My friends would perhaps describe my football managerial skills as more Bobby Ball than the great Bobby Robson, but as I paced the touchline of my son’s under 9’s match like a semi final at Italia 90 I spotted a leaf. Upon it sat a lady bug. I was compelled to take a picture.
Of course, my phone camera is always out on match day in the event of catching a left foot volley. That would have been lovely to see too, but this morning the lady bug was just the tonic.
I felt a bit low this morning. No particular reason. I know that seasonal adjustment symptoms seem to kick in around this time of year. It could be that. Or it could be a simple matter of it being two episodes away from completing the full 6 series of Better Call Saul. Quite possibly the best TV series I’ve ever seen. What will we watch after that?! Whatever caused my sadness this morning, it was a lady bug that cheered me up.
We tend to dream too big too quickly. We want to see the end goal with a click of the fingers. The problem is we miss the small matters that knit things together. It’s the little things that make the big dreams happen. It’s easy to forget.
And this morning I had forgotten that. Wind swept, cold and damp in a field when I’d had a rotten night’s sleep made me grumpy. Sure, watching my son play football always cheers me up and that adds to one of the little pieces that eventually creates a bigger picture. But for that moment in time it was the lady bug that caught my attention and made me smile.
The universe can be cruel yet deliver us with such beauty too. And that beauty that kept me grounded today was a lady bug. Not even a left foot volley would have beaten it.
“Speak to your children as if they are the wisest, kindest most beautiful and magical humans on Earth. For what they believe, they will become.”
Jonas is an 8 year old boy. He lives with his younger brother Finlay, who is 6, and mum and dad. He lives in a house with a garden so he can play football, which he does often, and he has his own bedroom. His mum and dad work and have their own businesses, which can give them a little bit of freedom regarding setting their appointments around spending time as a family. It is considered a safe and loving environment.
Jonas is a quiet, timid boy. Yet this is perhaps not always recognized by adults that meet him for the first time. His smiley face and big curly hair can give the impression of a confident child. Plus, as a talented footballer, he can play with quite a swagger. It is easy to think of him as a relaxed, calm little boy.
For as long as his parents can remember, Jonas has always shown empathy to others. This can lead him to worry or to become concerned over matters out of his control. Since learning about events in the Bible, he gets very upset for Jesus at Easter time. And he won’t watch Home Alone at Christmas as he gets fearful of the bad men attacking the little boy. This has been a cause for poor nights sleep at times.
And then, just a few months after he turned six, Covid happened. The lockdowns turned this little boy’s world upside down. For the natural worrier, this event was a major setback. His parents too, like so many people, had to find ways to overcome this crisis that had never been encountered before. Unable to work, bills still arriving, concerned for elderly loved ones and with two children unable to see their friends, Jonas’ parents had to dig deep within their resources. They were, however, determined to keep some amount of stability in the most uncertain of times. As a family they would do the Joe Wicks morning workouts, watch BBC Bytesize to help with their children’s schoolwork and go for regular local walks.
But Jonas stopped responding to these daily tasks. He would take himself away for hours at a time to watch TV on his own. He wouldn’t talk about his feelings. A walk was met with a groan and even playing football in the garden rarely happened. His brother, Finlay, also became less motivated but, perhaps because of his younger age, he didn’t understand the magnitude of what he was living through. Jonas did. He overheard many times about ‘death counts’ on the news. Something that his parents would try to hide or mute, but being in the house together for months at a time it wasn’t always easy to keep the news and the daily updates and announcements away from listening ears. And as the laws kept changing in regards to bubbles and the like, his parents had to keep on top of the latest developments.
Eventually, Jonas developed a number of ticks that he couldn’t control. The one with the most impact was a throat clearing tick. He struggled to complete sentences due to his need to clear his throat and his sleep suffered further. This continued when he went back to school and his parents informed his teachers. Jonas’school has been amazing in dealing with the children’s anxieties. His parents are thankful for the school’s ongoing support. Jonas’ ticks still exist, but take on many different forms. His latest one, which is to smell his hand, is less intrusive to him and his classmates.
As has been outlined, Jonas is a very clever and thoughtful boy. He is very aware of his surroundings and the world in which he lives. Since the last lockdown, world events such as the trouble in Afghanistan and the problems in the Ukraine are concerning to him. He has welcomed lots of refugee children and he and his brother also volunteered at a Christian charity to sort out clothes for them. But these unsettling events have led to Jonas believing that any aircraft flying overhead might be going to war or are here to drop bombs. Armed forces day was a particularly tough day for him.
