behaviour – Page 11 – Never Give Up PT

Lightness Of Being

In football, as a penalty taker places the ball on the penalty spot, I can almost sense the outcome. Its in their breathing and in their eyes. They both give so much away in all aspects of life. Football is no different. A professional footballer, no matter how good they are, can display these telling signs of anxiety.

Those who remain calm or zen-like often manage to outwit the goalkeeper. Unless the goalie guesses the right way and gets a strong hand to it I am pretty sure that Mo Salah will score his penalty. One big intake of breath and steely eyed, he never looks like missing. He believes that he can, so he probably will.

And although you won’t earn £300k a week from doing it, your approach to the barbel for your next lift is very similar. If you don’t believe that you can, you probably won’t. This is just an extension of life.

Not asking the boy or girl out that you’ve had a crush on for ages passes you by because of past rejection.

Not applying for an exciting job role because you didn’t think that you were worthy.

Not doing anything about the things that make you unhappy because you have tried and failed before.

Everything we try to do now and in the future is a product of how we view our past. We hold onto our failures. It weighs us down.

Fear, past experience, lack of preparation, doubt and a self fulfilled prophecy create uncertainties within our minds and it often leads to missed opportunities because of it. We become burdened by our inability to accept our lightness of being. We are of a heavy mind.

We all have history that we wished we could change. I wish that I had seen more of my mum before she died. I wish I’d have followed my Personal Training ambitions ten years earlier. On both occasions, I was afraid of loss and disappointment that I didn’t know how to carry forward. And yet it is still carried forward, but it is in my hands on how I choose to carry it. I realize that now.

My lightness of being tells me that I am where I am now because of decisions I have made, good and bad. Had I chosen a different career I wouldn’t have met my future wife and I wouldn’t have my two beautiful children. I juggled a career and a family whilst knowing that my mum was dying of cancer. I did what I could. My dad was amazing. She was very proud of us.

Our past can determine how we behave and what outcomes are concluded. Our past can numb us from future success. But our past doesn’t exist anymore. It has gone. We’ve been there, done it and it means nothing to our future unless we carry it upon our shoulders onto our next chapter.

Our past is just a story that we tell ourselves. It conveys through our mind like a carousel. Now it’s time to find yourself a better narrative.

The shackles that hold me back, I know, are my demons that I have invented in my head. They exist only in my deepest and darkest moments. I don’t want to rewrite history, but I want to give the future me a fighting chance. If I allow my demons to take over, that can’t happen. They are there and I am aware of them, but like fuck will they control me.

I’m placing the ball on the penalty spot…deep breath. I know where it’s going.

My past is just a story. I am in control of how this story ends.

Rosie The Riveter

I am no longer surprised when I am approached from a female about PT whether 1-1 or online programming that a part of their goals is to become stronger.

Where once I had to reassure a female trainee that they would not become bulky by performing resistance training in the weights area, they are now actively seeking out the barbells and dumbbells to train with.

And if you are confused at this point let me confirm…eating more food makes you bulky. Then I’ll address the elephant in the room and say that added testosterone levels are necessary for unnatural bulk. So females of any age and myself on the wrong side of 40 have no chance, like it or not.

Performing a few deadlifts won’t make you flat chested, look orange and pose on stage like you’re constipated in a sequinned bikini. But, as I say, females seem to be coming round to the fact that you can be strong and lift weights without talking like Dolph Lundgren.

As I reflected on International Women’s Day I wondered when this shift in attitude started. And I recall the posters such as Rosie The Riveter which became a symbolic picture of the female’s efforts in the USA during World War Two when they had to take on predominantly male roles as the men fought in the war.

Much like the females in the UK, the women kept the country going in jobs that would have only been offered to men previously. And a show of strength is not just physical. I see footage of strong women protecting their children as they flee war in Ukraine. I watch as 90 year old women, born during World Wars, now fight and protect their family with their last bit of energy.

These women are stronger than me.

Females have had to fight for a vote, to sit on a bus and social mysoginy while raising children, running households, gaining careers and now, as I witness daily, getting strong.

