Tag Archives: dad

Rope-A-Dope

Perhaps I was a little over ambitious to set about a new online course for a further qualification just a couple of weeks before the summer holidays kicked in. With two boys off school I’m struggling to find any extra time for my regular appointments, let alone the added stress of completing assignments.

But that’s where I’m at. It’s what I signed up for. I don’t like my personal growth, business, economical, family or physical growth to become stagnant. And sometimes it is challenging.

I recently listened to a podcast from a speaker who said,”If you remain comfortable, you will fail. Success is not a comfortable procedure. You have to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. Start putting some pressure on.”

I fully understand this sentiment. I need goal setting, time lines, wins and losses. I’m not a betting man. At least not with the bookmakers. I hate it. I don’t even do the lottery. But I do take a punt on the outsider now and again trying to sneak a goal or ‘win by a nose’. On this occasion, that outsider is me.

One of Mohammed Ali’s most famous fights in the ring was 1974’s Rumble In The Jungle. He spent most of that fight on the ropes defending himself against the onslaught of George Foreman’s punches. Ali managed to tire his opponent out (throwing punches continuously is extremely tiring) and counter this by building his own attacks. He knocked Foreman out in the 8th round. The term was called rope-a-dope.

Success isn’t always built by coming out of the blocks looking for the quick fix. It often takes calculated risks. Ali left his comfort zone. He didn’t want the heavyweight champion of the world throwing punch after punch on him whilst he was trapped on the ropes. It’s a risky tactic. But he knew that this was a technique to win the match in this particular battle.

And as I sit in my bedroom thinking of the punches that are coming my way, I know that I will need to roll with them. Sure, I’ll need to come out fighting at some point, but I also need to find a way of protecting myself until I align myself with the task in hand. It’s not my round 8 just yet.

Choosing between…

* worrying about unfinished jobs, crying over missed opportunities, procrastinating over deadlines, avoiding the mirror because the school holidays seem like a looooong time and my belly looks bigger and the ‘v’ frown on my forehead gets more prominent, or

* choosing your battles, when to attack, when to rest, planning your route, accepting the knocks and finding solutions.

Both are about leaving your comfort zone. But the latter, albeit daunting and uncomfortable, still gives you control. There’s no easy way in finding what you want. The one that at least puts you in the most amount of control must be the best way.

Ali was always in control during this fight, but Foreman didn’t know that. Foreman felt too comfortable. It would be his downfall.

I know that my desires and ambition shouldn’t be tethered. They should be allowed to run freely around in my head like a pool of ideas, creativity and inspiration. And so I need to leave my comfort zone and set them free, knowing that I must remain patient in truly finding the wins in some cases. Locking my future goals away entirely will only fester anger and frustration.

I need to start with my next assignment if I’m to follow my own advice. One punch at a time, Shay. One punch at a time. As long as I can withstand that, It’ll soon be my round 8.

Last Of The Summer Wine

Over the past few weeks there’s been parents queuing up at the booze isle so that they can choose their poison for the evening when they’ve put the kids to bed.

How do I know? Because I’ve been one of them. And although it hasn’t gotten to fisty cuffs just yet, there’s been a few near misses as I hurdle the crates and boxes placed by the staff in the centre of the isles to get to the last bottle of Montepulciano. I almost straddled Big Dave’s back to reach for this particularly fruity red but luckily he was headed for the stout section. Just as well. If I had to challenge him for my favourite tipple I think I would’ve lost.

Of course, it’s not just the parents heading for the booze section. A study published by The Lancet in 2017 found that global alcohol consumption had gone up by 70% from 1990 to 2017. Notice the dates. This was pre-pandemic. I can’t imagine the consumption of alcohol to have gone down.

People are finding work stressful. They turn on the news to wars and political unrest. The economy is a mess. Social media can be addictive but toxic. People are having to hang on in there. The daily grind leads to an alcohol unwind. I just made that up. It rhymed.

But anyway, my job as a fitness coach isn’t to analyse the many studies made on our society. But it is my job to know how to deal with the many different issues that our society brings up. Body confidence, work life balance, injuries, physical health, mental health and food anxieties are all things that I deal with regularly in my work.

But I’ll tell you why I am particularly good at what I do. Everything I have listed above I have had to deal with in my own life at some time or another. Some are more prominent than others, but damn, it hits you like a ton of bricks and knocks you off course pretty quickly. Alcohol, perhaps, becomes a crux for some. For others it might be over or under eating. And then there’s a whole myriad of people who self harm in other ways. There isn’t much I haven’t seen.

