dreams – Never Give Up PT

Mount Sleepmore

Sometimes the little wins create huge, long term success. And so that is what I’m hoping is happening in the case of my oldest boys sleeping behaviour. A little win here and there.

The other night I meditated with him just before he went to sleep. Following the similar pattern which we have now done for a couple of weeks, we created a number of positive visualizations together to bring about a comforting night sleep.

The theme of this visualization was to imagine traveling along a big, white fluffy cloud with all of his friends and family which would take him to a mountain where he could peacefully dream. This mountain I called Mount Sleepmore.

As I guided him through his journey to this mountain, I too closed my eyes and imagined the forests, seas, rivers and sand below. Above me I could see the twinkling of the stars. It was calm and serene as this great big cloud chugged along the night sky taking us to our peaceful mountain.

Usually, if the visualisation is working for me as the guide, I feel that it is being effective for the listener. The steady breathing and the stillness of the environment certainly indicated to me that it was working.

As we arrived at Mount Sleepmore, I left my son to continue his visualisations by reassuring him that, although the meditation was ending, his imagination could keep him in his happy place.

The next morning, he told us that he had had a bad dream through the night and thought about coming into our bedroom to sleep with us for comfort. But instead he tried to get back to sleep on his own, which he managed. I’m hoping that the techniques that he is acquiring are enabling him to comfort himself in these situations. If he can get back to Mount Sleepmore on his own, this is a big deal in his sleeping development.

However, it also proves that meditation doesn’t get rid of negative thoughts, bad dreams or worries. We cannot forget our daily tasks, the grind or our fears. These feel very real to us that can affect our lives greatly.

But it can help us to know how to respond to them. Through repetition and consistency, I believe that the power of the mind and positive mantras, visualisations and meditation can enable us to approach our difficulties in a much healthier way. It can alter the way we perceive ourselves and our environment. It can create a mindset that is able to deal with whatever curve ball is thrown at us.

I started by saying that it is the little wins that are vital. And each positive thought that you can express is the little wins. Finding a moment in your day to encourage these thoughts through meditation is a very useful way of doing it.

You can find your own Mount Sleepmore anywhere in your own imagination if you allow yourself the time to do it.

I wonder if he’s at Mount Sleepmore yet.

They Told Me I Couldn’t

Let me start with a quote from the movie The Pursuit Of Happiness. Smith’s character says to his child…

“Don’t ever let someone tell you that you can’t do something. Not even me. You got a dream, you’ve gotta protect it. When people can’t do something themselves, they’re gonna tell you that you can’t do it. You want something, go get it. Period.”

And whether they mean it or not, it is quite often those closest to you who are the ones who might be holding you back. They’re giving you your limitations. Smith’s character even warned his child, “Not even me.” Parents, partners, friends. They’re all capable of telling you that you’re not able enough.

But don’t blame them. Certainly not if they are misguided. We are all guilty of blocking a loved one’s ambitions. Just realize that every time they tell you that you can’t, they’re just showing their limitations, not yours.

However, you should try to surround yourself with as many people who tell you that YOU CAN as much as possible. My wife and I seem to work well at this. She knew that I was desperately unhappy in my previous career and, even though it meant less income and with a new born baby, she allowed me to follow my dreams of becoming a Personal Trainer.

Likewise, after being a stay at home mum for our two children for a few years, I encouraged her to go to college to qualify as a Massage Therapist. Financially it became a challenge, but we could develop a lifestyle that worked for our family and it made us happier.

Now, we are telling each other every day that we can take our business ventures to Portugal, despite some days the whole universe telling us that we can’t.

Along with the misguided people who don’t mean any harm, I can guarantee that you will have those people in your life who do. They will thrive off of your misery and failures. Yes, these are the toxic ones. Most of them won’t care about your problems and some will be even glad that you have them. Stay clear. These aren’t just the doubters, but these are the ones who will go out of their way to trip you up. They’ll look friendly, but I think that you know who they are. Insincere people are easy to detect.

So much of our success in life is determined by those we have around us. You need positive people to support you. As for the rest, just say to them, “You told me I couldn’t, so I made sure that I did.”

A Week Of Following Dreams

It’s 5pm. I’m gonna close the curtains now. The gloomy Scarborough sky made me do it. Ok, it’s still fairly light now that we’re in March, but I don’t fancy Joe Pesci peering in from the window while I’m home alone.

My wife would have a go at me if she knew that I had shut the curtains so early. There is, after all, another good hour of daylight to be had, but I’d rather watch The Chase without the world looking in. Or Joe Pesci.

It’s not strictly true that I’m home alone. I have my youngest with me. But having picked him up from school he went straight upstairs to put his headphones on and speak American to his mates on Fortnight. I occasionally hear occasional outbursts of “Bro! What?!” So I assume he’s ok.

My eldest boy is on a school trip this week. It’s a big deal for him as it is his first ever trip away from his family. I know that he was very nervous about it but I’m so proud of him that he decided to go. It’s all about creating experiences and memories after all.

And to complete one of the strangest weeks of my life, my wife is in Portugal this week to find us a house and open up a bank account. I remember when nipping into town on the bus with a quid to start a Barclays account was sufficient enough. In 15 years of being together it’s going to be the longest that we’ve been apart.

