We tend to only see ourselves as part of this universe. Indeed, the word ‘universe’ indicates that there’s just one. And yet we know very little about what is beyond our own galaxy. As we learn more about quantum physics, we are also becoming more open to what else is out there.
What if we could actually discover what lies beyond our galaxy within these parallel realities? What if you could discover new layers to this world and make contact with alternate versions of yourself?
This week, that is where I’ve been. This souped up variation of a visualization meditation can take you on a journey of discovery and empowerment. I felt it and I learnt a great deal about me and my future. Just for a moment, I lived it.
Before I explain more about QJM, I first need to describe to you how the universe works for us. The universe is like a Google search bar. When you type in a search on Google, the algorithm will match what it is you’re looking for. So sophisticated is this engine, that it will also begin to create ads and suggestions based on what you input into it. Well, the universe works in exactly the same way.
A vibrational frequency from your thoughts and emotions is picked up by the universe where it will begin to match your frequency into matching algorithms.
So QJM allows us to get deep inside our subconscious mind and shape our inner beliefs and expectations. Through QJM we can access dormant areas of our minds and explore desired realities. Through these focussed techniques of QJM, we can create positive outcomes and allow the universe to process this through its matching algorithms.
Quite a lot of guided meditations that I use when I feel like I need it is by Jason Stephenson on YouTube. I really would recommend that you allow yourself some time to listen and focus on his version of a Quantum Jump Manifestation. They can be a lengthy hour or two though, so do make sure that you can have an evening to yourself (or with a partner) to take the jump. You might like some time to process your experience afterwards too.
Although I’m qualified in guided meditations I’m going to continue learning and hopefully find a way of qualifying me to conduct QJM for other people, so I won’t be sharing any of my versions just yet! But if you are interested in giving it a go, check out Jason Stephenson’s QJM and tell me how you got on.
For now, keep feeding those positive thoughts to the universe.
If someone were to give me a choice in having abs or not, then I would gratefully receive them.
If they then explained what I had to do to maintain and keep the abs I would decline the offer.
One of the most difficult things for a personal trainer to coach is a client wanting abs, AKA a six pack.
So here’s the thing. We all have them, it’s just some are more covered than others. And it is fat that covers them.
It is said that a man needs to be below 12% body fat to actually see a six pack and around 18% for a female. And, although this is achievable for people in general, maintaining this is very difficult indeed.
I regularly go from 12% to 18% depending on the time of year and at my lowest body fat there is a decent amount of definition in the six pack area. However, due to my diet it is impossible for me to edge past down to the 10% mark, where the definition would be very impressive.
And yet my diet is not poor. My calories per day average around 2800 (taken from an annual calculation) and most of my meals are nutritional. But it is nowhere near the strict regime that would be necessary for more definition on my abs or anywhere else!
It was a long time ago that I ditched the idea of going to the gym to get a six pack and it’s around the same time I decided that I liked going for a pint with colleagues after work. Now, I enjoy sneaking in an extra fish finger in the air fryer while I’m making the kids tea.
Abs are made in the kitchen. Indeed, muscle definition anywhere on the body is made in the kitchen. However, that doesn’t mean that having a physically fit physique means a life of chicken, broccoli and rice, washed down with a protein shake every meal time.
An 80/20 rule might not be the clean diet that is necessary for abs of steel, but it is sensible for the majority of people. 80% of your diet is nutritional and balanced while 20% is the other stuff that might not help towards a six pack but it tastes bloody nice!
A popular gym quote goes something like this…”People need to understand the difference between wants and needs. Like I want abs, but I need tacos.”
I could replace tacos with the leftover fish finger, that bit of mayo on the spoon before it goes in the dishwasher, brie cheese with cream crackers, my wife’s homemade ice cream, crumpets with too much butter and pringles and this quote would apply to me. But I make sure that it remains within that 20% of food that I have accounted for. Therefore, even though my abs aren’t defined, I keep a physique that I am happy with. After all, a six pack isn’t the definition of fit and healthy.
