mental health – Page 7 – Never Give Up PT

The Problem With Motivation

My gym journey, building a new business, being a good husband and father and moving to another country all need a consistent and considered approach.

Whatever the pitfalls each one delivers (and they do) if I live by the rule of consistency then I will eventually find a conclusion that works for me. It might not always be the best or most perfect outcome. I’m a realist. But it will, at least, enable me to move forward and continue my plans to reach that elusive ‘perfection’.

What helps me keep consistent is two main factors. The first is the question ‘Why?’

Why do I do what I do? Why bother with the gym every day? Why put the effort into my relationship with my wife and children? Why start up a new business? Why move to a different country?

The truth is that I would be immensely unhappy if I didn’t.

Some days I really don’t fancy going to the gym, but I enjoy the endorphins and the way it makes me look.

Some days my kids are driving me mad! But if I shout and lose my temper then I am teaching them that being kind and patient does not work.

And some days I really don’t want to deal with solicitors, VISA applications or business plans. But if I don’t do it then the move to Portugal can’t happen and therefore the new business can’t happen. I’ll be back in a commercial gym faster than you can say ‘500 quid a month rent’.

I don’t want the alternative, so I have to be consistent in how I get things done. Having a few days off is not on the table. And this leads me on to factor number 2.

These actions are non-negotiable. I cannot let the consistency slip. Now, I’m not talking about missing the gym for an emergency, bickering with my wife or watching Coranation Street instead of working on my business plan. I’m talking about serious procrastination that begins to turn itself into a lifestyle.

In a year’s time I don’t want to be overweight and miserable. I don’t want to be snappy with my kids and push my wife away. I don’t want to still be in the UK paying double on my mortgage and losing my freedom of movement just to rub salt in the wounds.

Consistently doing these activities gets me to where I want to be, so they are non-negotiable. I have to do them.

So I must address the one major problem I hear from people when they talk about changing their habits or lifestyle and working towards a goal. They tell me that they’re not motivated enough.

The problem with motivation is that it is a fleeting emotion. When it arrives it is fantastic. You’ll book the gym classes, write out a shopping list consisting of lots of fruit and veg, you’ll start to look at other job opportunities. Ones that will make you happy. You’ll call your friend or family member who you’ve been meaning to make contact with again. That’s what motivation can give you.

But what about when it isn’t there? If you haven’t answered your ‘why?’ and created a set of non-negotiables then you won’t get any closer to your happiness. You have to keep waiting for that glimmer of motivation that comes around now and again.

It is those cold, dark mornings when you get to the gym when you really don’t feel like it that edges you closer to a goal. It’s working through an online open university course on an evening when your friends have gone out for a few drinks that gets you out of your mundane work life rut. Motivation, on its own, won’t do that.

Take a moment to write down five things that you would like to achieve in the next 12 months. Next to each one, write the question ‘why?’ Honestly answer it. Dig deep and give your most honest answer, however hard it is to read it.

Then implement one thing that you will do to work towards each goal. It doesn’t have to be life changing, but whatever it is must become your consistent non-negotiable. You must do it when you say that you will.

From now until your 12 month goal you will sometimes find yourself without motivation, even demoralised. But keep your consistent approach.

Motivation is like a wind up toy. It’ll give you one big burst of energy or inspiration but eventually it stops. Consistency, albeit not a term that is as sexy or flashy, is the key to unlocking your future goals.

Shay is a Personal Trainer, CBT therapist, meditation guide and lifestyle blogger.

Choosing The Right Personal Trainer

I know lots of people who have spent (in some cases) thousands of pounds before they’ve found the right PT for them. Unfortunately, some people give up after a bad experience and this is a shame because I have seen what I and many other very good trainers can do for someone with a fitness goal.

To an extent you have to find the right personality that you are happy to employ as your PT. Basically, you need to at least like them and get on with them for you to respect what they say and ask of you.

But every good PT will have the same traits. They will listen to you, be attentive, be committed to your needs and they will give you their full attention whenever you need them (not just when they’re on the clock).

And whether it is face to face training or online coaching these traits should come across in your initial discussions with a PT.

