mental health – Page 10 – Never Give Up PT

Tell Yourself

The act of congratulating one’s self might seem a little egotistical to some. And perhaps, like everything else, we can form opinions about stuff that only makes sense once we give a bit of context to each situation.

For example, the gym goer checking themselves out in the gym mirror can look like they’re being self absorbed or a ‘poser’. But what if they’re training for a bodybuilding competition and a part of their sport is to flex. Or even if they’re not training for competition, maybe they’re actually quite insecure about a certain part of their body and they want to admire themselves for a short time before the negative feelings about themselves come flooding back.

And I have met people who have tried ‘bigging’ themselves up by putting other people down. They will constantly tap away at your insecurities and laugh at your failures to cover up their own inadequacies. It is difficult, but being the better person and politely removing yourself from this type of person is the best thing to do in this situation. Like I say, it is difficult, as your reactions are often to start believing what they say to you or to give them a piece of your mind and insult them back. But remember, they’re possibly even more insecure than you, that’s why they do it.

Congratulating yourself can be done with humility. It can be done in private so you’re not being ‘showy’. And maybe you should give it a try.

Men of all ages (not just teenagers) grunt into the mirror as they flex their pecs like a WWE wrestler and women check their rears with their new jeans on and feel satisfied with the gym work they’ve done that week. That is a sure sign of congratulating one’s self and giving a well deserved pat on the back, but I’m thinking of something much deeper than that with a greater impact on our mindset and wellbeing. I’m talking about positive affirmations, mantras and reflection.

Sometimes it’s important just to stop and reflect on what you’ve achieved that day or week. Heck, if you have the time you can reflect on your achievements throughout your whole life!

Did you pass the exam and get a dream job? Did you stick to an exercise plan and reach a fitness goal? Have you done your best as a parent or partner? Did you make someone smile today?

If your answer is no to any of these, that’s fine, because now you have given an honest answer, doing it better tomorrow becomes a little easier. But to do things better I believe that affirmations are powerful tools. These are words and short sentences that you tell yourself and repeat them.

In the advertising industry, short sharp slogans are very popular. The most popular seem to be the three word slogans which are also adopted by politicians. Here are a few examples…

Just do it

Taste the rainbow

Build a wall

Get brexit done

I’m lovin’ it

Yes we can

Education, education, education

Take back control

Strong and stable

Maybe it’s Maybelline

Let’s go places

How many of those can you identify? They are memorable because they have a certain ring to them, almost like a chant. Indeed, Trump’s ‘Build a wall’ speech was chanted by himself and his followers. Whether you like the political ideology and the product or not, these slogans were/are very successful which have helped create huge brands with many voters and consumers alike. They were believed. They were punchy.

Now, let’s go back to you. If you gave yourself a moment each day, for example in the mornings, to repeat positive affirmations to yourself, do you think that this could work for you? Indeed, this precedes advertising slogans by thousands of years so it is most certainly working for somebody! My guess is that it worked so well for so many cultures and religions throughout the world for so long that a very clever advertising agent cottoned on to it too. And voilà. What was said over and over again became reality.

You might find it strange to come up with a phrase and repeat it to yourself. It might be uncomfortable at first. But you actually do it already without really acknowledging it. You make a judgement on whether you can reach the jar on the top shelf. You create dynamic risk assessments when crossing the road and driving a car. These daily routines are embedded into your life. Therefore the same affirmations are repeated over and over again.

“Yes, the road is clear,” is a typical example of this. You are confirming your belief that you can cross the road. So why not take a moment in your day to consciously go through your positive affirmations?

Phrases such as…

I am strong

I am confident

Today, I can do it

I am grateful

I will do

…can impact you so profoundly that you begin to believe. After all, you use self fulfilling prophecies to be negative about yourself all the time. Whether it’s how you look, how you act, what you’ve achieved. Imagine countering this negative thinking with “today I look good, I feel great, I am happy!”

Allow yourself the time to tell yourself these great and wonderful things about you. Yes, you. Just a moment in time where you tell yourself how fucking fantastic you are. Tell yourself daily. Make it as much of a priority as eating. Ensure that it becomes as natural as breathing. There’s no shame in telling yourself that you are a good person. It is not self indulgent to believe that you are an important person in other people’s lives and you are capable of great things to them and to you.

