mindset – Page 19 – Never Give Up PT

Wise Human?

I’ve been glued to a book recently called Sapiens, A Brief History of Humankind. Human nature has always interested me, so to read a book that was as informative as this detailing our ancestor’s habits had me gripped.

One thing that strikes me as I read about our Homo Sapien ancestry is that we haven’t developed quite as much as we think we have. A couple of million years ago we developed new ways to communicate, to travel, to hunt, educate and pray. Much like we are doing now. We still fight diseases and find ways to ‘cure’ our illness from viruses. Our ancestors were doing that back then, though I don’t think that lockdowns or masks were ever a thing.

And one part of our make up that is still very much the same is our need to be physically and mentally active. The only difference is that our ancestors HAD to be physically and mentally active. They had to hunt for food. They had to run from danger. They had to fight to protect tribes and land. If they didn’t, they wouldn’t survive. But they had to do that. Now, today, we have a choice. But the fact is that our human bodies need to do it, whether we choose to do it or not is a different matter.

We thrive both physically and mentally when we are active. And when we train, our best results come from moving in a very similar way to how we would have moved millions of years ago. Lifting, squatting, pushing, pulling, running, walking, swimming, climbing, throwing are all the things that we have been doing for years and years. We have become very good at it. So good that we build arenas so that we could watch others perform them. But it wasn’t just kept to a select few people who we could watch, buildings were created so that we could fill them with equipment and apparatus that everybody could use.

Yet as these buildings were being build for our convenience, another type of convenience was becoming very popular. What started out as hunters or farmers catching or growing food and selling it in their villages has turned into shops, restaurants, supermarkets, fast food chains, takeaway’s and UBER. We literally don’t need to leave our house to find food. Our brain, unless we are in the small percentage of people in poverty in the western world, don’t fear hunger or worry about our next meal. We can click our fingers and it will arrive on our doorstep. Our instinct to grow, fight, hunt and kill our food has been lost. Not such a bad thing, I hear you say. And you’re right to some extent, but in the UK I am sold beef from New Zealand, strawberry’s from Egypt and bacon from Denmark. I don’t want to see cavemen carrying an axe and chasing a boar down my street, but nor do I want my food to travel across the world to reach my plate. At least our ancestors kept it local.

Because of our desires to have our convenience, we become impatient. In the gym there are ladies who want Beyonce’s ass or men wanting Tom Hardy’s pecs with no thought about genetics, a plan or a time scale to when this might actually happen. They just want it now. But UBER might do just about everything for us, they’ll even take us to the gym, but they won’t get us what we want. That takes discipline, dedication and knowledge. I doubt our ancestors could make a spear and throw it 100 yards with perfect precision first time either, but they had to become disciplined, dedicated and knowledgeable or they wouldn’t have survived.

In the UK we have some of the highest numbers of obesity and depression in the western world. Convenience foods, fat burn pills, diet fads and the celebrity culture all contribute to it. We are overwhelmed with it. So as much as we have advanced as people from a million years ago, we still can’t get to grips with who or what we are. We put fire crackers up our arse when our gladiators reach a final. We have operations or do restrictive diets because that’s what a Love Island contestant does. But we are very willing to abuse them on social media if they fuck up. The equivalent of Cesar giving the thumbs down in Ancient Rome. It was a brutal society then, it’s a brutal society now. We call ourselves Homo Sapiens, meaning ‘wise human’. We’ve still got work to do on that one.

So for all of our advances in this world, we need to keep learning and reflecting. As a society absolutely, but also individually. We don’t need to access the negative convenience that we do quite so much. An Anti vaxer/pro vaxer pisses you off on Facebook? Log off. A cold beer in the fridge? Drink a pint of water. And if there’s a takeaway on your route home today, drive straight past, go to the gym and run like a sabre toothed tiger is chasing you.

The Man In The Mirror

Without sounding vain a part of my gym goals is to look good. I don’t particularly want to look good to anybody else except the guy in the mirror who keeps looking at me with an unimpressed look upon his face. I don’t think I’ll ever really please him. Some days he’ll give the thumbs up, but more often than not he’ll tell me that I look like a sack of shit.

