Tag Archives: never give up

Number 6

‘Despite being nervous about moving up to play against the older kids, Jonas scored six goals in half an hour of his first game against the under 10s. You just don’t see anything like that.’

Jonas’ football coach gave him a fantastic send off during Scarborough Athletic’s grass roots presentation evening. It brought my wife to tears and I had a lump in my throat.

His impact at the club has been enormous. He broke records such as being the youngest ever player (he was signed to the under 7’s when he was 5) and his coach announced that he will be requesting that the number 6 jersey be retired in honour of the mark that Jonas has left.

The ‘football dad’ gets a bit of bad press. Pushy, yelling from the sideline and hoping that one day their kid will be earning millions playing in the Premier League.

And yet I don’t think I’ve been pushy. I’ve encouraged my kids to attend the extra curricular activities that they committed to but never demanded that they go if they didn’t want to. And for Jonas with football it’s been a bit like that. Despite his love for the game and his obvious talent, he has often made excuses not to go to training. But training twice a week and playing a game on Sundays since he was 5 must be quite tiring, even for the most willing of kids.

Scarborough Athletic are a very well run club. On day one the parents were told that it’s about their kids enjoying football and that the referees and coaches are volunteers. Yelling at them from the sidelines would not be tolerated. And although I’ve occasionally given encouragement and cheered a last minute winner, I’ve tried to keep quiet and not interfere with their game.

And I know the statistics when it comes to kids making it professional. I’ve seen some great talent in the hundreds of games that I’ve watched but I’ve probably not seen any kid that will become a full time professional. So I have to handle my kids’ dreams sensitively. Always dream big, yes, but success shouldn’t be defined by how much money you make, how big your car is or how many followers you have on Facebook.

Apart from a tournament that Jonas will hopefully be able to attend, that is it regarding his Scarborough Athletic journey. A club that has given him so many opportunities and valuable lessons in his short time of becoming a footballer. For that, we’ll be forever grateful.

Quantum Jump Manifestation

We tend to only see ourselves as part of this universe. Indeed, the word ‘universe’ indicates that there’s just one. And yet we know very little about what is beyond our own galaxy. As we learn more about quantum physics, we are also becoming more open to what else is out there.

What if we could actually discover what lies beyond our galaxy within these parallel realities? What if you could discover new layers to this world and make contact with alternate versions of yourself?

This week, that is where I’ve been. This souped up variation of a visualization meditation can take you on a journey of discovery and empowerment. I felt it and I learnt a great deal about me and my future. Just for a moment, I lived it.

Before I explain more about QJM, I first need to describe to you how the universe works for us. The universe is like a Google search bar. When you type in a search on Google, the algorithm will match what it is you’re looking for. So sophisticated is this engine, that it will also begin to create ads and suggestions based on what you input into it. Well, the universe works in exactly the same way.

A vibrational frequency from your thoughts and emotions is picked up by the universe where it will begin to match your frequency into matching algorithms.

So QJM allows us to get deep inside our subconscious mind and shape our inner beliefs and expectations. Through QJM we can access dormant areas of our minds and explore desired realities. Through these focussed techniques of QJM, we can create positive outcomes and allow the universe to process this through its matching algorithms.

Quite a lot of guided meditations that I use when I feel like I need it is by Jason Stephenson on YouTube. I really would recommend that you allow yourself some time to listen and focus on his version of a Quantum Jump Manifestation. They can be a lengthy hour or two though, so do make sure that you can have an evening to yourself (or with a partner) to take the jump. You might like some time to process your experience afterwards too.

Although I’m qualified in guided meditations I’m going to continue learning and hopefully find a way of qualifying me to conduct QJM for other people, so I won’t be sharing any of my versions just yet! But if you are interested in giving it a go, check out Jason Stephenson’s QJM and tell me how you got on.

For now, keep feeding those positive thoughts to the universe.

Tomar

Seeing as our previous holiday outside of the UK was just before the 2020 lockdown hit, we decided to take a week in central Portugal with our boys this January. We weren’t disappointed.

Staying in the centre of a city can give you a good idea of a place and our apartment was above cafés on a busy street. Wherever we went, we came across lots of cafés. The vibes were positive. My morning routine soon became going to the nearest cafe with the boys and choosing a few patisseries for them to take back up to the apartment while I sat outside the cafe soaking up the atmosphere with a double espresso.

I can see the attraction of this cafe culture in places like Tomar. This is how many of the locals would start their day, congregating around a table on the pavement and having a chat. I enjoyed people watching. My eavesdropping, however, wasn’t so good in Portuguese. You get good thinking time in the few minutes that it takes to drink an espresso too. In just a week, most of my best business plans came in that moment each morning. Whatever our plans. Whatever we aspire to achieve, whatever we want to do with our lives, we need thinking time in order to do it.