You just need to do one simple thing to make it be true. And that’s to keep telling yourself.

I am a Personal Trainer, Meditation Guide, a Cognitive Behavioural Therapist in Anxiety and I tell myself that I’m the luckiest man alive every day. Therefore I am.

The New Norm

When we reflect on our previous week, month and year, we will often find patterns to our behaviour. Some behaviours add to positive outcomes but some can be negative and impact us greatly. Indeed, the positive things might get unnoticed, while the negative stuff gets pushed to the front of our mind.

Currently residing in Scarborough, I’m holding personal training, meditation and CBT for anxiety sessions as well as remote coaching to create happier, healthier futures to children and adults.

Reflection is good. It will not only assist us in our own lives but it can be a welcome trait for those around us. I might snap at my wife or the kids, for example, but if I am capable of reflection then I can put things right, apologize and do better next time.

So how can reflection help with lifestyle changes in relation to your health and fitness goals? Well, it might surprise you that you do this all the time. You have the cognitive capacity to think, process and act on everything you do in your daily life. But how much of it sticks is usually where the problem lies. Sometimes we end up thinking about a hundred things at once. Our moments of reflection just whiz on by without us really being able to act on them. In the end, nothing gets done.

Unless, of course, reflection becomes a conscious act. As each day goes by, this act will become a subconscious habit. This habit can lead to better decision making.

Bestselling author John Maxwell perhaps says it best when he said, “You’ll never change your life until you change something you do daily. The secret to your success is found in your daily routine.”

Each day you are capable of finding the new norm. A lifestyle that you find fulfilling. It’s the little things that you can reflect on each day. Day by day, little by little, changes happen.

There’s a magic number of days that psychologists and lifestyle coaches often cite as the amount of time it takes to create a positive habit (or get rid of negative ones) and that is 28 days. After this time, research shows, we have trained ourselves to be consistent in our new behaviour.

And, as a Personal Trainer, I find the 28 day rule quite accurate in our approach to our health and fitness. You see, we think that we just need motivation to reach our goals. And whilst a burst of motivation can be helpful, we cannot rely on it. Motivation is a fleeting emotion. It doesn’t last 28 days. Therefore a little bit of strategy is needed.

To find your new norm, firstly you need to stop creating problems. They exist only in your head. If you find yourself doing this, call yourself out in it. Write the problem down if you need to with a set of solutions next to it. Do this daily.

Start a thought or mood diary. Never dismiss writing down your thoughts. This helps with reflection and it keeps you on track on the days that those bursts of motivation escapes you.

Plan ahead but don’t plan your year or your whole life. Just your week or the next day or two. Whatever feels comfortable. Again, write these plans down. It could be when you schedule your exercise times or plan a menu. Keep it where you can see it. As an online PT I keep all daily tasks on my app so that my trainees are alerted each day.

You have a new opportunity each day to change something that you don’t like and to add something positive and meaningful to your life. Act on these few ideas above and start today in finding a new norm.

Believe it or not, I’ve trained my brain to like this green stuff.

Sometimes It’s Just The Little Things

My friends would perhaps describe my football managerial skills as more Bobby Ball than the great Bobby Robson, but as I paced the touchline of my son’s under 9’s match like a semi final at Italia 90 I spotted a leaf. Upon it sat a lady bug. I was compelled to take a picture.

Of course, my phone camera is always out on match day in the event of catching a left foot volley. That would have been lovely to see too, but this morning the lady bug was just the tonic.

I felt a bit low this morning. No particular reason. I know that seasonal adjustment symptoms seem to kick in around this time of year. It could be that. Or it could be a simple matter of it being two episodes away from completing the full 6 series of Better Call Saul. Quite possibly the best TV series I’ve ever seen. What will we watch after that?! Whatever caused my sadness this morning, it was a lady bug that cheered me up.

We tend to dream too big too quickly. We want to see the end goal with a click of the fingers. The problem is we miss the small matters that knit things together. It’s the little things that make the big dreams happen. It’s easy to forget.

