Thanks to the invention of my wife’s father, we now have a darts board. It is currently in the courtyard area of our house, but will eventually be a part of our ‘bar’ area for guests.
This bar area is the old chicken coop of the property and will feature the dart board and bar billiards table inside, along with seating. It will be partially open roofed but protected during winter months. Surrounded by orange trees, the name we have come up with is ‘The Orangery’. But this changes daily, so stay tuned.
Anyway, we’re hoping to have this open for this summer, but the work is extensive, and on top of what other stuff we have to do, it might be a project that gets finished for next year. Either way, it’s probably something that the A New Life In The Sun want to film, so it’ll have to fit in with the logistics of filming like everything else has had to!
I’ve found out this week that my eldest, Jonas, is rather good at darts. Today he beat me with a double eight finish. Finlay, his younger brother, also has good ability. He just needs to grow a little.
But Jonas seems to have this natural ability to be very good at any sport that he tries. I’ve already spoken about his football successes, where he played an important part in a successful team from the age of 5. My wife and I would also watch proudly as he often came first in his school sports day competitions. He seemed to be able to run faster, jump higher and throw further than most kids. I’ve just found out that he can throw a dart more accurately than his old man who has played darts for the past 30 years.
Most parents let their kids win, but Jonas is killing me. I’m hoping that one day, he’ll let me win at something.
So, what was 2024 for you? Was it a year of questions or a year of answers?
For me, 2024 was most certainly a year of questions. Big questions. How could I handle living in a new country? How could I deal with a house buy, a building project, a new business? Could I settle my kids in a new foreign school? Can my wife and I survive the stresses? Can I manage to put my ‘happy face’ on for the cameras.
But I’m hoping, goodness, I’m hoping (!) that 2025 gives me answers.
I’ve been thinking about the quote by Zora Neale Hurston over the past few days, in which she said,”There are years that ask questions and years that answer.”
My thoughts on recent years took me as far as 2020. This was a year, for so many of us I would imagine, that asked tough questions. But I have noticed a trend because 2021 was one that cleared my head and started to deliver answers once again, if only in part anyway. The gyms reopened and my business could recommence. My wife had also started her own massage therapy business which quickly became very popular in the centre of Scarborough.
2022 flipped again to become a year of questions. Whilst my wife remained steady in her business, mine was stagnating. A few clients remained from pre-covid but the gym I was at never got their numbers back unfortunately. It had also decided to give the members recorded fitness classes which obviously didn’t require a live instructor. This us something I’m seeing more and more in larger gyms in the UK and just can’t help but think that members are just a number to them. There’s no personal touch. I know many of my class participants enjoyed the social aspect of classes. Having a chat with the instructor before or after and generally feeling a belonging. That is taken away with pre-recorded classes on a screen.
Prior to covid, our thoughts were very much fixed on moving out of the uk. Yes, there was a longing to be living back in the European Union but it had always been a dream for us as individuals before we met each other and then as a family. Covid had set us back financially so plans were put on hold, but 2023 we came up with the answers, swiftly putting our house up for sale and employing solicitors to assist in the visa applications and starting a business in the EU.
Oh yes, 2023 we had answers. We were so focused on this that we felt untouchable. We were asked many times,”What if your house doesn’t sell.” Or “What if your visa is rejected?”
Our answer was, “It won’t.” That’s how committed and confident we were in the process and our strength and abilities to carry this off. The reality was that our plans could’ve fallen off the edge of a cliff at any point that year, but we had answers that we told ourselves over and over that soothed our minds. “We can do it. We WILL do it.” Special mentions are required around now to thank those who gave me and my family somewhere to live in England while we were in limbo. And a great friend gave me some work working with kids in summer sports camp. I’ll be forever grateful.
But once we got to Portugal, 2024 became a year of questions once again. Mostly set by us. Just like our positive mindset helped us get through the previous year, the gremlins crept into our mindset a little during our Portuguese house purchase and business set up. We had the building work to the local accommodation house. A forest to clear. Children to settle into a new school and new lifestyle. Budget stress. And with a camera crew filming it all and a production team asking even more questions, last year was tough with some incredibly difficult questions to face.
But on the first night of the year, during a bout of man flu that had me awake most of it, I had time to think. Thinking is a luxury over Christmas with family visiting and two excited kids. It occurred to me that my year of questions were last year. This year, it is my year of answers. I don’t think that Zora Neale Hurston meant that it would be exclusively one year of questions and then one year of answers, but there has certainly been this pattern for me. At least I hope so.
