family – Page 12 – Never Give Up PT

FAQ’s

Why do you say fat loss instead of weight loss?

We can lose weight by drinking less fluid, going to the toilet more, vomiting our food, chopping our arms off or not eating at all. Losing fat and monitoring your fat body levels is a process that is sustainable for life by eating and exercising correctly. I sometimes use weight loss because it is universally understood by all of us that are influenced by media.

Why is programming your fitness so important?

Fitness regime’s get stagnant. Before we know it we have spent the past year lifting the same weights and running the same distance. Not only does it get boring, but your body stops responding to it. New challenges need to be constructed and developed over time.

How often do you train?

5x a week lasting from 45 minutes a session to 2 hours. It depends on how much time I have between training my clients and family commitments. I don’t train on weekends as this seems like a good time for my body to rest and have precious family time

Why do you train?

For my mental health, to feel good about myself, accomplishment, mindset and focus for other aspects of my life and I want to be able to remain active and independent in later life.

But we’re all going to die anyway, why be so obsessed about your fitness?

That’s like saying I’m going to die anyway so why obsess about eating. I eat because it keeps me alive and it makes me feel good. Same as training. I might get cancer or get hit by a bus and die tomorrow. I want a 170k PB deadlift before that happens and I’ll want a Donner kebab with onions and chilli sauce with a side portion of chips and a glass of Merlot too.

What gets you out of bed on a morning?

The thought of a 170k PB deadlift, a Donner kebab with onions and chilli sauce with a side portion of chips and a glass of Merlot (and my wife, kids and work!)

A Short Update…

Little did I know that this time two years ago I would be about to lose my sanctuary (the gym), I would have to fight to keep hold of my business, I would be home schooling my kids, our bank balance and savings would all but disappear and I would be told that if I left my home for more than an hour at a time I could catch a killer desease.

No. It’s not from a Horror movie. In the UK, Covid lockdown restrictions began in late March.

Just before it happened my business as a PT was strong with happy trainees and new people wanting to join. My own training was pretty good and I had a nutrition plan that I was sticking to. My wife was ready to begin a new business and my kids were thriving at school and in extra curricular activities. Our dream of taking our business ideas to Southern France was taking shape.

But March 2020 happened. Trust me this isnt a sob story. My family and friends have stayed healthy and we’ve all rode the waves of two years of restrictions and uncertainties. We’re lucky.

Below is an illustration of how my fitness journey went over the past two years. Top is from May 2020. The sun was shining. I couldn’t leave the house. The BBQ was cranked up daily and a cold beer or G&T time seemed to get earlier by the day. It was boring and stressful. My fitness suffered. Apart from a few token squats as I tried to encourage my kids to exercise to Joe Wicks I didn’t train myself.

Bottom left is from a year later. So three lockdowns (and gym closures) later. Of course I was keen to train when the gym managed to be open and I could go to work but my diet had suffered and I was still trying to cut my alcohol intake down.

Bottom right is from today, Feb 2022. My Programming and nutritioning has been strict for a few months now and alcohol is limited to weekends. Even then I’ve done a dry October and a dry January and, if I’m being honest, I don’t miss it when I don’t drink. Maybe my habit was out of stress?

My journey is far from finished. Indeed, my journey will never end! I’m not looking for a destination.

So there you go, a short update about me, my last two years and my journey so far. Onwards and upwards so they say!

A Non-negotiable

Sometimes a friend will say to me, ‘You’re training again?! Are you not scared of injury or over training?’

I train Monday to Friday for an average of 90 minutes each session. That’s 7 and a half hours of training in a week consisting of 168 hours. It’s the least I could do. So no, I don’t over train. And injury happens when you don’t train or when you train and do it wrong.

Before marriage and kids came along I would easily do double the amount each week but I didn’t have a clue. My 20 year old self wanted to out lift everybody else whatever the cost, even after a night out of smoking, drinking and shoving any recreational drug into me I could find. Yes, you’d still find me in the gym the next day damaging my lumbar spine. But because I was not training correctly, it didn’t matter how long I spent in the gym. My results were very average for a young man who had a naturally lean physique. I wish I could train my 20 year old self now.