So, maybe considering your eating habits a little more and trying to achieve the 80/20 could be a good way for you to progress in your fitness goals. This way, you get to enjoy your workouts and you don’t have to ban your favourite foods.
I’ve just trained at the gym and I’m waiting for my quinoa to cook. I’ll be adding a tin of mackerel and a dash of piri piri sauce to this when I plate it up. Nothing too extravagant, but it does pack a punch in the macro and vitamins department.
And yet, if I’m honest with myself, had I not trained today I would have opted for a couple of cheese bagels with mayo and mustard. Delicious yes, but it hasn’t got the same nutritional value.
I find myself doing this regularly. On training days I will always want the healthier option. And studies show that it isn’t just me. In a recent study at the University of Texas it assembled 2500 people who did not exercise regularly and ate less nutritional foods on a daily basis.
They were put on an exercise program and told to keep a journal including their eating habits. They were asked not to change their diet.
However, within a few weeks it was highlighted that over half of those who kept to their exercise program did change their eating habits. They would often choose fruit, veg, lean meats, fish, nuts to eat on training days.
But what these studies don’t identify is WHY their habits change. So, seeing as I do exactly the same as those in the study in Texas I might be able to shed some light on why.
First of all, I enjoy fried foods. I am currently loving the homemade ice cream that my wife keeps making. I prefer cheap white sliced bread. Cheese would make my top 5 of favourite foods and kebab meat would probably rank pretty high too. I drink beer and wine. I enjoy food. But there’s a physical and psychological process that happens once I train.
Physical
I work hard at the gym. During and after my workout my body feels it and it is my body that demands what fuel is put into it in order to recover. Although the want for fried, less healthy foods don’t go away, the craving for food that compliments my workout and the recovery is very high.
Psychological
I’ve just put an hour of my time into feeling fitter and better about myself. I feel a little lighter and I feel body positive. My need for less nutritional food is not so high that I am going to step out of the gym and go straight into Greggs for pasties and sausage rolls. Today is a good day. I feel good about myself. The endorphins that are released during my workout have triggered a happier, satisfied me. My cheese bagel sounds great, but it’ll be there for another day. For now, I don’t want to feel heavy through stodgy processed food. This food is comforting, but I already have those endorphins racing through my body to comfort me. In other words, I don’t want to feel like I’ve ruined a good workout by eating the wrong food.
When I keep goals very simple such as feeling better about myself, looking fit and healthy for my age and helping myself stay mobile for as long as possible throughout my life then the answer is easy. I can still eat all of the things that make my top 5 of favourite indulgence foods but I am also programmed to give my body what it needs.
Of course, if I were to develop more complex goals then my nutritional needs may become more acute, for example, training for a marathon or a sport at an elite level, a certain weight target or for medical conditions. But I’m not.
The Bottom Line
In an ideal world we would be eating the healthier ‘clean’ foods all of the time, but it isn’t an ideal world. Sometimes you need to grab and go as you work towards a deadline in your course or job. The kids swimming lessons are straight after school and you can only manage a packet of crisps as you scramble them into the car. Or you’ve been invited on a night out and you want a few gin and tonics.
But effort and preparation goes a long way if you keep goals simple. Being more active and giving your body some nutritious food can simply become something that you do. You become programmed to it because it makes you feel good after an activity.
An apple, beans or quinoa might never be in your top 5 of your favourite foods, but they don’t have to be. They just need to exist in your diet to begin with. There’s no such thing as bad food, just bad habits. And I think the key to creating better eating habits lies with us taking some time to exercise regularly.
It is very rare that I cry, but I did this morning. It was as I watched a news article that set me off blubbing.
Yesterday there was a charity run held in Leeds which would aim to raise money for lots of great charities. One of those being charities associated with Motor Neuron Disease (MND).
Of course, running for these charities were Kevin Sinfield and his ex Leeds Rhinos team mate Rob Burrow.
