Up until two weeks ago I had never given bee keeping a serious thought. Indeed, even just putting on a bee keeping suit and observing wouldn’t have been something that I ever expected to do.
I mean, I don’t scream when a bee comes near me, but the thought of being surrounded by thousands of them whilst sweating in a space suit and disturbing their home making them angry was never on my to do list.
And then my wife and I began planning our Wellbeing Centre in Portugal when the suggestion of keeping bees came up. A good idea I thought, but the conversation didn’t really progress until I found out that my wife had organised a trip to the local beekeeping society so that we could start learning the ropes.
I’ve been looking forward to today, albeit a little nervous. But our move to Portugal will be a time for many firsts. Why not give our visitors a beekeeping experience too?!
My eldest wasn’t as excited by the experience as the rest of us. With a tear in his eye, he reluctantly put his suit on but said that he wouldn’t get too close to the bees. That’s fine! After all, I wasn’t sure how close I would get!
As it turns out, both boys were excellent in following instructions, staying safe and getting as close as they possibly could. Myself and my wife were also keen to watch and learn as the keepers opened up the hives.
I don’t know if we will develop the beekeeping in Portugal. There is lots to do before we get to that stage, but we’ve organised another trip to the hives in two weeks time so we are obviously keen to pursue it.
Not only was it a great way to spend an afternoon, but it left us all buzzing!
Sometimes the little wins create huge, long term success. And so that is what I’m hoping is happening in the case of my oldest boys sleeping behaviour. A little win here and there.
The other night I meditated with him just before he went to sleep. Following the similar pattern which we have now done for a couple of weeks, we created a number of positive visualizations together to bring about a comforting night sleep.
The theme of this visualization was to imagine traveling along a big, white fluffy cloud with all of his friends and family which would take him to a mountain where he could peacefully dream. This mountain I called Mount Sleepmore.
As I guided him through his journey to this mountain, I too closed my eyes and imagined the forests, seas, rivers and sand below. Above me I could see the twinkling of the stars. It was calm and serene as this great big cloud chugged along the night sky taking us to our peaceful mountain.
Usually, if the visualisation is working for me as the guide, I feel that it is being effective for the listener. The steady breathing and the stillness of the environment certainly indicated to me that it was working.
As we arrived at Mount Sleepmore, I left my son to continue his visualisations by reassuring him that, although the meditation was ending, his imagination could keep him in his happy place.
The next morning, he told us that he had had a bad dream through the night and thought about coming into our bedroom to sleep with us for comfort. But instead he tried to get back to sleep on his own, which he managed. I’m hoping that the techniques that he is acquiring are enabling him to comfort himself in these situations. If he can get back to Mount Sleepmore on his own, this is a big deal in his sleeping development.
However, it also proves that meditation doesn’t get rid of negative thoughts, bad dreams or worries. We cannot forget our daily tasks, the grind or our fears. These feel very real to us that can affect our lives greatly.
But it can help us to know how to respond to them. Through repetition and consistency, I believe that the power of the mind and positive mantras, visualisations and meditation can enable us to approach our difficulties in a much healthier way. It can alter the way we perceive ourselves and our environment. It can create a mindset that is able to deal with whatever curve ball is thrown at us.
I started by saying that it is the little wins that are vital. And each positive thought that you can express is the little wins. Finding a moment in your day to encourage these thoughts through meditation is a very useful way of doing it.
You can find your own Mount Sleepmore anywhere in your own imagination if you allow yourself the time to do it.
A very interesting piece of information struck me the other night. Sometimes, actually getting 10 minutes peace and allowing our mind to focus on something other than the daily grind is extremely difficult. Meditating or visualising positive outcomes is not always an easy thing to do especially with a busy lifestyle or a generally anxious mind.
When somebody approaches me and tells me about their anxieties I will often recommend meditation, but their response is mixed. It appeals to many people but there are also those who will say to me that they have tried but find it very difficult, even with a meditation guide such as myself.
And recently I have noticed my eldest son wanting to choose his own theme when it comes to meditation. For those of you who have read my blogs for some time you might remember me telling you that he has suffered with anxieties in the past which could have been caused by previous lockdowns. And I think this might be fairly common for many other children too. For our children, we decided to try short meditations with them during their night time routine which went really well.