No matter how tired my kids are, as they go to bed they must brush their teeth. Also, on getting up on a morning they brush their teeth. It’s a non-negotiable. They even have a penguin egg timer so when they flip it they keep brushing for the two minutes that it takes for the penguin to reach the bottom. Just 4 minutes a day. But it is so important to their health. They have 23 hours and 56 minutes each day to ruin their teeth, so it is important to…A. Do it, and B. Do it correctly. Hopefully this routine will teach them the importance of clean and healthy teeth and they will become mindful of the other 23 hours and 56 minutes.

This is how I view training. I wouldn’t stop brushing my teeth because I couldn’t be bothered. I wouldn’t start peeing my pants because going to the toilet takes up too much time. Just like performing the every day tasks like brushing my teeth or going to the toilet, training is non-negotiable.

For all of it’s aesthetic rewards, keeping a healthy mindset is what keeps me driven. Once the penguin is on the move, I have no choice.

I used to have bad days. Like really bad. Days where I couldn’t get out of bed. These were the days that brushing my teeth didn’t matter. Taking each breath at a time was my only priority. Coping with my demons until perhaps the next day became more bearable for me to move. Sometimes it’s the little things like getting to the bathroom that are actually a massive step.

My experiences are why I have my non-negotiable rule. Training isn’t about wanting to do it or not. I just do it. And if I get a phone call to say my kids are sick and need picking up from school, or I have a flat tyre, or my lucky squatting pants are in the wash and I can’t train that day, I’ll make up the time on the next day.

I’m a busy working dad. Life happens. Sometimes I go to squeeze out the toothpaste and there’s literally nothing left. But teeth are precious, so I buy a new tube as soon as I can and my kids will brush their teeth at the next convenient time.

‘Life happens’. I get that. Tomorrow is my first day back into society after my Covid isolation. It’s been a tough week. But we have to make sure that, just because we acknowledge that ‘life happens’, it isn’t what is inscribed on our headstone.

Tomorrow, the penguin will start its timer. I need to be ready to go.

A Slice Of Life

My initial thoughts on posting about my home made pizza was going to be on how many calories you can save yourself by creating it at home rather than a takeaway pizza. There’s a potential of a 500 calorie reduction by making it yourself. The leading pizza takeaways are around 2000 calories for a 12″ Margherita.

But I thought, nah, if you can eat a whole 12″ pizza like I just have then calorie saving isn’t going to be on the forefront of your mind right now.

So then I thought about the money savings. I made a pizza for less than one pound. To get one the same size and the same toppings delivered to your door is easily close to £15. That is a massive saving. In fact, for the same price, instead of buying in a pizza each week you could subscribe to my online fitness coaching with 24/7 PT support. I’m not hot or spicy but my jokes are always cheesier than a quattro formaggi.

Anyway. I digress.

I want to explain how I feel as I make a chilli con/sin carne, curry, pesto pasta or a pizza. Not only do I know exactly what goes into my dish, which is reassuring in itself, but it makes me feel happy. Sometimes I sing along to the radio. I’ve also been known to dance in the kitchen to my kid’s horror. I’m a cross between Jamie Oliver and Fred Astaire in the kitchen once I get chopping a bit of cucumber.

And it also gives me time to think. I think about my family. I think about what I have to do tomorrow and the week ahead. I think about stuff that I’m unable to think about when I’m busy doing other daily chores. I think about not slipping on the sliced red pepper on the floor as I attempt the moonwalk.

Cooking, for me, gives me some time out. I’m very average at it. I have my set specialities which I listed above and that’s where my culinary skills end. But it doesn’t matter. I enjoy it.

