Tag Archives: mental health

What Is Your Motivation Today?

If there is one guarantee in life it is that the mainstream gyms will be buzzing with new members who have promised themselves a healthier start to the year. The new year’s resolutioners. And their journey, hopefully, is a great one. I know lots of people who started a successful journey based on a new year’s resolution. But there are many who don’t have the same success. They give up. This message is for anybody who has just begun their journey and how they can stay on track.

It is common knowledge between Personal Trainers that the gym looks like this every new year…

The January Rush

Especially in the mainstream gyms, it can be difficult to get onto any of the equipment due to the influx of new members mixed with the regulars. The PT can spot the new member immediately. They flit from one machine to the other with little direction. Form, especially in the free weight section, can be erratic. But for the most part the new member will stick to machines.

The PT will begin to plant the seed that you might need their help. They might offer an induction or consultation straight away if they are pushy, but also a good PT will simply just be present to answer questions.

The February Frustrations

Despite January being great for the gym, it is not necessarily the best month for a PT. A new member won’t generally just sign up with a PT they’ve just met. Also, most people think that they can do it by themselves. After all, how difficult can working a treadmill be? But new members can have unrealistic targets and in no way is a treadmill (or any machine) the best place to start. Frustrations arise. They’re not seeing the results they expected.

Their gym visits become less regular unless, and this is where the patient PT reaps the rewards, the member asks for help, tips, advice and a price list.

The March Sleepers

A sleeping membership is a reference to a gym member who pays for a membership but does not attend its services. By march and the dust has settled, according to statists, about 18% of people paying for a gym membership become sleepers. They have lost motivation, got bored, found other interests or just found life getting in the way.

What To Do Before You Get To March!

* Seriously consider a good PT. They’ll stick out a mile. Watch their interactions with their current clients. Approach them for advice. They should give free advice without being too pushy. If they’re too pushy then they’re desperate for custom. If they say that they’re really busy but will try to find a slot for you then they’re lying. There’s always room for a new client. Some trainers also work online with clients without the face to face sessions. This works out cheaper but can be a good option because of my next piece of advice…

* The biggest reason for people quitting the gym is their motivation (or lack of it). A good PT should be able to give you the determination and motivation that you need. Almost every day they should be asking ‘how do you feel today?’ and tracking your workout progress, offering challenges and fun targets. You don’t need to see them in person for them to do that.

* But if employing a PT is still something that you don’t want to do then consider this quote from author Zig Ziglar…”People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing, that’s why we recommend it daily.”

You see, your motivation needs working on daily. Just because you ate the full box of Quality Streets on Christmas day and promised yourself a gym membership doesn’t mean you’ll give a shit come March. After all, there are 18% of gym members who don’t.

Every Sunday I would ask my clients to plan their meals and their gym visits for the week. Have they booked the classes they wish to attend? Do they have packed lunch ideas for work so that they don’t feel the need to stop off at Gregg’s or Maccy D’s?

Any of my clients who were having a tough time of it (everybody does, even professional athletes) I would ask them for their reasons why they came to me. In some way, it was a call for help. But why?

I’ve had just about every reason given to me over the ten years that I worked in mainstream gyms and online. From eating disorders, beating depression or self harm, a charity run and to making the next Olympics. Plus, there were many of my clients who simply wanted to feel better about themselves and feel that they were doing something proactive.

I would ask them to give themselves 5 minutes each morning as they open their eyes to think about these reasons. What would achieving their target for that day mean to them? How does it make them feel? What about not doing it? How does that affect their mood by the end of the day?

This ‘self assessment’ should be done daily. And with it we will find the reason why we do it. I love a workout, but I need my daily motivation too! I need to know my ‘why?’. I have two small children. I want to be healthy enough to see them grow up. I want to be active enough to play football with them and (in later life) my grandkids. My wife and I are starting up a new business in a different country. I need to be mentally strong for the challenges ahead and exercise keeps my focus. I want to look and feel good about myself and when I’m really old I want to be able to get out of a chair unaided. My motivation isn’t about staying alive so much as having a quality of life as I get older.

