The next time you get a moment (and you should make sure that you do) just close your eyes and visualise yourself in an environment that you consider the most calming, tranquil place in the universe.
It could be standing by the sea or on a mountain top. You could imagine yourself sitting on a cloud or even a star. You could be in a safe place with a loved one. Anywhere at all.
And then breathe these images from your mind deeply into your lungs. Let them fill your body right down to your toes.
This is a form of meditation. So many people tell me that they can’t meditate or don’t know how to. Perhaps for some they might feel a bit silly. They think of sitting cross legged, humming, chanting and emptying your mind or turning off your senses. And yet it doesn’t have to be that at all. It’s just about taking a moment.
My favourite images when I close my eyes are of the sun’s rays shining through the branches of a tree. The rays gently dance around as the dappled light warms my thoughts.
The scientific term for this light is called Crepuscular rays and the Japanese call it Komorebi, which is made up of the Kanji characters for tree, shine through and sun.
I like the Japanese description, but many great poets have attempted to describe this beautiful pure and spontaneous natural pleasure. Gerard Manley Hopkins called it Shivelight and wrote about…”the lances of sunlight that pierce the canopy of a wood.”
CS Lewis wrote…”Any patch of sunlight in a wood will show you something about the sun which you could never get from reading books on astronomy.”
I agree.
And as wonderful as it is to see this in real life, it also exists in my head. Just by closing my eyes and taking a step back from the 100 miles an hour daily life, I can be anywhere and see anything that I like.
Now take a moment. Close your eyes. Breath. And discover what you can find.
It seems that it doesn’t really matter who you are, you will, at some stage in your life, compare yourself and your abilities to someone else. This leads to us wanting what somebody else has.
It is totally natural and since our primate and then homo sapien descendants demonstrated, this need can evolve into producing more, working harder, becoming more creative and developing speech and the world around them.
So here we are.
This need, it could be argued, also leads to greed, destruction, war and division.
And as society needs to deal with this obsessive nature of ‘keeping up with the Joneses’ we as individuals need to take a long hard look at how we deal with this process.
Even now, I will walk into the gym and want to run as far as her. I want his hair style. I want the six pack and the teeth and shoulders and their ability to tell a joke and make people laugh. I want the tattooed sleeve.
I will watch in admiration as they push a 150k bar, but I might end my thought with ‘I wish I could lift that much weight’. I truly admire other people’s abilities and, as part of my job as a PT, I help in people reaching such great abilities. But as human nature as it, sometimes I want it too.
But whilst the evolution from primate to homo took billions of years, we want it now, today.
A book that was brought to my attention recently called The Boy, The Mole, The Fox And The Horse said,’What do you think is the biggest waste of time’, asked the boy. ‘Comparing yourself to others.’ Replied the mole.
Patiently watching and learning from others can be a wonderful attribute to have. But comparing yourself to others can be damaging and, as the mole quite rightly puts it… it’s a waste of time.
The difference between learning and comparing is massive. It’s the difference between peace and war. For you personally, it’s the difference between self love and self loathing.
So take a look in the mirror at yourself. The beautiful, intelligent you. And keep being you. Nobody else.
I’m already starting to see the frustration in many newcomers to the gym that I train at. Their new years resolution and ‘new year, new start’ good intentions are beginning to wobble already.
This isn’t new. Professionally I’ve witnessed this for 10 years and personally for almost 30 years. The average person who begins a fitness journey generally calls it a day before they’ve had a chance to make any serious impact on their health, fitness or aesthetics.
Why?
My theory is that restricting oneself to a set date can be dull, uninspiring and demotivating if you simply are not ‘in the mood’ at that specific time. We cannot simply switch on and become something that we have not been for the past several months or years and in many cases, forever.
I use the term ‘catching the wave’ when it comes to specific life goals, be it in the gym or in general ambitions. Timing is important.
Catching the wave is an idiom that refers to taking advantage of a moment of good fortune or an occurrence in time and creating a sustainable, practical routine that can help you achieve your goals.
