I write this as a kind of message to myself. I’m currently needing to muster all of my positive energy to remain committed to our project of creating our Wellbeing Centre in Portugal.
And that’s not because I don’t want to do it or cannot be bothered to continue with the process. Far from it. But it’s because I’m scared.
Yesterday we had a phone call from our estate agents. We are 8 weeks into the sale of our house in Scarborough and each day is a nervous one as we hope that the chain stays in tact and we complete the sale. We’ve had the estate agent call before on a previous sale and it was to say that the buyer had pulled out. So we’re on tenterhooks now.
However, yesterday’s call was a good one. All being well, they said, the sale could be complete within two weeks.
Two weeks!
That’s much earlier than our expected date of early August. My wife and I looked at each other. Hearts racing at the news. I think I mouthed a swear word. My wife just said,”What are we doing?!!”
Portugal now seems very real. Visas seem very real. Finding and buying a house, a car…oh and driving a car on the opposite side of the road, arranging for our stuff to be sent over, schools for the kids, building our business, learning the language and generally putting ourselves in a very different life to what we are used to. It’s all very real now.
But whatever it is that we want to achieve, being committed to the plan and the ultimate goal is an absolute necessity. It would’ve been easy during the past few months to talk ourselves out of it and simply carry on with our current life. We are happy. The kids are happy. But we committed to a goal that we have dreamt about for many years. It’s not a whim. Indeed, it has been planned for over ten years or more. And even before my wife and I had met each other, we had hopes of moving abroad. It’s only when the UK left the EU did we pluck up the courage to do it.
The other necessary ingredient to reach your goals is to admit that sometimes it is getting tough or you are scared. I say it to myself. I say it to my wife. I even put it out to the world in my blogs.
Rewarding stuff in life isn’t meant to be easy to obtain. It should be difficult.
It could be going to the gym for the first time or having your first PT appointment. It might be applying for a job in your dream career. It could be setting up your own business or entering a new relationship. There will be times that you will be scared about the outcome, but you must trust the process.
The house, the yurts, the massage rooms, the gym and the schools won’t fall into our lap once we are in Portugal. And we’ve already talked about the strain that such a massive move can have on a relationship. Truth be told, I’m absolutely bricking it.
But I’m also committed. I’m committed to the project and I’m committed to doing this with my wife, best friend and business partner.
If you’re unsure about how your plans are working out today, whether it be a fitness goal, a career move or a relationship, consider this quote from Nelson Mandela.
“I never lose. I either win or learn.”
If something hasn’t gone to plan today, then see this experience as an opportunity to learn. Don’t retreat or accept your attempts as failure, simply learn and move on.
I’ve just trained at the gym and I’m waiting for my quinoa to cook. I’ll be adding a tin of mackerel and a dash of piri piri sauce to this when I plate it up. Nothing too extravagant, but it does pack a punch in the macro and vitamins department.
And yet, if I’m honest with myself, had I not trained today I would have opted for a couple of cheese bagels with mayo and mustard. Delicious yes, but it hasn’t got the same nutritional value.
I find myself doing this regularly. On training days I will always want the healthier option. And studies show that it isn’t just me. In a recent study at the University of Texas it assembled 2500 people who did not exercise regularly and ate less nutritional foods on a daily basis.
They were put on an exercise program and told to keep a journal including their eating habits. They were asked not to change their diet.
However, within a few weeks it was highlighted that over half of those who kept to their exercise program did change their eating habits. They would often choose fruit, veg, lean meats, fish, nuts to eat on training days.
But what these studies don’t identify is WHY their habits change. So, seeing as I do exactly the same as those in the study in Texas I might be able to shed some light on why.
First of all, I enjoy fried foods. I am currently loving the homemade ice cream that my wife keeps making. I prefer cheap white sliced bread. Cheese would make my top 5 of favourite foods and kebab meat would probably rank pretty high too. I drink beer and wine. I enjoy food. But there’s a physical and psychological process that happens once I train.
Physical
I work hard at the gym. During and after my workout my body feels it and it is my body that demands what fuel is put into it in order to recover. Although the want for fried, less healthy foods don’t go away, the craving for food that compliments my workout and the recovery is very high.
Psychological
I’ve just put an hour of my time into feeling fitter and better about myself. I feel a little lighter and I feel body positive. My need for less nutritional food is not so high that I am going to step out of the gym and go straight into Greggs for pasties and sausage rolls. Today is a good day. I feel good about myself. The endorphins that are released during my workout have triggered a happier, satisfied me. My cheese bagel sounds great, but it’ll be there for another day. For now, I don’t want to feel heavy through stodgy processed food. This food is comforting, but I already have those endorphins racing through my body to comfort me. In other words, I don’t want to feel like I’ve ruined a good workout by eating the wrong food.
