mindset – Page 12 – Never Give Up PT

The Test

My eldest came out of the school gates looking very pleased with himself. He ran towards me waving a piece of paper shouting “Daddy daddy, I got 10 out of 10!”

At the beginning of the week he had been given ten words to learn for a spelling test today. As well as my wife and I going through these words daily and his teacher teaching them he was well prepared for a test.

Schools, higher education and any learning environment have a similar system. We learn, practice and revise until we are tested on the subject. When you leave education, however, I find it a very different experience. Life gives you the test first, and then you learn the lesson.

Imagine my son having the test first and then learning the words after? It seems unfair, right? Ah, and yet our experiences in life are full of these examples.

What I try to provide as a Personal Trainer is a platform in which to learn, develop and achieve. An individual’s fitness journey has, admittedly, moments of enduring the test before knowing the lesson. In some ways that helps us deal with the challenges of success and failure. If we knew how to do it we’d already be doing it, so learning from life’s tests is a part of the process. And the process isn’t a smooth, linear path.

My job is not just to bask in the glory of a trainee’s goal being achieved like a PB or a weight loss target, but it is to navigate us through the difficult times. That’s not easy to do on your own. It’s doubly difficult when, even though you’ve put the hours in and worked with a plan in place, things still don’t go smoothly. Yes, you get given the words, you revise like mad, and you don’t always get full marks in your exam.

The problem is when you get given the words to learn, you revise like mad, don’t pass the exam and you give up. A few months pass by and again you get given the words, work hard and study but still don’t quite make the grade. Before you know it you are a year older and you are still stumbling through the tests, quitting, starting again…the cycle continues.

This, for me, is where the role of a coach is vital. There’s plenty of people that will count your reps on a rocking ab machine. But a coach will provide knowledge, technique, expertise, experience and the ability to get you to your goals. Even when the test becomes tough, they know what to do to get you through to the other side.

My son might only get 9 out of 10 next week, even if he works hard in his revision. But that in itself is a lesson. How I react to it and how he dusts the disappointment off is the difference between his future success and failure. If he learns how to deal with that disappointment it becomes even more important than learning the word he got wrong.

Life is ironic. It takes depression to know happiness. It takes stress to understand calm. It takes failure to recognise success.

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Repeat, Repeat, Repeat

My eldest must think I’m obsessed. At 8 he has certainly got a natural talent for football and he is always keen to have a kick about in the garden in-between matches and team training. He will often just want to take shots at me which is fine as I firmly believe that doing the bits that you enjoy the most is what keeps us interested. But I do try to get him to do the bits that aren’t really coached yet at his age.

Throw ins at under 8’s is a classic example. A throw in is usually a foul throw (which the ref allows due to their age), the length of the throw is week due to poor technique and the decision making in who to throw it to is questionable.

Passing is another example. Instead of trying to ‘Messi’ it past 5 opposing players in his own penalty area (8 year olds don’t like to pass) I want him to make good, confident decisions on when to pass and create openings.

To master these he needs coaching and, although I’m not an FA coach, I do know how to coach.

One piece of advice that I can take into any type of coaching, expert at it or not, is to repeat the process over, and over, and over, and over, and over again. And when you think you’ve mastered it, repeat it again.

We move on too quickly. Either because we think something is accomplished or because we haven’t discovered a purpose for continuing.

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My eldest also brings home words to learn for a spelling test at the end of each week. It’s the same process. Tying his own show laces, eating foods that are nutritious but he doesn’t yet like the taste of, crossing a road, learning French all need repeating to be good at it. Despite some freakish ability by some people to have a natural talent at something, the rest of us have to work bloody hard to be good at it. And even then, don’t think that those with a natural talent don’t practice hard at what they do. They do, but what they do is just their knack. Their ‘thing’. We’ve all got a ‘thing’, we just need to find it. But if we are to persue different interests or to progress in certain areas then the chances are you will need to practice like mad to be any good at it. My son has a tendency to move on too quickly. Perhaps most kids do. Just because he has read his ten words for his spelling test doesn’t mean that he knows them.

I’d love to play guitar. I’ve even bought a couple in the past that look great as ornaments. Actually playing it will require time, patience, practice and repeating. I don’t do that. My excuses are time, my natural abilities aren’t good enough and getting blisters on my fingers. I know that I would be able to play a little if I stopped with the excuses. Maybe I’d never be Ed Sheeran, but I would learn the chords and be able to enjoy playing the guitar and far quicker if I hired a teacher.

