Thanks to the invention of my wife’s father, we now have a darts board. It is currently in the courtyard area of our house, but will eventually be a part of our ‘bar’ area for guests.
This bar area is the old chicken coop of the property and will feature the dart board and bar billiards table inside, along with seating. It will be partially open roofed but protected during winter months. Surrounded by orange trees, the name we have come up with is ‘The Orangery’. But this changes daily, so stay tuned.
Anyway, we’re hoping to have this open for this summer, but the work is extensive, and on top of what other stuff we have to do, it might be a project that gets finished for next year. Either way, it’s probably something that the A New Life In The Sun want to film, so it’ll have to fit in with the logistics of filming like everything else has had to!
I’ve found out this week that my eldest, Jonas, is rather good at darts. Today he beat me with a double eight finish. Finlay, his younger brother, also has good ability. He just needs to grow a little.
But Jonas seems to have this natural ability to be very good at any sport that he tries. I’ve already spoken about his football successes, where he played an important part in a successful team from the age of 5. My wife and I would also watch proudly as he often came first in his school sports day competitions. He seemed to be able to run faster, jump higher and throw further than most kids. I’ve just found out that he can throw a dart more accurately than his old man who has played darts for the past 30 years.
Most parents let their kids win, but Jonas is killing me. I’m hoping that one day, he’ll let me win at something.
So, what was 2024 for you? Was it a year of questions or a year of answers?
For me, 2024 was most certainly a year of questions. Big questions. How could I handle living in a new country? How could I deal with a house buy, a building project, a new business? Could I settle my kids in a new foreign school? Can my wife and I survive the stresses? Can I manage to put my ‘happy face’ on for the cameras.
But I’m hoping, goodness, I’m hoping (!) that 2025 gives me answers.
I’ve been thinking about the quote by Zora Neale Hurston over the past few days, in which she said,”There are years that ask questions and years that answer.”
My thoughts on recent years took me as far as 2020. This was a year, for so many of us I would imagine, that asked tough questions. But I have noticed a trend because 2021 was one that cleared my head and started to deliver answers once again, if only in part anyway. The gyms reopened and my business could recommence. My wife had also started her own massage therapy business which quickly became very popular in the centre of Scarborough.
2022 flipped again to become a year of questions. Whilst my wife remained steady in her business, mine was stagnating. A few clients remained from pre-covid but the gym I was at never got their numbers back unfortunately. It had also decided to give the members recorded fitness classes which obviously didn’t require a live instructor. This us something I’m seeing more and more in larger gyms in the UK and just can’t help but think that members are just a number to them. There’s no personal touch. I know many of my class participants enjoyed the social aspect of classes. Having a chat with the instructor before or after and generally feeling a belonging. That is taken away with pre-recorded classes on a screen.
Prior to covid, our thoughts were very much fixed on moving out of the uk. Yes, there was a longing to be living back in the European Union but it had always been a dream for us as individuals before we met each other and then as a family. Covid had set us back financially so plans were put on hold, but 2023 we came up with the answers, swiftly putting our house up for sale and employing solicitors to assist in the visa applications and starting a business in the EU.
Oh yes, 2023 we had answers. We were so focused on this that we felt untouchable. We were asked many times,”What if your house doesn’t sell.” Or “What if your visa is rejected?”
Our answer was, “It won’t.” That’s how committed and confident we were in the process and our strength and abilities to carry this off. The reality was that our plans could’ve fallen off the edge of a cliff at any point that year, but we had answers that we told ourselves over and over that soothed our minds. “We can do it. We WILL do it.” Special mentions are required around now to thank those who gave me and my family somewhere to live in England while we were in limbo. And a great friend gave me some work working with kids in summer sports camp. I’ll be forever grateful.