As I conduct a consultation with a prospective client, male or female, I make it very clear that resistance training will be a part of their program. Unless they are training specifically for a marathon, I cannot think of any reason why it shouldn’t be. With the correct diet for a trainee’s goals, resistance training can contribute to fat loss, muscle gain, physical and mental strength and wellness, confidence and the ability to self care in later life. I want the short snippet of time that they have with me to impact them for the rest of their lives.

And due to the attitude of my trainees they inspire me too. They do become stronger. They do get results. They do learn and continue training hard long after they work with me. And many of them are females.

Rosie The Riveter was actually a lady called Naomi Parker Rodgers who died at the age of 97. Forever remembered as a strong independent woman.

Naomi Parker Rodgers AKA Rosie The Riveter

Spa Date

As a business owner with half of his business online, the idea of a phone detox for most of the day is unsettling. Whether it be on holidays or Christmas day a quick phone check is never too far away.

Today, however, if anybody needed to contact me they would have to find me laid on a hot stone in a herbal sauna room at Alpamare. My wife and I had booked a spa day.

We have concluded that evenings out without child care is impossible so instead we must take out some times from our booking schedules from the daytime to give to ourselves. Sometimes, as the weeks roll on, it is easy to forget about us and our marriage as our jobs as Shay the PT, Lou the massage therapist and our mummy and daddy jobs take over. We love our jobs and we love our kids, but we still need to allow ourselves occasions where we become Shay and Lou. Individuals. Partners. Man and wife. So three hours in a spa was very welcome.

But a few hours spa session isn’t just necessary for busy parents. And nor does it have to be a spa session. Bowling, the cinema, a restaurant meal or simply going for a walk can all be good respite from the daily grind.

It can all come under the umbrella of wellness and it can be done alone too, just as long as you do it.

I often encourage my trainees to reward themselves, celebrate their wins and acknowledge their achievements. Now, although I am a PT and this can be interpreted as achievements in a gym setting, the broader picture is what we are achieving in all aspects of life. One part of life is rarely successful if the rest is stressful, unmanageable or damaging.

I couldn’t be a good coach if my home life was crap and I couldn’t be the best husband or dad if I hated my job. And if I am suffering in these most important aspects of my life, then my motivation to succeed in the gym would suffer. If this suffers, my health and wellbeing suffers. And there goes the vicious cycle, because if I am not at my most physical and mental best then it is my family and work that will go into decline.

So there’s a lot to be said for wearing a towel robe and having a foot scrub whilst listening to rainforest music.

Rewards are sometimes confused with food choices. Some professionals subscribe to the notion that a good active week means that we can reward ourselves with a biscuit. I disagree. I’m not a dog. I don’t perform a trick and beg for a biscuit. If I want a biscuit I’ll have a bloody biscuit. Food rewards make for a poor relationship with food. Food treats cause anxiety.

Our funds won’t stretch to weekly spa dates and as much as we try to create gaps in our daytime schedule if we are lucky enough to be extra busy then we take the opportunities to be at work. We are both in careers that don’t offer security from week to week or pay sick and holiday pay, so if work is available we take it. Therefore our times together are precious.

And once the kids get home from school and I’m back in the gym, those rainforest sounds will seem like a long time ago!

Young People And Resistance Training

My kids are beginning to ask about the work that I do. My eldest, who is 8, goes to football practice at the same sports centre as where I do the majority of my personal training so he often sees the inside of a gym and is very inquisitive about what each piece of equipment does. His first love is football, but ever since he did gymnastics from 4 years old I could see his love for all sports and movement.

There is a big debate about what age a child should be introduced to resistance training and, although many people say that a child as young as 8 is too young and can stump growth due to damaged growth plates, more recent research strongly suggests that it is the perfect age.

So, my view is this…

If you are going to train incorrectly then you shouldn’t begin resistance training at all until you know what to do. And that’s at any age. You will almost certainly cause more harm than good.

An 8 year old can do very light resistance training if they are being taught correctly. Studies show that it can strengthen a child’s bones, joints and muscle, improve movement as they grow and are able to avoid injury or recover from injury quicker. It is also a great discipline that improves self esteem.

