Tag Archives: depression

Fail Better

As a kid I had this unhealthy attitude towards winning and losing. Losing to me was failure. I hated it. But then winning didn’t feel like the best thing in the world either. It felt ok but the negative emotions that I felt during defeat was far stronger than the emotions I had at winning. For years, I was a sore loser.

It didn’t help matters that I also found it difficult to get over a defeat that was out of my control. When the football club that I supported lost it could easily spoil a weekend. So supporting Liverpool in the 90’s gave me many miserable weekends.

Without realising until I was much older I now look back at my old self and wonder what opportunities I missed out on, just in case I failed. Did I not study hard enough during my GCSE years because of the hurt I would put myself through if I didn’t get the grades I wanted? Did I avoid wanting to be noticed at football so that I never had to be told that I wasn’t good enough? Did I miss out on job interviews or promotions because I didn’t want to be judged and told ‘no’? I’m sure many of us reading this can relate to how our younger selves handled these types of situations.

I’m determined for my kids not to go through the same turmoil as me. I want them to succeed in life therefore I need them to fail sometimes. I now know that the biggest learning curve is when you are having to deal with disappointment. Rather than be scared of failure, I want them to appreciate that it happens. It will be inevitable at some stage. Winning is good, but knowing how to do it after bouncing back from defeat is even better. If they can learn to manage their feelings of failure and know how to put it right now, their path to success is much smoother in later life.

In my career I have spoken to people who still sound like they hold that fear and cannot handle disappointed.

“I’d never go to the gym so there’s no point in getting a membership.”

“I’ve got a bad back so I can’t lift weights.”

“My doctor says I need to lose weight but I like eating XYZ too much.”

“I haven’t got time.”

These are all examples of excusing themselves in order to avoid disappointment. And the truth is that they will have had a gym membership before and they will have tried to diet, but their fear of not seeing results has made them quit.

The results are a big problem. We put events in our lives as either success or failure. Did I fail at English GCSE because I got B/B instead of A? Did I fail at football because I was scouted by Leeds City Boys instead of Leeds United? Did I fail in my job because I made a senior instead of managing the whole facility?

I have achieved many things but perhaps sometimes I expected too much too soon which put greater pressure on me. And much like the people I speak to, their expectations are too high. It seems easier to quit than to manage such extreme goals. Their comfort zone of not trying anymore feels safer than having to face defeat.

And yet, actually, there is no defeat as long as they have a plan, stick to it and trust the process. Results worth getting cannot happen in an instant. It does take time and it can be difficult. Sometimes, even feeling like they’ve failed will be there. It has to be there as part of the process. But that’s only because they are human and no matter what successes they have along the way it will always be the one setback that stirs the emotions the most. Using that setback as a springboard to further success is the key. Fail better.

Perhaps Dr Seuss says it best…

“Wherever you fly, you’ll be the best. Wherever you go, you will topple all the rest. Except when you don’t, because sometimes you won’t.”

Be Smart

It is totally understandable that a potential client tells me that their weight loss goal is (in this example) 15kg. It is their responsibility to tell me their ultimate goals.

But, in turn, it is also my responsibility as a PT to tell them that their immediate goal is to lose 1kg. It is my job to enable sensible (SMART) targets that are more achievable to them.

Specific to the client’s goals. Tracked to ensure Measurable outcomes. Attainable and realistic. Relevant fitness levels and lifestyle and setting a Time for each milestone.

It is said that 1kg of weight per week is a healthy amount to lose. Therefore, potentially one could lose 15kg in 15 weeks. However, focussing on the bigger numbers becomes a much more daunting prospect than focussing on the very first number. Weight loss is psychological.

What do I achieve from telling people “calories in/calories out”? This is just touching base with the facts. But ultimately it needs a psychological shift for it to become a success. Certain lifestyle changes need to happen. And a lifestyle can’t be changed in a week, but a 1kg weight loss can. Before we know it, week by week, positive lifestyle affirmations take place without any pain, restrictions or resentment and we get to 15 weeks. I allow for wiggle room. 2kg either way. We get a lifestyle change and a successful weight loss programme.