But his parents have always offered reassurance and allow Jonas to express his concerns. His parents are both in the health and wellbeing industry and understand the importance of talking about how we feel. Recently, they introduced meditation to their children. This seems to be a very successful tool for Jonas. Now, almost every night, Jonas requests a meditation guide before going to sleep. His parents have observed that his sleep has never been so good and he can now relax much easier throughout the day.
Jonas remains a little distant from his friends. He didn’t want to do Zoom calls during lockdowns, for example, and perhaps while his friends were still building on their relationships through staying in touch in this way, Jonas might have lost some ground in this area of development. He does seem, however, to be a well liked boy and doesn’t appear to have issues with any other child.
Jonas’ appetite for meditation comes from the empowering nature of the process. During his guided visualizations he has travelled on a cloud, rode on the back of a giant white bird, went to the moon on a space ship and played at the play park with his favourite teddies. Which child wouldn’t want to imagine these lovely thoughts? This process puts them as the central character of this wonderful story that they can develop themselves. They are in control and in a world where some of our children might feel that they have no control, or might feel sad or have worries, empowering them when we can might play a significantly positive part in their mental health, their character development and in their learning as it is for Jonas.
For those of you who are unaware, Jonas is my son. Jonas and Finlay are the most beautiful boys who are two well behaved children. Yes, they bicker, they don’t always tidy up after themselves, they don’t always follow instructions and they do all of the naughty things that you’d expect from 6 and 8 year olds. But they have good hearts and are very kind people.
Now is the time to start recognising our children’s needs. Sometimes we might just need to listen to them. Perhaps they just need a kind word of encouragement. But most of all we must provide a safe place, a sanctuary, in which they are able to open up and allow them to explore their feelings and emotions without them simmering deep inside. As with adults, blocking our emotions can be damaging. Imagine what a child goes through without their maturity to deal with perspective or a clear thought process to channel their feelings.
All of our children deserve to be given every opportunity to be happy. To live without constant fear. To have a safe environment in which to develop and learn. Jonas comes from a safe and stable home, but many children don’t. If we can give them just a small piece of tranquility, shouldn’t we do it?
So, what have you got planned this week? What steps have you put in place to make sure you get stuff done?
I’m not the type that expects us to be on the go all the time and we MUST be always busy with something. I enjoy down time with a series on Netflix or watching about five episodes of Come Dine With Me in one night (I know, we’re odd). But to comfortably manage the down time, it’s good to have a plan of action for the stuff that needs to get done first.
It is Sunday evening. To be honest it’s got to that time of day where I’ll be happy to get the kids to bed and lay on the sofa in my under crackers watching people slate each other’s dinner parties. But before I do, I just need to give a little thought to my week ahead. Planning a packed lunch for tomorrow will only take ten minutes. Sorting my gym bag out, 5 minutes. I don’t book onto gym classes but if I did I’d do it right now before it gets filled up. I know the days and roughly the times I will train. My diary is sorted for my appointments and I’ve discussed what the family activity will be on Wednesday when we all have the day together.
I’m not the best organised person. I’m quite laid back with my approach to planning. But I know that I need to give myself a kick up the arse sometimes so that, come tomorrow, I’m not left rushing about because I didn’t bother to give any consideration to the days ahead.
Just having an idea of my week ahead can ease my cluttered brain. Things happen. Curve balls are thrown and as Robert Burns once said, “even the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry”. But it is much more difficult to stumble through an unplanned day than it is to fix or rearrange ones that didn’t work out.
Anyway, I’m not getting any planning done, Come Dine With Me watching or under cracker wearing right now so I’d best be off to do a bit. I’m overseeing over a hundred kids at a summer multi sports camp tomorrow so I’ll quickly make my sarnies and get some rest before the proverbial hits!!
Me trying to decide on my Take That undies or my Batman briefs for slobbing on the sofa to watch tele.
We’ve all heard of the expression ‘Stuck in a rut’. Typically I see this with workouts that gym goers perform day after day.
‘Shay, I’m just not seeing any more progress’. This is regularly said to me. In some cases, I have people tell me that not only do they stop seeing progress, but they see regression.