Jonas trying out the chest press machine

Resistance training can do everything for a child that it can for an adult, but for a young developing body it has a great advantage over an older body that has stopped growing. The idea that it can have a detrimental effect to a child’s body was amplified in reports by the American Academy of Pediatrics almost 40 years ago and their concerns shouldn’t be discounted even now.

However, due to a much greater knowledge of resistance training and hundreds of papers later, it is understood that it can be done safety. And it is a calculated risk that I’m willing to take with my kids. After all, they’ll be guided by a qualified PT. Not many kids will have that luxury. Indeed, due to not having PT parents and the reports on young people performing resistance training being largely negative as I were growing up, it is something that never even entered my mind to want to do.

My idea of a gym back in the 80’s were of a backstreet garage and grunting men. Maybe that isn’t wholly accurate, but nevertheless, gyms have most definitely changed since then. The gym I train at, which calls itself a Sports Center and homes the town’s football team Scarborough Athletic FC, caters for the young and old with a variety of sports to play. For a young athlete, it is a kid’s dream. I can’t deny my kids a little taster of it’s gym equipment.

With no added weight to the machine, Jonas attempts a seated row

My eldest has an appetite for being in the gym and learning about what and why certain movements are performed. Many activities are often body weight only, such as squats, press up or a plank. We don’t need to load the bar just yet! But just getting the taste for it right now is a positive step in him becoming an active and strong (both mentally and physically) young man.

And I’m hoping that when both of my boys are strong athletic men they’ll be able to push their dear old dad to the shops.

Foraging In The Happy Place

I’ll admit it right from the off. I’m no Ray Mears.

However, I do like a spot of foraging with my family. Showing my kids how to develop a healthy relationship with food has to be one of the most rewarding of parenting jobs. And turning to nature is the best place to begin.

Mindful eating doesn’t have to start at the dinner table, or indeed in the kitchen. Hunting for food should be one of the most natural things we can do. Mindful eating can start by searching, feeling and smelling for our food.

We are Homo Sapiens. We are meant to hunt. I am convinced that a reason our society is at a critical stage with depression and obesity is that everything we are as humans is slowly getting stripped away. And men, the once titled hunter gatherer, has a much higher suicide rate than females in the western world.

What sense of achievement or satisfaction does a man get from bringing home a KFC bucket to his children? His skills, bravery, creativity and masculinity stripped away from him because humans were too clever for their own good. They invented the convenience of fast food shops and supermarkets. They no longer needed to hunt.

Now I’m not saying that progression and development of societies aren’t useful. But for all of our knowledge, technology and convenience we should still remain grounded in remembering what we are and what makes us tick.

My family and I are lucky enough to live by the sea. Its a 5 minute walk to the cliff edge and the wildlife is fantastic. During lockdown it became our happy place and it soon became a venue for foraging. Today, we were hunting for nettles.

Marigold at the ready to pick the nettles

Once washed and blanched, nettles make great tasting soups, pesto and hummus. Not exactly high on our boy’s list of favourite foods, but we’ve been foraging for a while now and still haven’t come across pizza or fish fingers, so we’ll keep working on their range of favourite meals.

What our kids did discover today though, even if their reactions will look more like a bush tucker trial when it comes to feeding them it, is where the food comes from. They found it and picked it from the land. Their attitude to food, I hope, will be a positive one. One that can find food from the cliff edge as easily as finding the freezer section at Sainsbury’s.

The UK media talk about the possibility of taxing junk food to put consumers off of buying it. But this will only hit the poorest in our society. What we need to do is educate our children if we are to break the cycle regarding our attitude to food.

Our two hours foraging today was, the kids agreed, their highlight of the weekend. That makes me very happy. In a society where competing against the Xbox for the kid’s attention, I’ll settle for that right now.

Everybody Needs Good Neighbours

There are a few stand out memories of when I was a child with my mum. And now that she has gone, those memories become even more special.

Watching Liverpool against Arsenal in the old first division on TV with my dad and my mum entered the room and shouted “Come on Arsenal!” remains high up there. Arsenal’s Michael Thomas scored straight after my mum called for Arsenal. It was a last minute winner for them in the last game of the season to clinch the title away from Liverpool.

