dad – Page 13 – Never Give Up PT

It Doesn’t Get Easier, You Just Get Stronger

Some days I still feel like a kid. The vulnerable child that would put his head under the duvet and weep. My childhood wasn’t one of fear or sadness, but I had the usual anxieties in fitting in with my peers, scared of my parents dying or feeling lonely in a very big world.

If only my life would allow my older self a few minutes sometimes to just put my head under the duvet. After all, the same anxieties are there. But it doesn’t. You might feel the same too. Life doesn’t take a time out just for you so that you can reset and face the world again. It keeps going. And the older I seem to get, the faster it keeps going.

Life doesn’t get any easier, we just need to get stronger.

I’ve been approached by uninformed people at a previous gym that I trained in that have asked ‘how are you a PT at your age?’ or ‘why aren’t you ripped if you know what to do?’

It is a misconception that to be a PT you need a six pack all year round and you need to be young. Unfortunately, even within the PT circles, this is the belief. But that is why I’ll still have a Coaching business in 10 years time. I appeal to 99% of mainstream gym goers and I use my previous work experience to run a successful business. I am one of the gym members. That makes my job easier.

But another misconception of being a PT is that I train people to be fitter, to run more or to lift heavier.

I want my trainees to acquire these physical attributes if that is their goal, but my main focus is for them to become mentally stronger.

Benching 70k one month and 80k the next is fairly straightforward for our physical form to do. But mentally you need to be strong. If you aren’t, you will become frustrated and you will give up. Training your brain to accept that 1% improvement is a big achievement and much more productive in anything, not just the gym. But for me, life and my training are linked.

When I perform a back squat, for me the barbell represents the world with the weight on my shoulders. So I squat the hell out of it. Its not going to bring me down. Not today. It enables me to take this strength and power into my every day life. I no longer need the duvet. Today I am strong.

And it doesn’t matter how many plates were on the bar. That isn’t what makes me stronger. Its the fact that I did it. That is the key to becoming stronger. Just doing it.

Nothing gets easier, we just get better at it. This rumbling snowball of life quickly rolling towards you as it accumulates more and more stress and angst is something that we learn to outrun. We learn to pick it up and throw it. We teach ourselves to take the hit if we have to and we grow more powerful than it.

We put it on our backs, feel the weight, squat it and put it back on the rack. And we’ve survived another day.

The Great British Sausage Off

Comparing my sausages on a Sunday morning and putting a timer on my phone to take a picture of them is not what I imagined doing this Sunday. But my wife is in the bath and my kids are perfecting their Fortnite dances in the living room so I thought I’d make them a breakfast. Out came the sausages.

Meat or vegetarian? Will my kids know the difference?!

For those who have followed my previous posts you might remember that my wife did the whole Vegan-uary thing in January. She totally embraced and enjoyed it. And although I didn’t commit to this, due to living and eating together for most meals, my meals became animal free too.

I eat meat. I like eggs, butter and my one true addiction…cheese. Eggs are a versatile, quick and easy protein source and butter is dolloped onto my crumpets far too often. But I could probably take them out of my diet fairly easily. And I can go days now without eating meat thanks to my wife. But cheese?

We will only have a ‘full english’ breakfast once a month. There are a number of reasons for this. We usually have early activities to do with the kids at the weekend so we opt for quicker meals. Also I can rarely eat as early as the kids wake up times so I will prepare their breakfast way before my wife and I are ready to eat.

But today my eldest has no football match to go to and it has been a casual Sunday morning. A Steve Wright love songs on radio 2 sort of morning. As I lay in bed my thoughts turned to sausages.

My kids are needing a little bit more convincing when it comes to meat free alternatives, but the breakfast I’m cooking this morning will be with Linda McCarney’s vegetarian sausages. I’ve had them before and I’m confident that they will like them…as long as I don’t tell them!

Are we preconditioned to eat meat? Does society sway our young minds to choose meat? At school my kids have options for meat or meat free, but unless they’re happy to eat a jacket potato every day the meat free options are limited. There’s still a stigma to vegetarian meals and certainly to vegan meals that they are boring. Maybe some schools and, for us adults who go to restaurants, this might be the case. The animal free section of the menu might be a little uninspiring.

I’ll be sure to update you on how my vegetarian sausages did with the kids but for now I must sign off as they’ll never eat them if they burn in the oven. A charcoaled sausage in whatever form it arrives onto your plate is never going to be a success.