For those of you who don’t know these guys, Rob Burrow was one of the best ever rugby league players I’d ever seen and it was the likes of him and Sinfield that would have me and thousands of Rhinos fans going back to Headingley stadium every week to watch them play. As a football fan who didn’t entirely understand the rules of rugby this was quite a thing. But I just needed to go and appreciate just how good this team was.
Just a few years after his retirement in 2019, Rob Burrow was diagnosed with MND. Him having children of a similar age to mine has made me extra sensitive to this news. He had had a stellar playing career, a beautiful family and he was an extremely young and fit man with a well deserved career in coaching or whatever he chose to do in retirement. MND had other ideas.
Kevin Sinfield, his best friend, has been an absolute rock to Rob, his family and the whole of the MND community.
Yesterday, as Kevin helped push Rob to the finish line, he picked him up and they crossed the line together. I saw it for the first time this morning and I was in bits.
What went through my mind? How strong Rob was. As a rugby player he was a Gladiator but he has been even stronger since his horrible diagnosis, speaking out on behalf of the MND community whilst dealing with his own emotions. I thought about what a fantastic friend Kevin Sinfield is. You’d expect support from your pal, of course, but he has been an absolute inspiration to us all. That moment when he picked Rob from out of his chair and crossed the finishing line together symbolises friendship, strength and togetherness, a reminder that we don’t have to struggle alone if we have the right people around us. Whatever the finish line we have to cross, we can do it with a friend like Kevin Sinfield.
But as wonderful a moment as it was, it was also very sad. It was sad to see what devastating effect MND can have on the body. Like Rob, we can train, eat a strict diet and do all the right things, but life can be cruel.
Every time I hear a story like this it fully confirms my beliefs that what I plan for me and my family’s future is the right thing to do. Moving to Portugal to pursue our dreams is happening now because I’m not hanging around any longer. For what? What do we hang around for? Why do we procrastinate on our dreams and goals and all the things that might bring us joy and happiness?
Whether it’s a course that you’ve fancied applying for, a career move, a gym goal or whatever, today is the day to start the process.
And when you surround yourself with the right people, you can achieve your dreams and they’ll also be there to pick you up when you’re down. During their playing days I can bet that there will have been dozens of times that Rob has given Kevin the good advice, the pep talk and the commitment to get over the line. kev is just repaying the favour.
Life can show us how cruel it can be but how wonderful and valuable it can be too. Live your life and cherish how wonderful it is.
Perhaps when we find ourselves at a particularly low ebb in life, we turn to stuff that feeds off of that anxiety. It’s like a form of self harm. Scratching away at the scab that protects the wound.
Severe self harm such as cutting ones self, so it has been said by those who have done it, forms a release as they see a trickle of blood come from a cut.
This release, in more clinical terms, is known as the hormone dopamine. The body’s natural happy drug.
I never self harmed in this way. Instead, I found the gym and, albeit not exactly what we think of when we think of self harm, if you break down the muscle fibres which causes muscle hypertrophy during resistance training then you are ‘harming’ yourself. Certainly, that’s what the body identifies, and therefore triggers the release of dopamine in the same way as the body of a self harmed would.
I’ve written before about how the gym saved my life. And it isn’t PT spiel to get people to the gym. It’s just the fact that we need to release these hormones somehow and the gym ticks all of the positive boxes in doing that.
But what about before the gym? Back in the early 90’s there weren’t gyms that catered for 14 year olds in the UK. There seems to be a number of gyms that have certain set hours throughout the week which can be used for under 16’s, such as the gym I train at in Scarborough. But I’m not sure this was the case for me, so I turned to music.