Riding the crest of this wave might not last forever, but because your memories of your successes are still fresh in your mind, you will find it much easier to catch the next wave. Much like the surfer, getting back onto the surf board after falling into the sea becomes much easier with practice.
But if we ignore the signs, most commonly our bodies and our minds, then all we have is a dreaded day in which we have to do something that we don’t really want to do.
Let’s take Jeremy as an example. He promised himself that he would join a gym on the second of January. He had never joined a gym before and, apart from the occasional 5 a side football game with his friends, had never been into a fitness centre at all.
But he had started to feel sluggish and lethargic. He couldn’t run with his young children or pick them up. His diet suffered due to the difficult cycle of feeling depressed because of his health and appearance so he comforted himself with food.
His new year’s resolution was to join the gym. The problem is that not only did the wave not come, he didn’t actually know how to catch it even if it had. After a few weeks of going to the gym and slogging out a few sessions a week he felt demoralised by not seeing any changes to his health or appearance and a few niggling injuries had started to occur. Jeremy became one of the many numbers of people who join the gym in January and don’t continue to go after February.
How to fix it!
As I have stated, a new year’s resolution gives a restrictive time frame. You must start at the beginning of a new year! Yet a few new tweaks towards a healthier outlook can, and should, happen at ANY time of year.
Rather than beginning a regime of a fad diet and 5 gym sessions a week, try starting by walking more. Research a few local areas that are popular for walkers and give them a go. It doesn’t have to be a full day of rambling. Just an hour will do.
Pick out a few of your favourite fruit and veg and start adding these to your plate more. These will add numerous nutritional benefits and create satiety, which allows you to feel fuller for longer. Also, making fruit and veg smoothies can help you get your required amounts if you don’t usually eat them in a meal.
Hire a PT. The feeling is that Personal Training can be a ‘no pain, no gain’ sort of attitude full of Burpees and just about everything else that is horrible. The reality is that a good PT, as long as you tell them that you are new to exercise, will give you advice similar to my first two points. Move a little bit more and add fruit and veg to your diet. If they go straight into Burpees then sack them. Also, PT can be done online these days which is cheaper. A good PT will get to know you and develop a routine for you that you enjoy and will even know when you are on the crest of a wave or if you’re in the sea!
And finally, to really find that wave, if you feel like doing it, just do it! Start saying yes to the 5 a side games more. Go for a walk or a run. Start swimming. Or just join the gym at any time of year!
You might find that one of these activities becomes a passion and something that really motivates you. Eventually , you find yourself riding a wave. And if you ever fall off, rather than wait until a new year, you’ll know how to get back on much easier, much sooner.
I am a Personal Trainer, meditation teacher, health and fitness blogger, husband and dad.
Even if Dick Dastardly were to be walking up the meat isle in Sainsbury’s and was asked by an elderly person to reach onto the top shelf for a pack of chicken liver for her he would have done it. It wasn’t a huge thing that I did for another person this morning, but I was there to help so I did. It made the lady smile and it made me smile. It gives me a fuzzy warm feeling inside to help someone.
Also this morning, I decided to declutter the side shelf that had managed to breed piles of paper and it was about time that I went through it all. It had been a while. Amongst the papers included was an unopened letter from my opticians from 2021 and a Christmas card sent to the previous owner of our house. I walk past this pile several times a day and just haven’t done anything about it in such a long time. Maybe it’s been so long I’ve just become blind to it. I should’ve gone to Specsavers.
Also nestled in this pile of papers was an A4 sized written message from our eldest son, Jonas. Now, talking of making people smile, he managed to do this for my wife and I with his lovely words of love and kindness. It read…
” Whoever gets this I just want you to know I love you, from Jonas.”
We don’t know when it was written, but it had obviously just got sucked into this pile of papers at some point. But this random act of kindness that can be read by me, his mum or his little brother was a very thoughtful thing to do.
And what a wonderful world we could live in if messages of love, acts of support or a simple smile at random people were commonplace. I do fear, however, that we haven’t got enough of it in our lives.
