mindset – Page 3 – Never Give Up PT

The Forest

I get time to think when I’m ‘cleaning’ the forest. The cleaning has to be done. Take away the building plots and we have around 19,000 square metres of pine forest. In Portugal this is a tinderbox. A thoroughly cleaned forest will limit the chance of any wildfire and this week with the weather a little cooler is the time to do it. We moved into the property in January so we have missed out on a full winter to clean and, as first timers to these shenanigans, we have felt the pressure.

My sleepless nights had me wondering if I should brush cut the whole land and then rake the loose wood, heather etc at the end, or should I brush cut a bit and then collect little piles from time to time. Should I rake the cut pieces into piles or collect lots of the forest onto a tarpaulin to drag roadside for the tractor to collect? Maybe I could use the cart to bundle as much forest into it and then wheel it to the roadside?

My first day with the brush cutter. All the gear, no idea.

Today my method was the tarp. And it got me thinking, is this the best method? I dunno, I didn’t have an answer. It just felt like today it was.

I’m not unfamiliar with that question. “What is the best method?”

It is one of the most frequently asked questions given to me as a Personal Trainer. The best method for weight loss, the best method for muscle build, the best method for a certain injury.

I have answers, but there isn’t a defining one answer to give for each question. It’s a little bit more complicated than that and that’s why a good PT needs to charge what they do. Anybody can shout at someone and tell them to give them 50 pushups or run 5 miles. But a good PT will not only find the right method for you, but will adapt each day to fit your own personal needs.

Forest clearing, as I’ve discovered, is quite the same.

The forest has a goal. It doesn’t want to set on fire. My aforementioned methods of forest cleaning are all relevant, but I must not allow myself to become bogged down by which one is the best way just yet. After all, I’ve just met the forest. It has some wide, open spaces but some areas are dense with pine trees and woodland. Some areas are flat, some tiered and some sloped. Other characteristics of the forest are rocky, wet, dry, microclimatic, tall trees, short trees, fallen trees, sensitive areas due to wildlife and coloured with beautiful wild flowers.

Every square metre must be dealt with differently depending on these above characteristics but also on the weather, my mood, time and how strong my back feels at the time (it’s very physically demanding and if I put my back out then the forest won’t get cleaned at all).

But to know of any kind of method at all it is important to point out that I asked questions. I asked locals who had experience in dealing with this sort of land. The forest has an important goal. If I pretended to be Billy Big Bollocks who thinks he knows it all, the forest wouldn’t reach its goals and that has serious consequences.

People that I have worked with in the gym all had goals that they wanted to reach. And, just like the forest, us humans have complexities that cannot be dealt with by a ‘one size fits all’ method. We must approach our goals with an open mind and experience a variety of emotions, movements and outcomes to know what is best for us and our individual goals.

So I am convinced that structuring our lives around a healthy lifestyle with gym/fitness goals actually enables us to make better decisions in other aspects of life such as decision making and planning.

And the forest has just given me an example of that within my own life.

A part of the forest from the AL rental accommodation

Waterfall

‘There is a hidden message in every waterfall. It says if you are flexible, falling will not hurt you.’ Mehmet Murat Ildan.

As a child and then into my adult life I often felt a sadness that I could not explain. It was deep rooted, as if nothing could ever make me feel settled or comfortable within myself. I longed for something to truly make me happy.

The Portuguese have a term for this which is ‘saudade’. There is no direct translation into English for this word.

But I must explain more clearly. I have had some wonderful experiences in my life. Some things that have given me great memories that I will treasure. My childhood home was a stable, happy home. My early adult life had its turbulence, I suppose, like for most young people but I kept jobs, got promotions, had healthy relationships, studied and learnt new things. As I got older I met my future wife, became a father, bought and sold houses and began new career ventures. And now we live in Portugal with the hope of a bright, exciting future. All of these things have helped me to be happy. But, especially in my earlier life, that sadness in the pit of my core would not vanish completely. It was like a whoosh of anxiety that really felt like a black cloud hanging over me.