Now that I’m moving my business to Portugal and developing it alongside a camping and wellbeing centre I will be ending my online coaching part of it. The reasons for this, and I’m only being honest, is that I don’t think that I can fulfill this criteria anymore. I have one shot for me and my family to get this move right. Currently I don’t think I can be as attentive as the client needs me to be. And seeing as I will be doing a lot of the ground work myself (both metaphorically and literally) once we get to Portugal, I’ll be busy enough.

There is an online coach that I will be recommending though if anyone asks and that is Biological Engineering. Dan Middlewood is the Trainer who deals with every inquiry and treats every one of his clients with the attention they deserve. He boasts of some impressive transformations on his social media too! All backed up with real life people.

https://instagram.com/biological_engineering?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

Dan and I started PTing in a gym together ten years ago and it was our first gig. I watched him develop into a PT that was driven by getting results for his clients, but did it in a way that was friendly and not pushy. It was only a matter of time that he would branch out into online coaching too, such was his high demand.

Just like in every day situations, we soon get an idea of a person’s character once we have a chat with them. Finding the right PT is very similar. You need to know that they have your best interests. They work for you. It’s not about their ego, it’s about your fitness results. So whether you’ve been thinking about contacting a PT or you’ve had a bad experience but are thinking about giving it another go, you’ll be in safe hands with Dan’s Biological Engineering.

Wonka-Vite!

Finlay, my 7 year old son, is currently enjoying Charlie And The Great Glass Elevator by Roald Dahl. I like that he is now at an age where he can read the books of Roald Dahl as it brings back so many memories for myself as I was also an avid reader of his work as a child.

This particular book, in true Dahl fashion, has the chapter about a pill invented by Wonka that makes you look younger. The Wonka-Vite. Finlay read the chapter with me and announced, “You need one of these pills daddy.”

Oh how brutally honest children can be! “Yes, sometimes I feel like I could do with a Wonka-Vite.” I replied.

It is concerning, however, when manufacturers, advertisers and the media are as brutal as a child when they try to flog their pills and potions. I’m sure that they want us to feel old and fat and insecure because insecure people are often willing to spend money on finding a cure for their insecurities. Almost daily I see an advert or link to a site that sells weight loss tablets.

And these little gadgets in our hands are now the conduit which connects these companies straight to us. These ads know who we are, what we look like, what we search for and what we want. They’re happy to oblige.

Another ad that regularly crops up on my social media feed is the miracle cure for baldness. So if any of you don’t know by now, I’m bald. The interesting thing here though is that they declare that they can ‘cure’ me.

Am I sick? Have I got a disease? Should I tell people to stand two metres apart and wash their hands while singing to Oasis if they accidentally touch my folically challenged smooth head? Is it life threatening? Please, tell me, doctors on my FB page, how long have I got left?!

Kids make the same diagnosis as these ads. Having worked with kids for the past year, I know that they are very keen to point out that I’m bald. I play on this, of course. I’ve been losing my hair for long enough to not care one bit about it. As we get caught in the rain playing football I will suggest that we go back inside so that I don’t get my hair wet. The chorus of kids shouting back at me ‘But you’re bald!!!” will forever amuse me.

And when I ask for a second opinion my own kids confirm the diagnosis of this baldness disease. They’re astute. The future of the NHS is safe.

These pills, potions and magical cures can be very costly. But one thing is free. The ability to love oneself is free and available to everyone. It’s sometimes difficult to find, but it can be found.

If losing weight is a goal then loving yourself at the beginning of the process makes the journey so much easier. We forgive those that we love. We wish the people we love the very best. We stand in their corner when they need someone to cheer them on. We give them good, honest advice.

So I don’t really need a Wonka-Vite to feel younger and I don’t need a cure for baldness. I already have a potion that makes me dance like a young John Travolta and sing Rock DJ like a top of his game albeit a little arrogant Robbie Williams circa 2000….

….It’s red wine.

And self love of course!

Power To The People!

A week without too many work appointments has given me time to think. I am, of course, in the middle of the school summer holidays and with a house to pack, but nevertheless, there are moments presented to me to think.

I think about my younger self quite a lot. Leigh, as I was called from birth, was an angry young man at times. By 18 I was a member of the Socialist Workers Party standing in the middle of Leeds City centre with my friends talking to the public about the injustices of society looking like an extra from Citizen Smith.

