Tag Archives: meditation

I Just Find It Really Difficult To Clear My Mind

After a recent conversation with a client I recommended meditation as an option to relieve her of the anxiety that she currently has.

She replied, as so many people do, that she finds it difficult to clear her mind to be able to meditate.

This is just one of the misconceptions about meditation and I feel that more people might be open to trying it if they understood that it isn’t about clearing the mind.

Our mind has often been described as a chimp that won’t stop jumping around, chattering and sometimes being a little mischievous. It won’t stay still. This is your ‘monkey mind’.

Your monkey mind won’t go away, but you can retrain it.

I meditate using lots of different methods but a trusted way of doing this is by using a guide. Lots of guides are available on YouTube, with Jason Stephenson being my particular favourite. Because the guide gives you direction during meditation, they are helping you to retrain your pesky, fidgety chimp, not get rid of it.

And of course, even with a quiet moment to yourself, soothing music or a meditation guide, the chances of thinking about what’s for the kid’s tea is pretty high! That’s totally normal.

Change the word ‘meditation’ to ‘think’. It might help you in your approach to your ‘thinking’ time.

Try thinking about you in 6 months, a year, 5 years and beyond. Think about your family and friends and your aspirations. Think about the dream holiday, house or job. Think about yours and your loved ones health.

Of course, you might still hear the clatter of the monkey in your head distracting your thoughts. It might even take you to events from your past and moments you prefer to forget. The more you try to escape your monkey, the more you become angry at it. Instead, stand tall, smile at it and, over time, even make peace with your monkey. Befriend it.

Meditation doesn’t have to be an over elaborate ritual with candles. It can be just sitting and lying down with a cuppa. Thinking positive thoughts. You’ll never clear your mind, but you can retrain it.

Nobody’s Mood Is Getting Me Down Today

Some days can be a drag. Perhaps the ups of a festival with lots of live music with thousands of people can leave the next day a bit of a come down. It’s a bank holiday but there’s lots to do. A business plan keeps popping up in my mind but I keep procrastinating. I’ve watched Darwin Nunez’s two goals from yesterday a hundred times and I’ve decided to write this blog. Important, but not as pressing as the business plan.

Or is it?

I’m writing down my thoughts of exactly how I’m feeling in the now. Kinda like a diary. Something that I have encouraged many of my clients to do. So maybe it is quite pressing. Except this diary is put out to the world for everyone to read. Still, if it resonates with just one person then I’m happy for this to be seen.

I had to go into my son’s bedroom today to intervene in a dispute on Fortnight. He was upset. This grumpiness is usually a sign of tiredness. We didn’t leave the festival until 11 last night and he hasn’t learnt the art of sleeping in on a bank holiday yet.

After giving advice about how to move forward regarding his dispute he still argued his point to me. Feeling like a Premiership referee with a footballer contesting his red card, I said,”Nobody’s mood is getting me down today.” With that I left his room.

I knew that I was tired and edgy myself first thing this morning. It’s nothing that a coffee wouldn’t solve, but telling my son, myself and what felt like the whole universe, “nobody’s mood is getting me down today,” helped me in developing today’s mantra. The aggressive driver, the rude person in the supermarket barging into the queue, any phone caller trying to piss on my parade or my own kid throwing a paddy over a computer game were not going to get me down today.

Eventually, I have now got my kids to come off of their screens and play a board game. Old skool playing. The game is called The Game Of Life. A classic 70’s game about trying to ‘win’ at life.

Perhaps defiantly stating to the world that nobody will get me down is a little win at life for myself. At least for today.

Why You Should Own A Singing bowl

Before I was introduced to singing bowls or anything at all that represented meditation I was very sceptical about the benefits. Because of this, I feel that I’m in a pretty good place to encourage you in using a singing bowl.

After all, it is easier to convince a skeptic if you’ve been one yourself, right? Well, I think so.