When I keep goals very simple such as feeling better about myself, looking fit and healthy for my age and helping myself stay mobile for as long as possible throughout my life then the answer is easy. I can still eat all of the things that make my top 5 of favourite indulgence foods but I am also programmed to give my body what it needs.
Of course, if I were to develop more complex goals then my nutritional needs may become more acute, for example, training for a marathon or a sport at an elite level, a certain weight target or for medical conditions. But I’m not.
The Bottom Line
In an ideal world we would be eating the healthier ‘clean’ foods all of the time, but it isn’t an ideal world. Sometimes you need to grab and go as you work towards a deadline in your course or job. The kids swimming lessons are straight after school and you can only manage a packet of crisps as you scramble them into the car. Or you’ve been invited on a night out and you want a few gin and tonics.
But effort and preparation goes a long way if you keep goals simple. Being more active and giving your body some nutritious food can simply become something that you do. You become programmed to it because it makes you feel good after an activity.
An apple, beans or quinoa might never be in your top 5 of your favourite foods, but they don’t have to be. They just need to exist in your diet to begin with. There’s no such thing as bad food, just bad habits. And I think the key to creating better eating habits lies with us taking some time to exercise regularly.
It is very rare that I cry, but I did this morning. It was as I watched a news article that set me off blubbing.
Yesterday there was a charity run held in Leeds which would aim to raise money for lots of great charities. One of those being charities associated with Motor Neuron Disease (MND).
Of course, running for these charities were Kevin Sinfield and his ex Leeds Rhinos team mate Rob Burrow.
For those of you who don’t know these guys, Rob Burrow was one of the best ever rugby league players I’d ever seen and it was the likes of him and Sinfield that would have me and thousands of Rhinos fans going back to Headingley stadium every week to watch them play. As a football fan who didn’t entirely understand the rules of rugby this was quite a thing. But I just needed to go and appreciate just how good this team was.
Just a few years after his retirement in 2019, Rob Burrow was diagnosed with MND. Him having children of a similar age to mine has made me extra sensitive to this news. He had had a stellar playing career, a beautiful family and he was an extremely young and fit man with a well deserved career in coaching or whatever he chose to do in retirement. MND had other ideas.
Kevin Sinfield, his best friend, has been an absolute rock to Rob, his family and the whole of the MND community.
Yesterday, as Kevin helped push Rob to the finish line, he picked him up and they crossed the line together. I saw it for the first time this morning and I was in bits.
What went through my mind? How strong Rob was. As a rugby player he was a Gladiator but he has been even stronger since his horrible diagnosis, speaking out on behalf of the MND community whilst dealing with his own emotions. I thought about what a fantastic friend Kevin Sinfield is. You’d expect support from your pal, of course, but he has been an absolute inspiration to us all. That moment when he picked Rob from out of his chair and crossed the finishing line together symbolises friendship, strength and togetherness, a reminder that we don’t have to struggle alone if we have the right people around us. Whatever the finish line we have to cross, we can do it with a friend like Kevin Sinfield.
But as wonderful a moment as it was, it was also very sad. It was sad to see what devastating effect MND can have on the body. Like Rob, we can train, eat a strict diet and do all the right things, but life can be cruel.
Every time I hear a story like this it fully confirms my beliefs that what I plan for me and my family’s future is the right thing to do. Moving to Portugal to pursue our dreams is happening now because I’m not hanging around any longer. For what? What do we hang around for? Why do we procrastinate on our dreams and goals and all the things that might bring us joy and happiness?
Whether it’s a course that you’ve fancied applying for, a career move, a gym goal or whatever, today is the day to start the process.
And when you surround yourself with the right people, you can achieve your dreams and they’ll also be there to pick you up when you’re down. During their playing days I can bet that there will have been dozens of times that Rob has given Kevin the good advice, the pep talk and the commitment to get over the line. kev is just repaying the favour.
Life can show us how cruel it can be but how wonderful and valuable it can be too. Live your life and cherish how wonderful it is.
We get bogged down by the details sometimes. We forget to actually do, because we’re wrapped up in the how.
A how is only important if you’re actively doing in the first place. And then you start finding how to do it.
The 13th century poet Rumi said, “As you start to walk along the way, the way appears.”