My weight management programme has been tweaked to what is now a well established offering to my clients. Why? Most people don’t even know they’re on a programme. It simply becomes a journey of self discovery. It deals with becoming stronger both physically and mentally. It is designed to challenge the body and the thought processes that we have. I not only wrote the programme, but I lived it first.

Adding a summer sports school for a hundred kids two days a week to my list of work commitments this summer has had me spinning those plates to the extent that, just maybe, Big Dave wouldn’t have stood a chance had he made a grab for my bottle of Montepulciano.

But come September, I’ll be back to dropping the kids off at school and having a focus on developing my online coaching programmes and my gym work.

And seeing as the kids go back to school next week and I’m about to open this bottle of Montepulciano right now, it could be the last of my summer wine.

Running Up That Hill

According to English folklore, a giant lived in a fortress on Penhill in Wensleydale. Legend has it the giant would eat flocks of sheep and terrorise the locals. This week I terrorised the locals by taking my kids to a holiday cottage nearby.

I knew that we would do lots of walking in very beautiful surroundings in the countryside on our family holiday to Wensleydale and Coverdale, but I didn’t expect just how breathtakingly beautiful it would be. And seeing as it is August, I didn’t expect the wind and the rain as we attempted a very large, steep hill. It was absolutely torrential as we began our walk up Penhill. And with the wind against us, every step seemed like a huge achievement. I can only imagine what it was like for the boys little legs. Yet they thrived throughout it. As for Lou and I there were a few times we wanted to turn back. But Lou has done this many times before as she grew up in Leyburn. For me, it was my first time. I couldn’t turn back. I had to tick it off the list. The boys wouldn’t have had it any other way.

Penhill is not a huge mountain that takes days to climb. It is probably not even the biggest hill in Wensleydale, but it was enough for us given the weather and a 6 and 8 year old to keep safe. At about an hour and a half from start to the top, it challenged us. And the sense of achievement that I got from getting to the top and back down again in difficult conditions was extremely satisfying. The kids were buzzing at the top. The memory of making their way into the clouds looking down on everything below is a memory just as good as an experience abroad in some exciting new place, city or beach. This was Yorkshire, right on their doorstep.

And I often use hills and mountains as a metaphor for a life challenge. Some are daunting and scary. They seem steep and treacherous. They might be smaller to some people, bigger to others. Every hill or mountain is unique to every one of us. But in our own way we climb each one that we are faced with and it might even take a few attempts.

The Penhill Giant might just be a mythical creature, but there’s an ogre that lives inside all of our heads that is wanting to terrorise us. The only sure way to avoid it is to keep running up that hill.

I’ve Got Piles

I’ve got piles, they’re multiplying and I’m losing control.

Piles of drawings done by the kids, bills, receipts, instruction leaflets, takeaway menus and just about anything that can recreate some odd paper game of Jenga seem to appear around the house every now and again. As I went round the house doing a tidy up this morning I noticed these piles laughing at me.

“Whatcha gonna do about it?!” They mocked. I had no answer. Each item in the pile needs some sort of attention and probably when I get a moment to actually sit down to sort through them, I will find that most of it is fit for the bin or recycling. But the six week school holidays have just hit. Sorting through this needs time and organisation. It needs me to actually set aside some time and put these things in their proper place, if at all they have or deserve one.

We have a bill drawer. Drawings from the boys either get put in their personal keep sake files or culled after a while. Takeaway menus usually get thrown away, not because I don’t order from them, but I already have my favourite. Nobody does chilli sauce like Kammy. Best Kebab on Low Street can do one. Receipts? How long do I need to keep a receipt from Aldi for a pack of 3 mixed peppers and a green top milk?!! Why is it in my life?!!!

Of course, these piles are often a reflection of where my head is at. A jumble. And when I start to delve further through the clutter it poses more questions than answers and I haven’t got a moment to deal with it properly just yet. I try. But within a couple of minutes I hear a squabble start about whether Mr Bean or Paddington should go on the TV. So the pile gets left a little longer. But, sometimes, it only takes that next bit of paper to make the whole thing topple over. It needs to be dealt with before it does.

But I’ll tackle this in my usual way. I’ll sort each bit out methodically. First of all will be my kids drawings. That isn’t a chore at all. In fact it’ll make me smile. Half of them will get put on the fridge door. So I’d better shape up, cos I need a plan. And their art is put on view….