It was no surprise to me that the Personal Trainers who had made body transformations and had made life changing acts themselves were the ones who were the most successful in recruiting new clients in the gym.

They had experienced both sides of the journey. They knew why people were failing in their fitness journey and they knew, going by their own experience, on how to put it right. No matter how good a PT is as a sales person, real life examples where a PT can give background to their story were always a winner.

So, back to the singing bowl. Sort of.

First of all I need to point out that I have always lived as an atheist or perhaps I’ve been also known to be called a humanist. I don’t believe in a god or the afterlife. Certainly not the afterlife that we have been taught by any religion that I know of.

The definition of humanism, according to Humanists UK, describes that ‘in the absence of an afterlife and any discernible purpose to the universe, human beings can act to give their own lives meaning by seeking happiness in this life and helping others to do the same.’

That said, then, how could I possibly entertain the possibility of owning a singing bowl? After all, didn’t they originate from Tibetan monasteries, owned by the monks? It certainly didn’t seem like something I could be enthusiastic about if it had a religious background. If I were to find happiness, I never felt that any religious practice would help my plight.

However, with further research into the singing bowl, I discovered that this isn’t the only reason why it is used. Other than the spiritually fuelled rituals that can be dated back 5,000 years in Mesopotamia, it also has a healing power that can be backed by science.

Ah! Science! Back in my comfort zone. Phew!

Researchers have discovered that, when filled with water, the vibrations of the singing bowl will lift and manipulate the water, causing droplets to dance across the surface in a choreographed way. Researchers found this by filming the process and slowing down the imagery.

Since humans are made up of around 70% water, it begins to make sense that these vibrations made by the bowl can manipulate the human body. The body can begin to harmonize with the bowl presenting opportunities for balance, healing and grounding.

Today’s western use of the singing bowl is often seen in yoga studios, where they can be used in yoga classes but also in sound baths, which is becoming increasingly popular as a form of sound healing along with gongs and chimes whilst meditating.

This isn’t just becoming more popular for adults. As you can see with my youngest child, Finlay, he is perfecting his technique with the singing bowl as he finds it a relaxing experience.

So, have I convinced you to own a singing bowl?

If so, it is important to do your research when purchasing one. Of course, as soon as they know that it is a profitable business, retailers are clambering all over each other to sell you any old tat that has no connection to their origins. They may be a little bit more expensive, but you will love the quality and sound of an authentic bowl hand made in Nepal from a reputable source for instance.

Best Face

I parked the car and sat in silence to what seemed an eternity, staring at the brick wall in front of me. I felt almost paralyzed. Stuck in a time warp.

Suddenly with a large gasp of breath my body moved. I blinked. I snapped out of the motionless loop.

I calmed my breath, picked up my phone to write this and felt a sudden release for the feelings that my head was able to pour out.

In half an hour, I am meant to walk into the gym for what will be one of the final times to conduct a PT session. It’ll be a great session. It has been planned and my client is always willing to do their very best. The gym is nice too. It has some lovely people to meet.

Half an hour. Hmm. I’d best tap down my words with ultra speed. I haven’t got long. My hand is shaking which isn’t helping. Thank goodness for auto correct. My vision is cloudy. I blink a few times and I stare at this screen. Other than my eyelids and a tapping thumb it feels like an eternity since I last moved. My back will scream at me once I do. Once I can.

Half an hour. I’d best put my best face on which, if I’m being totally honest, feels lost right now. Will I find it in the glove box? Maybe in the boot of the car? No. But if I dig deep enough into my soul I know that I will find it. 8 years a PT, three years at the front of house in a busy restaurant and many many years supporting vulnerable people means that I have become very good at finding it when I need to. People rely on me. I commit to times and appointments and I keep them. My kids. My wife. I find it all the time.

Come on best face. I know you’re in there.

If only this feeling of adrenaline in my belly would go, perhaps I would be able to operate better. We know it better as ‘butterflies’. It’s currently whooshing up into my head which isn’t making it easy to think. Damn butterflies.

