Tag Archives: lifestyle

If Tomorrow, Women Woke Up…

It’s a strange relationship that I have with the fitness industry. I love it. I truly do. It has enabled me to follow my ambitions and dreams that I thought were beyond me or that had passed me by. I get to meet like-minded people which means I don’t need to bore my wife with news on my new bench press personal best. And the gym is my go to place for getting my head straight. Not many people get to say that about their workplace.

But it is also full of crap. For all the good it can do, there is an element of the industry that feeds off our insecurities.

Dr Gail Hines said,”If tomorrow, women woke up and decided that they really liked their bodies, just think of how many industries would go out of business.”

The fitness industry would be one of them. And in the past couple of decades I believe that the industry has begun to target the other half of the population too. Since the end of the degradation of women in magazines such as FHM and Zoo and newspapers putting a stop to page 3 in the UK, publishers had to target men in a different way. So now they put half naked pictures of male physique models in their magazines and tell them that is what they’re supposed to look like followed by an ad for creatine tablets.

But, despite it being important for the fitness industry to have men across the world feeling inadequate, it is far more lucrative for females to hate their bodies. Or to put it another way, it is more lucrative for the industry to tell women that they should hate their bodies.

For example, we join a weight loss group and go through the torturous weekly weigh ins whilst discussing our ‘syns’. Gym classes are attended mostly by women who are promised that they will burn fat, tone legs bum and tums and blast their abs. Personal Trainers are qualified in form and rep ranges but are way out of their depth when it comes to the emotional side of WHY a person has approached them for help in losing 2 stone in a month. (Some trainers are very good, by the way, but do your homework on them before you give them your money.)

The industry wouldn’t survive if we woke up tomorrow, looked in the mirror and said to ourselves “I am good enough. I am worthy.”

And that doesn’t mean that if we did this we couldn’t still train and eat nutritious food. But we would have a completely different outlook on how we approach our goals. We can always want to achieve a fitness goal that entails lower body weight or bigger muscles, but we would start to do it on our own terms.

The industry wants to confuse us.

When I go to the telly shop for a new telly, I immediately regret the whole process. It’s not that I don’t want a new telly, it’s because I am confronted by a salesperson who begins to fill the air with jargon. Yet, even though this is off putting, I do get excited about stuff that a TV can do that I never thought would float my boat. It draws me in. All of a sudden, things like OLED, QLED, 4k UHD, refresh rates, bezels, quantum dots, low latency and resolutions are the most important things in my life.

Before I know it, I’m leaving the shop with a screen as big as the one at The Odeon and if I can figure out the settings I’m sure it can make me a cuppa tea and give me a foot rub.

Now, I’m not saying that these fancy things aren’t useful on a TV, but I would question if I really needed something so glitzy as the TV that I bought. They are buzzwords. They make us want and need something that we think we don’t already have. It makes us feel inadequate if we leave the shop without a TV to go home to our own TV. Our own TV that might have a wobbly button and it’s a few years old but it still works perfectly fine.

The fitness industry sells us our fitness like a TV shop sells us our TV. They make it sexy and an absolute necessity for our lives. Their jargon and their buzzwords, their special offers and their ‘must have’ product means that we fall for their pitch.

I’ll get a new telly that does what I want it to do in my own time and with the advice of those that I trust. And if we say the same thing about our fitness goals, then we could all sit back and watch the industry do a bit of sweating of its own.

Walk Along The Way

We get bogged down by the details sometimes. We forget to actually do, because we’re wrapped up in the how.

A how is only important if you’re actively doing in the first place. And then you start finding how to do it.

The 13th century poet Rumi said, “As you start to walk along the way, the way appears.”

In other words don’t dither, just do.

By all means have a plan. Have a plan B. But the more you sit on the finer details, the more it is less likely to happen. So sometimes, as Rumi alludes to, it is only once you are on your path will the journey start to become clearer.

Perhaps I told people too early about our relocation to Portugal. It means that what I told people 4 months ago is completely different today. Yes, the way is Portugal, but the plan has changed daily. I’m sure anybody asking me about it is wishing that they hadn’t bothered!