The picture below is of a bride to be who wanted to lose weight before her big day. We had 6 months to achieve her goal. Instead of thinking of a weight that she wanted to lose I asked her to improve her strength, stamina, posture and technique in the gym. I gave her little tweaks to her diet so her choices were healthier but she could still enjoy seeing her friends for an evening without feeling restricted on what she could eat and drink. She became more confident each week as she developed a routine around her busy home and work life and pretty much forgot about the numbers. She knew that she felt great and was getting stronger both physically and mentally. It became more than just numbers on a scale. As she walked down the aisle nobody would see a number. Just a strong, confident woman. I took care of the numbers so she didn’t have to.

She deserved more than to be a number and just giving numbers as targets would not do her or her big event justice and nor would it provide a lifestyle change that would promote adherence beyond that. Numbers provide analytics and statistics whilst action provides change. Saying that you would like to lose 2 and a half stone means nothing without a plan. I want a week in the south of France but it won’t happen without planning it.

The truth is that I have seen so many people lose weight only to put it back on. I suspect that they eventually reached a target with great willpower and motivation and that is credit to them. But willpower and motivation are fleeting emotions that last just weeks, days and sometimes only hours. Never rely on them. Emotions can become extremely strong and can work in your favour but are equally just as strong and potentially destructive. Emotional eating plays a huge part in weight gain. Exhaustion, loneliness, stress, depression are all factors is why we choose the comfort of food. Daily weigh ins are bound to add to your irrational emotional side.

The target I give to my clients of 1kg is meeting them half way. The scales are so ingrained in our culture that I don’t recommend cold turkey if they are not prepared to ditch them immediately. Perhaps one day they will like my client in the picture above, but I need to understand that it isn’t so easy for everyone. There is no point in me making demands that aren’t yet achievable to a client (SMART) so that is why I put the 1kg target in place. After all the weighing scales can be a tool in assessing progress for some people, albeit a small one.

So whatever weight loss goal you are targeting, make sure of that first 1kg and then you can start thinking about the next 1kg. Be SMART.

Scapegoating

My job as a PT is made much easier from me having the experiences of many of my clients. I’ve got the qualifications but what really allows me to guide my clients is my ability to delve into my own past and draw parallels with them. Along with the many coaches that I have worked with in the past, I also became pretty good at coaching myself.

I have had the anxieties about my body. Am I too skinny? Am I too fat? I need more muscle to be accepted. I need to eat better but I like kebabs after a few pints. Should I try fasting? My friends inject steroids so I should do the same? I want results but can’t be bothered to workout this week. I might as well give up on my goals.

I have felt almost every emotion there is when it comes to my training and my eating habits and I still keep finding new things out about myself and my personality. Perhaps the journey is meant to keep surprising us all. But now, if it is a negative discovery or a challenging one I am now confident in knowing how to solve it.

One particular challenge seems to be one that I hear from people that I speak to often. We seem to choose a relatively harmless food to scapegoat. I’ve thrown certain foods into the wilderness, too, so i can empathize.

When we are deciding what we can or can’t eat  during a diet we go through a process which is often a distorted version of reality. This presents an exaggerated response or conclusion. Therefore, the reason that you are over weight must be because of the banana that you eat every day. The issue has been simplified to suit your case. The banana has been demonized because it is easier to do than focus on your alcohol intake or the amount of fast food you eat each week.

Fruit can get a bad rap at the best of times because it is high in sugar and I also made the arguement to myself that the apple, grapes, the banana I ate each day was the cause of unwanted weight gain. I didn’t want the copious amounts of beer and takeaways on the weekend to be the issue. I sacrificed the fruit. The fruit didn’t impinge on my lifestyle. Had I addressed my drinking and fast food choices, it certainly would have done.

The truth is the reason for my weight gain wasn’t the banana at all and nor was it the drink or takeaways. I realized that no food was the enemy. It was me and how I abused food that was the real issue. Having a drink with friends or a fast food meal didn’t have to stop. A daily banana didn’t either, of course. But it was the amount of food and drink that I was consuming that had caused weight gain. If I consistently put more calories into my body than I needed each week then I would see a slow increase in my weight.

Every successful client of mine will still enjoy a slice of cake with friends or a beer in the pub. Occasionally, they might have an unplanned event within their day which meant they had to ‘grab and go’ at their local Gregg’s or chippy and they’re doing it guilt free. Because what surrounds all of these acts are accountability, hard work and a positive relationship with food.