In other words don’t dither, just do.
By all means have a plan. Have a plan B. But the more you sit on the finer details, the more it is less likely to happen. So sometimes, as Rumi alludes to, it is only once you are on your path will the journey start to become clearer.
Perhaps I told people too early about our relocation to Portugal. It means that what I told people 4 months ago is completely different today. Yes, the way is Portugal, but the plan has changed daily. I’m sure anybody asking me about it is wishing that they hadn’t bothered!
From selling our house, budgets, liaising with UK and Portuguese solicitors and consulates, renting or buying in Portugal, where exactly in Portugal we will settle, the business plan, the kids schooling and when we will actually buy our one way ticket is still keeping this journey a mystery. But there’s one certainty and that is that it will happen. We know that because we are walking along the way.
The way has obstacles. It isn’t easy. But if anything is worth getting, then it has to be with full commitment, belief and a great deal of bloody stubbornness.
We’re learning along the way and we will make mistakes. But mistakes, and the unforeseen circumstances beyond our control, are what mold us into grittier and more determined people. We cannot get lost in our pain, because one day the pain will become the cure.
Think about something that you are passionate about doing. It doesn’t have to be anything at all like mine. This is your passion. Now visualize it. Live it for a few moments. What do you see? How does this passion that you have imagined as your reality make you feel? Can you see yourself smiling, laughing, dancing as a confident happy person?
Because that’s what following your passions should be like. Living your life how you want to live it should make you feel fulfilled. Don’t be afraid to find your happiness. You just need to start to walk along the way.
Let me start with a quote from the movie The Pursuit Of Happiness. Smith’s character says to his child…
“Don’t ever let someone tell you that you can’t do something. Not even me. You got a dream, you’ve gotta protect it. When people can’t do something themselves, they’re gonna tell you that you can’t do it. You want something, go get it. Period.”
And whether they mean it or not, it is quite often those closest to you who are the ones who might be holding you back. They’re giving you your limitations. Smith’s character even warned his child, “Not even me.” Parents, partners, friends. They’re all capable of telling you that you’re not able enough.
But don’t blame them. Certainly not if they are misguided. We are all guilty of blocking a loved one’s ambitions. Just realize that every time they tell you that you can’t, they’re just showing their limitations, not yours.
However, you should try to surround yourself with as many people who tell you that YOU CAN as much as possible. My wife and I seem to work well at this. She knew that I was desperately unhappy in my previous career and, even though it meant less income and with a new born baby, she allowed me to follow my dreams of becoming a Personal Trainer.
Likewise, after being a stay at home mum for our two children for a few years, I encouraged her to go to college to qualify as a Massage Therapist. Financially it became a challenge, but we could develop a lifestyle that worked for our family and it made us happier.
Now, we are telling each other every day that we can take our business ventures to Portugal, despite some days the whole universe telling us that we can’t.
Along with the misguided people who don’t mean any harm, I can guarantee that you will have those people in your life who do. They will thrive off of your misery and failures. Yes, these are the toxic ones. Most of them won’t care about your problems and some will be even glad that you have them. Stay clear. These aren’t just the doubters, but these are the ones who will go out of their way to trip you up. They’ll look friendly, but I think that you know who they are. Insincere people are easy to detect.
So much of our success in life is determined by those we have around us. You need positive people to support you. As for the rest, just say to them, “You told me I couldn’t, so I made sure that I did.”
We get so wrapped up in extremes these days and, perhaps in the age of the internet, it is more apparent than ever for us humans.
Everything we do and say is often interpreted as a hyperbolic representation of us as individuals. Others do it to us, but we are likely to do this to ourselves too as some sort of self fulfilled prophecy.
If you publicly laugh at an Alf Garnet joke you are judged to be a right wing fascist and if you welcome black mermaids in a new kids Disney movie then you are labelled a woke looney lefty.
I do both. I confuse the extremists.
But something very dangerous is happening to our culture that I, as a personal trainer, feel should be addressed regarding what we eat. Diets are becoming more and more extreme by the week.
I decided fairly quickly in my life as a PT to avoid creating meal plans for my clients. Even if they specifically asked for them, if they were not an elite athlete that had to continuously hit certain weights (boxers, jockeys) and macros then it was not necessary. The average gym goer will not benefit from such an extreme method. And if a fitness professional demands that you follow a meal plan then I would suggest that they are trying to upsell their product.
