family – Page 5 – Never Give Up PT

Super Durant-Duckworth Bros.

It’s not often we agree on a movie to watch on our house movie days.

For example, I will suggest something edgy like Indiana Jones or Men In Black. Ok, maybe it isn’t that edgy but for 9 and 7 year olds who run out of the room when the bird lady appears in Home Alone Lost In New York, then anything that is a 12 plus is edgy.

My wife usually suggests something with a talking bear or mouse befriending a middle class family.

Jonas, my 9 year old, would probably go for The Spy Next Door every time and Finlay loves The Bee Movie and Flushed Away. But I used to know every scene of Flushed Away after lockdown so I’d rather not sit and watch it again any time soon!

As a family though, we can all agree on one movie that we have been desperate to see. The Super Mario Bros movie has been much anticipated in our household. We didn’t get a chance to see it at the cinema so when it arrived on Amazon video to rent we declared a house movie day!

The usual house movie day goes like this…

We debate the movie that we will watch for an hour or two. The movies mentioned above are all in the mix every time.

My wife and I tip bags of crisps into bowls, get some popcorn on the go and allow the boys a can of pop each. I say ‘allow’ because fizzy pop isn’t something we would usually have in the house. So movie day is a real treat for the lads!

The curtains get drawn, the picnic blanket goes on the sitting room floor, cushions and soft teddies get strewn about for good measure and we all take our positions for the beginning of the movie.

A few years ago, house movie day would have been an invitation for me or my wife to fall asleep halfway through the film. Indeed, if it was Flushed Away for the twentieth time it would have been rude not to. But there was no chance that would happen for Super Mario Bros.

My wife and I have fond memories of Super Mario while growing up. The simple game play on the now very retro consoles that I had as a kid reminds me of good times. Tetris, Sensible Soccer, Donkey Kong and Pacman too just take me straight back to me in my bedroom as a kid.

So when the Mario Bros music started at the beginning of the movie it triggered the memories.

I want my kids to have similar memories that, when they’re adults, will just transport them to innocent times of being a kid.

The theme tune to a favourite cartoon, the smell of a book, the noises of the arcades at the seaside, the face you pull when you put a fizzy sour cola bottle sweet in your mouth, hearing mum and dad laugh.

It doesn’t need to be Disneyland or a trip to Lapland that makes memories. I can still smell the caravan that I stayed in at Skipsea like I was there yesterday. And the great experiences that I had there will stay with me forever.

I hope that our house movie days can do that for Jonas and Finlay.

Get Rid Of Doubt And Begin To Dream

I might not have millions of pounds, a yacht or a big house to pass on to my kids when I pass, but I do hope that I can teach them a few things.

One thing that I would like to achieve is for them to understand that doubt will only hold them back. Past mistakes can cripple future ambitions.

It’s easy to live in the past. And for the good and the bad, the past at least gives us a sense of comfort. Our brain will call upon previous experiences from our lives and it provides familiarity. The future, however, can be seen as a scary, uncertain time. We often choose not to go there or think about it too much. So, in an attempt to stay safe, we keep referring back to what we have lived before. Whether we like what we have lived before or not.

The problem though, is that you cannot become who you want to be because you are too attached to who you’ve been. And this can be a monkey on your back all through your adult life until it’s too late.

My kids might not appreciate the process of leaving their friends, school, home, town and country now, but I’m hoping that in the future they will thank me when they’re living in Portugal with the opportunities that can open up for them.

But, for now, they might feel a little bit of doubt. They know what they know. Even with the reassurance and promise of what me and their mum can give to them, it is still an unknown reality.

And adults do the same. Adults miss out on creating their own business or going for a new career opportunity because of the doubts that creep in. Adults miss out on friendship and finding love because they are scared of being rejected. Adults are becoming depressed about their health and lifestyle because they refuse to commit to positive change.

But not all adults. You’ll notice that the ones who are smiling and are happy within themselves have all removed the lingering doubts that stop them from living with a more positive outlook. They’ve stopped calling upon the previous negative experiences that they’ve had and instead invested in their future selves.