My wife and I have had a rare opportunity to be at home together whilst the kids are at school and sort stuff out such as piles of paper and food shopping. But another practice that we like to undertake from time to time is to cleanse the rooms in the house. We do this by using a singing bowl and palo santo. Burning palo santo wood in your home is called smudging and, with positive intentions provided by your thoughts or affirmations, will cleanse your home of negativity and allow the positive energy to enter.
I’m very much a science based person. I like to see the evidence of something before I can ‘believe’ in it. Yet I seem to be drawn to this 15th century South America tradition. And although I am not religious in any way, I do find many spiritual traditions helpful. Maybe sometimes we don’t need experiments, statistics or numbers to tell us if something works. We just need to feel it. And I do feel the power of palo santo and a singing bowl when it comes to cleansing my surroundings.
I’m trying to be less angry. I’m tired of being annoyed at other pedestrians and road users. I want to be more patient towards people. I’m desperate to hang around supermarket isles just so I can grab another item that had been out of the reach of a shorter person. I want to do random acts of kindness.
But I’m unable to do that if my home isn’t giving me positive vibes. And it isn’t about the annoying pile of papers that need to be sorted out. It’s about finding my home to be a happy place to be. It is where I raise my children, prepare my work and create aspirations with my wife. A home needs positivity.
So maybe we all need to take a look at how the Incas and an 8 year old can create a happier environment in our own homes. Think positively, speak positively, cleanse positively and write positively.
The act of congratulating one’s self might seem a little egotistical to some. And perhaps, like everything else, we can form opinions about stuff that only makes sense once we give a bit of context to each situation.
For example, the gym goer checking themselves out in the gym mirror can look like they’re being self absorbed or a ‘poser’. But what if they’re training for a bodybuilding competition and a part of their sport is to flex. Or even if they’re not training for competition, maybe they’re actually quite insecure about a certain part of their body and they want to admire themselves for a short time before the negative feelings about themselves come flooding back.
And I have met people who have tried ‘bigging’ themselves up by putting other people down. They will constantly tap away at your insecurities and laugh at your failures to cover up their own inadequacies. It is difficult, but being the better person and politely removing yourself from this type of person is the best thing to do in this situation. Like I say, it is difficult, as your reactions are often to start believing what they say to you or to give them a piece of your mind and insult them back. But remember, they’re possibly even more insecure than you, that’s why they do it.
Congratulating yourself can be done with humility. It can be done in private so you’re not being ‘showy’. And maybe you should give it a try.
Men of all ages (not just teenagers) grunt into the mirror as they flex their pecs like a WWE wrestler and women check their rears with their new jeans on and feel satisfied with the gym work they’ve done that week. That is a sure sign of congratulating one’s self and giving a well deserved pat on the back, but I’m thinking of something much deeper than that with a greater impact on our mindset and wellbeing. I’m talking about positive affirmations, mantras and reflection.
Sometimes it’s important just to stop and reflect on what you’ve achieved that day or week. Heck, if you have the time you can reflect on your achievements throughout your whole life!
Did you pass the exam and get a dream job? Did you stick to an exercise plan and reach a fitness goal? Have you done your best as a parent or partner? Did you make someone smile today?
If your answer is no to any of these, that’s fine, because now you have given an honest answer, doing it better tomorrow becomes a little easier. But to do things better I believe that affirmations are powerful tools. These are words and short sentences that you tell yourself and repeat them.
In the advertising industry, short sharp slogans are very popular. The most popular seem to be the three word slogans which are also adopted by politicians. Here are a few examples…
Just do it
Taste the rainbow
Build a wall
Get brexit done
I’m lovin’ it
Yes we can
Education, education, education
Take back control
Strong and stable
Maybe it’s Maybelline
Let’s go places
How many of those can you identify? They are memorable because they have a certain ring to them, almost like a chant. Indeed, Trump’s ‘Build a wall’ speech was chanted by himself and his followers. Whether you like the political ideology and the product or not, these slogans were/are very successful which have helped create huge brands with many voters and consumers alike. They were believed. They were punchy.
Now, let’s go back to you. If you gave yourself a moment each day, for example in the mornings, to repeat positive affirmations to yourself, do you think that this could work for you? Indeed, this precedes advertising slogans by thousands of years so it is most certainly working for somebody! My guess is that it worked so well for so many cultures and religions throughout the world for so long that a very clever advertising agent cottoned on to it too. And voilà. What was said over and over again became reality.
