progression – Page 6 – Never Give Up PT

Be Smart

It is totally understandable that a potential client tells me that their weight loss goal is (in this example) 15kg. It is their responsibility to tell me their ultimate goals.

But, in turn, it is also my responsibility as a PT to tell them that their immediate goal is to lose 1kg. It is my job to enable sensible (SMART) targets that are more achievable to them.

Specific to the client’s goals. Tracked to ensure Measurable outcomes. Attainable and realistic. Relevant fitness levels and lifestyle and setting a Time for each milestone.

It is said that 1kg of weight per week is a healthy amount to lose. Therefore, potentially one could lose 15kg in 15 weeks. However, focussing on the bigger numbers becomes a much more daunting prospect than focussing on the very first number. Weight loss is psychological.

What do I achieve from telling people “calories in/calories out”? This is just touching base with the facts. But ultimately it needs a psychological shift for it to become a success. Certain lifestyle changes need to happen. And a lifestyle can’t be changed in a week, but a 1kg weight loss can. Before we know it, week by week, positive lifestyle affirmations take place without any pain, restrictions or resentment and we get to 15 weeks. I allow for wiggle room. 2kg either way. We get a lifestyle change and a successful weight loss programme.

The picture below is of a bride to be who wanted to lose weight before her big day. We had 6 months to achieve her goal. Instead of thinking of a weight that she wanted to lose I asked her to improve her strength, stamina, posture and technique in the gym. I gave her little tweaks to her diet so her choices were healthier but she could still enjoy seeing her friends for an evening without feeling restricted on what she could eat and drink. She became more confident each week as she developed a routine around her busy home and work life and pretty much forgot about the numbers. She knew that she felt great and was getting stronger both physically and mentally. It became more than just numbers on a scale. As she walked down the aisle nobody would see a number. Just a strong, confident woman. I took care of the numbers so she didn’t have to.

She deserved more than to be a number and just giving numbers as targets would not do her or her big event justice and nor would it provide a lifestyle change that would promote adherence beyond that. Numbers provide analytics and statistics whilst action provides change. Saying that you would like to lose 2 and a half stone means nothing without a plan. I want a week in the south of France but it won’t happen without planning it.

The truth is that I have seen so many people lose weight only to put it back on. I suspect that they eventually reached a target with great willpower and motivation and that is credit to them. But willpower and motivation are fleeting emotions that last just weeks, days and sometimes only hours. Never rely on them. Emotions can become extremely strong and can work in your favour but are equally just as strong and potentially destructive. Emotional eating plays a huge part in weight gain. Exhaustion, loneliness, stress, depression are all factors is why we choose the comfort of food. Daily weigh ins are bound to add to your irrational emotional side.

The target I give to my clients of 1kg is meeting them half way. The scales are so ingrained in our culture that I don’t recommend cold turkey if they are not prepared to ditch them immediately. Perhaps one day they will like my client in the picture above, but I need to understand that it isn’t so easy for everyone. There is no point in me making demands that aren’t yet achievable to a client (SMART) so that is why I put the 1kg target in place. After all the weighing scales can be a tool in assessing progress for some people, albeit a small one.

So whatever weight loss goal you are targeting, make sure of that first 1kg and then you can start thinking about the next 1kg. Be SMART.

GABA

It’s pleasing to get the feedback from my client’s workout whether it be an online programme or in a 1-1 session. This morning was no exception. The message I received from a trainee 5 minutes after a 1-1 session was “that was much better than a bottle of wine”.

It’s great to know that my trainees are enjoying their workouts. After all, if we enjoy it we are more likely to create a consistent routine regarding our fitness and meet targets. And the science doesn’t lie when it comes to exercise. People enjoy the effects of it for a reason.

Even after 20 minutes of vigorous physical activity the brain releases a stress hormone called Gamma Aminobutyric Acid (GABA) which promotes relaxation, sleep and triggers seratonin production. The ‘feel good’ chemical dopamine is also released. Indeed, the comparison with wine is ironic in that alcohol will do the exact opposite and actually inhibits these chemicals from doing their job.