There will be what looks like more filming to come. The production team are already in talks with us about their spin off ‘Revisited’ programme, where they film the progress we have made. But I feel a lot more head strong to deal with that now. I know the expectations of me. And likewise in other aspects of my life. I know what we have to do to our business to succeed. I am producing answers again. Answers that for many months I struggled to find, either due to the ‘out of my depth’ feeling or simply not knowing the expectations of, well, anything!
This time last year when asked what would be achieved by the end of the year I had to say ‘I haven’t a clue!’ And yet, if I were asked it right now I’d be able to give a more detailed account of how life might look like fir me and my family.
I’d have answers. Because it’s the year for it.
Here’s to 2025. And remember, even if you are faced with lots of questions this year, you will find the answers.
The year began with us on the hunt for a house to buy in Sertã, Portugal. We had moved into rental properties in the area at the back end of October, so it was a difficult time to view properties with Christmas looming and two excited little boys. However, in February this year, we bought our home and business property.
It wasn’t exactly the dream home. It was an old farm house with plenty of work to do on it. But it did tick many boxes. It had land so that the boys could play in the forest surrounds and we could create our picnic and meditation areas as lou and I had always wanted. It had outbuildings which we could create rented accommodation, a gym space and a massage treatment room. Our Portugal House was ready to be regenerated into our perfect home.
The One With The Family
The hardest part of the move was fretting over our children’s wellbeing. It had to work for them or it simply could not work for us. They started in a Portuguese school at the beginning of the year. Moving to a new school as the new kid half through a school year is tough enough. But add to that a different language and new cultural expectations, it was massive for them. I’m so proud of them. Their language skills have overtaken mine, even though I’ve been learning Portuguese on an app for over two years and they have immersed themselves into their new lives.
The One With The TV Program
The filming of the English TV show A New Life In The Sun began in February to catch the beginning of the renovation to the ‘little house’ which would be our rental property. This will be aired in January next year. The added pressure of being filmed was difficult and the interviews and filming time frames did make the renovation tough to manage, but there are no regrets. I guess we will call it a tick off the bucket list now that we’ve been on telly!
The One With My Own Personal Mental And Physical Health
The move has come at a price in regards to our mental wellbeing. Physically I’ve remained very active but I’ve done very little formal exercise, which is the type that I really love. But, as I say, this process has been physically demanding so I still feel fit and strong. Mentally, though, not having the time out or the equipment to pursue my favourite pastime has been difficult to accept. It has always enabled me to ‘fix’ problems and I can think much clearer. I know, though, that this situation was always going to be a possibility. After all, literally everything that I had in England was dropped, including my personal training business and gym membership. Starting from scratch was always inevitable and would take time.
The One With The Final Message Of The Year
We wanted an experience that we could look back on and say, “We did it! Look what we achieved!” And so far we are sure getting that experience. It’s come with many laughs and proud moments, but also a good deal of stress and tears too. This experience simply would not be the full package without the lows too. One cannot look back on moments and be proud if there has been no challenge or adversity attached to it. Good things that happen in life, fulfilling dreams and hitting goals aren’t fun or worthwhile if they’re easy. So we chose not to keep things easy knowing that the pitfalls were huge, but the rewards were even bigger.
As we enter another year of working towards our personal, my only advice to my readers are that they take a moment to reflect on what they would like to achieve in 2025. It could be a career move, a financial situation, a relationship, a fitness goal or a trip to somewhere special. Whatever it might be, just remember that there will be tough moments in achieving your goals, but if they’re special enough, then the feeling that you will get once the pieces start fitting into place makes I all worth it in the end.
Have a happy, healthy and prosperous new year. See you all soon.xxx
It’s coming up to three years since I started blogging. December 13th 2001 was my actual first one. Perhaps my ability to write in a professional way or using my words in a more creative manner hasn’t improved much, that isn’t really up to me to judge. But it wasn’t ever really my intention to showcase my writing skills. There are many skilled bloggers and writers whose work I read that are expertly done.
I simply wanted to write something of a journal. Something that, occasionally, someone would read and identify with. Maybe give a piece of advice, either for the reader or my future self and make someone laugh or think.
My favourite place to write was in the gym. In-between sets I’d write another paragraph or two. The gym has always been my thinking space. But for the past year I haven’t had that space due to my move to Portugal. With the upheaval of buying a house and setting up a new business, my moments of sitting on a workbench and finding the headspace hasn’t been easy. And anyway, I don’t have a gym at the moment.
I always knew that this would be my biggest challenge. Despite my unhappiness of living in a place where I didn’t want to be, there was a part of my life that would be left with a heavy heart.
