‘Oh shit.’ I muttered as a van slowly slid down the hill towards my car with me and the boys inside.
I would usually wince at my curses if I were in the vicinity of the kids and tell myself off for using such language. Tonight, however, it’s a wonder it wasn’t something stronger.
Within a split second, which seemed to happen in slow motion, the van uncontrollably came closer to the car. It would do a considerable amount of damage to the car if it hit it, but I was confident that me and the boys would be safe. My wife, though, was the one pushing our car up the hill! Any sort of collision, considering the cars revving hard up the hill and the sliding cars coming down it, could have been very serious to anybody on foot.
Luckily, and what seemed to be just a couple of inches away, the van managed to stop as I continued to rev my car up the hill as my wife, now with a couple of helpers, got my car onto a flatter surface.
The journey back from taking our boys for their swimming lessons had turned into quite an adventure. A journey that should take 10 minutes took an hour and a half.
That evening, along with my long list of Google questions such as ‘Schools in Santarem’ and ‘Houses for sale in Santarem’, ‘Does it snow in Santarem?’ entered the search history.
Next year will be the year that I move with my family to Portugal. The weather isn’t the biggest motivation, but last night it did nudge up a few places on the priority list.
I used to like it when it snowed. I have lovely memories of snowball fights and building snowmen as a kid. But as a grown up, I only like it on a greetings card. Snow means a loss of earnings and near misses with vans.
It also means I don’t get to the gym to train myself as much. Of course, the snow doesn’t play a huge part in this. It might cause a day or two of disruption but I have a long list of work and house chores that need doing and, generally, the lead up to the Christmas week represents a rest period to my regular training schedule. And although January would usually be the green light to get stuck into my schedule again, a week away in Portugal in the first week of the new year will give me extra time to enjoy my ‘bulking’ period.
After all, who can go to Portugal and not try a pastel de nata or two?
As a senior in my previous career I had to interview people for new job roles. It was an uncomfortable role. I knew what it was like to sit down in an interview room with three strangers judging the way I dressed, introduced myself and answered their questions.
On one occasion a guy walked in for his interview. Quite a confident chap, or so he portrayed, and a little different from the other interviewees. One of my questions was…
“Where do you see yourself in five years time?”
With hardly any hesitation, he looked straight at me and said…
“Where you’re sitting.”
I tried to keep my poker face, interviewer style persona about me but I just loved his answer. I grabbed my pen and put a big 10/10 on my question sheet.
I left the company a couple of years later and, in keeping in touch with old friends at the workplace, found that he had indeed started to sit in my chair doing my old job.
I used to hate that question. It isn’t down to a lack of ambition, but I couldn’t honestly tell any prospective employer that I would not only be still at the company in five years time but I’d be a senior within it.
And yet I understand entirely the need for planning. I plan fitness plans 2 or 3 years ahead in some cases. Olympians need to plan four years in advance to achieve a weight target, a strength goal and an incredible amount of ability in their field for them to compete. My own fitness plan is an annual plan.
And although life throws hurdles that I need to jump, my fitness plan stays on track. But I’m qualified to deal with that. I’m experienced in knowing where the pit falls will be and how to overcome it. As a Personal Trainer, it is simply a part of my job. I see the pit falls before my clients do. That’s how I can prepare them for their fitness goals.
However, there’s no text book or a University of Parenting. There isn’t a rule in how to be self employed during and after Covid lockdowns or a cost of living crisis and there’s no secret formula to a happy marriage. We have to, somehow, stumble through life doing the best we can. Often, we have to wing it.
My wife and I had a five year plan of moving to France. This was about 6 years ago. This was being planned quite well until March 2020 when the UK went into lockdown. As two self employed workers who were not classed as ‘key workers’ we had to stay indoors with our two boys. Slowly, our France fund and all of our savings disappeared.
My time structuring hypertrophy programmes, weight loss plans and sport specific macrocycles counted for nothing when we were faced with a life changing event that could not be stopped. This sort of event was not planned.
And so here we are coming to the end of 2022. We have dusted ourselves off and began to think about our future again. But a five year plan? Oh no. Not this time. This time, we’re looking to see what we can achieve next year. We can’t wait for another financial crash, a pandemic or another dodgy mini budget from a chancellor. We need to act quickly.
