Tag Archives: mental health

A Day To Start A New Routine

Since arriving in Portugal I’ve ticked off a few necessary jobs that had to be done. Driving my (potentially) new car yesterday was a nerve-wracking task that I had to get over as I had never driven outside of the UK before. Another ‘biggie’ today will be to view a house that we are looking to buy.

But before that, another essential task will be to begin a fitness routine. Regular readers of my blog will recall me saying that I was prepared to put any regular training regime on hold while I focused fully on moving my family out of the UK.

I had left the gym that I worked and trained from in the summer and my own bits of gym equipment had been gradually palletised over the past few months so access to heavy resistance was difficult. Time was also an issue as I have been putting every ounce of energy into the move every second of each day.

Stopping a daily training program can be dangerous. Excuses can always be found and, whether they may be good enough reasons or not, a plan to begin a training program in the near future must be a priority if we are serious about our fitness goals. My passion for mental and physical health (and aesthetics) has never waned. I’ve kept my calories in check throughout so that I haven’t spiralled too much. I’ve been desperate to begin training again. But other than a calisthenics routine, I have felt restricted.

Now, just to be clear. Calisthenics is a great way to train. This is by exercising using bodyweight only. So push ups, press ups, squats, Burpees etc are good examples. But it has never excited me in the same way as resistance training. And I like to feel excited by a new challenge such as a different weight or a new piece of gym kit.

Oh, and talking of new bits of gym kit, I decided to start my daily routine again by lifting breeze blocks and bottles filled with sand!

I do appreciate an unconventional method. I sometimes feel that the polished arrangement of a commercial gym can be off putting. Lifting heavy stuff in a Portuguese field with the view of the mountains, however, is something that can’t be bought with a gym membership. I just had to take advantage. Today was a day to start a new routine.

And I have little excuse not to. For a short time now this land and its gym is what I call home. Until we can find our new permanent home and create our new business, this is my life. I have energy and lots of thinking and meditating time in abundance. Sure the kids will keep me busy, and home schooling will be important to us until we find a permanent school. But that’s all part of finding this new routine.

I just know that my workouts will become an important part of it.

The Day Will Wait

As I was getting the kids ready for school this morning I, as always, ran around like a headless chicken from room to room collecting PE kits, lunch boxes etc but there’s an added load of stress at the moment.

Every room is full of half packed boxes awaiting our house move. Going from one room to another is like an episode of Ninja Warrior as I jump, skip and trip my way to the front door with my two kids under each arm ready to throw into the car.

And I’m sure, as I come back home after school drop off, the boxes at home have been breeding. They’ve multiplied. The task looks even more intimidating by the hour. Indeed, time is of the essence. But…

But I stopped looking.

I stopped looking and I lay on the sofa and closed my eyes. I began to recognise my breathing. Witnessing every intake of breath and appreciating the way my chest and stomach expands as I breath in deeply.

And slowly exhale.

The belly softens. My shoulders drop. My body relaxes.

For the sake of ten minutes, listening to my body, allowing my mind to stop, reflect and contemplate, I enabled myself to reconnect to the day.

The day will wait. I will get stuff done when I’m ready. I’ll finish this text, post it onto my site, put my phone down and get the day done as it was meant to be done.

Injury Time

You stand on the sideline watching your team defend their delicate one goal advantage as the onslaught of attack after attack comes at them. As the coach, there’s very little you can do now. You’ve set the team up, made the substitutions and given your encouragement from the dug out. They’re almost over the line, but you can’t rule out one last big chance falling to their number 9.

Ex Manchester United manager, Alex Ferguson called it ‘squeaky bum time.’

I hate the expression, but I get it. Even though it’s just a football match he’s referring to.

My family and I are in injury time. We’ve done the prep and a lot of the hard work. But perhaps, as we wait for a completion date, money transfers and an upcoming consulate meeting, our nerves will be tested in these final moments even more than the past 12 months. It could, as each email and phone call passes by, be the strongest we’ve had to be thus far.

The email from the solicitor feels like another aerial challenge inside our six yard area. The number of the estate agents coming up on our phone is like a penalty appeal from the opposition crowd. We just need the final whistle.

