lifestyle – Page 6 – Never Give Up PT

Fatherhood, Portugal And The Comfort Zone.

I’ve changed a lot since becoming a father. Unrecognisable really. The younger, childless me was pretty care free. Sure, I had moments of angst and bouts of depression, but this was usually countered by alcohol or other recreational medication. Of course, this made things worse. Still, I held down a good job and had a couple of ‘serious’ relationships. My parents were, to the best of my knowledge , happy. I had friends. I had money, albeit spending it on the wrong things. Nothing too spectacular to see here.

I would describe myself as a pretty average 20 something living in Leeds (or at least, those that I knew!). I wasn’t a bad person. Think Joey or Chandler from Friends. I worked and had adult responsibilities, but I also liked to goof around playing Foosball (pool) with my mates rather than entering real life situations.

Meeting my future wife was a turning point, but, even then, I was crap with responsibility and being an adult.

And then I became a father. The ton of bricks hit me immediately. I took control. I knew that I couldn’t simply click my fingers and be the world’s best dad. I had to work on myself. The sign would say “Work In Progress”. It still does.

I now prepare for a future away from the next visit to the pool hall and a pint of Stella. I put commitments and plans in place way beyond what I do on a weekend as I used to navigate my time around the next Liverpool match or box set. My vision has become based upon my kids secondary school, their teenage years, further education, lifestyle, their careers and their opportunities and lives when I’m no longer around. Everything I do now is for them. Every gym visit, every job I undertake and every move in this game of chess called life is about what will benefit my children.

Seven years ago, with a baby just a few months old, my wife and I made a decision. The day after the UK had decided to leave the EU, we decided to leave the UK. I understand now, however difficult to get my head around it, that the majority of voters wanted Brexit. But we didn’t. I could see no solid evidence of happy endings from a country trying to recover from a recession leaving one of the largest economies in the world. And with the political landscape across the globe in such a panic in regards to war, terrorism and (later) pandemics, I felt that we needed to build friendships, allies and be united against those trying to harm our way of life. Now was not the time to create division.

Our decision to leave the UK wouldn’t have been so concrete if it hadn’t been for our children. We believe that our children will have better opportunities with the options to study, live and work with the freedom to move into 28 other countries. Once we make the move to Portugal (Visa pending now of course) our children will be EU citizens again and will be able to give them what we in the UK once had.

I sometimes wish that I had travelled and worked in different countries when I was younger. Learning new languages and meeting different people and cultures is a great way to discover the world we live in.

I want my kids to take away the blinkers and discover their world for themselves. To see and experience new things. I guess this is why we moved to Scarborough on the east coast of England before really putting our European plan into action. I loved Scarborough growing up as a kid. My kids love Scarborough now. We all do. But we also know that there are more adventures to be had elsewhere.

The more experiences that we can provide for our children, the easier their transition into adulthood can be. Soon, they’ll be sitting in a classroom having to understand Portuguese. That will be daunting for them, I know. But if they can overcome that, then not only will they acquire very good skills in the Portuguese language, but they will have less fear when it comes to their first day at Uni or traveling to a different country for a job opportunity. It will take them out of their comfort zone and into a world of opportunities.

Yes, I’ve changed a lot since becoming a father. I realized that I had to leave MY comfort zone. I had to start making decisions that were right for this tiny human being I held in my hands. And wherever it takes us, it is done with their wellbeing in mind.

Learning (The Knack)

“If you are not willing to learn, no one can help you. If you are determined to learn, no one can stop you.” Zig Ziglar.

The boy in class who chatted to friends, didn’t listen to his teacher and rarely handed in his homework somehow, once again, got 100% in his maths test.

How does he do it? I thought as another bit of my confidence and self esteem left my 14 year old self. I DID try. I enjoyed trying to learn. The problem is I found facts and figures hard to retain.

As an adult I’m fairly clued up and, although you guys reading this could pick my blogs to shreds I’m sure, I have a decent understanding of Mathematics, English, Geography, History and all of the other mandatory school subjects. I like to think that I’d get a decent cash builder and give a Chaser a run for their money too! But what might come easily to some, without seeming to put in the hard graft, I need to understand it, re-read it and try and remember it before it sinks in. There’s a knack to it. I’m still learning the knack.