You might find it strange to come up with a phrase and repeat it to yourself. It might be uncomfortable at first. But you actually do it already without really acknowledging it. You make a judgement on whether you can reach the jar on the top shelf. You create dynamic risk assessments when crossing the road and driving a car. These daily routines are embedded into your life. Therefore the same affirmations are repeated over and over again.
“Yes, the road is clear,” is a typical example of this. You are confirming your belief that you can cross the road. So why not take a moment in your day to consciously go through your positive affirmations?
Phrases such as…
I am strong
I am confident
Today, I can do it
I am grateful
I will do
…can impact you so profoundly that you begin to believe. After all, you use self fulfilling prophecies to be negative about yourself all the time. Whether it’s how you look, how you act, what you’ve achieved. Imagine countering this negative thinking with “today I look good, I feel great, I am happy!”
Allow yourself the time to tell yourself these great and wonderful things about you. Yes, you. Just a moment in time where you tell yourself how fucking fantastic you are. Tell yourself daily. Make it as much of a priority as eating. Ensure that it becomes as natural as breathing. There’s no shame in telling yourself that you are a good person. It is not self indulgent to believe that you are an important person in other people’s lives and you are capable of great things to them and to you.
You just need to do one simple thing to make it be true. And that’s to keep telling yourself.
I am a Personal Trainer, Meditation Guide, a Cognitive Behavioural Therapist in Anxiety and I tell myself that I’m the luckiest man alive every day. Therefore I am.
When we reflect on our previous week, month and year, we will often find patterns to our behaviour. Some behaviours add to positive outcomes but some can be negative and impact us greatly. Indeed, the positive things might get unnoticed, while the negative stuff gets pushed to the front of our mind.
Currently residing in Scarborough, I’m holding personal training, meditation and CBT for anxiety sessions as well as remote coaching to create happier, healthier futures to children and adults.
Reflection is good. It will not only assist us in our own lives but it can be a welcome trait for those around us. I might snap at my wife or the kids, for example, but if I am capable of reflection then I can put things right, apologize and do better next time.
So how can reflection help with lifestyle changes in relation to your health and fitness goals? Well, it might surprise you that you do this all the time. You have the cognitive capacity to think, process and act on everything you do in your daily life. But how much of it sticks is usually where the problem lies. Sometimes we end up thinking about a hundred things at once. Our moments of reflection just whiz on by without us really being able to act on them. In the end, nothing gets done.
Unless, of course, reflection becomes a conscious act. As each day goes by, this act will become a subconscious habit. This habit can lead to better decision making.
Bestselling author John Maxwell perhaps says it best when he said, “You’ll never change your life until you change something you do daily. The secret to your success is found in your daily routine.”
Each day you are capable of finding the new norm. A lifestyle that you find fulfilling. It’s the little things that you can reflect on each day. Day by day, little by little, changes happen.
There’s a magic number of days that psychologists and lifestyle coaches often cite as the amount of time it takes to create a positive habit (or get rid of negative ones) and that is 28 days. After this time, research shows, we have trained ourselves to be consistent in our new behaviour.
And, as a Personal Trainer, I find the 28 day rule quite accurate in our approach to our health and fitness. You see, we think that we just need motivation to reach our goals. And whilst a burst of motivation can be helpful, we cannot rely on it. Motivation is a fleeting emotion. It doesn’t last 28 days. Therefore a little bit of strategy is needed.
To find your new norm, firstly you need to stop creating problems. They exist only in your head. If you find yourself doing this, call yourself out in it. Write the problem down if you need to with a set of solutions next to it. Do this daily.
Start a thought or mood diary. Never dismiss writing down your thoughts. This helps with reflection and it keeps you on track on the days that those bursts of motivation escapes you.
Plan ahead but don’t plan your year or your whole life. Just your week or the next day or two. Whatever feels comfortable. Again, write these plans down. It could be when you schedule your exercise times or plan a menu. Keep it where you can see it. As an online PT I keep all daily tasks on my app so that my trainees are alerted each day.