Our plan has become so pragmatic that it is something that is unknown to my wife and I. We have moved around the North of England quite a bit in our 15 years together so a house move doesn’t bother us. But this time we leave the country. In 2023, we move to Portugal.
The kids are pretty cool with the idea. I’m sure they’re a little miffed that they’ve just learnt the basics in French and now I’m trying to speak Portuguese to them. I’m doing quite well on Duolingo. I can now say “The armadillo reads the newspaper” in fluent Portuguese.
Our skills can be transferred and our immediate plan is to create wellness vacations for tourists and spa days for visitors and locals alike. If nothing else, it will be a challenge that we haven’t yet done. It’ll be an adventure. Only time will tell on the level of success we have.
Do you ever get the feeling that you keep promising yourself something and it never happens? Our five year plan could have easily turned into another five year plan, and another, and another. But I don’t want to grow old with a bunch of “What ifs”.
Sure, life can upset the norm sometimes but if things go wrong I want it to be on my terms. I want to own my mistakes if, indeed, there are any. And whether I do this in parenting, my health and fitness, our marriage, our business ventures and where we live then I want it to be my journey. One that I take charge of with my family.
And if I wait another five years I am giving the Universe a chance to throw me another curve ball or I might even Invent a problem myself that isn’t actually there!
As my wife and I were walking down our street this week the first sightings of Christmas decorations were spotted.
“Them at number 23 have gone early,” we seemed to simultaneously comment.
Every year we look for the early birds “going early” and every year we judge whether it’s a touch too early or not.
We’ve said the same thing for years…
“They get earlier every year, they do.”
“Channel 5 have gone early with their Christmas films this year.”
“Zoe Ball has gone early with playing Mariah Carey on the radio.”
We seem to have an issue with people going too early with their Christmas celebrations. Indeed, no sooner have the Pennywise masks left the supermarket shelves and the After Eights are stocked up. I do cringe at the thought of consumerism that is involved which in turn makes us all go too early.
However, I don’t blame anyone for wanting to bring forward the festive cheers. The last few years have been tough and, just this year alone in the UK, we’ve had political unrest with a few different Prime Ministers, a cost of living crisis, the Queen’s passing with a few weeks of mourning and Neighbors getting cancelled. It’s been a strange year.
So when I woke up listening to a Michael Bublé Christmas classic this morning I did feel a little cheer and a festive spirit lift me. It was about 6:45 and Finlay, my youngest, had asked Alexa for Christmas songs. I wouldn’t have chosen to be awake so early on a Saturday with no school or work to get up for and Finlay hasn’t yet mastered how to ask Alexa to turn the volume down. But if I’m to get woken up by anything, it could’ve been a lot worse than Bublé.
And I can just imagine what the neighbors will have been saying…
My wife and I had the perfect chance for a weekend without the kids. It is my birthday on Monday and their grandparents had offered to take the boys to their house so that we could celebrate my birthday with a meal out or an evening at the cinema.
It’s rare to have an opportunity for a ‘date night’ or to have any significant time together so it was very tempting. But I didn’t want it to happen this weekend. I wanted my wife and two boys with me.
It’s perhaps a cliché thing to say, but when my wife asked me what I wanted for my birthday I said ‘my family with me’. At 44, other than a new pack of undies or socks, my desire to unwrap expensive things or something new and exciting has gone. Undies are exciting. Yes. I have reached an age where a new pair of undies without any holes thrills me. And I’m happy with that.
As a kid I would open up a birthday card and a tenner would fall out. After pretending to not notice the money and instead read the verse of the card I would thank the person and then look in shock as I eventually found the ten pound note which had dropped into my lap. It was an awkward moment. I was always very grateful for people’s generosity at birthday and Christmas time and I still am, but sometimes the bestest gift you can receive is the closeness and love of your family. You can’t buy it.
Seeing as my birthday landed on a school and work day this year, we decided to have a ‘birthday weekend’. We like to extend our celebrations. For example, Eurovision is watched from the semi finals throughout the week with flags on the walls, not just on Saturday’s finale. And daytime Christmas films on Channel 5 are starting to get recorded already for us to binge on a November Sunday.