With a chain of house sellers and buyers behind us, we can only hope that we hear the final whistle soon. We’re fully aware of what the implications of a house sale involving a chain can be, even deep into injury time.

My clients have all heard me say these words before…Trust the process.

Indeed, a good coach will have meticulously accounted for every eventuality with their client. I’ve programmed for the positive times, where the client is motivated and keen. But then I have to programme the not so easy moments where the client feels low and doesn’t hit targets.

There needs to be a plan A, B, C and beyond! But as long as you trust the process then the end result will be the right one.

Some of the greatest football managers of my time have trusted 100% in their project. Ferguson, Guardiola, Klopp rely on their ability and the team that they have built.

And so a trainee must also believe in themselves and their coach. Achieving great things doesn’t work otherwise.

Lou and I trust our process in completing the sale of our house and successfully obtaining the VISA for our move to Portugal. And beyond that, we are fully confident in our ability to put our business plans into action.

But it doesn’t mean that we are sitting comfortably. After all, nobody wants to go to extra time and penalties.

Smoke And Mirrors

In light of the UK government’s recent announcement that they want to phase out the selling of cigarettes I thought that it would be remiss of me, as a fitness and wellbeing coach, to avoid the subject.

The problem is that when I proceed in talking about the UK’s current government on various platforms I can sense the ‘ban button’ being pressed.

However, I’m a fitness coach about to talk about smoking. I’m going to wholeheartedly agree with the government, right?

Well, no. In fact I find it a blatant attempt to gain votes in the next general election. The conservative government heavily relies on the older generation’s votes. And seeing as the over 65’s only make up around 8% of the smoking population it is bound to be a credible announcement to many of its potential voters. Especially when we are given the statistics on health related issues due to cigarette smoking and the burden this has on the National Health Service.

But hang on. Where do we draw the line here? According to NHS England the cost of smoking related costs to the NHS is £2.5 billion a year. Yet alcohol related illness costs £3.5 billion a year. And according to gov.uk, obesity costs the NHS a whopping £6.5 billion a year.

I think that we would all agree, these are serious issues in most western countries. Smoking, heavy drinking and obesity can contribute to ill health and therefore become a burden on the NHS in the UK.

As a fitness coach and as a father to two young boys, I would very much like smoking to be banned.

But as a realist I am going to aim for something different. I realise that there is a chance that my kids will try a ciggie with their mates and they probably drink alcohol before legal age. I don’t want them to, but if I manage the probabilities and potential outcomes then I think that I can navigate their moments of being pressured by their peers into exactly that, a kid trying to ‘fit in’ with their mates.

And when I consider all of the other stuff that kids can do to show off then trying a cigarette is the least of my concerns. Sex, class A drugs, bullying, dares along a rail track.

Blimey. If they just manage to throw a whity after trying a B&H then I’ll relieved!

I stopped smoking when I found out that Lou was pregnant with Jonas, so ten years ago. I regret smoking now and often think of the damage that I might have caused and how much money it will have cost. But I also remember sharing a cig with a friend who had just lost their dad. I remember the Cuban cigar on honeymoon as Lou and I lay on the Carribbean sand together. I remember making a few rollies for my bricky mates as we shared a banter over a lunch break. And I remember talking to total strangers in the rain outside a nightclub as we huddled together to try to stay dry before going back inside.

Now, I’m not condoning smoking, but I’m not going to condemn it either.

I grew up at a time when smoking was not just legal, but very much widely accepted. The adverts on TV, the daily newspapers and the magazines were ones which told us that smoking would give us a better social standing, greater health and a better life.

Although we now know this to be untrue, for those who have smoked cigarettes in the past we can perhaps see the benefits at the time. Whether to calm our nerves, to enjoy a moment with a cig and a cuppa, or as a social norm.

And if the media and the companies with their billions of pounds advertising campaigns are telling us that it is something that we should be doing, then it is perfectly reasonable to suggest that the pleasures of smoking cigarettes has been worming into our behaviour for centuries.

Indeed, the first cigarette ad campaign was in 1789 in America. How, then, are we supposed to just ban something that is so ingrained into our western society?