You don’t need to scapegoat a banana. Instead of blaming a banana at a 100 calories, see how you can make positive steps in reducing your overall daily calories to suit your goals. When you start banning foods you have an unhealthy attitude to ‘good’ foods and ‘bad’ foods. You beging to resent the process and often resent yourself for sometimes choosing the ‘bad’ food. This leads to further depression about your weight and binge eating due to your ‘failures’.

Choose a banana, just not the whole bunch. Choose a slice of cake, but not the whole cake. Choose fish and chips, pizza, apple, water, choose loads of veg with as many meals as possible. Choose a cheese sandwich on white bread but don’t use the whole loaf or block of cheese, choose a chocolate but not the whole tin and choose a beer, just not the whole keg. Choose life.

GABA

It’s pleasing to get the feedback from my client’s workout whether it be an online programme or in a 1-1 session. This morning was no exception. The message I received from a trainee 5 minutes after a 1-1 session was “that was much better than a bottle of wine”.

It’s great to know that my trainees are enjoying their workouts. After all, if we enjoy it we are more likely to create a consistent routine regarding our fitness and meet targets. And the science doesn’t lie when it comes to exercise. People enjoy the effects of it for a reason.

Even after 20 minutes of vigorous physical activity the brain releases a stress hormone called Gamma Aminobutyric Acid (GABA) which promotes relaxation, sleep and triggers seratonin production. The ‘feel good’ chemical dopamine is also released. Indeed, the comparison with wine is ironic in that alcohol will do the exact opposite and actually inhibits these chemicals from doing their job.

The physical benefits of exercise has been well documented since time began. But I believe that if we entered a fitness programme with our mental health as the priority then our physical needs would be met too. For example, other than a possible sarcoplasmic pump after resistance training, your body will not develope from just one workout. It needs several weeks, months and years to achieve muscle gains, better movement or sustainable fat loss along with balanced nutrition to accompany your goals. However, just 20 minutes of a fast walk, a run, a HIIT routine, spin class, jumping up and down or even sex can produce the chemicals and hormones in your brain that can make you feel calm, relaxed, happy and energised. Add these 20 minutes up and by the end of the week not only have you got a brain that is producing GABA at the rate of a Nestlé factory making chocolates but you are also enabling huge contributions towards your physical goals too.

And talking of chocolate. It’s main ingredients in dark chocolate especially is cocao which has large quantities of natural GABA. I don’t ban foods for my trainees. Together we will talk about their nutrition and find ways of improving things in keeping with their goals. I want happy trainees therefore chocolate stays in the menu! And GABA is also found in cruciferous veg such as broccoli and kale, so as long as there’s plenty of that on your plate then a bit of chocolate to sweeten the palate is not going to break your goals.

The bottom line is this… exercise can be the hardest thing to begin. You are tired and a workout is the last thing you want to do after a hard day at work or with the kids. Working out at home is a drag, you’re not motivated enough and a PT or the gym membership is too expensive. You can’t afford it. But when you look at the benefits of what it can do for you both physically and mentally, can you afford not to?

Shall We Pull The Big Sofa Out?

My wife and I are both self employed in jobs that require us to work all sorts of different hours from week to week. Sometimes I have a morning free or my wife does but very rarely is it at the same time. Whether it’s on our own or together we always manage to have a good old clean and tidy of the house whilst the kids are at school. Tidying up is difficult at weekends as no sooner have we picked up an odd sock here and a crisp packet there we look behind us again to find a whole new bundle of mess left behind by the kids. We get them to help out and are teaching them to clean up after themselves, but it’s a work in progress.

https://www.trainerize.me/profile/nevergiveup2/?planGUI

Today my wife and I had the opportunity to have a tidy up together. These are the most productive of tidying days. I have been known to to vac around a TV remote before. Under my wife’s watchful eye not only would the TV remote get picked up but it would get a polish too!

Starting in different rooms from each other we set about tidying, vacuuming, polishing and collecting a bag of stuff each to be taken to the charity shop all while shouting the answers out to each other on Ken Bruce’s Pop Master. I could have sworn that Irma Thomas was the first to record ‘Time Is In My Side’ but other than that I proved that I could get stuff done and be quite the Pop Master. I was multi tasking!

And it has to happen every now and again, every few months anyway, where we turn to each other and say, “Shall we pull the big sofa out?”

