I always seem to arrive late to a trend. Although I’ve made up for it since, I never watched Friends when it first aired in the UK. At school I would wonder what a ‘Rachel hairstyle’ was and why everyone was debating whether ‘they were on a break’ or not.
And it was the same for music and fashion. Oasis were selling albums in Poundland by the time I liked their music and I even bought a parka jacket in 2003 to put on and show off my britpop swagger. I was a good 5 years too late though and my hair wouldn’t live forever. I was a bald Liam Gallagher. I had the shades and a rollie cigarette hanging from the mouth.
Could I look any cooler?!
Ah, but that parka jacket. It has 20 years of memories. If you were to dig deep inside the pockets you could probably still make a rollie out of the grains of tobacco that remain.
Me in my younger, cooler days
So when it came to packing up our house, we had to be ruthless. For our move to Portugal, we have decided to be more ‘minimalist’. Not everything in our home can make the cut to be transported over to Portugal. DVD’s took a hit. All I could salvage was my collection of Friday The 13th DVD’s. Labyrinth made its way to the charity shop. A decision I could later regret.
And lots of clothes had to go. I had a phase of buying Penguin shirts from TK Max. I must have been in a slimmer phase when I bought them. They’ve gone. Jeans that I can’t get past my calves when I try to squeeze into them. They’ve gone. There were a pair of undies in the bottom of my drawer too that looked as old as the parka. Fear not, they didn’t get sent to the charity shop. They’ll be recycled into a polishing rag. They’ll be making many a knob shiny in our new house.
But it’s actually getting rid of the parka that was the hardest of all. It was quite a symbolic moment as I made the decision to let it go.
I feel sad that I will never put that big coat on again. And I feel a bit guilty that it will never be worn by me again. Maybe I could go back to the charity shop to buy it back.
I often wonder how I am able to live within the law and the norms of society and be able to be myself, to express myself and pursue what is valuable to me. The journey I am on is investigating this lifestyle which has led us to central Portugal.
Recently I watched a program on UK TV documenting the lives of a couple called Miriam and Peter who, in previous careers, were city workers. They had travelled the world and eventually settled in the remote mountains of Rhodope in Bulgaria where they lived off grid. They invited people to learn survival techniques with them which paid, but the majority of their time was spent hunting for their food and surviving the vast forests.
As much as I admire them, their nomadic lifestyle wouldn’t be right for me and my family. They didn’t have two children for a start and we still very much want us and them to be integrated into society and live in a community that lends itself to helping each other out and working together to provide a healthy, sustainable existence. So we haven’t just closed our eyes and put a pin in the map. Central Portugal was chosen very carefully.
However, getting away from the rat race, from the ‘big smoke’ and the stress that comes with it is appealing. I want a good life. According to planetofsuccess.com the meaning of The Good Life is “living a life that sets you free. A life that satisfies and fulfills you. That adds happiness, joy and a sense of purpose. But it also means to live a life that is worthwhile, that makes a contribution, instead of being solely self centered.”
In a nutshell, that is what I want. And I would urge everyone who wants their definition of The Good Life to go and grab it now. It won’t come easy. Nothing so powerful ever does, but you can make plans.
One reason why the majority of us never do try to find their own personal good life is down to living in fear. We are told to fear God, political regimes, pandemics and war. Sure, they might all exist (depending on your own personal beliefs), but it is drip fed to us daily from media outlets with their own agendas often led by political bias.
In the UK, we are also told to fear small dinghies with people with brown skin on them, Eastern Europeans, those who live in poverty, European laws and unions, green activists and Jeremy Corbyn. Anybody but those in charge of the country and our lives, it seems.
A man on a dinghy crossing the English channel will never impact my life the way the man standing outside 10 Downing Street will. And yet the media are outraged by this man on the dinghy. It injects fear into us. Is he a rapist? Will he go for my job? Will he live off of the state? Is he a terrorist?
The Italian diplomat Niccolo Machiavelli wrote,”Since love and fear can hardly exist together, if we must choose between them, it is far safer to be feared than loved.”