From selling our house, budgets, liaising with UK and Portuguese solicitors and consulates, renting or buying in Portugal, where exactly in Portugal we will settle, the business plan, the kids schooling and when we will actually buy our one way ticket is still keeping this journey a mystery. But there’s one certainty and that is that it will happen. We know that because we are walking along the way.

The way has obstacles. It isn’t easy. But if anything is worth getting, then it has to be with full commitment, belief and a great deal of bloody stubbornness.

We’re learning along the way and we will make mistakes. But mistakes, and the unforeseen circumstances beyond our control, are what mold us into grittier and more determined people. We cannot get lost in our pain, because one day the pain will become the cure.

Think about something that you are passionate about doing. It doesn’t have to be anything at all like mine. This is your passion. Now visualize it. Live it for a few moments. What do you see? How does this passion that you have imagined as your reality make you feel? Can you see yourself smiling, laughing, dancing as a confident happy person?

Because that’s what following your passions should be like. Living your life how you want to live it should make you feel fulfilled. Don’t be afraid to find your happiness. You just need to start to walk along the way.

Extreme Dieting

We get so wrapped up in extremes these days and, perhaps in the age of the internet, it is more apparent than ever for us humans.

Everything we do and say is often interpreted as a hyperbolic representation of us as individuals. Others do it to us, but we are likely to do this to ourselves too as some sort of self fulfilled prophecy.

If you publicly laugh at an Alf Garnet joke you are judged to be a right wing fascist and if you welcome black mermaids in a new kids Disney  movie then you are labelled a woke looney lefty.

I do both. I confuse the extremists.

But something very dangerous is happening to our culture that I, as a personal trainer, feel should be addressed regarding what we eat. Diets are becoming more and more extreme by the week.

I decided fairly quickly in my life as a PT to avoid creating meal plans for my clients. Even if they specifically asked for them, if they were not an elite athlete that had to continuously hit certain weights (boxers, jockeys) and macros then it was not necessary. The average gym goer will not benefit from such an extreme method. And if a fitness professional demands that you follow a meal plan then I would suggest that they are trying to upsell their product.

Apps such as calorie and macro counters are usually a good place to begin a weight loss or muscle hypertrophy journey. Even then, they are only necessary for a few weeks until you can discover what each meal can provide in terms of nutrition.

But the problem with meal planners is that they are…

A. Designed by someone else.

B. Do not account for your different moods or hunger throughout the day and

C. Can cause you to feel demoralised when you cannot follow it.

My life, for example, is not so well structured that I am able to prep and eat a certain meal at a certain time of day every day. Will I always have those ingredients in the kitchen? Will an emergency at work or home derail my timing? With food costs going up, will I be able to afford these meals? Is my PT telling me to buy, prep and eat all of this while he plans my life in his bedroom and his mum makes him his tea?!

(The last one actually happens, trust me.)

And what if I miss a meal or find an alternative food? Does this waste all of my previous efforts? Should I just give it up as a bad job? Maybe I’m just not ready to lose weight/become healthier/ build muscle.

No!

It means that I’m human. I’m not programmed to eat half a chicken breast, one handful of broccoli and one cup of rice at 12:30 just because it is written on a piece of paper on my fridge door.

Yesterday, I had the following breakfast…

Two white buns, buttered. Inside each of them I put one slice of bacon, one hash brown, one fried egg, mushrooms, one slice of black pudding and baked beans. Here’s the evidence…

I enjoyed every guilt free moment of it because I have no restrictions on my diet. But I can only have this ‘no food ban’ in place if I keep to some sensible rules…

* I make sure that I eat fruit and veg throughout the day.

* I don’t eat extra high calorie meals every day.

* I try to vary my meals regularly so that I do not fall into a rut resulting in boredom or habit forming.

* I acknowledge the calories and macros of each meal, but even more importantly, I recognise how each meal makes me feel. For example, do I feel sluggish? Am I drinking extra water due to excess salt consumption? Do I feel satisfied? Will this meal sustain me in whatever activity I have planned to do next?

My breakfast from yesterday isn’t a bad meal. It becomes a poor choice, however, if I were to have it today and tomorrow and the day after and so on. So I won’t.

Instead, my breakfast this morning looks like this…

This drink consists of one apple, a banana, a pear and plenty of spinach topped up with water. This is my usual start to the day, but yesterday I just fancied a change.

Both breakfasts made me happy.