And this morning I had forgotten that. Wind swept, cold and damp in a field when I’d had a rotten night’s sleep made me grumpy. Sure, watching my son play football always cheers me up and that adds to one of the little pieces that eventually creates a bigger picture. But for that moment in time it was the lady bug that caught my attention and made me smile.

The universe can be cruel yet deliver us with such beauty too. And that beauty that kept me grounded today was a lady bug. Not even a left foot volley would have beaten it.

A New Project

Perhaps there is a shift happening in the UK regarding attitudes towards mental health, mindfulness and our well being. Only today I heard a report saying that more employers are offering their staff the opportunity to participate in yoga sessions during working hours. It is found that destressing in this way can make for better production of the work force.

Those opposing such a scheme say that it is time and money consuming and it is pandering to the ‘woke briggade’ (whatever that is).

Yet we were all fine with cigarette breaks and, in fact, these breaks were often seen as our right to a quick ciggy if we were stressed. People also commented on how productive a group of colleagues were during their cig breaks and how they would bond. Funny, cig breaks that I remember would be a time for people to slag somebody off behind their back.

It is hard to criticize yoga. I practice it a bit at home with the kids but, I must admit, I’m no expert. Meditation, however, is a passion. And this should also be something considered in the workplace.

How can working on our breathing to calming music be a detriment to an employee? How can focussing on positive thoughts and visualising happy outcomes not help an employee in their work life, thus making them a very productive team member?

Depending on where you are reading this, there will be something unsettling going on in your town, city or country. Whether it be war, political divide, Covid or, as it is currently in the UK, a real concern about the cost of living and energy bills. Perhaps since most of us were restricted in who we could see and limited in how long we could be out of our homes for during the pandemic, we have become a little bit more angry or disillusioned at life. The figures suggest that we are. Depression is at an all time high in the UK. For one reason or another, we are just not coping. And if the adults aren’t, I can bet the children aren’t either.

And this is where my wife and I felt that we could help. It’s a small way but we aim to make this work and hopefully grow when we receive our feedback. Our new project will be to provide schools with mindfulness and meditation sessions to their children. Indeed, schools are already finding that children’s mental well-being is becoming a priority. As I mentioned in my example of an adult’s productivity, a child too can thrive in their development if they are shown how to be more mindful.

I’ve been preoccupied recently, which in part is the reason for me writing less blogs. My wife and I have been arranging meetings, developing session plans and meditation scripts. Along with our regular work, it has become quite a commitment. But one worth making.

Soon we will be conducting two focus groups so that we can test our work so far with a view to begin in our first school in January. We want to be in every school in Scarborough within two years.

School and education is important, just like the workplace and production. But if we don’t respond to our future worker’s needs now then how productive will our society be?

Jonas’ Journey: A Case Study

“Speak to your children as if they are the wisest, kindest most beautiful and magical humans on Earth. For what they believe, they will become.”

Jonas is an 8 year old boy. He lives with his younger brother Finlay, who is 6, and mum and dad. He lives in a house with a garden so he can play football, which he does often, and he has his own bedroom. His mum and dad work and have their own businesses, which can give them a little bit of freedom regarding setting their appointments around spending time as a family. It is considered a safe and loving environment.

Jonas is a quiet, timid boy. Yet this is perhaps not always recognized by adults that meet him for the first time. His smiley face and big curly hair can give the impression of a confident child. Plus, as a talented footballer, he can play with quite a swagger. It is easy to think of him as a relaxed, calm little boy.

For as long as his parents can remember, Jonas has always shown empathy to others. This can lead him to worry or to become concerned over matters out of his control. Since learning about events in the Bible, he gets very upset for Jesus at Easter time. And he won’t watch Home Alone at Christmas as he gets fearful of the bad men attacking the little boy. This has been a cause for poor nights sleep at times.

And then, just a few months after he turned six, Covid happened. The lockdowns turned this little boy’s world upside down. For the natural worrier, this event was a major setback. His parents too, like so many people, had to find ways to overcome this crisis that had never been encountered before. Unable to work, bills still arriving, concerned for elderly loved ones and with two children unable to see their friends, Jonas’ parents had to dig deep within their resources. They were, however, determined to keep some amount of stability in the most uncertain of times. As a family they would do the Joe Wicks morning workouts, watch BBC Bytesize to help with their children’s schoolwork and go for regular local walks.