This isn’t new or something that is confined to our fitness. We get stuck in a rut in life too. Our jobs can be like Groundhog Day. Our social life gets tedious. Yes, listening to John in the Nag’s Head complain about VAR for the third time this week gets boring. And our relationships can lose their spark.
Change is not a bad thing. It doesn’t need a whole reinvention of yourself. But it does need a bit of thought on how you can adapt to today’s you.
Last year’s you might have got excited about a 5k run, but today’s you doesn’t.
Your job might have challenged you when you started it 5 years ago, but today’s you isn’t.
Going to the pub at the end of your shift was a way of unwinding ten years ago, but today’s you doesn’t.
And your partner used to love watching a Steven Segal boxset on an evening with you when you first got together, but be careful, they might have changed.
Change the formula.
You’re not stuck. You’re just committed to certain patterns of behaviour because they helped you in the past. Now, these behaviours have become more harmful than helpful. The reason why you can’t move forward is because you keep applying an old formula to a new level in your life. Change the formula for a different result. Love and respect the person that got you here, but have the same love and respect for the future you too.
Thank you for reading my article. Speak soon!
“Hello dear. Do you fancy a Columbo boxset tonight instead of Steven Segal. I read some article online saying it might spice things up a bit.”
Scarborough is a small town. It’s the sort of place that if you go into the town centre you will probably know somebody to say hello to. Train in a gym with almost 3,000 members and the chances are that I will definitely see somebody I know.
Had they seen me in a bar this lunch time they would have found me with a large gin and tonic and some ‘dirty fries’. When I ordered them I imagined some chips with a sprinkling of grated cheese. What I actually got was a bag of potatoes, a pack of bacon and a block of cheese squeezed into a good sized pasta bowl. This wasn’t the amuse bouche that I had visioned in my mind, but it was one my belly was happy to try.
I wished a client of mine would’ve walked in as I slurped the stringy melted cheese into my mouth. If only to keep proving my point. I keep reiterating my point regarding food and weight management…eat it. All of it. If it fits your daily calories, eat it and enjoy it. But there’s a slight caveat. Just one little rule.
If you aren’t going to cut out the low nutrition foods, then you must keep the nutritionally dense foods high. Whether you are very active with fitness goals or more sedentary, keep the nutritionally dense foods high.
You see, I don’t believe in banning food types. If you want to stop off at a bar and order a truck full of McCain’s Chips then do it, as long as your weekly macros are met. Yes, weekly. Some days your carbs might be up, but if you keep the nutritionally dense and high protein foods a priority over the course of the week then your calories and macros will average out. Judging your Journey on just one day will serve you no purpose.
I knew that I could eat some greasy cheesy chips today. I count my calories.
Now, if you read the newspapers you might gasp in horror at the knowledge that I count calories and I also endorse it for others. The one exception being anybody suffering from an eating disorder. In which case they don’t need me, they need professional medical support.
But the media seem to be very negative towards counting calories. Which is interested, because they print lots of other methods such as 5:2, Intermittent fasting and promote large dieting companies who count ‘syns’.
My conclusion is that counting calories isn’t sexy. It isn’t a buzz word or trending on Twitter. And if it isn’t a large company paying a newspaper to advertise their diet or a book publisher paying them to flog Michael Mosley’s new fad diet, then it gets demonized as wrong.
If I go into a shop and see something that I want to buy I will check my bank balance before I purchase it. That’s just simple accounting.
If I go to the carpet fitters I will take the measurements of the room that I wish to have carpeted with me. That is just common sense.
If I take my son to buy a pair of shoes I will ask the assistant to measure his feet first. Efficient.
And if I want some dirty fries washed down with a gin and tonic I will make sure that my meals around this tasty treat are low in calories and high in nutrition. No anxiety or concerns.
I get what I want now and again and I also get to keep my body on track with my fitness goals. And a part of my fitness goals is my mental health, therefore stressing at banning all of the foods that I enjoy is not something that I consider healthy. I have a good relationship with food. I don’t want to feel anxious about being in a social environment and seeing half of the food on the menu to be cancelled for me.
I don’t develope programmes or challenges for my clients if I wouldn’t do it myself. So occasionally doing my own Balanced Plate Challenge works for me. My clients succeed, why shouldn’t I enjoy my own methods too?!
And so it’s time to make my smoothie. With plenty of spinach and fruit in there my body will still know that I love it. And it might even get another bowl of dirty fries again next week!