You can’t change what happened ten years ago, but you do have a say in what happens in ten years time.

I want to let my kids know that they will make mistakes, but it is how they can learn and move on which will enable them to have bright futures. If they dwell on their mistakes then that is where doubt will set in. They will be tethered to the past.

I have worked with thousands of people who initially came to me with help regarding their health, weight and aesthetics. And there isn’t a single client that has failed by planning their future. This could be by preparing meals for the week more carefully or planning gym visits and booking fitness classes. But we can go even further into our most inner needs and desires. Once we begin to focus on the person we would like to be, then it is so much easier to plan on being that person. And then, as a habit, continue to think about this person.

Let’s think of another daily habit that you might have. Say, putting the kettle on in the morning. The kettle takes two minutes to boil. This gives you two minutes to visualize your day, your week, your next five years of your life. Think of it as a trailer to the best movie ever with a fantastic cast and a great ending and you are the main character.

What would you look like? What friends and family would be around you? What activities would you be doing? What’s the plot? Where is it set?

My favourite time to do this visualisation is when I put the washing out. Some of my best made plans have come whilst pegging my undies to the washing line. Why? Because it is a mundane task that is usually done daily and I don’t have to cram in another habit within my already busy day. I have time to think. I can daydream. I have to put the washing out. Why not make it interesting and productive?

The movie I have created for my family has a happy ending but there are sad moments too. Just like any good story. But because I have planned this script so many times during putting out the washing or cleaning out the guinea pig hutch, I know how it ends. Therefore I have no doubt about it, I can live my happiest life.

What can you begin to focus on for your future? Start setting realistic targets, find a really boring job that needs doing almost daily and make your movie now!

One Last Time

For one last time in a Scarborough Athletic FC shirt…

We would all like to see…

Their under 9’s number 6…

Bring the Corus Cup home.

Last year’s Corus Cup was eventful and it ended up with Jonas lifting a football trophy for the very first time. Next week will see him play his very last game for Scarborough Athletic FC and I hope I can post a picture similar to the one above.

The Birthday Party, Camping In The Garden, A Wedding Anniversary, Oh…And A Broken Chain.

Apologies for not being present on my blog site for a week or two. I do keep a check on comments and such from my readers but I simply haven’t found the time to write.

As the title suggests, it’s been a busy period with many great events such as my youngest turning seven. This included pizza and cake on his actual birthday and then a bowling party with lots of fried party food a couple of days later.

And then my wife and I celebrated our wedding anniversary of 14 years. We seem to grow stronger as we continue our journey together and, along with our two boys, we make a great team. Just as well then, seeing as this current journey has the ability to hit a bit of turbulence. But I’ll get to that shortly.

To celebrate our anniversary and knowing that we wouldn’t be getting any childcare to have our own grown up celebration, we decided to put the big three bedroom tent up in our garden for an adventure. The kids loved it as we ate yet more pizza and kebab in the tent from the takeaway, told eerie camping stories and then slept in it through the night. My wife and I managed a bottle of fizz (or two) as the kids got to sleep first.

So the last couple of weeks have been eventful and, although there have been lots of celebratory reasons to enjoy less nutritional food and drink, there has also been an element of comfort eating. This brings me back to the turbulence.

Regular readers will know that we accepted an offer on our house in the UK and are set to leave for Portugal in the coming months. However, a few days ago we found out that the buyers of a house further down the sale chain had pulled out of their deal. The buyers of our house remain in a good position to still purchase our house though so we are hoping that the chain can be ‘repaired’ quickly and we can continue without too much time lost.

But the stress and anxiety of the waiting and chasing up phone calls to estate agents and solicitors has been telling. We’re also awaiting further news of our VISA application.

And I must admit. I have taken my eye off of my usual nutritious diet and allowed more processed foods in. Not having the motivation to prepare big meals or the inclination to choose a healthy snack over the smokey bacon crisps (I don’t even like smokey bacon crisps) has been apparent in my recent mood.

This would have added further anxiety to my life before I began studying for my Personal Training qualifications and understanding how we behave the way we do and how we react to certain events in our lives. Losing track of my discipline would have made me believe that I was failing in some way.

