behaviour – Page 14 – Never Give Up PT

Never Give Up!

I usually leave the gym disappointed. Yes I’m exhilarated and I’m feeling pumped, but there’s a feeling of defeat too.

The thing is that was my aim. Almost every gym session, I push my body to a point that cannot do anymore. To evolve, grow or transform I know that there has to be a point that the body will react to the need to change. But I leave disappointed regardless thinking I could do one or two more reps, take on a new, higher weight or run faster.

Success is not final, failure is not fatal. It is the courage to continue that counts. Never give up.

I’m not superhuman. I’ve got the generics that I have. I can’t change that. In fact I’m fairly lucky with the genetics I have. But I’m not picking the 50k dumbbells up and chest pressing them just yet. I know that I probably never will. I know that, but my body doesn’t. So I keep pressing. Sometimes more reps, more sets. Sometimes a higher weight. There comes a point though, that no matter how strong we get or how fast we run there will be a number that our physical makeup cannot obtain. Does that stop us from trying?

Hell no!

It should keep us training. Just like I have a weight I will never lift, so do you. So does The Rock. There is a weight out there that Arnold Schwarzenegger couldn’t lift or bench. Did he give up or keep going?

There is a time that Usain Bolt couldn’t sprint in a 100 meters and there is a distance that Mo Farrah couldn’t run. We all, even the Olympians and the champion bodybuilders, have our limits. Sure, records get broken. New techniques, new foods or supplements and equipment or clothing might nudge us closer to superhuman efforts. Even the way that the wind blows can change our results in the day. But even when we achieve a new PB, a new target is set. And so we start again. Days, weeks month and years we try to reach our new goals.

That’s what proper, structured, formulated plans allow us to do. We work through our training schedule with a plan that works. And although we see changes instantly from a gym session whether it be a pump or a feel good factor, it can take years of repeatedly telling your body it WILL run for this distance or it WILL lift for this weight. This might leave you impatient sometimes or disappointed, like when I finish my gym session. But my body is repairing thinking, “if they fuel me and look after me I’ll be back fully prepaired to go even further next time.”

My hundred gym sessions trying have been far more important than the day that I achieved my current goal. It’s those hundred sessions that moulded me into enabling it to happen. Gave me the mindset and created speed, technique, muscle to eventually hit my target.

Whatever your goals are you must appreciate the failures in your attempts to get there. It is these many failures that will make a PB one day. One thing is for certain…never give up.

The Emotional Workout Called Life

I didn’t know it at the time, but when I sent my application to train as a PT it would change my perspective on myself and on my life. As I looked through the prospectus to the course I didn’t see a syllabus dedicated to finding one’s self.

When should I tell him that one day he’ll have daddies hair?

I had to change my career. I have had highs and lows in employed and self employed jobs all of my adult life and I was always ready for the challenge. From supporting adults with autism to restaurant manager, I would fully commit to my work. But I knew that I could never stay somewhere that gave me that ‘sunday night syndrome’. That nauseating feeling that I’d get knowing that it was back to work again the next day. In my mid thirties, I knew I had to do something about it or live with my choices. Searching ‘how to become a PT’ seemed like a good place to start seeing as being in a gym was like a second home anyway.

I felt pretty good about myself when the course instructor told me that I’d passed. Ok, I knew a bit already and had always been interested in the human body so I didn’t struggle in passing. But simply because I did something out of my comfort zone was an achievement to me. The average age in the class were early 20’s. Every day during my course I would ask myself ‘am I too old to become a PT?’ but I convinced myself that I could do some good for a lot of people and, as it turned out, for me too. I had to create an uncomfortable environment for me to eventually become comfortable and that still remains the same when it comes to mindset changes or body transformations. The body won’t change if it is not put in uncomfortable situations. Why would it lose fat or grow muscle if it doesn’t have to?