Our boys love a celebration. It usually involves cake and pizza so why not?! And for Lou and I it involves wine, so we love a celebration too! But it wouldn’t have felt right to send them to their grandparents this weekend. We played Monopoly, went for a coastal walk to the local pub for a few games of pool and managed two movies with copious amounts of food. And I was allowed to open a present before the big day too! Seeing as I complain about being cold so much, the boys had decided that a fluffy house coat is what I needed. Once they were all partied out, they went to bed and I could pop open a bottle of fizz. The coat stayed on.
As I write this I’m feeling a bit knackered myself and my birthday hasn’t even arrived yet. So I don’t think there’s going to be much celebrating tomorrow. Maybe whilst they’re at school, I could have an old man nap to find my energy for the week ahead! It is my birthday after all.
Our two boys, aged 6 and 8, like so many other children will have been affected in some way or another by the impact of the past few years.
As much as we try to limit what the news channels and breaking news stories tell us in front of our children, they catch on very quickly to what is going on around them in their world.
Children should know what’s happening, of course, but perhaps it is best for my wife and I to discuss events with them rather than the more detailed accounts of the headline news.
Our eldest, Jonas, particularly gets anxious about world events. We have found, just like for many adults, that meditation works for him. For the past week he has specifically asked for a meditation before going to sleep.
Here’s an example of a ten minute meditation for children…
Get comfortable, settle and relax your mind. When you are ready you can close your eyes.
Pause
Now notice your breathing. Breathe in deeply….and slowly release your breath. Again, breathe in deeply…and release. Notice your tummy rise as you breathe in and your tummy go down as you exhale.
Pause
Now imagine your most favourite place. This could be somewhere that you know well, or somewhere that you have visited, or it could be somewhere that you haven’t yet been to. This is your special place. It keeps you warm, relaxed, happy and at peace. Take a moment to see, smell and listen to your surroundings. Think about all that is around you.
Pause
Now you see a comforting bright light shining from above. You walk towards it knowing it’s positivity that it brings. You step into the light. The strength, calmness, joy and peace shine into your body and into your heart. Everything that the light has to offer is now a part of you. Notice how good this feels asthe light continues to share its love.
Pause
Soon you will have to leave this special place, but you are comforted in knowing that you take its special powers with you. You will keep this all through the night and into tomorrow. You are safe.
Pause
Now I will count down from 5 to 1 and you will be ready to have a very peaceful sleep.
I’ve got piles, they’re multiplying and I’m losing control.
Piles of drawings done by the kids, bills, receipts, instruction leaflets, takeaway menus and just about anything that can recreate some odd paper game of Jenga seem to appear around the house every now and again. As I went round the house doing a tidy up this morning I noticed these piles laughing at me.
“Whatcha gonna do about it?!” They mocked. I had no answer. Each item in the pile needs some sort of attention and probably when I get a moment to actually sit down to sort through them, I will find that most of it is fit for the bin or recycling. But the six week school holidays have just hit. Sorting through this needs time and organisation. It needs me to actually set aside some time and put these things in their proper place, if at all they have or deserve one.
We have a bill drawer. Drawings from the boys either get put in their personal keep sake files or culled after a while. Takeaway menus usually get thrown away, not because I don’t order from them, but I already have my favourite. Nobody does chilli sauce like Kammy. Best Kebab on Low Street can do one. Receipts? How long do I need to keep a receipt from Aldi for a pack of 3 mixed peppers and a green top milk?!! Why is it in my life?!!!
Of course, these piles are often a reflection of where my head is at. A jumble. And when I start to delve further through the clutter it poses more questions than answers and I haven’t got a moment to deal with it properly just yet. I try. But within a couple of minutes I hear a squabble start about whether Mr Bean or Paddington should go on the TV. So the pile gets left a little longer. But, sometimes, it only takes that next bit of paper to make the whole thing topple over. It needs to be dealt with before it does.
But I’ll tackle this in my usual way. I’ll sort each bit out methodically. First of all will be my kids drawings. That isn’t a chore at all. In fact it’ll make me smile. Half of them will get put on the fridge door. So I’d better shape up, cos I need a plan. And their art is put on view….
