Some movie directors don’t just make great movies. They know that what they produce will be a master class, but it is the ease in which they can add their subtle in jokes, social commentary, artistic influences or homages to other bodies of work without distracting the audience away from the story.
Think Hitchcock with his cameo appearances or the use of Starbucks cups in almost every scene of Fight Club. These are known as Easter eggs that the viewer can hunt during the movie. Other hunts to look out for is the use of Tarantino’s very own imagined brand of cigarettes throughout his movies, Red Apple. Or the use of oranges in The Godfather trilogy. If you spot an orange in one of those movies, it is likely to lead to the death of a key character.
Fincher added the Starbucks cups as a metaphor for the corporate influence in everyday life.
These aren’t meant as a distraction maybe in the way that a Macguffin is (I’ve written about that too!), but more of a signature from the artist. It is something that can be detected throughout their work. It is uniquely theirs.
Well, although I’m not in Hollywood and I’m not a famous movie director, I want to be a great in the art of movie making. It’s just that this movie will be of my own life.
We’re all making our own movies. We can create the ups and downs of a drama, the twists and turns of a thriller. We can create the laugh out loud comedy moments and, like it or not, direct our own horror.
And a great director can tell the story and even add in the Easter egg too! But it isn’t about being accepted by others. A good director will create something that they want to create, not what is expected of them. Kubrick, Hitchcock and Tarantino are three of my favourite directors, but have never won a best director Oscar. Sergio Leone was never even nominated.
But what do that all have in common? They are blaze trailers at what they do and not just followers of a common theme that satisfies the masses. Sure, they became popular from making great movies. But them ripping up the genre rule book is what made them great, not because they were trying to be popular. This, it seems, irritated mainstream Hollywood to the point that it overlooked some of the greatest directors of our time.
We can still be great directors of our own lives without satisfying everyone. I’d even go as far as to say that, if you don’t piss a few people off you’re not doing it right.
We need to hire the best actors and extras onto our set. We should experiment with different scenery. We can write our own script. And we can do it all without having to please everyone. But remember to spice things up a little and add your own Easter egg hunt. It keeps things interesting!
I’ve recently watched a comedy/drama programme called Breeders. It was created by Martin Freeman who also plays the stressed out father in the show. In one episode he says to his 13 year old son “As a parent you make over a hundred decisions a day and you just hope that you get them right.”
Of all the decisions I’ve had to make in my life, those on the behalf of my kids have been easily the most challenging.
Since becoming a father I have changed. I see the world very differently now and, in many ways, I try to see it from their perspective. It is them who have to live in this world now. True I’m not old or ‘passed it’, but I also think that I’ve had my day. If I died tomorrow I’d be happy. I’ve seen enough. I could be greedy and want to see more, but look at what I’ve achieved already.
I survived school. I had loving parents. I went on caravan holidays and ate those mini choc chip cookies in my pajamas with about 8 other family members squished into the van. I felt that funny crush feeling when the ‘girl of my dreams’ walked past me in the school corridor. I also felt that crushed feeling when she never acknowledged me when I said hello.
I fell in love, out of love and all the different emotions in between. I’ve met good people along the way, some not so good. I’ve had some great jobs, eventually finding my vocation. I married my soulmate. Fathered two beautiful boys. I learned a new language. Moved to a different country.
I’ll carry on making memories, but my point is that if it was all to end tomorrow I would doff my cap to the Grim Reaper and bow out gracefully. The Grim Reaper doesn’t scare me, you see, he’s never been too far away. And anyway he’s a pussycat really. He can only take my shell. My energy will be around forever. My energy (or spirit if you’re spiritual) might even turn up to my old crush’s house to write sinister messages on her bathroom mirror!
But now it is my boys turn. They’ll make their own memories and a fair few of them will probably resemble mine, just like yours will. And as a parent I feel that it is my responsibility to prepare them the best I can. That means making decisions and hoping that I can get them right. Most of the time anyway.
I’m currently having to use my eight year old’s aftershave. He enjoys gelling his hair and dressing smart so a couple of years ago we decided to get him a set of aftershaves, a comb and little mirror. Nothing too lavish or expensive. But we recognized that he was very different from his older brother, who much prefers the ‘just got out of bed’ look.
