Not so long ago I would have run a mile from two carby items on my lunch plate. It can make me feel ‘heavy’ for the afternoon, sleepy even. But then I was introduced to rice and chips. Oh, and siestas.
Rice, chips, a slab of meat of either pork, turkey or beef with a fried egg on top and a side salad is called a Bitoque in Portugal. It is insanely nice!
Lou and I felt that we needed a few hours away from the house this afternoon. Since the builders left on Friday we have been trying to reshuffle our home and our lives back to how we want it. A lovely plant in place of the cement mixer. A thorough clean and mop up of the dust that has gathered. Stuff like that.
But today we were tired. The temperature has rarely gone below 25° until evening, when it hovers around 13°, for the past seven days. This has added to our bouts of lethargy.
With the kids at school we decided to take a stroll along the Ribeira Grande river and visit our favourite cafe, Ponte Romana. Not only do they serve the best Bitoque in town, but the location and the views are amazing. And just the tonic today.
Tomorrow we will feel refreshed and focused to go again. After all, there’s plenty to do. But we mentioned today that we can’t take moments like this for granted. Just a meal together, away from the work, kids and business talk, can make a big difference. And it is important to remember the simple things that keep our spirit up.
It is the age old question in the gym in regards to what is the best type of training for weight management or, as is commonly known as, fat loss.
“Should I use weights?”
“Do I join a high intensity class or go on treadmills?”
“Is it high reps or low reps?”
These sorts of questions are the most frequently asked to a Personal Trainer in a commercial gym.
The correct answer, of course, is never that simple. Every individual is different, yes, but generally all of the above are perfectly fine ways to manage weight for the average adult.
To elaborate on these answers I could also suggest going for long, frequent walks, preparing your meals and counting calories for a short period of time or taking the stairs instead of the elevator. (That last suggestion isn’t meant to sound flippant or facetious. It is my attempt to encourage a more active outlook in one’s daily routine and we often miss these opportunities in order to get somewhere quicker or for convenience.)
So when we break it all down into these different training techniques, ways of moving and positive lifestyle changes we get the bigger picture. One which promotes weight management. And as long as these can be incorporated there will be success in one’s fitness journey.
But it all starts with a spark or a thought that leads us onto actually adopting these positive things into our lives. And if you have read this article up to now, I am assuming that you have already begun the thought process.
Indian philanthropist and businessman Pankaj Patel once said,”It is the sum of the parts that make up the whole. So excellence comes from how one undertakes to do something. It all begins with the thought process which is creative and exalted to produce something out of the ordinary.”
To make up the whole, it is said, you need all the little components to complete it. The thought process, or the planning, is a vital component.
In regards to a weight management journey, the whole needs planning, but this planning must include all the factors that I have spoken about. Frequent walks are just as important as making It into the gym. Why? Because it is an important part of the sum that creates the whole. Many people have found their motivation, inspiration, their plans, their passions and indeed themselves on a long walk. It cannot be underestimated. It’s also a great exercise.
There are no magical processes that can guarantee weight management (whatever you want to manage it to be). But there are a number of methods that, when put together, can give you the best opportunities. Many of them I’ve listed above.
I will often give my clients a little bit of homework. I ask them to write down four or five ways in which they can achieve their realistic body weight target. And when they have actually thought about it, they come back to me with the answers I have listed above. This is because we are not reinventing the wheel here, as many influencers would have you believe, we are simply adding simple methods to your life and tweaking things that need a bit of change.
It is the sum of the parts that you already have at your disposal. And when you use them correctly, you begin to have access to the whole.
Shay is a personal trainer, CBT therapist, meditation guide and owner of Pinheiros Tranquilos Bem Estar in central Portugal.
Some books have chapters that are just a page or two long. Others can be twelve or more. But generally, with the more contemporary styles, we see chapters at around five pages. This advice is what many novice writers are given as a guide and it equates to about 5-6 thousand words.
I like that there are no set rules to the size of a chapter in a book. I’m not good with rules. Of course, I’m not a total anarchist. I follow most rules. I would, for example, respectfully follow the rule that I had to wear a gym shirt belonging to the commercial gym that I trained at even though I didn’t work for them. A silly rule, I thought, but I towed the line.