However, just in the past couple of nights he has been requesting his own different scenarios in which he can enter during his meditations. This made me think. A beach setting, walking through a meadow, floating on a cloud or just visualising sitting in a favourite quiet place might seem like the perfect destination for a meditation, but if it isn’t where you want to be in that moment, then it won’t be as effective. Why can’t we become a superhero for the night? Why can’t we play the part of the pebble as the waves of the sea ebb in and out? Why can’t we be the rain drop that descends through the atmosphere? You can be.
For many of us, it’s a stretch of the imagination, but with a guided meditation together we might be able to unlock the potential in your mind and, as I have recently discovered, if the meditation guide knows exactly what a person would like to discover then it becomes a much more personalized experience. A kind of bespoke meditation designed specifically for that one person. Nobody else’s. It’s just their experience.
So, although completely in the early stages of development, I aim to provide this new service to those who wish to try it out.
And if it’s anything like the past two evenings for my children then this bespoke approach to meditation might be the key to releasing other children’s anxieties too. It’s like choosing your own adventure where only good things happen in your own safe space, being the character that you want to be, being satisfied with the ending and waiting for the next episode with imagination, enthusiasm, excitement and calm.
The channel on YouTube will be called Tranquil Youth Meditation. Click the link to discover more about it!
Let me start with a quote from the movie The Pursuit Of Happiness. Smith’s character says to his child…
“Don’t ever let someone tell you that you can’t do something. Not even me. You got a dream, you’ve gotta protect it. When people can’t do something themselves, they’re gonna tell you that you can’t do it. You want something, go get it. Period.”
And whether they mean it or not, it is quite often those closest to you who are the ones who might be holding you back. They’re giving you your limitations. Smith’s character even warned his child, “Not even me.” Parents, partners, friends. They’re all capable of telling you that you’re not able enough.
But don’t blame them. Certainly not if they are misguided. We are all guilty of blocking a loved one’s ambitions. Just realize that every time they tell you that you can’t, they’re just showing their limitations, not yours.
However, you should try to surround yourself with as many people who tell you that YOU CAN as much as possible. My wife and I seem to work well at this. She knew that I was desperately unhappy in my previous career and, even though it meant less income and with a new born baby, she allowed me to follow my dreams of becoming a Personal Trainer.
Likewise, after being a stay at home mum for our two children for a few years, I encouraged her to go to college to qualify as a Massage Therapist. Financially it became a challenge, but we could develop a lifestyle that worked for our family and it made us happier.
Now, we are telling each other every day that we can take our business ventures to Portugal, despite some days the whole universe telling us that we can’t.
Along with the misguided people who don’t mean any harm, I can guarantee that you will have those people in your life who do. They will thrive off of your misery and failures. Yes, these are the toxic ones. Most of them won’t care about your problems and some will be even glad that you have them. Stay clear. These aren’t just the doubters, but these are the ones who will go out of their way to trip you up. They’ll look friendly, but I think that you know who they are. Insincere people are easy to detect.
So much of our success in life is determined by those we have around us. You need positive people to support you. As for the rest, just say to them, “You told me I couldn’t, so I made sure that I did.”
As my son and I walked away from his opportunity to do football training with the older kids the other day I noticed that the anxiety had overcome him. The coach was fantastic, he tried to encourage him to join in. The kids are a good bunch, they would have welcomed my son. But the occasion got too much for him. He just couldn’t do it.
It isn’t the first time. At an open trial event at Leeds United, a similar thing happened. And there’s been lots of scenarios where he has not joined in with something because of this. He gets anxious and I get that. My first ever fitness class in front of 30 experienced class attendees was a disaster because I could hardly get my words out or move my feet. Not a good start for a coach trying to lead the class!
Being good at something and even excelling to become successful at it requires much more than skill and intelligence. My son has this at football in abundance. His ‘football brain’ is excellent for a 9 year old. He has an instinctive mind of knowing what to do in certain situations of a game that is unusual to have at his age. But it’s no use if he can’t walk onto the pitch to showcase this ability. This is a different skill entirely.
Turning anxiety into excitement is an art.