My excuses for not playing guitar are exactly the same excuses that I hear on a daily basis in the gym.

Time, not good enough and injuries.

But me playing guitar or not isn’t affecting my health. Learning the chords won’t help my body fat percentage go down. Breaking into the intro to Smells like Teen Spirit won’t make me look and feel better in my clothes and my mental health won’t be any clearer if I can play the theme tune to Coranation Street. So I haven’t found my ‘why’. I haven’t found my purpose to playing guitar, therefore my motivation for doing it, as great as it would be, just isn’t there.

Passing a football through cones isn’t as exciting as smashing a ball into the top bins past his dad, but my son will develop and understand the game much quicker. And if he sees his work pay off on the pitch in a game then he will want to practice even more. He will want to repeat the process that allowed him to make the pass, shot, dribble or throw that won the game. Hopefully he discovers his reason for playing football. It might make him feel good. He might enjoy being part of a team. He might enjoy the buzz and excitement on match day or he might know how important exercise is to his physical and mental health. As long as he knows why he keeps going back for more he will keep progressing.

For best results I can’t help repeating certain movements for my clients to perform. Yet despite the repatition it is important to keep the reason for doing it fresh in their minds and also creating new challenges.

Yes you can squat, now can you squat deeper?

That is a good bench press, now create a slower eccentric movement for time under tension.

You can perform 10 reps, now do 12 reps.

Exactly the same for my eldest at football. You scored with your left foot, now can you kick the ball with you right foot. It is still football. It is still repeating the process, but now we have a new challenge to consider. And it will take time. Practice and time. Lots of it.

Remember your reasons for doing something. If it is so important to you then you will continue the process and you must repeat, repeat, repeat until your body and mind knows exactly what it is that you are wanting from it.

If it’s important enough to you then you will achieve it. You’ll never give up!

Bouncebackability

Throughout my articles I have sometimes quoted the likes of Shakespeare and Einstein to highlight my point. Words or phrases, certainly by those who can articulate it much better than I, can resonate with people.

So I never thought that I would be quoting a word invented by ex footballer Iain Dowie. Bouncebackability was said by Dowie in 2003 to describe his team’s ability to…well, bounce back from defeat. It eventually made the dictionary. And we all have the ability to have it.

Never giving up when you feel at your lowest point, coming back from a desperate situation or bouncing back from a bad day are all within your capabilities. I just need you to realize it.

Things can spiral quickly or maybe it just feels like that. In my experience it can be something brewing inside that creeps out over time. Some days it feels like your head is just above water, but some days it feels like you’re drowning.

Your bouncebackability might be that you missed a gym session or two and, instead of quitting, you got back in there when the time was right for you.

Your bouncebackability could be that you had a week of poor meal choices and, instead of giving up on your health goals, you brushed the week off and started again with better choices.

Your bouncebackability might when you recognize that your alcohol consumption is beginning to affect your mindset and your health, but you make the decision to not bring any into the house for a week or two to reset.

Your bouncebackability could be a difficult time at home but you seek help from friends or somebody who will listen.

You have bouncebackability. You are resilient and strong. And sometimes to be able to show this strength you need to admit to your struggles. That, in itself, is the first sign of your resilience and strength.

What is put on the socials doesn’t impress me much. The guy who seems to have it all or the female who poses to her millions of followers have their low points too. They have struggles. Your friend who you think is always happy-go-lucky will have times of sadness or depression. Be kind to them. Cut them some slack if they haven’t got back to your message or they seemed a bit off with you.

They’ll bounce back. Just like you do.

Hannibal Lecter

Because I don’t know anyone’s specific goals in the gym I don’t randomly start telling them what to do. Even as a PT in the gym where I train and I suspect poor form or an alternative exercise might be useful I don’t approach a gym member and start telling them what to do.

If I get into conversation with somebody and we talk about training then I might offer advice if they want it. But otherwise I don’t intrude on their workout. Perhaps that’s bad practice for a PT who runs his business by people joining him for PT. My first day as a PT at Pure Gym I remember being told to go around and correct people’s form to get business. That lasted 5 minutes. I’m not a salesman. And anybody who trains in such gyms will probably know what I mean. You’re on the tready, earphones in trying to get a PB and Todd (that’s what his name badge says) tells you to go incline to work your quads. Todd, who needs to move around in the shower to get wet, can do one. When you’ve achieved your PB, go up to him and ask him what the names of the quadriceps are called. See if he knows.