I stick to speed limits on the road, I pay my bills on time and I push the toothpaste out from the bottom of the tube. Ok. That last one is my wife’s rule and it’s an important one.
And then there’s the GNR. That is the name of the Portuguese police. If they pull you over in the car or stop you in the street you must have your documents on hand to prove that you are able to be in the country. They can be quite intimidating. Their uniform is much more military and their role isn’t the same as the police in the UK. You won’t see the GNR dancing at a street parade or being questioned by a youtuber calling themselves an ‘auditor’. If they want to see my documents, it is not the time for me to start questioning their rules. I know the punishment for questioning where I squeeze the tube of toothpaste from, I dread to think of what the consequences are for arguing with the GNR.
But if I were to write a book about my journey over the past year, I would make the chapters short, snappy and to the point. That would be my rule. The law, in fact. For example, if I were writing the chapter on my current situation, it would read something like…
“The builders came, renovated the guest house and left.”
There. Chapter done. Move on. Otherwise it becomes boring and tedious.
But this chapter is never ending, it seems. I’d like it to be over so that I can continue with my story. The novel ‘The Passenger’ has a chapter that weighs in at a mighty 62 pages. This arrives at chapter 5 in the book.
Maybe my life is a chapter 5. Sure, I feel like a passenger as I eagerly wait to begin renting out the guest house and promoting my fitness events. This anxiety compounded in the knowledge that I need to start making an income very soon. Chapter 5 has become extremely costly.
If this story continues similarly to the careful planning that was undertaken long before pen was put to paper, then I know that this chapter isn’t forever. It’s a means to an end. Every story must knit together to make any sense. Perhaps a lengthy chapter is often a middle bit that is necessary in creating the beginning, middle and the end. It is a summary of how the story began and the direction in which it will end. Therefore, my chapter 5 must be a vital component in the whole telling of the story.
But I’m becoming impatient.
My one rule break right now would be to create a story with one page chapters. At least to get to the exciting bits. I have so much to be grateful for and my blogs, had they acted as chapters of a book, kind of tell the story of my journey to my readers so far. But this chapter seems different. This is the part of the story that either makes or breaks the leading character.
Chapter 5 is a long road which has to be accepted as part of the journey (or story) for a complete ending to be written. Without chapter 5, we wouldn’t know the ending. So what’s the point in any journey (or story) if we can’t endure a chapter 5?
I have met many people on their own personal journeys who seem to call on me when they get to their very own chapter 5. They feel a bit stuck. Like, they know where they wanna be but can’t find a way out to the other side. And as I tell them, exactly as I tell myself, it is quite normal. Sometimes we all feel like a passenger when we want to be the one in control. Chapter 5, as long assed as it might be, leads only to a new chapter as long as we keep on reading. And we keep reading because we know the ending can be good. Not just good but life changing.
But being the main character feels different from the observer looking on. It’s like when we scream at the TV screen to the character being chased in a horror movie. We give them sensible, logical answers for the character to escape. But the character, in their emotional state, never thinks straight. Decisions solely based on emotion can sometimes lead to poor judgement. As Alfred Adler said, “Follow your heart, but take your brain with you.”
Now is a good time to remember that quote as I drudge through chapter 5.
If you feel like you’re stuck in chapter 5, ask yourself how you can develop your story for the next chapter. If you can create a positive narrative to it, the ending of your story could be a real page turner with a great ending. You’re the author. Chapter 5 doesn’t have to last forever.
I will never truly know the forest, but I get the feeling as I walk through it, that it knows me already.
I aim to wander through this dream every morning. I call it a dream because it reminds me of a quote by Turkish novelist Memet Murat Ildan when he stated that “You can walk in a dream while you are awake. Just walk in the misty morning of a forest.”
And also before I have two cups of coffee I am hardly classed as awake, so one could argue that I am still slumbering through my morning walk.
I see something different with every walk. Most of the time I’m not even walking. I stop, listen, look up at the tallest pine trees and breath. The deeper into the forest I go I can lose my mind and find my soul.