And Tomar was indeed partly a business trip. But with two kids with us, everything is generally a little unconventional. We had to merge a holiday with the stuff that we went there to do. The kids loved it. In fact, they enjoyed the bits where Lou and I had appointments and had to travel.

We enjoy a holiday in the sun by the beach with a water park outside of our hotel, but they seem to also appreciate talking to people in another language, taking notice of the architecture, trying different food and finding out about the history of towns and cities that they visit. Many locals didn’t speak English and Tomar is steeped in history, so we all enjoyed learning along the way.

Of course, I had to try the different food and drinks on offer during my stay. It’s a good job it is ‘bulking season’! However, the pastal de natas that I ate each morning aren’t a great dietary need for any time of the season, they just tasted good! So did the wine!

Getting back to a steady diet and a training routine will take a few days. Whenever we have a period of time off it can have that sort of impact on our energy and motivation. I know that I’ll have a couple of ‘sluggish’ gym sessions which can deter people from carrying on. It’s easy to think that all of the hard work and good progress is lost after a period of time eating lots of food and having time away from training, but it really isn’t. The body needs down time too. And there’s no better place than in a cafe in Tomar.

Avoiding Exercise

Ah social media. As much as I love it, I hate it too. For all the good advice that we can find out there, there’s the bloody awful stuff that can be misleading and potentially dangerous.

Let’s take the latest weight loss pill that entered my feed recently. Take one a day and watch the fat roll off, apparently. Oh, and you don’t need to exercise. The ads have always got before and after pics as evidence of course.

The problem with before and after pics on advertisements are…

A. Did this person genuinely lose weight through taking this pill or were they actually just on a calorie deficit?

B. How long did this transformation take? Because I’ve seen timelines that are either impossible or would need a dangerously low calorie deficit to get there.

C. Anybody can get a generic before and after pic from the internet. Does this person even know that they’re being used in this ad?!

As far as a magic pill goes, the ingredients are probably harmless. It might be mostly caffeine and therefore make you feel like you’ve had a shot of espresso. But the real dangers are the idea that you don’t need to exercise if you are taking them.

Pills, drinks, vibrating attachments to bellies and bums and fad diets are all contributing to the ever increasing obesity levels in the western world. The reason for this is the idea that’s given that it is some sort of short cut. A fast track trick for a firmer tummy.

I’ve been in the industry for too long to know that none of the above work. And whatever you choose to put into your body or attach to your wobbly bits it isn’t going to work unless you move more.

Moving. That is exercise. Staying active and eating a balanced diet works. That is the key.

And if you have been given the advice from a PT that you need to run marathons, pump iron everyday or sign up for the next Tough Mudder, that’s bull too. You just need to walk or run a bit more, join a few fun fitness classes with friends, lift a few weights and keep moving.

Although weight loss, fitness and muscle hypertrophy can be a science, the basic principle is simple…

Don’t avoid exercise!

Giving Pain The Elbow

An unusual pain came over my elbow as I trained a couple of weeks ago. I say elbow, but it seems to stem from the brachialis. It wasn’t debilitating, but it was noticeable in my everyday movement which was uncomfortable.

Having trained Monday to Friday plus a few occasions where I’ve trained twice a day, I put it down to over training. Ok, I thought, with the half term holiday for a week around the corner, I decided to take a step back to recover. My readers will be aware that I will take school half term holiday off from the gym for a number of reasons, but the biggest by far is that my kids are at home and I appreciate spending time with them. Of course, I still have to be in the gym for my clients, but I rarely stick around to train myself. It gives me a natural break from it. And on this occasion, it seemed like I needed it.

But as the week went by, my arm became even worse. It went from a sharp pain to becoming a constant dull ache.

My advice to my trainees in this situation is…

* Always listen to your body. If you can’t train then take it easy and have a few days off (or train a different part of the body) but

* If you feel that you can train through the pain, you might find that the pain will ease.

It was totally coincidental that I had to take it easy after my injury due to the half term holiday, but I didn’t feel that my lay off was doing it any good at all. In fact, the pain was getting worse. Once I got back to the gym, plan B was in place. I trained through the pain.

And now, after a week back at training as normal, my injury has almost totally disappeared.

When my kids have a fall at football and start crying I assess the situation very quickly. I need to know where it hurts. Are there any cuts? Is it bleeding? But 99% of the time it has been a case of telling them to ‘run it off’. I’ve no doubt that it hurts at the time and there might be niggling pain associated with it afterwards, but I think that there’s usually a good case for ‘running it off’.

Training through minor injuries allows the body to maintain strength and conditioning, therefore enabling an injury to heal. But this must be up to each individual’s honest assessment. If you blame any twinge or niggle on not training because you can’t be bothered, then you might as well just be honest with yourself and admit that you can’t be bothered. However, if an injury is seriously affecting your performance or your life outside of the gym then giving the gym a miss and seeking professional advice might be an appropriate course of action.