Today, I didn’t have Todd approach me. He wasn’t even a PT. He was an old school weight lifter of about 70 years old. He had obviously lifted for a number of years but his body fat percentage meant that I couldn’t see his hard work. That’s fine. That’s what he does. He does what he does and I do what I do. So why did he want to disrupt my workout?

I had just finished a dumbbell press and he asked me how many reps I had just done.

“Ten” I replied. He laughed and told me that I should do double that amount. I laughed back and explained that I am currently staying in a specific weight and rep range for a few weeks. He then proceeded to lift something very heavy for a few half reps, barking and seething with each one.

His shoulders, wrists, knees and elbows were heavily strapped and he had a very tight lifting belt on. Had he been wheeled in with a muzzle he would’ve reminded me of Hannibal Lecter.

In the hour and half that I trained he hobbled over to at least ten different people and tried to instruct on their form, give advice or make quips on their previous set. Yet, without meaning any offence, Hannibal was pretty crocked. The straps give me the impression that there’s joint issues and wearing a belt during lat raises tells me his lower back must be weak and in pain. He might have lifted for many years and I hope he enjoys his workouts, but he didn’t inspire me to follow in his footsteps.

If I’m strapped up in 20 years time then I’ve not been training correctly for the past 20 years. But the old school training was a ‘lift heavy or go home’ sort of attitude. Rep ranges, splits, time under tension and nutrition isn’t really something associated with old school training.

I hadn’t seen Hannibal before. Perhaps his gym had closed, which isn’t unusual these days. The spit and sawdust gyms are being priced out by cheaper national gyms offering not just a gym, but swimming pools, fitness classes and in some cases squash courts, saunas and steam rooms. And the past two years has seen lots of small businesses suffer. The old school trainers are slowly making their way into the mainstream gyms.

Todd approaches people because he is trying to earn a living and build a career. Hannibal is doing it because he thinks he knows more than you from talking to some bodybuilder in 1970. I’m sure there will be a Todd or a Hannibal in your gym. You might have spotted them already. Todd will give up eventually and as for Hannibal, just throw him some fava beans and a nice Chianti and he’ll be on his way.

Why?

Why…adverb…for what cause, reason or purpose. Why did you do it?

Merriam-webster.com gave me the meaning of the word why on their website. Nothing that we didn’t already know really, is it?

And yet I’m not sure that many of us use it enough. I hear lots of motivational speakers and psychologists telling their audience to say ‘yes’ more or sometimes even ‘no’. But maybe we should be saying ‘why’ more.

My kids are very good at this. ‘Don’t do that.’ I’ll say. ‘Why?’ Is often the reply.

‘Because it is dangerous.’

‘Why?’

‘Because you might fall.’

‘Why?’

‘Because it is not safe.’

‘Why?’

‘Because the tree branch is 200 years old and ready to snap and the rain has caused bacterial wetwood that makes it slippy. Plus, you don’t have the appropriate footwear and the A&E waiting times are horrendous at the moment and I don’t fancy a day in the hospital sitting with the all day drinkers.’

I never get to say that last bit. It’s usually more like ‘Just get down!’

But I don’t want to take their inquisitive nature away from them. And they’re kids who want to climb trees. I’m sure that there’s a grainy photo somewhere with me in my shell suit hanging from a branch. So asking ‘why’ is perfectly acceptable.

I ask myself ‘why?’ regularly. Sometimes it just gets me out of bed. Or it enables me to do the gym session I’ve been putting off that day. It makes me push myself in my work and I strive for better for my family’s future. It keeps me hungry. All because I reminded myself of my why.

When I am talking to a potential client wanting to train with me I ask them why they want to train. I get the usual type of answers which are totally acceptable to begin with.

‘Id like to lose a few pounds.’

‘I want to lose my belly.’

‘I want to gain some muscle.’

‘I am entering an event.’

All of these require another why. And perhaps another. And another.

I train to stay trim…why? To look good in a T-shirt this summer…why? Because I’m conscious that I’m not getting any younger…why? I have had injuries in the past and I know that age could cause these injuries to be painful in later life…why? I began training many years ago to fix my injuries which helped my mental health too…why? Because I felt more confident, strong, pain free and I became a better person…why? Because I knew that I was giving my future self a chance to live comfortably which would provide a happier life for my family too.

Because I knew that I was giving my future self a chance to live comfortably which would provide a happier life for my family too.

This became my why.

Mark Twain said,”The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.”

It is the most enlightening thing there is to find your why, your reason, your purpose, your trigger.

