Tag Archives: mental health

The Year In Review

The One With The Portugal House

The year began with us on the hunt for a house to buy in Sertã, Portugal. We had moved into rental properties in the area at the back end of October, so it was a difficult time to view properties with Christmas looming and two excited little boys. However,  in February this year, we bought our home and business property.

It wasn’t exactly the dream home. It was an old farm house with plenty of work to do on it. But it did tick many boxes. It had land so that the boys could play in the forest surrounds and we could create our picnic and meditation areas as lou and I had always wanted. It had outbuildings which we could create rented accommodation, a gym space and a massage treatment room. Our Portugal House was ready to be regenerated into our perfect home.

The One With The Family

The hardest part of the move was fretting over our children’s wellbeing. It had to work for them or it simply could not work for us. They started in a Portuguese school at the beginning of the year. Moving to a new school  as the new kid half through a school year is tough enough. But add to that a different language and new cultural expectations, it was massive for them. I’m so proud of them. Their language skills have overtaken mine, even though I’ve been learning Portuguese on an app for over two years and they have immersed themselves into their new lives.

The One With The TV Program

The filming of the English TV show A New Life In The Sun began in February to catch the beginning of the renovation to the ‘little house’ which would be our rental property. This will be aired in January next year. The added pressure of being filmed was difficult and the interviews and filming time frames did make the renovation tough to manage, but there are no regrets. I guess we will call it a tick off the bucket list now that we’ve been on telly!

The One With My Own Personal Mental And Physical Health

The move has come at a price in regards to our mental wellbeing. Physically I’ve remained very active but I’ve done very little formal exercise, which is the type that I really love. But, as I say, this process has been physically demanding so I still feel fit and strong.  Mentally, though, not having the time out or the equipment to pursue my favourite pastime has been difficult to accept. It has always enabled me to ‘fix’ problems and I can think much clearer. I know, though, that this situation was always going to be a possibility. After all, literally everything that I had in England was dropped, including my personal training business and gym membership. Starting from scratch was always inevitable and would take time.

The One With The Final Message Of The Year

We wanted an experience that we could look back on and say, “We did it! Look what we achieved!” And so far we are sure getting that experience.  It’s come with many laughs and proud moments, but also a good deal of stress and tears too. This experience simply would not be the full package without the lows too. One cannot look back on moments and be proud if there has been no challenge or adversity attached to it. Good things that happen in life, fulfilling dreams and hitting goals aren’t fun or worthwhile if they’re easy. So we chose not to keep things easy knowing that the pitfalls were huge, but the rewards were even bigger.

As we enter another year of working towards our personal, my only advice to my readers are that they take a moment to reflect on what they would like to achieve in 2025. It could be a career move, a financial situation, a relationship, a fitness goal or a trip to somewhere special. Whatever it might be, just remember that there will be tough moments in achieving your goals, but if they’re special enough, then the feeling that you will get once the pieces start fitting into place makes I all worth it in the end.

Have a happy, healthy and prosperous new year. See you all soon.xxx

Don’t Climb Past The Low Hanging Fruit

Being a personal trainer and wellbeing coach I see lots of interesting motivational quotes on my feed looking for me to engage in clicks etc. I must admit, I enjoy reading an uplifting quote now and again and they can often make me think. But it’s important to recognise that, like every bit of advice or literature, we don’t always have to agree with it. We can disagree with it or at the very least question it.

Now, it’s difficult to disagree with the ‘seize the day’ sentiment that many of them focus on. And the one I read this morning about ‘the higher the fruit the sweeter it tastes’ is a reference to reaching for the sky and making each day count. Sure, what’s wrong with that?! Nothing. It’s a pretty standard target for anyone wanting to get shit done for the day.

But I’m going to add my version of it, too. You see, sometimes you just don’t feel like climbing to the top of that bloody tree for the sweetest fruit. Making your way to the tree and picking the low hanging fruit can be all that you can manage that day. And sometimes that might be just enough. You can then at least say that you’ve done it. No climbing for the sweetest stuff, but goodness, as you opened your eyes this morning you didn’t even know if you could leave the house. Praise yourself for the smaller stuff, too, not just the days you feel like climbing mountains and ripping up trees.