I know that I don’t really. I know that if I follow the science, the methods that work and my knowledge on training in health and fitness then I’m doing pretty well. But that fellow in the mirror tries to derail me. He tries to get me to sack off dry January, order another takeaway, abandon any sort of discipline and watch Loose Women instead of going to the gym to train.

Those who see me in the gym don’t realize that I have a very unfriendly face ready to frown at me as I get home to look in the mirror. They see the PT. The go to trainer with a few tips and tricks to show the gym members. The motivator. I’m good at what I do so I can pretty much PT myself. I AM the PT and the motivator to lots of people and I’m all of that to myself too with great success. No matter what HIM in the mirror says. I’ve got him under control. He doesn’t control me anymore.

But for years he did control me. I guess, without ever being diagnosed, you could call it body dismorphia.

I was never bothered about going thin on top as a young man. I couldn’t control that so it just never affected me. I love a shaved head now! Even if I was given hair tomorrow I’d probably go for the exact same style as I have it now. But what has always troubled me is the stuff I can control. If I am in charge of it, then I want to do something about it. I can control my weight and my body composition. Genetic factors play a part in my body composition but on the whole, by far, I get to be in control.

And it’s this fixation on this control that became my saviour. I was in a dark place before I started to dedicate my time to the gym around 22 years ago. Exercise saved me. But this fixation also brought about my buddy in the mirror. He was probably always there, I’d just never noticed. But his nastiness got out of hand when I were in my 20’s. Now he has calmed down a lot. He’s actually much kinder than he used to be. Maybe he listens to my wife like me and knows that what she says goes! And she thinks I’m a catch.

My first words to those who train with me is ‘you’ve got to love yourself first, whatever you want to change, you must realise that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you and there’s nothing wrong with wanting change either.’

This is imperative, I believe, to achieve whatever you want to achieve. You too might have your mirror friend looking down at you occasionally, but YOU are in control and not them. Smile at them. They smile back.

Be. In. Control.

Milo of Croton

It rolls off of my tongue quite often and far too easily when I am talking to someone and I say ‘the fitness industry is changing all the time’. What I would rather say if I or the gym member had the time for me to explain is that food manufacturers, gym companies, diet book writers, personal trainers and gym members is what’s changing. The fitness industry, in its purest form of exercising for fun, mental health, to lose weight or gain weight, health or aesthetics and sports remains the same.

The ‘industry’ doesn’t actually exist. It has been created by humans who could make a few quid. The industry has to change because it has a new fad diet to put into a book to sell this year. The industry has to change because a fancy looking ab machine will keep it’s paying members happy as they search for their 6 pack. But ‘fitness’. Fitness is where we need to begin.

In fact I’ll begin in 600 BC. The Greek athlete Milo of Croton might be a story that you have heard of. To train he would run with a small calf on his back every day. The calf grew and due to Milo carrying it every day, he did too. I’ve spoken about the progressive overload before. We need to keep adapting as we get faster and stronger. Recently I spoke to a window cleaner who scoffed at the idea of exercise. He stated that he exercises enough because he is up and down ladders all day. But he won’t be getting any fitter. He has been repeating the same process for 20 years. And as he ages this will become more and more difficult which means continuing his job until retirement is highly unlikely.

Milo carried the calf until it became a bull. He was a champion athlete who we talk about, write about, make statues of him and paintings of him. The thing about fitness or indeed this story is that we don’t need to focus on carrying a bull, but the principles are the same… whatever your goals. So you reach a peak? Great, how should you adapt it so that you’re able to go again? Maybe not just think about the weight of the bull, but how often you carry it or how far you run. There are many variables, but one thing is for certain, the principles have never changed.

The industry, however, want it to change. We’re told, because it’s in a gym and included in fad workouts, that ab machines help us to achieve a 6 pack. A 6 pack requires a very low body fat percentage. If the gym thought that they were that useful it would have more of them in their gym all lined up and people with abs of steal sitting on them. How many ab machines does your gym have? And how many treadmills, barbells, dumbbells and benches does it have? There you go! But selling the idea of getting abs is more profitable than running on a treadmill or deadlifting a barbell. It has to give us new sexy concepts to keep us going back and paying our membership. Like a new diet or miracle pill. It wants us to chase the dream.