We will all have our reasons, but it’s remembering them and acting on it daily that will take you past March in the gym.

Good luck friends.

Orange Is The New Snack

I don’t do new year’s resolutions. I tend to just work with the moment. If I need to lose a few pounds to fit more comfortably in my jeans then I’ll just either lose a few pounds or I’ll buy a bigger pair of jeans. I’ve learnt to be happy in doing either of those.

But seeing as we’ve recently acquired six orange trees in a part of the world that don’t do takeaway meals, that moment it seems, has arrived.

This evening, as I peeled an orange from our tree, I said to Lou that I don’t think I’ve ever eaten so healthily over the Christmas period. Don’t get me wrong, I do try to stick to some sort of a plan for nutritional reasons at any time of year, but the tubs of celebrations and bowls of salted peanuts and crisps always make an appearance. But either these traditional British Christmas snacks don’t exist in Sertá or they are imported at the expense of the consumer. And I’m not prepared to pay over ten euros for a bag of Nobby’s Nuts.

The oranges are free from the garden.

So after some research I’ve found that the trees dotted about the land are called navel orange trees. With no snacks in the cupboard and no obligatory one or two takeaway meals during the Christmas and new year period, I’ve found myself peeling an orange each evening.

Now, it has to be said, I have always hated oranges. The peel would get under my nails. My fingers would be sticky and would smell. It would squirt in my eye as I wrestled with the peel. The pips would get in the way of any sort of enjoyment of eating an orange.

I have peeled so many oranges in my life. My previous work meant that I peeled at least three a day in residential and day care settings. My kids eat oranges and my life got a little easier with ‘easy peelers’. Thank goodness for easy peelers! It didn’t, however, change my mind on oranges. Messy fuckers.

And then I picked a juicy piece of sun from a tree.

The move to rural Portugal was not by accident. Much of our motivation to choose the Castelo Branco region was its lack of fast food restaurants, pubs and bars and traffic. We wanted to take our family where we could try to live a simpler, healthier lifestyle. The temptation of a Greggs pasty is no longer there for me. The local supermarkets are stocked with their traditionally prepared bacalhau and other varieties of sea food and local fresh produce. Yes, they have junk food too. But I’m beginning to overlook it. I’ll wait and pick an orange when I get home.

I have always told my clients that you will always want to eat what you have available to you. If you buy it and take it home, it will be calling you at 10pm willing you to take it from the cupboard and eat it.

It is often said that a fitness goal begins in the kitchen. I would say it begins in the supermarket. You can’t eat something that you don’t buy in.

And it is extremely difficult, I know. Nobby always wanted me to grab his nuts. But I want a fresh start in making better health choices.

My new love affair with the orange is real. You could say it’s tang-erine-able.

Orange is the new snack.

Remember This Going Into Your New Year…

Wow. Some year huh?!

I hope that this year has been a prosperous one for you. I hope that, whatever you set out to do at the beginning of this year, you have succeeded or are on the right path in reaching it.

But it is important to know that whatever you want to achieve in this coming year, it is done for you. Nobody else.

Sure, you’ll get support from the ones who you can put your trust in. You know the ones. They proved before that they will pick you up when you’re down and go out of their way to help you out.

But then you will come across those who place expectations upon you and sneer at your downfalls or shortcomings. You will never please these people so you don’t even need to concern yourself in trying to. For these people, you just need to limit your time around them. Don’t hate them. Don’t become them.

I came across a quote the other day and it made a lot of sense to me but, forgive me, I’ve tried to find the owner of this quote but I don’t know who it is. Maybe you do? It says…

“No matter how good you are, people will judge you according to their mood and needs.”

Not all people. As I say, you know the ones. But you’ll get a little alarm bell that sounds in your head when you speak to someone who will.