I used to enjoy a gameshow called The Cube. A contestant would be locked inside a large cube and given tasks to do in order to win money. Once the contestant had been given their instructions on how to complete the task for each round, they had an option to ‘simplify’ the task for one round only. So once they asked The Cube to simplify that particular task, The Cube would make the task that little bit easier. It could have been, for example, a bigger hoop to throw a ball into.

So, for all of you reading this right now, how many of us have wanted to shout out ‘simplify’ into the universe and hope that just a little part of the day could be a tad easier?

Life can be overwhelming.

So…’The higher the fruit, the sweeter it tastes’ can be changed to ‘We can get distracted when we climb to the top of the tree before we get the stuff that’s easiest.’

Remarkably, despite the things going on around you in the world, there are lots of things that can be made easier for yourself that you have total control over. And if you are feeling like you are burdened by having to climb high each day I would suggest that you take a few quiet moments to think about what small steps you can take to make each day a little easier.

Some time ago I had a trainee that was determined to get his personal best at a bench press. This had been on his mind for a few days leading up to his session with me. He was pushing 120k for 6 reps. Impressive. But he wanted 125k on this particular day. He came into the gym fired up, but also jittery and nervous. I knew that there was a good chance that he wouldn’t achieve his PB that day. He was overthinking it. His breathing was short and not controlled. His form would let him down. I’ve been there before. I went for sheer aggression over any sort of form or finesse. But, with my spotting, I had to let him try.

On this particular day, as I suspected, the sweetest of all fruits were too high. He failed in his attempt. For the remainder of the session, I told him to look at the fruit that was right in front of him.

We picked up the lighter dumbbells, we worked with machine assisted weights, I reminded him of his breathing patterns on his eccentric and concentric phases and we focused on how to engage the core area of the body.

This seemed easier to him. I think, at the time, he might have felt like he hadn’t achieved what he wanted to from the session. But I told him to  repeat this session on each training day for the rest of the week until we met up again.

The week after, when he walked into the gym, I knew that he would achieve his PB. He had followed my advice and he was full of confidence. And not only did he reach a 125k for 6 reps, he added two more reps to make it a PB of 125k for 8.

It’s the simple stuff he had to get right. His core focus, his breathing, his foot positioning. He had the strength all along, that was never an issue, but he had forgotten all about the low hanging fruit because that sweet fruit way up high seemed so tempting!

I haven’t got a catchy quote to add to this message, but I would say this…

If you are finding something a bit overwhelming today, take a step back, do the easy stuff first, stay calm, breath, take one thing at a time and simplify it.

Can you believe I actually got my wife to take a picture of me with some low hanging fruit just for this blog?!

Tomorrow

I like to look at the world a bit differently. It’s what inspires me to do things that don’t necessarily fit with the norms. For example, I was inspirational to a few maybe, but mostly bonkers to many who found out I was dropping everything I had done and achieved in England to move to rural Portugal.

Indeed, selling my house, giving up my business and taking my kids out of school to hop on a plane to Portugal with no house, job or school to go to was a little different. But I put my trust in tomorrow. I heard it coming. Ok, now I sound completely bonkers! Let me explain.

I’ll start with a quote from David Bowie. He said,”Tomorrow belongs to those who can hear it coming.”

If you know anything about Bowie then we can understand what he meant by that. From characters like Ziggy Stardust and Aladdin Sane to talking openly about gender fluidity and racial injustice in the 70’s and 80’s, he was always one step ahead of social norms. This was further proven when Jeremy Paxman asked Bowie about his opinion of the internet back in 1999. Bowie said,”I think the potential of what the internet is going to do to society, both good and bad, is unimaginable.” He went on to describe it as an alien life form that will crush our ideas of what mediums are all about.

Well, he wasn’t wrong, was he?

And even up to his recording of his final album, Blackstar, Bowie always knew more than the rest of us. He didn’t have super powers, he just heard tomorrow coming.

It’s possible to hear if you listen hard enough. But why would you want to?!

