family time – Page 2 – Never Give Up PT

Trizio River Beach

My Name Is…My Name Is (wicky wicky) Shay D.D

For the past couple of years my boys, aged 7 and 10, have been asking me if I know who Rick Astley is. As a child of the 80’s, I certainly do know of Rick Astley. Well, now my kids know of him too. Apparently he has a ‘Rick roll’ dance on the game Fortnite. But Rick seems to be yesterday’s news (or dance) and it is now a craze of Eminem.

Last week Jonas asked me if I knew of Eminem. With a ‘Pffft!’ I answered ‘yes of course!’

You see, back in the early 00’s, I dusted off my old Brian Harvey baggy jeans that I wore during the ‘Stay Now’ days, out came the basketball vests and bubble jacket, I bleached my thinning hair blonde and tried to capture the Marshall Mathers look. There’s nothing that my kids can tell me about Eminem.

Well, they can. Worryingly so.

Jonas is now walking around the house like Harry Enfield’s Kevin from Kevin and Perry quoting songs from Eminem.

It seems like everything that those of a certain age did back in the day to worry their parents is coming back to bite us in the arse. Rick Astley aside, it seems that my kids are beginning to dredge back up all of my most unfortunate memories from being young.

I vaguely remember getting stoned to Family Guy. I could easily get through four seasons without moving from my pit. Low and behold, Peter the ‘Family Guy’ has become a video game character that my kids are obsessed with.

If Mr Tumble brings out a hit song with Marylin Manson then I’ll start to think that the universe has it in for me.

Recently, I’ve begun to realise just how hard it was for my parents. It’s difficult to keep your children away from the latest craze if all of their mates are into it. Doing the right thing is tough. What is the right thing?

Today we bought them both smartphones for Christmas. They’re both too young, I know, but their friends all communicate on WhatsApp and seeing as our boys can no longer see their friends in person, a phone seemed like our only option.

I’m not sure you can ever get it right as a parent. Jonas is obsessed with Eminem now, but how can I allow Jonas to listen to his sweary lyrics?!

Well, luckily there are a few YouTube sites with ‘clean’ versions, but I’m putting a lot of trust in Jonas in keeping to those sites that I have found for him. If he comes out of his bedroom with a hockey mask and a chainsaw, I will know that he has detoured from them.

I was slightly insulted when Jonas asked me if I knew of Eminem. I used to be cool. I could spit some bars with the best of them…

…or maybe not.

But I still know of Eminem!

Truth be told if I had a choice I would much rather listen to Rick Astley’s songs than Eminem these days. I’m more Go West than Kanye. You get what I mean.

But either way, It looks like I’ll have to get to know these rappers all over again.

#Coimbra

I thought I would share with you my week so far. This includes a trip to Coimbra before celebrating my son’s birthday in Sertá.

It’s difficult at the moment to post as often as I did a few months ago, which I hate, but we have had a few things going on and Finlay and Jonas have been with us every step of the way! So I’m writing this on an evening as they’re tucked up in bed and I have a glass of Sagres to chill out with. So here’s the week so far…

Lou and I thought that a bus journey to Coimbra and an overnight stay would be a real treat for the boys as we have promised them that we would travel around Portugal as much as possible to discover the culture (and the shopping centres!)

We regretted not exploring Scarborough and its surroundings as much as we would have liked since moving there in 2018 and we don’t want to make the same mistake again. I blame COVID lockdowns for this, but in the past 12 months ‘Project Portugal’ had also become our focus.

The Rede Express coaches are a good way of getting around Portugal and Spain as it works out cheaper than driving the car due to fuel and tolls. I also don’t fancy the stress of the roads. I’m new to driving on the ‘wrong’ side of the road and I still need to keep reminding myself of which way the oncoming traffic is coming as I approach a junction. Sitting on a coach for an hour and fifteen minutes seemed like a good idea.