Along with a tattoo of Che Guevara on my arm, I dressed like I was ready for guerrilla warfare. And that is where my name Shay came from. My English friends would pronounce Che’s name with a Sh, instead of Ch. So they called me Shay.

I don’t regret my involvement with the SWP. They were well meaning people who were perplexed by the world around them. And I would never discourage anybody from being more active in politics. But it dragged me down. It had just turned 2002. World politics was very charged. I had to take a step back.

I used to think that I could change the world. But I soon found out that I couldn’t. Those who know me, however, know that they will hear my views on current affairs within ten minutes of meeting up with me. I don’t hide them.

I’ve always watched news programmes and read history books. I soon swapped The Beano for Alan Bullock’s Parallel Lives: Hitler And Stalin. I’d forfeit computer game nights with my mates for Question Time.

But I couldn’t just read or watch about the world we live in without forming strong opinions. Opinions that then made me want to change the way the world was.

It became increasingly frustrating for me when I began to realise that I couldn’t. Not in the way I wanted to. In the way I thought I should. I felt some responsibility for that.

It took me a long time to work out that the best way to change anything is to change my own attitude. I took control of who I hung around with, ridding myself of toxic people. I became incredibly choosy about the news outlets that I would observe. I would go for long walks when I felt anxious which then led to a love affair with the gym. I met and married a wonderful, caring person and now teach our children to be compassionate and kind human beings.

I’m not fighting the enemy in Bolivia. I’m not glueing myself to buildings. I’m not campaigning in the city centre streets. But I am trying to be the best version of myself that I possibly can. That’s all that I can ask of myself. I’ll always keep my principles close to me. They’re so close that you’ll see them worn on my sleeve. But I decided to pick my fights very carefully. That way, I stay in control of me. I have the power.

But if I can change myself, then I am in a much better place to make changes to the world around me. The people I am in contact with. The environment I am in. The future of those I love. And together we can make the world a brighter place.

Did you know that we release powerful hormones such as dopamine and serotonin when we smile or are smiled at?

Mother Theresa said that ‘Peace begins with a smile.’

Wouldn’t that be lovely? Perhaps giving yourself a smile in the mirror on a morning and telling yourself how fantastic you are will start that ripple effect. First on your family, then your work colleagues and even strangers in the street.

Now that’s changing the world.

I’ll leave you with a quote from the poet Rumi, who said, “Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise so I decided to change myself.”

Why You Should Own A Singing bowl

Before I was introduced to singing bowls or anything at all that represented meditation I was very sceptical about the benefits. Because of this, I feel that I’m in a pretty good place to encourage you in using a singing bowl.

After all, it is easier to convince a skeptic if you’ve been one yourself, right? Well, I think so.

It was no surprise to me that the Personal Trainers who had made body transformations and had made life changing acts themselves were the ones who were the most successful in recruiting new clients in the gym.

They had experienced both sides of the journey. They knew why people were failing in their fitness journey and they knew, going by their own experience, on how to put it right. No matter how good a PT is as a sales person, real life examples where a PT can give background to their story were always a winner.

So, back to the singing bowl. Sort of.

First of all I need to point out that I have always lived as an atheist or perhaps I’ve been also known to be called a humanist. I don’t believe in a god or the afterlife. Certainly not the afterlife that we have been taught by any religion that I know of.

The definition of humanism, according to Humanists UK, describes that ‘in the absence of an afterlife and any discernible purpose to the universe, human beings can act to give their own lives meaning by seeking happiness in this life and helping others to do the same.’

That said, then, how could I possibly entertain the possibility of owning a singing bowl? After all, didn’t they originate from Tibetan monasteries, owned by the monks? It certainly didn’t seem like something I could be enthusiastic about if it had a religious background. If I were to find happiness, I never felt that any religious practice would help my plight.

However, with further research into the singing bowl, I discovered that this isn’t the only reason why it is used. Other than the spiritually fuelled rituals that can be dated back 5,000 years in Mesopotamia, it also has a healing power that can be backed by science.

Ah! Science! Back in my comfort zone. Phew!

Researchers have discovered that, when filled with water, the vibrations of the singing bowl will lift and manipulate the water, causing droplets to dance across the surface in a choreographed way. Researchers found this by filming the process and slowing down the imagery.