The physical benefits of exercise has been well documented since time began. But I believe that if we entered a fitness programme with our mental health as the priority then our physical needs would be met too. For example, other than a possible sarcoplasmic pump after resistance training, your body will not develope from just one workout. It needs several weeks, months and years to achieve muscle gains, better movement or sustainable fat loss along with balanced nutrition to accompany your goals. However, just 20 minutes of a fast walk, a run, a HIIT routine, spin class, jumping up and down or even sex can produce the chemicals and hormones in your brain that can make you feel calm, relaxed, happy and energised. Add these 20 minutes up and by the end of the week not only have you got a brain that is producing GABA at the rate of a Nestlé factory making chocolates but you are also enabling huge contributions towards your physical goals too.

And talking of chocolate. It’s main ingredients in dark chocolate especially is cocao which has large quantities of natural GABA. I don’t ban foods for my trainees. Together we will talk about their nutrition and find ways of improving things in keeping with their goals. I want happy trainees therefore chocolate stays in the menu! And GABA is also found in cruciferous veg such as broccoli and kale, so as long as there’s plenty of that on your plate then a bit of chocolate to sweeten the palate is not going to break your goals.

The bottom line is this… exercise can be the hardest thing to begin. You are tired and a workout is the last thing you want to do after a hard day at work or with the kids. Working out at home is a drag, you’re not motivated enough and a PT or the gym membership is too expensive. You can’t afford it. But when you look at the benefits of what it can do for you both physically and mentally, can you afford not to?

Shall We Pull The Big Sofa Out?

My wife and I are both self employed in jobs that require us to work all sorts of different hours from week to week. Sometimes I have a morning free or my wife does but very rarely is it at the same time. Whether it’s on our own or together we always manage to have a good old clean and tidy of the house whilst the kids are at school. Tidying up is difficult at weekends as no sooner have we picked up an odd sock here and a crisp packet there we look behind us again to find a whole new bundle of mess left behind by the kids. We get them to help out and are teaching them to clean up after themselves, but it’s a work in progress.

https://www.trainerize.me/profile/nevergiveup2/?planGUI

Today my wife and I had the opportunity to have a tidy up together. These are the most productive of tidying days. I have been known to to vac around a TV remote before. Under my wife’s watchful eye not only would the TV remote get picked up but it would get a polish too!

Starting in different rooms from each other we set about tidying, vacuuming, polishing and collecting a bag of stuff each to be taken to the charity shop all while shouting the answers out to each other on Ken Bruce’s Pop Master. I could have sworn that Irma Thomas was the first to record ‘Time Is In My Side’ but other than that I proved that I could get stuff done and be quite the Pop Master. I was multi tasking!

And it has to happen every now and again, every few months anyway, where we turn to each other and say, “Shall we pull the big sofa out?”

This is the ultimate deep clean day when this happens. The big sofa is where the kids watch movies, play computer games, snack, lounge about on duvet days and where they decide to change out of their football kits after playing on a muddy pitch. Oh yes, the day had arrived. The big sofa was getting pulled out to see what had managed to get kicked underneath it and spilled down the back of it.

We could’ve left it until another day. Our simple task of dusting and polishing while throwing a few Mick Jagger shapes to the radio could’ve been over but shit just got serious. I rolled my sleeves up and took a deep breath as my wife grabbed one end and me the other. The big sofa was getting pulled out. Slowly, as we pulled, little by little we began to see underneath. A few marbles covered in dust. Two ping pong balls. I wondered where they’d got to. And finally, with the big sofa in the middle of the room, we saw to the full extent our work for the remainder of the day.

Crisps, sweets, wrappers, random Lego bits, crayons, a colouring book, fluff balls, half eaten bread sticks, pens, pencils, a few scattered cards from the game Dobble, a jigsaw piece from a Star Wars puzzle which meant Kylo Ren’s face hadn’t been completed all year, there were chewed up pen lids, a wallet with nothing in it worst luck, a twig, a shell from the beach and an A4 sized drawing of Big Bird from Seseme Street (or Homer Simpson, I could never tell at the time) carefully drawn by my youngest. All with a coating of dust.

Once we had picked it all up, washed and put it all back in it’s rightful places we began to clean the skirting boards, vac and mop the floor. We sat on the big sofa, still situated in the middle of the room as we let the floor dry, and gave a satisfied nod to each other. The big sofa job had been done.