The Great Under Cracker Wearing Planning Person

So, what have you got planned this week? What steps have you put in place to make sure you get stuff done?

I’m not the type that expects us to be on the go all the time and we MUST be always busy with something. I enjoy down time with a series on Netflix or watching about five episodes of Come Dine With Me in one night (I know, we’re odd). But to comfortably manage the down time, it’s good to have a plan of action for the stuff that needs to get done first.

It is Sunday evening. To be honest it’s got to that time of day where I’ll be happy to get the kids to bed and lay on the sofa in my under crackers watching people slate each other’s dinner parties. But before I do, I just need to give a little thought to my week ahead. Planning a packed lunch for tomorrow will only take ten minutes. Sorting my gym bag out, 5 minutes. I don’t book onto gym classes but if I did I’d do it right now before it gets filled up. I know the days and roughly the times I will train. My diary is sorted for my appointments and I’ve discussed what the family activity will be on Wednesday when we all have the day together.

I’m not the best organised person. I’m quite laid back with my approach to planning. But I know that I need to give myself a kick up the arse sometimes so that, come tomorrow, I’m not left rushing about because I didn’t bother to give any consideration to the days ahead.

Just having an idea of my week ahead can ease my cluttered brain. Things happen. Curve balls are thrown and as Robert Burns once said, “even the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry”. But it is much more difficult to stumble through an unplanned day than it is to fix or rearrange ones that didn’t work out.

Anyway, I’m not getting any planning done, Come Dine With Me watching or under cracker wearing right now so I’d best be off to do a bit. I’m overseeing over a hundred kids at a summer multi sports camp tomorrow so I’ll quickly make my sarnies and get some rest before the proverbial hits!!

Me trying to decide on my Take That undies or my Batman briefs for slobbing on the sofa to watch tele.

School’s Out!

The 6 week school holidays is a time that Lou and I have come to enjoy rather than endure. Eventually, now the boys are 8 and 6, we seem to have found a balance to our family time and business commitments. But it won’t be without a bit of stress from time to time. After all, Lou and I still need to work and find those special moments with the boys. I enjoy my work. The gym is my happy place whether I’m training myself or someone else. But creating family memories is extremely important to me.

It’s time to spin those plates and this is how I intend on not smashing any of them…

* I still need to train. That is a non-negotiable that I have talked about in a previous blog. There’s an aspect of attempting to look my 43 year old best. I make no apologies in saying that I enjoy the aesthetic rewards of training. But more importantly it keeps me sane. Training is MY time. Lou knows that this is the case and I’m grateful that she understands. Of course, she will book Yoga classes or find her time too.

* My very first blog was called ‘Shouty Dad Has Gone’. Perhaps other parents know what I mean when I say that, sometimes, our little darlings can only push us so far. We lose it. We see red. Well, I still do at times. I love my boys, but wow, they can have me rocking in a corner some days. Anyway, I no longer feel the need to act like Arnold Schwarzenegger in Kindergarten Kop. I remain calm. Count to 10. Meditate. Cry. Whatever, I remain calm.

* I make sure that I have a support network. Ok, Lou and I haven’t got hundreds of friends inviting us for evenings out or for tea and cake afternoons all too often. But we have each other and we have a few friends who are mostly made up of parents who need to offload occasionally too. A rant to someone other than your immediate family is good for the soul!

* We have made plans. When we do have days off together we don’t want it to get to midday before we actually decide on what we’re going to do. So as well as a week away in a holiday cottage we have planned a few day trips to keep the boys away from the X-box.

* I’ll stay in control of my diet. Just because the kids want turkey dinosaurs and ice cream doesn’t mean I have to. A dramatic change to my eating habits will change my mood. I’ll feel lethargic and less motivated. My above points will also change for the worse if I let this happen. If I allow my nutrition to suffer, other aspects of my life will too.

These are just a few pointers to myself that I aim to stick with to ensure a successful and fun school summer holiday. Maybe you might find some things that are useful to you or you might want to think of your own ideas.

Thanks for reading. Speak soon!

Calm Mind

https://mindist.page.link/bxUb

Here is a link to my Calm Mind meditation that I recently recorded. A bit wierd meditating to my own voice! But I’ve done it a couple of times and find it quite relaxing.

Keep smiling!

Shay.

Smoothie Does It!