The gym is one of the only places I can walk into and know instantly how everyone is feeling. I know because every one of their thoughts are what I have experienced in the gym at some time. The insecurity days. The feeling pretty damn good days. The depression days. The fantastic night last night days. The feeling crap in my gym kit days. The feeling like a super hero days. I can’t do that in Aldi. I have no idea how Dave on tills is feeling. Put him next to a bench press and I’d know his PB, his health and fitness goals and his ideal body fat percentage. But also, because of my own journey, I would know if he was having a happy day or a sad day. That none existent syllabus didn’t teach me that. That has become my own intuition from having to rediscover myself and also having to read my trainees mood very quickly. Moods change performance. I have to know their moods.

When I train myself I can put an entire days emotion into one session. I can control the weight. I know how to breath, when to brace and what happens next. That’s why I like doing it. Other aspects of my is not so structured. I know when I’m about to lift a PB deadlift, but I don’t know when my son is going to come home from school with a chipped tooth because another kid punched him. I never went on a course on how to deal with that. I don’t feel in control in that moment. We have to learn on the job in life. Being a good father, husband, son, friend. We strive to be better.

Wanting to change something about yourself for tomorrow doesn’t mean that you are not worthy right now in this moment. Wanting to lose a few pounds doesn’t mean that you aren’t beautiful today. Wanting to be a better person doesn’t mean you aren’t a great person today. That want to change is a fantastic attribute as long as it is a change for yourself and not anybody else. Investing in your own needs isn’t a selfish act. It’s quite the opposite. If you make positive changes to your own life then those around you will reap the rewards too!

I’m still finding myself. It helps that I keep putting myself in uncomfortable situations, whether that be a new business venture or an attempt at a new PB. Small or big, I want to create life goals that are challenging yet realistic. And I don’t expect to find them all in a course prospectus, a YouTube clip or at a squat rack, so I’ll just buckle myself in and enjoy this ride.

Coffee Cream, anyone?

At Christmas our eating and drinking habits often change. I know mine does. I keep my alcohol intake to the weekends these days but at Christmas I do allow a few weekday drinks to creep in. I’ve been known to have an Irish cream on Christmas morning too! (We left it out for Santa and he didn’t want it, so…)

I’ve talked about the ability to train the mind as well as the body before to my trainees and around Christmas time it becomes important to use your mental strength. I know that training less, which I will do, and having a few extra calories won’t destroy what I have achieved throughout the year. You need this mindset to relax at certain times. You’re not quitting your goals and you’re not even putting them on hold. You’re letting your mind and body celebrate it’s achievements for a brief moment before you crack on again. And that’s absolutely fine!

It’s half time. You’re winning. You’re giving yourself a team talk until it’s time to enter the arena again. That’s not letting yourself down. It’s just clever planning and giving your well-being what it needs.

I’m lucky in that I haven’t got a sweet tooth, so the Quality Street tin is safe with me…until Christmas. The annual event of sorting out the coffee creams while watching The 20 Most Embarrassing Celebrity Moments on Boxing night is bound to happen. I have no interest in them at all until Christmas. I start eating things I wouldn’t usually have. Turkey and stuffing flavoured crisps. Pigs in blankets. A festive slice from Gregg’s. And what the heck is advocaat?! It doesn’t matter. It’s Christmas, I’ll drink it.

But I know that I have now got a mindset and a body that is working with me, not against me. I’ve looked after it. Given it the TLC. I haven’t abused it with fad diets or training regimes that don’t work. I’ve had a plan and my mind and body will let me off for eating a bit of crap at Christmas. I don’t just design fitness plans for others. I know they work, so I design fitness plans for myself too. So I know that I’m good at it. And I’m not boasting about that. You’d expect a mechanic to say they can fix your car or a builder to say they can build you a wall.

So as long as you have put the ground work in and you have a plan for the new year, a little Christmas indulgence won’t interfere with your goals. You have to own what you eat and drink and move on. No guilt. The arena will be waiting for you in the second half.

To Train or Not To Train?

Firstly, I need to make this clear. I became a PT because I trained often. I don’t train because my job says I need to. My mental health and my fitness goals along with the usual aesthetic appeal that training brings told me that I had to. So hopefully there won’t be any doubters saying ‘but you’re a PT’ from now.