Since humans are made up of around 70% water, it begins to make sense that these vibrations made by the bowl can manipulate the human body. The body can begin to harmonize with the bowl presenting opportunities for balance, healing and grounding.

Today’s western use of the singing bowl is often seen in yoga studios, where they can be used in yoga classes but also in sound baths, which is becoming increasingly popular as a form of sound healing along with gongs and chimes whilst meditating.

This isn’t just becoming more popular for adults. As you can see with my youngest child, Finlay, he is perfecting his technique with the singing bowl as he finds it a relaxing experience.

So, have I convinced you to own a singing bowl?

If so, it is important to do your research when purchasing one. Of course, as soon as they know that it is a profitable business, retailers are clambering all over each other to sell you any old tat that has no connection to their origins. They may be a little bit more expensive, but you will love the quality and sound of an authentic bowl hand made in Nepal from a reputable source for instance.

Insta grrrrrr!

I guess lots of budding authors, film makers and vloggers create content on certain blog sites and social media platforms to monetize their skills. They hone in on their skills and target audience, pay great attention to their editing, hashtags and algorithms and eventually have a product worth reading, viewing and selling.

My wife and I, on the other hand, have just spent two hours trying to get my Instagram account as admin to the new Road To Tranquility page which was set up on my wife’s account. We still have no clue on how to do it.

You see, we’re finding that we are becoming the aforementioned content creators by circumstance, not by our talent.

As small business owners who need to promote our products through exposure and without a team of media people to manage our accounts, it’s up to us to navigate our way through the digital world like The Chuckle Brothers putting up a tent.

Ah, tents. That’s a more familiar world. And, even though we will still hit the snags of setting up a glamping site in Portugal such as VISA, licencing, cost, weather conditions and language, nothing can be more difficult than syncing a bloody Instagram account!

But it makes me think, ‘why do I do it?’

Why bother setting up an account to document our adventures in setting up our business in Portugal? Why create a meditation podcast? Why write this article right now?

Well, the reason is simple really. I’m able to reach out to people like you. It allows me to communicate to like-minded people who also might have an interest in health, fitness and wellbeing. Other people might also have an interest in reading about my journey. There might be somebody who can relax to the meditation podcast. I might be able to make someone laugh. Perhaps something I do or write about might strike a chord in somebody else’s life. And for this reason, the tinterweb is fantastic.

But I can promise you one thing. I won’t be signing up to Threads!

Best Face

I parked the car and sat in silence to what seemed an eternity, staring at the brick wall in front of me. I felt almost paralyzed. Stuck in a time warp.

Suddenly with a large gasp of breath my body moved. I blinked. I snapped out of the motionless loop.

I calmed my breath, picked up my phone to write this and felt a sudden release for the feelings that my head was able to pour out.

In half an hour, I am meant to walk into the gym for what will be one of the final times to conduct a PT session. It’ll be a great session. It has been planned and my client is always willing to do their very best. The gym is nice too. It has some lovely people to meet.

Half an hour. Hmm. I’d best tap down my words with ultra speed. I haven’t got long. My hand is shaking which isn’t helping. Thank goodness for auto correct. My vision is cloudy. I blink a few times and I stare at this screen. Other than my eyelids and a tapping thumb it feels like an eternity since I last moved. My back will scream at me once I do. Once I can.

Half an hour. I’d best put my best face on which, if I’m being totally honest, feels lost right now. Will I find it in the glove box? Maybe in the boot of the car? No. But if I dig deep enough into my soul I know that I will find it. 8 years a PT, three years at the front of house in a busy restaurant and many many years supporting vulnerable people means that I have become very good at finding it when I need to. People rely on me. I commit to times and appointments and I keep them. My kids. My wife. I find it all the time.

Come on best face. I know you’re in there.

If only this feeling of adrenaline in my belly would go, perhaps I would be able to operate better. We know it better as ‘butterflies’. It’s currently whooshing up into my head which isn’t making it easy to think. Damn butterflies.

The more I try to place logic onto my current mood, the more it frustrates me. Here I am, now fifteen minutes away from stepping out of my car, walking the same path and entering the same building that I have done for the past four and a bit years and yet I feel that if I were to attempt it now, right this very instant, my feet would not move.