Extreme dieting methods can be damaging to your relationship with food and ultimately your health. So let’s look at a few steps to a sensible approach…

* If you find yourself craving a certain food and have started to eat this for the past few days then this can create a habit that is unwelcome. Even a fruit and veg smoothie using the same ingredients every day can be detrimental. Try new and different fruit and veg for example. This will ensure that you remain interested in making a fruit smoothie each day if that is your goal. And as much as I loved my full English breakfast in a bun, the calories and trans fats are not something that I can put into my body each day. Keep it to the odd occasion.

* If you are going out for the evening and you know that there will be lovely food and drink on offer, then approach this occasion sensibly. You want to have a good time without calorie counting every single drop! For a day or two, cut back on calorie dense foods. For example, stay away from a full English in a bun or a takeaway in the lead up to a night out. Also, I find a good workout on the day of a big night out helps me stay focussed. It doesn’t ruin my enjoyment, but If I feel the effects of a workout it enables me to keep my goals in the back of my mind even if I’m ordering the gin and tonics.

* Appreciate ALL food types. And you can do this whilst acknowledging that high nutritious food is excellent fuel for your body and your mind. Don’t be down on yourself if you’ve been fuelling your body with great nutrition but suddenly find yourself chowing down on a full English breakfast butty. Eat it and move on.

* Stay away from extreme diet sites and companies that want your money while you question yourself and feel inadequate. And don’t take too much notice of Dave from admin who lost 2 stone by following the new fad Facebook diet. You will lose weight on any diet that puts you in a calorie deficit. But you’ll only keep it off if it doesn’t require extreme measures such as very low daily calories, counting your ‘syns’ or taking pills. Your approach right from the off has to be sustainable for your lifestyle.

* Buy high nutritional food and bring it into your home. Cupboards and fridges should be stocked with 80% of the high nutritious foods and 20% of the rest of your favourite foods. Once it is in your home, you can start making some of your favourite healthy dishes and freezing them. Sauces are easily made in large quantities and frozen in those tubs that you get from the takeaway!

So, before I get asked about this, I’ll comment on it now. Are syn’s from Slimming World really all that extreme?!

Well, this is a method which…

1. Calls higher calorie foods a syn. Ok, it means synergy to SW, but does the term syn trigger something to you which means it is bad for you? I’m afraid it’s poor taste in light of the mental health problems we have as a society regarding the way we look. And

2. Bananas are a ‘free’ food unless it is mashed. Then it becomes a syn. Three points on that…

a) A banana has never ever been a reason for a person’s weight gain. Mashed or unmashed.

b) If we demonize the poor mashed banana then what of the full English butty?! What chance do we have with our physical and mental health or weight control if we see mashed up banana as a reason why we are failing?

c) banana gets mashed when you put it in your mouth. Sooooo…..

Whether it is the PT writing out your next week’s meal plan, the media with their hyperbolic headlines or the big companies with very clever marketing campaigns, you can be sure that they are all capable of taking us to the extreme when it comes to the food that we eat.

I hope, with a little common sense and a step back from the nonsense, we can all start making some delicious choices from now on.

Training Frequency And Doing It Correctly

A question I am often asked in the gym is how often do I train. I answered that I currently train 3 to 4 days a week and the lady was shocked that it wasn’t more.

My current lifestyle does not enable me to train myself in the gym as much as it used to. I have taken on a couple of different projects that have taken my time away from the gym, therefore when I do get the time it has to be time well spent.

Fortunately, even for busy lifestyles, training programmes can be created to fit into tight schedules. You just need to identify your goals and know what to do to achieve more ‘bang for your buck’. And unless it has been a seasoned athlete or bodybuilder in the gym I have never seen anybody execute this time management correctly without a good PT who will offer either 1-1 or programming.

It is often said that as long as you are moving in the gym you are doing something positive. Well, I have to disagree. I find it a cop out and a disservice to ourselves to have this attitude. Not only are we not going to achieve the best results in the best time, it can result in injury and a lack of motivation.

Moving is great. Going for walks and staying as active as possible doing sports you enjoy is very important. But once you are in the gym with a specific goal, it is a different game altogether.