FAQ’s

Why do you say fat loss instead of weight loss?

We can lose weight by drinking less fluid, going to the toilet more, vomiting our food, chopping our arms off or not eating at all. Losing fat and monitoring your fat body levels is a process that is sustainable for life by eating and exercising correctly. I sometimes use weight loss because it is universally understood by all of us that are influenced by media.

Why is programming your fitness so important?

Fitness regime’s get stagnant. Before we know it we have spent the past year lifting the same weights and running the same distance. Not only does it get boring, but your body stops responding to it. New challenges need to be constructed and developed over time.

How often do you train?

5x a week lasting from 45 minutes a session to 2 hours. It depends on how much time I have between training my clients and family commitments. I don’t train on weekends as this seems like a good time for my body to rest and have precious family time

Why do you train?

For my mental health, to feel good about myself, accomplishment, mindset and focus for other aspects of my life and I want to be able to remain active and independent in later life.

But we’re all going to die anyway, why be so obsessed about your fitness?

That’s like saying I’m going to die anyway so why obsess about eating. I eat because it keeps me alive and it makes me feel good. Same as training. I might get cancer or get hit by a bus and die tomorrow. I want a 170k PB deadlift before that happens and I’ll want a Donner kebab with onions and chilli sauce with a side portion of chips and a glass of Merlot too.

What gets you out of bed on a morning?

The thought of a 170k PB deadlift, a Donner kebab with onions and chilli sauce with a side portion of chips and a glass of Merlot (and my wife, kids and work!)

A Non-negotiable

Sometimes a friend will say to me, ‘You’re training again?! Are you not scared of injury or over training?’

I train Monday to Friday for an average of 90 minutes each session. That’s 7 and a half hours of training in a week consisting of 168 hours. It’s the least I could do. So no, I don’t over train. And injury happens when you don’t train or when you train and do it wrong.

Before marriage and kids came along I would easily do double the amount each week but I didn’t have a clue. My 20 year old self wanted to out lift everybody else whatever the cost, even after a night out of smoking, drinking and shoving any recreational drug into me I could find. Yes, you’d still find me in the gym the next day damaging my lumbar spine. But because I was not training correctly, it didn’t matter how long I spent in the gym. My results were very average for a young man who had a naturally lean physique. I wish I could train my 20 year old self now.

No matter how tired my kids are, as they go to bed they must brush their teeth. Also, on getting up on a morning they brush their teeth. It’s a non-negotiable. They even have a penguin egg timer so when they flip it they keep brushing for the two minutes that it takes for the penguin to reach the bottom. Just 4 minutes a day. But it is so important to their health. They have 23 hours and 56 minutes each day to ruin their teeth, so it is important to…A. Do it, and B. Do it correctly. Hopefully this routine will teach them the importance of clean and healthy teeth and they will become mindful of the other 23 hours and 56 minutes.

This is how I view training. I wouldn’t stop brushing my teeth because I couldn’t be bothered. I wouldn’t start peeing my pants because going to the toilet takes up too much time. Just like performing the every day tasks like brushing my teeth or going to the toilet, training is non-negotiable.

For all of it’s aesthetic rewards, keeping a healthy mindset is what keeps me driven. Once the penguin is on the move, I have no choice.

I used to have bad days. Like really bad. Days where I couldn’t get out of bed. These were the days that brushing my teeth didn’t matter. Taking each breath at a time was my only priority. Coping with my demons until perhaps the next day became more bearable for me to move. Sometimes it’s the little things like getting to the bathroom that are actually a massive step.

My experiences are why I have my non-negotiable rule. Training isn’t about wanting to do it or not. I just do it. And if I get a phone call to say my kids are sick and need picking up from school, or I have a flat tyre, or my lucky squatting pants are in the wash and I can’t train that day, I’ll make up the time on the next day.

I’m a busy working dad. Life happens. Sometimes I go to squeeze out the toothpaste and there’s literally nothing left. But teeth are precious, so I buy a new tube as soon as I can and my kids will brush their teeth at the next convenient time.

‘Life happens’. I get that. Tomorrow is my first day back into society after my Covid isolation. It’s been a tough week. But we have to make sure that, just because we acknowledge that ‘life happens’, it isn’t what is inscribed on our headstone.

Tomorrow, the penguin will start its timer. I need to be ready to go.