Tomorrow is a day that can bring hope, ideas and value. And to some extent, if you can hear it, you can prepare much better for it which can mean fresh hope, new ideas and better value to your life. And, seeing as it’s close to a new year, one could say the same for that too.

I heard tomorrow coming and as bonkers as it might sound, with a great deal of determination and preparation, moving to another country with no home, job or school wasn’t too bad. My wife and I planned daily what we would do as soon as we set foot off of the plane. We had planned it daily for some time. In fact, we had heard tomorrow coming for years.

So it might seem like I look at the world differently, but maybe I’m just keeping an ear to the ground… Bowie style.

November

It’s coming up to three years since I started blogging. December 13th 2001 was my actual first one. Perhaps my ability to write in a professional way or using my words in a more creative manner hasn’t improved much, that isn’t really up to me to judge. But it wasn’t ever really my intention to showcase my writing skills. There are many skilled bloggers and writers whose work I read that are expertly done.

I simply wanted to write something of a journal. Something that, occasionally, someone would read and identify with. Maybe give a piece of advice, either for the reader or my future self and make someone laugh or think.

My favourite place to write was in the gym. In-between sets I’d write another paragraph or two. The gym has always been my thinking space. But for the past year I haven’t had that space due to my move to Portugal. With the upheaval of buying a house and setting up a new business, my moments of sitting on a workbench and finding the headspace hasn’t been easy. And anyway, I don’t have a gym at the moment.

I always knew that this would be my biggest challenge. Despite my unhappiness of living in a place where I didn’t want to be, there was a part of my life that would be left with a heavy heart.

The sea at Cornelian bay was always a pleasure to look out to. Good for the soul. The gym of course, with my trainees and friends who I would see almost daily in there. It was like a community. I also helped out with coaching at schools and holiday clubs which gave me a great sense of achievement at making a kids day a bit better. And then there’s family of course.

I don’t have one bit of regret in regards to my move to Portugal, but it doesn’t mean that I can’t miss things from my previous life either.

This month was my birthday. My dad had planned a trip from England to visit for a couple of days. This would be the first time I saw him in just over a year. We talked, laughed and ate too much in the restaurants. The boys loved his visit. They were so excited. Unfortunately, despite November being a very sunny month so far, he seemed to bring the British weather with him! So it rained a lot.

I’m still working to get my gym space in order so that I can train and write my blogs in-between sets, but it hasn’t quite happened just yet. It’s all a process. I keep reminding myself of how far we’ve come to create what we have already. It’s all a process and I need to be patient. But in the meantime, I’ll leave you with a few pics from the past week during my dad’s visit.

Stay well friends.

Rocky Ground

The front of our property has been a bit of a dumping ground since we bought it. Old mattresses, kitchen sinks and rubble have littered it for months whilst the builders have been around.

But since they left and we are now an operating guest house and wellbeing centre we have been busy tidying it up and creating something more eye catching than a building site for our guests!

Below are a few photos of the progression we’ve made. The urns are broken, but we positioned them so that it isn’t obvious. The plants are succulents that will hopefully thrive all year round. We used a sprinkling of stone dust before putting down a layer of decorative pebbles and the rocks are all from the original building that is now the guest house!

At last it’s an entrance to our property that we can be proud of.

I Need Help

I randomly watched an interview from 1997 with Elton John the other day where he mentioned seeing Elvis months before he died. Elton was worried for Elvis with how he looked and wasn’t surprised when he heard that Elvis had died not long after.

Shortly after this news, Elton made a massive decision himself to seek help for his lifestyle. In his words in this interview with Oprah Winfrey he said that he told those closest to him and professionals that he needed help

“I need help. Those three words are so important. And once I said those words I never looked back.” Elton said.

Yet those three words don’t always have to come at your most desperate times. Unlike most of us, Elton John, as he admits in the interview, had wealth and a fame that enabled him to be surrounded by people that told him daily how great he was. His career, selling millions of records, was confirming his popularity. But that could not stop this urge to almost self destruct. He said those words just in time and maybe Elvis didn’t.

It doesn’t matter who we are. Whether we are successful in our job, exercise, meditate or pray daily, have a loving family and supportive friends, become one of the most famous names in the world. The need to say “I need help,” sometimes is important.