It might be a snigger as you tell them about your fitness goal or a mocking shake of the head as you express yourself about a lost relationship or job opportunity.

You know the face they pull, right? The ‘how did you ever think you could date that person?’ look.

Maybe their needs and mood could be helped by your supportive attention, but it’s not your job. Just make sure that you protect you first of all. You can’t help anybody if you aren’t protecting yourself first of all.

So let’s start thinking about what you want to achieve in 2024. Think big. But remember that some people won’t want you to get there, no matter how good you become at striving for it.

Leaving The Comfort Zone

Since Jonas was five he has played football for Scarborough Athletic. He was only able to train with the under 7’s team as he was too young, but once the new season started, he was able to play official matches.

Now ten, he has a new challenge coming up. Soon he will begin training with his new team, Sertanense, a club based in Sertá, central Portugal, ready for the new season in September.

Both Jonas and his younger brother Finlay will be starting a new school in Portugal in the new year and this is the biggest challenge of all seeing as it will include learning a new language (it is a local school and not an international school). It also means that they’ll not be with us every hour of every day which has been the case for the past few months as we made the permanent move.

Things are happening quickly for them. Lou and I don’t know how they will react on the morning of the 3rd of January when we take them to their new school. So far, when we talk about it, the signs are good. But to them it’s still Christmas. January might seem a distance yet. In reality it is a week today as I write this.

Finlay seems to want to take up a martial art as his extra curricular activity. He plays football, but it seems a bit more forced because he just joins in what Jonas is doing. But he doesn’t seem to have that passion for it. He doesn’t like watching it, whereas Jonas will analyse a period of play and talk about positioning during a game on TV. I’ve had play fights with Finlay. I think Karate or Judo will be a good choice for him. He’ll be a black belt in no time.

I’m trying not to transfer my fears onto the boys. What I mean by that is maybe I’m more scared than they are. They might just walk into school without any issues. Jonas might run onto the training pitch with 20 other kids with no problems. Maybe it’s me who has the nerves.

I hated new beginnings. The start of a new school term and definitely a new school still makes me shudder. And I never really pursued any extra curricular stuff as a kid because it meant meeting new people. I just stayed in the safe zone as much as possible.

But there’s a little bit of our move which is exactly for this purpose. We wanted to take ourselves and our kids out of the safe zone. A couple of years ago I never expected to be speaking Portuguese to a postal worker in a sorting office with no knowledge of English about my missing post. But I did that today. It’s a little achievement, but a massive confidence boost that he actually understood me.

I’ve been driving along cliff edges on an unfamiliar side of the road in rural Portugal. We bought an old farm house that we intend to make into a well being centre and guest house. Individually, each one of us has a zone which becomes out of their comfort. Mine might not seem like much to some people, but I’m enjoying finding my zone and continuing to challenge it.

And that’s the ultimate goal for my kids. That they can feel the discomfort in walking into a new class room, karate group or football pitch, thrive and grow from it and enjoy their achievements. Overcoming new and different experiences can make us more rounded, happier people.

I always told my new clients this whenever they felt like entering the gym became too much for them. Gyms can be an intimidating place. That’s why just stepping into the gym as a new member is the first goal. Not a deadlift or 20 minute treadmill run, but just entering the gym. From then on, with consistency, each visit gets easier to do.

Perhaps you have a new challenge that you want to focus on in the new year? My advice is to take that first step. It might mean leaving your comfort zone, but it’ll feel all the more sweeter when you overcome it.

I’ll keep you informed on mine and my family’s achievements in the coming weeks. Be sure to tell me yours.

Heroes

As a child I would watch my sporting heroes who would inspire me and enable me to dream of one day following them in their achievements.

Just to name a few, sportspeople like Paul ‘Gazza’ Gascoigne, Jimmy ‘The Whirlwind’ White and Andre Agassi excited me as they performed in their professional sport. They excited me because, although they were never considered the very best, they had an abundance of character to compete with those who were. A part of their edge is perhaps also down to the fact that they have each had their own mental health struggles.