Yet when you bring it back to the basics, fitness is pretty straightforward. If you stop listening to the bull and start carrying it, you can reach your dreams without forever chasing them.

A Few Tips…

I can spot a new member of the gym. Often coming in pairs, clutching a towel and their water bottle tightly and whispering to each other ‘what shall we do first?’

An example of somebody knowing what they’re doing.

We’ve all been there. And I have massive respect to those that make that huge step. And for some people it is a huge step. Gyms can be a daunting place. So I have put together some ideas of things that might help you in your first few visits.

* Plan at least your first exercise. The first 5 or 10 minutes are the worst. You walk into the gym and you feel like all eyes are on you. Confidently walk up to your planned exercise and go for it. Once you get to your second exercise the nerves have gone.

* Try out a few moves before you get to the gym. If you are following a programme there will be stuff on there that you can do in the comfort of your own home. If you lose balance or feel silly then nobody will ever know. Keep practicing those that you can do at home for when you take them to the gym.

* Ask somebody who knows. I’m going to be brutal here because I don’t believe that just because they have a ‘Trainer’ top or a PT shirt on that they know what they are doing. If you see them cleaning the equipment more than using it, then ask them how to get your mirrors clean at home, not how to squat. Gyms like to employ people who will work for a set hourly rate or for nothing at all and in all honesty if my car breaks down I won’t start opening the bonnet myself to try and fix it nor will I ask the apprentice in the garage who is making the teas how to fix it, I’ll ask the mechanic. You can spot a trainer or a gym member who knows what they are doing a mile away and they’re usually approachable.

* Keep going back. It becomes less daunting and more enjoyable when you get chatting to a few people and the results start to come. So don’t let the first or second nervy visits put you off. It’s your time to shine!

Waiting and Waiting on the Sidelines.

I’ve just managed to persuade my 8 year old to join in his friend’s birthday party after 30 minutes. It’s a football party and he loves football. He doesn’t just live and breath football (as well as Fortnite) but he is actually very good at it. At a trial for Leeds United he just froze. The daunting prospect of exhibiting his skills in front of coaches and the other kids he didn’t know got the better of him. There’ll be other opportunities. Like I say, he’s pretty good.

But since lockdown this confident little boy has gone into his shell. A throat clearing tic started during the third lockdown and got more regular and louder as school approached. School was very good and understanding and, although the nervousness of going to school has stopped, events out of his comfort zone are still there. I’ve just witnessed it. A lot of confidence has come back, but the constant breaks from normality such as the Christmas holidays takes him time to settle again.

I totally get it. People see me as this confident person entering the gym. I wear a PT top with my logo or the gym colours. I know what I’m doing. I love being there and I enjoy meeting my trainees for their next challenge. Most of the time I feel in control. But I sometimes feel like my little boy. I know exactly what he’s thinking as he is waiting on the sidelines. ‘What if they don’t like me?’ ‘What if I do something wrong and I get laughed at?’ ‘What if I’m rubbish today and don’t help my team?’

At 43 with plenty of reflective moments to look back on I know that none of this will happen in the gym or anywhere else that my anxiety tries to hold me back on. I’ve developed a thick skin too so even if it does, fuck it. But my lad is still fighting these anxieties and might do into adulthood, it’s not uncommon.

At his age I got around this by being the Joker. That hasn’t changed actually. Even now an awkward moment can always be fixed with a joke. That’s what I do to this day. I was called disruptive back when I was a kid because trying to make somebody laugh was my weapon. I remember meeting my wife’s dad for the first time I told more jokes that night than a Jimmy Carr gig. Probably just as inappropriate too. He laughed and still does now. So I keep telling them! He likes me!

Getting out of bed and leaving the house might mean putting on your ‘mask’ sometimes. We all do it to an extent. Some masks slip. That’s fine too. I’m envious of those who can firmly fix their mask to their face for the whole day. But as long as you take a deep breath and go again then you’re doing well. I’m proud of my boy for doing what he did today. He didn’t feel comfortable right at that moment to join in, so why should he? He waited until it was right for him.

We’re all learning and developing at any age. And my son has just helped me learn a little bit more.