A Slice Of Life

My initial thoughts on posting about my home made pizza was going to be on how many calories you can save yourself by creating it at home rather than a takeaway pizza. There’s a potential of a 500 calorie reduction by making it yourself. The leading pizza takeaways are around 2000 calories for a 12″ Margherita.

But I thought, nah, if you can eat a whole 12″ pizza like I just have then calorie saving isn’t going to be on the forefront of your mind right now.

So then I thought about the money savings. I made a pizza for less than one pound. To get one the same size and the same toppings delivered to your door is easily close to £15. That is a massive saving. In fact, for the same price, instead of buying in a pizza each week you could subscribe to my online fitness coaching with 24/7 PT support. I’m not hot or spicy but my jokes are always cheesier than a quattro formaggi.

Anyway. I digress.

I want to explain how I feel as I make a chilli con/sin carne, curry, pesto pasta or a pizza. Not only do I know exactly what goes into my dish, which is reassuring in itself, but it makes me feel happy. Sometimes I sing along to the radio. I’ve also been known to dance in the kitchen to my kid’s horror. I’m a cross between Jamie Oliver and Fred Astaire in the kitchen once I get chopping a bit of cucumber.

And it also gives me time to think. I think about my family. I think about what I have to do tomorrow and the week ahead. I think about stuff that I’m unable to think about when I’m busy doing other daily chores. I think about not slipping on the sliced red pepper on the floor as I attempt the moonwalk.

Cooking, for me, gives me some time out. I’m very average at it. I have my set specialities which I listed above and that’s where my culinary skills end. But it doesn’t matter. I enjoy it.

Lots of people that I have worked with regarding their weight control either through not eating enough or eating too much isn’t about them having a lack of knowledge around food. Lots of them can cook better than I. They know roughly the nutritional value of a carrot compared to a chocolate bar. It is their emotional eating habits that have taken over.

Eating isn’t always about when you are hungry. Often the strongest food cravings come at our most vulnerable emotional state. We do it without even thinking about it. Even if we are trying to curb our bingeing urges, there’s alway a McDonald’s advertisement not too far away to keep us on our toes. And that’s where cooking our own food can help.

We need to try to develope a much healthier relationship with our food. No food is ‘bad’. We don’t have to feel guilty all of the time. You don’t blow your fitness goals on a calorific meal and you haven’t got an eating disorder because you miss a meal.

Eating something that you have made can be rewarding, you are able to control your calories (and macro’s) much easier, prepare meals for the week with batch cooking and you get to handle real food. Have fun with it. Try making your favourite dishes. Learn about the qualities of each ingredients. Smile as you do it and, rule number one, move like Jagger.

The Doughnuts.

After working years in social care I knew that I could transfer my skills into fitness coaching. One thing that led me into social care in the first place was the ability to have empathy. From being a kid I was labelled a ‘thinker’ by my teachers. I thought about stuff and, yeah, sometimes this led to anxieties I still have to this day but it also gave me an insight into other people’s thoughts.

The poverty in Africa, the Russia and Ukraine issues, the Afghans climbing onto the wheels of the plane as it set off, Covid, Brexit, the energy crisis, the little girl in Bradford who was murdered by her parents, the young man that I supported who would repeatedly hit his head as he entered another seizure, all seem to occupy my thoughts regularly.

Will they get a meal today? How desperate must one be to cling onto an aeroplane in mid take off? I wonder if that young man is still alive?

I’m not a worrier. There’s a difference between being a worrier and a thinker. I think about small ways in which I can help. I know that I can’t change the world, but maybe I can make someone smile or feel better about themselves. Just like when I was in social care, if I could be a Personal Trainer for free I would be. I genuinely love my job because I see people improving their lives. Even in my days as restaurant manager I had to be front of house to see a customer take their first bite of something delicious and a part of why we wanted an open kitchen is to experience the customer’s enjoyment at being in our restaurant. Getting paid is good. Providing a service that brings a smile to someone is priceless.

I’m having quite a lot of thinking time at the moment. I’m halfway through an isolation period due to testing positive for Covid. And my wife and two children are too. Thinking whether to get changed into regular clothes on a morning. Thinking if the boys should do their spellings today or not. Thinking about keeping my glasses on or putting my contact lenses in. Pretty big deals when you can’t leave the house I’m sure you’d agree!