In recent years I have discovered ways to help me feel differently. To take away those anxieties.

Exercise and weight training became my release. Damaging muscle fibres in order for them to regenerate was a whole lot better way of self harm than that which had run through my youthful self. And that’s what it felt like. I wanted to punish myself and my body. There were times that I was disgusted at looking at myself in the mirror. Lifting something heavy several times and feeling pain gave me some sort of release.

Then, in later life, as well as keeping an exercise training routine (but a much more positive one these days), I began to meditate. This has enabled me to control my breathing from the core and, knowing that this is where the whooshy anxiety comes from, really helps me to address it from deep within.

Staring At The Waterfall

There’s this image that I had, and seemingly many other people have, that meditation is about sitting cross legged, eyes closed and hands in a certain pose. It is often associated with Buddhism or other religious practices. And there is also this perception of meditation being done in a dark quiet room, perhaps accompanied with chimes or flute music.

Whilst all of these can be done during meditating, it is certainly not my usual go-to style. Today, I stood by a waterfall. I was with my family, so the kids were their usual rowdy selves. It didn’t deter me. For a few moments, I was mesmerized by the sight, sounds and the smells of this waterfall. Every drop of water danced differently to the next. Each sound I captured went from a trickle to a splash. The smell felt fresh, sometimes the scent of a sandy beach caught my attention.

I said that I was mesmorized for a few moments. The truth is it could’ve been just ten seconds or it could have been minutes. I’m not sure. But I soon became aware of the kids strangling each other so I sorted that little issue out before taking a few pictures!

Over the past few years as I have pursued this journey of self enlightenment I have learnt one big lesson. I need to be flexible in nurturing my emotions. Sometimes I trickle. Sometimes I splash. There’s no right or wrong way.

I now know that this deep rooted sadness cannot harm me. I can live for the moment, whether I’m trickling or splashing, and be grateful and happy with my life.

Today I felt like I was the waterfall. And we could argue on whether or not looking at a waterfall is actually meditation, but my conclusion would be that if you have to think about this then you are losing the magic of the moment. Call it what you like. As long as we can take a moment to realise the beauty in something that we might otherwise take for granted. A singing bird. The rustling of a tree. Or a waterfall.

I’ve discovered that it is not what I look at that matters, it is what I see (or hear, touch and smell). I can look at a waterfall that I pass most days, but what I see when I actually take that moment is a work of beauty, history, a creation that tells me a story. It speaks to me.

So my flexibility of thought has enabled me to see, not just look. And maybe I will pass this waterfall a dozen times again and look at it, but I know that when I need to, I will actually see it.

This is what keeps my anxiety away.

A Bitoque Break

Not so long ago I would have run a mile from two carby items on my lunch plate. It can make me feel ‘heavy’ for the afternoon, sleepy even. But then I was introduced to rice and chips. Oh, and siestas.

Rice, chips, a slab of meat of either pork, turkey or beef with a fried egg on top and a side salad is called a Bitoque in Portugal. It is insanely nice!

Lou and I felt that we needed a few hours away from the house this afternoon. Since the builders left on Friday we have been trying to reshuffle our home and our lives back to how we want it. A lovely plant in place of the cement mixer. A thorough clean and mop up of the dust that has gathered. Stuff like that.

But today we were tired. The temperature has rarely gone below 25° until evening, when it hovers around 13°, for the past seven days. This has added to our bouts of lethargy.

With the kids at school we decided to take a stroll along the Ribeira Grande river and visit our favourite cafe, Ponte Romana. Not only do they serve the best Bitoque in town, but the location and the views are amazing. And just the tonic today.

Tomorrow we will feel refreshed and focused to go again. After all, there’s plenty to do. But we mentioned today that we can’t take moments like this for granted. Just a meal together, away from the work, kids and business talk, can make a big difference. And it is important to remember the simple things that keep our spirit up.