The Ability To Thrive

There is this test done on fleas in regards to their jumping ability. The common known fact is that they can jump thousands of times higher than their own height. That means that they can jump out of a jam jar with ease. But put the lid on the jar and eventually they will stop trying. Over time, they learn to live within their environment. Even with the lid off, they won’t or can’t jump out. They’ve been conditioned.

Imagining my next big jump (without the lid on)

Humans do that too. We put our own jam jar lid on our ability to thrive outside of our environment we become accustomed to. Fleas don’t like it nor dislike it. They, like us, just live with it. We don’t know any different.

But there are those who break the mould. I personally know people who do. I’ve trained them or I’ve lived with them or I’ve being friends with them. They’ve all had one thing in common and that is their refusal to accept somebody (or themselves) to tell them that they can’t do it.

As a kid my limits seemed to be mapped out for me. Coming from a council estate watching my parents struggle through one redundancy to the next and those who I looked up to for support in my education and extra curricular activities telling me that I wouldn’t amount to much, I was the perfect example of a flea in a jam jar with the lid on.

As an adult I haven’t turned into a Premier League footballer, a multi millionaire, a Love Island contestant, a record breaker or a famous singer. That isn’t what being able to thrive is all about and if that’s what we see as being successful then we’re all screwed…with the lid screwed tightly.

No. The ability to thrive is to create an environment, or a mindset, that says ‘I will not be limited by what I have or what I am told I am.’

Seeing as I’m a Personal Trainer I guess people expect me to be talking about how we thrive in the gym. However, we rarely achieve what we want to in the gym if we aren’t thriving outside of it. So my point is about an individual as a whole. I mean where we live, how we live and treat others and the credit that we give to ourselves and our physical and mental health.

People, or society, will try to put us in the jar and turn the lid. Most people will do this without knowing that they are doing it to you. They don’t mean you any harm. My understanding is that they feel the restrictions bestowed upon them, so don’t know any different. They expect nothing of you because their own expectations are limited on themselves. Putting you in a jar and screwing on the lid soothes their own mind. You are restricted in causing a stir to their own lives.

‘I’m leaving the army. I’m quitting building college. I’m dating a girl outside of my race. I’m leaving my well paid job to retrain and run my own business. I’m leaving this city. I’m leaving the country’, are all actual quotes I’ve told people and it was met with shock, mockery, fear, whispering and funny looks. They didn’t like the changes that I was making because it made THEM feel uncomfortable. It burdened their belief in that I was this person who would drift into the jam jar. I’m not. I wouldn’t.

We all drift sometimes. Coasting seems easy. But at times we need to find the gear and get into our lane and overtake those who hold us back. You won’t even need to speed. Take your time. Some people have almost stopped. Overtaking is easy if you check your mirrors and step on the gas a little.

What Does Weight Loss Actually Mean?

I know that when I go back to the gym in January there will be lots of new members wanting PT for weight loss. That is totally normal. Many people set new year’s resolutions and over Christmas can eat and drink a bit more. They want a fresh start to the year. A good PT won’t hear ‘weight loss’ though. They’ll hear the gym member say “I want to feel fitter, stronger and better about myself.”

What does weight loss actually mean? I assume nobody wants to lose muscle, bone, an arm or leg or any vital organ. All of which would produce a loss of weight to your body. So my bet is that they want to lose fat.

I didn’t become a PT to patronise people by replying ‘weigh yourself in the morning, don’t eat or drink, move more, visit the toilet regularly and there you go. Weigh yourself 24 hours after and you will have lost weight.’ Firstly, sudden drops or gains in weight is probably water weight. And secondly, following this advise is not sustainable. But thirdly, you’d be shocked at how many PT’s give this sort of advise. Pound Shop PT, as I call it.

Weighing yourself is one of the many different ways to keep a check on your progress. Measuring waist, arms, thighs are another way. Taking before pictures is a useful method. Calculating your body fat percentage is another and then the old trusty is trying clothes on that didn’t fit you before. Even when more and more people are asking you ‘have you lost weight?’ can give you an indication on your progress. None of them are 100% accurate though.

By all means have a target weight or measure body parts and wait for your friends to pass compliments. They will work to a point. But I’m talking about the real issues of why we need to elicit a change in the first place. People can get loser of the week at weight watchers and still feel like crap. I know, because after months of yo-yo dieting they quit and come to me to fix their approach to their fitness.