You have a new opportunity each day to change something that you don’t like and to add something positive and meaningful to your life. Act on these few ideas above and start today in finding a new norm.
Believe it or not, I’ve trained my brain to like this green stuff.
“Speak to your children as if they are the wisest, kindest most beautiful and magical humans on Earth. For what they believe, they will become.”
Jonas is an 8 year old boy. He lives with his younger brother Finlay, who is 6, and mum and dad. He lives in a house with a garden so he can play football, which he does often, and he has his own bedroom. His mum and dad work and have their own businesses, which can give them a little bit of freedom regarding setting their appointments around spending time as a family. It is considered a safe and loving environment.
Jonas is a quiet, timid boy. Yet this is perhaps not always recognized by adults that meet him for the first time. His smiley face and big curly hair can give the impression of a confident child. Plus, as a talented footballer, he can play with quite a swagger. It is easy to think of him as a relaxed, calm little boy.
For as long as his parents can remember, Jonas has always shown empathy to others. This can lead him to worry or to become concerned over matters out of his control. Since learning about events in the Bible, he gets very upset for Jesus at Easter time. And he won’t watch Home Alone at Christmas as he gets fearful of the bad men attacking the little boy. This has been a cause for poor nights sleep at times.
And then, just a few months after he turned six, Covid happened. The lockdowns turned this little boy’s world upside down. For the natural worrier, this event was a major setback. His parents too, like so many people, had to find ways to overcome this crisis that had never been encountered before. Unable to work, bills still arriving, concerned for elderly loved ones and with two children unable to see their friends, Jonas’ parents had to dig deep within their resources. They were, however, determined to keep some amount of stability in the most uncertain of times. As a family they would do the Joe Wicks morning workouts, watch BBC Bytesize to help with their children’s schoolwork and go for regular local walks.
But Jonas stopped responding to these daily tasks. He would take himself away for hours at a time to watch TV on his own. He wouldn’t talk about his feelings. A walk was met with a groan and even playing football in the garden rarely happened. His brother, Finlay, also became less motivated but, perhaps because of his younger age, he didn’t understand the magnitude of what he was living through. Jonas did. He overheard many times about ‘death counts’ on the news. Something that his parents would try to hide or mute, but being in the house together for months at a time it wasn’t always easy to keep the news and the daily updates and announcements away from listening ears. And as the laws kept changing in regards to bubbles and the like, his parents had to keep on top of the latest developments.
Eventually, Jonas developed a number of ticks that he couldn’t control. The one with the most impact was a throat clearing tick. He struggled to complete sentences due to his need to clear his throat and his sleep suffered further. This continued when he went back to school and his parents informed his teachers. Jonas’school has been amazing in dealing with the children’s anxieties. His parents are thankful for the school’s ongoing support. Jonas’ ticks still exist, but take on many different forms. His latest one, which is to smell his hand, is less intrusive to him and his classmates.
As has been outlined, Jonas is a very clever and thoughtful boy. He is very aware of his surroundings and the world in which he lives. Since the last lockdown, world events such as the trouble in Afghanistan and the problems in the Ukraine are concerning to him. He has welcomed lots of refugee children and he and his brother also volunteered at a Christian charity to sort out clothes for them. But these unsettling events have led to Jonas believing that any aircraft flying overhead might be going to war or are here to drop bombs. Armed forces day was a particularly tough day for him.
But his parents have always offered reassurance and allow Jonas to express his concerns. His parents are both in the health and wellbeing industry and understand the importance of talking about how we feel. Recently, they introduced meditation to their children. This seems to be a very successful tool for Jonas. Now, almost every night, Jonas requests a meditation guide before going to sleep. His parents have observed that his sleep has never been so good and he can now relax much easier throughout the day.
Jonas remains a little distant from his friends. He didn’t want to do Zoom calls during lockdowns, for example, and perhaps while his friends were still building on their relationships through staying in touch in this way, Jonas might have lost some ground in this area of development. He does seem, however, to be a well liked boy and doesn’t appear to have issues with any other child.