So, what have you got planned this week? What steps have you put in place to make sure you get stuff done?
I’m not the type that expects us to be on the go all the time and we MUST be always busy with something. I enjoy down time with a series on Netflix or watching about five episodes of Come Dine With Me in one night (I know, we’re odd). But to comfortably manage the down time, it’s good to have a plan of action for the stuff that needs to get done first.
It is Sunday evening. To be honest it’s got to that time of day where I’ll be happy to get the kids to bed and lay on the sofa in my under crackers watching people slate each other’s dinner parties. But before I do, I just need to give a little thought to my week ahead. Planning a packed lunch for tomorrow will only take ten minutes. Sorting my gym bag out, 5 minutes. I don’t book onto gym classes but if I did I’d do it right now before it gets filled up. I know the days and roughly the times I will train. My diary is sorted for my appointments and I’ve discussed what the family activity will be on Wednesday when we all have the day together.
I’m not the best organised person. I’m quite laid back with my approach to planning. But I know that I need to give myself a kick up the arse sometimes so that, come tomorrow, I’m not left rushing about because I didn’t bother to give any consideration to the days ahead.
Just having an idea of my week ahead can ease my cluttered brain. Things happen. Curve balls are thrown and as Robert Burns once said, “even the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry”. But it is much more difficult to stumble through an unplanned day than it is to fix or rearrange ones that didn’t work out.
Anyway, I’m not getting any planning done, Come Dine With Me watching or under cracker wearing right now so I’d best be off to do a bit. I’m overseeing over a hundred kids at a summer multi sports camp tomorrow so I’ll quickly make my sarnies and get some rest before the proverbial hits!!
Me trying to decide on my Take That undies or my Batman briefs for slobbing on the sofa to watch tele.
The 6 week school holidays is a time that Lou and I have come to enjoy rather than endure. Eventually, now the boys are 8 and 6, we seem to have found a balance to our family time and business commitments. But it won’t be without a bit of stress from time to time. After all, Lou and I still need to work and find those special moments with the boys. I enjoy my work. The gym is my happy place whether I’m training myself or someone else. But creating family memories is extremely important to me.
It’s time to spin those plates and this is how I intend on not smashing any of them…
* I still need to train. That is a non-negotiable that I have talked about in a previous blog. There’s an aspect of attempting to look my 43 year old best. I make no apologies in saying that I enjoy the aesthetic rewards of training. But more importantly it keeps me sane. Training is MY time. Lou knows that this is the case and I’m grateful that she understands. Of course, she will book Yoga classes or find her time too.
* My very first blog was called ‘Shouty Dad Has Gone’. Perhaps other parents know what I mean when I say that, sometimes, our little darlings can only push us so far. We lose it. We see red. Well, I still do at times. I love my boys, but wow, they can have me rocking in a corner some days. Anyway, I no longer feel the need to act like Arnold Schwarzenegger in Kindergarten Kop. I remain calm. Count to 10. Meditate. Cry. Whatever, I remain calm.
* I make sure that I have a support network. Ok, Lou and I haven’t got hundreds of friends inviting us for evenings out or for tea and cake afternoons all too often. But we have each other and we have a few friends who are mostly made up of parents who need to offload occasionally too. A rant to someone other than your immediate family is good for the soul!
* We have made plans. When we do have days off together we don’t want it to get to midday before we actually decide on what we’re going to do. So as well as a week away in a holiday cottage we have planned a few day trips to keep the boys away from the X-box.
* I’ll stay in control of my diet. Just because the kids want turkey dinosaurs and ice cream doesn’t mean I have to. A dramatic change to my eating habits will change my mood. I’ll feel lethargic and less motivated. My above points will also change for the worse if I let this happen. If I allow my nutrition to suffer, other aspects of my life will too.
These are just a few pointers to myself that I aim to stick with to ensure a successful and fun school summer holiday. Maybe you might find some things that are useful to you or you might want to think of your own ideas.
Like with most kids (and many adults) they can be fussy around certain foods. Textures, tastes and smells can put a kid right off. If only a banana looked like a chicken dipper!