One thing that I did excel in, however, later became my career. I’m good at dealing with people. Emotions, conversation, body language and the ability to read a situation is important for a Personal Trainer. Add to that my passion for sport, physical exercise and training I was made for PT. Of course, passing my Anatomy and Physiology coursework was as testing as I remember my homework at school. I had to work extra hard to remember muscle groups, facts etc to really nail my exam. I passed it, but even now I revisit this as I understand that learning doesn’t ever have a final point. It’s a journey that continues.

And because I have the knowledge with the ability to guide myself and others through the minefield of the health and fitness industry, I feel that I’m worth paying for. Sometimes, we need to invest in someone to help us achieve a goal.

I know that my new subject is one that will probably require me to pay for further education if I am to become good at it. I’m learning Portuguese.

I’ve been using a free app and it will enable me to order food at a restaurant and exchange pleasantries. This was tested last week on my visit to Portugal. But if I am to live there, work there and fully integrate myself into their country and culture, I need to be able to communicate with Portuguese people to a higher standard than a free app will let me. I am learning words, yes, but applying these words to create structured sentences with the correct syntax is vital to acquiring a new language.

Of course, the locals were forgiving when I visited. They appreciated my efforts. And it annoys me when a visitor to a foreign country makes no effort at all to say a word or two in the native tongue of the country. I at least know ‘thankyou’ in about 10 different languages because I looked it up before visiting that country. Although, again, my brain keeps getting a little confused which makes me say ‘thankyou’ in Bulgarian when I’m actually in Portugal. My defense is that they sound similar and I’m sticking to it!

The similarities to how I approach my fitness training regime and learning a new language are closer than you’d think. I need a ‘why’. Why do I train? Ok that’s easy. I want to remain as active for my kids and grandkids as possible and be independent for as long as I can in older age. And why do I want to learn Portuguese? Language was created as a survival method between different tribes and communities. I want to survive and thrive in a new country to really make the move work. It just has to be done.

Essentially, they both have to be done to survive. Also, they take roughly the same amount of time per day. About an hour of training and an hour of learning. And they both enable me to become a more rounded person.

When it comes to my ‘why’, I’ll be willing to do what it takes to stay on target with my goals. I just need to keep developing the knack.

Tomar

Seeing as our previous holiday outside of the UK was just before the 2020 lockdown hit, we decided to take a week in central Portugal with our boys this January. We weren’t disappointed.

Staying in the centre of a city can give you a good idea of a place and our apartment was above cafés on a busy street. Wherever we went, we came across lots of cafés. The vibes were positive. My morning routine soon became going to the nearest cafe with the boys and choosing a few patisseries for them to take back up to the apartment while I sat outside the cafe soaking up the atmosphere with a double espresso.

I can see the attraction of this cafe culture in places like Tomar. This is how many of the locals would start their day, congregating around a table on the pavement and having a chat. I enjoyed people watching. My eavesdropping, however, wasn’t so good in Portuguese. You get good thinking time in the few minutes that it takes to drink an espresso too. In just a week, most of my best business plans came in that moment each morning. Whatever our plans. Whatever we aspire to achieve, whatever we want to do with our lives, we need thinking time in order to do it.

And Tomar was indeed partly a business trip. But with two kids with us, everything is generally a little unconventional. We had to merge a holiday with the stuff that we went there to do. The kids loved it. In fact, they enjoyed the bits where Lou and I had appointments and had to travel.

We enjoy a holiday in the sun by the beach with a water park outside of our hotel, but they seem to also appreciate talking to people in another language, taking notice of the architecture, trying different food and finding out about the history of towns and cities that they visit. Many locals didn’t speak English and Tomar is steeped in history, so we all enjoyed learning along the way.

Of course, I had to try the different food and drinks on offer during my stay. It’s a good job it is ‘bulking season’! However, the pastal de natas that I ate each morning aren’t a great dietary need for any time of the season, they just tasted good! So did the wine!

Getting back to a steady diet and a training routine will take a few days. Whenever we have a period of time off it can have that sort of impact on our energy and motivation. I know that I’ll have a couple of ‘sluggish’ gym sessions which can deter people from carrying on. It’s easy to think that all of the hard work and good progress is lost after a period of time eating lots of food and having time away from training, but it really isn’t. The body needs down time too. And there’s no better place than in a cafe in Tomar.