League titles for Liverpool have been hard to come by since then, so I’ll never forget that!

We went abroad on holiday as a family a few times which seemed very luxurious for us at the time, but it was a week in Skipsea, Primrose Valley or Morecambe that I remember the most about my mum on holiday. 10 people cramming into a caravan for a game of cards late at night while the kids watched on fuelled by sweet seaside rock no doubt. Good times.

And then there were the times that I was ill and didn’t go to school. I remember my mum bringing me a chunky veg soup and watching Neighbors on TV with me. Neighbours was on twice a day and it’s first daily showing was at lunchtime. I don’t think I’ll be the only kid who remembers watching Neighbours with their parents. Whether it was on a lunchtime or it’s teatime showing, families would all want to know the gossip on Ramsey Street.

Imagine my disappointment then, of hearing that Neighbours was getting cancelled. After 37 years on our screens it had finally met its end. And listening to a phone in on the radio I realized that there were lots of other people who had watched it with their parents too. It was a part of growing up! In fact I was surprised to discover that many of these people talking about their memories of watching Neighbours with their parents were actually now watching it with their own kids! I had stopped watching it in the early 90’s. I probably ditched it for the edgier Heartbreak High.

So I find it odd that I find myself writing about a TV programme that I haven’t even watched in 30 years and I’m obviously emotional by this news!

But it isn’t because I will never know what happens to Karl Kennedy or find out if Scott and Charlene lived happily ever after.

It is the thought of something comforting and familiar that sparked a happy memory… disappearing. I live just half an hour drive from Primrose Valley and Morecambe is still there. Liverpool and Arsenal will continue to battle it out in top flight football. It continues to exist and bring memories.

But slurping on a bowl of chunky veg soup with Neighbours on TV with my mum next to me won’t happen again and the comfort of the settings, the characters and the theme tune will become even more distant than ever before.

Isn’t it funny what memories we keep?

Nach Dem Spiel Ist Vor Dem Spiel (After The Game Is Before The Game)

The 52k dumbbells sit in the same place in the gym on the rack each day. Apart from the Outhouse, the brave, the stupid or the mixture of the three the 52k dumbbells rarely get picked up to be pressed, pulled or curled.

I’m not in the back street bodybuilder gym. Had these 52’s been in there I’m sure they’d be getting more attention than the occasional tickle with a feather duster from the gym staff. I’m in a mainstream chain gym. The type that pretends to serve it’s members by pulling down a screen and playing a recording of professional dancers from Australia and calling it a Tone Class. But credit where credit is due, the gym area is very good and I’ve been to plenty of gyms where the dumbbell weight doesn’t reach 52k.

At the beginning of this year I began my Hypertrophy Programme. The past two years have been difficult to consistently follow a proper periodized programme. It’s been a bit stop starty with lockdowns, gym closures and my own encounter with Covid. Finally, I’m finding some consistency to my training.

Now, in early March, my training and nutrition has exceeded such expectations that a one rep max with those abandoned 52k dumbbells are a possibility. Two weeks into my strength phase and I’m pushing and lifting heavier and better than ever. Once my Power phase begins the 1-3 rep max will be my focus. Physically I am training to give my body the best chance. Mentally I hope I am ready for it. A Power phase can cause incredible fatigue both physically and mentally and I need to get it right to make the months leading up to it feel worth the time and effort. I know that any time in the gym is worth it, but when fatigue kicks in and the psychological doubts begin, the positives seem harder to come by.

But I’m strong. Physically and mentally I have trained for these moments. Sometimes you win, sometimes you fail. But it’s how you go again that matters. I know this. And my success in my latest programme isn’t one that I will celebrate just yet.

Sepp Herberger was a very successful soccer coach in the early 20th Century. He said”, Nach dem spiel ist vor dem spiel.” Translated as, “After the game is before the game”.

One rep, set, session or phase is always followed by another one. There’s no time to admire your success for too long as you simply have to go again anyway. Begin the focus all over again. Battered and bruised maybe, but there’s another game to prepare for. A quick obligatory progression photo in the gym loo is all I have time for. The 52s are waiting.