This might mean different things to the reader, but my interpretation of this is that the people need to be kept in line. Allow them to fear certain outcomes and allow them to be angry at each other. Whilst the people of the UK still argue the toss over Brexit, those in a position of power are making more profit than ever. And for those arguing the toss, energy bills get higher and grocery costs go through the roof faster than any other country within the European Union due to goods entering from the EU to the UK and the red tape involved. And leaving the Internal Energy Market has left uncertainty in the UK energy supply meaning rocketing prices.
And that leaves me in this position. Wondering where I can possibly live my life with my family with as much of this ‘good life’ as possible. It is no longer in the UK.
And I am no way blinkered to the trials and tribulations that await in the next part of my journey. There is no fantasy island. Perfection isn’t what I’m expecting.
Just as the shepherd protects his sheep, media outlets will claim that we are being protected from the external attacks and the internal disorder. And even if the grains of truth that are fed to us do protect its people, I’ll always remember that the Shepherd only protects his sheep for his own interests. And when the time comes he will sheer and slaughter them as his interests dictate.
Your boss, your political party leader or any other higher power won’t give you the good life.
YOU will.
YOU will give you and your family the good life. So start planning.
We are all in a constant process of change. How you choose to adapt and evolve is largely down to you as an individual.
Your thoughts and feelings are probably very different to those of 20 years ago. Or 10 years ago. Or one year ago. And even less.
In the time that you click onto this page and read up to this point, your brain has inputted, stored and refreshed this information and it will keep happening every 15 seconds of your life. This continuity field allows the brain to call upon past experiences, snapshots and perceptions and use it in present situations. And because the brain is constantly collecting this information and storing it, we adapt our beliefs, thoughts and feelings along with it.
Once we know and understand this, the quote by Soren Kierkegaard starts to make sense…
“Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.”
The brain is constantly traveling back in time to recall each moment that is relevant for the present experience of the individual. Collecting stored data to form appropriate actions. This is how we are able to scan words when we read.
But, despite these most amazing things happening to our brains, we are the director of change and evolution. This is how habits can be broken and how past experiences can be used for strength, positivity and future happiness.
Heraclitus said…
“No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it’s not the same river and he’s not the same man.”
What did he mean? My interpretation of this is that once you step into a river the water is displaced with new water and the nature of the river is changed permanently. You are also changing.
Just because you have experienced a moment in your life does not mean that you must replay it. It just needs a little rethink, or in the case of your brain, a rewire. We can train our brain to do as we want. We can change what we don’t like, but your brain needs new material to process.
Neuroplasticity is the term used to describe the brain’s ability to adapt to different circumstances throughout your life. Affirmations, which is a technique to instill a positive mindset through repeated words and sentences, is the most popular way of achieving this brain rewire.
Affirmations are often short sentences that can be easily remembered and stored in your brain. And as we have discovered, once your brain has inputted this into its system, it will roll it out when needed.
Governments and ad companies use them too! So it’s not some hocus pocus stuff that some people want to believe.
I’m lovin’ it. Just do it. Get Brexit done. Build a wall. These are just a few examples of successful catchy earworms that are/were repeated to us constantly but there are actually thousands and thousands of other examples of clever affirmations that are instilled into our brain in order for us to act how that particular campaign wants us to act. Well, the good news is that it is actually YOU in control as long as you can counter the influences from around us.
You just need to keep telling yourself and reminding yourself of your aspirations, needs and life goals. If a burger company can make us keep going back to eat burgers with the same texture of cardboard and a government can instruct a whole nation to strip themselves of their rights and leave the EU whilst they titter all the way to their offshore accounts, then I’m sure that we can all manipulate our brains with our own affirmations. Positive affirmations.
When you stand in the river, it changes. Make sure that you change what you want to change too by giving your brain positive things to process. Because when it comes to it, your brain will be using this information to enable you to make those changes.
Continue to remind yourself who and what gets you out of bed each morning. Keep telling yourself how well you could do the new job that you have applied for and repeatedly remind yourself of your health and fitness goals. Write stuff down. Put it on a white board or on the fridge door. Keep your favourite affirmation as a screen saver. Anything at all to allow your brain to compute those words and keep them.
Everything keeps changing. You don’t have to be the one thing that doesn’t.