Losing a few pounds is a credible goal, but it happens so much easier if you know your why. Your why is the ultimate goal. And as long as you keep reminding yourself of it, good things happen along the way to achieving it.

You need a good reason to lose a few pounds. If you don’t have one, or if it’s to please somebody else for instance, you have no real motivation to lose a few pounds. Even if you do there’s a good chance that you won’t keep it off. Motivation is just a fleeting emotion, your why lasts forever.

Keep that child like inquisitive mind and keep asking ‘why?’

And keep asking. And asking. And asking. And when you find your why, you will find your way.

Skinnies

I feel that I might have been a little absent from y’all in the last couple of days. My wife and I managed to get away for an evening to a gig in York and, as much as I need my phone for my business, I managed to limit it to the necessities. Writing articles was not in my sights. However, plenty of inspiration for future blogs were always in my mind so here I am, back at home and back to real life. I enjoy my work and being daddy, but a couple of days away was a chance to recharge the batteries.

It was a chance to have a midlife crisis moment too! I bought some skinny jeans.

When skinny jeans first became fashionable for men I instantly said to my wife that I would never buy a pair. I liked straight leg, boot cut, baggy and even a daring grungy ripped look. But skinny was a bit 1980’s Axel Rose. Super cool at the time, but best left in the 80’s!

But yesterday I couldn’t resist trying on a pair. After all, I don’t do ‘leg day’ to keep my pins kept stored away like a Maradona world cup winning shirt. I’d like people to see them.

And seeing as I have an unfortunate tattoo on my calf from my youth days of a naked female I don’t feel like I can wear shorts. I must get that tattoo covered up one day. But, I thought as I held up the skinnies in the shop, this might do for now!

I have all of the insecurities of everyone else. Sometimes, even wearing the most normal clothes possible, I feel like a dick. I feel goofy, uncomfortable, different from those around me. I know by now that I’m not the only one. Every day I talk to people who want to be body confident. It’s what I do. I work on myself everyday just like I work on my clients. That’s what sets me apart from Jeremy in Berkshire telling Gav from Bradford that he needs to eat chicken and rice four times a day. I want to eat what I want AND fit into some skinnies. Gav should do the same too.

Gav can still stay within his calories and macros, eat the Pringles and wear the fuck out of those skinnies. It might not suit our Jeremy, but Gav is happy wearing what he wants and is in control of his life, so who gives a shit about Jeremy and his two grand ‘fit programme’ who prays on the insecurities of his clients. I want to be happy in what I wear. I want to shake my booty in a pair of skinnies. I want to eat a kebab occasionally and I want to do the windmill in front of my wife without being judged. Gav and his missus should do the same. If you are happy and confident, you’ll feel sexy and in control.

I had to try a few sizes of skinnies on. They were either too long or too tight. But I eventually found some that made me think ‘yeah, I’ve still got it dude!’. Whatever stage you are at in your fitness goal right now, this second, always know that you’ve still got it too.

Everybody…I mean every BODY, is beautiful. It’s just society and our own individual insecurities that need to realize that. Change is good. Wanting to change is fine, just remember that you are beautiful to begin with. It’s so much easier to change if you respect what you want to change in the first place.

I wore my skinny jeans today. In fact I totally owned this fashion malarky. And one day I might even go for the ‘no socks’ look. If Gav from Bradford can, so can I!

NEAT

I’m going to dive straight in with a phrase that you might have heard before but if not I don’t want you to think I’m getting all sciency. I’m not, but it is important in the context of this article.

Non-Exercise Activity Thermogenisis (NEAT)

Thermogenisis, according to sciencedirect.com, is defined as the dissipation of energy through the production of heat occuring in adipose tissue (fat) and skeletal muscle.

How I define it is if you move more you burn more calories due to the energy expenditure. The Non-Exercise Activity bit relates to the movement that you do outside of your exercise routines.

And by moving I mean by just being alive. The average person can burn 75 calories per hour by breathing. A person in a coma will generally lose weight as the body will still generate energy in order to maintain basic functions.

However, the latter is an extreme example of energy expenditure so let’s look at this sensibly!

If the average person were to stand for 6 hours instead of sitting they would burn an extra 100 calories. It doesn’t seem like much but it adds up to 2.5k within the year!

And yet, I wouldn’t fancy standing through the final series of Ozark so maybe that’s a bit unrealistic still.

If you were to take the stairs instead of a lift then you would use up to 7 times more energy than taking a lift. Again, maybe it doesn’t sound like a great deal but if you have an office job that requires a few flights of stairs that is some serious energy expenditure by the end of the year.