In the last couple of years I’ve personally seen a big difference in the sort of person that now requires personal training. And this issue relates to a shift in lifestyle brought on by our time in lockdown. With gyms closing, we had to be inventive with how we exercised. During this time, many people felt that they either no longer needed a gym or that they didn’t need any help once they were in the gym. In fact, due to social distancing, the gym I train at cancelled inductions for new members and they aren’t mandatory anymore to this day.

During lockdown, we became self proclaimed professional bread makers, scientists, content creators, politicians and personal trainers.

I’m seeing the fall out of that in the gym now. Most people that approach me are asking how to fix injuries. Here are the most common examples…

Running became very popular over lockdown. But the correct footwear is vital if you are to run frequently. It can also create muscular imbalances and an overuse of certain muscle groups. Joints are also under pressure from the repetitive impact with the ground. Relying too heavily on running as your choice of exercise without the right precautions can also cause oxidative stress on the body, which will have a negative effect on your goals.

Home workouts became a staple for those wanting to continue their hypertrophy goals. Kettlebells and dumbbells are relatively cheap to buy at shops like Lidl and Aldi, who often stock them in their middle isles. But they don’t come with instructions. I have always been an advocate of the home workout, but it still has to be done correctly to get results and avoid injury. Lifting the wrong weights with the wrong equipment can easily do this. And a bench is useful. Sitting on the edge of your sofa to perform an overhead dumbbell press offers no protection to your spine. If repeated often enough, back pain will occur eventually. And deadlifts, bent over rows, kettlebell swing and squats are common exercises to get wrong and cause injury. Not a day goes by in the gym where I don’t wince at a deadlift technique. If this is gym technique, what are their home workouts looking like?

Personally, even if I’d looked up how to fix my car on YouTube and I gave it a go, if I were knackering up my car I would see a good mechanic. I need to get to work and get to social events. I can’t afford to go too long with my car being out of action. I have to swallow my pride and see a professional.

Now change the above statement from car to body and replace mechanic with personal trainer. You get the idea.

Joining a gym or embarking on any fitness goal doesn’t have to be 7 days a week, intense, gruelling or time consuming. But you do need to know how to use the time that you do have productively and safely.

Nike was almost right with their ‘Just Do It’ tag line. Mine is ‘Just Do It, But Do It Correctly.’

Komorebi

The next time you get a moment (and you should make sure that you do) just close your eyes and visualise yourself in an environment that you consider the most calming, tranquil place in the universe.

It could be standing by the sea or on a mountain top. You could imagine yourself sitting on a cloud or even a star. You could be in a safe place with a loved one. Anywhere at all.

And then breathe these images from your mind deeply into your lungs. Let them fill your body right down to your toes.

This is a form of meditation. So many people tell me that they can’t meditate or don’t know how to. Perhaps for some they might feel a bit silly. They think of sitting cross legged, humming, chanting and emptying your mind or turning off your senses. And yet it doesn’t have to be that at all. It’s just about taking a moment.

My favourite images when I close my eyes are of the sun’s rays shining through the branches of a tree. The rays gently dance around as the dappled light warms my thoughts.

The scientific term for this light is called Crepuscular rays and the Japanese call it Komorebi, which is made up of the Kanji characters for tree, shine through and sun.

I like the Japanese description, but many great poets have attempted to describe this beautiful pure and spontaneous natural pleasure. Gerard Manley Hopkins called it Shivelight and wrote about…”the lances of sunlight that pierce the canopy of a wood.”

CS Lewis wrote…”Any patch of sunlight in a wood will show you something about the sun which you could never get from reading books on astronomy.”

I agree.

And as wonderful as it is to see this in real life, it also exists in my head. Just by closing my eyes and taking a step back from the 100 miles an hour daily life, I can be anywhere and see anything that I like.

Now take a moment. Close your eyes. Breath. And discover what you can find.

The First Law Of Thermodynamics

I didn’t expect to be talking to my 9 year old son about the first law of thermodynamics on a Friday night as I was driving him home from his football practice. My prior thoughts were to get him into his pajamas, tuck him into bed and pour myself a beer while I binge watch Search Party. But he asked about dying, so…

Apparently, he has been struggling to get to sleep over the past few nights worrying about dying. Him dying, his brother dying, me and his mum dying. He was asking about the people in his life who have died. The car fell silent for a moment as I gathered my thoughts for some sort of an answer. An explanation about what he should know and how it could ease his worried little head.