I didn’t expect to be talking to my 9 year old son about the first law of thermodynamics on a Friday night as I was driving him home from his football practice. My prior thoughts were to get him into his pajamas, tuck him into bed and pour myself a beer while I binge watch Search Party. But he asked about dying, so…
Apparently, he has been struggling to get to sleep over the past few nights worrying about dying. Him dying, his brother dying, me and his mum dying. He was asking about the people in his life who have died. The car fell silent for a moment as I gathered my thoughts for some sort of an answer. An explanation about what he should know and how it could ease his worried little head.
‘The first law of thermodynamics!’ I blurted out as I drove through the dark Scarborough streets.
I went in to explain that, although I don’t believe in an afterlife or a heaven as such, I do believe that our energy continues after we die. I quoted the physicist Aaron Freeman to my son, who stated…
“You want a physicist to speak at your funeral. They can explain to your family that no energy is created and none is destroyed. They can tell your mother that all your energy, every vibration, every Btu of heat, every wave of every particle that was her beloved child remains with her in this world. The energy that flows through our bodies does not disappear, but is simply rearranged.”
Ok, I can’t tell my son that loved ones who die become the little bird that sits on our garden fence each morning, but I can tell him that their energy is as strong as when they was alive. In the first law of thermodynamics, energy does not go anywhere, even if a physical form does.
And this is why our energy is so powerful, right? I mean, the energy, the vibes that we put out into the universe, whether positive or negative, will remain long after our physical self is gone. That’s why a smile, a good deed, a positive affirmation or an act of kindness to yourself or others works so powerfully. This energy can change lives, even when our physical form is not around.
‘We only live once’ is a saying that we’ve all heard a million times before. Well, the body that you are in will only live once and it is important to treat that body with the love and respect that it deserves. I make many decisions based on this. I want to take my physical self to new experiences and push it to new levels whether in the gym or in learning new things. The body and the mind need to be exposed to exciting new challenges.
My energy won’t grow or multiply by achieving different things in this physical form. The first law of thermodynamics tells me that. But I might just be able to leave behind some positive energy. Forever.
I’ve heard it said a thousand times. I’ve probably said it myself. To emphasise the words to the listeners, we point, seethe and widely open our eyes with a rage that boils inside of us.
“I would die for my kids.”
What passion and dedication. And yet I have never heard the alternative to this being said with such dedication before.
Imagine if we were to say,”I will live for my kids,” with the same rush of blood that sparks the same passion as to die for your kids.
I believe anyone who tells me that they would die for their child, but would they LIVE for their child? Would they change attitudes and teach their children about love and respect? Would they choose healthier foods to feed themselves and their children? Would they become more active so they remain strong and healthy? Would they change their lifestyle so that their children can imitate a well rounded person?
Children are great imitators, so give them something great to imitate.
Dying is easy. You only have to do that once. You have to live every day. Do it with the same passion and commitment that you would if you had to die for your child.
I’ve changed a lot since becoming a father. Unrecognisable really. The younger, childless me was pretty care free. Sure, I had moments of angst and bouts of depression, but this was usually countered by alcohol or other recreational medication. Of course, this made things worse. Still, I held down a good job and had a couple of ‘serious’ relationships. My parents were, to the best of my knowledge , happy. I had friends. I had money, albeit spending it on the wrong things. Nothing too spectacular to see here.
I would describe myself as a pretty average 20 something living in Leeds (or at least, those that I knew!). I wasn’t a bad person. Think Joey or Chandler from Friends. I worked and had adult responsibilities, but I also liked to goof around playing Foosball (pool) with my mates rather than entering real life situations.
Meeting my future wife was a turning point, but, even then, I was crap with responsibility and being an adult.
And then I became a father. The ton of bricks hit me immediately. I took control. I knew that I couldn’t simply click my fingers and be the world’s best dad. I had to work on myself. The sign would say “Work In Progress”. It still does.
I now prepare for a future away from the next visit to the pool hall and a pint of Stella. I put commitments and plans in place way beyond what I do on a weekend as I used to navigate my time around the next Liverpool match or box set. My vision has become based upon my kids secondary school, their teenage years, further education, lifestyle, their careers and their opportunities and lives when I’m no longer around. Everything I do now is for them. Every gym visit, every job I undertake and every move in this game of chess called life is about what will benefit my children.