Jonas’ appetite for meditation comes from the empowering nature of the process. During his guided visualizations he has travelled on a cloud, rode on the back of a giant white bird, went to the moon on a space ship and played at the play park with his favourite teddies. Which child wouldn’t want to imagine these lovely thoughts? This process puts them as the central character of this wonderful story that they can develop themselves. They are in control and in a world where some of our children might feel that they have no control, or might feel sad or have worries, empowering them when we can might play a significantly positive part in their mental health, their character development and in their learning as it is for Jonas.
For those of you who are unaware, Jonas is my son. Jonas and Finlay are the most beautiful boys who are two well behaved children. Yes, they bicker, they don’t always tidy up after themselves, they don’t always follow instructions and they do all of the naughty things that you’d expect from 6 and 8 year olds. But they have good hearts and are very kind people.
Now is the time to start recognising our children’s needs. Sometimes we might just need to listen to them. Perhaps they just need a kind word of encouragement. But most of all we must provide a safe place, a sanctuary, in which they are able to open up and allow them to explore their feelings and emotions without them simmering deep inside. As with adults, blocking our emotions can be damaging. Imagine what a child goes through without their maturity to deal with perspective or a clear thought process to channel their feelings.
All of our children deserve to be given every opportunity to be happy. To live without constant fear. To have a safe environment in which to develop and learn. Jonas comes from a safe and stable home, but many children don’t. If we can give them just a small piece of tranquility, shouldn’t we do it?
Up and down the country parents are dealing with consoling their children who have just received their GCSE results today. There’s going to be some very happy households too. Many kids will have made their grades and will be able to put their plan A into place.
But for the kids that were like me at 16 it will feel like a lonely experience. Embarrassing too. Friends, cousins and jubilated kids on the news waving their bit of paper in the air all seemed to do better than me. I felt like a failure.
I even remember what I wore that day. It was my grunge stage at 16. Long hair, ripped jeans and an orange REM t-shirt from the Monster album. Grunge symbolised the anger, frustration and angst of those years. Listening to bands like Nirvana, Pearl Jam and Soundgarden became much more appealing than revising for exams.
I will never know how those exam results changed my life. Not really. I never felt like I wanted to go to University, so top grades never appealed to me anyway. The problem was that I didn’t know what I wanted to do at 16.
But what I do know now is that those results didn’t define me. I thought they did at the time. And it used to annoy me that If I were to fill out a job application form it would ask for my GCSE results. 27 years later, is my knowledge of GCSE algebra of any importance to any potential employer? My knowledge of algebra does not define me!
I didn’t know it then, but I learnt a great lesson that day. I learnt how to deal with disappointment. And not just the sort of disappointment you get when you open up the takeaway bag to find that they’ve missed out the salt and pepper spare ribs, as crushing as that is. No. The disappointment that you feel when you don’t even want to be on the planet anymore. You don’t know why you exist.
And looking back throughout my life I managed to discover lots of failures. I fail often. Only now, I absolutely love it!
Due to knowledge, experience, a good track record and plenty of recommendations I seemed to have stumbled into becoming a weight management specialist within my coaching. And I call it weight management because as much as the large percentage of people want to lose weight, I also work with those who need to gain weight. So specialising in weight loss wouldn’t do what I do any justice.
What I find is that many people go through the same emotions as I have. Not so much in them having the same experiences, but in how they feel about themselves after failure. Not hitting a weight target, not managing to complete an exercise routine or feeling like they’ve eaten too much or too little. Anxiety and resentment can take over.
But over time I’ve managed a lightbulb moment that has armed me with the most valuable tool. I now know that failure is not the opposite of success, it is a part of it. To succeed at anything, we must accept that we fail sometimes. That’s why I love it. Failure, to me now, is a milestone moment. If I know how it went wrong, tomorrow I will know how to put it right.
You will not have success every day, whatever your goals. It will hurt. I know it will. And the good news is that whatever your journey might be, it won’t be as bad as learning algebra.