Lots of people that I have worked with regarding their weight control either through not eating enough or eating too much isn’t about them having a lack of knowledge around food. Lots of them can cook better than I. They know roughly the nutritional value of a carrot compared to a chocolate bar. It is their emotional eating habits that have taken over.

Eating isn’t always about when you are hungry. Often the strongest food cravings come at our most vulnerable emotional state. We do it without even thinking about it. Even if we are trying to curb our bingeing urges, there’s alway a McDonald’s advertisement not too far away to keep us on our toes. And that’s where cooking our own food can help.

We need to try to develope a much healthier relationship with our food. No food is ‘bad’. We don’t have to feel guilty all of the time. You don’t blow your fitness goals on a calorific meal and you haven’t got an eating disorder because you miss a meal.

Eating something that you have made can be rewarding, you are able to control your calories (and macro’s) much easier, prepare meals for the week with batch cooking and you get to handle real food. Have fun with it. Try making your favourite dishes. Learn about the qualities of each ingredients. Smile as you do it and, rule number one, move like Jagger.

Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff

Moving to Scarborough was one of the best things I could have done for my family. We are by the sea and we literally just have to open our bedroom curtains to see it. My boys play football on the beach, go for walks in the beautiful surroundings and attend a good school. We needed to get away from City life.

But the initial move was a very difficult one. As we were selling our house in Leeds and hoping to buy our house in Scarborough my mum died. She had been ill with cancer for a number of years and eventually she lost her fight. She was 62. My dad was an absolute rock for her every step of the way. She was diagnosed with breast cancer when she was 43. My age now. They were still young. My mum was still young when she died.

Eating pizza. Not sweating the small stuff.

Within months of my mum dying, we left for Scarborough. My dad had lots of family around him. His brothers and his mum, plus my mum’s family. Had he been alone, our decision to go ahead with a move might have been different.

Scarborough isn’t a million miles away from Leeds. A couple of hours on the A64. But with busy lifestyles and a pandemic to deal with we haven’t seen him loads. Fleeting visits both ways every few month perhaps. So I was delighted when we managed to arrange my dad and my grandma to drive over this weekend. It’s always lovely to see my grandma and, despite the list of aches and pains she will tell us all about, she has a great sense of humour. Well, she laughs at my jokes, so she must have.

My grandma, as usual when we see her, said that she would pay for our meals. It’s what grandparents seem to do. I don’t argue. My mind turns to the menu!

It won’t be a fancy restaurant. We’ll be with an 8 and 5 year old. It would be lost on them. Plus, a decent pub with a play area would be nice so that the adults could catch up. Back to thinking about the menu…

I am currently looking for a caloric deficit in my training schedule. Ideally I will lose 2-3 body fat % in the next two weeks before beginning a strength phase. It’s tight. But I’ve been on track all month. Now, I either restrict myself on the occasion where I see my dad and Grandma for the first time in months by ordering the salad, or I get the double cheese burger, onion rings and fries and break the whole calorie thing into the whatthefuck.

I tell my trainees that you shouldn’t sweat the small stuff. If you leave the track then bloody well enjoy it and get back onto the track with no regrets. Don’t regret a slice of cake, a chippy tea, a packet of crisps or a kebab. Enjoy what you enjoy! I’m going to take my calorie thing into the whatthefuck. I’m focussed enough to enjoy the burger, onion rings and fries, enjoy it, and move on.

And that’s the key. You can still be a focussed, determined individual and still break the rules now and again. I have goals that I’m passionate about. My training regime is tough. I demand a lot of myself. But a part of being human and not an algorithm is that I am a husband, a father, a son. Sometimes, the computer says yes, give me the bloody burger!

So don’t sweat the small stuff. Enjoy food. Enjoy training. Enjoy life. We’re not here forever.

Waiting and Waiting on the Sidelines.

I’ve just managed to persuade my 8 year old to join in his friend’s birthday party after 30 minutes. It’s a football party and he loves football. He doesn’t just live and breath football (as well as Fortnite) but he is actually very good at it. At a trial for Leeds United he just froze. The daunting prospect of exhibiting his skills in front of coaches and the other kids he didn’t know got the better of him. There’ll be other opportunities. Like I say, he’s pretty good.