But there’s another big thought. I was following my training program along with a calorie controlled nutrition plan since the beginning of the year. Where does this put my training regime? I can’t get to the gym and although I have a few bits of equipment at home I have nowhere near the weights that I were reaching in the gym. So I’m fine with waiting a week to resume my training. But what about my diet?

The qualities of empathy and the ability to put myself in somebody else’s shoes means that I would never be an Insta PT. I’d much rather put a picture of me holding up a pint of beer than one of me topless and flexing. I made a good support worker because I felt the pain and the anger of a young man with a brain injury. It could have been me. I make a good PT because I have all the same issues that the gym members do. The Insecurities. Am I too fat or too thin? Does this shirt still fit me? Should I eat this doughnut?

Ah yes. The doughnuts. All 3 of them.

I’ve just had 3 of the sugary balls of loveliness. In real life, I don’t even like sweet stuff. In isolation…get in my belly!

My nutrition plan has taken an unexpected turn. I’m fairly relaxed with my eating aiming at 80% high nutrition with 20% of ‘fun food’. But this week I’m probably at around 60/40. I’m realistic, which is another good PT trait. I know I’ll get back to my usual focused self once I’m set free again.

My message to myself and anyone else who feels like eating three doughnuts if they want to is do it! That doesn’t mean doing it again and again, creating unwanted habits. But if you feel a bit shit, then get it out of your system. We’re not super human. We have feelings. We’re not robots. A big doughnut hug is fine now and again.

Not allowing yourself moments of Time Out will be detrimental to your overall goals. Ok, so my macro’s are pretty crappy this week. So what? It will have absolutely no effects to my overall health, wellbeing, hypertrophy and strength goals in the long term. They were great doughnuts, but my long term goals are too precious to ever want to repeat that any time soon. I train people exercise regime’s, rep ranges and movement, but I also train people how to find their precious goals. For somebody to truly progress in their health and fitness journey, they need to find that precious thing that is far too valuable to give up. And no lockdown, isolation, illness or doughnut will ever ruin it.

Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff

Moving to Scarborough was one of the best things I could have done for my family. We are by the sea and we literally just have to open our bedroom curtains to see it. My boys play football on the beach, go for walks in the beautiful surroundings and attend a good school. We needed to get away from City life.

But the initial move was a very difficult one. As we were selling our house in Leeds and hoping to buy our house in Scarborough my mum died. She had been ill with cancer for a number of years and eventually she lost her fight. She was 62. My dad was an absolute rock for her every step of the way. She was diagnosed with breast cancer when she was 43. My age now. They were still young. My mum was still young when she died.

Eating pizza. Not sweating the small stuff.

Within months of my mum dying, we left for Scarborough. My dad had lots of family around him. His brothers and his mum, plus my mum’s family. Had he been alone, our decision to go ahead with a move might have been different.

Scarborough isn’t a million miles away from Leeds. A couple of hours on the A64. But with busy lifestyles and a pandemic to deal with we haven’t seen him loads. Fleeting visits both ways every few month perhaps. So I was delighted when we managed to arrange my dad and my grandma to drive over this weekend. It’s always lovely to see my grandma and, despite the list of aches and pains she will tell us all about, she has a great sense of humour. Well, she laughs at my jokes, so she must have.

My grandma, as usual when we see her, said that she would pay for our meals. It’s what grandparents seem to do. I don’t argue. My mind turns to the menu!

It won’t be a fancy restaurant. We’ll be with an 8 and 5 year old. It would be lost on them. Plus, a decent pub with a play area would be nice so that the adults could catch up. Back to thinking about the menu…

I am currently looking for a caloric deficit in my training schedule. Ideally I will lose 2-3 body fat % in the next two weeks before beginning a strength phase. It’s tight. But I’ve been on track all month. Now, I either restrict myself on the occasion where I see my dad and Grandma for the first time in months by ordering the salad, or I get the double cheese burger, onion rings and fries and break the whole calorie thing into the whatthefuck.

I tell my trainees that you shouldn’t sweat the small stuff. If you leave the track then bloody well enjoy it and get back onto the track with no regrets. Don’t regret a slice of cake, a chippy tea, a packet of crisps or a kebab. Enjoy what you enjoy! I’m going to take my calorie thing into the whatthefuck. I’m focussed enough to enjoy the burger, onion rings and fries, enjoy it, and move on.

And that’s the key. You can still be a focussed, determined individual and still break the rules now and again. I have goals that I’m passionate about. My training regime is tough. I demand a lot of myself. But a part of being human and not an algorithm is that I am a husband, a father, a son. Sometimes, the computer says yes, give me the bloody burger!