But I am mindful that I am entering nature’s home. I bought the land but I am only a guest. I’ve already had snakes slither across my path with no harm to them or me. I’m sure I can come up with a similar understanding with the wild boars. It might seem naive, but I’m learning to become a part of my new environment.
I carry with me a long stick. I was advised by the locals in my Portuguese village that if I walk in the woods I should do so with a long stick. Apparently the wild boars, which come out at dusk and can charge if they feel threatened, make their dens in the forest. I don’t know what to do with the stick if I were to be confronted with a wild boar. Duolingo never taught me how to say “What the fuck do I do with this?” in Portuguese.
My aim is to wake up willing to be a beginner every single morning. Like I say, I will never truly know the forest. But if I enter it with the wide eyed care and attention that it deserves then I can make new discoveries each day.
I’m just a beginner at everything. Even stuff I’m qualified in. I’m a personal trainer but every visit to the gym is another chance to learn. I can’t possibly know it all.
At the moment the forest is my gym. Another day to grow, learn and become a part of something special.
After some problems in getting our Fire stick to work on the TV, I found that I could clear the cache of each application and it worked much faster.
Cache. What exactly is it?!
Well, in computing terms, it is a temporary data storage location that automatically stores data to reduce retrieval time.
And there I found a connection. Not only could it be used in computing terms, but in my own head.
You see, the data that is stored is not necessarily all useful information. Just like on my Fire stick, it can cause broken links and a lack of proper formatting, causing my browsing and viewing experience to be slow and glitchy.
Over the past few weeks my head has been gathering a lot of data, similar to the fire stick, and it needed a clear out.
This brain cache will be back, I’m sure, but without regular clear outs it will become more difficult to function and keep a focussed mind. I will become glitchy.
Do you feel that you need to clear the cache sometimes? What do you do as your preferred method?
Clearing the brain cache is not a one size fits all answer. My suggestions are to go on a long walk, go to the gym, talk to a friend or partner, sleep or in my case this morning I meditated.
There was no filming today. I had answered all of the builders questions. I took the kids to school. It was raining heavily therefore working on the land was out of the question. So I took two hours away from everything and I meditated.
Sure, I could have found something to do. But that would have been my useless cache data telling me to descale the toilet or iron my undies. No, I thought, I need some time to clear my head.
Today has gone a little smoother. Or, at least, dealt with much better now that I am thinking clearer, so it seems to have worked.
Let me know how you like to clear your brain cache. There are no wrong answers. Just the right ones that work for you.
0700 I’m making the kid’s breakfast. The meeting in Vila de Rei at 10 this morning is on my mind. This is when we officially make the house ours, meet the current owners and exchange the deeds. There’s a lot of money on this and it’s a life changer. Soon, we’ll be home owners in Portugal.
0840 sitting on the balcony of the rented apartment waiting for our 9:15 lift from the estate agents. The view is of a typical town street in Sertá. It serves me some thinking time. Some reflection on our journey so far. Blimey. This time last year we were trying to find out what VISA we needed to live in Portugal! Now we’re here. Its real!
1233 the house is officially ours! The meeting was long and in Portuguese (of course) so it was an odd experience when you’re handing over a lot of cash! However, my language learning has paid off and we stumbled across the finish line.
Officially Knackered
Since the end of 2022 we have been slowly creating a pathway to our new life in Portugal. The hours that have accumulated into days of house searching online (plus two visits) have led us to this point where we can actually say that we have our home and business in Portugal.
But it has also meant taking away the bricks that have been safely built back in England. I gave up my PT business. Lou gave up her treatment room. We took our children out of a wonderful school and we sold our home in Scarborough. We tested our marriage and our mental health and, most terrifyingly, our children’s well being. After all, they are at an age where they had begun to make good friends and they knew adults such as teachers and grandparents who they could rely on and feel safe with. And now the four of us have to start again. Building up relationships, businesses and our home.
Lou and I are officially knackered. I’ve often said that social media can give the wrong impression of events. Recently I’ve shared pictures of myself sitting on the balcony sipping wine, but I didn’t post a picture of me and my wife having a meltdown when our UK house sale fell through.
On Instagram I have posted videos of the wonderful scenery of the local area, but I didn’t post videos of Jonas crying himself to sleep when he was scared of missing his UK friends.