But once we got to Portugal, 2024 became a year of questions once again. Mostly set by us. Just like our positive mindset helped us get through the previous year, the gremlins crept into our mindset a little during our Portuguese house purchase and business set up. We had the building work to the local accommodation house. A forest to clear. Children to settle into a new school and new lifestyle. Budget stress. And with a camera crew filming it all and a production team asking even more questions, last year was tough with some incredibly difficult questions to face.
But on the first night of the year, during a bout of man flu that had me awake most of it, I had time to think. Thinking is a luxury over Christmas with family visiting and two excited kids. It occurred to me that my year of questions were last year. This year, it is my year of answers. I don’t think that Zora Neale Hurston meant that it would be exclusively one year of questions and then one year of answers, but there has certainly been this pattern for me. At least I hope so.
There will be what looks like more filming to come. The production team are already in talks with us about their spin off ‘Revisited’ programme, where they film the progress we have made. But I feel a lot more head strong to deal with that now. I know the expectations of me. And likewise in other aspects of my life. I know what we have to do to our business to succeed. I am producing answers again. Answers that for many months I struggled to find, either due to the ‘out of my depth’ feeling or simply not knowing the expectations of, well, anything!
This time last year when asked what would be achieved by the end of the year I had to say ‘I haven’t a clue!’ And yet, if I were asked it right now I’d be able to give a more detailed account of how life might look like fir me and my family.
I’d have answers. Because it’s the year for it.
Here’s to 2025. And remember, even if you are faced with lots of questions this year, you will find the answers.
The front of our property has been a bit of a dumping ground since we bought it. Old mattresses, kitchen sinks and rubble have littered it for months whilst the builders have been around.
But since they left and we are now an operating guest house and wellbeing centre we have been busy tidying it up and creating something more eye catching than a building site for our guests!
Below are a few photos of the progression we’ve made. The urns are broken, but we positioned them so that it isn’t obvious. The plants are succulents that will hopefully thrive all year round. We used a sprinkling of stone dust before putting down a layer of decorative pebbles and the rocks are all from the original building that is now the guest house!
At last it’s an entrance to our property that we can be proud of.
Here are a few pics from our visit to Vila De Rei today. It’s a beautiful town in the centre of Portugal and the sun was shining which made it a lovely afternoon with the family!
I didn’t think I’d find a TV series about ‘Detectorists’ all that interesting. Billed as a comedy, I wasn’t sure where the laughs would come from watching two blokes in a field with metal detectors. But then these two blokes were Mackenzie Crook and Toby Jones. Also written and directed by Crook, the series was always going to be not just funny but poignant too. Lou and I enjoyed it very much.
Perhaps we had other motivation to watch the series. Just this summer we had bought Finlay a metal detector for his birthday. We thought it was a fun activity for us all to do together and with so much land to detect on it seemed a good idea. Although, during the height of summer, the land was so hard we could not dig it up! Now it has softened, we can begin to hunt for treasure.
Another motivation is that Lou and I miss one particular thing about the UK and that is a charity shop. They aren’t very common in Portugal. As we walked along Scarborough high street we could never resist popping into a charity shop. “Shall we see if we can find some treasure today?!” I would ask.
That treasure would be an old book that smells like, well, an old book. Or a board game that would bring back memories of family holidays. Or a lamp that would remind us of it sitting in our grandparents house in the 80’s. Or a tea set from the 50’s, 60’s and 70’s, a particular favourite of Lou’s. A couple of big boxes came over on pallets full of tea sets. They all survived the trip.
Of course, we never expected to find a book or indeed a tea set intact on our land. Maybe an old farming tool. But Finlay had grand ideas of finding a pot of gold. What we found was three rusty nails all located in different areas. The buzz of the machine detecting metal is quite exhilarating, even if it was just a rusty old nail. What have they been used for and when? I like to imagine their journey to when we found them. But for Finlay, as happy as he was to have found something, it wasn’t the pot of gold that he was hoping for. It got me thinking.