As I mentioned in my first paragraph, we tend to find the stuff that feeds off of our anxieties at particular times in our life. So when I felt low I didn’t turn to the Greatest Hits of Black Lace. I wasn’t doing the agadoo when I felt worthless. Instead, I would listen to grunge and rock music. Bands like Marilyn Manson, Nirvana , Pearl Jam and Jeff Buckley would create more angst and yet in some way soothe me. Perhaps, in music such as this, if you feel that the lyrics speak directly to you, then you can be comforted in that somebody else is feeling your pain. They understand. It’s an arm around the shoulder.
One of my first albums that I bought was the Soul Asylum LP Grave Dancers Union. The lead singer, Dave Pirner, often sang about his depression and it is probably best captured in the track ‘Runaway Train’.
He describes how his own depression felt like a runaway train. That was his metaphor for his anxieties that would spiral out of control.
And this isn’t unusual. One in six UK adults suffer from depression. Females are far more likely to seek help for their mental health than men. A charity organisation that I have had contact with through my work is Andy’s Man Club, which offers advice and meetings in their local areas. I would advise any man who feels that they need help to give them a call.
When I first became a PT I didn’t appreciate how much work goes into mental health rather than physical health. Sure, most people want to lose a few pounds or grow muscle but there is usually an underlying reason for why a gym member has approached me for PT.
By no means are all of my clients depressed! But there is a certain need for us all to be accepted. It is when we realise who we are looking for acceptance from that we can start moving forward. And that person is ourselves. Nobody else.
We drive the runaway train. It can derail sometimes and we can feel out of control. But fundamentally we can get it back on track and put on the brakes. And that’s why people come to me. Because no matter what gym goal they tell me, as long as I deliver in enabling them to accept themselves first and foremost then the rest is easy. A few pounds, no problem! Feeling pumped, easy! Because they start to do it on their terms. They gain control of their mind and their body.
And we can take this same principle outside of the gym with identifying any life goals. The very best Personal Trainers also make excellent life coaches because the needs of an individual inside the gym is simply just a reflection of their greater needs outside of it. It’s all relative to the bigger picture. And then, like a jigsaw, we can piece it all together. It starts making sense. We can take control.
We’ve all got a runaway train, but first you need to understand that you are the driver. Contact me if you need to talk.
Do I feel less anxious because I started to balance my energy flow using chakra energy, or did I begin to feel less anxious and therefore felt more open to chakra balancing?
I was always a skeptic when it came to meditation, chakra balancing and crystal healing. But perhaps I just never understood it before. Now, as a meditation guide, I am obviously fully on board with the powers of this method of calling upon ones own positive energy.
Truth be told I still don’t fully understand it. But sometimes we don’t need to understand something, we just need to trust that we’re going in the right direction. If it feels right, you probably are.
So giving myself a moment to think, meditate, get rid of any negative energy and find my chakra balance is as important to me now as my next meal. It is nourishing, satisfying and necessary in surviving the day.
The seven essential chakras that I focus on are the crown, to understand . The third eye, to see. The throat, to speak. The heart, to love. The solar plexus, to do. The sacral, to feel. And the root, to be grounded.
We often find the answers that we look for deep within us. These can be the most important questions that challenge you daily. Why am I doing this? What is my purpose? Am I worthy?
You have the answers, but you need to stop for a moment to find them. Just by closing your eyes in a quiet space can help you to come up with answers, but to truly find peace with these answers then I would recommend meditation or a form of energy balancing. This will really speak to our soul.
What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
Do you ever give your soul a chance to provide any answers, or do you just keep asking the questions?
Hey Shay. It’s you. Just a little bit older and wiser. Oh, and balder. Yeah dude, sorry. You’re going bald even now so the sooner you own that look the better. Luckily The Mitchell brothers from Eastenders are making baldness a bit cooler, so just get it shaved now and stop trying to perfect the comb over.
Let me just go through all the stuff that you’ve already experienced and then I can try to explain the sort of stuff that you will live through. I’m not here to change your past or your future. I’m just giving you a heads up.
By now you will have done pretty poorly at your GCSE’s, which was obvious seeing as you didn’t really put in the effort. But you know that you’re a bright lad, just not at Shakespeare or algebra. And right now you’re wondering what your future holds.