Apps such as calorie and macro counters are usually a good place to begin a weight loss or muscle hypertrophy journey. Even then, they are only necessary for a few weeks until you can discover what each meal can provide in terms of nutrition.
But the problem with meal planners is that they are…
A. Designed by someone else.
B. Do not account for your different moods or hunger throughout the day and
C. Can cause you to feel demoralised when you cannot follow it.
My life, for example, is not so well structured that I am able to prep and eat a certain meal at a certain time of day every day. Will I always have those ingredients in the kitchen? Will an emergency at work or home derail my timing? With food costs going up, will I be able to afford these meals? Is my PT telling me to buy, prep and eat all of this while he plans my life in his bedroom and his mum makes him his tea?!
(The last one actually happens, trust me.)
And what if I miss a meal or find an alternative food? Does this waste all of my previous efforts? Should I just give it up as a bad job? Maybe I’m just not ready to lose weight/become healthier/ build muscle.
No!
It means that I’m human. I’m not programmed to eat half a chicken breast, one handful of broccoli and one cup of rice at 12:30 just because it is written on a piece of paper on my fridge door.
Yesterday, I had the following breakfast…
Two white buns, buttered. Inside each of them I put one slice of bacon, one hash brown, one fried egg, mushrooms, one slice of black pudding and baked beans. Here’s the evidence…
I enjoyed every guilt free moment of it because I have no restrictions on my diet. But I can only have this ‘no food ban’ in place if I keep to some sensible rules…
* I make sure that I eat fruit and veg throughout the day.
* I don’t eat extra high calorie meals every day.
* I try to vary my meals regularly so that I do not fall into a rut resulting in boredom or habit forming.
* I acknowledge the calories and macros of each meal, but even more importantly, I recognise how each meal makes me feel. For example, do I feel sluggish? Am I drinking extra water due to excess salt consumption? Do I feel satisfied? Will this meal sustain me in whatever activity I have planned to do next?
My breakfast from yesterday isn’t a bad meal. It becomes a poor choice, however, if I were to have it today and tomorrow and the day after and so on. So I won’t.
Instead, my breakfast this morning looks like this…
This drink consists of one apple, a banana, a pear and plenty of spinach topped up with water. This is my usual start to the day, but yesterday I just fancied a change.
Both breakfasts made me happy.
Extreme dieting methods can be damaging to your relationship with food and ultimately your health. So let’s look at a few steps to a sensible approach…
* If you find yourself craving a certain food and have started to eat this for the past few days then this can create a habit that is unwelcome. Even a fruit and veg smoothie using the same ingredients every day can be detrimental. Try new and different fruit and veg for example. This will ensure that you remain interested in making a fruit smoothie each day if that is your goal. And as much as I loved my full English breakfast in a bun, the calories and trans fats are not something that I can put into my body each day. Keep it to the odd occasion.
* If you are going out for the evening and you know that there will be lovely food and drink on offer, then approach this occasion sensibly. You want to have a good time without calorie counting every single drop! For a day or two, cut back on calorie dense foods. For example, stay away from a full English in a bun or a takeaway in the lead up to a night out. Also, I find a good workout on the day of a big night out helps me stay focussed. It doesn’t ruin my enjoyment, but If I feel the effects of a workout it enables me to keep my goals in the back of my mind even if I’m ordering the gin and tonics.
* Appreciate ALL food types. And you can do this whilst acknowledging that high nutritious food is excellent fuel for your body and your mind. Don’t be down on yourself if you’ve been fuelling your body with great nutrition but suddenly find yourself chowing down on a full English breakfast butty. Eat it and move on.
* Stay away from extreme diet sites and companies that want your money while you question yourself and feel inadequate. And don’t take too much notice of Dave from admin who lost 2 stone by following the new fad Facebook diet. You will lose weight on any diet that puts you in a calorie deficit. But you’ll only keep it off if it doesn’t require extreme measures such as very low daily calories, counting your ‘syns’ or taking pills. Your approach right from the off has to be sustainable for your lifestyle.
* Buy high nutritional food and bring it into your home. Cupboards and fridges should be stocked with 80% of the high nutritious foods and 20% of the rest of your favourite foods. Once it is in your home, you can start making some of your favourite healthy dishes and freezing them. Sauces are easily made in large quantities and frozen in those tubs that you get from the takeaway!
So, before I get asked about this, I’ll comment on it now. Are syn’s from Slimming World really all that extreme?!