Even if it is a bit carb heavy!

Duolingo

Firstly I’d like to apologise. I haven’t been posting as much in the last week or so and there are a number of reasons.

It’s quite hectic at the moment with building work deadlines on our property and it is the school holidays too. Having a sit down and a moment to myself has been rare, but when I do I often look past my phone screen to admire the views. However, my phone is never too far away and when I’m using it I’m trying to get back into using the Duolingo language learning app.

Back in the UK I would use this app for at least 30 minutes a day and it really helped with my Portuguese language. Duolingo, though, only teaches Brazilian Portuguese. It didn’t deter me. First of all the app is free with ads and I find it the most engaging of language learning apps. I’ve tried plenty. It’s only when I arrived in Portugal and people would correct my accent and grammar that I decided that continuing with the Brazilian format wasn’t helpful to me.

But I’ve felt the need to start again. The main reason for this is I now understand when someone is speaking in Brazilian or European Portuguese and, therefore, become much more adaptable in my own verbal communication. It was 5 months yesterday that we landed on Portuguese soil and the locals in this central part of the country don’t speak any English. That has helped me in learning European Portuguese quickly. After all, language is developed through a need for us humans to survive.

So seeing as I can now differentiate between the two types of Portuguese I don’t feel that the Duolingo app will be an issue.

It is a bit like American English and British. Diaper and nappy, trash and bin. It’s different, but still easily understood. I mean, I lived in the north east of England for a few years and struggled to understand the local phrases much more than when I’ve spoken to an American!

So there we go. I’ve finished my coffee and the sun is going down. I’ve had my 20 minutes peace and I’d best get back to the family. I didn’t get to do Duolingo this time, but I’m glad I checked in with you all.

Cuidad.

The Sum Of The Parts

It is the age old question in the gym in regards to what is the best type of training for weight management or, as is commonly known as, fat loss.

“Should I use weights?”

“Do I join a high intensity class or go on treadmills?”

“Is it high reps or low reps?”

These sorts of questions are the most frequently asked to a Personal Trainer in a commercial gym.

The correct answer, of course, is never that simple. Every individual is different, yes, but generally all of the above are perfectly fine ways to manage weight for the average adult.

To elaborate on these answers I could also suggest going for long, frequent walks, preparing your meals and counting calories for a short period of time or taking the stairs instead of the elevator. (That last suggestion isn’t meant to sound flippant or facetious. It is my attempt to encourage a more active outlook in one’s daily routine and we often miss these opportunities in order to get somewhere quicker or for convenience.)

So when we break it all down into these different training techniques, ways of moving and positive lifestyle changes we get the bigger picture. One which promotes weight management. And as long as these can be incorporated there will be success in one’s fitness journey.

But it all starts with a spark or a thought that leads us onto actually adopting these positive things into our lives. And if you have read this article up to now, I am assuming that you have already begun the thought process.

Indian philanthropist and businessman Pankaj Patel once said,”It is the sum of the parts that make up the whole. So excellence comes from how one undertakes to do something. It all begins with the thought process which is creative and exalted to produce something out of the ordinary.”

To make up the whole, it is said, you need all the little components to complete it. The thought process, or the planning, is a vital component.

In regards to a weight management journey, the whole needs planning, but this planning must include all the factors that I have spoken about. Frequent walks are just as important as making It into the gym. Why? Because it is an important part of the sum that creates the whole. Many people have found their motivation, inspiration, their plans, their passions and indeed themselves on a long walk. It cannot be underestimated. It’s also a great exercise.

There are no magical processes that can guarantee weight management (whatever you want to manage it to be). But there are a number of methods that, when put together, can give you the best opportunities. Many of them I’ve listed above.

I will often give my clients a little bit of homework. I ask them to write down four or five ways in which they can achieve their realistic body weight target. And when they have actually thought about it, they come back to me with the answers I have listed above. This is because we are not reinventing the wheel here, as many influencers would have you believe, we are simply adding simple methods to your life and tweaking things that need a bit of change.