American author Simon Sinek has spoken about the Nerves Vs Excitement situation. During the Olympics he observed that the interviewers would ask the athlete if they were nervous about their upcoming event. Almost in every reply, the athlete said that they felt excited. An elite athlete who has reached the peak of competing at the Olympics won’t get nervous. Despite their talents, had the nerves gotten the better of them then they surely wouldn’t have made the cut to represent their country at the Olympics in the first place.
We could define being nervous as having sweaty palms, a faster heart beat and a future cognitive thought process whereby our minds come up with negative outcomes such as tripping up, losing or getting injured.
And yet excitement could be defined in a very similar way. Sweaty palms, a faster heart beat and, as for the future cognition, this would be our minds coming up with positive outcomes such as winning a gold medal, breaking a personal best and celebrating.
But the interviewers are actually commenting on their emotions. It is them who would feel anxious. They’re not the elite athlete.
And this can be seen in many other, non-sporting contexts. The Great British Bake off contestants will talk of being nervous about baking a cake. Mary Berry would feel excited. She is an expert and the contestants are amateur bakers.
So these elite athletes and Mary Berry have one thing in common and that is the fact that they have practiced their craft a million times before. And during this time there will have been some disastrous events and many soggy bottoms, but they kept on going. Practicing and perfecting their skill until it wasn’t daunting to them in any way, just exciting.
I could only get over my fears as a class fitness instructor by going back to the class each week and training my emotions to get better at it. I knew that I could lead a class, but I had to keep repeating it several times to lose the nerves.
And I know that, had my son trained with the older kids the other day, then he would have been a little bit more prepared for the next week. And the week after. And the week after that. Until a time would come where he felt nothing but excitement to train with them.
One way in which I worked with my initial anxiety about my first few classes was to announce to the participants that I was nervous. I even tried to laugh and make a joke of it. This broke down any barriers that were there between me and the class participants. I became one of them. After all, there are plenty of gym goers who are extremely anxious about stepping into a gym. Them knowing that I was nervous too, seemed to put us all at ease. We could work through it together. I am now about to stand in front of a class full of people whether it be two people or two hundred! The adrenaline would be there, but it would be excitement and not nerves.
We don’t need to be elite athletes to transfer anxiety into excitement, but we do need to keep turning up. Start by thinking about what could go right instead of what could go wrong. Sure, such as life, things won’t always go as you would like, but if you can be at peace with that in mind then the rewards are massive.
Just remember, we can all be guilty of a soggy bottom before we create a masterpiece.
It’s 5pm. I’m gonna close the curtains now. The gloomy Scarborough sky made me do it. Ok, it’s still fairly light now that we’re in March, but I don’t fancy Joe Pesci peering in from the window while I’m home alone.
My wife would have a go at me if she knew that I had shut the curtains so early. There is, after all, another good hour of daylight to be had, but I’d rather watch The Chase without the world looking in. Or Joe Pesci.
It’s not strictly true that I’m home alone. I have my youngest with me. But having picked him up from school he went straight upstairs to put his headphones on and speak American to his mates on Fortnight. I occasionally hear occasional outbursts of “Bro! What?!” So I assume he’s ok.
My eldest boy is on a school trip this week. It’s a big deal for him as it is his first ever trip away from his family. I know that he was very nervous about it but I’m so proud of him that he decided to go. It’s all about creating experiences and memories after all.
And to complete one of the strangest weeks of my life, my wife is in Portugal this week to find us a house and open up a bank account. I remember when nipping into town on the bus with a quid to start a Barclays account was sufficient enough. In 15 years of being together it’s going to be the longest that we’ve been apart.
It is, of course, all in aid of our Portugal move and VISA application. We’re taking each step in our stride. There are many hurdles to cross yet, but we want it so much I believe in the process. We’re following our dreams and, as the saying goes, if you want your dreams to come true the first thing you must do is wake up. We’re awake.
Unless my wife has a Shirley Valentine moment, what could go wrong? What a blog post that would be! How would I begin writing about fending off villains in my home with an iron while my wife sails off with Afonso?!!
My wife doesn’t think I know how to use the washing machine. And it’s true, my wife is in charge of washing the family’s clothes. But I am the designated dish washer operator. I’m good at that. But I do know how to use the washing machine, it’s just that I have visions of shrinking our work outfits, so I tend to stay away from it! My wife also asked me if she needed to cook some meals for me and our youngest while she was away. It’s a very nice offer, but our youngest hasn’t got the most varied tastes in food. I think I can manage beans on toast or chicken dippers.