Seven years ago, with a baby just a few months old, my wife and I made a decision. The day after the UK had decided to leave the EU, we decided to leave the UK. I understand now, however difficult to get my head around it, that the majority of voters wanted Brexit. But we didn’t. I could see no solid evidence of happy endings from a country trying to recover from a recession leaving one of the largest economies in the world. And with the political landscape across the globe in such a panic in regards to war, terrorism and (later) pandemics, I felt that we needed to build friendships, allies and be united against those trying to harm our way of life. Now was not the time to create division.
Our decision to leave the UK wouldn’t have been so concrete if it hadn’t been for our children. We believe that our children will have better opportunities with the options to study, live and work with the freedom to move into 28 other countries. Once we make the move to Portugal (Visa pending now of course) our children will be EU citizens again and will be able to give them what we in the UK once had.
I sometimes wish that I had travelled and worked in different countries when I was younger. Learning new languages and meeting different people and cultures is a great way to discover the world we live in.
I want my kids to take away the blinkers and discover their world for themselves. To see and experience new things. I guess this is why we moved to Scarborough on the east coast of England before really putting our European plan into action. I loved Scarborough growing up as a kid. My kids love Scarborough now. We all do. But we also know that there are more adventures to be had elsewhere.
The more experiences that we can provide for our children, the easier their transition into adulthood can be. Soon, they’ll be sitting in a classroom having to understand Portuguese. That will be daunting for them, I know. But if they can overcome that, then not only will they acquire very good skills in the Portuguese language, but they will have less fear when it comes to their first day at Uni or traveling to a different country for a job opportunity. It will take them out of their comfort zone and into a world of opportunities.
Yes, I’ve changed a lot since becoming a father. I realized that I had to leave MY comfort zone. I had to start making decisions that were right for this tiny human being I held in my hands. And wherever it takes us, it is done with their wellbeing in mind.
As a senior in my previous career I had to interview people for new job roles. It was an uncomfortable role. I knew what it was like to sit down in an interview room with three strangers judging the way I dressed, introduced myself and answered their questions.
On one occasion a guy walked in for his interview. Quite a confident chap, or so he portrayed, and a little different from the other interviewees. One of my questions was…
“Where do you see yourself in five years time?”
With hardly any hesitation, he looked straight at me and said…
“Where you’re sitting.”
I tried to keep my poker face, interviewer style persona about me but I just loved his answer. I grabbed my pen and put a big 10/10 on my question sheet.
I left the company a couple of years later and, in keeping in touch with old friends at the workplace, found that he had indeed started to sit in my chair doing my old job.
I used to hate that question. It isn’t down to a lack of ambition, but I couldn’t honestly tell any prospective employer that I would not only be still at the company in five years time but I’d be a senior within it.
And yet I understand entirely the need for planning. I plan fitness plans 2 or 3 years ahead in some cases. Olympians need to plan four years in advance to achieve a weight target, a strength goal and an incredible amount of ability in their field for them to compete. My own fitness plan is an annual plan.
And although life throws hurdles that I need to jump, my fitness plan stays on track. But I’m qualified to deal with that. I’m experienced in knowing where the pit falls will be and how to overcome it. As a Personal Trainer, it is simply a part of my job. I see the pit falls before my clients do. That’s how I can prepare them for their fitness goals.
However, there’s no text book or a University of Parenting. There isn’t a rule in how to be self employed during and after Covid lockdowns or a cost of living crisis and there’s no secret formula to a happy marriage. We have to, somehow, stumble through life doing the best we can. Often, we have to wing it.
My wife and I had a five year plan of moving to France. This was about 6 years ago. This was being planned quite well until March 2020 when the UK went into lockdown. As two self employed workers who were not classed as ‘key workers’ we had to stay indoors with our two boys. Slowly, our France fund and all of our savings disappeared.
My time structuring hypertrophy programmes, weight loss plans and sport specific macrocycles counted for nothing when we were faced with a life changing event that could not be stopped. This sort of event was not planned.
And so here we are coming to the end of 2022. We have dusted ourselves off and began to think about our future again. But a five year plan? Oh no. Not this time. This time, we’re looking to see what we can achieve next year. We can’t wait for another financial crash, a pandemic or another dodgy mini budget from a chancellor. We need to act quickly.
Our plan has become so pragmatic that it is something that is unknown to my wife and I. We have moved around the North of England quite a bit in our 15 years together so a house move doesn’t bother us. But this time we leave the country. In 2023, we move to Portugal.