When I sit in a room in our house I like to see things in place. Tidy and clean. We’re not obsessive cleaners as my big sofa tale can confirm, but we like to live in a clean and tidy environment. I knew big sofa day was approaching. I couldn’t see it, but my brain was telling me that I’d best take a look.

Perhaps we all have a part of our house that can make you feel loads better once you’ve done a bit of sorting with it. The garage, loft, the fridge or freezer, the tops of the kitchen units, under the bed or back of the wardrobe. It’s not areas we see every day and, no matter how well we try to keep on top of stuff, there’s always an area that needs the ‘rolled up sleeves’ moment. We don’t always see it, but we know it’s there. And when it is done it can feel like quite an accomplishment.

My head told me that today was big sofa day and sometimes my head tells me it is actually my head that needs the deep clean. A moment where I can declutter the stuff that begins to collect worries in there. I find the best way to take this on is to tackle the small tasks first. Once I find a routine in dealing with the little things in life, the big things can be challenged much better. Like a game of Whack-a-Mole, I find a groove that I can work with.

Had I woken up this morning thinking about the big sofa I don’t think I would have got as much done, but because I started by polishing a remote control the big sofa job became easier. I created a momentum that enabled me to be productive to the point that the greater issue was just another job to complete.

My worries are like the stuff that get stuck under the sofa. They are there and I know they are there. I can watch a full episode of The Chase and take no notice of it at all because the missing jigsaw piece is swirling around in my cluttered mind. I know where it might be but to challenge it will uncover a whole host of other bits of crap to deal with. But I know that if I can make that first step and ‘pull the big sofa out’ not only will I be able to deal with the crap but there’s a real good chance I can find that missing jigsaw piece too.

And now my sitting room and my head, at least for now, are clutter free.

The Ironic Process

One of the reasons why formal diets turn to years of yo-yoing weight and frustration is because of the restrictions that we put upon ourselves. We ban Bananas because we read that they are high in sugar. We ban carbs. We ban fats. We try the next new fad diet because it is en vogue and the ‘expert’ wants you to buy his new diet book that is out for Christmas. It’s funny how this expert seems to bring out a new diet for us to try almost every year. If his other diets were so good then we wouldn’t need to change from his 5:2 diet, his Blood Sugar diet or his Fast 800 would we?

Anyway, in the long term, I am convinced that they are not sustainable and therefore are a fad to enable someone to make a whole heap of cash out of our diet culture.

When we begin to tell our brains not to do something, our brain wants to do it. That is not your failing willpower. It is not your lack of motivation to succeed in weight loss. It is how the human brain works. Yet you begin to hate yourself because you have ‘let yourself down’. But you haven’t.

Promise me now that you will not think of a Pink Elephant.

Have you thought of a Pink Elephant yet?

“Yes. But you deliberately put a picture of a pink elephant for me to see.” I hear you say.

When we open a magazine, go to the supermarket, watch TV, walk past billboards, go to a restaurant, sit on a bus or walk through the park you will also see all of the things that a poor restrictive diet will tell you not to eat. Burgers, ice cream vans, pizza adverts, cakes, rows of takeaway shops, takeaway menus through your letterbox and even the three most popular soap operas in the UK are based around the characters drinking in a pub. You can’t avoid the foods that you try to avoid from your life so I won’t let you avoid the pink elephant. And the more you try not to think about it the more it keeps entering your head. That is not you as an individual failing to comply with Dr Fad’s latest diet plan. That is the human brain.

I have worked with hundreds of fat loss clients who are amazed at my approach and how it has helped them. Do I expect hard work in the gym, home workouts and an active lifestyle? Absolutely I do! But I also give them freedom to eat food without guilt or restrictions. I aim to change the mindset of those I work with to enable them to enjoy and appreciate their food and still get their goals. We need to enjoy what we do. Exercise is not a punishment if you enjoy the exercises. Diets are not punishment if you enjoy the diet.

Fyodor Dostoevsky wrote…”Try to pose yourself this task, not to think of a polar bear and you will see that the cursed thing will come to mind every minute.”

In Psychology teaching it is known as the Ironic Process Theory. Restrictive dieting goes against every bit of research into human behaviours and leads to what we now have in the western world. Millions of people yo-yo dieting, living with obesity and type 2 diabetes and a health care system close to collapse with weight related health issues being cited as a major issue (NHS UK). Depression due to weight struggles is another factor in our society. And what do the experts do? The tabloids write headlines such as ‘avoid high sugar fruits such as Bananas’ and Dr Fad wants us to buy his new book this Christmas.