‘The first law of thermodynamics!’ I blurted out as I drove through the dark Scarborough streets.

I went in to explain that, although I don’t believe in an afterlife or a heaven as such, I do believe that our energy continues after we die. I quoted the physicist Aaron Freeman to my son, who stated…

“You want a physicist to speak at your funeral. They can explain to your family that no energy is created and none is destroyed. They can tell your mother that all your energy, every vibration, every Btu of heat, every wave of every particle that was her beloved child remains with her in this world. The energy that flows through our bodies does not disappear, but is simply rearranged.”

Ok, I can’t tell my son that loved ones who die become the little bird that sits on our garden fence each morning, but I can tell him that their energy is as strong as when they was alive. In the first law of thermodynamics, energy does not go anywhere, even if a physical form does.

And this is why our energy is so powerful, right? I mean, the energy, the vibes that we put out into the universe, whether positive or negative, will remain long after our physical self is gone. That’s why a smile, a good deed, a positive affirmation or an act of kindness to yourself or others works so powerfully. This energy can change lives, even when our physical form is not around.

‘We only live once’ is a saying that we’ve all heard a million times before. Well, the body that you are in will only live once and it is important to treat that body with the love and respect that it deserves. I make many decisions based on this. I want to take my physical self to new experiences and push it to new levels whether in the gym or in learning new things. The body and the mind need to be exposed to exciting new challenges.

My energy won’t grow or multiply by achieving different things in this physical form. The first law of thermodynamics tells me that. But I might just be able to leave behind some positive energy. Forever.

Winning?

“I like to think that money wouldn’t change me, but when I’m winning at Monopoly I’m a terrible person.” Anon.

So tonight I beat the family at Monopoly. It’s my second win in a row actually. Last week was the Scarborough edition and tonight was the Yorkshire edition. They stood no chance once I built my hotels around Castle Howard.

I find the game a good learning experience for the kids. They follow rules, take turns, count and subtract, have fun as a family without technology. Hmm. They won too. They just don’t know it yet.

Of course they want to be the one who is the richest by the end of the game. According to the rules that’s how you win, right? But they took part. Isn’t that what counts?

Ok. I’m not comfortable with the ‘It’s the taking part that counts’ angle in this article. You would call bullshit on it and rightly so. We all want to feel that winning feeling sometimes. So I won’t patronise anybody. But I do have another angle and it is from my experiences of coaching adults, and more recently children, in what is actually important when it comes to winning and losing.

Each day I work with children who have one hour in their school time to play in the playground. That is my hour to give them all an opportunity of winning. And I’m not just talking about the one kid who can bat the ball for home runs on each turn.

In a world where some voices are heard more than others, for some of us, just getting a turn is a small victory. It’s a sign that they’ve been heard and seen and where they’ll be given a chance just as much as the kid who stands in front of me, arm aloft, shouting for their turn.

The small wins make big prizes. Just making contact with the ball is a big achievement to some kids. It’s not just the home runs that should make them feel proud of themselves. And so reminding somebody that they have accomplished something that they didn’t manage to do yesterday is a win. Just like making contact with the ball.

And a coach’s attitude can be infectious. Over a period of time, I’ve noticed that the older children or the more gregarious of the group have started to bowl the ball at a slower pace for the batters who are less confident. Now, they are encouraging each other much more. Now, there is a feeling that we are ALL winning at something during the one hour sports session.

And it is no different for adults. We don’t walk into a gym for the first time and leave after an hour looking like Dwayne Johnson or Beth Mead. But with the right sort of encouragement from coaches and other gym members then we can all recognize the small victories. The win is about trying to achieve a little bit more each time you go.

A win can be passing Go or receiving a get out of jail free card. A win can be going without cheese for the day (my personal goal) or completing 50 squats while the kettle boils. A win can be contacting the PT and putting an exercise schedule in place or a win can just be managing to sit on the toilet for 10 minutes without your kids barging in complaining that their brother has kicked them (another goal of mine!)

Winning is easy. Recognizing when it happens can be a bit tougher. But reflecting on your day and looking at the small victories is a good way to start, even if you’ve had to pay out 200 monopoly notes on a stay in Headingley.