We could try to seek our treasure for the rest of our lives and keep finding little more than a few rusty nails. But what did finding those nails do for us? Well, it brought us together to work as a team. A detectorist and a digger. We all took it in turns. We were in nature. During our adventure we found wild boar footprints, beautiful butterflies and dragonflies and new wild flowers appearing. We were tired. A few hours walking and digging is great exercise. And it got the boys off of computer games. Something the modern parent often has to battle against.
Finlay didn’t find gold, but he and the rest of us found a golden opportunity with much more wealth than any coins could ever give us. It gave us a moment together to witness all of this. And if a rusty nail is all that we ever find in the soil, I know that we’ll be discovering so much more about life together whilst we do it.
I’ve recently watched a comedy/drama programme called Breeders. It was created by Martin Freeman who also plays the stressed out father in the show. In one episode he says to his 13 year old son “As a parent you make over a hundred decisions a day and you just hope that you get them right.”
Of all the decisions I’ve had to make in my life, those on the behalf of my kids have been easily the most challenging.
Since becoming a father I have changed. I see the world very differently now and, in many ways, I try to see it from their perspective. It is them who have to live in this world now. True I’m not old or ‘passed it’, but I also think that I’ve had my day. If I died tomorrow I’d be happy. I’ve seen enough. I could be greedy and want to see more, but look at what I’ve achieved already.
I survived school. I had loving parents. I went on caravan holidays and ate those mini choc chip cookies in my pajamas with about 8 other family members squished into the van. I felt that funny crush feeling when the ‘girl of my dreams’ walked past me in the school corridor. I also felt that crushed feeling when she never acknowledged me when I said hello.
I fell in love, out of love and all the different emotions in between. I’ve met good people along the way, some not so good. I’ve had some great jobs, eventually finding my vocation. I married my soulmate. Fathered two beautiful boys. I learned a new language. Moved to a different country.
I’ll carry on making memories, but my point is that if it was all to end tomorrow I would doff my cap to the Grim Reaper and bow out gracefully. The Grim Reaper doesn’t scare me, you see, he’s never been too far away. And anyway he’s a pussycat really. He can only take my shell. My energy will be around forever. My energy (or spirit if you’re spiritual) might even turn up to my old crush’s house to write sinister messages on her bathroom mirror!
But now it is my boys turn. They’ll make their own memories and a fair few of them will probably resemble mine, just like yours will. And as a parent I feel that it is my responsibility to prepare them the best I can. That means making decisions and hoping that I can get them right. Most of the time anyway.
I’m currently having to use my eight year old’s aftershave. He enjoys gelling his hair and dressing smart so a couple of years ago we decided to get him a set of aftershaves, a comb and little mirror. Nothing too lavish or expensive. But we recognized that he was very different from his older brother, who much prefers the ‘just got out of bed’ look.
Finlay wafting his aftershave at me
I don’t have any aftershave at the moment. I could buy some quite easily from the supermarket who do a nice selection. But along with socks and undies, I don’t feel like buying my own aftershave is my responsibility. It is that of the gift giver on my birthday and Christmas. I currently have holes in my socks with my undies swiftly catching up and I am creeping into my eight year olds bedroom to nick a bit of old spice. This will be the situation until November when I’m hoping a gift giver will replenish my underwear stock and Eau de Toilette on my birthday.
My point is that, now, I don’t ask for much. I need my kids to be happy and grow up feeling loved. That’s it. Twenty years ago I wouldn’t leave the house without spraying half a bottle of something expensive on me and it would have been a disaster if I had to get dressed in the gym changing rooms wearing holy socks and undies. But priorities change.
My kids will see many wonderful things, but I won’t pretend to them that life is a fairytale either. As they grow older they will see the ugly sides to life too. Maybe that was the purpose of us moving to a different country. Within three months of finishing at their school in England, they were in a school in the Portuguese countryside where nobody spoke English (apart from the English teacher). My wife and I pretty much pushed them into the water and said ‘There you go, swim!’
I want them to have chances in life and to help create opportunities for them, but I don’t want to make it too easy for them.