It is the sum of the parts that you already have at your disposal. And when you use them correctly, you begin to have access to the whole.

Shay is a personal trainer, CBT therapist, meditation guide and owner of Pinheiros Tranquilos Bem Estar in central Portugal.

Chapter 5

Some books have chapters that are just a page or two long. Others can be twelve or more. But generally, with the more contemporary styles, we see chapters at around five pages. This advice is what many novice writers are given as a guide and it equates to about 5-6 thousand words.

I like that there are no set rules to the size of a chapter in a book. I’m not good with rules. Of course, I’m not a total anarchist. I follow most rules. I would, for example, respectfully follow the rule that I had to wear a gym shirt belonging to the commercial gym that I trained at even though I didn’t work for them. A silly rule, I thought, but I towed the line.

I stick to speed limits on the road, I pay my bills on time and I push the toothpaste out from the bottom of the tube. Ok. That last one is my wife’s rule and it’s an important one.

And then there’s the GNR. That is the name of the Portuguese police. If they pull you over in the car or stop you in the street you must have your documents on hand to prove that you are able to be in the country. They can be quite intimidating. Their uniform is much more military and their role isn’t the same as the police in the UK. You won’t see the GNR dancing at a street parade or being questioned by a youtuber calling themselves an ‘auditor’. If they want to see my documents, it is not the time for me to start questioning their rules. I know the punishment for questioning where I squeeze the tube of toothpaste from, I dread to think of what the consequences are for arguing with the GNR.

But if I were to write a book about my journey over the past year, I would make the chapters short, snappy and to the point. That would be my rule. The law, in fact. For example, if I were writing the chapter on my current situation, it would read something like…

“The builders came, renovated the guest house and left.”

There. Chapter done. Move on. Otherwise it becomes boring and tedious.

But this chapter is never ending, it seems. I’d like it to be over so that I can continue with my story. The novel ‘The Passenger’ has a chapter that weighs in at a mighty 62 pages. This arrives at chapter 5 in the book.

Maybe my life is a chapter 5. Sure, I feel like a passenger as I eagerly wait to begin renting out the guest house and promoting my fitness events. This anxiety compounded in the knowledge that I need to start making an income very soon. Chapter 5 has become extremely costly.

If this story continues similarly to the careful planning that was undertaken long before pen was put to paper, then I know that this chapter isn’t forever. It’s a means to an end. Every story must knit together to make any sense. Perhaps a lengthy chapter is often a middle bit that is necessary in creating the beginning, middle and the end. It is a summary of how the story began and the direction in which it will end. Therefore, my chapter 5 must be a vital component in the whole telling of the story.

But I’m becoming impatient.

My one rule break right now would be to create a story with one page chapters. At least to get to the exciting bits. I have so much to be grateful for and my blogs, had they acted as chapters of a book, kind of tell the story of my journey to my readers so far. But this chapter seems different. This is the part of the story that either makes or breaks the leading character.

Chapter 5 is a long road which has to be accepted as part of the journey (or story) for a complete ending to be written. Without chapter 5, we wouldn’t know the ending. So what’s the point in any journey (or story) if we can’t endure a chapter 5?

I have met many people on their own personal journeys who seem to call on me when they get to their very own chapter 5. They feel a bit stuck. Like, they know where they wanna be but can’t find a way out to the other side. And as I tell them, exactly as I tell myself, it is quite normal. Sometimes we all feel like a passenger when we want to be the one in control. Chapter 5, as long assed as it might be, leads only to a new chapter as long as we keep on reading. And we keep reading because we know the ending can be good. Not just good but life changing.

But being the main character feels different from the observer looking on. It’s like when we scream at the TV screen to the character being chased in a horror movie. We give them sensible, logical answers for the character to escape. But the character, in their emotional state, never thinks straight. Decisions solely based on emotion can sometimes lead to poor judgement. As Alfred Adler said, “Follow your heart, but take your brain with you.”