Either way, be sure to give pain the elbow.

The Journey

A very important piece of advice was given to me the other day and it has stuck with me. In fact, the more I think about it the more I can relate it to me and my goals and I see it in other people too.

The person who loves to walk will walk further than the person who loves the destination.

When you love the journey, goals just happen. The destination is cool too! But you are so engaged with the process you don’t even realise that you are there. You carry on. You hit more milestones. And whether you inch forward on some days or you take big strides, you want to continue.

This advice is so huge it goes beyond the stuff we do to become fitter or jacked or to control our weight. This is a lesson for life. There are some months I could earn more money in my previous job. I could walk away from being self-employed with no holiday or sick pay and know that I could have a regular income each month.

But this journey that I’m on? Priceless. I’ll enjoy this journey so much more. The stress, the pitfalls and the headaches are there but the good times, by far, outweigh the bad. This is my own process. My destiny.

I’ll need to give myself a little tap on the shoulder in future when I have a moment feeling down or inadequate just to remind myself of why I keep walking. Some days I’m crawling, some days I’m running. Either way, I keep going forward on my journey because I enjoy it.

I spent so long not enjoying the process. In the gym I’d choose the wrong exercises because ‘that’s just what you need to do, dude!’

And yet it isn’t what I ‘just need to do’. I need to find the few exercises that I enjoy and become good at them. Then the journey really begins. I find new and interesting formulas and techniques. Maybe stuff that I hated before became appealing and the challenge of trying it and succeeding gets me out of bed in the morning.

Transferring this attitude into everyday life is similar. The journey needs to make sense to you. It has to be yours and a good PT will make it yours because it will be personal to you. Something I’ve yet to see from Poundland PT is actually making Personal Training personal. If a PT can’t do that all they do is give every person they train a gym induction. Gym inductions are free.

Your journey becomes an obsession. Obsessions can be healthy, even if we might not like the word or its connotation. Most people we see as being happy, healthy or successful got to where they are because they were obsessed about their journey. They trained almost every day. They made their journey personal and kept on walking.

So what of the destination? Is it irrelevant? No, for sure it plays a part, but if you focus on the big house, the sports car, becoming jacked, being a size 8, taking 4 cruises a year or having the perfect family then you will be disappointed. You’ll want short cuts. You’ll take routes that you don’t enjoy and can even be dangerous to your mental or physical health. You become desperate. You quit.

The destination just happens. But it only happens if you enjoy the walk.

Keep going forward son. There’s nothing to stop you on your journey but your own self doubts.

Running Up That Hill

According to English folklore, a giant lived in a fortress on Penhill in Wensleydale. Legend has it the giant would eat flocks of sheep and terrorise the locals. This week I terrorised the locals by taking my kids to a holiday cottage nearby.

I knew that we would do lots of walking in very beautiful surroundings in the countryside on our family holiday to Wensleydale and Coverdale, but I didn’t expect just how breathtakingly beautiful it would be. And seeing as it is August, I didn’t expect the wind and the rain as we attempted a very large, steep hill. It was absolutely torrential as we began our walk up Penhill. And with the wind against us, every step seemed like a huge achievement. I can only imagine what it was like for the boys little legs. Yet they thrived throughout it. As for Lou and I there were a few times we wanted to turn back. But Lou has done this many times before as she grew up in Leyburn. For me, it was my first time. I couldn’t turn back. I had to tick it off the list. The boys wouldn’t have had it any other way.

Penhill is not a huge mountain that takes days to climb. It is probably not even the biggest hill in Wensleydale, but it was enough for us given the weather and a 6 and 8 year old to keep safe. At about an hour and a half from start to the top, it challenged us. And the sense of achievement that I got from getting to the top and back down again in difficult conditions was extremely satisfying. The kids were buzzing at the top. The memory of making their way into the clouds looking down on everything below is a memory just as good as an experience abroad in some exciting new place, city or beach. This was Yorkshire, right on their doorstep.

And I often use hills and mountains as a metaphor for a life challenge. Some are daunting and scary. They seem steep and treacherous. They might be smaller to some people, bigger to others. Every hill or mountain is unique to every one of us. But in our own way we climb each one that we are faced with and it might even take a few attempts.

The Penhill Giant might just be a mythical creature, but there’s an ogre that lives inside all of our heads that is wanting to terrorise us. The only sure way to avoid it is to keep running up that hill.

Not If, But When

I like to think that I have a group of motivated and enthusiastic trainees who are focussed on their goals. At the moment there seems to be a buzz of excitement in what we are achieving, but it comes with a big red flashing light of caution.