I’ve always felt parent guilt. You know, that feeling that in some way you are letting your kids down. Was I around enough for them as babies? Did I teach them well enough when we had to home school? Is taking them away from their only home that they know in England the right thing to do?
Taking Jonas out of his football team was one of the most difficult things. He was proud to play for his home town. Bloody good he was too! And the guilt continues in that I haven’t pushed for him to play for his new home town yet. Jonas is the timid one out of my two boys. Only last Monday he sobbed at the school gates on his first day back after the summer holidays because he didn’t want to go in. And there’s been a few occasions where he has not wanted to join in activities during the summer due to his anxieties of leaving us. So I’m not sure a new football team is right for him just yet. I want him to get a year or two of school under his belt first.
Jonas. The thinker.
But does my decision help me sleep at night? No. Parent guilt taps me on the shoulder as I’m just dozing off and says ‘Oi, you smelly, tatty socked sorry excuse of a dad. Let him play football or he’ll resent you forever!’
But I’ll prove parent guilt wrong in what he says, because from November I’ll have no tatty socks and I’ll smell like Paco Rabane!
It might seem excessive to be creating a car park (estacionamento) at our property for ten cars. After all, so far we only have one holiday rental home with one bedroom. But we are in the process of readying ourselves for the bigger picture.
That picture involves private parking for our own vehicles, the guest’s vehicle, space for the private gym and massage therapy room and small group training. There’s also an opportunity to expand the holiday rental side with another small building which is probably way down the line. We need to make the first one work first!
Here are a few pics of me clearing some space by the road side and filling it with stone dust. Also, we have recently dug up the stretch of land (with the help of a man with a tractor) which is a football field long and home to fruit and olive trees. It is also a great space for the boys to ride their bikes!
Yesterday was a productive day. We got stuff done. And it was important that we did as the kids were at the coast with a holiday club which meant that we had more hours in the day to complete tasks. But it did come at a price.
When the evening came and the kids were in bed we simply had nothing else to give to each other. We worked through very hot temperatures and met appointments in town to get relevant licences filed which meant that we were knackered both physically and mentally. At one point Lou mentioned that we were like Challenge Aneka as she put a coat of paint on here, spreading compost there and signing documents to be emailed.
The Challenge Aneka analogy is very accurate. We have a deadline, we are being followed by a camera person and I look good in lycra and a blonde wig.
Ok, forget the last one. But the others are true.
Anika Rice
The last couple of hours of the day, however, was a case of us silently watching Superstore on Netflix and not communicating with each other. Talking, it seemed, had become too difficult to do. One after the other the episodes of Superstore turned into seasons. Each one becoming not as good as the previous series. ‘No wonder they cancelled it’, I thought to myself. I wanted to say that to Lou, but the words didn’t come out.
Me in lycra
We’re not unique. This is a trap that we sometimes fall into just like many of my trainees. We can lose track of the important stuff. We try to juggle too much, often worrying about the little things. We forget about prioritising and we end up spinning plates only to see them all crash to the floor.
Our particular plates, albeit wavering rather than spinning at full throttle, haven’t quite crashed. But if we don’t address it quickly, we will find ourselves in a rut of simply existing and not living the life that we want.
So as productive as yesterday was, our relationship and our personal mental health suffered. Today we needed to strike a balance. We decided on a mind map.
We all plan differently. For me, I like to write down what I need to do. Whether it be for the day ahead, for over the weekend or for the full week. It’s the personal trainer in me. I’ve written thousands of training plans that require following a plan. I’ve always remained flexible with my plans, after all, stuff happens. Life happens. But generally, the very fact that I have a written plan of action that I can attempt to execute lowers my anxiety and, most importantly, enables me to methodically work my way through the plan.
Trainees didn’t just come to me in the gym to help with their clean and press. There is often an underlying issue in why they seem to struggle in reaching a particular goal.
Likewise, I don’t need help in how to paint, treat wood, mix cement or plaster. But I found that I do need help in how to juggle my time and plan when to do this while simultaneously being a fun loving father and husband.