But Jonas stopped responding to these daily tasks. He would take himself away for hours at a time to watch TV on his own. He wouldn’t talk about his feelings. A walk was met with a groan and even playing football in the garden rarely happened. His brother, Finlay, also became less motivated but, perhaps because of his younger age, he didn’t understand the magnitude of what he was living through. Jonas did. He overheard many times about ‘death counts’ on the news. Something that his parents would try to hide or mute, but being in the house together for months at a time it wasn’t always easy to keep the news and the daily updates and announcements away from listening ears. And as the laws kept changing in regards to bubbles and the like, his parents had to keep on top of the latest developments.

Eventually, Jonas developed a number of ticks that he couldn’t control. The one with the most impact was a throat clearing tick. He struggled to complete sentences due to his need to clear his throat and his sleep suffered further. This continued when he went back to school and his parents informed his teachers. Jonas’school has been amazing in dealing with the children’s anxieties. His parents are thankful for the school’s ongoing support. Jonas’ ticks still exist, but take on many different forms. His latest one, which is to smell his hand, is less intrusive to him and his classmates.

As has been outlined, Jonas is a very clever and thoughtful boy. He is very aware of his surroundings and the world in which he lives. Since the last lockdown, world events such as the trouble in Afghanistan and the problems in the Ukraine are concerning to him. He has welcomed lots of refugee children and he and his brother also volunteered at a Christian charity to sort out clothes for them. But these unsettling events have led to Jonas believing that any aircraft flying overhead might be going to war or are here to drop bombs. Armed forces day was a particularly tough day for him.

But his parents have always offered reassurance and allow Jonas to express his concerns. His parents are both in the health and wellbeing industry and understand the importance of talking about how we feel. Recently, they introduced meditation to their children. This seems to be a very successful tool for Jonas. Now, almost every night, Jonas requests a meditation guide before going to sleep. His parents have observed that his sleep has never been so good and he can now relax much easier throughout the day.

Jonas remains a little distant from his friends. He didn’t want to do Zoom calls during lockdowns, for example, and perhaps while his friends were still building on their relationships through staying in touch in this way, Jonas might have lost some ground in this area of development. He does seem, however, to be a well liked boy and doesn’t appear to have issues with any other child.

Jonas’ appetite for meditation comes from the empowering nature of the process. During his guided visualizations he has travelled on a cloud, rode on the back of a giant white bird, went to the moon on a space ship and played at the play park with his favourite teddies. Which child wouldn’t want to imagine these lovely thoughts? This process puts them as the central character of this wonderful story that they can develop themselves. They are in control and in a world where some of our children might feel that they have no control, or might feel sad or have worries, empowering them when we can might play a significantly positive part in their mental health, their character development and in their learning as it is for Jonas.

For those of you who are unaware, Jonas is my son. Jonas and Finlay are the most beautiful boys who are two well behaved children. Yes, they bicker, they don’t always tidy up after themselves, they don’t always follow instructions and they do all of the naughty things that you’d expect from 6 and 8 year olds. But they have good hearts and are very kind people.

Now is the time to start recognising our children’s needs. Sometimes we might just need to listen to them. Perhaps they just need a kind word of encouragement. But most of all we must provide a safe place, a sanctuary, in which they are able to open up and allow them to explore their feelings and emotions without them simmering deep inside. As with adults, blocking our emotions can be damaging. Imagine what a child goes through without their maturity to deal with perspective or a clear thought process to channel their feelings.

All of our children deserve to be given every opportunity to be happy. To live without constant fear. To have a safe environment in which to develop and learn. Jonas comes from a safe and stable home, but many children don’t. If we can give them just a small piece of tranquility, shouldn’t we do it?

A Little Reminder To Anyone Who Needs To Know This Today

There are certain industries that require us to dislike who we are, how we look, what we fear and dislike each other by being judgemental.

Working in the fitness industry I know only too well the secrets and the subliminal messages that advertisers and the media put together to make us feel inadequate.