My youngest has started to check his food to the extend of him looking at a slice of melon like Gil Grissom analysing a crime scene.
Finlay examines the black bits on the watermelon
And I must admit, there are foods that I wouldn’t be too fond of eating if they were put on a plate for me. Medjool dates are a prime example. But if I prepare them with lots of other fruit and vegetables into a smoothie then I can enjoy them.
I have found this with my kids, especially if they prepare their own smoothies and experiment with different ingredients then there is a much greater chance of them getting the nutrients and vitamins that they need without the fuss.
This morning they prepared a banana, strawberry, orange juice and spinach smoothie. They hate bananas and spinach and my youngest doesn’t like strawberries, but they enjoyed the process of creating their own smoothie and were pleased with what they had come up with. They felt empowered.
I have a smoothie at least once a day. A zesty citrus ensemble on a morning and usually a banana, milk and protein powder later in the afternoon. I find that smoothies can…
* Stops the hunger pangs and feeling snacky.
*Wake me up on a morning.
* Fit into my calorie and macro goals and I am getting the fibre into my body that I wouldn’t get if I were eating a meal.
Although I would never consider them a meal replacement, I do put ingredients into a smoothie that I would not make into a meal. I know that I wouldn’t eat the recommended daily fruit and veg that I need if I had to prepare it as part of a meal. I enjoy cooking, but sometimes life doesn’t allow us the time to spend on making the perfect balanced meal. This is why the convenience of a smoothie maker works for me and my family.
One of my biggest concerns is for my kids to be getting good nutritious food into them each day. It’s a constant battle. And when I know what they have as school dinners the need to feed them proper food at home is even more important. I’m not looking for clean eating and banning foods for me or my kids, but a balanced approach is a sensible one. And so far it’s working!
Yesterday my wife Louise and I celebrated 13 years of marriage. We’ve been together now for almost 16 years and we are still making a strong team.
As with any healthy relationship, we have had testing times too. But we work hard at keeping what we have because it is special. I think it comes down to communication. We try not to let things fester and address our issues by talking to each other as soon as we can. We support each other. Sometimes I’m the stronger one and sometimes it’s Lou.
I knew that I couldn’t continue my Support Worker career and be the father that I wanted to be. Lou made me believe in myself that a change was possible. The hours and the risks were making me unhappy and I knew that I would miss out on being a dad to our new born. Also, the wages aren’t enough for the responsibility of a Support Worker. Lou knew that health and fitness was my number one passion and she told me that I could be a PT. The cost of the course and the extra hours in attending it each weekend for almost a year on top of my full time job would be difficult to do, but Lou said that I must do it. She knew how important is was to me.
And then I returned the favour! A few years later and being a full time mum to two little boys, Lou needed to get back into work. I encouraged her to follow her dreams in going to college to learn holistic therapies. She now runs a successful business in the centre of Scarborough.
We could’ve played it safe. Staying in the same City that we knew, plodding on in the same jobs. But to get to this stage in our lives, we have lived in three different cities, two towns, 6 houses. We’ve created 3 successful businesses. We have worked together as support workers, Cafe managers, nightclub bar staff and shortbread biscuit entrepreneurs. Together, we’re quite a formidable team. And we’re not afraid to change something if it isn’t working or it is no longer enjoyable. As individuals we have changed and our relationship has evolved because of our need to change something that is not making us happy. Like I say, we don’t let anything fester.
Yesterday was a hoot. We both took the day off work and played the tourists in our hometown of Scarborough. When you live somewhere it’s easy to miss the beauty or the fun bits of it. Life becomes about getting to work and back, the weekly shop and getting the kids to school and extra curricular stuff. So yesterday we made it just about us and the fun to be had on South Bay and an evening meal at one of our favourite restaurants. Just looking through my photos it looks more like a pub crawl! I’m holding up a glass of something alcoholic in almost every picture! But it definitely wasn’t like that. I had appointments this morning so I stayed very sensible.
So here’s to the next 13 years. We’ll see how many more houses we can live in. One thing we haven’t done yet is take our business ideas to a different country and we are desperate to give that a go. Watch this space!
Never Give Up PT 