As early as the consultation stage I like to prepare my future clients for the reality. Yes, they will succeed. They can reach their goals. But only if they become comfortable with the knowledge that it will be a case of not if, but when they have to face the feelings of failure.

Failure comes in many different guises. To some it’s a disappointing week with nutrition. To others it could be not seeing the results as quickly as they expected. It could be that they feel that they haven’t dedicated enough time to the gym or their weekend binge has set their progress back.

Even in elite sport the athletes will face failure. Djokovic might win Wimbledon, but he will drop sets. City might win the league, but they will lose games. A boxer might win the fight, but it doesn’t come without a few blows along the way. Real Madrid lost a whopping four times during their Champions League campaign in 2022 and yet went on to win the final. Being a Liverpool supporter I know that stat all too well!

The above sports people are trained to deal with the highs and lows of sport and competition. And let’s not hide away from the fact that your goals are a competition. If you set any type of target or goal, you begin to compete against yourself. Today, you compete against the yesterday’s you. Find that mindset and you make a big step towards your success. Acknowledge that sometimes the yesterday’s you will defeat you, then that’s an even bigger step.

But if you allow yourself to get bogged down on the low days then your journey will be so much more difficult. For many people it becomes too much and they give up.

The low days are the ones that you can look back on and embrace. These are the days when you learned something about yourself and you responded. It becomes an education. And in many ways you learn more on these days than you ever will on your good days.

Giving up on your goals is like slashing your three other tyres because you got a flat.

Sometimes you will get a flat tyre. Acknowledge it, know what to do or who to ask when it does, fix it and move on.

Dirty Fries

Scarborough is a small town. It’s the sort of place that if you go into the town centre you will probably know somebody to say hello to. Train in a gym with almost 3,000 members and the chances are that I will definitely see somebody I know.

Had they seen me in a bar this lunch time they would have found me with a large gin and tonic and some ‘dirty fries’. When I ordered them I imagined some chips with a sprinkling of grated cheese. What I actually got was a bag of potatoes, a pack of bacon and a block of cheese squeezed into a good sized pasta bowl. This wasn’t the amuse bouche that I had visioned in my mind, but it was one my belly was happy to try.

I wished a client of mine would’ve walked in as I slurped the stringy melted cheese into my mouth. If only to keep proving my point. I keep reiterating my point regarding food and weight management…eat it. All of it. If it fits your daily calories, eat it and enjoy it. But there’s a slight caveat. Just one little rule.

If you aren’t going to cut out the low nutrition foods, then you must keep the nutritionally dense foods high. Whether you are very active with fitness goals or more sedentary, keep the nutritionally dense foods high.

You see, I don’t believe in banning food types. If you want to stop off at a bar and order a truck full of McCain’s Chips then do it, as long as your  weekly macros are met. Yes, weekly. Some days your carbs might be up, but if you keep the nutritionally dense and high protein foods a priority over the course of the week then your calories and macros will average out. Judging your Journey on just one day will serve you no purpose.

I knew that I could eat some greasy cheesy chips today. I count my calories.

Now, if you read the newspapers you might gasp in horror at the knowledge that I count calories and I also endorse it for others. The one exception being anybody suffering from an eating disorder. In which case they don’t need me, they need professional medical support.

But the media seem to be very negative towards counting calories. Which is interested, because they print lots of other methods such as 5:2, Intermittent fasting and promote large dieting companies who count ‘syns’.

My conclusion is that counting calories isn’t sexy. It isn’t a buzz word or trending on Twitter. And if it isn’t a large company paying a newspaper to advertise their diet or a book publisher paying them to flog Michael Mosley’s new fad diet, then it gets demonized as wrong.

If I go into a shop and see something that I want to buy I will check my bank balance before I purchase it. That’s just simple accounting.

If I go to the carpet fitters I will take the measurements of the room that I wish to have carpeted with me. That is just common sense.

If I take my son to buy a pair of shoes I will ask the assistant to measure his feet first. Efficient.

And if I want some dirty fries washed down with a gin and tonic I will make sure that my meals around this tasty treat are low in calories and high in nutrition. No anxiety or concerns.

I get what I want now and again and I also get to keep my body on track with my fitness goals. And a part of my fitness goals is my mental health, therefore stressing at banning all of the foods that I enjoy is not something that I consider healthy. I have a good relationship with food. I don’t want to feel anxious about being in a social environment and seeing half of the food on the menu to be cancelled for me.

I don’t develope programmes or challenges for my clients if I wouldn’t do it myself. So occasionally doing my own Balanced Plate Challenge works for me. My clients succeed, why shouldn’t I enjoy my own methods too?!

And so it’s time to make my smoothie. With plenty of spinach and fruit in there my body will still know that I love it. And it might even get another bowl of dirty fries again next week!