Let me reassure you that you’re about to meet your calling. You’re a kind and thoughtful person. No exams will determine your life or career. Instead, it is your character that will enable you to work with and support other people within the social care sector. You’ll learn a lot in your time doing this job. And the biggest education of all will be about how everyone you meet will be unique. Everyone is equal and has so much to offer and you can make a difference in enabling those who you work with to show it.
Technology will change. Wow! Have you got your Nokia brick yet?! Well, when you do and you’re amazed at how you can send instant texts to people then brace yourself for what’s about to happen. In the new millennium that brick will turn into a little computer with the whole world inside of it. And then you’ll have to deal with social media. Most people seem to like it but I just end up debating about politics with a stranger. A bit like you do now but not face to face. It’s all done on your phone.
I know that, by now, you’ve dabbled with a spliff and done silly stuff like what other teenagers do. Arguing with mum and dad is upsetting right? But they love you and when you become a parent you’ll see how tough being a parent is.
Oh! Yes you will become a parent! I know you’ve always said that you don’t want kids but when you find that person who you want to spend the rest of your life with and makes you very happy, then you’ll change your mind. And your kids are two healthy boys who love you more than anything in the entire world. And even as I write it, I beam with pride. So you have that to look forward to. But just remember, we gave our mum and dad grief sometimes so we’ll have to be prepared for our kids being terrors on occasions too.
Now at 18 some very difficult news is about to enter your life. I’m sorry, bud, but your dad will knock on your door and tell you that your mum has cancer. Hey, before you get too upset right now, let me tell you that this news shapes your character. You will deal with it personally and as a family. You will still create memories. But it will hit you hard. As a young man trying to make his mark in life, you will make mistakes and emotion will get in the way of good decision making. But you will also grow stronger from your challenges that are to come. And I won’t sugar coat it, as much as you will enjoy your life, there are some seriously tough times too.
Our two boys will still be very young when our mum dies. But she got to see them and they still talk about her now. So she’ll never be forgotten. And our dad has had to create a new life. He became our hero when he looked after our mum. But he had to move forward, which he is doing.
I like how you put your mortality into perspective, even now as an 18 year old. We have always wanted to live for the moment and get out of life what we can. And you don’t change. At 44, you’ll be planning a new life in Portugal with your family. You don’t do ‘what if’ at 18 and you won’t at 44.
You will live through world events such as war, an actual pandemic, the UK leaving the EU and in a few years time what is known as 9/11. None of these will directly hurt us or our loved ones but it will have a profound effect on us. Lots of decisions you make will be because of these things. We said that we didn’t want kids because of stuff like these events, but we did have kids so you’ll get to my age forever wondering how to protect them.
I know that you are currently looking at ways in which you can change the world. But you will come to realise that as long as you can enrich the lives of others close to you then you are doing your best. Remember the moments where you support someone going to their new job or to the swimming baths. Treasure those moments where you help them cook a meal in their own home and realise how important you are to the elderly man who wants to tell you about his childhood every time he sees you. That’s making a real difference.
You will become (and still are) a personal trainer. This all came about because of the hours each day that you spend in the gym. You might as well become a PT! But you’ll be older and wiser when you do. Right now, a workout is pumping up those nightclub muscles so that you can look good in a T. But when you’re closing in on 40 you begin to understand that training is about being able to put your own socks on in the morning and having the energy to run in the park with your kids. This knowledge is useful to you in your career as a PT.
Depression never goes away. I am sorry that you experienced dark thoughts as a teenager. But you will deal with each day as it comes, trying to overcome it in your 20’s. Eventually you just live with it and keep it in its place. The gym will help you, but the big turning point for you will be when you meet your future wife. You’ve got 10 years to go yet. Together you begin to start seeing life differently. You start to live life rather than endure it.