Now is a good time to remember that quote as I drudge through chapter 5.

If you feel like you’re stuck in chapter 5, ask yourself how you can develop your story for the next chapter. If you can create a positive narrative to it, the ending of your story could be a real page turner with a great ending. You’re the author. Chapter 5 doesn’t have to last forever.

I’m Just A Beginner

I will never truly know the forest, but I get the feeling as I walk through it, that it knows me already.

I aim to wander through this dream every morning. I call it a dream because it reminds me of a quote by Turkish novelist Memet Murat Ildan when he stated that “You can walk in a dream while you are awake. Just walk in the misty morning of a forest.”

And also before I have two cups of coffee I am hardly classed as awake, so one could argue that I am still slumbering through my morning walk.

I see something different with every walk. Most of the time I’m not even walking. I stop, listen, look up at the tallest pine trees and breath. The deeper into the forest I go I can lose my mind and find my soul.

But I am mindful that I am entering nature’s home. I bought the land but I am only a guest. I’ve already had snakes slither across my path with no harm to them or me. I’m sure I can come up with a similar understanding with the wild boars. It might seem naive, but I’m learning to become a part of my new environment.

I carry with me a long stick. I was advised by the locals in my Portuguese village that if I walk in the woods I should do so with a long stick. Apparently the wild boars, which come out at dusk and can charge if they feel threatened, make their dens in the forest. I don’t know what to do with the stick if I were to be confronted with a wild boar. Duolingo never taught me how to say “What the fuck do I do with this?” in Portuguese.

My aim is to wake up willing to be a beginner every single morning. Like I say, I will never truly know the forest. But if I enter it with the wide eyed care and attention that it deserves then I can make new discoveries each day.

I’m just a beginner at everything. Even stuff I’m qualified in. I’m a personal trainer but every visit to the gym is another chance to learn. I can’t possibly know it all.

At the moment the forest is my gym. Another day to grow, learn and become a part of something special.

Clear The Cache

After some problems in getting our Fire stick to work on the TV, I found that I could clear the cache of each application and it worked much faster.

Cache. What exactly is it?!

Well, in computing terms, it is a temporary data storage location that automatically stores data to reduce retrieval time.

And there I found a connection. Not only could it be used in computing terms, but in my own head.

You see, the data that is stored is not necessarily all useful information. Just like on my Fire stick, it can cause broken links and a lack of proper formatting, causing my browsing and viewing experience to be slow and glitchy.

Over the past few weeks my head has been gathering a lot of data, similar to the fire stick, and it needed a clear out.

This brain cache will be back, I’m sure, but without regular clear outs it will become more difficult to function and keep a focussed mind. I will become glitchy.

Do you feel that you need to clear the cache sometimes? What do you do as your preferred method?

Clearing the brain cache is not a one size fits all answer. My suggestions are to go on a long walk, go to the gym, talk to a friend or partner, sleep or in my case this morning I meditated.

There was no filming today. I had answered all of the builders questions. I took the kids to school. It was raining heavily therefore working on the land was out of the question. So I took two hours away from everything and I meditated.

Sure, I could have found something to do. But that would have been my useless cache data telling me to descale the toilet or iron my undies. No, I thought, I need some time to clear my head.

Today has gone a little smoother. Or, at least, dealt with much better now that I am thinking clearer, so it seems to have worked.

Let me know how you like to clear your brain cache. There are no wrong answers. Just the right ones that work for you.

Until next time, my friends.

Eight

Writer Walter Elliot once wrote, “Perseverance is not a long race. It is many short races one after the other.”

I have said this many times during my personal training and therapy sessions, but I needed to remind myself of this today when I discovered a startling statistic held by my family and I.

Since October we have lived and slept in eight different houses, caravans, apartments and hotels without having a permanent home.