During PT consultations, clients would sometimes sheepishly tell me that they smoked. People seem to see me as a preacher for all things healthy. I’m really not. Like I say, I’m a realist. Rather than vilify them and tell them that they should quit, I ask them what steps THEY want to make to feel fitter, happier, healthier. Pizzas aren’t banned, wine isn’t banned, smoking isn’t banned. Not on my shift. My clients will make their own judgements on what they need to do in their own time.

If I were to start banning things from their life, they would do what many of us would do. Rebel. Us humans hate to be told what to do. We like to realise it for ourselves.

The bottom line is this…

I don’t think that banning cigarettes will make us or our children happier or healthier. I agree that certain products that we can legally buy should come with advisories, but allow us to make our own choices free of manipulating ad campaigns and I am confident that we can make good choices.

And if the parties that we vote for can be honest, then perhaps we can make better choices on voting day.

Sycamore Tree

Sometimes, I feel like a tree.

I can stand tall and firm during stormy weathers, despite my leaves and branches looking a little dishevelled from the whole experience.

I am frequently visited and loved by many, I know. But I can feel lonely and vulnerable too.

People come and talk to me and ask me stuff. Yes me! A tree! I try to give good advice. I have, after all, some years of experience at living life.

I am beautiful.

They can kick me. They can cut me down. They can destroy me.

But I am not the problem. They are.

And for all their destruction, my energy will continue to give the people who I love and who love me the strength that they need to carry on.

Sometimes, I feel like a tree. But I’m not. I am so grateful to share this planet with a tree because I’m not worthy.

I am beautiful. But I’m not a tree.

Never Change, Finlay

For a few years now Lou, Finlay and I have watched Jonas lift the trophies, receive the accolades and praise of the teachers and sports coaches which has been a joy. But there has always been a sadness in my heart when I sat applauding him as he has his pictures taken with the players at Scarborough Athletic and I look at Finlay and wish ‘when can Finlay have his moment?’

Jonas received his swimming badges before Finlay, he became the school sports star, was known as the class maths whizz, had the striking curly hair that the old ladies loved to fuss over in the street. Finlay has always looked on.

Now, of course, Finlay is two and a half years younger, so Jonas would always reach certain developmental milestones ahead of Finlay. But I could see that Finlay felt overshadowed. Or maybe, it’s us as parents that have felt this on behalf of Finlay. He has always shown support towards his big brother and he has never complained.

However, Finlay became the comedian. His attempts, I believe to stand out and be seen, was to be the ‘class clown’.

And I know this because that was me as a kid and then into adulthood. Even now, I’m never too far away from telling a crap joke. At school I was always one of the first to be picked for sports teams. That was never an issue. But in class and amongst my peers, I always felt on the periphery. I wanted an identity. Being ‘sporty’ just wasn’t enough. I had all this creative energy waiting to burst out of me and as a teenager this came out by writing poetry, stand up routines and comedy sketches. I got more joy out of hearing someone laugh than scoring a winning goal.

Today Finlay received his first ever certificate of achievement at his school. We were invited to the assembly and Lou and I beamed with pride. It was awarded for always giving his 100% in his work.

I want Finlay to understand that he is his own person. He doesn’t have to follow in his brother’s footsteps of being a footballer. I’d much rather he didn’t! He doesn’t have to be good at whatever Jonas is good at. Finlay just needs to be Finlay, doing what he is doing and turning into a wonderful young boy.

Never change, Finlay, never change.

The Squirrel At Shuttleworth Garden

It’s a beautiful September morning in Scarborough, England today. The sun is shining, the air is crisp and the sea gently glistens. For all my needs to leave for Portugal, I can’t imagine a better setting for what could be my last ever personal training session in the UK.

The park at Shuttleworth garden once again provides a wonderful outdoor gym. The views are spectacular of the sea and the castle in the distance. The animals came to observe what I was doing too. One squirrel in particular seemed very interested in my kettlebell.

This park is special to me. Once lockdown restrictions were relaxed and exercise in parks were permitted, this was one of the parks I would use. The lady who I trained today is special too as I trained her throughout 2020 and has been a weekly trainee with me for over four years now. So her dedication has been fantastic. Next week, if the weather is as lovely as today and I have the time in-between packing etc, I’d like to think we could get one more session in at Shuttleworth garden.