And, on this blog, I have posted a picture of Lou and I holding up the keys to our new home and business. What I won’t post is the picture of us looking over our finances trying to figure out how to get enough clients to pay for it.
So, for all that I can honestly say that we are happy with what we have achieved so far, it’s been a long journey with much further to go before we can really begin to take a step back and fully enjoy it.
But for now, one step at a time, the house is ours.
The past has gone. For all the good bits, the bad bits and all the bits in-between, you cannot change your past.
But what if you could by living the present by one simple rule?
Psychologist Victor Frankl will be able to explicate my introduction with this quote…
“Live as if you were living already for the second time and as if you had acted the first time as wrongly as you are about to act now.”
When I first read this I had to replay it through my head several times to truly understand what Frankl meant by this. My brain chewed through it like a sticky toffee glued to my teeth but eventually I tasted the essence of its flavour. It was sweet.
Frankl is inviting us to understand that the past can still be changed and corrected as long as we acknowledge that the present is the past.
Without knowing of this revelation let alone understanding it, I could not live by this several years ago. A mixture of immaturity, pig headedness and selfishness meant that I am now left with a string of regrets that I wish I could change.
For example, the way I have spoken to a friend or relative that was unkind. I have felt, in moments, that they were trying to hurt my feelings or in some way ruin my day and piss on my parade. My emotions heightened and out of control, I have said things that I know would hurt them too.
I have never made a habit of this but there are moments in my life which stand out in my mind that I wished had never happened.
What if I had acted differently? What if I had considered Frankl’s advice before becoming irrational with someone who I love?
What if, in that moment, I had taken a deep breath, considered my options and chose to act in the right way?
Because, when you strip back the quote, all it means is to think about your actions before doing or saying something you will regret. You can’t go back in time to correct mistakes so take extra care to get it right the first time.
There’s no time machine, but we do actually possess something much more powerful than that. We have the ability to perceive what is right and wrong and control, evaluate and execute our actions. We have a conscience.
Looking back, from a selfish point of view, had I reacted differently in certain situations I would have felt better about myself. Making someone else feel rubbish does nothing for the soul. It can turn you bitter.
Before the past becomes regrettable, make some good choices in the present while you can. Seize that moment to make yourself and others around you feel better. In your head, consider the different outcomes of the actions you’re about to take.
As a child I would watch my sporting heroes who would inspire me and enable me to dream of one day following them in their achievements.
Just to name a few, sportspeople like Paul ‘Gazza’ Gascoigne, Jimmy ‘The Whirlwind’ White and Andre Agassi excited me as they performed in their professional sport. They excited me because, although they were never considered the very best, they had an abundance of character to compete with those who were. A part of their edge is perhaps also down to the fact that they have each had their own mental health struggles.
Gazza
And it appeared to me as I watched a recent Netflix documentary about Robbie Williams that most of the ‘famous’ people that I like or admire have mental health problems.
For some reason I’ve always followed William’s career. I don’t even like his type of music. But I could see, from afar, that he was desperately unhappy. The cheeky chappy who always wanted to play the clown and say something controversial, act differently and seem to go out of his way to be disliked. That was me as a teenager and young man. And seeing as we’re of similar age, he connected with me.
Similarly with Gazza. As a young footballer I wanted to be him. I watched World Cup Italia ’90 as a 12 year old in absolute awe of what Gazza could do with a football. I’m sure many kids did. He played for Spurs, I supported Liverpool and my mates supported Manchester United or Leeds. But it didn’t matter. That summer, we all had Gazza T-shirts on under our England shell suits.
None of my idols admitted to any sort of mental health issues, though. Yes, there had been drugs and alcohol issues, getting into trouble with the law and well documented domestic issues, but they never actually came out and said ‘I am depressed’ or ‘I need help’. Certainly not publicly.
This week, England and Saracens rugby captain Owen Farrell has made a statement saying that ‘in order to prioritise his and his family’s wellbeing’, he will be taking a break from International duties. This coming from a man who has lived and breathed the sport in an extremely masculine environment is highly commendable. Yes, winning World Cups and Six Nations trophies are important. They train incredibly hard for that moment. But it is not as important as an individual or their family’s mental health. Being an elite athlete is about recognising that. He did and he has acted on it.