The kids are pretty cool with the idea. I’m sure they’re a little miffed that they’ve just learnt the basics in French and now I’m trying to speak Portuguese to them. I’m doing quite well on Duolingo. I can now say “The armadillo reads the newspaper” in fluent Portuguese.
Our skills can be transferred and our immediate plan is to create wellness vacations for tourists and spa days for visitors and locals alike. If nothing else, it will be a challenge that we haven’t yet done. It’ll be an adventure. Only time will tell on the level of success we have.
Do you ever get the feeling that you keep promising yourself something and it never happens? Our five year plan could have easily turned into another five year plan, and another, and another. But I don’t want to grow old with a bunch of “What ifs”.
Sure, life can upset the norm sometimes but if things go wrong I want it to be on my terms. I want to own my mistakes if, indeed, there are any. And whether I do this in parenting, my health and fitness, our marriage, our business ventures and where we live then I want it to be my journey. One that I take charge of with my family.
And if I wait another five years I am giving the Universe a chance to throw me another curve ball or I might even Invent a problem myself that isn’t actually there!
Above is a link to my recently recorded meditation guide I entitled Goal Setting.
We get so fixated on the goal sometimes instead of the little challenges that we overcome to have to reach the big stuff. Those little steps, the 1%, amounts to great things if you perceiver and confidently follow the process.
Every day there should be a time to reflect on your goals and expect that some days won’t always be the best. But as long as you acknowledge them and move on then you will still get to where you want to be.
Ah, the comfort zone. Has anybody told you to get out of your comfort zone? It’s been said to me many times, usually back in my 20’s some vgdguvidrdddyuhd years ago.
But what is it? And how do you know how to get out of it if you don’t know what it is?!
Your comfort zone is unique to you. Your comfort zone will be an absolute terrible experience to some people. And therefore being out of your comfort zone is a unique experience that belongs to you too.
I can guarantee that there are people in the UK right now who have to get out of their comfort zone by getting out of bed, leaving the house or having to talk to another human being. Perhaps you are one of these people and this resonates with you. You are not alone.
According to a study by mentalhealth.org.uk in 2014 almost 20% of over 16 year olds were showing symptoms of anxiety or depression. With the difficulties many of us have faced in the past couple of years I can’t imagine this statistic improving.
So then, for our mental and physical fitness, to get out of our comfort zone means something very different to each person that I speak to. To some it is lifting a certain weight that they have never lifted before. To others it is running a distance that they haven’t been able to reach before. Or it could be training for an important event that they’ve never competed in before. Maybe it’s taking that first step into the gym or fitness class. But simply buying some trainers or walking boots and taking a walk each day is a massive positive step too.
Walking is just as much of a mood booster as a set of deadlifts. I enjoy both. I enjoy the feeling that I get once it is completed. During physical activities can be tough and testing of course, but I enjoy the rhythm of the repetition of resistance training. When I walk I enjoy gathering my thoughts or sharing ideas with a walking partner. It is therapy.
When I think of the current clutter in my head that is all of the stuff that requires being out of my comfort zone I think of starting my new YouTube channel. Social media can be brutal. But I’m doing it for my next out of my comfort zone challenge, which is becoming a meditation guide. If people don’t know that I exist then I’ll never coach or guide anybody. So I have to be brave in trying something that is very different for me.
And my other fear is ringing my bank to ask why the Sky direct debit has been cancelled. Really, the thought of speaking to my bank sends me into a panic! I can teach a class of 30 people and pretend to be Freddie Mercury in front of a hundred holiday makers in Lanzarote (I might have had a few drinks for that one) but the thought of having to speak to my bank on the phone sends me in a right tizz.
They will ask me for my password. I don’t know what it is! They need my date of birth. I always get tongue tied with that? They’ll need information from me that I know but when they ask me I’ll have no idea at all! My wife keeps on top of all of this stuff, but the Sky payments are in my name.
I know it’ll sound ridiculous to some people, but it’ll strike a chord with others. I’m not the only one who hates official phone calls with strangers.
