.”

Barley And Me

I like Christmas. Well, I don’t mind it. The enthusiasm has come back a bit since becoming a dad. But every year when December hits and I hear the first dulcet tones of another festive Bublé effort, I strap myself in for the month ahead and hope I don’t lose my mind.

The week between Christmas and the new year hits me the hardest. It doesn’t even have a name. It’s just known as ‘the week between Christmas and New year.’

“Oh, Shay, when shall we have a catch up?”

“I dunno, should I just contact you the week between Christmas and New year?”

It’s like purgatory.

The day after boxing day is when we restock the alcohol, which is incredible really, seeing as we seem to buy the whole stock of a Wetherspoons pub on Christmas eve. This is a Christmas eve tradition as we always believe that the supermarkets are closed forever after Christmas eve when, in fact, they reopen on boxing day.

I need a stiff drink to get over another play of ‘Santa Baby’, so leading up to Christmas is when I start to drink stuff that I wouldn’t think of drinking at any other time of year. Brandy and Irish cream goes in my coffee. Whisky and dry. Jack Daniels. Snowball. I mean, WTF even is that?!

The week between Christmas and new year takes a similar path. We also discovered that many of the locals in rural Portugal have basements dedicated to brewing their own wine. So by the time Antonio had given me his last drop of rocket fuel on new year’s day I was ready to have some time away from alcohol.

A week has passed and I am still in no way ready to drink anything alcoholic.

But there is usually a strange excuse for me to have a little tipple. A birthday, a weekend, a birth or the sunshine. And I sometimes commiserate with a drink too. All it takes is for a soppy movie about a dying dog and out comes the crate of Sagres.

But, for now, it is a dry January. After all, I’m making up for a very wet December.

For now, amigos, take care!

One Last Time

For one last time in a Scarborough Athletic FC shirt…

We would all like to see…

Their under 9’s number 6…

Bring the Corus Cup home.

Last year’s Corus Cup was eventful and it ended up with Jonas lifting a football trophy for the very first time. Next week will see him play his very last game for Scarborough Athletic FC and I hope I can post a picture similar to the one above.

The Deranged Clown

When I first started out as a PT I had absolutely no idea how I would execute my business. I wanted to be full time, that I was sure of. There are many PTs who go into PT as a side job to subsidise a full time income or as a hobby. But I wanted to jump straight in and give my clients my full attention. And from day one I encouraged my clients to call or message me at any time if they needed me. I never saw my one hour session a week as an ‘hourly rate’. It was more of a package. I was their PT 24/7, not just for that hour in the gym.

And I did get the odd midnight phone call and the messaging back and forth at unsociable hours, but that’s what I wanted. If that’s what my client needed at that time, then that’s what I wanted.

Your job doesn’t stop when you leave the gym. In fact, if you are developing training plans, replying back to messages and working on building your business, then the hard work starts after your sessions. I learnt that the hard way after a couple of years. Clients dropped off, I had no other income. I needed to become much more business savvy as a PT. I needed to be better at client retention. If times of the year were difficult to get new clients such as the summer, then I had to take good care of the ones that I had if I were to keep them.

If you go straight into a commercial gym after PT school, you’ll need to earn your credibility and stand out among the other PTs.

There were 14 other PTs at my first gym in Leeds. Although it was a busy gym it was difficult to get new clients because of this. I had to find a niche. Something that could make me stand out. What stood out was accidental to begin with, but then I made it a trademark…

To mask my nerves during my first few fitness classes, I became overly enthusiastic in my routines. I would bounce about, run around the studio, shout what would become familiar catchphrases and wouldn’t stop until the participants (and myself) were laid out on the floor in a pool of sweat. But I added comedy value too. I didn’t take myself seriously. I told crap jokes and had fun with it.

What started out as anxiety and adrenaline became a successful character in the gym. Most of my 1-1 clients started from doing fitness classes with me because they ‘wanted someone who would push them’ and ‘who had fun and energy’.

Don’t forget, I was trying to earn my stripes against PTs who were more experienced, were younger, were athletes, models and bodybuilders in their spare time. I was a 30 something year old, balding dad of two. I looked physically fit but I also looked ‘normal’. Along with acting like a deranged clown in my classes, I became appealing to a certain demographic.

I left a busy commercial gym near the centre of a major city in England to a much quieter gym just outside a seaside town. I knew early on that my style of fitness class wouldn’t catch on. The Deranged Clown would not fit in here. There was no way I could recreate the ‘theatre’ of my previous gym. And so I had to change direction. The jokes stayed, that’s just my personality , but I had to tone down the act.

Due to the closure of gyms during the pandemic, I will never truly know if my new direction worked. Gyms, PTs and how we approach fitness in general had to reinvent itself after lockdown. Not just me. But, although my enthusiasm for coaching has never waned, my enthusiasm for reinvention has. Perhaps lockdown was a final straw for me regarding commercial gyms.

And now my future still involves PT and coaching, but it will be very different again and it won’t be my only source of income. In fact I’ll have to wear many different caps if I am to pull off my next venture successfully.

My biggest piece of advice to a new PT trying to make it in a commercial gym would be to find your niche. If you enjoy calisthenics then talk about it to everyone who comes through the door. Or if training for marathons or tough mudder events is your thing, make sure that everyone knows that you’re the go to trainer for them. Be yourself. Yes, I am a deranged clown. I find it difficult to be serious and I find humour in most things. It wasn’t actually an act. Only yesterday I was on a field with 40 six year old kids teaching them how to Gangnam Style. I didn’t care what the other coaches or parents thought I was doing. The kids loved it!