This is the ultimate deep clean day when this happens. The big sofa is where the kids watch movies, play computer games, snack, lounge about on duvet days and where they decide to change out of their football kits after playing on a muddy pitch. Oh yes, the day had arrived. The big sofa was getting pulled out to see what had managed to get kicked underneath it and spilled down the back of it.

We could’ve left it until another day. Our simple task of dusting and polishing while throwing a few Mick Jagger shapes to the radio could’ve been over but shit just got serious. I rolled my sleeves up and took a deep breath as my wife grabbed one end and me the other. The big sofa was getting pulled out. Slowly, as we pulled, little by little we began to see underneath. A few marbles covered in dust. Two ping pong balls. I wondered where they’d got to. And finally, with the big sofa in the middle of the room, we saw to the full extent our work for the remainder of the day.

Crisps, sweets, wrappers, random Lego bits, crayons, a colouring book, fluff balls, half eaten bread sticks, pens, pencils, a few scattered cards from the game Dobble, a jigsaw piece from a Star Wars puzzle which meant Kylo Ren’s face hadn’t been completed all year, there were chewed up pen lids, a wallet with nothing in it worst luck, a twig, a shell from the beach and an A4 sized drawing of Big Bird from Seseme Street (or Homer Simpson, I could never tell at the time) carefully drawn by my youngest. All with a coating of dust.

Once we had picked it all up, washed and put it all back in it’s rightful places we began to clean the skirting boards, vac and mop the floor. We sat on the big sofa, still situated in the middle of the room as we let the floor dry, and gave a satisfied nod to each other. The big sofa job had been done.

When I sit in a room in our house I like to see things in place. Tidy and clean. We’re not obsessive cleaners as my big sofa tale can confirm, but we like to live in a clean and tidy environment. I knew big sofa day was approaching. I couldn’t see it, but my brain was telling me that I’d best take a look.

Perhaps we all have a part of our house that can make you feel loads better once you’ve done a bit of sorting with it. The garage, loft, the fridge or freezer, the tops of the kitchen units, under the bed or back of the wardrobe. It’s not areas we see every day and, no matter how well we try to keep on top of stuff, there’s always an area that needs the ‘rolled up sleeves’ moment. We don’t always see it, but we know it’s there. And when it is done it can feel like quite an accomplishment.

My head told me that today was big sofa day and sometimes my head tells me it is actually my head that needs the deep clean. A moment where I can declutter the stuff that begins to collect worries in there. I find the best way to take this on is to tackle the small tasks first. Once I find a routine in dealing with the little things in life, the big things can be challenged much better. Like a game of Whack-a-Mole, I find a groove that I can work with.

Had I woken up this morning thinking about the big sofa I don’t think I would have got as much done, but because I started by polishing a remote control the big sofa job became easier. I created a momentum that enabled me to be productive to the point that the greater issue was just another job to complete.

My worries are like the stuff that get stuck under the sofa. They are there and I know they are there. I can watch a full episode of The Chase and take no notice of it at all because the missing jigsaw piece is swirling around in my cluttered mind. I know where it might be but to challenge it will uncover a whole host of other bits of crap to deal with. But I know that if I can make that first step and ‘pull the big sofa out’ not only will I be able to deal with the crap but there’s a real good chance I can find that missing jigsaw piece too.

And now my sitting room and my head, at least for now, are clutter free.

The Reset Button

As I chatted to a fellow football dad this evening we got on to discussing the tipple we would be going back to. Although not essential to this story I can confirm that mine is a red wine and my new bezzie’s drink would be a gin & tonic.

Anyway, I told him that my wife and I had a dry January and we also appreciated a sober October. He had a dry February as it is the shortest month to endure. Hmm, clever I thought. I must remember that for next year.

What we both agreed on is that it is important to reset the body and mind from time to time from going ‘off piste’ so to speak. What was keeping an alcoholic drink just for the weekend becomes a Wednesday ‘midweek’ drink too. If the football is on then I would pour a glass for the occasion. In fact, before you know it, anything becomes an occasion! I’m sure at one point during lockdown my wife and I celebrated me taking the bins out with a chateau pape de neuf.

Maybe we can all identify times in our lives where we need to press the reset button. A chance where we can readdress our mindset and take a deep breath before we go again. In this past week, every evening I have intentionally put Come Dine With Me on TV at around 10pm so that I can see something fun and throwaway before I go to bed rather than watch the news. I’m not ignorant and I care about world events, but sometimes it gets too much and I need to reset my mind and turn off. I’m lucky, I know, that I live in relative peace where I can switch off and others can’t.