The sea at Cornelian bay was always a pleasure to look out to. Good for the soul. The gym of course, with my trainees and friends who I would see almost daily in there. It was like a community. I also helped out with coaching at schools and holiday clubs which gave me a great sense of achievement at making a kids day a bit better. And then there’s family of course.
I don’t have one bit of regret in regards to my move to Portugal, but it doesn’t mean that I can’t miss things from my previous life either.
This month was my birthday. My dad had planned a trip from England to visit for a couple of days. This would be the first time I saw him in just over a year. We talked, laughed and ate too much in the restaurants. The boys loved his visit. They were so excited. Unfortunately, despite November being a very sunny month so far, he seemed to bring the British weather with him! So it rained a lot.
I’m still working to get my gym space in order so that I can train and write my blogs in-between sets, but it hasn’t quite happened just yet. It’s all a process. I keep reminding myself of how far we’ve come to create what we have already. It’s all a process and I need to be patient. But in the meantime, I’ll leave you with a few pics from the past week during my dad’s visit.
Here are a few pics from our visit to Vila De Rei today. It’s a beautiful town in the centre of Portugal and the sun was shining which made it a lovely afternoon with the family!
I didn’t think I’d find a TV series about ‘Detectorists’ all that interesting. Billed as a comedy, I wasn’t sure where the laughs would come from watching two blokes in a field with metal detectors. But then these two blokes were Mackenzie Crook and Toby Jones. Also written and directed by Crook, the series was always going to be not just funny but poignant too. Lou and I enjoyed it very much.
Perhaps we had other motivation to watch the series. Just this summer we had bought Finlay a metal detector for his birthday. We thought it was a fun activity for us all to do together and with so much land to detect on it seemed a good idea. Although, during the height of summer, the land was so hard we could not dig it up! Now it has softened, we can begin to hunt for treasure.
Another motivation is that Lou and I miss one particular thing about the UK and that is a charity shop. They aren’t very common in Portugal. As we walked along Scarborough high street we could never resist popping into a charity shop. “Shall we see if we can find some treasure today?!” I would ask.
That treasure would be an old book that smells like, well, an old book. Or a board game that would bring back memories of family holidays. Or a lamp that would remind us of it sitting in our grandparents house in the 80’s. Or a tea set from the 50’s, 60’s and 70’s, a particular favourite of Lou’s. A couple of big boxes came over on pallets full of tea sets. They all survived the trip.
Of course, we never expected to find a book or indeed a tea set intact on our land. Maybe an old farming tool. But Finlay had grand ideas of finding a pot of gold. What we found was three rusty nails all located in different areas. The buzz of the machine detecting metal is quite exhilarating, even if it was just a rusty old nail. What have they been used for and when? I like to imagine their journey to when we found them. But for Finlay, as happy as he was to have found something, it wasn’t the pot of gold that he was hoping for. It got me thinking.
We could try to seek our treasure for the rest of our lives and keep finding little more than a few rusty nails. But what did finding those nails do for us? Well, it brought us together to work as a team. A detectorist and a digger. We all took it in turns. We were in nature. During our adventure we found wild boar footprints, beautiful butterflies and dragonflies and new wild flowers appearing. We were tired. A few hours walking and digging is great exercise. And it got the boys off of computer games. Something the modern parent often has to battle against.
Finlay didn’t find gold, but he and the rest of us found a golden opportunity with much more wealth than any coins could ever give us. It gave us a moment together to witness all of this. And if a rusty nail is all that we ever find in the soil, I know that we’ll be discovering so much more about life together whilst we do it.
I’ve recently watched a comedy/drama programme called Breeders. It was created by Martin Freeman who also plays the stressed out father in the show. In one episode he says to his 13 year old son “As a parent you make over a hundred decisions a day and you just hope that you get them right.”
Of all the decisions I’ve had to make in my life, those on the behalf of my kids have been easily the most challenging.
Since becoming a father I have changed. I see the world very differently now and, in many ways, I try to see it from their perspective. It is them who have to live in this world now. True I’m not old or ‘passed it’, but I also think that I’ve had my day. If I died tomorrow I’d be happy. I’ve seen enough. I could be greedy and want to see more, but look at what I’ve achieved already.
I survived school. I had loving parents. I went on caravan holidays and ate those mini choc chip cookies in my pajamas with about 8 other family members squished into the van. I felt that funny crush feeling when the ‘girl of my dreams’ walked past me in the school corridor. I also felt that crushed feeling when she never acknowledged me when I said hello.
I fell in love, out of love and all the different emotions in between. I’ve met good people along the way, some not so good. I’ve had some great jobs, eventually finding my vocation. I married my soulmate. Fathered two beautiful boys. I learned a new language. Moved to a different country.