Screen Time

Not for the first time my wife and I had to tell our boys to put down their screens and get dressed for school. It starts with a gentle reminder that they need to get ready or else we’ll be late, but it often ends with one of us putting on our annoyed voice and demanding that they do as we ask immediately.

The screens are hypnotic to them. And yet when I check to see what it is they’re doing on their phone, iPad or chrome book it is usually school work related. This becomes a dilemma for the parent who would like their child to have less screen time. It seems that kids are given their own log in details at school so that they can access story books and maths games online. I used to get a printed worksheet and a homework book from my teacher. We were allowed to put our own covering over our books. I went for an embossed floral design that was leftover from my parents sitting room. Cutting edge at the time. Times have changed.

But it is difficult to demand something from your child when they see adults doing the same. How can I tell them to come off of their devices when they see me tapping away at my phone. Ok, it is 90% productive tapping either designing a workout schedule for a client, booking somebody in for a session or, in my free time, learning a language. But they would argue that their time on the screen is equally important if a certain amount of maths puzzles need to be completed by a deadline date.

Had that maths puzzle been done using pen and paper, would I be more lenient on them finishing the job before getting dressed for school? Sure, they needed to get ready or they would be late, but would I have sat with Jonas to try and work out the answers together had I been looking at it on a piece of A4 hoping to move the process along?

Yet I know that not every moment of their screen time is doing school work. Far from it. Add in YouTube and football games and it becomes a full time job. So much so that doing things like getting dressed has to wait! And I do understand.

Despite my current 90% of my own screen time being work related, it hasn’t always been like that. Just a few months ago I would be debating Darwin Nunez’s success rate for Liverpool FC or asking why Ariel’s skin colour in the new Little Mermaid movie was a problem to a total stranger on Facebook. I would spend time winding myself up engaging in discussions with people I probably wouldn’t really want to know in real life. The productivity on my screen suffered, my time suffered and probably my mental health suffered too. Releasing myself away from trolls was a positive move.

But I fear that my kids have got it all to come. There are enough negative people in the real world without entertaining bullies online.

I had to make a change. And although I acknowledge that screens are a part of our everyday life now, and perhaps a little resigned to the fact, it can actually be used for good. I try to contribute positively to people’s lives through online PT. I put more effort into learning a new language and, of course, I write this to you today from my phone. This little gadget can be useful.

But no matter what we can gain from looking at our screens, we still have to do the fundamentals correctly. We still need to take care of ourselves, eat properly and, yes, even get dressed for school.

If we don’t, Mrs Barber won’t be very pleased (and that’s what I’ll keep telling my boys).

Advice From The Mole

It seems that it doesn’t really matter who you are, you will, at some stage in your life, compare yourself and your abilities to someone else. This leads to us wanting what somebody else has.

It is totally natural and since our primate and then homo sapien descendants demonstrated, this need can evolve into producing more, working harder, becoming more creative and developing speech and the world around them.

So here we are.

This need, it could be argued, also leads to greed, destruction, war and division.

And as society needs to deal with this obsessive nature of ‘keeping up with the Joneses’ we as individuals need to take a long hard look at how we deal with this process.

Even now, I will walk into the gym and want to run as far as her. I want his hair style. I want the six pack and the teeth and shoulders and their ability to tell a joke and make people laugh. I want the tattooed sleeve.

I will watch in admiration as they push a 150k bar, but I might end my thought with ‘I wish I could lift that much weight’. I truly admire other people’s abilities and, as part of my job as a PT, I help in people reaching such great abilities. But as human nature as it, sometimes I want it too.

But whilst the evolution from primate to homo took billions of years, we want it now, today.

A book that was brought to my attention recently called The Boy, The Mole, The Fox And The Horse said,’What do you think is the biggest waste of time’, asked the boy. ‘Comparing yourself to others.’ Replied the mole.

Patiently watching and learning from others can be a wonderful attribute to have. But comparing yourself to others can be damaging and, as the mole quite rightly puts it… it’s a waste of time.

The difference between learning and comparing is massive. It’s the difference between peace and war. For you personally, it’s the difference between self love and self loathing.

So take a look in the mirror at yourself. The beautiful, intelligent you. And keep being you. Nobody else.