Our priority for Lou and I in Coimbra was to find birthday presents for Jonas and Christmas presents. It has a big shopping centre called The Forum. That’s where we headed first. It isn’t the most cultural of experiences that we would have preferred, but needs must. It’s basically a big White Rose Centre and as I say, we needed to find gifts.

Sertá, which is where we currently live and will be buying a house, is beautiful. But it is no ‘shop til you drop’ experience. We needed a big city. We needed glitz and glamour. We needed the bright lights and the buzz. We needed to join the hoards of shoppers looking for a Christmas bargain. We needed Primark.

We did, however, manage an evening at the Coimbra Christmas market. Something that is difficult to comprehend for us is the warm air even during the evening. As we walked around the stalls with our light jumpers or t-shirts, we noticed the locals in their bubble jackets and wooly hats. I mentioned a few times to Lou that it was ‘muggy’ as I patted my sweaty head down, trying not to look too touristy. I failed.

Coimbra was a hoot. We did enjoy dipping our toes into a bigger city. We also liked getting back to Sertá.

So then it was Jonas’ tenth birthday on Wednesday. We were worried that we wouldn’t be able to achieve a ‘special’ day for him as, for the first time on his birthday, he wouldn’t be around his friends in the UK. And, despite our trip to the shops in Coimbra, it was still difficult to do a great gift shop seeing as he was with us. However, a bit of planning months ago back in the UK meant that we had already purchased some gifts for him.

We also went for pizza at his favourite pizza restaurant, R&R, and had cake back at the apartment. Despite everything being a bit different, I think he really enjoyed his day.

There’s been some serious stuff to overcome this week too. Time was running out in getting them a start date for school in January. Lou and I have been getting a little nervous about this as the paperwork and communication between their previous school, North Yorkshire council, the Portuguese authorities and their new school hasn’t been easy. Everything must be translated and, along the way, bits of important information have been getting lost in translation.

But yesterday we received good news. Jonas and Finlay will be starting their new school, Escola Basica Padre Antonio Louranço Farinha, on the 3rd of January. The boys took the news very well. I really hope that, come the day, they are still happy to be going.

They have been constantly with us now for 7 weeks, 9 by the new year, they are in a different country with a new language to learn. I remember going back to school after a holiday. Even worse, starting a new school. I’d feel sick to my stomach the night before. My boys will have to be much braver than I ever was.

But this was always meant to be a part of our journey. To put us in new, challenging situations. To learn and grow as people. The 3rd of January will be yet another challenge for our kids. And it’s a biggy.

So, there we go! I think I’m up to date with this eventful week. Keep checking in for my updates leading up to Christmas!

Confessions Of A Tooth Fairy

Finlay’s tooth has been threatening to fall out for months. He has wobbled it, pulled it and tugged on it but the little blighter has held on by a thread.

Until yesterday.

His front tooth finally fell out. No fuss, no blood. Just popped out.

‘So!’ announced Finlay, ‘I’ll be getting a Euro from the Tooth Fairy tonight!’

He is right, of course, that the tooth fairy does indeed visit our home on tooth-coming-out occasions but here’s what you should know about the tooth fairy that has been allocated to us.

Finlay is adamant that the Tooth Fairy is a ‘he’, so for the sake of this article and in danger of misgendering our Tooth Fairy, I’ll refer to him as male.

But this is where the issue may stem from. He might be upset that we call him a ‘him’. You see, the Tooth Fairy didn’t turn up through the night. No euro was left and Finlay’s milky white was still there, under his pillow, all wrapped up in a bit of tissue.

So Lou and I have spent the morning making excuses for our Tooth Fairy. We told Finlay that, perhaps due to us having a few different addresses in the past few months, he wasn’t sure where we lived.

We waited a moment to see Finlay’s reaction as we tried to defend our erratic Fairy friend from Toothland.

I’m not sure that was believable.

I went on to explain that, due to the backlog of tooth fallings out recently he might be running late. I used my birthday card as an example. I was due my card from my dad on the 14th of November from England. It is now the 2nd of December and it still hasn’t arrived.