I’ll carry on making memories, but my point is that if it was all to end tomorrow I would doff my cap to the Grim Reaper and bow out gracefully. The Grim Reaper doesn’t scare me, you see, he’s never been too far away. And anyway he’s a pussycat really. He can only take my shell. My energy will be around forever. My energy (or spirit if you’re spiritual) might even turn up to my old crush’s house to write sinister messages on her bathroom mirror!
But now it is my boys turn. They’ll make their own memories and a fair few of them will probably resemble mine, just like yours will. And as a parent I feel that it is my responsibility to prepare them the best I can. That means making decisions and hoping that I can get them right. Most of the time anyway.
I’m currently having to use my eight year old’s aftershave. He enjoys gelling his hair and dressing smart so a couple of years ago we decided to get him a set of aftershaves, a comb and little mirror. Nothing too lavish or expensive. But we recognized that he was very different from his older brother, who much prefers the ‘just got out of bed’ look.
Finlay wafting his aftershave at me
I don’t have any aftershave at the moment. I could buy some quite easily from the supermarket who do a nice selection. But along with socks and undies, I don’t feel like buying my own aftershave is my responsibility. It is that of the gift giver on my birthday and Christmas. I currently have holes in my socks with my undies swiftly catching up and I am creeping into my eight year olds bedroom to nick a bit of old spice. This will be the situation until November when I’m hoping a gift giver will replenish my underwear stock and Eau de Toilette on my birthday.
My point is that, now, I don’t ask for much. I need my kids to be happy and grow up feeling loved. That’s it. Twenty years ago I wouldn’t leave the house without spraying half a bottle of something expensive on me and it would have been a disaster if I had to get dressed in the gym changing rooms wearing holy socks and undies. But priorities change.
My kids will see many wonderful things, but I won’t pretend to them that life is a fairytale either. As they grow older they will see the ugly sides to life too. Maybe that was the purpose of us moving to a different country. Within three months of finishing at their school in England, they were in a school in the Portuguese countryside where nobody spoke English (apart from the English teacher). My wife and I pretty much pushed them into the water and said ‘There you go, swim!’
I want them to have chances in life and to help create opportunities for them, but I don’t want to make it too easy for them.
I’ve always felt parent guilt. You know, that feeling that in some way you are letting your kids down. Was I around enough for them as babies? Did I teach them well enough when we had to home school? Is taking them away from their only home that they know in England the right thing to do?
Taking Jonas out of his football team was one of the most difficult things. He was proud to play for his home town. Bloody good he was too! And the guilt continues in that I haven’t pushed for him to play for his new home town yet. Jonas is the timid one out of my two boys. Only last Monday he sobbed at the school gates on his first day back after the summer holidays because he didn’t want to go in. And there’s been a few occasions where he has not wanted to join in activities during the summer due to his anxieties of leaving us. So I’m not sure a new football team is right for him just yet. I want him to get a year or two of school under his belt first.
Jonas. The thinker.
But does my decision help me sleep at night? No. Parent guilt taps me on the shoulder as I’m just dozing off and says ‘Oi, you smelly, tatty socked sorry excuse of a dad. Let him play football or he’ll resent you forever!’
But I’ll prove parent guilt wrong in what he says, because from November I’ll have no tatty socks and I’ll smell like Paco Rabane!
The community spirit in this very hidden part of central Portugal is remarkable. Although very rural, there are houses around us with some very lovely neighbours. Down the road is Jenny (it sounds like Jenny so we just call her Jenny) who often drops in early morning to give us bread before she goes to the market to sell what she has baked through the night.
Around the corner of our property is Ricardo, Isabella and their two children of similar age to our lads. They live in Lisbon but return to their Sertá home during the holidays. In the past week they have given our boys two bikes and invited them to watch Portugal V Croatia while having dinner.
And across the road is Antonio. An elderly gentleman who invited us to celebrate his 78th birthday with his family a couple of weeks ago. He seems to have taken to us. A few weeks ago he said that he smelt the paella we were making wafting towards his house so he invited himself for dinner! He often visits for a chat throughout the day, although he only speaks Portuguese and we attempt our very sketchy version of the language. He doesn’t seem to mind.
Lately, he has been coming daily to get his blood pressure monitored. It’s a request from his doctor to get a daily reading and he chose us to help him with this. We are honoured to assist in any way we can. That’s the community way here.
In return he brings us a bag of something that he is growing in his garden. It’s usually tomatoes but yesterday it was figs. Hmm, what to do with figs!