The more I try to place logic onto my current mood, the more it frustrates me. Here I am, now fifteen minutes away from stepping out of my car, walking the same path and entering the same building that I have done for the past four and a bit years and yet I feel that if I were to attempt it now, right this very instant, my feet would not move.

15 minutes. No *checks clock*, 13.

Franz Kafka wrote,”I was ashamed of myself when I realized life was a costume party, and I attended with my real face.”

My best face is my costume. I realized that my real face wouldn’t sell PT and would put the diners off of their meals at the restaurant. The only people who would truly understand my real face are the vulnerable people who I supported. They were often misunderstood by society too. Maybe that is what made them vulnerable. It has nothing to do with their behaviours or abilities, it’s just that society doesn’t understand them so it labels them ‘vulnerable’.

Vulnerable to what? Social media? War? Corruption? Too fucking right. Then perhaps we can all empathize with this vulnerability.

5 minutes. I need to bring my breathing back to its normal pattern.

4 minutes. I look outside of the car window. This time out of the passenger side. At least it has people mulling about out there. A sign that the world is continuing outside of my car.

3 minutes. I need to wrap this up. I hate being late.

2 minutes. I hear my mantra. ‘I am in control. I am in control of my body and my mind.’ Repeat, repeat, repeat.

1 minute. I’ll promise to give the best version of myself today and smash it.

No minutes left. Best face.

Spirit Guide

Episode 5 on my podcast channel is now available to listen to called Spirit Guide.

Whether you are spiritual or not, the power of energy can always help you in finding solutions to your future plans.

Check out my podcast, NGU Guided Meditation , on Spotify for Podcasters: https://anchor.fm/shay-durant-duckworth

Positive Outcomes

For the past eight years as a Personal Trainer and now more recently as a meditation guide and Cognitive Behavioural Therapist I have been asking people what they want from life/gym/work/relationships and I will often get a reply about what they don’t want.

It seems that we are fixated, or petrified, of what is going to or could go wrong. And maybe that is a natural response. It’s our defence mechanism. It enables us, we think, to deal with disappointment.

In my own personal experience at the moment, when I tell people about my move to Portugal, from the majority of people they will instantly say ‘but what about work?’ or what about this and what if that.

I understand their concerns. Every possible outcome has been observed by my wife and I. But the positive outcomes are the ones that we channel our energy into. In techniques such as meditation, quantum jumping, mantras and cleansing our spaces of negative energy through singing bowls we know that the vibrations that we are sending to the universe will provide positive outcomes.

I have spoken before about how the universe acts like a computer algorithm. It will respond to whatever we are focussed on.

Do you find that you start to get advertisements for your next holiday because you googled ‘cheap holiday deals’?

You might find that topics that you have researched on your phone recently will appear as ads on this blog.

The universe does the same.

So if I devote my time to the things that I want to happen in my life, the more likely it is going to happen.

The signals that I send into the universe will determine how I react to certain events in my life and the outcomes that will play out.

When you focus your energy on becoming fitter, eating healthier and setting gym goals you begin to feel better about yourself and you will start to see results much quicker.

If you focus your energy on losing your belly, banning chocolate and not planning your gym time then what you have done is send negative energy and you are more likely to feel negative from your experiences.

It is, of course, so much easier to channel this energy through meditation. A moment each day where you can type in all the positive good stuff into your computer and allow the algorithms to give you its feedback.

What I want you to do right now after you read this is to stop fearing what could go wrong and start welcoming what could go right.

Do it each day. You might be pleasantly surprised.

Something New

I have just launched my podcast channel which is found in the link below. Just like any great series, perhaps the first few episodes might come across as raw. Even Friends had a great big pillar in the way for the first series in Monica’s apartment!

So once I get over the nerves of talking and recording myself for everyone to hear I think I can nail it and make it a useful tool. Hope you enjoy!