Let me be straight to the point here…Cassy from down the road never got obese from eating bananas, it was from listening to crap journalism and experts telling her that she is useless because she can’t stay away from eating a freaking banana in the first place. This lead to further frustration and depression and continues to binge eat because she has failed in sticking to a Daily Mail headline or Dr Fads crappy new book.

The Pink Elephant won’t go away. So are we going to acknowledge it and work with it or allow it to ruin your life?

Will The Real PT Please Stand Up?!

Kerching!!

Did you hear that? That’s the sound of another cheap gym selling cheap Personal Training.

I’m not surprised that, what was once a list of PT friends on my Facebook page, are now calling themselves Lifestyle Coaches, Personal Coaches, Health & Wellbeing Coaches and Holistic Wellness Coaches. Anything that avoids the term Personal Trainer.

From my experience the nationwide gyms are exhausting the term Personal Trainer, employing people ‘in training’ towards their qualifications and charging the gym member a small fee whilst paying their PT minimum wage. The experienced and savvy PT rarely charges by the hour, instead setting a price per week that includes session planning for the hour and other physical activities for their client throughout the week, messages and calls, nutritional guidances and (where necessary) emotional support. This means that their prices are higher than what the gym offers.

Sometimes I pop into the Poundshop to buy a dustpan and brush. Cheap and cheerful can be good! I’ll only be sweeping up guinea pig poo with it. It might not last too long, but hey, it’s a quid! But if I’m going to the gym because my doctor tells me I’m obese or because my sciatica is keeping me awake all night, cheap and cheerful isn’t good. Poundshop PT isn’t good.

It’s no wonder that many fitness professionals are staying clear from the PT tag.

It would be a very short PT session if I told someone how to lose weight. Eat less, move more is essentially what it entails. And I use weight loss as the example because around 80% of people who come to me have that goal. I’d gladly give that advice for free, I’d find a different career and the UK would be full of men with their shirts off in summer drizzling half a bottle of cooking oil on their six packs. But it’s much more complex than just eating less and moving more.

Even Sandra, who is shamed every week for not hitting her target at Weight Watchers knows this. Don’t you think she would be losing weight if it was so simple as eating less and moving more? She feels unsupported and frustrated going to an outdated dieting institution so she joins the gym and they offer her PT for £12 an hour. They sit her on an ab crunch machine and tell her to cut out every single bit of food that becomes comforting during her low times. The cycle continues.

Personal training should be the occasional call or message during the week asking how your client is. It should be giving advice on different ingredients and recipes to try. It should be about advice on how to schedule extra time for themselves away from the kids and work. It should be about creating accountability, setting achievable goals, producing consistent and relevant workouts, making exercise fun and being the one face in the gym your client can rely on.

Calling myself anything other than a Personal Trainer takes me away from the absolute joy of seeing a client accomplish their goal, whether it be a personal best or a longer term goal. Even online, when I get the bleep to inform me that another goal has been met I give a ‘yesss!’

It means a lot to my client so it means a lot to me.

I’ll never not be a Personal Trainer. So when I’m old and on my death bed put your ear to my mouth and you’ll hear my last breath be,”squats and deadlifts, squats and deadlifts”. And if you see Sandra, pass it on.

The Slippery Slope Fallacy

I’m very careful how I use the term ‘slippery slope’. Has anybody told you that it’s the start of a slippery slope just because you have done something that goes against their agenda. They are suggesting that just because you have done something against what is perceived to be the right path that this will become an unhealthy habit leading to the slippery slope. It is commonly known as The Slippery Road Fallacy.

An example would be an arguer suggesting that if we ban rifles this will lead to banning hand guns, and then cap guns, then water pistols and before we know it snowballs have been outlawed.

Another example of this is how many of us develop this anxiety around our own diets. You restrict or ban certain foods in an attempt to lose weight but when you deviate from this diet and eat a food outside of the ‘rules’ you are annoyed that you allowed yourself to do this and you feel like a failure. The self fulfilled prophetic nature takes over you and you believe that because you have deviated once that you will do it again…and again…and again.