I used to look at myself in the mirror after a workout and feel like Jason Statham. I’d leave the gym feeling good about myself. But if I looked at myself after eating a bag of crisps I would feel disappointed and useless.

But now? I reflect almost daily on what I can improve on in my life. I ask myself, did I really need those crisps? How did my workout make me feel? Did I treat my wife and kids with the love and respect they deserve today? What one thing could improve my wellbeing tomorrow? If I answer honestly, I usually find a solution in which I can begin to map out a better pathway. It all becomes a little clearer.

I can always do better, but if I call my recent over reliance on certain foods a failure then I am missing out on a massive opportunity to learn. Mistakes, blips or regrets are simply tools to teach ourselves something different.

I’ll eat crisps again, for sure, even smokey bacon. But from tomorrow, it’ll be back on my terms. It won’t be for comfort or for convenience.

Next week will undoubtedly be another eventful one. One which will be entered with plenty of optimism. One without turbulence. One with positive results.

One with lots of spinach smoothies.

Number 6

‘Despite being nervous about moving up to play against the older kids, Jonas scored six goals in half an hour of his first game against the under 10s. You just don’t see anything like that.’

Jonas’ football coach gave him a fantastic send off during Scarborough Athletic’s grass roots presentation evening. It brought my wife to tears and I had a lump in my throat.

His impact at the club has been enormous. He broke records such as being the youngest ever player (he was signed to the under 7’s when he was 5) and his coach announced that he will be requesting that the number 6 jersey be retired in honour of the mark that Jonas has left.

The ‘football dad’ gets a bit of bad press. Pushy, yelling from the sideline and hoping that one day their kid will be earning millions playing in the Premier League.

And yet I don’t think I’ve been pushy. I’ve encouraged my kids to attend the extra curricular activities that they committed to but never demanded that they go if they didn’t want to. And for Jonas with football it’s been a bit like that. Despite his love for the game and his obvious talent, he has often made excuses not to go to training. But training twice a week and playing a game on Sundays since he was 5 must be quite tiring, even for the most willing of kids.

Scarborough Athletic are a very well run club. On day one the parents were told that it’s about their kids enjoying football and that the referees and coaches are volunteers. Yelling at them from the sidelines would not be tolerated. And although I’ve occasionally given encouragement and cheered a last minute winner, I’ve tried to keep quiet and not interfere with their game.

And I know the statistics when it comes to kids making it professional. I’ve seen some great talent in the hundreds of games that I’ve watched but I’ve probably not seen any kid that will become a full time professional. So I have to handle my kids’ dreams sensitively. Always dream big, yes, but success shouldn’t be defined by how much money you make, how big your car is or how many followers you have on Facebook.

Apart from a tournament that Jonas will hopefully be able to attend, that is it regarding his Scarborough Athletic journey. A club that has given him so many opportunities and valuable lessons in his short time of becoming a footballer. For that, we’ll be forever grateful.

Be Committed

I write this as a kind of message to myself. I’m currently needing to muster all of my positive energy to remain committed to our project of creating our Wellbeing Centre in Portugal.

And that’s not because I don’t want to do it or cannot be bothered to continue with the process. Far from it. But it’s because I’m scared.

Yesterday we had a phone call from our estate agents. We are 8 weeks into the sale of our house in Scarborough and each day is a nervous one as we hope that the chain stays in tact and we complete the sale. We’ve had the estate agent call before on a previous sale and it was to say that the buyer had pulled out. So we’re on tenterhooks now.

However, yesterday’s call was a good one. All being well, they said, the sale could be complete within two weeks.

Two weeks!

That’s much earlier than our expected date of early August. My wife and I looked at each other. Hearts racing at the news. I think I mouthed a swear word. My wife just said,”What are we doing?!!”

Portugal now seems very real. Visas seem very real. Finding and buying a house, a car…oh and driving a car on the opposite side of the road, arranging for our stuff to be sent over, schools for the kids, building our business, learning the language and generally putting ourselves in a very different life to what we are used to. It’s all very real now.