Owen Farrell
Another of my idols, albeit a bit before my time, is Bill Shankly. He once said, “Some people believe that football is a matter of life and death. I am very disappointed with that. I can assure you it is much more important than that.”
With the world that we live in I am sure many people will qualify in justifiably being able to disagree with him. Sport is sport. Life is life. However, as a coach myself I can understand exactly what he means. During a training session of mine or a client’s, I expect that to be the only thing that matters in that moment. Whatever is going on outside of the gym must be parked there. That is how we achieve fitness results and how elite sportspeople achieve medals and trophies. But inevitably we have a life away from that, even the professionals who are making a living from their sport. They have families. They have feelings. They are fallible. No matter what their earnings are, where they live or what car they drive, mental health does not care. It can take a hold of anybody.
Perhaps mental health is, at last, being talked about much more openly than it used to be. I knew, even as a kid, that these sportspeople that I idolised were different from their counterparts. Their behaviours didn’t always fit the acceptable requirements of their team, professional body that they represented or the media. But did they even know that they had mental health concerns? Even if they did, what options did they have?
The UK in the 80’s and 90’s was a very different place to be an upcoming sports superstar to what it is now. For the likes of Gazza, he had to perform in front of terraces known for chanting fans abusing the footballers for anything they could. Any sort of ‘weakness’ or admittance to needing help would have been disastrous for him and his career. And this baying mob mentality was led by the written press at the time. They loved his antics, but I often wondered if they were laughing with him or at him.
In my opinion, social media has nothing on the British tabloids of the 90’s. Social media has, for every bad, a cause for good too. The tabloids, however, could ruin you in an instant if you didn’t stick to its narrative. It’s hard to imagine a rugby player talking about mental health back then. So, though saddening to hear that Owen Farrell feels that he needs to step down from his England duties, it is encouraging to know that he can without being abused for it. At least from the majority of us decent folk.
Heroes aren’t just the ones who lift the trophy at the end of a game.
For those of you who read my blogs from afar you might not see my family’s move to Portugal as anything too big. But for those who have followed my journey and who know me personally will know that it is absolutely massive.
The fact is that my decision to move from the UK to Portugal came from me (or my wife and I) hitting a brick wall.
This brick wall was making us unhappy. We felt that, month upon month, we could not pay mortgage bills, rent bills on our businesses, council tax and food and energy bills. There was no way of planning a holiday for the kids. Our savings since COVID was depleted. Our brick wall was getting thicker and higher.
You too might feel that you have a brick wall. Let me tell you now that you can climb it, dig under it, hell you can kick your way through it, but never let a brick wall break you. You can come through the other side.
Your brick wall might be totally different to mine, but if it is making you unhappy and restricting your happiness then it is there.
I always had a need to travel, yet career moves and kids meant that I had to stabilise my life at that time. It was only in 2016, after the referendum for the UK to leave the EU did I know that I would leave my home. But at the time my career was just taking off as a Personal Trainer and my kids were babies. It was, we felt, not the right time.
And as much as I always threatened to leave the UK it only became a reality when I felt that I could no longer afford to live there. I hit the brick wall. And to put that into perspective, my mortgage had doubled in the UK from October and council tax was almost £300 a year. In Portugal, we are mortgage free and council tax is 20€ a year. A 5 litre box of quaffable wine is under 5€ too. Bonus.
I’m not here saying, hey, look at me! Look at how well we’re doing! Blimey. There’s a long way to go for us yet. We’re still renting from one place to the next until our house purchase goes through. We’ve been living like this since September and expect to be until late January as we still await a reply from a school for our kids.
Also, there is a whole lot of work to do on the property that we have bought to become liveable and profitable for our business. Something that you will be able to see on our Road To Tranquility Facebook and YouTube pages plus Channel 4’s A New Life In The Sun in series 10.
The Brick wall is still palpable. But we still keep climbing, digging, bulldozing and beating down this bloody wall. It won’t get in our way.
Never let a brick wall get in your way. Whatever you want, overcome it and reach the other side. Don’t let it beat you.
Never Give Up PT 