The end of a fitness journey should not be to lose weight. The end, if it exists at all, should be to move, walk, run better. It should be to breath easier and smile more. It should be to look at your reflection and say ‘I am proud of myself’. The lift that you just executed. The run you just did. Getting home after a gym session and saying to yourself ‘I smashed it today’. Walking instead of driving. Kicking a football around with your kids or grandkids. Setting new goals that aren’t gym related (you’re already smashing them remember). Walking into a room and being proud of who you are. These are all what we really mean when we say ‘I want to lose weight’.

Weight loss is just what happens when you start believing in the above mantra. Your body will begin to work with, rather than against you. And most importantly it is a sustainable method that will keep you where you want to be for life.

Never Give Up!

I usually leave the gym disappointed. Yes I’m exhilarated and I’m feeling pumped, but there’s a feeling of defeat too.

The thing is that was my aim. Almost every gym session, I push my body to a point that cannot do anymore. To evolve, grow or transform I know that there has to be a point that the body will react to the need to change. But I leave disappointed regardless thinking I could do one or two more reps, take on a new, higher weight or run faster.

Success is not final, failure is not fatal. It is the courage to continue that counts. Never give up.

I’m not superhuman. I’ve got the generics that I have. I can’t change that. In fact I’m fairly lucky with the genetics I have. But I’m not picking the 50k dumbbells up and chest pressing them just yet. I know that I probably never will. I know that, but my body doesn’t. So I keep pressing. Sometimes more reps, more sets. Sometimes a higher weight. There comes a point though, that no matter how strong we get or how fast we run there will be a number that our physical makeup cannot obtain. Does that stop us from trying?

Hell no!

It should keep us training. Just like I have a weight I will never lift, so do you. So does The Rock. There is a weight out there that Arnold Schwarzenegger couldn’t lift or bench. Did he give up or keep going?

There is a time that Usain Bolt couldn’t sprint in a 100 meters and there is a distance that Mo Farrah couldn’t run. We all, even the Olympians and the champion bodybuilders, have our limits. Sure, records get broken. New techniques, new foods or supplements and equipment or clothing might nudge us closer to superhuman efforts. Even the way that the wind blows can change our results in the day. But even when we achieve a new PB, a new target is set. And so we start again. Days, weeks month and years we try to reach our new goals.

That’s what proper, structured, formulated plans allow us to do. We work through our training schedule with a plan that works. And although we see changes instantly from a gym session whether it be a pump or a feel good factor, it can take years of repeatedly telling your body it WILL run for this distance or it WILL lift for this weight. This might leave you impatient sometimes or disappointed, like when I finish my gym session. But my body is repairing thinking, “if they fuel me and look after me I’ll be back fully prepaired to go even further next time.”

My hundred gym sessions trying have been far more important than the day that I achieved my current goal. It’s those hundred sessions that moulded me into enabling it to happen. Gave me the mindset and created speed, technique, muscle to eventually hit my target.

Whatever your goals are you must appreciate the failures in your attempts to get there. It is these many failures that will make a PB one day. One thing is for certain…never give up.

The Emotional Workout Called Life

I didn’t know it at the time, but when I sent my application to train as a PT it would change my perspective on myself and on my life. As I looked through the prospectus to the course I didn’t see a syllabus dedicated to finding one’s self.

When should I tell him that one day he’ll have daddies hair?

I had to change my career. I have had highs and lows in employed and self employed jobs all of my adult life and I was always ready for the challenge. From supporting adults with autism to restaurant manager, I would fully commit to my work. But I knew that I could never stay somewhere that gave me that ‘sunday night syndrome’. That nauseating feeling that I’d get knowing that it was back to work again the next day. In my mid thirties, I knew I had to do something about it or live with my choices. Searching ‘how to become a PT’ seemed like a good place to start seeing as being in a gym was like a second home anyway.

I felt pretty good about myself when the course instructor told me that I’d passed. Ok, I knew a bit already and had always been interested in the human body so I didn’t struggle in passing. But simply because I did something out of my comfort zone was an achievement to me. The average age in the class were early 20’s. Every day during my course I would ask myself ‘am I too old to become a PT?’ but I convinced myself that I could do some good for a lot of people and, as it turned out, for me too. I had to create an uncomfortable environment for me to eventually become comfortable and that still remains the same when it comes to mindset changes or body transformations. The body won’t change if it is not put in uncomfortable situations. Why would it lose fat or grow muscle if it doesn’t have to?