Finlay wafting his aftershave at me
I don’t have any aftershave at the moment. I could buy some quite easily from the supermarket who do a nice selection. But along with socks and undies, I don’t feel like buying my own aftershave is my responsibility. It is that of the gift giver on my birthday and Christmas. I currently have holes in my socks with my undies swiftly catching up and I am creeping into my eight year olds bedroom to nick a bit of old spice. This will be the situation until November when I’m hoping a gift giver will replenish my underwear stock and Eau de Toilette on my birthday.
My point is that, now, I don’t ask for much. I need my kids to be happy and grow up feeling loved. That’s it. Twenty years ago I wouldn’t leave the house without spraying half a bottle of something expensive on me and it would have been a disaster if I had to get dressed in the gym changing rooms wearing holy socks and undies. But priorities change.
My kids will see many wonderful things, but I won’t pretend to them that life is a fairytale either. As they grow older they will see the ugly sides to life too. Maybe that was the purpose of us moving to a different country. Within three months of finishing at their school in England, they were in a school in the Portuguese countryside where nobody spoke English (apart from the English teacher). My wife and I pretty much pushed them into the water and said ‘There you go, swim!’
I want them to have chances in life and to help create opportunities for them, but I don’t want to make it too easy for them.
I’ve always felt parent guilt. You know, that feeling that in some way you are letting your kids down. Was I around enough for them as babies? Did I teach them well enough when we had to home school? Is taking them away from their only home that they know in England the right thing to do?
Taking Jonas out of his football team was one of the most difficult things. He was proud to play for his home town. Bloody good he was too! And the guilt continues in that I haven’t pushed for him to play for his new home town yet. Jonas is the timid one out of my two boys. Only last Monday he sobbed at the school gates on his first day back after the summer holidays because he didn’t want to go in. And there’s been a few occasions where he has not wanted to join in activities during the summer due to his anxieties of leaving us. So I’m not sure a new football team is right for him just yet. I want him to get a year or two of school under his belt first.
Jonas. The thinker.
But does my decision help me sleep at night? No. Parent guilt taps me on the shoulder as I’m just dozing off and says ‘Oi, you smelly, tatty socked sorry excuse of a dad. Let him play football or he’ll resent you forever!’
But I’ll prove parent guilt wrong in what he says, because from November I’ll have no tatty socks and I’ll smell like Paco Rabane!
The community spirit in this very hidden part of central Portugal is remarkable. Although very rural, there are houses around us with some very lovely neighbours. Down the road is Jenny (it sounds like Jenny so we just call her Jenny) who often drops in early morning to give us bread before she goes to the market to sell what she has baked through the night.
Around the corner of our property is Ricardo, Isabella and their two children of similar age to our lads. They live in Lisbon but return to their Sertá home during the holidays. In the past week they have given our boys two bikes and invited them to watch Portugal V Croatia while having dinner.
And across the road is Antonio. An elderly gentleman who invited us to celebrate his 78th birthday with his family a couple of weeks ago. He seems to have taken to us. A few weeks ago he said that he smelt the paella we were making wafting towards his house so he invited himself for dinner! He often visits for a chat throughout the day, although he only speaks Portuguese and we attempt our very sketchy version of the language. He doesn’t seem to mind.
Lately, he has been coming daily to get his blood pressure monitored. It’s a request from his doctor to get a daily reading and he chose us to help him with this. We are honoured to assist in any way we can. That’s the community way here.
In return he brings us a bag of something that he is growing in his garden. It’s usually tomatoes but yesterday it was figs. Hmm, what to do with figs!
Something we have tried to keep a constant in the mayhem of our lives during the past 12 months is to prepare a smoothie each morning to give us that healthy kick. It feels like, even if the rest of the day doesn’t go to plan regarding a healthy diet (and let’s face it, it doesn’t always) at least we have had a nutritious boost in the morning. Figs, so we found out, made a great addition!
Here’s what we put into the Nutribullet for our smoothie…
Two bananas, five figs (skin on), Greek yoghurt, two scoops of peanut butter and a bit of water.
The results were amazing! Even the kids loved it as it was just like a creamy banana milkshake.