But since lockdown this confident little boy has gone into his shell. A throat clearing tic started during the third lockdown and got more regular and louder as school approached. School was very good and understanding and, although the nervousness of going to school has stopped, events out of his comfort zone are still there. I’ve just witnessed it. A lot of confidence has come back, but the constant breaks from normality such as the Christmas holidays takes him time to settle again.

I totally get it. People see me as this confident person entering the gym. I wear a PT top with my logo or the gym colours. I know what I’m doing. I love being there and I enjoy meeting my trainees for their next challenge. Most of the time I feel in control. But I sometimes feel like my little boy. I know exactly what he’s thinking as he is waiting on the sidelines. ‘What if they don’t like me?’ ‘What if I do something wrong and I get laughed at?’ ‘What if I’m rubbish today and don’t help my team?’

At 43 with plenty of reflective moments to look back on I know that none of this will happen in the gym or anywhere else that my anxiety tries to hold me back on. I’ve developed a thick skin too so even if it does, fuck it. But my lad is still fighting these anxieties and might do into adulthood, it’s not uncommon.

At his age I got around this by being the Joker. That hasn’t changed actually. Even now an awkward moment can always be fixed with a joke. That’s what I do to this day. I was called disruptive back when I was a kid because trying to make somebody laugh was my weapon. I remember meeting my wife’s dad for the first time I told more jokes that night than a Jimmy Carr gig. Probably just as inappropriate too. He laughed and still does now. So I keep telling them! He likes me!

Getting out of bed and leaving the house might mean putting on your ‘mask’ sometimes. We all do it to an extent. Some masks slip. That’s fine too. I’m envious of those who can firmly fix their mask to their face for the whole day. But as long as you take a deep breath and go again then you’re doing well. I’m proud of my boy for doing what he did today. He didn’t feel comfortable right at that moment to join in, so why should he? He waited until it was right for him.

We’re all learning and developing at any age. And my son has just helped me learn a little bit more.

The Ability To Thrive

There is this test done on fleas in regards to their jumping ability. The common known fact is that they can jump thousands of times higher than their own height. That means that they can jump out of a jam jar with ease. But put the lid on the jar and eventually they will stop trying. Over time, they learn to live within their environment. Even with the lid off, they won’t or can’t jump out. They’ve been conditioned.

Imagining my next big jump (without the lid on)

Humans do that too. We put our own jam jar lid on our ability to thrive outside of our environment we become accustomed to. Fleas don’t like it nor dislike it. They, like us, just live with it. We don’t know any different.

But there are those who break the mould. I personally know people who do. I’ve trained them or I’ve lived with them or I’ve being friends with them. They’ve all had one thing in common and that is their refusal to accept somebody (or themselves) to tell them that they can’t do it.

As a kid my limits seemed to be mapped out for me. Coming from a council estate watching my parents struggle through one redundancy to the next and those who I looked up to for support in my education and extra curricular activities telling me that I wouldn’t amount to much, I was the perfect example of a flea in a jam jar with the lid on.

As an adult I haven’t turned into a Premier League footballer, a multi millionaire, a Love Island contestant, a record breaker or a famous singer. That isn’t what being able to thrive is all about and if that’s what we see as being successful then we’re all screwed…with the lid screwed tightly.

No. The ability to thrive is to create an environment, or a mindset, that says ‘I will not be limited by what I have or what I am told I am.’

Seeing as I’m a Personal Trainer I guess people expect me to be talking about how we thrive in the gym. However, we rarely achieve what we want to in the gym if we aren’t thriving outside of it. So my point is about an individual as a whole. I mean where we live, how we live and treat others and the credit that we give to ourselves and our physical and mental health.