In a previous post I’ve talked about parking further away from the gym to warm up. You can take this even further by applying it to your grocery shop or parking further away from town to get more steps in. The average person uses 300-400 calories from walking 10,000 steps.

Sex, on average, burns just over a hundred calories, but I have no idea who discovered this or how long the experiment lasted!!

In fact what we do with out NEAT each day will probably burn a considerable amount of calories compared to what we can achieve in a workout, especially if one is fairly active anyway. But if we were to put all three factors together…NEAT…Exercise at least 3 times a week and a balanced diet, then we can lose weight sensibly.

And they all compliment each other. Being NEAT often leads to a more proactive attitude towards exercise and exercise tends to lead to better food choices.

Perhaps if you have a weight loss goal, instead of being so daunted about the gym or when to exercise your first steps should be to think NEAT.

Paella

I know that we will eventually have the big debate today. We will discuss with our guests if chorizo has any place in the traditional Spanish Paella dish. The tripod, burner and the paella pan were all ordered from Spain to keep our paella events as authentic as possible and the rice is always Valencia bomba rice. We love Paella days!

I remember a few years ago when Jamie Oliver shared a paella recipe that included chorizo and he was absolutely slaughtered by the traditionalists on social media because paella was never invented with the intention of adding chorizo! Adding chorizo, said some commentators, made it a ‘rice dish’ and not Paella. If this is the case then for all our attempts to create an authentic Spanish Paella we fail at the final hurdle by throwing in chorizo. The years of entertaining our friends and unveiling the evento principal and calling it paella might be a lie. But I still think that it deserves a little bit more of a build up than inviting friends round for a ‘rice dish’. Perhaps if we lived in Spain and we were to invite our Spanish friends round for paella we would leave out the chorizo, but I’m not so sure our English friends care too much as long as it is tasty!

I’d much prefer to get the paella pan burner out than the BBQ on a sunny day. Yes, there’s the traditional way of cooking paella, but you can be a little adventurous too. And with two kids that have different tastes and preferences it is difficult to stick to a recipe. One likes prawns and the other one doesn’t. One likes paprika and the other doesn’t. So a little bit of improvising is necessary. The BBQ will get a good run out over the summer as well of course. If I’m stood outside flipping burgers I’m happy too!

The last 6 months has been a long, grey and cold period on the North East coast of England and for all it’s surrounding beauty, i don’t appreciate it enough because I hate the cold, dark months so much that I don’t see enough of the natural beauty that I live amongst. So the first weekend where I could sit outside in a T-shirt and eat paella with friends was a celebration to me. It felt like the start of summer.

When I get asked why we plan to move to France I could spend all day discussing politics and business ideas, but the short answer would be for the weather. An older gentleman at the gym said to me that he can hardly walk the length of his street before he gets tired and needs to sit down. Yet when he went to Spain for 2 weeks he was walking the mountains. I understand this because I too feel much better when I’m in a warmer climate. My back pain, although I keep this under control with my training, is eased considerably in warm weather. And the research provides lots of evidence on the older gent in the gym and myself being accurate on our own health assessment.

Vasodilation, which is the dilation of blood vessels which improves blood flow, happens when the body is subjected to heat. This improves circulation in the affected areas and transfers deep into the muscles. I’m sure after a couple of days in the Spanish sun the older gent at my gym was like Charlie’s Grandpa Jo, skipping and whizz popping over the mountains. Back in blighty, the blood flow slows down, muscle and joints seize up and he can’t even get out of his street.

So I welcome this year’s British summer. I just hope that our paella day wasn’t the last of it! After all, I’ve bought all of the chorizo now.

The Balanced Plate

Calorie counting apps are useful to see how many calories you consume each day. But none of them…

Have a qualified PT inputting your data to ensure that you are not going too restrictive with your daily calories
Provide information on alternatives to your current diet
Create workouts in your very own exercise library on your app specific to your goals
Enable you to talk through your difficult days and have a live conversation with your PT (which happens to be me!)

I have created this challenge because I am my everyday client. I want to feel better and fit into my clothes but I also like cheese and biscuits on an evening washed down with a glass of wine. I work hard and want to indulge sometimes. And this is where I can help. I can prove that we can still enjoy the food we enjoy without guilt. I can show you how to balance the necessary nutrients alongside the other foods too. Nothing is banned, not if WE take control.