Gazza

And it appeared to me as I watched a recent Netflix documentary about Robbie Williams that most of the ‘famous’ people that I like or admire have mental health problems.

For some reason I’ve always followed William’s career. I don’t even like his type of music. But I could see, from afar, that he was desperately unhappy. The cheeky chappy who always wanted to play the clown and say something controversial, act differently and seem to go out of his way to be disliked. That was me as a teenager and young man. And seeing as we’re of similar age, he connected with me.

Similarly with Gazza. As a young footballer I wanted to be him. I watched World Cup Italia ’90 as a 12 year old in absolute awe of what Gazza could do with a football. I’m sure many kids did. He played for Spurs, I supported Liverpool and my mates supported Manchester United or Leeds. But it didn’t matter. That summer, we all had Gazza T-shirts on under our England shell suits.

None of my idols admitted to any sort of mental health issues, though. Yes, there had been drugs and alcohol issues, getting into trouble with the law and well documented domestic issues, but they never actually came out and said ‘I am depressed’ or ‘I need help’. Certainly not publicly.

This week, England and Saracens rugby captain Owen Farrell has made a statement saying that ‘in order to prioritise his and his family’s wellbeing’, he will be taking a break from International duties. This coming from a man who has lived and breathed the sport in an extremely masculine environment is highly commendable. Yes, winning World Cups and Six Nations trophies are important. They train incredibly hard for that moment. But it is not as important as an individual or their family’s mental health. Being an elite athlete is about recognising that. He did and he has acted on it.

Owen Farrell

Another of my idols, albeit a bit before my time, is Bill Shankly. He once said, “Some people believe that football is a matter of life and death. I am very disappointed with that. I can assure you it is much more important than that.”

With the world that we live in I am sure many people will qualify in justifiably being able to disagree with him. Sport is sport. Life is life. However, as a coach myself I can understand exactly what he means. During a training session of mine or a client’s, I expect that to be the only thing that matters in that moment. Whatever is going on outside of the gym must be parked there. That is how we achieve fitness results and how elite sportspeople achieve medals and trophies. But inevitably we have a life away from that, even the professionals who are making a living from their sport. They have families. They have feelings. They are fallible. No matter what their earnings are, where they live or what car they drive, mental health does not care. It can take a hold of anybody.

Perhaps mental health is, at last, being talked about much more openly than it used to be. I knew, even as a kid, that these sportspeople that I idolised were different from their counterparts. Their behaviours didn’t always fit the acceptable requirements of their team, professional body that they represented or the media. But did they even know that they had mental health concerns? Even if they did, what options did they have?

The UK in the 80’s and 90’s was a very different place to be an upcoming sports superstar to what it is now. For the likes of Gazza, he had to perform in front of terraces known for chanting fans abusing the footballers for anything they could. Any sort of ‘weakness’ or admittance to needing help would have been disastrous for him and his career. And this baying mob mentality was led by the written press at the time. They loved his antics, but I often wondered if they were laughing with him or at him.

In my opinion, social media has nothing on the British tabloids of the 90’s. Social media has, for every bad, a cause for good too. The tabloids, however, could ruin you in an instant if you didn’t stick to its narrative. It’s hard to imagine a rugby player talking about mental health back then. So, though saddening to hear that Owen Farrell feels that he needs to step down from his England duties, it is encouraging to know that he can without being abused for it. At least from the majority of us decent folk.

Heroes aren’t just the ones who lift the trophy at the end of a game.

The Brick Wall

For those of you who read my blogs from afar you might not see my family’s move to Portugal as anything too big. But for those who have followed my journey and who know me personally will know that it is absolutely massive.

The fact is that my decision to move from the UK to Portugal came from me (or my wife and I) hitting a brick wall.