You tell yourself that you will write today or this week off because you over ate anyway. You start to binge all of the foods outside of the rules of your diet. In the end you don’t even want to eat it, but you continue to do so anyway. It’s almost like self harm. You feel a release as you eat it but feel pain and depression afterwards. The cycle continues. You have entered the slippery slop fallacy.

Now imagine an alternative. There is no diet that will take us on the right path, but there’s no slippery slope either. There’s just a path. Your path.

As you walk down your path you discover that there’s a huge selection of foods to pick from. There’s lots of great tasting, nutritious foods here but you also see the foods that you thought were forbidden. A sin. The foods with added sugar, salt, fats and ultimately calories. Foods that the headlines tell you to ‘avoid if you want to lose weight’. But as you continue walking along your path here they are, harmlessly growing amongst the stuff we’re told that you should eat. Nothing is restricted.

You know that, on your way, the occasional bit of extra sugar or calories will not alter your path . It won’t lead you onto another direction nor one that becomes slippery. Your path stays the same. No up hill battles. No unknown detours. Your path remains constant.

Having tried so many different approaches to dieting myself including not eating anything at all for long periods, I know quite a lot about the psychological impact that food anxieties can bring.

I am beginning my Balanced Plate Challenge on my fitness app next month and I am determined to show as many people as possible that there is an alternative to feeling shame, disappointment, anxiety and depression around their diets. There’s a path that they build, that they walk down and with the foods that they enjoy.

There is no slippery slope unless you invent one.

In Case Of A Zombie Apocalypse

If I have to run from a zombie in the event of a zombie apocalypse, I now know that I have a good 12 minutes in me at an average pace of 10.8 km per hour. I think I can outrun a zombie, although it does depend on whether it would be an original George A Romero slow type or a zippy kind from the remakes. But with the cost of petrol at the moment I’ll take my chances on foot with either type of the undead. Like I say, I now know that I can outrun them.

This morning I did the Cooper Test. Something that I didn’t consider when I set up my Fitness App is that while I’m sat at home in my undies watching Corrie on an evening instructing everyone else to do these fitness tests that I would have to do them too. I really should have thought this through.

I’m joking of course. Well, half joking. I don’t jump out of bed on a morning thinking ‘how far can I run today?!’ Instead I jump out of bed thinking ‘what can I lift today?’

Most of my own training involves resistance. I firmly believe that to get the most out of your fitness journey you must do what you enjoy and what you are good at. For me, my motivation comes from a hypertrophy and strength programme. My goal is to be as strong as I can be and remain lean. I don’t necessarily need to run to get that. Or at least, that’s what I tell myself.

But in telling myself that I am avoiding the bigger picture and the bigger picture (hopefully) isn’t a zombie apocalypse, but the ageing process. I’ve written and spoken about the human needs to run, swim, climb, lift, throw and push. The human body has evolved to be very good at these things and denying my body any of them will potentially cause me issues in older age. Like it or not I need to experience running. What’s the point in lifting a PB deadlift if I can’t run for the ball as I play football with my grandkids? Training should include functional and practical stuff too.

I use the 80/20 rule for my own fitness. 80% is the training that I enjoy and excel in and the 20% is what I have to do and what I might not enjoy so much. It’s a decent compromise.

I vary my workouts with phases so I often ‘rep out’ and do supersets and circuits throughout my programming so I rarely just lift a weight for one rep and then scroll Facebook for ten minutes. So I know that I have good fitness levels. And in fact I used to be a champion runner for my school, although beating Pete Slowbottom in 1994 doesn’t count for much now.

I’ve only ever done two official Cooper Runs before. Both were fitness tests for the Army and then to become a PT. I passed with ease and I have no problem at taking on any fitness challenge or trying out any sport. But it doesn’t mean that I like every aspect of fitness or like every sport. It was reassuring to know that I could still get a good score in my latest Cooper Test though.

If the zombies take over the world, I’ll be way in front of most of the population…for at least 12 minutes anyway.

If I can’t outrun a zombie my plan B is to pretend to be one

A Strong 9

I’ve been having a bit of bother in getting my lads motivated for school in recent mornings. At a certain point in the term this can happen. Tiredness creeps in and I find myself repeating the same prompts.

“Are you dressed yet?”

“Have you brushed your teeth?”

“Please just get your shoes on!”