Well, this is a method which…
1. Calls higher calorie foods a syn. Ok, it means synergy to SW, but does the term syn trigger something to you which means it is bad for you? I’m afraid it’s poor taste in light of the mental health problems we have as a society regarding the way we look. And
2. Bananas are a ‘free’ food unless it is mashed. Then it becomes a syn. Three points on that…
a) A banana has never ever been a reason for a person’s weight gain. Mashed or unmashed.
b) If we demonize the poor mashed banana then what of the full English butty?! What chance do we have with our physical and mental health or weight control if we see mashed up banana as a reason why we are failing?
c) banana gets mashed when you put it in your mouth. Sooooo…..
Whether it is the PT writing out your next week’s meal plan, the media with their hyperbolic headlines or the big companies with very clever marketing campaigns, you can be sure that they are all capable of taking us to the extreme when it comes to the food that we eat.
I hope, with a little common sense and a step back from the nonsense, we can all start making some delicious choices from now on.
The next time you get a moment (and you should make sure that you do) just close your eyes and visualise yourself in an environment that you consider the most calming, tranquil place in the universe.
It could be standing by the sea or on a mountain top. You could imagine yourself sitting on a cloud or even a star. You could be in a safe place with a loved one. Anywhere at all.
And then breathe these images from your mind deeply into your lungs. Let them fill your body right down to your toes.
This is a form of meditation. So many people tell me that they can’t meditate or don’t know how to. Perhaps for some they might feel a bit silly. They think of sitting cross legged, humming, chanting and emptying your mind or turning off your senses. And yet it doesn’t have to be that at all. It’s just about taking a moment.
My favourite images when I close my eyes are of the sun’s rays shining through the branches of a tree. The rays gently dance around as the dappled light warms my thoughts.
The scientific term for this light is called Crepuscular rays and the Japanese call it Komorebi, which is made up of the Kanji characters for tree, shine through and sun.
I like the Japanese description, but many great poets have attempted to describe this beautiful pure and spontaneous natural pleasure. Gerard Manley Hopkins called it Shivelight and wrote about…”the lances of sunlight that pierce the canopy of a wood.”
CS Lewis wrote…”Any patch of sunlight in a wood will show you something about the sun which you could never get from reading books on astronomy.”
I agree.
And as wonderful as it is to see this in real life, it also exists in my head. Just by closing my eyes and taking a step back from the 100 miles an hour daily life, I can be anywhere and see anything that I like.
Now take a moment. Close your eyes. Breath. And discover what you can find.
I didn’t expect to be talking to my 9 year old son about the first law of thermodynamics on a Friday night as I was driving him home from his football practice. My prior thoughts were to get him into his pajamas, tuck him into bed and pour myself a beer while I binge watch Search Party. But he asked about dying, so…
Apparently, he has been struggling to get to sleep over the past few nights worrying about dying. Him dying, his brother dying, me and his mum dying. He was asking about the people in his life who have died. The car fell silent for a moment as I gathered my thoughts for some sort of an answer. An explanation about what he should know and how it could ease his worried little head.
‘The first law of thermodynamics!’ I blurted out as I drove through the dark Scarborough streets.
I went in to explain that, although I don’t believe in an afterlife or a heaven as such, I do believe that our energy continues after we die. I quoted the physicist Aaron Freeman to my son, who stated…
“You want a physicist to speak at your funeral. They can explain to your family that no energy is created and none is destroyed. They can tell your mother that all your energy, every vibration, every Btu of heat, every wave of every particle that was her beloved child remains with her in this world. The energy that flows through our bodies does not disappear, but is simply rearranged.”
Ok, I can’t tell my son that loved ones who die become the little bird that sits on our garden fence each morning, but I can tell him that their energy is as strong as when they was alive. In the first law of thermodynamics, energy does not go anywhere, even if a physical form does.
And this is why our energy is so powerful, right? I mean, the energy, the vibes that we put out into the universe, whether positive or negative, will remain long after our physical self is gone. That’s why a smile, a good deed, a positive affirmation or an act of kindness to yourself or others works so powerfully. This energy can change lives, even when our physical form is not around.
‘We only live once’ is a saying that we’ve all heard a million times before. Well, the body that you are in will only live once and it is important to treat that body with the love and respect that it deserves. I make many decisions based on this. I want to take my physical self to new experiences and push it to new levels whether in the gym or in learning new things. The body and the mind need to be exposed to exciting new challenges.
My energy won’t grow or multiply by achieving different things in this physical form. The first law of thermodynamics tells me that. But I might just be able to leave behind some positive energy. Forever.
Never Give Up PT 