But whatever it is that we want to achieve, being committed to the plan and the ultimate goal is an absolute necessity. It would’ve been easy during the past few months to talk ourselves out of it and simply carry on with our current life. We are happy. The kids are happy. But we committed to a goal that we have dreamt about for many years. It’s not a whim. Indeed, it has been planned for over ten years or more. And even before my wife and I had met each other, we had hopes of moving abroad. It’s only when the UK left the EU did we pluck up the courage to do it.

The other necessary ingredient to reach your goals is to admit that sometimes it is getting tough or you are scared. I say it to myself. I say it to my wife. I even put it out to the world in my blogs.

Rewarding stuff in life isn’t meant to be easy to obtain. It should be difficult.

It could be going to the gym for the first time or having your first PT appointment. It might be applying for a job in your dream career. It could be setting up your own business or entering a new relationship. There will be times that you will be scared about the outcome, but you must trust the process.

The house, the yurts, the massage rooms, the gym and the schools won’t fall into our lap once we are in Portugal. And we’ve already talked about the strain that such a massive move can have on a relationship. Truth be told, I’m absolutely bricking it.

But I’m also committed. I’m committed to the project and I’m committed to doing this with my wife, best friend and business partner.

I just need to trust the process.

Picking Out The Peas

My youngest is a fussy eater. He’s always been the same. Even as a baby we were concerned about his milk intake and then, when it came to solids, his fussiness continued into eating very little and with only a couple of things that he would entertain. And none of them with great nutritional value.

At almost 7, he has improved and will try the odd bit of different food that the rest of us have on our plates, but only for 50p. Yes, we have to bribe him to eat anything remotely healthy.

Tea times are awkward. Whatever the boys want for tea it will always come with a good portion of veg. They enjoy fish fingers and we will be happy to prepare these as long as they eat the veg as a non-negotiable. But our eldest has a varied diet as well as wanting the usual processed stuff that most kids like. So my wife and I are often making two or three different meals over tea time.

And then there’s the peas. A big bag of frozen veg to last the week is a good investment for the boys. Or so we thought. Now our youngest will only eat the peas from his serving of veg. And if there’s any evidence that another veg has touched a pea he will not eat it. Which means that I am left picking out the peas before preparing them to serve. With a hundred things to do at any given time, picking out the peas out of a mixed bag of frozen veg is never up there as a priority.

We’ve tried keeping him seated until has eaten his full meal, but this has led to tears and I don’t think that him having negative memories around food and meal times is productive either. So his mum and I will continue to cater for this fussiness.

So, while he is counting his columns of 50p’s, you’ll find me in the kitchen counting frozen peas.

Sim Señor

I don’t really do footballing heroes. I love the sport and I enjoy supporting Liverpool, but I do it all from afar. You won’t find me on the Kop at Anfield every week singing the names of the players. After all, they don’t come to watch me at my place of work either.

Also, despite being a massive football fan, top elite football can bore me a little. VAR (video assistant referee) can slow the game down too much and the injury feigning is a drag. So paying out hundreds of pounds to watch it live doesn’t float my boat.

However, seeing the pictures of Roberto (Bobby) Firmino’s final game at Anfield was quite emotional. He’s as close to a professional footballing hero as I have. And, yes, he’s a super talented footballer, but it’s the way he conducts himself as a person that has always impressed me. For 8 years at Liverpool, he has gone about his work with modesty and humility. No wonder the fans sing ‘Sim Señor’ to him whenever he appears on the pitch.*

I wish him all the best in the future.

An emotional Bobby on his final Anfield game

But I do have an outright winner to be my footballing hero and that’s my eldest son Jonas. Not only is he much better than I was at 9 years old, but he has overcome so much to continue doing what he loves to do which is to play football.

Covid halted his progress in football, but more importantly in his ability to develop his social skills. He would refuse to do weekly zoom meetings with school which were compulsory and he wouldn’t get involved in zoom meetings with his football team, Scarborough Athletic. He began with nervous ticks which he still has to control now and a trial at Leeds Utd ended with him walking off of the pitch because he felt overwhelmed. He became more and more isolated during lockdowns and he still has moments where he can get anxious in certain settings.