So this morning we didn’t get stuck into the painting, grouting and fixing. We spent the first hour mind mapping.
We scheduled what needed to be done. We gave timelines to each activity. We organised the day onto paper, ticking off each one as we completed it. We even made sure that one of these activities was to take a trip into Sertá for lunch together. We don’t always want our leisure time to be written into our list of jobs for the day but if life gets a little on top of us now and again then why not?! It is important to recognise these things.
Author Alan Lakein wrote,”Planning is bringing the future into the present so that you can do something about it now.”
We can’t achieve anything without planning, however one chooses to do it. After all, if you don’t plan which way the wind is blowing, you could end up pissing into it. It gets messy.
Mind planning got us another productive day today, but it also got us some important time together where we could chat and enjoy each other’s company and not just drift through day to day, barely having conversation. After all, we won’t achieve our family goals if we can’t survive as a family. No matter how good I am at painting.
One of my favourite memories as a kid is collecting the football Panini stickers. I never did fill an entire album up, but those in my collection were English football league, which always included the Scottish league as well (I was always disappointed when I got Willie Watters from Kilmarnock instead of Ian Rush) and then there were the World Cup and Euros editions.
The 1988 Euros was my first one but, for anybody my age, the Italia 90 World Cup sticker book was THE collection to have. Panini really stepped up for this particular collection but the event itself was also fantastic as there were so many great teams competing around that time. Brazil, West Germany, Italy, Argentina and the Netherlands all had incredible talent in their squad and, of course, England had Gazza.
Gazza stole the show, but David Platt’s sublime volley against Belgium was a highlight. It was the only match that I missed. For some reason, my school decided to have a parents evening that night. My parents wanted to watch the match too. I remember my mum quickly asking the music teacher if I ‘sang like a bird’ before making a swift exit to get home to see some of the game. We listened to the patrons shouts of anxiety come from the pubs as we walked past each one, so we knew it was a close game. I think, if memory serves, I got to see the goal in extra time.
As it is tradition, I got my two boys their very first sticker album for Russia 2018. Jonas especially has been hooked on football since and I sometimes still see him looking through the pages of his unfinished collection (does anyone ever complete the whole book?!) but as a parent I now realise that these little packets of stickers are an expensive do when your child wants a pack every time they pass a shop.
And the quality isn’t what they used to be. The books aren’t as good somehow, the stickers aren’t as sticky and they don’t include the same facts as the ones I had. I don’t know why I needed to know the height of Toto Schillaci but the information was appreciated.
Jonas and Finlay still ask for Panini sticker albums for major events but they also want to collect Pokémon cards, Brawl Passes, Fortnite Skins and any other tat the shop sells by the tills. Where do we draw the line as parents?!
Anyway, the stickers for the Euro 2024 are also very popular in the Portuguese supermarkets. What information would Panini put on Trent Alexander Arnold’s sticker? Do they put him as a defender, a right back, a midfielder, a DM or an inverted full back? Nobody knows and, more worryingly, neither does Gareth Southgate.
Southgate seems like a great guy. I met him once. Well, I say I met him, but I actually drove past him on the motorway to Middlesbrough. And it might not surprise you that, despite his expensive range rover and my 1.2 Swift, I still managed to overtake him as he hogged the middle lane at 50 mph. True story.
And so then, his conservative approach to his coaching tactics doesn’t surprise me. He is very safe. But to continue the similarities between his motorway driving and his coaching, he might play it a little too safe but he has a knack of getting to his destination. Three years ago he led England to their first major final since 1966. And this year he is trundling along the middle lane in a souped up muscle machine as he gets to his destination. He might be grinding the Bellingham brakes and grinding the Gallagher gears but, I can’t deny, he’s still en route.