Each day we keep learning about different nutritious elements that we can add to our lives, but the biggest addition to our lives is that of community. A togetherness that, no matter what colour, language or creed, we can all add something special to each other’s lives.
If only the rest of the world could add those ingredients. What a wonderful place we could have.
We have been so busy dealing with all other aspects of the property we bought, we haven’t given our own house much TLC. On the day we got the keys we ensured that we made the inside of our house liveable for us and the kids which we did straight away. It is a comfortable space with extra outdoor areas such as an outdoor kitchen and sitting room that can be utilised for most of the year due to the weather. We have also created a TV room/games room and utility room in the downstairs areas. But the façade needed work.
The building is an old farm building. It will always be rustic. But it was all looking a bit too tatty for our liking. This week we set to work on improving its look. Here’s a few before and afters…
After a jet wash
So obviously it didn’t look as bad as this before the jet wash, but we needed to get the flakey paint off.
A primer coat
After applying a primer we were happy with the progress.
A first top coat has been applied, plus the doors have been painted.At night
We still need to apply a few decorative bottles with lights and stuff but, as you can see, our house looks much better after a week of work on it.
This week the UK government said that it wants to ban cigarette smoking in pub gardens, outside nightclubs and around children’s play parks. Now, it would be hard to find a reasonable argument for being allowed to smoke in or around a kids play park, but I’m not sure about elsewhere. Here’s what I think…
I am living in central Portugal. Cigarettes are still sold in cafe vending machines. Supermarkets have Tobacaria shops inside them and even cafe bars attached to them. Doing your weekly shop, stopping for a smoke while downing a beer or wine before loading your car and driving away is common.
I don’t smoke cigarettes anymore but do occasionally vape electronically in private. I haven’t openly smoked anything since becoming a dad and a Personal Trainer. Smoking while doing either of those jobs is not cool. But I don’t begrudge anybody else smoking. In fact, seeing people sitting around a table outside a cafe in Sertá, chatting and laughing in different languages makes me feel happy and truth be known, before I moved here, it was one of the images that I went to sleep imagining. The cafe music, the different languages and the server bringing out olives and wine on a sunny day, all under a cloud of Marlboro is all very European. That appeals to me.
Some of my best memories of holidays abroad haven’t necessarily been on a beach or doing karaoke at an all inclusive, but visiting an art gallery or castle in Europe. And it was always followed by sitting outside a cafe to talk about what I had discovered, either with my family or with complete strangers.
And although in the beer garden at Wetherspoons there was plenty of alcohol and smoking, I never did get onto the subject of how the Duomo bell tower was constructed with its customers.
Outside a cafe in Sertá
Ah yes. Wetherspoons. Where you can openly shout about hating foreigners while drinking Belgian beer. After that, you can go for a Turkish kebab, watch American TV or cheer on a few Africans in your favourite football team on your Japanese TV while sitting on a Swedish sofa. In the morning, you can drive your German car and if you have an accident you will be seen by a Spanish nurse. Once you are better again, you can go back to Wetherspoons and shout about those ‘bloody foreigners’ in a building most likely to be funded by the European Union. Just remember to wipe your feet on the way out.
And before you start criticising me for being down on Britishness, Wetherspoons is and continues to be a very big factor in what is the cause of a loss of Britishness on the high streets. The Wetherspoons franchise has slowly dismantled the great British pub. You can’t get your piss stained peanuts from a bowl at the bar while drinking a pint of Best at the local Fox and Hounds anymore because Tim Martin came along with his cheap drinks and all day breakfast.
Traditional pubs are ceasing to exist anymore and for all we can blame smoking bans and energy costs, the fact remains that Tim Martin will always be able to make his food and drink way cheaper than Sandra the landlady at The Fox And Hounds.
‘But what about this new smoking ban, Shay?!’ I hear you all ask. ‘Surely it is better for our health and will be less of a burden to the NHS?!’
Smoking is not the number one factor in what causes the two most deadly killers in the UK (heart disease and Alzheimer’s). In fact, everything else they sell in a pub or nightclub are by far the major reasons. That all day breakfast? The Belgian beer or the pint of Best?