The gym is one of the only places I can walk into and know instantly how everyone is feeling. I know because every one of their thoughts are what I have experienced in the gym at some time. The insecurity days. The feeling pretty damn good days. The depression days. The fantastic night last night days. The feeling crap in my gym kit days. The feeling like a super hero days. I can’t do that in Aldi. I have no idea how Dave on tills is feeling. Put him next to a bench press and I’d know his PB, his health and fitness goals and his ideal body fat percentage. But also, because of my own journey, I would know if he was having a happy day or a sad day. That none existent syllabus didn’t teach me that. That has become my own intuition from having to rediscover myself and also having to read my trainees mood very quickly. Moods change performance. I have to know their moods.

When I train myself I can put an entire days emotion into one session. I can control the weight. I know how to breath, when to brace and what happens next. That’s why I like doing it. Other aspects of my is not so structured. I know when I’m about to lift a PB deadlift, but I don’t know when my son is going to come home from school with a chipped tooth because another kid punched him. I never went on a course on how to deal with that. I don’t feel in control in that moment. We have to learn on the job in life. Being a good father, husband, son, friend. We strive to be better.

Wanting to change something about yourself for tomorrow doesn’t mean that you are not worthy right now in this moment. Wanting to lose a few pounds doesn’t mean that you aren’t beautiful today. Wanting to be a better person doesn’t mean you aren’t a great person today. That want to change is a fantastic attribute as long as it is a change for yourself and not anybody else. Investing in your own needs isn’t a selfish act. It’s quite the opposite. If you make positive changes to your own life then those around you will reap the rewards too!

I’m still finding myself. It helps that I keep putting myself in uncomfortable situations, whether that be a new business venture or an attempt at a new PB. Small or big, I want to create life goals that are challenging yet realistic. And I don’t expect to find them all in a course prospectus, a YouTube clip or at a squat rack, so I’ll just buckle myself in and enjoy this ride.

Coffee Cream, anyone?

At Christmas our eating and drinking habits often change. I know mine does. I keep my alcohol intake to the weekends these days but at Christmas I do allow a few weekday drinks to creep in. I’ve been known to have an Irish cream on Christmas morning too! (We left it out for Santa and he didn’t want it, so…)

I’ve talked about the ability to train the mind as well as the body before to my trainees and around Christmas time it becomes important to use your mental strength. I know that training less, which I will do, and having a few extra calories won’t destroy what I have achieved throughout the year. You need this mindset to relax at certain times. You’re not quitting your goals and you’re not even putting them on hold. You’re letting your mind and body celebrate it’s achievements for a brief moment before you crack on again. And that’s absolutely fine!

It’s half time. You’re winning. You’re giving yourself a team talk until it’s time to enter the arena again. That’s not letting yourself down. It’s just clever planning and giving your well-being what it needs.

I’m lucky in that I haven’t got a sweet tooth, so the Quality Street tin is safe with me…until Christmas. The annual event of sorting out the coffee creams while watching The 20 Most Embarrassing Celebrity Moments on Boxing night is bound to happen. I have no interest in them at all until Christmas. I start eating things I wouldn’t usually have. Turkey and stuffing flavoured crisps. Pigs in blankets. A festive slice from Gregg’s. And what the heck is advocaat?! It doesn’t matter. It’s Christmas, I’ll drink it.

But I know that I have now got a mindset and a body that is working with me, not against me. I’ve looked after it. Given it the TLC. I haven’t abused it with fad diets or training regimes that don’t work. I’ve had a plan and my mind and body will let me off for eating a bit of crap at Christmas. I don’t just design fitness plans for others. I know they work, so I design fitness plans for myself too. So I know that I’m good at it. And I’m not boasting about that. You’d expect a mechanic to say they can fix your car or a builder to say they can build you a wall.

So as long as you have put the ground work in and you have a plan for the new year, a little Christmas indulgence won’t interfere with your goals. You have to own what you eat and drink and move on. No guilt. The arena will be waiting for you in the second half.