People, or society, will try to put us in the jar and turn the lid. Most people will do this without knowing that they are doing it to you. They don’t mean you any harm. My understanding is that they feel the restrictions bestowed upon them, so don’t know any different. They expect nothing of you because their own expectations are limited on themselves. Putting you in a jar and screwing on the lid soothes their own mind. You are restricted in causing a stir to their own lives.

‘I’m leaving the army. I’m quitting building college. I’m dating a girl outside of my race. I’m leaving my well paid job to retrain and run my own business. I’m leaving this city. I’m leaving the country’, are all actual quotes I’ve told people and it was met with shock, mockery, fear, whispering and funny looks. They didn’t like the changes that I was making because it made THEM feel uncomfortable. It burdened their belief in that I was this person who would drift into the jam jar. I’m not. I wouldn’t.

We all drift sometimes. Coasting seems easy. But at times we need to find the gear and get into our lane and overtake those who hold us back. You won’t even need to speed. Take your time. Some people have almost stopped. Overtaking is easy if you check your mirrors and step on the gas a little.

The Emotional Workout Called Life

I didn’t know it at the time, but when I sent my application to train as a PT it would change my perspective on myself and on my life. As I looked through the prospectus to the course I didn’t see a syllabus dedicated to finding one’s self.

When should I tell him that one day he’ll have daddies hair?

I had to change my career. I have had highs and lows in employed and self employed jobs all of my adult life and I was always ready for the challenge. From supporting adults with autism to restaurant manager, I would fully commit to my work. But I knew that I could never stay somewhere that gave me that ‘sunday night syndrome’. That nauseating feeling that I’d get knowing that it was back to work again the next day. In my mid thirties, I knew I had to do something about it or live with my choices. Searching ‘how to become a PT’ seemed like a good place to start seeing as being in a gym was like a second home anyway.

I felt pretty good about myself when the course instructor told me that I’d passed. Ok, I knew a bit already and had always been interested in the human body so I didn’t struggle in passing. But simply because I did something out of my comfort zone was an achievement to me. The average age in the class were early 20’s. Every day during my course I would ask myself ‘am I too old to become a PT?’ but I convinced myself that I could do some good for a lot of people and, as it turned out, for me too. I had to create an uncomfortable environment for me to eventually become comfortable and that still remains the same when it comes to mindset changes or body transformations. The body won’t change if it is not put in uncomfortable situations. Why would it lose fat or grow muscle if it doesn’t have to?

The gym is one of the only places I can walk into and know instantly how everyone is feeling. I know because every one of their thoughts are what I have experienced in the gym at some time. The insecurity days. The feeling pretty damn good days. The depression days. The fantastic night last night days. The feeling crap in my gym kit days. The feeling like a super hero days. I can’t do that in Aldi. I have no idea how Dave on tills is feeling. Put him next to a bench press and I’d know his PB, his health and fitness goals and his ideal body fat percentage. But also, because of my own journey, I would know if he was having a happy day or a sad day. That none existent syllabus didn’t teach me that. That has become my own intuition from having to rediscover myself and also having to read my trainees mood very quickly. Moods change performance. I have to know their moods.

When I train myself I can put an entire days emotion into one session. I can control the weight. I know how to breath, when to brace and what happens next. That’s why I like doing it. Other aspects of my is not so structured. I know when I’m about to lift a PB deadlift, but I don’t know when my son is going to come home from school with a chipped tooth because another kid punched him. I never went on a course on how to deal with that. I don’t feel in control in that moment. We have to learn on the job in life. Being a good father, husband, son, friend. We strive to be better.

Wanting to change something about yourself for tomorrow doesn’t mean that you are not worthy right now in this moment. Wanting to lose a few pounds doesn’t mean that you aren’t beautiful today. Wanting to be a better person doesn’t mean you aren’t a great person today. That want to change is a fantastic attribute as long as it is a change for yourself and not anybody else. Investing in your own needs isn’t a selfish act. It’s quite the opposite. If you make positive changes to your own life then those around you will reap the rewards too!