In 2022 there were just over 10,000 alcohol related deaths. Obesity causes 30,000 deaths each year. Food and drink related deaths are on the rise and will soon be above smoking related deaths in the years to come. I’m not saying that smoking is better, but it does seem to be the scapegoat when the government talks about unburdening the NHS.
When I watch UK TV I am bombarded by adverts telling me to eat fast food and drink alcohol. Not only is fast food or alcohol not banned but perfectly celebrated as the stuff we should be doing, promoted on national TV!
So eating and drinking crap in a pub is fine, but dare to step into its garden and light up a cigarette and you’re a pariah. You see, it makes no sense.
When I became a PT I wanted to give a different message to what I was seeing and hearing from mainstream gyms and media. It is also how I’ve continued to work at our health and wellbeing centre in Portugal. The misunderstanding from gyms and the media is that health and wellbeing is all about physical health and wellbeing. But I think a little differently.
If society (or your PT) is constantly berating your lifestyle choices such as what you eat, drink or smoke, then this is not going to be a positive contribution to your mindset or your life. You don’t employ a PT for them to tell you that lettuce is better for you than a pizza, or water is better for you than a gin and tonic. Nor should you employ a PT to tell you that not smoking is better for you than smoking.
Balancing these better for you things and the not as good for you things, for me, is the much better position to be in regarding our mental health. This, in turn, can contribute to a more active lifestyle and produce better physical results.
Smoking ten cigarettes a day instead of 20 is a fantastic start. Having a fortnightly takeaway is better than a weekly takeaway and drinking a few beers three nights of the week instead of five is going to positively impact you further.
No bans. No stress. No guilt. Just small things that we call balance.
So, my conclusion and my two penn’orth in the smoking debate is this…
Keep cigarettes, takeaways and alcohol and get rid of Wetherspoons. Society in the UK will seem like a much brighter place.
Today was another ‘lifestyle’ shoot with A New Life In The Sun. We decided on a trip to one of our favourite cafes, Cavalha, to get a few shots of us sipping wine and drinking coffee. The long coffee drink in Portugal (as opposed to the espresso shot) is called an abatanado.
It was also an opportunity to film along the Ribeira da Sertá, which is a stunning, clear river running through the centre of the town. We never tire of this part of Sertá. It’s where they held their four day Festa just a couple of weeks ago, it’s where the very safe play park is for the kids, it has cafes aplenty and it is the go to place for when Lou and I want to sit by the river after dropping the kids off at school. Many plans for the day have been drawn out sitting by the river before we head back to our property to begin work.
Lou and I haven’t managed that headspace for a couple of months now though. The boys broke up from school in mid June and they’ve still got 3 weeks left of their summer holidays. School summer holidays are long in Portugal. This will be fantastic when we are established, but this year has been tough to fully appreciate our times together.
Also, filming can become a long, stressful process too! Don’t get me wrong, it’s a box to tick in life. After all, ANLITS is the most viewed programme on Channel 4 in the UK and is repeated on various platforms. Last night I spoke to a previous contributor of the show who moved to Portugal to set up a glamping business on series 7. We agreed that while filming is fun and it will give a business much needed exposure, it can also take up a lot of time out of the day. And when there are the obvious pressures of starting a new life and business abroad to contend with, sharing an ultra stressful day with the world on camera can be difficult.
Our biggest stress at the moment is about getting our first booking for the holiday home. We recognise that we have missed most of the summer and people usually plan ahead when booking such places, so we’re hoping for scraps in September. But I refuse to become too anxious about this. We are brand new. It will take time for people to know that we actually exist. As long as we follow the process it will be fine.
I also appreciate the quote from writer Kahlil Gibran, who said,” Our anxiety does not come from thinking about the future, but from wanting to to control it.”
I much prefer to think about the future than become bogged down by past mistakes, but it is important to know that I can’t always control the outcome of the future. Sometimes, once I know that I have done my best, I just need to ‘let it be’.
I also remember the Field Of Dreams quote. “If you build it, they will come.”
Although I much preferred the Wayne’s World version!
The next planned filming is scheduled for our first guests arriving. ANLITS, if you’ve seen the programme, like to film this exciting and nerve-wracking occasion for the participants!
My hope is that this next filming won’t be too far away. After all, we’ve built it, surely they must come!