Like with most kids (and many adults) they can be fussy around certain foods. Textures, tastes and smells can put a kid right off. If only a banana looked like a chicken dipper!

My youngest has started to check his food to the extend of him looking at a slice of melon like Gil Grissom analysing a crime scene.

Finlay examines the black bits on the watermelon

And I must admit, there are foods that I wouldn’t be too fond of eating if they were put on a plate for me. Medjool dates are a prime example. But if I prepare them with lots of other fruit and vegetables into a smoothie then I can enjoy them.

I have found this with my kids, especially if they prepare their own smoothies and experiment with different ingredients then there is a much greater chance of them getting the nutrients and vitamins that they need without the fuss.

This morning they prepared a banana, strawberry, orange juice and spinach smoothie. They hate bananas and spinach and my youngest doesn’t like strawberries, but they enjoyed the process of creating their own smoothie and were pleased with what they had come up with. They felt empowered.

I have a smoothie at least once a day. A zesty citrus ensemble on a morning and usually a banana, milk and protein powder later in the afternoon. I find that smoothies can…

* Stops the hunger pangs and feeling snacky.

*Wake me up on a morning.

* Fit into my calorie and macro goals and I am getting the fibre into my body that I wouldn’t get if I were eating a meal.

Although I would never consider them a meal replacement, I do put ingredients into a smoothie that I would not make into a meal. I know that I wouldn’t eat the recommended daily fruit and veg that I need if I had to prepare it as part of a meal. I enjoy cooking, but sometimes life doesn’t allow us the time to spend on making the perfect balanced meal. This is why the convenience of a smoothie maker works for me and my family.

One of my biggest concerns is for my kids to be getting good nutritious food into them each day. It’s a constant battle. And when I know what they have as school dinners the need to feed them proper food at home is even more important. I’m not looking for clean eating and banning foods for me or my kids, but a balanced approach is a sensible one. And so far it’s working!

Father’s Day

Father’s Day and the whole of the weekend was a nutritional disaster. Well, actually it wasn’t. I bloody loved my low value nutritional feast! What’s disastrous about that? But here’s why I allowed such a diet and why I can look back at a great weekend guilt free…

On Saturday (the day before Father’s Day) I met up with my dad with my family and his friends in a beer garden at Cayton Bay. Firstly I was happy to drive. A few hours drinking in the sun doesn’t appeal to me like it did once upon a time. I have kids, I have an online business that can require my attention at any time and I’m a tight Yorkshireman. Pints were £1.50 the last time I had any interest in drinking all day in a pub beer garden. So me not drinking didn’t have anything to do with my diet which requires me to be in a calorie deficit. I made up with it with the BBQ that the pub had provided.

On the Sunday we travelled to see my in laws. Graham’s famous paella was on offer plus burgers and chips. It was on offer so, of course, I ate it. Over the two days here’s what I had to eat in total…

* 6 scrambled eggs with two slices of tiger bread

* 4 cheese burgers

* 1 wild boar hot dog

* beef curry and fried rice takeaway

* 4 portions of chips

* Seafood salad

* 1 family sized bar of chocolate

* half box of Pringles

My protein is actually quite high from the weekend, but so are my calories! And I don’t care.

There are occasions in the year that we need to give ourselves a break. I’m dedicated to my goals but, because I’m dedicated, I don’t allow my goals to become a chain around my neck. I make sure that I don’t resent my goals or the process. I’m not an athlete. Yes, I’m a Personal Trainer but I’m also a regular person that wants to enjoy family holidays, Christmas, anniversaries and family gatherings. I’m not a footballer going to bed early on Christmas night because of the early kick off on Boxing Day. Pay me a Premier League wage and I’ll do it!

But I am mentally prepared for what these ‘breaks’ within my goals will require. It means that today, the day after my indulgence, I have to become disciplined again. By the end of the week any added calories from the weekend will be balanced out with structure and commitment. I can still enjoy these moments with my family and bring my nutrition, macros and calories back in line without anxiety.

I chose to binge and over indulge at the weekend. I now choose to track calories and my nutrition. I choose to train hard this week and at least make use of all the energy that I put into my body! It is all my choice. Not once did I feel out of control.

I work with some people who are trying to find that balance. One high calorie and low nutrition day can create their eating habits to spiral. One day leads to another. And another. They become frustrated and angry with themselves and they feel like giving in.

But I need to tell them and anyone who will listen that they don’t have to! One, two bad days. Jeez even a week of poor choices doesn’t ruin their hard work. What they do with their next week might and the week after that perhaps. Because that is where habits begin to form. But a few days? No. Not if they remain in control.