This brick wall was making us unhappy. We felt that, month upon month, we could not pay mortgage bills, rent bills on our businesses, council tax and food and energy bills. There was no way of planning a holiday for the kids. Our savings since COVID was depleted. Our brick wall was getting thicker and higher.

You too might feel that you have a brick wall. Let me tell you now that you can climb it, dig under it, hell you can kick your way through it, but never let a brick wall break you. You can come through the other side.

Your brick wall might be totally different to mine, but if it is making you unhappy and restricting your happiness then it is there.

I always had a need to travel, yet career moves and kids meant that I had to stabilise my life at that time. It was only in 2016, after the referendum for the UK to leave the EU did I know that I would leave my home. But at the time my career was just taking off as a Personal Trainer and my kids were babies. It was, we felt, not the right time.

And as much as I always threatened to leave the UK it only became a reality when I felt that I could no longer afford to live there. I hit the brick wall. And to put that into perspective, my mortgage had doubled in the UK from October and council tax was almost £300 a year. In Portugal, we are mortgage free and council tax is 20€ a year. A 5 litre box of quaffable wine is under 5€ too. Bonus.

I’m not here saying, hey, look at me! Look at how well we’re doing! Blimey. There’s a long way to go for us yet. We’re still renting from one place to the next until our house purchase goes through. We’ve been living like this since September and expect to be until late January as we still await a reply from a school for our kids.

Also, there is a whole lot of work to do on the property that we have bought to become liveable and profitable for our business. Something that you will be able to see on our Road To Tranquility Facebook and YouTube pages plus Channel 4’s A New Life In The Sun in series 10.

The Brick wall is still palpable. But we still keep climbing, digging, bulldozing and beating down this bloody wall. It won’t get in our way.

Never let a brick wall get in your way. Whatever you want, overcome it and reach the other side. Don’t let it beat you.

Eat The Frog First To Overcome Daily Lethargy

Eating the frog first is a phrase I heard some years ago to describe how training, doing an exercise class or a long walk/jog first thing in the morning can enable you to develop a healthy daily routine.

This saying, I believe, was made by Mark Twain to prioritize difficult tasks. He went on to say that if there are two frogs, eat the biggest one first.

It certainly helped me. I preferred a morning workout. It helped me complete other daily tasks throughout the day as I felt more motivated, more confident in my skin and it made me make better meal choices for that day.

And I am finding that this rule can assist in creating a productive routine for my kids at the moment. As those familiar with my blogs will know, my wife and I are currently buying a home in Portugal. Our boys haven’t yet got a school so we are homeschooling them. As each minute of the day passes we find that we are losing their interest to open up a text book as the lure of the pool, football in the garden and iPads take over.

And they are important too, of course, but as parents it is also our duty to keep up with their learning, especially as learning Portuguese is at the core of it.

But it isn’t just them who lets the day slip away without any schooling. If my wife and I don’t hit the ground running in the morning it is very easy to fall into the trap of allowing ourselves to consider this moment to be a vacation. There are many things that keep reminding us that it is not, however, such as ongoing contract negotiations between us and the house vendors and the unfinished business we are tying up in the UK. But these are yet more reasons to postpone the schoolwork.

Simply put, if we are to proceed with a healthy, stress free day we need to get all of the crappy stuff done early. We need to eat the frog first so that we can enjoy the yummy tasty things on the plate without worry.

The Next Right Thing

Navigating our way through life is a complicated one. We do our best. Blimey, we try. But sometimes the anxiety of our past and what is in store for our future can be a constant buzzing around our head.

With it all swirling about, we miss our nearest targets. And they’re the most important ones. In resistance training terms, I use the ‘cycle’ of training programming to reach certain goals. I’ll explain…

We might have an ultimate fitness goal of losing 60 pounds in a year. This is called a macrocycle. Macrocycles are long term goals. Athletes, especially Olympians, can even have a macrocycle target set for 4 years time which is where they are expecting to be at their peak fitness for their main event.