Be Kind

As I ran home crying from the group of kids because of name calling, I remember my mum telling me to ignore them. ‘Kids can be cruel’, she said.

It seems to be a given that, at some stage in their young lives, kids will be teased about their appearance or their character.

I had big front teeth, didn’t always wear the newest, trendiest trainers and I didn’t ‘join in’ with the other kids games. Games such as throwing stones at passers by or tormenting the old man who was thought of as the local ‘wierdo’. I didn’t smoke or drink to look tough in front of my mates and I didn’t like to swear. I was an easy target for 12 year olds to pick on in an estate where you had to look after yourself to survive it.

However, I was very good at football. This, between young peers, can be a golden ticket that saves you from years of bullying. Despite my lack of ‘coolness’ in my appearance or my actions, I’d be one of the first to be picked on their team when it was time to play footy.

‘We want Ducky!’ they would shout as the team captains picked their teams. Ducky was my nickname because of my last name, Duckworth. And even if I went back to the estate today in Leeds 9, I would get a call from across the road by a bloke in his 40’s shouting ‘Ducky! Alright mate!’

I was, despite a few incidents of name calling, a child who escaped awful bullying. Football and a cool nickname saved me. And into my teen years, after a series of playground fights with other kids, I was never bullied or even heard a hint of name-calling. Seemingly, my ability to have a scrap in the playground was pretty useful too. Kids rarely picked on a kid who could fight back. But these days I worry about the kids.

Kids might have received a bloody nose and a ripped shirt that they’d have to explain to their mum after a scrap in the playground. But these days I worry about weapons being carried. That never entered my head as a kid as I readied myself against the school bully. Today it would.

But anyway, as my mum said, kids can be cruel. So where do they get it from?

My concern is that if we as adults normalize bullying then our children will see this as perfectly normal behaviour too. I made a decision this week to take myself off of Facebook. I share pictures of family life and work life on Instagram which is fine for what I want to use it for, but I found that Facebook was getting out of hand. I’ll tell you why.

Last week a well known UK television presenter wrote an article in one of the biggest selling newspapers about Meghan Markle. What he said, in my opinion, should never have been published. It incited violence and gave his readers a reason to ‘hate’ a woman who was already vilified by the UK press. This was adding fuel to an already very raging fire.

On Facebook I read so many comments that were congratulating the article. The words which they used to attack Megan Markle were disgraceful. Any attempts to call out the bullies were met with comments about being ‘woke’ or a ‘snowflake’.

Is that where we are at now as a society?

A couple of years ago a young woman took her own life because of the negative publicity she was receiving about her personal life. Caroline Flack was a TV presenter who, on screen, was confident and bubbly. But the UK press hounded her about her off screen troubles. A ‘Be kind’ hashtag became popular and it seemed that, maybe, the press knew it had gone too far in its reporting of Flack. But unfortunately, if the latest media target has anything to go by, it is back bigger and uglier than ever.

Name-calling, trolling and hate speech has been normalized.

Last year I helped an elderly man with a few techniques in the gym so that he could walk easier. He loved to go for walks with his wife but was struggling. Each time he saw me in the gym he would say ‘Shay! Because of what you have shown me, I am getting stronger on my feet again!’ His confidence in the gym had grown and he seemed to have a spring in his step again.

But just last week, I asked him how his exercise routine was going and he said that he had stopped doing it. Two men had started to comment and laugh at him every time he started his exercises. What they thought was ‘banter’, was having a serious impact on the older man’s experience in the gym and therefore his health. He will only use the treadmill now which is in a different section of the gym to where the two men train.

Our words and our actions can impact other people’s lives. We have a choice of whether we want to use our words and actions for good or for bad. We don’t always realise how profound our words and actions can be.

But if you are ever unsure, as a general rule of thumb, just be kind.

Snow

‘Oh shit.’ I muttered as a van slowly slid down the hill towards my car with me and the boys inside.

I would usually wince at my curses if I were in the vicinity of the kids and tell myself off for using such language. Tonight, however, it’s a wonder it wasn’t something stronger.