However, you will meet some amazing and influential people along the way but it’s only on reflection will you be able to appreciate it. Everything you and those around you do shape you and your environment. It moulds you. So you’ll soon realise who the people are that you need to hang around with and who to stay clear of.
I need to go now. I need to allow you to continue your journey that leads you to writing this message.
But just one last thing! Don’t turn off the 2005 Champions League final! I won’t tell you what happens but just keep watching it until the match finishes.
Keep smiling Shay. It’ll all turn out ok in the end.
I often wonder how I am able to live within the law and the norms of society and be able to be myself, to express myself and pursue what is valuable to me. The journey I am on is investigating this lifestyle which has led us to central Portugal.
Recently I watched a program on UK TV documenting the lives of a couple called Miriam and Peter who, in previous careers, were city workers. They had travelled the world and eventually settled in the remote mountains of Rhodope in Bulgaria where they lived off grid. They invited people to learn survival techniques with them which paid, but the majority of their time was spent hunting for their food and surviving the vast forests.
As much as I admire them, their nomadic lifestyle wouldn’t be right for me and my family. They didn’t have two children for a start and we still very much want us and them to be integrated into society and live in a community that lends itself to helping each other out and working together to provide a healthy, sustainable existence. So we haven’t just closed our eyes and put a pin in the map. Central Portugal was chosen very carefully.
However, getting away from the rat race, from the ‘big smoke’ and the stress that comes with it is appealing. I want a good life. According to planetofsuccess.com the meaning of The Good Life is “living a life that sets you free. A life that satisfies and fulfills you. That adds happiness, joy and a sense of purpose. But it also means to live a life that is worthwhile, that makes a contribution, instead of being solely self centered.”
In a nutshell, that is what I want. And I would urge everyone who wants their definition of The Good Life to go and grab it now. It won’t come easy. Nothing so powerful ever does, but you can make plans.
One reason why the majority of us never do try to find their own personal good life is down to living in fear. We are told to fear God, political regimes, pandemics and war. Sure, they might all exist (depending on your own personal beliefs), but it is drip fed to us daily from media outlets with their own agendas often led by political bias.
In the UK, we are also told to fear small dinghies with people with brown skin on them, Eastern Europeans, those who live in poverty, European laws and unions, green activists and Jeremy Corbyn. Anybody but those in charge of the country and our lives, it seems.
A man on a dinghy crossing the English channel will never impact my life the way the man standing outside 10 Downing Street will. And yet the media are outraged by this man on the dinghy. It injects fear into us. Is he a rapist? Will he go for my job? Will he live off of the state? Is he a terrorist?
The Italian diplomat Niccolo Machiavelli wrote,”Since love and fear can hardly exist together, if we must choose between them, it is far safer to be feared than loved.”
This might mean different things to the reader, but my interpretation of this is that the people need to be kept in line. Allow them to fear certain outcomes and allow them to be angry at each other. Whilst the people of the UK still argue the toss over Brexit, those in a position of power are making more profit than ever. And for those arguing the toss, energy bills get higher and grocery costs go through the roof faster than any other country within the European Union due to goods entering from the EU to the UK and the red tape involved. And leaving the Internal Energy Market has left uncertainty in the UK energy supply meaning rocketing prices.
And that leaves me in this position. Wondering where I can possibly live my life with my family with as much of this ‘good life’ as possible. It is no longer in the UK.
And I am no way blinkered to the trials and tribulations that await in the next part of my journey. There is no fantasy island. Perfection isn’t what I’m expecting.
Just as the shepherd protects his sheep, media outlets will claim that we are being protected from the external attacks and the internal disorder. And even if the grains of truth that are fed to us do protect its people, I’ll always remember that the Shepherd only protects his sheep for his own interests. And when the time comes he will sheer and slaughter them as his interests dictate.
Your boss, your political party leader or any other higher power won’t give you the good life.
YOU will.
YOU will give you and your family the good life. So start planning.