And my other bit of advice is to realise that you won’t be able to stay in the comfort zone of a commercial gym forever. Not to make it a decent income long term anyway. Whether you set your own studio up, go online, coach children in schools or move to Portugal and set up a glamping site with an assault course, you will need to evolve eventually.

Yours faithfully,

The Deranged Clown.

The Birthday Party, Camping In The Garden, A Wedding Anniversary, Oh…And A Broken Chain.

Apologies for not being present on my blog site for a week or two. I do keep a check on comments and such from my readers but I simply haven’t found the time to write.

As the title suggests, it’s been a busy period with many great events such as my youngest turning seven. This included pizza and cake on his actual birthday and then a bowling party with lots of fried party food a couple of days later.

And then my wife and I celebrated our wedding anniversary of 14 years. We seem to grow stronger as we continue our journey together and, along with our two boys, we make a great team. Just as well then, seeing as this current journey has the ability to hit a bit of turbulence. But I’ll get to that shortly.

To celebrate our anniversary and knowing that we wouldn’t be getting any childcare to have our own grown up celebration, we decided to put the big three bedroom tent up in our garden for an adventure. The kids loved it as we ate yet more pizza and kebab in the tent from the takeaway, told eerie camping stories and then slept in it through the night. My wife and I managed a bottle of fizz (or two) as the kids got to sleep first.

So the last couple of weeks have been eventful and, although there have been lots of celebratory reasons to enjoy less nutritional food and drink, there has also been an element of comfort eating. This brings me back to the turbulence.

Regular readers will know that we accepted an offer on our house in the UK and are set to leave for Portugal in the coming months. However, a few days ago we found out that the buyers of a house further down the sale chain had pulled out of their deal. The buyers of our house remain in a good position to still purchase our house though so we are hoping that the chain can be ‘repaired’ quickly and we can continue without too much time lost.

But the stress and anxiety of the waiting and chasing up phone calls to estate agents and solicitors has been telling. We’re also awaiting further news of our VISA application.

And I must admit. I have taken my eye off of my usual nutritious diet and allowed more processed foods in. Not having the motivation to prepare big meals or the inclination to choose a healthy snack over the smokey bacon crisps (I don’t even like smokey bacon crisps) has been apparent in my recent mood.

This would have added further anxiety to my life before I began studying for my Personal Training qualifications and understanding how we behave the way we do and how we react to certain events in our lives. Losing track of my discipline would have made me believe that I was failing in some way.

I used to look at myself in the mirror after a workout and feel like Jason Statham. I’d leave the gym feeling good about myself. But if I looked at myself after eating a bag of crisps I would feel disappointed and useless.

But now? I reflect almost daily on what I can improve on in my life. I ask myself, did I really need those crisps? How did my workout make me feel? Did I treat my wife and kids with the love and respect they deserve today? What one thing could improve my wellbeing tomorrow? If I answer honestly, I usually find a solution in which I can begin to map out a better pathway. It all becomes a little clearer.

I can always do better, but if I call my recent over reliance on certain foods a failure then I am missing out on a massive opportunity to learn. Mistakes, blips or regrets are simply tools to teach ourselves something different.

I’ll eat crisps again, for sure, even smokey bacon. But from tomorrow, it’ll be back on my terms. It won’t be for comfort or for convenience.

Next week will undoubtedly be another eventful one. One which will be entered with plenty of optimism. One without turbulence. One with positive results.

One with lots of spinach smoothies.

Not If, But When

I like to think that I have a group of motivated and enthusiastic trainees who are focussed on their goals. At the moment there seems to be a buzz of excitement in what we are achieving, but it comes with a big red flashing light of caution.

As early as the consultation stage I like to prepare my future clients for the reality. Yes, they will succeed. They can reach their goals. But only if they become comfortable with the knowledge that it will be a case of not if, but when they have to face the feelings of failure.

Failure comes in many different guises. To some it’s a disappointing week with nutrition. To others it could be not seeing the results as quickly as they expected. It could be that they feel that they haven’t dedicated enough time to the gym or their weekend binge has set their progress back.

Even in elite sport the athletes will face failure. Djokovic might win Wimbledon, but he will drop sets. City might win the league, but they will lose games. A boxer might win the fight, but it doesn’t come without a few blows along the way. Real Madrid lost a whopping four times during their Champions League campaign in 2022 and yet went on to win the final. Being a Liverpool supporter I know that stat all too well!

The above sports people are trained to deal with the highs and lows of sport and competition. And let’s not hide away from the fact that your goals are a competition. If you set any type of target or goal, you begin to compete against yourself. Today, you compete against the yesterday’s you. Find that mindset and you make a big step towards your success. Acknowledge that sometimes the yesterday’s you will defeat you, then that’s an even bigger step.

But if you allow yourself to get bogged down on the low days then your journey will be so much more difficult. For many people it becomes too much and they give up.

The low days are the ones that you can look back on and embrace. These are the days when you learned something about yourself and you responded. It becomes an education. And in many ways you learn more on these days than you ever will on your good days.

Giving up on your goals is like slashing your three other tyres because you got a flat.

Sometimes you will get a flat tyre. Acknowledge it, know what to do or who to ask when it does, fix it and move on.