Within a split second, which seemed to happen in slow motion, the van uncontrollably came closer to the car. It would do a considerable amount of damage to the car if it hit it, but I was confident that me and the boys would be safe. My wife, though, was the one pushing our car up the hill! Any sort of collision, considering the cars revving hard up the hill and the sliding cars coming down it, could have been very serious to anybody on foot.

Luckily, and what seemed to be just a couple of inches away, the van managed to stop as I continued to rev my car up the hill as my wife, now with a couple of helpers, got my car onto a flatter surface.

The journey back from taking our boys for their swimming lessons had turned into quite an adventure. A journey that should take 10 minutes took an hour and a half.

That evening, along with my long list of Google questions such as ‘Schools in Santarem’ and ‘Houses for sale in Santarem’, ‘Does it snow in Santarem?’ entered the search history.

Next year will be the year that I move with my family to Portugal. The weather isn’t the biggest motivation, but last night it did nudge up a few places on the priority list.

I used to like it when it snowed. I have lovely memories of snowball fights and building snowmen as a kid. But as a grown up, I only like it on a greetings card. Snow means a loss of earnings and near misses with vans.

It also means I don’t get to the gym to train myself as much. Of course, the snow doesn’t play a huge part in this. It might cause a day or two of disruption but I have a long list of work and house chores that need doing and, generally, the lead up to the Christmas week represents a rest period to my regular training schedule. And although January would usually be the green light to get stuck into my schedule again, a week away in Portugal in the first week of the new year will give me extra time to enjoy my ‘bulking’ period.

After all, who can go to Portugal and not try a pastel de nata or two?

Silver Surfer

I find myself talking about it more and more with my wife. Within my circle of friends the subject keeps cropping up. And for my clients it is often a topic of discussion.

Age. Or the ageing process.

Lately I’ve found that a couple of stubby beers at 4% and a couple of glasses of wine on an evening is fairly excessive to me lately. My younger self would be calling me a lightweight. I’m happy to be a lightweight.

One too many these days can leave me feeling rubbish and it can ruin the next day. Long gone are the days of me partying on Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights as a twenty something. It didn’t bother me then.

But as I got older my body gave me a little tap on the shoulder and told me to slow down. If I didn’t, it would let me know by feeling ill for the next 24 hours and, whether through having young children, running a business or simply just having a zest for life, I didn’t want to waste a day being so hungover that I was missing an important day. And that’s another thing you realize when you get to a certain age. Life’s too short. Sure, at 20, a day or two having duvet days due to excessive partying doesn’t seem to matter. You’ve got your whole life ahead of you.

Age can’t be ignored though. The ‘whole life ahead of us’ thing at 20 seems like a much shorter route when you reach middle age. We do feel and think differently with age. Attitudes change. Aches and pains appear much more. We can’t escape the process. But the key here is this…we don’t need to accept it.

Dying. That’s what we all need to accept. But we all hope that it will be when we’re very old and we’ve lived a long and happy life before we get there. Being shackled by getting older, being defined by age, this is something that doesn’t have to be accepted.

I rarely teach fitness classes now, but when I did I promised my participants that I would give them what they came for. They deserved a top quality delivery that helped them towards their goals. A class on an early Tuesday morning would attract older people as opposed to a class on the evenings where it would bring in a younger demographic. However, I rarely changed the exercises or the intensity in the morning to how I would approach an evening class. I found that there were many people in their 70’s who were very capable of keeping up with a lively barbell class just as the younger group could.

If I slowed the music down, created easier exercises and spoke to the older people like they were some ‘old dear’ in a retirement home, then they would, over time, become the old dear in a retirement home.

If you tell someone something over a period of time there’s a good chance they start to believe it. Also, similarly with the body. Under perform it and the body gives in to what it has been taught to do. Underperform.

“You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.” Jon Kabat-Zinn.

When your body begins to tell you something about ageing that you should know, you need to listen. The waves get higher as we get older. Instead of regressing to the toddler’s paddling pool in defeat, I’m going to try and ride out those waves. For sure, sometimes I’ll fall into the sea. But if I keep the challenge interesting, fun and with set goals then I am giving myself a chance to thrive as I age.

There’s no doubt that there will be tweaks to be made as we age. Wear and tear is real! But the earlier we can strengthen muscle, bones and joints, the easier it is to deal with general ageing wear and tear. If we fail to address these issues early enough then the body, through the ageing process, will pick up on them. I’d recommend listening to your body before it happens.