I like to live in the moment so I often forget to take pictures. I also didn’t want any unnecessary movements to scare the squirrel away, but I think I captured the moment that the squirrel scurried over to see what I was doing as I set up my equipment.

Maybe he wanted to join in, but that would be nuts.

Mr Bean Volume 4 And The Portuguese Consulate

The empty Mr Bean DVD box has been hanging around the house for years. And when we do find the disc, we can’t find the box to put it in. This has been happening since 2020. I only know that because a lot of things got stored in unusual places during several DIY projects in the first lockdown. Things that were scattered about wherever the kids like to hang out were pretty much scooped up and put into random cupboards and drawers. Just the other day a plastic piece of joke poo jumped out at me as I opened the kid’s wardrobe. At least, they tell me it was plastic poo.

But during a time when I have loads to do in preparing for a move to Portugal, including packing stuff we actually need, booking consulate appointments, liaising with the solicitor to set up our business and work appointments, searching for a Mr Bean DVD was not a priority. It certainly didn’t warrant 2 hours of my time!

I think I’ve figured out the problem with me here. I’m overthinking the process. I can’t see the wood for the trees. And yet I’ve simplified the process slightly by hiring solicitors to guide us. It’s why we decided to hire them. We were told that we could save money by doing the VISA and business set up ourselves, but we need to get it right otherwise money and time could be lost in the long run.

Just like hiring a car mechanic to service your car, a plumber to check out your dodgy boiler or a personal trainer to program your fitness journey, sometimes it is reassuring to know that a professional has your back.

But our solicitor won’t help me find the Mr Bean DVD. These are the finer details that I’m concerning myself with because I feel overwhelmed by the big stuff. That’s my problem. And I realise that this happens to so many people in regards to their health and fitness. I’ve heard everybody’s ‘Mr Bean Volume 4 DVD’ stories. They can’t find their gym trainers. It’s too warm or too cold. They’ll wait for when their mate can go with them. They can’t afford a membership (despite finding money for alcohol and takeaways) or they’re injured.

Most of the time, they’re just looking for a DVD that has no impact at all on what their actual goals are. They’re not wanting to face the real truths of what has to be done. They want it. More than anything! They want to feel fitter, stronger, happier. But some days it is difficult to find a starting point. Planning is useful. Hiring a PT is great. Booking gym classes helps keep a schedule. But that pesky DVD needs to be found, right?!!!

Well, no, it doesn’t. But at the time it does. At the time it feels like the most important part of the process.

I know what I have to do and I do have the reassurance that, if I am not providing the correct information for the likes of the Portuguese Consulate, I have a solicitor guiding me through it all.

But from time to time, I just need to look for the Mr Bean Volume 4 DVD.

Xinjiang Highway

The Xinjiang highway fascinates me. Stretching for 6214 miles and winding up and down mountainous cliff sides, it is said to be China’s longest highway. It is quite treacherous too. The weather conditions, high altitude, wild animals, a lack of water, food and fuel for miles and miles can make this road a difficult journey.

But when I see images of this road, it reminds me of something else. It reminds me of your journey towards your goals. And mine of course.

So this is just a quick message to remind you that your path to success will not be linear.

During my training I can get a run of some great days in the gym. I feel strong. I stay an extra half hour to get out a few more sets. I feel good. But some days it feels like I’m travelling up hill and turning back on myself on a dog leg bend.

I’m currently devoting a lot of my time to learning Portuguese. And again, there are times when I’m cruising to being fluent and bilingual. But then come the moments when I can’t even remember how I would greet anyone in Portuguese. I feel like giving up some days, but I have to remind myself of the reasons for doing it. I HAVE to, so I will do it.

It’s important to know that you will suffer the same in whatever goals you want to achieve. And just because the path seems to wind into a different direction, don’t panic. If you have faith in the journey then follow it.

Prepare yourself in the best way possible. Know the distance, fill the tank with fuel, take plenty of water and food, rest often and bring along a mate going the same way if you want and you’ll reach your destination.