So, there we go. The curtains are closed, the Chaser has just caught the team with 31 seconds to spare and I’m just about to look on YouTube to find out which compartment the detergent goes into. As a family, when we’re all together, we usually have a good routine going on. Yes, we sometimes bicker and it all gets a bit hectic now and again. But it’s our bickering. It’s our hectic. It’s our life and we’re happy. But sacrifices have to be made when you follow your dreams. They’re not meant to be easy to catch.
So having my wife and eldest son back will be nice. In the meantime though, my youngest will keep me company and, if I’m lucky, he’ll give me one of his chicken dippers.
My two boys love going to their grandparents for an overnight stay. Their granddad, a professional refurbisher of bar billiards tables, often has a finished table in his garage so the boys can take their pool cues that they got for Christmas.
They also get to stay up later on an evening than they would do if they were at home. Staying up later is always a treat! But the biggest treat of all for my 6 and 9 year olds are the meal times at Granny and Granddad’s.
An overnight stay will usually consist of a takeaway or a meal out for burgers or pizzas and a dessert afterwards with a fizzy drink to wash it down with. Basically, lots of foods with very little nutrition.
But I can’t pin this all on their Grandparents, absolutely not! The boys also have occasional takeaway meals or frozen pizzas and chips at home too. The boys have been invited to friends houses for tea, they’ve gone to Macdonald’s for birthday parties, they receive toys for buying ‘Happy Meals,’ supermarket meal deals involve crisps and chocolate, going to the movies encourage us to eat buckets of popcorn lager than my youngest child and reformed chicken comes in the shape of dinosaurs. All of these things appeal to adults too, so we cannot ignore the fact that children will be drawn to such inviting foods.
As parents and grandparents we can’t avoid it, but that doesn’t get us adults off the hook.
I have previously written an article about children being ‘The Great Imitators’. As much as parents believe that their children often do the exact opposite as of what is asked of them, their brains are gathering all of this information that they see and hear and then used as a survival mechanism for when they need it.
How we interact with our partners and colleagues, what we watch on TV, our language, the way we dress and what we eat are all closely observed by the young mind.
As my role as a coach for children during half term, I’m fully aware of how I talk to my fellow coaches. Children listen. Children copy. I’m also very careful about what I eat at lunchtimes with the children. I wouldn’t eat a Greggs steak bake in front of them after having a talk to them about healthy eating. There’s a time and a place. Even for a Greggs steak bake.
So how do we get our children to be more mindful about what they eat? Firstly, it is important to not criticize or ridicule any meal choices that they make. Food should never make anyone feel anxious or ‘bad’. Food should be enjoyed, yes, all food. If a child enjoys chicken dippers then ask them what they enjoy about them. How does it feel and taste to them? Talk to them about what you can add to the plate alongside their dippers.
At home, the boys know that if they ask for fish fingers or chicken dippers it will come with wholemeal wraps, mayo, ketchup and a good sized portion of vegetables. It’s a compromise. For about two years and especially for our youngest who looks like a celebrity doing a bushtucker trial when he’s eating broccoli, the veg wouldn’t be touched without having tears. Now, because we continued putting the vegetables on his plate consistently and he sees his older brother and his parents eat the veg on their plates, he eats his veg without any prompts. He watched and he copied.
We can’t expect our children to choose better options with anything in life unless they see the grown ups doing it too! Sure, their teenage brain along with other teenage peers and influences will challenge their decision making. It is one of the most feared periods for a parent and one I’m yet to experience, but if we can promote the right messages into their young brains now then at least we are giving them a fighting chance as young adults.
My message is clear to the adults that I train and the children that I coach, you can still enjoy all food types and be mindful about what we need to enable our bodies to grow strong, to be healthy and happy, to excel in what they enjoy and to survive. The balance is something that is important to find and it is my job as a parent and coach to help people do that, whether for adults or children. After all, what age group doesn’t like to find the letters of their name with a plate of Alphabites?
I don’t have a device that tells me how many steps I do each day, but if I did, this past week would’ve been off the scale.
During the half term holidays I have been helping out at a sports club for children aged from 5 to 10. The idea is to get the kids as active as possible and to encourage teamwork, movement and healthier eating. And of course if the kids are moving, the coaches are too! One of the coaches did wear a gadget to track his steps and they were over 20,000 by the time the kids had gone home for the day.