I’m still finding myself. It helps that I keep putting myself in uncomfortable situations, whether that be a new business venture or an attempt at a new PB. Small or big, I want to create life goals that are challenging yet realistic. And I don’t expect to find them all in a course prospectus, a YouTube clip or at a squat rack, so I’ll just buckle myself in and enjoy this ride.

I’m Not A Grinch… Honest!

I have typed out this first sentence a dozen times. I know what I want to say, but there’s nothing I can begin with that makes it sound sincere. So I’ll type it and you can judge…

I like Christmas, I really do.

…are you buying that? Ok, so the truth is I could probably go without the bloody fuss this year. Or any year really. But I know that this ‘bloody fuss’ I call Christmas is the highlight of my kids year and my wife was putting the tree up in November so I guess I’m strapped in and ready to go.

So much time has been lost. My kids schooling, money lost through lockdowns and my mental and physical health has taken a battering over the past 2 years, I just wanted a period of normal. But Christmas isn’t normal. The look on my kids faces on Christmas morning and the smile on my wife’s face as we sit down for our lunch will brush all of my anxieties away. I know how lucky I am. But just because we are lucky or privileged it doesn’t mean anybody should feel ashamed about feeling anxious sometimes. I’m a PT. I motivate people. But I would rather motivate people through honesty rather than an abs selfy on Insta everyday.

Christmas can be a wierd time for most people. Although I lost my mum to cancer in February a few years ago, I knew that my visit to her at Christmas would be one of the last times that I would see her. I’m not sure she would have remembered any of my visits after that. So this time of year, like for so many, can be an emotional time.

Being a PT for me was never about just shouting at people in a gym. I do that pretty well too! But I also appreciate talking to people and finding out what makes them tick. This talking to people thing is powerful, y’know? That’s what really helps me find their goals and how to achieve reaching them, not how good their squat is. A person trains for one hour of the day, but it’s the other 23 hours that make us.

I’m bracing myself for the kids breaking up, eating and drinking too much and not training enough. I have a strong family and I know that we’ll have fun. Even if it is at my expense as they watch me ice skate for the very first time.

But, and this is the absolute truth…deep down I really do love Christmas. Every bit of it.

Shouty dad has gone…

I’m interested in self reflecting. I’ve done it since being a kid and I always found it as a monkey on my back at the time. I didn’t want to think too much about how I reacted to certain situations. I wanted things to wash over me a bit more. Now, rather than be tortured on my behaviours and if I said or did the right thing, I use it as a tool to improve.

I reflect almost daily. Just a quiet time where I can replay back certain situations in my head. And it’s no surprise to those who know me, seeing as I’m there so often, that a minute or two between sets in the gym is a good time for me to think. The gym is my therapy. My meditation. A time for self reflection. Who am I? What am I becoming? To answer this I need to reflect on what I have done.

My thoughts often turn to my kids. I’m very hands on in their lives and they are pretty much my world. But as I rest from my latest set and I smile when I picture my kids faces, my heart begins to sink at how I snapped over their latest bickering with each other or my ranty voice when they didn’t listen to my instructions. I can be a shouty dad. I hate that.

I can’t just recognise my faults, click my fingers and change. Nobody can. But, much like training a muscle, I believe we can train our behaviours to become what we actually want to be. Sure, I’m a caring, loving dad. My kids love me. We tell each other often that we love each other. We hug daily. But I knew that I had to train away shouty dad. Sooner or later, my kids would come to resent me and I would be in a state of anger forever. I had to reflect daily on what I could do better in these tense situations. And I think I am getting better. But I need to keep training my behaviour and keep checking myself. If I become complacent then I lose my consistency. And consistency, again, just like training the body, is key.

Shouty dad has gone. I’m not saying that shouty dad won’t make a visit the next time my youngest draws on the curtains again. He might make an appearance. But I firmly believe calm dad will tap him on the shoulder and tell him to sling his hook. Calm dad has got this one under control thanks very much!