Apart from Italia 90, I don’t ever remember really ‘supporting’ an international team in a tournament. Of course I’d like to see England win, but I just don’t get as excited as watching Liverpool in club football. But now I’m living in Portugal, I can just imagine the festas if they were to win it! So England or Portugal for me.
Watching the games with Portuguese commentary has really helped me in learning the language. I’m not sure where phrases like ‘goal kick’, ‘two minutes to go’ or ‘they’ll have to check if that was ball to hand or hand to ball’ will get me in life, but it’s a start.
It’s the quarter finals next. The event has been a nice distraction from the work we have to do here so I’m really enjoying it. But I hope to see two things happen…for Ronaldo to start scoring and for Southgate to risk leaving the middle lane. It’s the only way either of them will see the final.
My two boys are very different. This is something that has always been apparent to me, but now they are developing their own unique personalities at ages 8 and 10, it is wonderful to see how brilliant yet very different they are to each other.
I was concerned when it came to Finlay’s interests. I just wasn’t sure what he wanted to do as an activity outside of school. Jonas was easy. He showed great running ability and ball control skills from when he could stand up! His love of football came during the 2018 World Cup when he was 4 and he seems to have a great knack of understanding most sports quite easily.
But, although Finlay played football, it almost seemed like he wanted to do it to please me or Jonas. As the younger sibling seeing the accolades that his older brother was getting, maybe he just wanted to do the same. I knew though that his heart wasn’t in it and I knew that he could find his own talents and interests elsewhere.
Finlay has got footballing talent, but it is very different to Jonas’. Jonas can take it past a few defenders with either foot and plant a goal in the top corner, but I never fancied him in a 50/50 challenge. After most games I would have to bite my tongue in asking him why it looked like he had bottled a tackle.
Finlay, however, I’d back against anyone in a 50/50. So much so, I’ve heard that Roy Keane has nightmares about coming up against Finlay. Legend has it that Vinnie Jones retired from football after hearing that Finlay was a twinkle in my eye all those years ago. And it just so happens that Diego Someone cancelled Finlay’s trials for Athletico Madrid because he didn’t want his players getting hurt. Even Chuck Norris refused an arm wrestle with Finlay.
Finlay is fearless in competition. I worried about the other kids when he did play football. If they dribbled past him they’d be on the floor, usually from a rugby tackle type bear hug. It didn’t matter how big the other kids were. My ankles would be bruised after a 30 minute kick about in the garden. The last time my ankles looked like that was after marking Dealer Dave from the Swan’s Head in 2002. Finlay is ruthless.
Finlay has shown excellent gymnastics ability. He can cartwheel, hold himself on the rings, balance beam and, probably after watching me, can plank and press up without cheating. In fact, his press ups are super impressive with perfect form. And this discipline has led him to another interest in martial arts.
When Jonas was a toddler it was pretty easy to play ‘tickle monster’ and play fight with him. He would just giggle and roll about. Finlay, however, would fight back. I mean ‘go for the knackers’ fight back. Headbutts, chops to the throat, anything to gain the upper hand on his old dad. Martial arts might just be his thing.
Finding a birthday present was made much easier then. We got him a punch bag and gloves. Lou was apprehensive at first but I have always believed that punch bags and being taught a martial art discipline is good for young people. Well, at any age! It teaches control, technique, following instructions and respect. It can channel anger and create self esteem in its participants.
Indeed, having worked with children in sports I know that, taught correctly and with the right message from a coach, any sport can have this impact and, knowing how a gym environment impacted my young self, once a person finds their happy place in a sporting environment it can be life changing. I knew it was time for Finlay to have a punch bag.
He is extremely happy with his birthday present and in the future we will be looking at him joining a dojo if it is what he wants. But for now he’ll have to settle for me teaching him, as I am Jonas with football. We’re still settling into our new life in Portugal and eager to set up our business to make an income. I can’t do the trips into town each evening until that is sorted. The boys are being patient.
So, happy birthday Finlay. You and Jonas are both wonderful boys. Keep doing what you’re doing.
Never Give Up PT 