But likening the Tooth Fairy to the lackadaisical postal system in central Portugal didn’t seem to wash with young Finlay.

Ok, Here’s The Truth

The truth is that the Tooth Fairy is a very hard, honest working Fairy who was well aware of Finlay’s tooth under his pillow but had fallen asleep that evening after a few glasses of port watching Netflix.

The Tooth Fairy, in waking up a little disoriented on the sofa, totally forgot to take the tooth and leave a Euro.

It was a total black mark on an otherwise glittering CV, but the Tooth Fairy had fucked up this time.

Still, I attempted to defend him. I told Finlay that the Tooth Fairy had a much tougher job than Santa. Santa has loads of elves to make presents and then Santa does his job on one night and takes all the credit!

I mean, there’s actually some credibility in my argument, right?

Tonight, I’m sure, the Tooth Fairy will have had a sobering talking to with his conscience and will totally be on it tonight. Finlay, however, is unaware of the damning truth that the Tooth Fairy got carried away with a bottle of Port and forgot to put a Euro under his pillow last night.

So we have given Finlay a little tip. We told him that the Tooth Fairy might like a note of appreciation, asking for his tooth to be taken, and this is what he might be waiting for. Just a little letter of thanks for the job he does. After all, the Tooth Fairy might also be a parent who is trying to do their very best.

I don’t think that the Tooth Fairy will let us down tonight.

Hand Harvesting Olives

With the sale of our house in the UK at a critical period, the perfect time spent to put that to the back of our minds was to begin harvesting the olives in our rented space in Portugal.

The other day, as I walked past a local family harvesting their olives, I was astonished at how quickly they cleared their olive trees of olives. It was done with expert precision.

Our efforts today, however, might have seemed a little amateurish compared to our neighbours’ skills. Nevertheless, this was a moment to learn something new and as we discovered, a time to think.

Thinking clearly becomes difficult when there are so many plates to spin. Perhaps you’ve felt the same way at times too? It can feel like you’re taking on one too many plates and the only outcome you can visualise is one where the plates come crashing down.

Standing in a field, then, picking olives from the many trees, seemed like a much needed respite from the spinning plates.

And this is not an activity to be taken lightly in Portugal. Olive cultivation is big business and one of the oldest traditions in the country. It’s fun too.

Some time ago I wrote an article about my ‘happy place’. This was when I was walking along Cleveland Way in Scarborough, UK, and my family and I went berry picking. The kids were happy to explore their natural surroundings, learn about foraging and discovering what they could make with their newly picked berries.

No screens, no rush to be elsewhere, just living in the moment with nature. Today enabled me to feel that again as we harvested the olives. It humbled and grounded me. I think it did with the kids too. Finding them a school in their new home is paramount, but standing in a field learning new cultural standards comes a very close second.

Tomorrow we have many more trees to strip. Along with some textbook homeschooling and more phone calls to get our house sale over the line, I’ll be looking forward to standing in our field again.

Palhais

Along with my new resistance training which I’m now completing each morning, as a family we are beginning to explore our local area of Palhais in Sertá. And as I don’t have the use of a full time car, walking long distances has been a daily activity.

We happen to be almost in the very centre of Portugal. So much so that in the distance of our accommodation we can see the Centro Geodésico de Portugal, which is a tall white tower signalling the geographical centre of Portugal in Vila de Rei which offers fantastic panoramic views. But this region also has its challenges.

Buses are irregular and, if you do drive, the long and winding road through the mountainous route from Palhais to Cernache do Bonjardim is not for the faint hearted. And for those who are walking from place to place, kerbs aren’t really a thing here.

And that’s what we’re doing for the most part, doing lots of walking.

But luckily, whether we are on foot or in a car, we rarely see many cars on the road which suits my left hand lane driving brain.

In the town of Sertá, there are lots of things to see and do even on a drizzly (yet warmish) November day. Of course, the boys found a football pitch to have a kick about.