And that’s why we are all different. I’m nervous about going into the gym every day, yet I’m a PT! How can that be?! I mix it up with a bit of being the Joker and being professional (I’m confident that I know my job, which helps) but it doesn’t stop me from getting butterflies sometimes. The adrenaline keeps me passionate. Maybe it’s when I stop getting nervous that I should be worried.
The final word…
Our comfort zone is one to break free of now and again but only when the time is right for you. And once you are out of it, then it is for you to decide how far you can go. But if you get the small stuff right to begin with it can lead to bigger things. Give it a go. As for me, my little step is to ring my bloody bank this afternoon. Wish me luck!
Father’s Day and the whole of the weekend was a nutritional disaster. Well, actually it wasn’t. I bloody loved my low value nutritional feast! What’s disastrous about that? But here’s why I allowed such a diet and why I can look back at a great weekend guilt free…
On Saturday (the day before Father’s Day) I met up with my dad with my family and his friends in a beer garden at Cayton Bay. Firstly I was happy to drive. A few hours drinking in the sun doesn’t appeal to me like it did once upon a time. I have kids, I have an online business that can require my attention at any time and I’m a tight Yorkshireman. Pints were £1.50 the last time I had any interest in drinking all day in a pub beer garden. So me not drinking didn’t have anything to do with my diet which requires me to be in a calorie deficit. I made up with it with the BBQ that the pub had provided.
On the Sunday we travelled to see my in laws. Graham’s famous paella was on offer plus burgers and chips. It was on offer so, of course, I ate it. Over the two days here’s what I had to eat in total…
* 6 scrambled eggs with two slices of tiger bread
* 4 cheese burgers
* 1 wild boar hot dog
* beef curry and fried rice takeaway
* 4 portions of chips
* Seafood salad
* 1 family sized bar of chocolate
* half box of Pringles
My protein is actually quite high from the weekend, but so are my calories! And I don’t care.
There are occasions in the year that we need to give ourselves a break. I’m dedicated to my goals but, because I’m dedicated, I don’t allow my goals to become a chain around my neck. I make sure that I don’t resent my goals or the process. I’m not an athlete. Yes, I’m a Personal Trainer but I’m also a regular person that wants to enjoy family holidays, Christmas, anniversaries and family gatherings. I’m not a footballer going to bed early on Christmas night because of the early kick off on Boxing Day. Pay me a Premier League wage and I’ll do it!
But I am mentally prepared for what these ‘breaks’ within my goals will require. It means that today, the day after my indulgence, I have to become disciplined again. By the end of the week any added calories from the weekend will be balanced out with structure and commitment. I can still enjoy these moments with my family and bring my nutrition, macros and calories back in line without anxiety.
I chose to binge and over indulge at the weekend. I now choose to track calories and my nutrition. I choose to train hard this week and at least make use of all the energy that I put into my body! It is all my choice. Not once did I feel out of control.
I work with some people who are trying to find that balance. One high calorie and low nutrition day can create their eating habits to spiral. One day leads to another. And another. They become frustrated and angry with themselves and they feel like giving in.
But I need to tell them and anyone who will listen that they don’t have to! One, two bad days. Jeez even a week of poor choices doesn’t ruin their hard work. What they do with their next week might and the week after that perhaps. Because that is where habits begin to form. But a few days? No. Not if they remain in control.
We can choose the high calorie and low nutrition foods if we know that we won’t be anxious about it. Enjoy it and move on. But it’s the moving on that is the vital component. We need to move on from poor food choices.
I felt great this morning. I had a lovely weekend celebrating Father’s Day. I ate what I wanted with no regrets and I was ready to focus once again. In many ways I think I needed that weekend. I needed to break the monotony of my structure. As much as I enjoy my structure, I like burgers and Chinese takeaway too!
And Here’s The Icing On The Cake…
The saying “You can’t outrun a bad diet” is true. Because eventually your poor choices will catch up with you and running will become harder anyway. But if you have structure with your meals and in your workouts then you can outrun a poor day, weekend or holiday. And then the only reason it would be poor is if you didn’t enjoy it and you became anxious about the calorie density of each choice. It would only be poor if you allowed yourself to form negative habits around food.
I enjoy food. All food. But I remain in control and look forward to another occasion where I can over indulge again. But until then, I choose to be in control of my diet and enjoy the process and its results.
Thank you for taking the time to read this article. See you soon!
Never Give Up PT 