Every day during lockdowns I would look for the news that would give me the new death toll from Covid. It gets depressing. Eventually I had to try and find head space for other stuff to fill my head. And just for a couple of weeks banana bread, tik tok and Miranda became my reset buttons.

Sometimes, even if it is something that you either enjoy doing or feel compelled to do, if it can become detrimental to your physical or mental health, walking away from it for a short time to to gather yourself can press the reset button.

You are not restricting yourself, you are not abandoning anything, you are not uncaring. You are just taking a time out.

Just One Stomach Flu Away…

Do you recognize the title?

The line ‘I’m just one stomach flu away from my goal weight’ comes from the movie The Devil Wears Prada. Its a most excellent film.

The line comes from the fact that the character believes she will hit her goal weight from either vomiting or not eating. It is true she will lose weight, but this will only be temporary. So here’s what we know…

The National Science Teachers Association in the USA use this line to teach about biology and body image. This is because it is one of the biggest false beliefs amongst dieters and for those with eating disorders such as bulemia.

When we become ill with a stomach bug our body’s need to try to eliminate the virus so we begin to vomit or have diarrhea. Everything we lose during this illness, which usually lasts 24 to 48 hours, is fluid. Your body, at this stage, has no desire to lose fat. In fact only when we begin to be more active and are eating again will the body want to lose fat.

The line in the movie was funny and in context with the story, but it amazes me how many people I speak to who also get bodily fluid and fat confused. Indeed, hitting a target weight is hitting a target weight however it is achieved, but I feel that it is important to understand what it is we are losing from our body’s to meet this goal.

Just like a car, you need to put fuel into a car to make the car move. To move it uses up the fuel that has been put into it. Your body goes through the same process and, perhaps we could take the analogy a little further. When we speed up, travel for longer distances or carry more passengers in a car it takes more fuel from the tank. In today’s fuel prices I’m not sure that this is what you want to be doing, yet it is exactly what we need to do to burn fat.

Of course your body is much more complex than a car and how much fuel (calories) you put into your body and how much fuel you use throughout the day is difficult to measure. You don’t have a fuel gauge. However, a sensible approach to calorie and macro counting can be useful for a short time until you develop a consistent routine with your nutrition. This enables you to identify what and how much you should be eating to meet your goals and, yes, if you enjoy chocolate, a glass of wine and eating out that should be allowed too! But if you have never counted then how will you know how much of it fits in with your goals? I wouldn’t try to fit a carpet if I hadn’t measured the floor first.

We often mistake our fitness abilities with the numbers on the scales. If we see those numbers as a secondary issue and focus firstly on our ability to move better, walk and run further, lift and push heavier and accompany this with a balanced diet, then you will soon get the numbers on the scales anyway. But to focus on the scales first and your fitness secondary will leave you like a hamster on a wheel occasionally coming off to nibble on a carrot. Take on an exercise routine that you enjoy, choose meals that are nutrient dense and allow for the foods that are not as nutritious within your daily calories and work with a professional for accountability. Get off of the hamster wheel.

Losing weight is absolutely fine as a goal if that is what you want to do, but it’s the finer details that are what actually accomplishes this goal. Going to the toilet, being ill or even sweating only means that you have lost water from your body which will replenish again when your body has recovered. Hitting a target weight should be due to a commitment of a healthier, enjoyable lifestyle that enables you to see past the weighing scales.

Your challenges and targets should be fun, not one that depends on you getting ill to achieve it.

A Place In The Sun

Derek and Joan love Spain. So much so they’ve just put an offer in for an apartment in Andalusia situated at a purpose built community for British ex pats. They sit outside in the plaza at the local Irish pub eyeing up the fish and chips on the menu waiting for the call back from the estate agent, Juan, with some good news.

My wife and I are watching A Place In The Sun. There’s a hint of jealousy towards Derek and Joan. It’s almost April and despite a couple of days where I ventured out in a T-Shirt last week, it is now snowing.