Below is a guided meditation transcript that I’ve been working on during my time at Trizio lake. I’m currently looking for a new platform to record my meditations for others to enjoy.
My name is Shay and today I’ll be guiding you through a meditation that can be beneficial if you are currently struggling with stress, anxiety or worry and I am grateful that you decided to spend your precious time with me.
Before we begin I’d like to invite you to find a quiet space where you’ll be able to sit or lay for 15 minutes or so, so that you are giving yourself the best opportunity possible to find that moment of peace.
And as you settle into a comfortable position it’s important to remind yourself that, with or without the aid of a guided meditation, just to be able to find this quiet space now and again is crucial to your health and wellbeing. This can be your time to think, rest, plan and recover from the demands of the outside world.
This moment is for you to quiet down the noise that has pursued you throughout the day and allow yourself time to recover, recharge and to find a place of stillness in your mind. Negative thoughts serve no purpose to you right now. Let them go. If, at any time during this meditation, you find your mind wandering then know that this is absolutely fine. It is normal. Just refocus your energy back onto my words when you are able to.
Now you can realize your breathing pattern as you begin to surrender to your environment and the floor, chair or whatever it is that supports you right now. Take one deep breath in and feel the positive energy that you are creating fill your body. Slowly release. And once again you can continue with your usual breathing pattern. If you haven’t done so already, close your eyes and become witness the way your eyelids feel heavy and how your shoulders begin to lower as if they are melting away the stresses placed upon them.
Using your third eye now, in front of you, you can see every colour imaginable swirling and spiralling creating vivid shapes and dances. You watch intently as slowly they begin to create a pathway. A multi coloured pathway leading far into the distance.
Barefoot, you step onto the beginning of the path. It feels warm underneath your feet and radiates to you a great sense of comfort and happiness from this. You begin to walk along its path.
Although you don’t know where this path leads, you don’t feel the need to know right now. It just feels right. The warmth of the path reaches the tips of your fingers and all the way to your forehead as you realise that you are no longer walking on the path, but floating above it.
As you glide above the glowing coloured pathway you see a gate. The gate is a field gate made of pine. You descend towards it and gently land by its opening. You raise your hand to push the gate open but before you enter you turn to thank the wonderful vibrant colours that have brought you to this point. You then begin to smell the meadow that lays beyond the gate. As you walk through the gate you feel the grass on your feet making direct contact with the Earth’s energy. The crinkling sound of the grass as you continue walking reminds you of a care free childhood summer.
You look around and see flowers that bask in the sunshine and butterflies, bees and birds flutter and hop through the meadow. Beyond the fern and aurora a watery trickling sound catches your attention, to which you feel drawn to. Slowly you make your way towards a small cove which presents a vast lake. Deepen your connection to this place by realising the colour of the water as it trickles towards your feet. Notice how the radiation of the sun interacts with the Earth’s atmosphere and creates the bluest of skies. Feel the gentle breeze touch your face and feel the warm sandy ground between your toes.
You sit cross legged by the edge of the lake. You can see hilltops in the distance across from the lake with different shades of green foliage covering them. A bright orange glow appears into the sky line as the sun slowly descends behind the hilltops.
As the sun sets further behind the hilltops. This is the perfect moment for you to repeat this mantra, and please, if you have your own mantra then you are welcome to repeat your own words.
I am calm
I am in control
And I am always able to find solutions.
Repeat your mantra as you gaze at the sun disappearing behind the hilltops.
I am calm
I am in control
And I am always able to find solutions.
Continue to repeat.
It’s time to thank your visualization now. The gate, the meadow, the cove and the lake, the hilltops and the sun. Thank them for allowing you to see such tranquil beauty at this important time to you.
And now it’s time to meet your conscious self once again, in your quiet space. Take a deep breath now and repeat your mantra once more.
I am calm
I am in control
And I am always able to find solutions.
When you are ready to, open your eyes. Make yourself aware of your surroundings and, just for a few moments, reflect on your experience from the past 20 minutes or so.
When you are fully happy to leave your quiet space then you are able to continue your day with optimism, love and calm in your heart and mind.
Held like we’re holding the mixed doubles plaque at Wimbledon, here’s the sign for our Alojamento Local rental property that we need to display to show that we are a registered guest house!