Everything is operating on slo-mo. Although I have found a technique that currently works, at least for this week, which is giving marks out of 10 for their efforts. Whether that’s their morning routine, tidying up or meal times. The higher the score the more of earning stars for the weekend, which is usually based around the Switch and Xbox time or VBucks.

This morning my eldest asked me if he had done better than his younger brother. I had noticed that this comparison has become more prominent in both of their mindset, yet I’m very careful in not giving any extra points to one over the other. I assist them on both managing to earn the same points out of 10. This morning was a strong 9.

What I replied to my eldest was the same response I used to have to give myself and what I have to say to many trainees I have worked with…

“Concentrate on making sure that you do your best job and don’t worry about anybody else”.

It’s easy to lose your way when you compare yourself to anybody else. You are you.

I used to pick up the 30k dumbbells because Biceps Brian on the next bench to me had just pressed 28k. I was trying to prove that I could outlift them, even if my form was horrible and it put my shoulder out. I should have focused on my weight and rep range. I should have looked at yesterday’s me and tried to better myself. Nobody else. I found this out eventually which is why I became a PT, but I also need to teach myself this outside of the gym too.

Bob lives opposite with his wife and two kids. Each morning as I am telling the kids to get dressed for the tenth time and I draw back the curtains I notice Bob pass the window going on his morning run. He waves. I feel like putting the middle finger up but I wave back with a half disheveled grimace on my face.

“A wonderful morning for it!” Bob shouts as he canters down the road. Is it? I think to myself as a worn pair of undies slaps me in the face. The kids are finally getting dressed.

Bob’s kids get into his new sports car effortlessly as I bundle mine into the Juke. Off Bob goes to school with his children while I’m sifting through the crisp wrappers to find the seat belt buckle to strap the youngest in. His wife Berni gets into her car to get to work early for her very important meeting.

I see the kids are finally getting dressed

On Saturday evenings I often see Bob and Berni going out for the evening all glammed up. They head off in a taxi as their kids and child minder wave them off. I look at the clock. Its time for Ant and Dec’s Saturday Night Takeaway, I’ll get the kids to bed and pour a glass of wine.

What I don’t know is that Bob won’t be drinking alcohol when they go out for the evening because he is a recovering alcoholic. His sports car is on finance and his midlife crisis made him get it and this has caused daily arguements with Berni because they can’t afford it. He goes on his daily runs because that is the only thing that gets him out of bed and his children can’t wait to be driven to school so that they don’t have to listen to mum and dad argue anymore. Berni gets to work early so she can meet up with her office fling.

We all know Bob and Berni. Their lives look terrific. But all we have managed to do is create a story in our minds that we begin to believe. You know your life. You live it every day. Warts ‘n’ all. The grief, the battle scars the daily bloody grind. So we begin to imagine that Bob and Berni have the most perfect lives.

Yet when we stop comparing ourselves to anybody else we can see that our own life isn’t so bad. Yes there’s still the ups and downs and curve balls that life throws at you, but you are owning this shit. You are not just managing to survive each day but you are thriving through adversity.

Life can be tough. Sometimes you just need to get off of the carousel. But make no mistake, Bob and Berni are no better off than you. Look at yourself and be proud of yourself today and see what you can achieve tomorrow.

So give yourself a strong 9.

I’m The Daddy

It feels like I’m sat in a school hall at lunch time. No, that’s being kind. I’m in the middle of a borstal canteen. I’m waiting for a young Ray Winston to come at me with a sock full of pool balls.But it’s me who is the daddy now and I’m sat with my two boys in McDonald’s.

Two big promises that my wife and I made when we had kids is that we won’t buy our kids toy guns and we won’t take them to McDonald’s. So after a trip to The Golden Arches full of Ket they’ll be sure to go home and shoot each other with NERF guns or ‘head shot’ some kid on Fortnite. There goes that promise.

Each year, our kids are given guns for their birthday presents from other kind parents. And after much consideration my wife and I realized, perhaps with resignation, that children have always played with toy guns and probably always will. I played with cap guns, spud guns and water pistols but I didn’t grow up to be El Mariachi. Nor do I try to blow Roadrunners up with TNT because I watched Wile E Coyote and I’m not a Satanist because I went to a Marylin Manson concert as a teenager. So maybe we need to lighten up.