But on the football pitch is where he likes to express himself the most. With two feet and a great understanding of the game, he stands out when he plays.

But today he had his own ‘Sim Señor’ moment as he played his final game for his club. Of course, he managed a goal and an assist in the 2-2 game. His next team, if he wishes to pursue the game, will be in Portugal. This will be another massive step for Jonas if he joins another team having to re-establish himself in a different culture and a foreign language. So it’ll be a test for him, for sure.

The Scarborough Athletic coaches, Sam and Andy have been extremely supportive to Jonas at the club.

But it would be foolish to underestimate him. His setbacks have given him a steely resilience. He has had to work extremely hard sometimes just to go to training or a match, depending on his anxieties. Slowly he is overcoming this but a new environment will challenge this resilience.

It is, however, his Never Give Up attitude that makes him my footballing hero but it’s not about his talents, it is for the very same traits that Bobby Firmino has that impress me the most. He isn’t the loudest on the pitch, he is happy for his teammates to get the goals and the accolades, he plays football with a smile and he just keeps his head down and gets on with it.

I hope that he can continue to thrive in Portugal.

* Sim Señor were the original words to the Bobby Firmino song as this is Brazilian Portuguese but has been changed to Si Señor by the football fans.

Sugar Hangover!

Whilst living on my current street in Scarborough I have had three street parties to celebrate The Monarchy and The Royal British Legion (VE Day, Jubilee and the Kings Coronation).

That’s quite a record for a guy who doesn’t consider himself a Royalist. However, I do appreciate the ability for a street or a community to be able to get together and celebrate stuff. I think that it is important in today’s society. Perhaps some people on the street wished to toast The King during yesterday’s Coronation, I chose to acknowledge my privilege.

Since this was my third attempt at a street party I thought that I would be a bit more prepared this time. I bought 4 cartons of Sangria which has a lowly 4% volume of alcohol to share with my wife and neighbours. On previous occasions, I have peaked too early. The parties usually start at 1pm and by 3pm I’m trying to collect enough people for a conga while chanting “Mo Salah, Mo Salah, running down the wing.”

So what could go wrong with a few glasses of low alcoholic Sangria? Eugh. Lots!

Ok, I didn’t get drunk. Far from it. I remained fairly sober with just a mild tipsiness by the evening, but the sugar content of these little cartons was outrageous!

This has left me today with a massive sugar hangover. According to self.com, sugar hangovers can be just as bad as the alcohol type with very similar symptoms. Shaking, sweating, fuzzy headed. Oh great. And here’s me trying to be sensible by not downing the merlot too quickly!

Fortunately these parties don’t come around too often so the damage isn’t too bad. But for the next street party (or indeed the festa de rua), I might just stick to water.

Bee Happy

Up until two weeks ago I had never given bee keeping a serious thought. Indeed, even just putting on a bee keeping suit and observing wouldn’t have been something that I ever expected to do.

I mean, I don’t scream when a bee comes near me, but the thought of being surrounded by thousands of them whilst sweating in a space suit and disturbing their home making them angry was never on my to do list.

And then my wife and I began planning our Wellbeing Centre in Portugal when the suggestion of keeping bees came up. A good idea I thought, but the conversation didn’t really progress until I found out that my wife had organised a trip to the local beekeeping society so that we could start learning the ropes.

I’ve been looking forward to today, albeit a little nervous. But our move to Portugal will be a time for many firsts. Why not give our visitors a beekeeping experience too?!

My eldest wasn’t as excited by the experience as the rest of us. With a tear in his eye, he reluctantly put his suit on but said that he wouldn’t get too close to the bees. That’s fine! After all, I wasn’t sure how close I would get!

As it turns out, both boys were excellent in following instructions, staying safe and getting as close as they possibly could. Myself and my wife were also keen to watch and learn as the keepers opened up the hives.

I don’t know if we will develop the beekeeping in Portugal. There is lots to do before we get to that stage, but we’ve organised another trip to the hives in two weeks time so we are obviously keen to pursue it.

Not only was it a great way to spend an afternoon, but it left us all buzzing!