You have this cool programme that you developed/got off YouTube/received from a trainer about 6 months ago and it was fantastic.
It excited you, gave you a new purpose in the gym and got you some kick ass results. For the first time in a long time, you had a new belief in reaching your goals.
It was amazing. WAS.
But now, 6 months on, it all feels like a slog. The thought of going to the gym isn’t exciting you any more like it did. The results are slow if any at all and you’ve started to feel the injury niggles from repeating the same old exercises. Day in… Day out.
>sigh< “here we go again” you say as you enter the gym doors.
You start to blame yourself. Are you tired? Is your mind just not in the game anymore? Is it just an age thing? Are you eating right?
The odd day off creeps in where you would usually have gotten to the gym. A few mates are having a pint after work. It’s tempting. The gym bag gets thrown back into the boot of the car. Or the early morning start where you once jumped out of bed to get a workout in before work has gone. Now the snooze button seems like a better option.
If any of this sounds familiar then the chances are is that your programme has run its course. I’d estimate that it’s probably a good four months out of date.
Not only does a progressive programme last over months and in some cases years, but keeping a check on the finer details like rest periods, weights, reps and sets becomes essential to a trainees goals.
If you have a workout plan that you repeat every week without a direction beyond that plan then it will become stagnant. You become demoralised and you give up. Or you become demoralised and injury gives you little option but to give up.
Internet workouts perplex me. They appeal to people because they are free. I’ve been there. The free option was like finding a cheat sheet. A short cut that didn’t cost a penny. And the guy posting it was jacked. ‘That’ll be me soon,” I thought.
Programming isn’t a one size fits all. And if you are lucky enough to find something that works to begin with, then eventually, without auditing, you will be forever treading water. It will become a tired workout. You’ll become tired.
Assessing your progress every 6-8 weeks should be as much a part of your training as perfecting your squat or your bench. Knowing how and when to tweak your workouts is a skill. I only acquired this skill when I was studying for my PT qualifications. Since then I’ve written thousands of programmes.
If only I’d have known how to audit my fitness 20 years ago when I was at my physical prime. In truth, I didn’t have a clue back then.
I don’t blame myself or anyone else for not auditing and following a progressive programme. There’s so much confusing information out there and, as I say, it’s a skill. A skill that I learnt and became qualified in.
Why wouldn’t you try out free workouts online? After all, I wouldn’t trust most PT’s in mainstream gyms anyway. I honestly can’t tell if they’re giving the gym member an induction or a training session, such is the lack of passion in their approach.
But very good PT’s do exist. Ones who are fully self employed are generally 100% committed and knowledgeable to their clients. They have to be. If they fail then nobody will pay them. If they don’t get paid they don’t have a job. I literally go to sleep at night thinking about programmes or tomorrow’s sessions. I have to. I’m the one who will help my clients audit their workouts. I need to know every tweak for over 20 programmes at any one time.
The Bottom Line
Any new workout usually works for a time. They often work muscle groups that haven’t been worked before and muscle soreness feels intense but satisfying. But the body adapts and with it so must your programme. How you adapt it is what will keep getting you the results.
Above is a link to my recently recorded meditation guide I entitled Goal Setting.
We get so fixated on the goal sometimes instead of the little challenges that we overcome to have to reach the big stuff. Those little steps, the 1%, amounts to great things if you perceiver and confidently follow the process.
Every day there should be a time to reflect on your goals and expect that some days won’t always be the best. But as long as you acknowledge them and move on then you will still get to where you want to be.
Here is a link to my Calm Mind meditation that I recently recorded. A bit wierd meditating to my own voice! But I’ve done it a couple of times and find it quite relaxing.
Like with most kids (and many adults) they can be fussy around certain foods. Textures, tastes and smells can put a kid right off. If only a banana looked like a chicken dipper!
My youngest has started to check his food to the extend of him looking at a slice of melon like Gil Grissom analysing a crime scene.
Finlay examines the black bits on the watermelon
And I must admit, there are foods that I wouldn’t be too fond of eating if they were put on a plate for me. Medjool dates are a prime example. But if I prepare them with lots of other fruit and vegetables into a smoothie then I can enjoy them.
I have found this with my kids, especially if they prepare their own smoothies and experiment with different ingredients then there is a much greater chance of them getting the nutrients and vitamins that they need without the fuss.