And it feels like we’ve had a few epic matches to reach our finale, but we are officially on booking sites such as Expedia, Booking.com, AirBnB, Hotel.com and Holidu.
It’ll take time for the bookings to start coming as we are towards the end of this summer and most people have probably planned their stays already, but we’re still hopeful for September and the winter months. Also, it’ll be nice to receive bookings way in advance for next summer and prepare the rest of the business!
Indeed, we haven’t won any trophies yet. We’re just a couple of wildcards new to the circuit. But we usually do well when we support each other, making us a formidable doubles team, even if the odd racket gets broken through frustration along the way.
This week we signed up to a site that will promote our holiday home on several platforms. Although they said that it will take up to ten days to be on all of their participating platforms, we have been getting informed when a platform is showing our property online already. So far we are going live on Travel Nest and Holidu. Here’s a link to Holidu…
We are still working and developing the interior and exterior, so the photos aren’t perfect, but we just needed to get the property up and running. We will be updating our pics as we keep putting stuff in place (I never knew how much brain power it would take to decide on where to put a coffee machine).
And when I say several platforms, we are literally going to be shown everywhere. So much so that I expect the Mashco Piro tribe in Peru to get an alert once our pics are updated.
We still have a massage therapy and shop to reconstruct, plus a possibility of a second holiday home on the property but, for now, for the sake of our sanity, our first job is complete.
Lou and I discussed which parasol to put up in the AL courtyard. It was an important day for us today. The builder was finishing off the bits and bobs that he needed to do, we were taking photos so that we could upload them onto a booking site and we were being filmed by the A New Life In The Sun camera man.
The parasol discussion was ideal for ANLITS. They like to film us deciding on the colour of bed sheets, where to put the solar lights, problem solving with the builders and which parasol would be suitable for the courtyard table.
But then an alert on Lou’s phone gave the camera man ANLITS gold. It was like a dream to a lifestyle reality TV camera man. It was a message from the local council (CAMARA) to inform us about our application to rent out our renovated house. Capturing this in real time was going to make perfect TV (for those interested in the programme). The moment of pure joy or a crushing setback was about to be filmed in real life!
But then came the longest five minutes. First of all, it required a wardrobe change. We had been in our building clothes all morning. A quick freshen up was needed. Oh, and then the email had to be translated into English. The five minute wait seemed to last a lifetime as we processed the Portuguese words into the Deeple app to change it to English. I noticed Lou’s hand shaking. Our voices quivered as we addressed the camera and read out the email. All observed by the willing camera man.
After the formalities it finally read ‘we are pleased to inform you that there are no objections to your licence’. The relief was felt in Lou’s voice as she further read out our official registration number which is necessary to show the relevant booking sites that we are to use.
For some unknown reason I still had hold of the parasol looking like some deranged Mary Poppins as I gleefully high fived Lou and hurrahed towards the camera. My emotions, despite this, were kept conservative but inside it felt like scoring the winner in the final.
My brain wanted to fist pump the air and shout ‘get in!!’ but I knew I was being filmed so I just held the parasol tightly and tried to stay calm.
We have been asked many times about a plan B, but the reality is that we came to Portugal without one. Our business plan, which actually started out as glamping rather than a house, was our only plan. That, of course, and the added wellbeing centre that we have yet to complete. All of our hopes were pinned on this moment in receiving the go-ahead from the local council.
But that is how we have approached this whole move. We had taken our children out of school and shut down our existing businesses before our visa approval. Indeed, we were on the coach to Sertá when Lou was still negotiating a time in which our house sale in England would be finalised. The people on the coach will have learned some new colourful English words on that journey.
Nothing was going to stop us.
I’ve heard that you get more careful in decision making as you get older. Ours, in an attempt for a better quality of life for our children and a business idea itch that just needed to be scratched, has had an opposite effect. We simply couldn’t sit on our hands anymore. We had dreams. None of which, we felt, could be accomplished in the UK. And there is no guarantee of success in Portugal either. That is why the same focus needs to be applied. We need to continue chasing our dreams. Long into our lives.
As CS Lewis quite rightly put it,”You are never too old to set a new goal or to dream a new dream.”
Never Give Up PT 