Having spent the past two weeks with kids obsessed with football at a multi sports camp and having two footy mad kids myself, the question “Who is better, Messi Or Ronaldo?” Is asked to me almost daily.
But this question isn’t just something that kids ask. People debating on the terraces, in the workplace, online and in pubs must be one of the most frequently asked questions in the footballing world for over ten years.
So, my answer is usually pretty boring to most people.
The problem with finding the answer here is that we are talking about two of the most gifted footballers to ever play the game. They both have different strengths to each other but they are considered some of the greatest ever because even their weaknesses are pretty strong.
But these footballers are once in a generation freaks who are exceptionally gifted. They are so good that players such as Neymar, Modric, Salah, Mbappe and Haarland simply get overlooked as the best in the world because, even though Messi is in his later years as a footballer, is still winning some of the greatest trophies in world football.
Kids score a goal and instantly celebrate with Ronaldo’s ‘Suuuuiii’ celebration. They are more than great footballers. They are icons. Kids want to be just like them. And when I watch some adults play football in the local park, I suspect they do too.
And whilst this enthusiasm for mimicking heroes is all good fun, I can see an issue with how we view ourselves and how it can affect our own expectations of our own abilities.
I’ll take you back to when I first started going to the gym. I would see the most physically imposing guy in there and want to look like him. He was the gym GOAT (greatest of all time). I would watch how he trained. I would notice the protein shakes he was drinking.
Yet all I was managing to do is raise the bar to a height that might have been way too high for me, my genetics, my lifestyle and crucially my health and physical development.
I didn’t need to be anybody else or aspire to anyone else’s goals. Sure, I can always ask questions and get training tips, but trying to become the same size as Triple H was a poor start to my gym journey. It can be demoralising and, for many people, ends in quitting the gym altogether.
My son Jonas is a terrific footballer for his age. As an under 9’s player he is currently playing in an under 10’s league and looks comfortable. But I do try to keep his feet on the ground. He watches lots of football on YouTube. Rather than watching video after video of Ronaldo and Messi, I would much rather he watched the leadership of Jordan Henderson on TV or even go to the local stadium of Scarborough Athletic and aspire to have the passion of their team captain Michael Coulson.
SMART
When you are wanting to create your fitness goals I would recommend the SMART approach. This stands for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time. And I’m going to look at the achievable bit for this article.
As I have stated above, I believe that many of us raise our bar to unrealistic levels and if we were to lower it then we would get to where we want to be much easier. It doesn’t mean that we can’t be brilliant at what we do, in fact, if we can look at our achievable goals realistically, then there’s a much greater chance of being brilliant at what we do.
Firstly, you need to recognise your competition. The only competition is YOU. Nobody else. You want to achieve just as much, if not better, than yesterday’s you. This could be by maintaining your physical activities from week to week, looking to achieve an extra mile on the treadmill, putting an extra couple of kilos on the bar, aiming for higher reps or keeping a stable nutritional diet. It doesn’t matter what Hulk is lifting on the platform. It’s your journey, not theirs.
A few years ago I trained a very active 50 year old lady who wanted to gain muscle hypertrophy. As time progressed and her personal bests were increasing she began to show me pictures of Karissa Pearce, who is a CrossFit athlete. My client wanted her physique. I had to attempt to manage my clients expectations. It wasn’t that she didn’t work hard enough in the gym but it didn’t meet the criteria for her achievable goals. Karissa Pearce was a professional athlete in her mid 20’s who was able to train full time and stuck to an incredibly tight diet to get the physique that she had (and still does). My client, despite her levels of enthusiasm and spirit, did not live the same lifestyle and I would not have been doing my job correctly if I enabled unrealistic goals.
The saying goes “Reach for the moon and you’ll land among the stars”. But it can only refer to your moon and your stars. Not Messi or Ronaldo’s, Triple H or Karissa Pearce’s moon or stars. They have their journey, you have yours.