Check out my podcast, NGU Guided Meditation , on Spotify for Podcasters: https://anchor.fm/shay-durant-duckworth

Quantum Jump Manifestation

We tend to only see ourselves as part of this universe. Indeed, the word ‘universe’ indicates that there’s just one. And yet we know very little about what is beyond our own galaxy. As we learn more about quantum physics, we are also becoming more open to what else is out there.

What if we could actually discover what lies beyond our galaxy within these parallel realities? What if you could discover new layers to this world and make contact with alternate versions of yourself?

This week, that is where I’ve been. This souped up variation of a visualization meditation can take you on a journey of discovery and empowerment. I felt it and I learnt a great deal about me and my future. Just for a moment, I lived it.

Before I explain more about QJM, I first need to describe to you how the universe works for us. The universe is like a Google search bar. When you type in a search on Google, the algorithm will match what it is you’re looking for. So sophisticated is this engine, that it will also begin to create ads and suggestions based on what you input into it. Well, the universe works in exactly the same way.

A vibrational frequency from your thoughts and emotions is picked up by the universe where it will begin to match your frequency into matching algorithms.

So QJM allows us to get deep inside our subconscious mind and shape our inner beliefs and expectations. Through QJM we can access dormant areas of our minds and explore desired realities. Through these focussed techniques of QJM, we can create positive outcomes and allow the universe to process this through its matching algorithms.

Quite a lot of guided meditations that I use when I feel like I need it is by Jason Stephenson on YouTube. I really would recommend that you allow yourself some time to listen and focus on his version of a Quantum Jump Manifestation. They can be a lengthy hour or two though, so do make sure that you can have an evening to yourself (or with a partner) to take the jump. You might like some time to process your experience afterwards too.

Although I’m qualified in guided meditations I’m going to continue learning and hopefully find a way of qualifying me to conduct QJM for other people, so I won’t be sharing any of my versions just yet! But if you are interested in giving it a go, check out Jason Stephenson’s QJM and tell me how you got on.

For now, keep feeding those positive thoughts to the universe.

Walk Along The Way

We get bogged down by the details sometimes. We forget to actually do, because we’re wrapped up in the how.

A how is only important if you’re actively doing in the first place. And then you start finding how to do it.

The 13th century poet Rumi said, “As you start to walk along the way, the way appears.”

In other words don’t dither, just do.

By all means have a plan. Have a plan B. But the more you sit on the finer details, the more it is less likely to happen. So sometimes, as Rumi alludes to, it is only once you are on your path will the journey start to become clearer.

Perhaps I told people too early about our relocation to Portugal. It means that what I told people 4 months ago is completely different today. Yes, the way is Portugal, but the plan has changed daily. I’m sure anybody asking me about it is wishing that they hadn’t bothered!

From selling our house, budgets, liaising with UK and Portuguese solicitors and consulates, renting or buying in Portugal, where exactly in Portugal we will settle, the business plan, the kids schooling and when we will actually buy our one way ticket is still keeping this journey a mystery. But there’s one certainty and that is that it will happen. We know that because we are walking along the way.

The way has obstacles. It isn’t easy. But if anything is worth getting, then it has to be with full commitment, belief and a great deal of bloody stubbornness.

We’re learning along the way and we will make mistakes. But mistakes, and the unforeseen circumstances beyond our control, are what mold us into grittier and more determined people. We cannot get lost in our pain, because one day the pain will become the cure.

Think about something that you are passionate about doing. It doesn’t have to be anything at all like mine. This is your passion. Now visualize it. Live it for a few moments. What do you see? How does this passion that you have imagined as your reality make you feel? Can you see yourself smiling, laughing, dancing as a confident happy person?

Because that’s what following your passions should be like. Living your life how you want to live it should make you feel fulfilled. Don’t be afraid to find your happiness. You just need to start to walk along the way.