I have a coat that I threaten to pack away into the loft each year around this time but it certainly got an outing today as I went to take the kids to school. No exaggeration it could be 20 years old or more. I bought it when I thought I could get away with the Liam Gallagher look. Now when I wear it I feel like Peter Falk as Columbo. Old and disheveled. Every time I wear it I find a different pack of rizzlas from the early 2000’s.

Although no official diagnosis I’m certain I have SAD (Seasonal Adjustment Disorder). But maybe I just hate cold weather. I mean, I don’t suffer with my mood when it turns from Spring into Summer. I just suffer from being warm to bloody freezing!

Some people like winter time and the events that happen during that time. But trudging the streets in fake blood asking for sweets, burning the effigy of a man whilst eating toffee apple, hearing Noddy Holder scream those immortal words long before it’s Christmas or trying to stay awake for Jools Holland’s Hootenanny isn’t my favourite times of the year. Walking along a sunny beach, cranking up the BBQ and sitting in the garden watching the sun go down are a few of my favourite things which all happen to be during the summer time. In fact, the only negative I can think of to a British summer is that the footy season has ended. There’s always Wimbledon I suppose.

Without a doubt a massive mood lifter to me is going to the gym. Training has kept me right for years and I’ve stated many times I think that finding a life that focussed around the gym saved my life. I once felt aimless, useless and soulless. The gym made me feel the opposite. Until I became a husband and a father, the gym was my life line.

I did some growing up in the gym. I had many ‘give your head a wobble mate’ moments. In my first proper job I had to stop off at the shop to buy a couple of whisky miniatures to down before beginning my shift a few times. It was that or a panic attack. Slowly, however, the gym became a much bigger influence in my life than any quick hit.

I developed a routine over time which meant that I went to the gym before I started work. It meant extra early starts but I felt fantastic walking into the office and the rest of the day couldn’t bring me down. The gut wrenching feeling I sometimes had as I woke up was quickly quashed once I began to train. But there was always a telling sign to my mood each day and that was the weather. The colder and grey it was outside, the more difficult it was to snap out of a low mood. If the sun seeped through the bedroom curtains in a morning, the easier it was to start my day.

My little boys help me get through a bad weather day too. I’ll stand in the cold rain all day to see Jonas score a goal. And I’ll happily build a family of snow people with Finlay to see his chuffed freezing face at the end of it. Plus, their early morning starts and them needing me for breakfast and school prep ensures that I need to get my arse in gear straight away, whatever the weather!

The weather forecast doesn’t look like I’ll need to shove my Lieutenant Columbo coat into the loft just yet so I will brave the last bit of cold before I’m able to blow up the paddling pool.

Oh, and just one more thing…Derek and Joan had their bid accepted.

Will The Real PT Please Stand Up?!

Kerching!!

Did you hear that? That’s the sound of another cheap gym selling cheap Personal Training.

I’m not surprised that, what was once a list of PT friends on my Facebook page, are now calling themselves Lifestyle Coaches, Personal Coaches, Health & Wellbeing Coaches and Holistic Wellness Coaches. Anything that avoids the term Personal Trainer.

From my experience the nationwide gyms are exhausting the term Personal Trainer, employing people ‘in training’ towards their qualifications and charging the gym member a small fee whilst paying their PT minimum wage. The experienced and savvy PT rarely charges by the hour, instead setting a price per week that includes session planning for the hour and other physical activities for their client throughout the week, messages and calls, nutritional guidances and (where necessary) emotional support. This means that their prices are higher than what the gym offers.

Sometimes I pop into the Poundshop to buy a dustpan and brush. Cheap and cheerful can be good! I’ll only be sweeping up guinea pig poo with it. It might not last too long, but hey, it’s a quid! But if I’m going to the gym because my doctor tells me I’m obese or because my sciatica is keeping me awake all night, cheap and cheerful isn’t good. Poundshop PT isn’t good.

It’s no wonder that many fitness professionals are staying clear from the PT tag.

It would be a very short PT session if I told someone how to lose weight. Eat less, move more is essentially what it entails. And I use weight loss as the example because around 80% of people who come to me have that goal. I’d gladly give that advice for free, I’d find a different career and the UK would be full of men with their shirts off in summer drizzling half a bottle of cooking oil on their six packs. But it’s much more complex than just eating less and moving more.