The only certainty in life is death and in the western world we are living longer than ever. This is great. However, it means that in many circumstances, our chances of living the final 20 years of our lives with any meaningful quality and dignity are decreasing.

That is, unless, you learn how to surf.

The New Norm

When we reflect on our previous week, month and year, we will often find patterns to our behaviour. Some behaviours add to positive outcomes but some can be negative and impact us greatly. Indeed, the positive things might get unnoticed, while the negative stuff gets pushed to the front of our mind.

Currently residing in Scarborough, I’m holding personal training, meditation and CBT for anxiety sessions as well as remote coaching to create happier, healthier futures to children and adults.

Reflection is good. It will not only assist us in our own lives but it can be a welcome trait for those around us. I might snap at my wife or the kids, for example, but if I am capable of reflection then I can put things right, apologize and do better next time.

So how can reflection help with lifestyle changes in relation to your health and fitness goals? Well, it might surprise you that you do this all the time. You have the cognitive capacity to think, process and act on everything you do in your daily life. But how much of it sticks is usually where the problem lies. Sometimes we end up thinking about a hundred things at once. Our moments of reflection just whiz on by without us really being able to act on them. In the end, nothing gets done.

Unless, of course, reflection becomes a conscious act. As each day goes by, this act will become a subconscious habit. This habit can lead to better decision making.

Bestselling author John Maxwell perhaps says it best when he said, “You’ll never change your life until you change something you do daily. The secret to your success is found in your daily routine.”

Each day you are capable of finding the new norm. A lifestyle that you find fulfilling. It’s the little things that you can reflect on each day. Day by day, little by little, changes happen.

There’s a magic number of days that psychologists and lifestyle coaches often cite as the amount of time it takes to create a positive habit (or get rid of negative ones) and that is 28 days. After this time, research shows, we have trained ourselves to be consistent in our new behaviour.

And, as a Personal Trainer, I find the 28 day rule quite accurate in our approach to our health and fitness. You see, we think that we just need motivation to reach our goals. And whilst a burst of motivation can be helpful, we cannot rely on it. Motivation is a fleeting emotion. It doesn’t last 28 days. Therefore a little bit of strategy is needed.

To find your new norm, firstly you need to stop creating problems. They exist only in your head. If you find yourself doing this, call yourself out in it. Write the problem down if you need to with a set of solutions next to it. Do this daily.

Start a thought or mood diary. Never dismiss writing down your thoughts. This helps with reflection and it keeps you on track on the days that those bursts of motivation escapes you.

Plan ahead but don’t plan your year or your whole life. Just your week or the next day or two. Whatever feels comfortable. Again, write these plans down. It could be when you schedule your exercise times or plan a menu. Keep it where you can see it. As an online PT I keep all daily tasks on my app so that my trainees are alerted each day.

You have a new opportunity each day to change something that you don’t like and to add something positive and meaningful to your life. Act on these few ideas above and start today in finding a new norm.

Believe it or not, I’ve trained my brain to like this green stuff.

What I have Learned From Being A Personal Trainer So Far

For 8 years I’ve been training people in helping them towards their fitness goals. Here’s what I’ve learned so far…

1. It’s the hardest job I’ve ever had. Sure, it sounds cool. Training people in something that I’m passionate about is fantastic and I get to hang around gyms and talk about football and train myself. But I also need to stay business minded. It’s about getting clients and keeping them. Keeping them by setting goals and working towards them. Their results represent my abilities as a PT and my own performance, whether with a client or training myself, will be watched by everyone else. It’s intense.

2. What a client achieves physically isn’t even 50% of their goal completed. They might think it. Great! They’ve lost half a stone. That’s good work. But how do they keep it off? And, now that they have achieved a weight loss target, do they actually respect themselves any more? Do they like themselves? Fitness is more than a PB, a marathon run or a weight loss goal. It’s how we begin to perceive ourselves. It’s respecting yourself enough to WANT to eat nutritious foods, not just because you have to. I have to make people believe that they’re worth hitting their goal, otherwise it’s just going through the motions. And eventually, motion without emotion comes to an end.