One of the biggest obstacles you will have to overcome in your quest for happiness is fear. You fear the past, you fear the future and no matter what state of mind you are currently in, you fear it. If you are happy you fear being too happy because you don’t want to be hurt or let down again. If you are unhappy you fear it because you’ve been here before and you’ve read the script. It cripples you.
Maybe you have to change the script. As the author, you can make edits.
“You are a ghost driving a meat covered skeleton made of stardust on a rock in the middle of space. Fear nothing.” Eric Mina.
It is your ego that makes you fearful. You don’t want to fail. You don’t want to be seen doing something wrong. You don’t want to die.
Yet you WILL do all of these things anyway. And when your ego holds you back, tell it to f@#k off. And if it’s another person holding you back, get them out of your life.
Then you will be fearless.
Everything that you want is on the other side of fear.
If you want success then go and get it. What would make you feel like a success? Take a moment to visualize what a successful you looks like.
If you want good health then go and get it. What would make you feel healthier than you do right now? Close your eyes and imagine what a healthier you would do.
Don’t let fear hold you back.
Don’t fear your next struggle. Some of the biggest struggles that we go through, we learn our biggest lessons. Think about your own personal life. Think about a particular struggle. Now think about how you turned it around. How did you do this? What did you learn? Who was there to help you? These are the questions you need to ask yourself often, because it is the answers to these questions that become your armour. You have faced fear before. You’ve suffered misfortune and you have had moments of despair. Yet here you are. Surviving.
So don’t fear what you have already conquered. The chances are you are stronger than you think you are.
I am a Fitness Coach, Personal Trainer, Meditation Teacher studying Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. I’m good at what I do because I deal with fear every day just like everybody else. Today I won. Tomorrow I’ll try to win again.
Before the summer holidays if somebody would have told me that my 8 and 6 year olds would have been using sharp fabric cutting scissors and needles to make plushie toys I would have laughed at them.
Firstly, I would’ve felt uneasy at allowing them to use such sharp scissors. Secondly, the lads imagining and creating anything other than a head shot on Fortnite or a rainbow flick with a football seemed quite ridiculous. But of course, that’s my influence. My wife has now shown them how to sew and they’re obsessed. And what a fantastic obsession to have!
I have written about my eldest developing nervous tics over the past couple of years which seem certain to be due to the pandemic and the lockdowns. Jonas is a sensitive lad who comes across as fairly confident with his big curly hair and bold football skills. And his younger brother Finlay, who likes to play the Joker, is equally as sensitive deep down. But people see the confident kid who likes to tell jokes or give a fist pump to the camera as they score a goal. Take away the clown mask and it can be a different story. I know. I was that kid too.
Kids have stuff going on in their heads that we can’t comprehend. They’ve been growing up locked in their homes, not been able to see friends at school or to have any other human contact outside of their immediate family and listening to daily death tolls in the news as their parents left the house in face masks. How many kids will have been thinking “Will my mum and dad be next. Are we going to die?”
Jonas and Finlay have found comfort in creative therapy. Having a focus is important. I’m very happy that they’ve found this skill. I never did. Creative therapy is not really my ‘thing’. But I do have other ways to find my therapy. As a PT it’ll be no surprise to you that training is of great comfort to me. That has been my thing throughout my adulthood. And more recently I’ve found that meditation and using Tibetan singing bowls is extremely soothing. I never really had myself down as a singing bowl type of person. But then, what is a singing bowl type of person? Do we need to pigeon hole ourselves and stay in our box to suit anybody else’s views and opinions?
The truth is that nobody knows what their therapy is until they give it a go. It might be drawing or colouring in, going for walks or joining a fitness class. It might be sewing and creating or it could be meditating. There could be something that you have never ever tried before that gives you a real grounding to your life.
A good PT will help change your body. A great PT will change your life. If I want to be great at what I do then I can’t just bark orders on how many reps a trainee should do each week. Even a keen trainee would only spend one hour a day doing formal exercise. But what of the other 23 hours of the day? What about nutrition, sleep and mental health? That is where the true results happen.
And if my kids can find their therapy I’m quite sure that everyone else can make their very own Cyborg Boxy too. We’ve just got to have a go and find it.
Never Give Up PT 