Since kids were having birthday parties at McDonald’s and mine were invited, which enabled their palette to taste such..erm,,delicacies then we have decided that they can go now and again as a ‘treat’. It might only be a quarterly event, but it fills me with dread with every visit. I had a mare today.

The first thing I noticed is that it felt like I was walking into a nightclub. Two security guys looked me and my lads up and down as we walked up to The Arches. Now, my youngest had just downed a bottle of fruit shoot which can make him seem a little tipsy but I was sure we would get in. I held his hand to stop any swaying and gave a confident nod to the doorman. He opened the doors for us. We were in!

The nightclub feel continued once we got inside as a bleeping noise akin to an electronic dance anthem was heard above the euphoric noise of revellers. But it was just the ubiquitous noise from the serving area.

And since when did Maccy D’s have touch screen to make an order?! My kids have very specific requests when it comes to how they have their burgers. It’s not something that I can get across on a touch screen. Chicken nuggets it is then.

As we sat down, brushing away a few courses of food on the chairs from the previous customer, I glanced around the room and my initial description of a school lunch hall was pretty accurate. Except instead of teachers telling the kids to get down from the tables it was the security guys. At one point they told a teenage boy to stop vaping or he’ll be thrown out.

McDonald’s food has always reminded me of toy food. It looks and tastes fake. I’m not a food snob. I’ve had many cold kebabs the morning after and I buy fake Pringles. I’ll eat most things as long as it’s not looking at me and I’ll even eat seafood sticks (formerly known as crab sticks) and I don’t know anybody else who will touch those! I’m not too fussy. But a McDonald’s burger has left my taste buds feeling empty except for a saltiness that I’m hoping my seventh pint of water will get rid of.

As we walked back to the car I was pleased to hear that my boys didn’t really like their burgers either. We all left feeling a little awkward that this ‘special tea’ experience was a bit crap.

But I can’t deny the influence of this global patty giant. Like the chain or not, it’s 850 restaurants closing in Russia is as significant today as it was it’s first opening 32 years ago. Yet every time I eat there I refuse to believe that it is their great tasting menu that makes it what it is. As McDonald’s grew in popularity in the USA the rest of the western world all wanted to eat like Americans, smoke, drink, wear jeans and drive cars like Americans. And this obsession stretched to the rest of the world too.

My kids pick up lots of accents and ‘isms’ from YouTube influencers. There’s an Irish guy who is popular at the moment but the majority seem to be American. Our leftovers go in the trash according to our kids. They put their pants over their underwear and they fall on their butts. It just seemed like yesterday that they were watching Paw Patrol on Channel 5. Today it’s YouTube channels. Their intrigue into new accents, cultures and languages don’t bother us, they can watch it but the content on YouTube is obviously closely monitored by us. Every decision like this is always discussed by my wife and I. Is it the right decision? We dunno.

Should YouTube be banned in our house? Do toy guns, statistically, cause future violent men? Do McDonald’s burgers affect healthy eating choices?

I was allowed to watch horror movies at a fairly young age. Maybe I was Jonas’ age when I watched Friday The 13th. And as I pointed out earlier I’m not an axe wielding murderer. Yet as much as I tell myself I need to lighten up our children have much more access to sex, violence and ‘swears’ as my kids call them with just the wrong click of a button. Maybe it’s different from a scary film from Blockbusters.

I’m a great believer that people need the opportunity to realise their errors for themselves. Having studied theories like Rogarian Therapy I understand how important it is for an individual to come to their own conclusions about their own life, even if these individuals are my young children. Maybe the next time we have a spare hour in town they might suggest somewhere that they actually enjoy eating at.

Last season I cringed as Jonas took his coat off during a football training session. It was a cold and wet November evening. The other kids were dressed as the Michelin Man but, despite the coach’s attempts for him to put his coat back on, Jonas refused saying that he was warm. I understand his coach having Jonas’ welfare in mind, but I also understand that until Jonas experiences a freezing cold November and can’t go back on his decision to put his coat back on in front of his mates, he won’t learn how to make the correct decision the week after. He knew it was a bad call to take his training jacket off, but bravado had gotten the better of him and it was too late for him to eat humble pie. But he has always worn his jacket on cold nights ever since. He won’t be making that mistake again.