3. Chain gyms don’t care about their freelance PT’s. Ok, let me explain this one. The floor managers of these gyms might, but if you think anyone sat in Pure Gym Towers cares about a PT then think again. And why should they? If you are a newbie freelance PT the sooner that you can get into your head that you are now a business person the better. You are a contractor on their premises. It’s tough at times. You pay them rent and they can still call the shots on your business. If you leave then they’ll just replace you. But the sooner you understand that the sooner that you will either a) learn to suck it up or b) find a niche at an independent gym, online or in your own premises.

4. I needed to stay relevant to people. Over the years and with a change of gym in a new town with a pandemic to deal with, I stagnated. So in the past couple of years I started doing different courses to become equipped with reinventing my PT work. Now, armed with new qualifications, knowledge, an online training app and new business ideas I have kept myself and my business fresh.

5. I have to stay grounded. If I believe that I am the oracle of fitness then I’ll look silly. I’m not. Nobody is. If I don’t know the answer to a question then I’ll be honest and do my research on finding the answer out. People respect that.

And the most important thing that I have learned is that respect goes a long way.

AMRAP

Have you ever heard of the training term ‘AMRAP’?

It is an acronym for the phrase ‘as many rounds as possible.’

Let me explain. AMRAP is a technique which enables the trainee to rep as many times in a set time frame. This could be typically done as a circuit, for example, and there are no rules to what equipment to use, how long or how many exercises.

This technique allows those who find themselves short on time to still manage a quick workout. Even 5 minutes can get the blood pumping and body weight is absolutely fine. In fact, the break for adverts during Coranation Street can see you rack up over 100 reps.

My point here is that I will never accept that you don’t have the time to exercise. Perhaps you didn’t know it or you just couldn’t be bothered and work, kids, cooking meals, feeling tired or clearing out the guinea pig hutch took all of your time up.

But AMRAP has news for you. You DO have time to train. Let’s use my example of Coranation Street as an example…

Coranation Street is an hour long. It has four ad breaks lasting 3 minutes. Imagine completing an AMRAP every break? So your task would be to work continuously for three minutes each time. In just one episode you have 12 intense minutes of exercise.

Coranation Street is on three times a week. That’s 36 minutes of time you didn’t know that you had to exercise. 36 minutes doesn’t seem like a lot but I observe people who are in the gym for one hour but only actually exercise for half of that time. If my estimation of a 100 reps each ad break is accurate, that’s almost a 1000 reps a week.

No amount of time is pointless as long as you do it right. There are many ways to complete an AMRAP. Squats during the kettle boiling, press ups during the Countdown clock or Burpees waiting for a bus. Whatever floats your boat!

Just make sure you float it somehow.

Self Acceptance

What does ‘self acceptance’ mean to you?

For me it is about realising that I’m not perfect, that I have flaws, I cannot please others or myself all of the time and whilst working to improve daily I can still find humour in my weaknesses.

I’m changing daily. So are you. If you can truly accept yourself today, maybe your tomorrow’s self will be happier.

Here are a few other examples of how people interpret self acceptance…

“When you stop living your life based on what others think of you real life begins. At that moment you will finally see the door of self acceptance open.” Author Shannon L. Alder

“You have been criticizing yourself for years, and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.” Author Louise L Hay

Or poet R.H Sin simply put “Make peace with your broken pieces.”

And Buddha said “You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”

I am currently studying the Socratic method of cognitive behaviour and one of the principles of this is Self Acceptance. It got me thinking. I’m supposed to be the one helping others, yet there are days when I’m so down on myself I feel like a fraud for even attempting to help anybody else. And then I got it. A bit of a lightbulb moment perhaps.

I’m not supposed to be perfect every day. Some days I will make mistakes, I’ll let myself down or I’ll give up on something. But if I have the ability to accept this as part of me, then I know how to fix it.

In my interpretation of Self Acceptance I said that finding humour in my weaknesses is a factor. Sometimes finding the humility to laugh at myself or to say sorry to somebody rather than excuse myself is a good place to start. Battling with ego and pride takes so much more energy than simply accepting a mistake or a blemish.

Take a moment yourself to think about all of the fantastic qualities that you have. You have flaws, yet the positive aspects of you and your life can outweigh the negatives if you allow them to. And in the meantime you can work on the bits that you don’t like too.

You just need to accept them.