It is, of course, all in aid of our Portugal move and VISA application. We’re taking each step in our stride. There are many hurdles to cross yet, but we want it so much I believe in the process. We’re following our dreams and, as the saying goes, if you want your dreams to come true the first thing you must do is wake up. We’re awake.

Unless my wife has a Shirley Valentine moment, what could go wrong? What a blog post that would be! How would I begin writing about fending off villains in my home with an iron while my wife sails off with Afonso?!!

My wife doesn’t think I know how to use the washing machine. And it’s true, my wife is in charge of washing the family’s clothes. But I am the designated dish washer operator. I’m good at that. But I do know how to use the washing machine, it’s just that I have visions of shrinking our work outfits, so I tend to stay away from it! My wife also asked me if she needed to cook some meals for me and our youngest while she was away. It’s a very nice offer, but our youngest hasn’t got the most varied tastes in food. I think I can manage beans on toast or chicken dippers.

So, there we go. The curtains are closed, the Chaser has just caught the team with 31 seconds to spare and I’m just about to look on YouTube to find out which compartment the detergent goes into. As a family, when we’re all together, we usually have a good routine going on. Yes, we sometimes bicker and it all gets a bit hectic now and again. But it’s our bickering. It’s our hectic. It’s our life and we’re happy. But sacrifices have to be made when you follow your dreams. They’re not meant to be easy to catch.

So having my wife and eldest son back will be nice. In the meantime though, my youngest will keep me company and, if I’m lucky, he’ll give me one of his chicken dippers.

The Monster On The Stairs

The young teenage me needed a pee. I was home alone in my parent’s house as I sat in the living room crossing my legs and uncomfortably shuffling as the feeling in my bladder intensified. It was early evening and the sun was going down but the lamp lit the living room adequately. Outside of the living room door, however, I imagined darkness. The dark hallway leading up to the dark stair case where I needed to climb to reach the dark first floor to enter the dark bathroom to pee. I could wait no longer. The spine tingling feeling of being chased as I scramble up the stair case was about to happen.

Opening the living room door presented me with nothing like I imagined. The dusky evening still provided some light and nothing like the pitch black in my head, but every light switch, barring the kitchen switch which was further away, went on anyway including the stair case and upstairs lights. I knew, though, that the light has never stopped the monster from chasing me up the stairs before. It’ll be back again.

I walked along the hallway towards the stairs, glancing behind me to make sure that no piercing eyes were peering at me from beyond the kitchen door left slightly ajar. Nothing. So where was it? I gulped and took my first step onto the stairs. As was my usual routine I picked out a jolly song to mutter as I slowly took my second step. I began to check through my peripheral vision to see if a whispy hand was reaching out for ankles. My song had gone. Adrenaline started to take over. The natural fight or flight feeling was beginning to peak. Each step became quicker and quicker until I could feel it breathing onto my neck…..

I ran, fell, scurried, jumped through the other 20 steps to reach the top! I turned and…nothing. The stairs were empty. I had escaped the monster on the stairs once more. ‘It’ll be back’, I thought as I caught my breath and had my pee at last. Going back down the stairs? Well, that was always a breeze.

Has anybody else ever had this feeling? I know adults who I have spoken to who say they still get this feeling sometimes. My boys at 5 and 8 are experiencing it now and I can only imagine that it comes from an anxious place.

I haven’t experienced this since my mid teens and I guess it would’ve been around the time that I decided that ghosts, spirits and Gods (good or bad) didn’t exist to me. Perhaps if I knew in my mind that no supernatural powers were at play then it couldn’t possibly be that. And I knew that an actor called Robert Englund dressed up to become Freddie Krueger and at the time of my life I started to watch A Nightmare On Elm Street and other horror movies I was able to separate fake and reality. I can no longer fear something that I don’t believe in or if I know it to be an act in the case of a movie.

Last night my eldest asked me what I was scared of. I find this such a tough question. I ask myself this question often too. I told him anything that takes me out of my own control scares me. I gave rollercoasters as an example but in my head the real example would be to lose somebody close to me or for me to die and leave them behind to grieve. Death doesn’t scare me, but thinking of those having to deal with my death terrifies me.

My son goes to a religious school and, as I mentioned in a previous blog, I respect his beliefs in a God. We have regular discussions and I never dismiss his beliefs just because they are different to my own. Coming up to Easter is a tough time for him as he learns about Jesus on the cross. Him playing Fornite has nothing on the graphic stories he is taught at school. He cares about Jesus and I love him and admire him even more for his extension of love that he gives to others. And for such a caring child I really wish he hadn’t have had to hear the stories of Covid, Afghanistan and Ukraine in the past couple of years. But they are our reality. We took him and his younger brother to the local charity where they were sorting clothes for the Afghanistan refugees and he helped a refugee boy in his class settle in.

There’s lots of reasons for kids and adults to be anxious about and, whatever the monster on the stairs is, seems to be a manifestation of this. It would be interesting to know your experiences of this whether in childhood or as an adult. Is it a thing that most of us experience? Because sooner or later, we’ve all got to pee!