So don’t sweat the small stuff. Enjoy food. Enjoy training. Enjoy life. We’re not here forever.

Waiting and Waiting on the Sidelines.

I’ve just managed to persuade my 8 year old to join in his friend’s birthday party after 30 minutes. It’s a football party and he loves football. He doesn’t just live and breath football (as well as Fortnite) but he is actually very good at it. At a trial for Leeds United he just froze. The daunting prospect of exhibiting his skills in front of coaches and the other kids he didn’t know got the better of him. There’ll be other opportunities. Like I say, he’s pretty good.

But since lockdown this confident little boy has gone into his shell. A throat clearing tic started during the third lockdown and got more regular and louder as school approached. School was very good and understanding and, although the nervousness of going to school has stopped, events out of his comfort zone are still there. I’ve just witnessed it. A lot of confidence has come back, but the constant breaks from normality such as the Christmas holidays takes him time to settle again.

I totally get it. People see me as this confident person entering the gym. I wear a PT top with my logo or the gym colours. I know what I’m doing. I love being there and I enjoy meeting my trainees for their next challenge. Most of the time I feel in control. But I sometimes feel like my little boy. I know exactly what he’s thinking as he is waiting on the sidelines. ‘What if they don’t like me?’ ‘What if I do something wrong and I get laughed at?’ ‘What if I’m rubbish today and don’t help my team?’

At 43 with plenty of reflective moments to look back on I know that none of this will happen in the gym or anywhere else that my anxiety tries to hold me back on. I’ve developed a thick skin too so even if it does, fuck it. But my lad is still fighting these anxieties and might do into adulthood, it’s not uncommon.

At his age I got around this by being the Joker. That hasn’t changed actually. Even now an awkward moment can always be fixed with a joke. That’s what I do to this day. I was called disruptive back when I was a kid because trying to make somebody laugh was my weapon. I remember meeting my wife’s dad for the first time I told more jokes that night than a Jimmy Carr gig. Probably just as inappropriate too. He laughed and still does now. So I keep telling them! He likes me!

Getting out of bed and leaving the house might mean putting on your ‘mask’ sometimes. We all do it to an extent. Some masks slip. That’s fine too. I’m envious of those who can firmly fix their mask to their face for the whole day. But as long as you take a deep breath and go again then you’re doing well. I’m proud of my boy for doing what he did today. He didn’t feel comfortable right at that moment to join in, so why should he? He waited until it was right for him.

We’re all learning and developing at any age. And my son has just helped me learn a little bit more.

Shouty dad has gone…

I’m interested in self reflecting. I’ve done it since being a kid and I always found it as a monkey on my back at the time. I didn’t want to think too much about how I reacted to certain situations. I wanted things to wash over me a bit more. Now, rather than be tortured on my behaviours and if I said or did the right thing, I use it as a tool to improve.

I reflect almost daily. Just a quiet time where I can replay back certain situations in my head. And it’s no surprise to those who know me, seeing as I’m there so often, that a minute or two between sets in the gym is a good time for me to think. The gym is my therapy. My meditation. A time for self reflection. Who am I? What am I becoming? To answer this I need to reflect on what I have done.

My thoughts often turn to my kids. I’m very hands on in their lives and they are pretty much my world. But as I rest from my latest set and I smile when I picture my kids faces, my heart begins to sink at how I snapped over their latest bickering with each other or my ranty voice when they didn’t listen to my instructions. I can be a shouty dad. I hate that.

I can’t just recognise my faults, click my fingers and change. Nobody can. But, much like training a muscle, I believe we can train our behaviours to become what we actually want to be. Sure, I’m a caring, loving dad. My kids love me. We tell each other often that we love each other. We hug daily. But I knew that I had to train away shouty dad. Sooner or later, my kids would come to resent me and I would be in a state of anger forever. I had to reflect daily on what I could do better in these tense situations. And I think I am getting better. But I need to keep training my behaviour and keep checking myself. If I become complacent then I lose my consistency. And consistency, again, just like training the body, is key.

Shouty dad has gone. I’m not saying that shouty dad won’t make a visit the next time my youngest draws on the curtains again. He might make an appearance. But I firmly believe calm dad will tap him on the shoulder and tell him to sling his hook. Calm dad has got this one under control thanks very much!