But rather than saying them just in the nick of time, perhaps we need to learn to say them more regularly. Maybe we need help with a work deadline or organising an event that seems to have bogged you down. Or it could be something even smaller like asking for help with a bench press at the gym or reaching for an item on the top shelf at the supermarket!

Yes, it might seem trivial, but the burden of always having to come across as so friggin’ perfect all the time is actually a breath of fresh air. And this perfection seems to be something that we have to aim for these days. We have to be seen to be saying and doing the right thing all of the time because we get judged by strangers, colleagues and social media.

The other month I was looked at rather strangely as I said that I needed help changing a car tyre. A man who had obviously had lots of experience in changing car tyres did it very quickly. But for a moment I became quite self conscious that, as a man, I should have been able to do that. But that is, in fact, bollocks.

I have helped rehabilitate Team GB athletes from serious injury, I’ve successfully structured fitness programmes and healthy eating diets for hundreds of people and I’ve supported many people with mental health issues. I consider myself to be quite good at all of that. Sod the society that says that my masculinity is questioned because I can’t change a tyre. I’m crap with a drill as well but I don’t worry about it anymore. I just ask for help from someone who is better at it than me like my wife.

Now, whenever I ask for help, I can feel a tension release from my shoulders. That’s where I feel the stress the most. It travels into my trapezius, my neck and finally my head. And whether it’s a big problem or a small problem, asking for a little bit of help can stop it from manifesting. And when you surround yourself with the right people, it’s amazing how many people are happy to help.

Centro De Bem Estar And How I Got Here

Louise asked me to go to a meditation guide with her. I politely said no.

This was 9 years ago when we lived in Pudsey, Leeds and Lou had just given birth to our second child. She needed a moment each week to be able to find some head space away from a toddler, a baby and a husband spending hours at the gym trying to pick up new clients as a fledgling personal trainer. Lou was a full time mum. The hardest job in the world.

I said no because I felt that I had my therapy in the form of working out at the gym. I was obsessed with not just what it gave me aesthetically, but the endorphins it released. It was my natural drug. My focus. I explained this to Lou but meditation with a qualified guide was something that she wanted us to try together.

In an effort to support her and to show an interest in something that had positively touched her life, I eventually went to the meditation guide with Lou. It was in a wellbeing centre in Pudsey. I can’t remember the cost exactly. Maybe £30 or £40 for the hour. I was sceptical about it. I mean, how could it affect me in the same way it had Lou? My therapy was in a gym!

Yet strangely, as I reflected on my first experience of the meditation session, I found many similarities to that of the gym. The gym is where I can shut out the noise of the world. In fact, I disliked gyms that had a radio playing with hourly news broadcasts. For that moment in my life I didn’t want to hear about financial crashes, wars or politics. The only problem I wanted swimming around my head is how I engaged with the particular exercise that I was performing, be it a deadlift, bench press, squat, whatever. That is all I wanted in my mind.

Similarly, as I gained more experience in meditation, I found that very same focus in this practice. I only wanted to focus on my breathing and feeling my chest rise and fall as I did so. Clutter would leave my head, instead I visualised health, success, future goals and happiness.

I began to realise that, although the gym was my happy place where I could feel safe, adding meditation into my life was like a superpower! A gym routine and regular meditation was a superpower. My breathing during exercise became better, not just during exercise, but in stressful situations. I could remain calmer under pressure. I focussed even closer on my life goals. I dwelled less on missed past opportunities and began mapping out a future for me and my family. Together, my training and meditation routines did that.

I’m so glad that Lou went to a meditation session all those years ago and I’m relieved that I eventually went with her. I have just finished filming with A New Life In The Sun for this season in my home in Portugal. I’m looking out at the forest, the swimming pool, my gym space and the massage room and I practically visualised this exact picture for years in my mind during training and meditation. My aim was to help others achieve their goals and that is what I’m now doing through the wellbeing centre (Centro de bem estar).

However you choose to gain focus on what matters to you in life, practice it consistently and believe in it. Become obsessed by it. Tell the universe that you will do it, no matter what. And then live it.