This morning they prepared a banana, strawberry, orange juice and spinach smoothie. They hate bananas and spinach and my youngest doesn’t like strawberries, but they enjoyed the process of creating their own smoothie and were pleased with what they had come up with. They felt empowered.
I have a smoothie at least once a day. A zesty citrus ensemble on a morning and usually a banana, milk and protein powder later in the afternoon. I find that smoothies can…
* Stops the hunger pangs and feeling snacky.
*Wake me up on a morning.
* Fit into my calorie and macro goals and I am getting the fibre into my body that I wouldn’t get if I were eating a meal.
Although I would never consider them a meal replacement, I do put ingredients into a smoothie that I would not make into a meal. I know that I wouldn’t eat the recommended daily fruit and veg that I need if I had to prepare it as part of a meal. I enjoy cooking, but sometimes life doesn’t allow us the time to spend on making the perfect balanced meal. This is why the convenience of a smoothie maker works for me and my family.
One of my biggest concerns is for my kids to be getting good nutritious food into them each day. It’s a constant battle. And when I know what they have as school dinners the need to feed them proper food at home is even more important. I’m not looking for clean eating and banning foods for me or my kids, but a balanced approach is a sensible one. And so far it’s working!
Ah, the comfort zone. Has anybody told you to get out of your comfort zone? It’s been said to me many times, usually back in my 20’s some vgdguvidrdddyuhd years ago.
But what is it? And how do you know how to get out of it if you don’t know what it is?!
Your comfort zone is unique to you. Your comfort zone will be an absolute terrible experience to some people. And therefore being out of your comfort zone is a unique experience that belongs to you too.
I can guarantee that there are people in the UK right now who have to get out of their comfort zone by getting out of bed, leaving the house or having to talk to another human being. Perhaps you are one of these people and this resonates with you. You are not alone.
According to a study by mentalhealth.org.uk in 2014 almost 20% of over 16 year olds were showing symptoms of anxiety or depression. With the difficulties many of us have faced in the past couple of years I can’t imagine this statistic improving.
So then, for our mental and physical fitness, to get out of our comfort zone means something very different to each person that I speak to. To some it is lifting a certain weight that they have never lifted before. To others it is running a distance that they haven’t been able to reach before. Or it could be training for an important event that they’ve never competed in before. Maybe it’s taking that first step into the gym or fitness class. But simply buying some trainers or walking boots and taking a walk each day is a massive positive step too.
Walking is just as much of a mood booster as a set of deadlifts. I enjoy both. I enjoy the feeling that I get once it is completed. During physical activities can be tough and testing of course, but I enjoy the rhythm of the repetition of resistance training. When I walk I enjoy gathering my thoughts or sharing ideas with a walking partner. It is therapy.
When I think of the current clutter in my head that is all of the stuff that requires being out of my comfort zone I think of starting my new YouTube channel. Social media can be brutal. But I’m doing it for my next out of my comfort zone challenge, which is becoming a meditation guide. If people don’t know that I exist then I’ll never coach or guide anybody. So I have to be brave in trying something that is very different for me.
And my other fear is ringing my bank to ask why the Sky direct debit has been cancelled. Really, the thought of speaking to my bank sends me into a panic! I can teach a class of 30 people and pretend to be Freddie Mercury in front of a hundred holiday makers in Lanzarote (I might have had a few drinks for that one) but the thought of having to speak to my bank on the phone sends me in a right tizz.
They will ask me for my password. I don’t know what it is! They need my date of birth. I always get tongue tied with that? They’ll need information from me that I know but when they ask me I’ll have no idea at all! My wife keeps on top of all of this stuff, but the Sky payments are in my name.
I know it’ll sound ridiculous to some people, but it’ll strike a chord with others. I’m not the only one who hates official phone calls with strangers.
And that’s why we are all different. I’m nervous about going into the gym every day, yet I’m a PT! How can that be?! I mix it up with a bit of being the Joker and being professional (I’m confident that I know my job, which helps) but it doesn’t stop me from getting butterflies sometimes. The adrenaline keeps me passionate. Maybe it’s when I stop getting nervous that I should be worried.
The final word…
Our comfort zone is one to break free of now and again but only when the time is right for you. And once you are out of it, then it is for you to decide how far you can go. But if you get the small stuff right to begin with it can lead to bigger things. Give it a go. As for me, my little step is to ring my bloody bank this afternoon. Wish me luck!
Never Give Up PT 