We can choose the high calorie and low nutrition foods if we know that we won’t be anxious about it. Enjoy it and move on. But it’s the moving on that is the vital component. We need to move on from poor food choices.

I felt great this morning. I had a lovely weekend celebrating Father’s Day. I ate what I wanted with no regrets and I was ready to focus once again. In many ways I think I needed that weekend. I needed to break the monotony of my structure. As much as I enjoy my structure, I like burgers and Chinese takeaway too!

And Here’s The Icing On The Cake…

The saying “You can’t outrun a bad diet” is true.  Because eventually your poor choices will catch up with you and running will become harder anyway. But if you have structure with your meals and in your workouts then you can outrun a poor day, weekend or holiday. And then the only reason it would be poor is if you didn’t enjoy it and you became anxious about the calorie density of each choice. It would only be poor if you allowed yourself to form negative habits around food.

I enjoy food. All food. But I remain in control and look forward to another occasion where I can over indulge again. But until then, I choose to be in control of my diet and enjoy the process and its results.

Thank you for taking the time to read this article. See you soon!

Becoming Process Focussed, Not Outcome Focussed

I want to share with you the difference between a Process Focussed attitude and an Outcome Focussed attitude. Because when you can give yourself a little tap on the shoulder and remind yourself of the process then the outcome will eventually happen. I promise.

It All Needs A Process

I am so, so good at this in the gym with myself and my clients. I focus entirely on the process. That is my job. It’s what I am trained and disciplined in. But outside of the gym I have goals that I want now…right this second! And in frustration of not being able to get them right now means that the process gets crumpled up and torn like a handy pocket road map that has been stomped on during my tantrums. Had I kept a level head, the road map would still be intact and it would be easier to follow. The tap on the shoulder from myself, a professional, a partner or a friend can work wonders in working out the process for anything. A career move, a life skill, family life and health and fitness goals. It all needs a process.

Sometimes we just see a 10k run, a dress size, a one rep max or a weight loss target. The finer details of how we are getting there is the real key.

In football, the skill isn’t knowing that you need to score more goals than the opposition, it is how you’re going to do it. You can give any sporting example of this and it remains the same. The process needs to be the focus. The outcome harbours great rewards, but without the process you won’t get there.

Frustrations Of The Outcome Focus

So I’m not getting on my high horse here and telling you that I do everything perfectly and you need to step up. You might be able to help me find my process in other aspects of life with your skills. But I’m here to talk about fitness goals. And I’ve been prompted to give it a mention because the gym is full of outcome focussed people. They press, lift, run and jump without any attention to their process. They just want the results. And this can lead to frustration and in many cases injury.

And when you figure out a process for one thing, other parts of your life can begin to take shape too. Have you ever experienced getting a promotion in your career and found that your relationships in your private life improved? You have followed a process and met deadlines, hit targets, gave your colleagues morale boosts or took them under your wing and you got rewarded in your promotion. This made you feel good in other aspects of your life too.

It’s the same in your fitness goals. Once you begin a process in your fitness goals then you begin to focus on your day to day tasks that make up the little wins. And it’s not just about doing this in a gym. Imagine going for a walk with a friend or a partner away from the daily grind. Here you can discuss your ambitions, your feelings or put the world to rights. You feel great and you’ve managed a few thousand steps as well. Make this a regular exercise and you have started the process for your mental and physical health.

Becoming process focussed takes away the big issue that seems, at times, unobtainable…the outcome. To grow muscle you can’t just lift heavy stuff a lot. To lose weight healthily you can’t just eat less. To get a job promotion you can’t just turn up to an interview. To make a relationship work you can’t just add them as a Facebook friend. You need to work hard at a process that works to get the things that you want.

Small Victories Are Important

Focussing on the outcome will keep us bitter and when we have no way of getting there we give up. In my Coaching App it’s exactly what I do for hundreds of people. I’m the tap on the shoulder that reminds them of the process and enables people to reach their goals without even realising. That’s because they have enjoyed a journey that took them way beyond the anxieties of ‘ needing to lose a couple of stone’. They did that, but also found that they were in control of their life much more than when they had no direction. It became a foundation for their success. Focus and celebrate the small victories. It’s those that become the big ones.

Thank you for reading my article. If you need further advice on where to begin with your fitness process then do get in touch. I might be able to help.