15 minutes. No *checks clock*, 13.

Franz Kafka wrote,”I was ashamed of myself when I realized life was a costume party, and I attended with my real face.”

My best face is my costume. I realized that my real face wouldn’t sell PT and would put the diners off of their meals at the restaurant. The only people who would truly understand my real face are the vulnerable people who I supported. They were often misunderstood by society too. Maybe that is what made them vulnerable. It has nothing to do with their behaviours or abilities, it’s just that society doesn’t understand them so it labels them ‘vulnerable’.

Vulnerable to what? Social media? War? Corruption? Too fucking right. Then perhaps we can all empathize with this vulnerability.

5 minutes. I need to bring my breathing back to its normal pattern.

4 minutes. I look outside of the car window. This time out of the passenger side. At least it has people mulling about out there. A sign that the world is continuing outside of my car.

3 minutes. I need to wrap this up. I hate being late.

2 minutes. I hear my mantra. ‘I am in control. I am in control of my body and my mind.’ Repeat, repeat, repeat.

1 minute. I’ll promise to give the best version of myself today and smash it.

No minutes left. Best face.

Quote Of The Week

Hello my friends.

Today I have just a short message of inspiration for you to think about and it comes from author Napolian Hill. He wrote…

“Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve.”

Now, it is important to remember that this is about what the mind can conceive and believe, therefore it refers to realistic outcomes. Within the fitness industry the acronym SMART is used. Which stands for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time. But actually, this can be used in any life goal.

I want to play for Liverpool FC but no matter how much I think about it I doubt Herr Klopp will be calling me up. So creating realistic, time bound goals is extremely important.

The other day I wrote an article about doubt and how this behaviour can cripple our future goals. We put far too many blockers in the way of our own journey instead of actually believing in ourselves.

There is a universal principle that states you will attract into your life whatever you focus on. It is something that I touch on regularly in my meditation guides. The impact over the course of a few sessions is very encouraging, enabling those who attend to realign their thoughts into a much more structured, positive outlook.

So conceive it, believe it, plan it and act on it.

Let’s see what you can achieve!

Spirit Guide

Episode 5 on my podcast channel is now available to listen to called Spirit Guide.

Whether you are spiritual or not, the power of energy can always help you in finding solutions to your future plans.

Check out my podcast, NGU Guided Meditation , on Spotify for Podcasters: https://anchor.fm/shay-durant-duckworth

Butterfly On A Wheel

The extremities that I see when it comes to the lengths that one will go to look a certain way never surprises me. Training myself in ‘back street’ gyms for years and then Personal Training others in a very busy commercial gym just outside of Leeds City Centre, anabolic steroids were always a part of the culture. Needle bins were often provided in the changing rooms, the selling of steroids were openly discussed and, even those who tried to be discrete, it was pretty obvious who used them. After all, if someone looks unnatural, they probably are.

The latest drug on the market, which is illegally sold in some bodybuilding supplement shops according to a recent report, is called Sarms. The tub states that it is ‘not for human consumption’ and is for ‘test purposes only’. However, the results from using such a product seems to be a hit with those wanting to gain extra muscle mass synthetically.

Last week a 30 year old bodybuilder influencer famous on social media died of an aneurysm. Although the connection between steroid use and the aneurysm has not been confirmed, it is possible that the negative effects of steroids such as aortic dissection, hypertension and atherosclerosis could have played a part.

I’ve always thought of the poem by Alexander Pope called Epistle To Dr Arbuthnot when I think of what one is willing to put their body through in order to feel stimulated by aesthetics, fame, money or competition. ‘Who breaks a butterfly upon a wheel?’

Surrounded by friends in the back street gyms, I saw first hand what they would do to be regarded as the strongest or the most ‘ripped’. And it had the desired effect. They had lots of attention in the bars and clubs as they bulged from their t-shirts. I should say that I dipped my toe in the world of steroids briefly only for guilt and a lack of cash to pay for it soon made me see sense. And so I remained the book end as my friends and I hit the town.

I feel that I got rewarded in later life. I am confident in a t-shirt and a pair of jeans (I have always admitted that I like to keep an aesthetically pleasing standard for my age) and I’m happy and healthy.

I just hope that my gym friends from 20 years ago can say the same.