I’m determined to break the mould with how I approach your health and your wellbeing.

Start now. Right now. With giving yourself a great big hug and telling yourself how amazing you are. Wanting change isn’t a bad thing, but you’ve got this in your own time with the right support around you.

Then tell somebody how fantastic they look. Comment on their hair, their clothes, compliment somebody at work for doing a great job, and don’t feel silly about making someone’s day in the gym by telling them how well they’re doing with their goals.

Empower others, but make sure you’re empowering yourself too.

AMRAP

Have you ever heard of the training term ‘AMRAP’?

It is an acronym for the phrase ‘as many rounds as possible.’

Let me explain. AMRAP is a technique which enables the trainee to rep as many times in a set time frame. This could be typically done as a circuit, for example, and there are no rules to what equipment to use, how long or how many exercises.

This technique allows those who find themselves short on time to still manage a quick workout. Even 5 minutes can get the blood pumping and body weight is absolutely fine. In fact, the break for adverts during Coranation Street can see you rack up over 100 reps.

My point here is that I will never accept that you don’t have the time to exercise. Perhaps you didn’t know it or you just couldn’t be bothered and work, kids, cooking meals, feeling tired or clearing out the guinea pig hutch took all of your time up.

But AMRAP has news for you. You DO have time to train. Let’s use my example of Coranation Street as an example…

Coranation Street is an hour long. It has four ad breaks lasting 3 minutes. Imagine completing an AMRAP every break? So your task would be to work continuously for three minutes each time. In just one episode you have 12 intense minutes of exercise.

Coranation Street is on three times a week. That’s 36 minutes of time you didn’t know that you had to exercise. 36 minutes doesn’t seem like a lot but I observe people who are in the gym for one hour but only actually exercise for half of that time. If my estimation of a 100 reps each ad break is accurate, that’s almost a 1000 reps a week.

No amount of time is pointless as long as you do it right. There are many ways to complete an AMRAP. Squats during the kettle boiling, press ups during the Countdown clock or Burpees waiting for a bus. Whatever floats your boat!

Just make sure you float it somehow.

Dig The Well

Just a short message for you today for us to have a little think about our health and wellbeing.

First of all it is important to note that beginning a fitness journey is never too late. Also, finding happiness and peace in your life can be discovered at any age. But searching for it is important and necessary. Very rarely will something fall at your feet.

I’ll use my profession as an example. Just in the space of a few weeks of attending a wedding, a few BBQ’s and kids events with my two boys, as soon as somebody knows that I’m a Personal Trainer I often get comments such as ‘I could do with losing a few pounds’ as they tap on their belly. Or on a couple of occasions I’ve had people say ‘I need to start going to the gym again’.

Of course, you might think that is my cue to sell them PT sessions or a fitness program. And I have often replied ‘well, you know where I am!’ But a social event is not the appropriate place to sell my services. A PT can clear a room when they start handing out business cards.

We often complain about our physique or our mindset without doing anything about it. I meet some acquaintances who I see very irregularly who complain every time about their weight or their injuries every time i see them. And, yes, there have been times where I have offered to help. I’m still waiting for their reply.

And yet with each day, week and year we age. With age comes more challenges in regards to our health. If we don’t feel ready for the battle today, how will we cope with tomorrow?

My clients understand that I’m not going to get them a quick fix. They will progress with me on the journey that it should be. This will help them in later life. I don’t promise a longer life, but I can give a pretty confident argument for living a better quality of life by making simple adjustments to their lifestyle.

Two reasons right here on why I need to keep working for a healthy future.

As the Chinese proverb goes…

Dig the well before you are thirsty.

Be prepared for the future by putting in the work today. Happiness, peace, health and wellbeing can all be discovered with the right course of action.

And that action, however small or subtle, should begin today.

Rope-A-Dope

Perhaps I was a little over ambitious to set about a new online course for a further qualification just a couple of weeks before the summer holidays kicked in. With two boys off school I’m struggling to find any extra time for my regular appointments, let alone the added stress of completing assignments.

But that’s where I’m at. It’s what I signed up for. I don’t like my personal growth, business, economical, family or physical growth to become stagnant. And sometimes it is challenging.