And then there’s Trizio, which is a wonderful river beach offering water sports during the summer periods. For now though, we got to see its beauty without any people there. When our youngest, Finlay, managed to stop talking for a second, we could hear just the silence of our surroundings. Bliss.

There are those days where we don’t feel like leaving our accommodation at all. It has a pool, which is freezing, but that didn’t stop Finlay from having a dip!

We know that what is around the corner for us in our lives will be a challenge. But it’s one that we signed up for. Tomorrow we will be looking at another house that has the potential to be our permanent home and business. It won’t be the finished product and we will have to put all of our resources into it, as well as ensuring that the kids’ wellbeing and schooling needs are met. So far, we have been able to explore our surroundings at our leisure. But we await the next chapter and we hope it will be in Palhais.

And we don’t expect a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, but we are hoping for a fulfilling, grounding and loving one.

Letting Off A Bit Of Steam

https://youtube.com/shorts/HaKNb5XmaZ0?si=ySpzqNRhA0R4Q0a1

We are now within our final two weeks of living in the UK before our move to Portugal. The process has been hard and the uncertainty for the four of us has taken its toll. However, developments have taken place over the past few days and we even have our consulate date now for Manchester later this month. So we are on the right track.

But Sunday was a time to let off a bit of steam. Lou, the boys and I took a drive to the village of Grosmont, a picturesque place in the North York Moors and had a lovely walk along the old railway track.

It was very refreshing not to be talking about glamping, central Portugal, VISA applications or packing. We just breathed in the moment.

And we saw just how beautiful England is and, especially being Yorkshire folk, how lucky we are for having this on our doorstep.

Never Change, Finlay

For a few years now Lou, Finlay and I have watched Jonas lift the trophies, receive the accolades and praise of the teachers and sports coaches which has been a joy. But there has always been a sadness in my heart when I sat applauding him as he has his pictures taken with the players at Scarborough Athletic and I look at Finlay and wish ‘when can Finlay have his moment?’

Jonas received his swimming badges before Finlay, he became the school sports star, was known as the class maths whizz, had the striking curly hair that the old ladies loved to fuss over in the street. Finlay has always looked on.

Now, of course, Finlay is two and a half years younger, so Jonas would always reach certain developmental milestones ahead of Finlay. But I could see that Finlay felt overshadowed. Or maybe, it’s us as parents that have felt this on behalf of Finlay. He has always shown support towards his big brother and he has never complained.

However, Finlay became the comedian. His attempts, I believe to stand out and be seen, was to be the ‘class clown’.

And I know this because that was me as a kid and then into adulthood. Even now, I’m never too far away from telling a crap joke. At school I was always one of the first to be picked for sports teams. That was never an issue. But in class and amongst my peers, I always felt on the periphery. I wanted an identity. Being ‘sporty’ just wasn’t enough. I had all this creative energy waiting to burst out of me and as a teenager this came out by writing poetry, stand up routines and comedy sketches. I got more joy out of hearing someone laugh than scoring a winning goal.

Today Finlay received his first ever certificate of achievement at his school. We were invited to the assembly and Lou and I beamed with pride. It was awarded for always giving his 100% in his work.

I want Finlay to understand that he is his own person. He doesn’t have to follow in his brother’s footsteps of being a footballer. I’d much rather he didn’t! He doesn’t have to be good at whatever Jonas is good at. Finlay just needs to be Finlay, doing what he is doing and turning into a wonderful young boy.

Never change, Finlay, never change.

Super Durant-Duckworth Bros.

It’s not often we agree on a movie to watch on our house movie days.

For example, I will suggest something edgy like Indiana Jones or Men In Black. Ok, maybe it isn’t that edgy but for 9 and 7 year olds who run out of the room when the bird lady appears in Home Alone Lost In New York, then anything that is a 12 plus is edgy.

My wife usually suggests something with a talking bear or mouse befriending a middle class family.