But having this target of losing 60 pounds within a year is not enough. That is why, in the fitness industry, we implement mesocycles. This represents the different phases of training throughout a program and could depend on seasonal adjustments for example. Again, athletes will train for strength or endurance leading up to certain events depending on what is required of them to achieve winning a meet.

But we need to break it down even further. So we use microcycles. If we go back to the 60 pound weight loss in a year goal, a microcycle can be a weekly gym plan with a calorie or nutrition target. It can even be shorter than that. It can be a daily target. Shorter still? Every meal could be calorie controlled and every gym set can be weight and rep monitored.

Very often when I speak to weight loss clients, they have a very clear idea of their macro target (“I want to lose 60 pounds by this time next year”). Their mesocycle targets are usually a little less clear but can be managed (“I want to fit into this *insert item of clothing* by the summer”).

But their microcycle almost becomes none existent. And in 90% of my client base over the past ten years, I have found that it is the microcycle that is the most important bit for them and where the role of the PT has become essential. It has been their next gym visit or daily meal plan.

You see, some people might be able to book their place for next year’s Tough Mudder and break their training time down into cycles. For the rest of us, we need to just do the next right thing.

Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung once received a letter simply asking him ‘how to live’. Jung admitted in his reply that this was an almost impossible question to answer, but he did attempt an explanation. He said…

“If you always do the next thing that needs to be done, you will go most safely and sure footedly along the path prescribed by your subconscious. Then it is naturally no point at all to speculate about how you ought to live. And you know, too, that you cannot know it, but quietly do the next and most necessary thing.”

My interpretation of this is about doing ‘the next right thing’. This could be going for a walk, booking an exercise class, preparing a nutritious meal, calling on a relative you haven’t spoken to for a while or meeting up for a coffee with a friend. The next right thing is YOUR thing, nobody else’s.

I heard the quote ‘doing the next right thing’ on the soap opera Coranation Street the other day. Having studied Jung many years ago I recalled his reply after hearing the quote on TV.

In the soap opera, the character asked her friend how she coped with the tragic death of her young son. Her friend said that she didn’t cope and never will, but each day is just about doing the next right thing.

We all live with some sort of grief, regret, anxiety or doubt. But if you can manage the next right thing in your life then it is a step closer to some sort of comfort. It can, in many cases, lead to not just a strategy of coping, but to enlightenment and happiness.

Think now about your next right step. What are you going to do?

Hand Harvesting Olives

With the sale of our house in the UK at a critical period, the perfect time spent to put that to the back of our minds was to begin harvesting the olives in our rented space in Portugal.

The other day, as I walked past a local family harvesting their olives, I was astonished at how quickly they cleared their olive trees of olives. It was done with expert precision.

Our efforts today, however, might have seemed a little amateurish compared to our neighbours’ skills. Nevertheless, this was a moment to learn something new and as we discovered, a time to think.

Thinking clearly becomes difficult when there are so many plates to spin. Perhaps you’ve felt the same way at times too? It can feel like you’re taking on one too many plates and the only outcome you can visualise is one where the plates come crashing down.

Standing in a field, then, picking olives from the many trees, seemed like a much needed respite from the spinning plates.

And this is not an activity to be taken lightly in Portugal. Olive cultivation is big business and one of the oldest traditions in the country. It’s fun too.

Some time ago I wrote an article about my ‘happy place’. This was when I was walking along Cleveland Way in Scarborough, UK, and my family and I went berry picking. The kids were happy to explore their natural surroundings, learn about foraging and discovering what they could make with their newly picked berries.

No screens, no rush to be elsewhere, just living in the moment with nature. Today enabled me to feel that again as we harvested the olives. It humbled and grounded me. I think it did with the kids too. Finding them a school in their new home is paramount, but standing in a field learning new cultural standards comes a very close second.

Tomorrow we have many more trees to strip. Along with some textbook homeschooling and more phone calls to get our house sale over the line, I’ll be looking forward to standing in our field again.