Not only am I professionally qualified to help my trainees, but I live through the same anxieties as them. My takeaway habits have been out of control. I’ve had moments where I’ve gone through two, three, four packets of crisps on an evening. I created habits of eating chocolate every night after my main meal and I’ve had times where I haven’t given myself any days off of drinking alcohol for weeks. I became a personal trainer because I felt that I could connect with people like myself. I knew that if I could do that, armed with the knowledge of how to fix it, then I could help others.

Guilt around our food is the biggest obstacle. If you eat the high calorie food that takes you over your daily calories then I say,”I hope that you enjoyed it! Own it, you ate it. Now move on.” No guilt needed. We just try and get your next meal back on track.

I will probably have to check my takeaway, crisps, chocolate and alcohol intake again in the future. I have goals. I am confident at staying on track. But I’m human. I slip into old habits and when I do I’ll deal with it in the way that I know how. I don’t look for perfection from myself or my trainees. I look for effort and honesty.

The Balanced Plate Challenge has, by far, been my greatest online training success to date. The results have been amazing. But like anything that’s worth doing it isn’t always easy and the path is not linea. The challenge doesn’t stop there which is why I’ll continue to develope The Balanced Plate beyond its 4 week challenge. And like every challenge that I set for my trainees, whatever they achieve, this is just the beginning. Imagine what they can do moving forwards.

The Feather In The Drawer

I walked up to my 8 year old son’s wardrobe with dread. I knew, as soon as I opened the double doors just very slightly a heap of clothes, football shirts, teddies and toys would spill out. As much as we ask him to tidy his bedroom we know that anything on the floor will get thrown into the wardrobe if he can’t find a home for it. We also tackle the cupboard often too. For some reason I’m the nominated football shirt sorter. My wife is the school uniform organizer. There are so many different football shirts so I feel like I’ve got the raw deal here . I put them in their correct place either folded for footy practice the next day by his bed, in his wardrobe or in his younger brothers drawer if they are small shirts. And if they have the shirts to match then the same procedure has to happen for them. The socks too.

But I can’t put all of the blame on our son’s lack of tidying up skills. Also inside of this wardrobe is loads of old clothes that no longer fit the boys. The tractor t-shirt that they both wore as babies, mittens, dungarees, shorts from their first summer holidays, coats from a few winters ago. I remember their first ever snowman that they built in those. I think that this wardrobe would be much more organized if mum and dad could just let go.

We’ve got so much better at not hoarding so much stuff. We’re both sentimental so selling or throwing our kids clothes can be tough but we do have periods in the year where we have clear outs. Certain coats, mittens and dungarees always remain though. They have special memories that we just can’t let go it seems. A tatty old Baby Jake book will always be remembered for the late nights getting our eldest to sleep as a baby. I knew the book by heart. How could we throw that?!

Funnily enough I’m not sentimental about the big, life changing stuff. I’m from Leeds and I moved away about 14 years ago. Apart from fleeting visits to see family occasionally I have no desire to go back. I have not once considered going back to the Corn Exchange for old times sake or standing at the steps of College of Technology all teary eyed. Stepping back in time seems daunting. But for some reason, the feather that my son picked up when he was one and a half remains at the bottom of the takeaway drawer in the kitchen. My mind pictures the moment every time I see it.

I have always wanted to reinvent myself in some way. Standing still or looking back doesn’t sit well with me. If I’m not happy with something I move on. I won’t dwell on the things that make me anxious. I didn’t like my birth name so I changed it. I don’t like where I live or work then I change it. And for the ultimate challenge if I don’t like my body, I change it. Selling up and moving on has come easily to my wife and I. In our 15 years together Scarborough has become our 5th town or city and we’re living in our 6th house. And that’s not necessarily because we disliked where we lived but because we found a new challenge elsewhere.

I have gone from a senior in a day center, restaurant manager, confectionery business owner, market stall holder, support worker, Personal Trainer and now Online Coach in the time that my wife and I have known each other and I know that she has played a huge part in those successes. She has her own success story. As for the failures we take them on the chin and move on.

I proposed to my wife in the Boboli Gardens in Florence. During that trip we created a travel journal and collected receipts, napkins and photos to put in it. Of course, we still have that. Looking back through that feels like a life time ago. I felt young and free spirited. Now, I often feel old with the occasional glimmer of free spirit! But that glimmer comes from my job as a husband, a dad and to my work and while I have those then that glimmer will always be there.

And if it’s an old tractor T-shirt in the wardrobe or a feather in the takeaway drawer that has to remind me, then they are worth keeping.