Jonas, my 9 year old, would probably go for The Spy Next Door every time and Finlay loves The Bee Movie and Flushed Away. But I used to know every scene of Flushed Away after lockdown so I’d rather not sit and watch it again any time soon!

As a family though, we can all agree on one movie that we have been desperate to see. The Super Mario Bros movie has been much anticipated in our household. We didn’t get a chance to see it at the cinema so when it arrived on Amazon video to rent we declared a house movie day!

The usual house movie day goes like this…

We debate the movie that we will watch for an hour or two. The movies mentioned above are all in the mix every time.

My wife and I tip bags of crisps into bowls, get some popcorn on the go and allow the boys a can of pop each. I say ‘allow’ because fizzy pop isn’t something we would usually have in the house. So movie day is a real treat for the lads!

The curtains get drawn, the picnic blanket goes on the sitting room floor, cushions and soft teddies get strewn about for good measure and we all take our positions for the beginning of the movie.

A few years ago, house movie day would have been an invitation for me or my wife to fall asleep halfway through the film. Indeed, if it was Flushed Away for the twentieth time it would have been rude not to. But there was no chance that would happen for Super Mario Bros.

My wife and I have fond memories of Super Mario while growing up. The simple game play on the now very retro consoles that I had as a kid reminds me of good times. Tetris, Sensible Soccer, Donkey Kong and Pacman too just take me straight back to me in my bedroom as a kid.

So when the Mario Bros music started at the beginning of the movie it triggered the memories.

I want my kids to have similar memories that, when they’re adults, will just transport them to innocent times of being a kid.

The theme tune to a favourite cartoon, the smell of a book, the noises of the arcades at the seaside, the face you pull when you put a fizzy sour cola bottle sweet in your mouth, hearing mum and dad laugh.

It doesn’t need to be Disneyland or a trip to Lapland that makes memories. I can still smell the caravan that I stayed in at Skipsea like I was there yesterday. And the great experiences that I had there will stay with me forever.

I hope that our house movie days can do that for Jonas and Finlay.

Number 6

‘Despite being nervous about moving up to play against the older kids, Jonas scored six goals in half an hour of his first game against the under 10s. You just don’t see anything like that.’

Jonas’ football coach gave him a fantastic send off during Scarborough Athletic’s grass roots presentation evening. It brought my wife to tears and I had a lump in my throat.

His impact at the club has been enormous. He broke records such as being the youngest ever player (he was signed to the under 7’s when he was 5) and his coach announced that he will be requesting that the number 6 jersey be retired in honour of the mark that Jonas has left.

The ‘football dad’ gets a bit of bad press. Pushy, yelling from the sideline and hoping that one day their kid will be earning millions playing in the Premier League.

And yet I don’t think I’ve been pushy. I’ve encouraged my kids to attend the extra curricular activities that they committed to but never demanded that they go if they didn’t want to. And for Jonas with football it’s been a bit like that. Despite his love for the game and his obvious talent, he has often made excuses not to go to training. But training twice a week and playing a game on Sundays since he was 5 must be quite tiring, even for the most willing of kids.

Scarborough Athletic are a very well run club. On day one the parents were told that it’s about their kids enjoying football and that the referees and coaches are volunteers. Yelling at them from the sidelines would not be tolerated. And although I’ve occasionally given encouragement and cheered a last minute winner, I’ve tried to keep quiet and not interfere with their game.

And I know the statistics when it comes to kids making it professional. I’ve seen some great talent in the hundreds of games that I’ve watched but I’ve probably not seen any kid that will become a full time professional. So I have to handle my kids’ dreams sensitively. Always dream big, yes, but success shouldn’t be defined by how much money you make, how big your car is or how many followers you have on Facebook.

Apart from a tournament that Jonas will hopefully be able to attend, that is it regarding his Scarborough Athletic journey. A club that has given him so many opportunities and valuable lessons in his short time of becoming a footballer. For that, we’ll be forever grateful.