During half terms my usual training routine of gym work gets out to one side. This is fine as I schedule these events into my annual training plan. In effect, I know that I don’t need to use the treadmills in the gym for my cardio if I have a productive NEAT (Non Exercise Activity Thermogenesis) regime. And whether it be staying active with my own children or being active with 50 other children, I am comfortable with my activity levels. So I don’t particularly need a device to tell me that.
However, just like tracking my calorie intake, it’s good to check in from time to time and keep myself on my toes! So using such a device is always a credible way of keeping on top of things.
So if we take a look at what 10,000 steps a day can do for your body, hopefully we can all achieve a healthy and balanced lifestyle without slogging it in the gym every day or feeling depressed because we haven’t managed to get to a fitness class this week.
According to research, 10,000 steps a day can strengthen your heart and keep blood pressure under control. It can reduce body fat and maintain a healthy weight (with a sensible eating plan). It can improve stability, muscle tone and strengthen the core. Getting your steps in each day can also improve brain function and help with lowering anxiety and depression.
And we don’t have to panic if we only manage 5,000 steps on some days. We all need to sit and binge watch the new series of You, right?! But it just means that we average out our steps throughout the week. Some days you’ll probably hit the 20,000 mark if you are generally active.
So have a think about how you can achieve more steps into your week. Also, check out a device that will count your steps. It doesn’t have to be expensive, a free app can give you an idea of your activity levels.
And once you find the activities that you enjoy, you’ll find that you don’t even need to be running with 50 kids every day to achieve your steps!
Not for the first time my wife and I had to tell our boys to put down their screens and get dressed for school. It starts with a gentle reminder that they need to get ready or else we’ll be late, but it often ends with one of us putting on our annoyed voice and demanding that they do as we ask immediately.
The screens are hypnotic to them. And yet when I check to see what it is they’re doing on their phone, iPad or chrome book it is usually school work related. This becomes a dilemma for the parent who would like their child to have less screen time. It seems that kids are given their own log in details at school so that they can access story books and maths games online. I used to get a printed worksheet and a homework book from my teacher. We were allowed to put our own covering over our books. I went for an embossed floral design that was leftover from my parents sitting room. Cutting edge at the time. Times have changed.
But it is difficult to demand something from your child when they see adults doing the same. How can I tell them to come off of their devices when they see me tapping away at my phone. Ok, it is 90% productive tapping either designing a workout schedule for a client, booking somebody in for a session or, in my free time, learning a language. But they would argue that their time on the screen is equally important if a certain amount of maths puzzles need to be completed by a deadline date.
Had that maths puzzle been done using pen and paper, would I be more lenient on them finishing the job before getting dressed for school? Sure, they needed to get ready or they would be late, but would I have sat with Jonas to try and work out the answers together had I been looking at it on a piece of A4 hoping to move the process along?
Yet I know that not every moment of their screen time is doing school work. Far from it. Add in YouTube and football games and it becomes a full time job. So much so that doing things like getting dressed has to wait! And I do understand.
Despite my current 90% of my own screen time being work related, it hasn’t always been like that. Just a few months ago I would be debating Darwin Nunez’s success rate for Liverpool FC or asking why Ariel’s skin colour in the new Little Mermaid movie was a problem to a total stranger on Facebook. I would spend time winding myself up engaging in discussions with people I probably wouldn’t really want to know in real life. The productivity on my screen suffered, my time suffered and probably my mental health suffered too. Releasing myself away from trolls was a positive move.
But I fear that my kids have got it all to come. There are enough negative people in the real world without entertaining bullies online.
I had to make a change. And although I acknowledge that screens are a part of our everyday life now, and perhaps a little resigned to the fact, it can actually be used for good. I try to contribute positively to people’s lives through online PT. I put more effort into learning a new language and, of course, I write this to you today from my phone. This little gadget can be useful.
But no matter what we can gain from looking at our screens, we still have to do the fundamentals correctly. We still need to take care of ourselves, eat properly and, yes, even get dressed for school.
If we don’t, Mrs Barber won’t be very pleased (and that’s what I’ll keep telling my boys).
Never Give Up PT 