I recently listened to a podcast from a speaker who said,”If you remain comfortable, you will fail. Success is not a comfortable procedure. You have to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. Start putting some pressure on.”

I fully understand this sentiment. I need goal setting, time lines, wins and losses. I’m not a betting man. At least not with the bookmakers. I hate it. I don’t even do the lottery. But I do take a punt on the outsider now and again trying to sneak a goal or ‘win by a nose’. On this occasion, that outsider is me.

One of Mohammed Ali’s most famous fights in the ring was 1974’s Rumble In The Jungle. He spent most of that fight on the ropes defending himself against the onslaught of George Foreman’s punches. Ali managed to tire his opponent out (throwing punches continuously is extremely tiring) and counter this by building his own attacks. He knocked Foreman out in the 8th round. The term was called rope-a-dope.

Success isn’t always built by coming out of the blocks looking for the quick fix. It often takes calculated risks. Ali left his comfort zone. He didn’t want the heavyweight champion of the world throwing punch after punch on him whilst he was trapped on the ropes. It’s a risky tactic. But he knew that this was a technique to win the match in this particular battle.

And as I sit in my bedroom thinking of the punches that are coming my way, I know that I will need to roll with them. Sure, I’ll need to come out fighting at some point, but I also need to find a way of protecting myself until I align myself with the task in hand. It’s not my round 8 just yet.

Choosing between…

* worrying about unfinished jobs, crying over missed opportunities, procrastinating over deadlines, avoiding the mirror because the school holidays seem like a looooong time and my belly looks bigger and the ‘v’ frown on my forehead gets more prominent, or

* choosing your battles, when to attack, when to rest, planning your route, accepting the knocks and finding solutions.

Both are about leaving your comfort zone. But the latter, albeit daunting and uncomfortable, still gives you control. There’s no easy way in finding what you want. The one that at least puts you in the most amount of control must be the best way.

Ali was always in control during this fight, but Foreman didn’t know that. Foreman felt too comfortable. It would be his downfall.

I know that my desires and ambition shouldn’t be tethered. They should be allowed to run freely around in my head like a pool of ideas, creativity and inspiration. And so I need to leave my comfort zone and set them free, knowing that I must remain patient in truly finding the wins in some cases. Locking my future goals away entirely will only fester anger and frustration.

I need to start with my next assignment if I’m to follow my own advice. One punch at a time, Shay. One punch at a time. As long as I can withstand that, It’ll soon be my round 8.

Self Acceptance

What does ‘self acceptance’ mean to you?

For me it is about realising that I’m not perfect, that I have flaws, I cannot please others or myself all of the time and whilst working to improve daily I can still find humour in my weaknesses.

I’m changing daily. So are you. If you can truly accept yourself today, maybe your tomorrow’s self will be happier.

Here are a few other examples of how people interpret self acceptance…

“When you stop living your life based on what others think of you real life begins. At that moment you will finally see the door of self acceptance open.” Author Shannon L. Alder

“You have been criticizing yourself for years, and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.” Author Louise L Hay

Or poet R.H Sin simply put “Make peace with your broken pieces.”

And Buddha said “You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”

I am currently studying the Socratic method of cognitive behaviour and one of the principles of this is Self Acceptance. It got me thinking. I’m supposed to be the one helping others, yet there are days when I’m so down on myself I feel like a fraud for even attempting to help anybody else. And then I got it. A bit of a lightbulb moment perhaps.

I’m not supposed to be perfect every day. Some days I will make mistakes, I’ll let myself down or I’ll give up on something. But if I have the ability to accept this as part of me, then I know how to fix it.

In my interpretation of Self Acceptance I said that finding humour in my weaknesses is a factor. Sometimes finding the humility to laugh at myself or to say sorry to somebody rather than excuse myself is a good place to start. Battling with ego and pride takes so much more energy than simply accepting a mistake or a blemish.

Take a moment yourself to think about all of the fantastic qualities that you have. You have flaws, yet the positive aspects of you and your life can outweigh the negatives if you allow them to. And in the meantime you can work on the bits that you don’t like too.

You just need to accept them.