So many young people give up on their dreams because they could not interpret that dream into reality. And adults do it too, until we become a society of people giving up because we couldn’t manage our expectations.
A child should be able to dream about becoming a World Cup winning footballer, but the reality based on statistics in the UK is that a talented kid at football who manages to be invited to an academy has less than 1% chance of making it to becoming a professional at ANY level. However, that shouldn’t burst a kids bubble. If they aren’t one of the lucky ones to make the professional level, then it is worth noting that there are over 5,000 football teams in non-League divisions. This is an excellent standard to reach which is often paid (depending on the league and the club). Just because you don’t have Ronaldo’s career, it doesn’t mean you are rubbish at football.
As a kid I would dream about playing for Liverpool FC and, although I don’t earn the weekly wage of Mo Salah, I did follow my ‘sporty’ dream eventually by becoming a Personal Trainer and I currently coach sports to children. And so we should dream, as long as you manage the reality.
I encourage my own kids to dream about their goals. But, just to give you an example of the sort of stuff they aspire to achieve, it involves mansions, high performance cars, professional football, becoming a YouTuber with millions of followers and traveling to the moon. These are all great ideas, but I also want them to realise that just having a home is winning at life too. Affording any car is a luxury. Having your health and talent to play at any level of football is amazing. Having real friends that appreciate you is special and just being able to see the moon is a blessing.
Reflecting on my own fitness journey, i now understand that my achievable goals are to be able to run and lift as well today as I was doing ten years ago. It’s to fit into the same size jeans as last year. It’s to meet new and interesting people. It’s to keep a positive mindset and feel good about myself. If I continue what I’m doing then I have a good chance in achieving this.
Please, keep dreaming. Aspire in doing whatever you want in life. It really does keep the fire in the belly burning. But when it is time to form your plan of action in your life, be SMART.
Sometimes the little wins create huge, long term success. And so that is what I’m hoping is happening in the case of my oldest boys sleeping behaviour. A little win here and there.
The other night I meditated with him just before he went to sleep. Following the similar pattern which we have now done for a couple of weeks, we created a number of positive visualizations together to bring about a comforting night sleep.
The theme of this visualization was to imagine traveling along a big, white fluffy cloud with all of his friends and family which would take him to a mountain where he could peacefully dream. This mountain I called Mount Sleepmore.
As I guided him through his journey to this mountain, I too closed my eyes and imagined the forests, seas, rivers and sand below. Above me I could see the twinkling of the stars. It was calm and serene as this great big cloud chugged along the night sky taking us to our peaceful mountain.
Usually, if the visualisation is working for me as the guide, I feel that it is being effective for the listener. The steady breathing and the stillness of the environment certainly indicated to me that it was working.
As we arrived at Mount Sleepmore, I left my son to continue his visualisations by reassuring him that, although the meditation was ending, his imagination could keep him in his happy place.
The next morning, he told us that he had had a bad dream through the night and thought about coming into our bedroom to sleep with us for comfort. But instead he tried to get back to sleep on his own, which he managed. I’m hoping that the techniques that he is acquiring are enabling him to comfort himself in these situations. If he can get back to Mount Sleepmore on his own, this is a big deal in his sleeping development.
However, it also proves that meditation doesn’t get rid of negative thoughts, bad dreams or worries. We cannot forget our daily tasks, the grind or our fears. These feel very real to us that can affect our lives greatly.
But it can help us to know how to respond to them. Through repetition and consistency, I believe that the power of the mind and positive mantras, visualisations and meditation can enable us to approach our difficulties in a much healthier way. It can alter the way we perceive ourselves and our environment. It can create a mindset that is able to deal with whatever curve ball is thrown at us.
I started by saying that it is the little wins that are vital. And each positive thought that you can express is the little wins. Finding a moment in your day to encourage these thoughts through meditation is a very useful way of doing it.
You can find your own Mount Sleepmore anywhere in your own imagination if you allow yourself the time to do it.
Never Give Up PT 