Also before I continue I should define what training is to me. How I define this to my clients is a set time where we dedicate to moving. It doesn’t need a gym. It doesn’t need equipment at home. You just need to move. Everybody will have goals in mind that will then determine the best sorts of movement, but training is just moving in a set period of time.

Making positive decisions on your health, lifestyle, gym goals or nutrition can seem like a difficult task. It can be daunting. But it is important to realise that making the right decisions is still easier than making the wrong decisions. Training should be challenging yet rewarding. Training isn’t meant to be easy. The human body was ‘designed’ to be tested, both physically and mentally. But it should be YOU who decides what those challenges are. Not friends or family, not your boss, not a cover of fitness magazine, not a government and not a God. Making decisions for yourself is empowering and instead of thinking that it is selfish, try taking the view that a healthier, empowered you becomes a much nicer son or daughter, mum or dad, friend or work colleague, husband or wife.

To Train or not to train isn’t even a question. Not when we define training as positive movement in a dedicated time frame. You don’t have time? Yes you do. You are lying to yourself. You don’t have energy? Then your diet is not balanced. You need to change what is stopping you from finding just 20 minutes a day dedicated to moving. Watch the binge programmes, play Xbox, enjoy a pizza now and again. Do all the things that you enjoy! But don’t tell yourself that you haven’t got any time to exercise. Tell yourself this often enough and you will believe it.

So, I have had messages a couple of hours before a PT appointment saying that a client feels a little under the weather. They don’t want to come to their session. (Covid guidelines aside) I will encourage them to meet me still and get them to do something once their session begins. Nobody has ever left their session feeling worse, in fact it is very much the opposite. It’s like saying that you won’t bother going to the trouble of making a tasty nutritious meal because you won’t be able to taste it with a heavy cold. You are giving up the one thing that can help you feel a little better.

Small steps is all you need. I’m not saying you need to start with 100 Burpees a day and let someone scrape you from the gym floor. I’m saying that you can park your car further away from the gym entrance, take the stairs, go for a walk, squat or lunge during the adverts, stretch or yoga. You need to start telling yourself that you will train, rather than looking at the excuses of why you can’t. I guarantee that you will feel so much better for it.

Shouty dad has gone…

I’m interested in self reflecting. I’ve done it since being a kid and I always found it as a monkey on my back at the time. I didn’t want to think too much about how I reacted to certain situations. I wanted things to wash over me a bit more. Now, rather than be tortured on my behaviours and if I said or did the right thing, I use it as a tool to improve.

I reflect almost daily. Just a quiet time where I can replay back certain situations in my head. And it’s no surprise to those who know me, seeing as I’m there so often, that a minute or two between sets in the gym is a good time for me to think. The gym is my therapy. My meditation. A time for self reflection. Who am I? What am I becoming? To answer this I need to reflect on what I have done.

My thoughts often turn to my kids. I’m very hands on in their lives and they are pretty much my world. But as I rest from my latest set and I smile when I picture my kids faces, my heart begins to sink at how I snapped over their latest bickering with each other or my ranty voice when they didn’t listen to my instructions. I can be a shouty dad. I hate that.

I can’t just recognise my faults, click my fingers and change. Nobody can. But, much like training a muscle, I believe we can train our behaviours to become what we actually want to be. Sure, I’m a caring, loving dad. My kids love me. We tell each other often that we love each other. We hug daily. But I knew that I had to train away shouty dad. Sooner or later, my kids would come to resent me and I would be in a state of anger forever. I had to reflect daily on what I could do better in these tense situations. And I think I am getting better. But I need to keep training my behaviour and keep checking myself. If I become complacent then I lose my consistency. And consistency, again, just like training the body, is key.

Shouty dad has gone. I’m not saying that shouty dad won’t make a visit the next time my youngest draws on the curtains again. He might make an appearance. But I firmly believe calm dad will tap him on the shoulder and tell him to sling his hook. Calm dad has got this one under control thanks very much!