Even Sandra, who is shamed every week for not hitting her target at Weight Watchers knows this. Don’t you think she would be losing weight if it was so simple as eating less and moving more? She feels unsupported and frustrated going to an outdated dieting institution so she joins the gym and they offer her PT for £12 an hour. They sit her on an ab crunch machine and tell her to cut out every single bit of food that becomes comforting during her low times. The cycle continues.

Personal training should be the occasional call or message during the week asking how your client is. It should be giving advice on different ingredients and recipes to try. It should be about advice on how to schedule extra time for themselves away from the kids and work. It should be about creating accountability, setting achievable goals, producing consistent and relevant workouts, making exercise fun and being the one face in the gym your client can rely on.

Calling myself anything other than a Personal Trainer takes me away from the absolute joy of seeing a client accomplish their goal, whether it be a personal best or a longer term goal. Even online, when I get the bleep to inform me that another goal has been met I give a ‘yesss!’

It means a lot to my client so it means a lot to me.

I’ll never not be a Personal Trainer. So when I’m old and on my death bed put your ear to my mouth and you’ll hear my last breath be,”squats and deadlifts, squats and deadlifts”. And if you see Sandra, pass it on.

Between A Rock And A Hard Prince

This week on social media I have seen arguments about the Chris Rock and Will Smith incident. It seems there’s a Team Rock and a Team Smith thing going on. But I’ve tried to stay away from making comments myself because I am undecided and I’m not fully convinced that either of them look particularly great from this. But here’s my thoughts anyway…

Chris Rock told a pretty crap joke aimed at someone with alopecia. It wasn’t even funny. But then I am not the oracle on what is funny and what isn’t. Is comedy the same as any art? Subjective? Was Jimmy Carr’s Holocaust joke funny? I didn’t laugh, but others might.

Anyway, funny or not this joke was aimed at Will Smith’s wife who then felt obliged to give Rock a slap. I’ve told some crap (probably not politically correct) jokes in my time but I’ve also given somebody a slap for being insulting to me or my family. I’ve been Chris Rock AND Will Smith before. Maybe I haven’t been at the Oscars and my jokes or my aggression hasn’t been in front of the viewing world but for a split second I can put myself in both of their shoes.

I’m hearing so much about cancel culture these days and this does worry me. I grew up watching Love Thy Neighbour, Fawlty Towers, Rising Damp, Carry On and Only Fools And Horses. I had DVD’s of Chubby Brown as a teenager and I read Viz. They all discriminated against gender roles, race, religion, sex, wars and abilities. These days I prefer Ricky Gervais, who somehow escaped a slap at the Golden Globes and has spoken out about cancel culture himself. His series After Life is so innapropriate at times yet one of the most poignant things I have ever seen . A part of me wants to blush and turn to my wife and say “he can’t say that!” But in the next scene I’m tearing up at the sadness his character is going through.

Did Love Thy Neighbour make race relations in 1970’s UK better or worse? It wasn’t its role to educate it’s viewers but does it have a responsibility to do so either way?

Will Smith has probably sat in an audience listening to Chris Rock many times and laughed at someone else’s expense. Rock is hardly the type of comedian that will talk about his Nan’s cute catchphrases like Peter Kay. Rock is edgy and becoming a famous black American comedian in the 90’s at the same time as Will Smith becoming a famous black American actor I’m sure that they are aware of each other’s work. So does Smith usually laugh at Rock’s jokes but just not the ones involving his wife?

When does comedy become innapropriate? Yeah we have all heard of bad taste humour and we seem to be ok with that. But what if a joke is about the Holocaust, slavery, a religion or rape? When should it be cancelled? Should it ever be? With hash tag campaigns and voices that previously went unheard these days, there are certain topics that seem to be ‘no go’ areas when it comes to comedy. Yet Carr recently pushed it’s boundaries at a live gig recorded for Netflix.

And maybe it needs comedians like that who are willing to test these boundaries. If we see it as an act rather than a person speaking their opinions, then we can continue to discuss the seriousness of the subject matter. For as long as these topics are in the forefront of our minds, whether on stage at the Appolo or in Parliament, then we will keep having serious discussions on how to be a better society. Perhaps these comedians are actually, intentionally or not, becoming the scapegoats. They receive the world’s attention and get paid for it and we disect their subject matter. Win/Win?!

I have no answers and that’s why I am not Team Rock or Team Smith, but perhaps it just comes down to a man doing his job as a comedian and a man doing his job as a husband. Even if they both did a bad job at them.