Something we have tried to keep a constant in the mayhem of our lives during the past 12 months is to prepare a smoothie each morning to give us that healthy kick. It feels like, even if the rest of the day doesn’t go to plan regarding a healthy diet (and let’s face it, it doesn’t always) at least we have had a nutritious boost in the morning. Figs, so we found out, made a great addition!
Here’s what we put into the Nutribullet for our smoothie…
Two bananas, five figs (skin on), Greek yoghurt, two scoops of peanut butter and a bit of water.
The results were amazing! Even the kids loved it as it was just like a creamy banana milkshake.
Each day we keep learning about different nutritious elements that we can add to our lives, but the biggest addition to our lives is that of community. A togetherness that, no matter what colour, language or creed, we can all add something special to each other’s lives.
If only the rest of the world could add those ingredients. What a wonderful place we could have.
A few from our latest Festa at Cumeada. We’re finding one a week at the moment and each one is unique to their community. A few home brew wines, but I’ll be fine tomorrow!
One of my favourite memories as a kid is collecting the football Panini stickers. I never did fill an entire album up, but those in my collection were English football league, which always included the Scottish league as well (I was always disappointed when I got Willie Watters from Kilmarnock instead of Ian Rush) and then there were the World Cup and Euros editions.
The 1988 Euros was my first one but, for anybody my age, the Italia 90 World Cup sticker book was THE collection to have. Panini really stepped up for this particular collection but the event itself was also fantastic as there were so many great teams competing around that time. Brazil, West Germany, Italy, Argentina and the Netherlands all had incredible talent in their squad and, of course, England had Gazza.
Gazza stole the show, but David Platt’s sublime volley against Belgium was a highlight. It was the only match that I missed. For some reason, my school decided to have a parents evening that night. My parents wanted to watch the match too. I remember my mum quickly asking the music teacher if I ‘sang like a bird’ before making a swift exit to get home to see some of the game. We listened to the patrons shouts of anxiety come from the pubs as we walked past each one, so we knew it was a close game. I think, if memory serves, I got to see the goal in extra time.
As it is tradition, I got my two boys their very first sticker album for Russia 2018. Jonas especially has been hooked on football since and I sometimes still see him looking through the pages of his unfinished collection (does anyone ever complete the whole book?!) but as a parent I now realise that these little packets of stickers are an expensive do when your child wants a pack every time they pass a shop.
And the quality isn’t what they used to be. The books aren’t as good somehow, the stickers aren’t as sticky and they don’t include the same facts as the ones I had. I don’t know why I needed to know the height of Toto Schillaci but the information was appreciated.
Jonas and Finlay still ask for Panini sticker albums for major events but they also want to collect Pokémon cards, Brawl Passes, Fortnite Skins and any other tat the shop sells by the tills. Where do we draw the line as parents?!
Anyway, the stickers for the Euro 2024 are also very popular in the Portuguese supermarkets. What information would Panini put on Trent Alexander Arnold’s sticker? Do they put him as a defender, a right back, a midfielder, a DM or an inverted full back? Nobody knows and, more worryingly, neither does Gareth Southgate.
Southgate seems like a great guy. I met him once. Well, I say I met him, but I actually drove past him on the motorway to Middlesbrough. And it might not surprise you that, despite his expensive range rover and my 1.2 Swift, I still managed to overtake him as he hogged the middle lane at 50 mph. True story.
And so then, his conservative approach to his coaching tactics doesn’t surprise me. He is very safe. But to continue the similarities between his motorway driving and his coaching, he might play it a little too safe but he has a knack of getting to his destination. Three years ago he led England to their first major final since 1966. And this year he is trundling along the middle lane in a souped up muscle machine as he gets to his destination. He might be grinding the Bellingham brakes and grinding the Gallagher gears but, I can’t deny, he’s still en route.
Apart from Italia 90, I don’t ever remember really ‘supporting’ an international team in a tournament. Of course I’d like to see England win, but I just don’t get as excited as watching Liverpool in club football. But now I’m living in Portugal, I can just imagine the festas if they were to win it! So England or Portugal for me.
Watching the games with Portuguese commentary has really helped me in learning the language. I’m not sure where phrases like ‘goal kick’, ‘two minutes to go’ or ‘they’ll have to check if that was ball to hand or hand to ball’ will get me in life, but it’s a start.
It’s the quarter finals next. The event has been a nice distraction from the work we have to do here so I’m really enjoying it. But I hope to see two things happen…for Ronaldo to start scoring and for Southgate to risk leaving the middle lane. It’s the only way either of them will see the final.
Never Give Up PT 