These include a caravan in Filey, a hotel in Manchester, a house in Malton, a house in Leeds, an apartment in Porto, an apartment in Palhais (Portugal), an apartment in Coimbra (Portugal) and an apartment in Sertá (Portugal.)

And with a VISA appointment due later this month that takes two days, we will be staying overnight in Leria. Thanks for that 52%. Hopefully your Sunlit Uplands are going well for you.

To be honest, I’m absolutely sick of traveling and living out of a suitcase. Tomorrow night, for the first time in 5 months, we will be staying in our own home.

Lou and I have been concerned about how the boys will cope but they have, for the most part, been absolutely brilliant. Micro managing this part of parenting has been extremely difficult though. After all, we would not have continued with this journey if the boys had not been fully in agreement with it too.

We, as a family, had to persevere. From caravan to house to apartment and hotel room. Each one a short race of its own. But that’s all each one was. A short race.

So what’s my point?

This is important to remember. You have a goal to reach. But so many goals are abandoned because we see it as a long race. Eventually, a long race can become demoralising, tedious and unobtainable. Simply put, you need to break it down into smaller tasks that can be achieved before moving onto the next task.

In effect, I have used the SMART method of achieving the end goal. I have spoken about the effectiveness of SMART before.

S… Be Specific with numbers and deadlines.

M…Be sure that the goal is Measurable and trackable.

A…make the goal attainable, challenging and possible.

R…be Realistic and honest with yourself.

T…remain Time-Bound and stick to deadlines.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve questioned every letter of this acronym in the past 14 months. That’s natural. But I have never doubted the process. I am always able to reason with it eventually.

This has never been a long race. It has always been lots of short races that need to be tackled one at a time. Hopefully, that makes me smart.

Making It Official

0700 I’m making the kid’s breakfast. The meeting in Vila de Rei at 10 this morning is on my mind. This is when we officially make the house ours, meet the current owners and exchange the deeds. There’s a lot of money on this and it’s a life changer. Soon, we’ll be home owners in Portugal.

0840 sitting on the balcony of the rented apartment waiting for our 9:15 lift from the estate agents. The view is of a typical town street in Sertá. It serves me some thinking time. Some reflection on our journey so far. Blimey. This time last year we were trying to find out what VISA we needed to live in Portugal! Now we’re here. Its real!

1233 the house is officially ours! The meeting was long and in Portuguese (of course) so it was an odd experience when you’re handing over a lot of cash! However, my language learning has paid off and we stumbled across the finish line.

Officially Knackered

Since the end of 2022 we have been slowly creating a pathway to our new life in Portugal. The hours that have accumulated into days of house searching online (plus two visits) have led us to this point where we can actually say that we have our home and business in Portugal.

But it has also meant taking away the bricks that have been safely built back in England. I gave up my PT business. Lou gave up her treatment room. We took our children out of a wonderful school and we sold our home in Scarborough. We tested our marriage and our mental health and, most terrifyingly, our children’s well being. After all, they are at an age where they had begun to make good friends and they knew adults such as teachers and grandparents who they could rely on and feel safe with. And now the four of us have to start again. Building up relationships, businesses and our home.

Lou and I are officially knackered. I’ve often said that social media can give the wrong impression of events. Recently I’ve shared pictures of myself sitting on the balcony sipping wine, but I didn’t post a picture of me and my wife having a meltdown when our UK house sale fell through.

On Instagram I have posted videos of the wonderful scenery of the local area, but I didn’t post videos of Jonas crying himself to sleep when he was scared of missing his UK friends.

And, on this blog, I have posted a picture of Lou and I holding up the keys to our new home and business. What I won’t post is the picture of us looking over our finances trying to figure out how to get enough clients to pay for it.

So, for all that I can honestly say that we are happy with what we have achieved so far, it’s been a long journey with much further to go before we can really begin to take a step back and fully enjoy it.

But for now, one step at a time, the house is ours.