If I don’t allow my kids to make measured mistakes now, in ten years time when they are met with much greater decisions to make they will struggle. Those who work with me will know that I embrace failure. Failure, or bad decision making, should lead to reflection on how to make better decisions next time around. If I tell my kids not to put YouTube on, or that McDonald’s is not an option, then the desire to eat the forbidden fruit will grow. I’d rather that they taste it now and hope that they realize that the forbidden fruit isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. YouTube channels of people playing on computer games are tedious after a while and a McDonald’s burger is nowhere near the standard of one that they can make at home.

But this is all a ‘hope for the best’ situation. I’ve trained people for longer that I have been a father. I’ve taken a journey with hundreds of trainees, whereas I’ve only been to McDonald’s with my kids half a dozen times. I’m qualified at training people with their physical and mental wellbeing. I’m not qualified at being a dad. Maybe a few lessons and an exam would have been helpful. As it is though I’ve got to wing it, like all parents do. In my job I know every given situation and how to deal with it. Eating disorders, self harm, depression, athletes with Olympic dreams, bodybuilders, fat loss or weight gain goals, I have a plan for every person who approaches me.

But in McDonald’s with their touchscreen ordering, two hungry kids, doormen chasing unruly customers and an incessant bleaping noise coming from the tills and I’m a nervous wreck by the end of it.

Tomorrow it’s beans in toast.

Server Not Responding

I need some time to think.

Being educated in three strict Catholic schools growing up my thinking time, or ‘thoughts and prayers’, were done in a church.

Perhaps being taught by strict Nuns didn’t help my views on religion though. Religious Education was all about Catholicism and I grew up with a very blinkered view of faith.

As a teenager I bought and read the Quran which maybe proves my rebellious nature more than it does my intrigue into religion. Spanish was taught in my GCSE years, so I learnt German in my spare time. I was taught Shakespeare by my teachers so I read and quoted Leonard Cohen instead. I was sent out of a History class once for questioning why we weren’t taught black history. In a 1995 Catholic school you didn’t question their teachings. My name in the staff room was probably mud.

I’m slightly envious of a person who has faith in a God. That must be a deep and profound relationship which holds reassurances I cannot even begin to imagine. Sometimes, if we watch the 10 0’Clock news too much, reassurance is important. But I can’t pretend to be someone I am not.

I need some time to think.

My eldest son, who goes to a Church of England school, says that he is a Christian. He knows that his mum and I are not and I admire his independence in making up his own mind. I’m trying my hardest to get him to support Liverpool instead of Aston Villa! But I’d never try and change his mind regarding his faith. He is his own person and I will try to guide his beliefs whilst being honest to myself too.

On the occasional Sunday it is ‘update’ time on their game Fortnite. This is when the whole gaming community start climbing the walls as their console screen reads ‘Server not responding’. A new chapter in the game is downloading and it can take a few hours before it can be played. If I’ve lost you in this last paragraph then don’t worry. Fortnite is lost on me too. But the important thing here is the window of opportunity to drag the kids away from the computer screen and take them to my place of worship. After all, I’ve been to Jonas’ many times.

I need some time to think.

As we walk along the cliff edge at Cornelian bay I find my time. There’s something satisfying in looking out to where the sky meets the sea. The spring sunshine shimmers across the cold North Sea as it crashes against the rocks below. The smell of the salty waves and seaweed is fresh as it reaches my senses way above the cliff top. The breeze mixed with the occasional gust of wind waters my eyes. Or at least, that’s what I tell my wife as she catches a tear from my cheek. I’d be a rich man if I could bottle that moment and sell it. But I’m richer still by telling you about it for free. That moment is there for anybody to feel.

Fortnite is back on now. The boys only get console time over the weekend so I don’t mind their enthusiasm to get back home to play on it. Not only did they accompany me to my thinking place but they also helped forage for gorse and nettle, so they deserve their free time.

Whether we pray, meditate or walk and think it plays a crucial role in our mental health. Another of my thinking places is at the gym, but it is a very different experience of course. Thoughts are often interrupted by conversations about macros and deadlifts. And I’m fine with that. My schooling might not have been my greatest learning experience, but one subject I do know is macros and deadlifts.

I need some time to think. And you do too. Wherever you go to get that time, make sure that you prioritize it as much as you do your eating, sleeping, training and breathing. It can keep us healthy. It can keep us alive.