But you might be wondering what my great obsession is with my current program or indeed these 52k dumbbells. Why is it so important?

At 43 years of age, if I am able to record a 52k dumbbell press, I will have achieved a physical feat that my 20 or 30 year old self could not do. At 43 my bones are meant to be getting thinner and weaker. My body is supposed to be producing less testosterone. My body, says science, is in regression.

Well, I trust science. My career is based on science and it’s research. But I trust myself even more. I am my own research and, despite what researchers have tested on a hundred men in California, I intend keeping on defying science by testing myself in a gym in Scarborough.

There is no exact science.

And my goal of becoming fitter and stronger than ever before is not an attempt to prolong my life. Christ! Between pandemics, wars and global warming I’ll be fine with not overstaying my welcome. But for as long as I’m at this party I want to have fun and be as happy as I can be and the only true way I can ensure that is by getting stronger, even during the stage of my life that I am statistically expected to get weaker.

But I don’t accept being weak or weakened by age. The Grimm Reaper will catch me one day, but age can fuck right off.

The game isn’t up for me. As long as I continue through my phases of training and I keep getting stronger, this game is just the beginning.

My 10 Top Tips For Fat Loss

Here are my top tips for weight loss…

1. Start calling it Fat loss. Unless you want to lose an arm, muscle,an organ or have 10 shits a day then what you want to lose is fat. What you weigh is just a numerical reflection of your relationship to gravity.

2. Love who you are right now. You wouldn’t say to your best friend “I’m not leaving the house with you because you are fat.” So don’t say it to yourself.

3. Be in a calorie deficit. Calculate your calorie consumption for one average week and then you are able to make smarter choices about your nutrition and training.

4. Eat what you want. I’m a PT but also a realist. We will still have down days. Unless you are an athlete with a strict daily diet then no foods should be banned. If you follow step 3, then you will know how much of anything that you can have.

5. Don’t buy a meal plan. Create your own by listing the foods that you enjoy with your ‘must have’ proteins and veggies. Some guy sitting in his bedroom in Sydney knows jack about your lifestyle, dietary needs and health. He might like chicken and broccoli 10 times a day but you don’t have to.

6. Do have a training schedule and stick to it. Either create one yourself or ask for help from a professional who you trust. It needs to be fun, engaging, consistent and work different muscle groups regularly.

7. Practice ‘mindful eating’. Discover new foods, cook new ingredients, sit at a table to eat rather than a plate on your lap. Make meal times an event when you can.

8. Go for a walk. Not only is this useful to incorporate into a training schedule but it allows you to escape the times and places that you are struggling with. If the cakes regularly come out at work in break times, take a 15 minute walk around the block. If they can get cig breaks, you can go for a walk!

9. Don’t fall into the fad diet trap. Any new book promoting weight loss has one thing in common…it has a calorie deficit. But just saying that would make a very short book and they can’t make money from you.

“Remove these 5 foods from your diet and watch the weight roll off!”

So you are taking away the food that you enjoy out of your diet and you lose weight?! No shit Sherlock.

10. Enjoy the process. It doesn’t need to be army camp training every day. It doesn’t mean giving up the foods that you enjoy. Just celebrate the 1% victories because they soon add up.

The Greatest Teacher, Failure Is.

Am I going to start getting hate mail if I admitted to you that I have never seen a Star Wars movie? Add James Bond, Lord Of The Rings, Game Of Thrones and Harry Potter and you have the full set of movies or series that the rest of the world seem to have watched that I haven’t. I fear a perma ban imminent.

My kids, however, love Star Wars. But not enough to have an attention span to watch a full movie. Hence my ability to boast such a statistic.

My youngest loves Baby Yoda. He has a Baby Yoda teddy. I know that he is a character in Star Wars but I’m not sure where Baby Yoda came from. Anyway, Yoda seems pretty cool.

And I know from the amount of books and annuals that my boys have that Yoda has a few wise words to give. My favourite happens to be ‘The Greatest Teacher, Failure Is’.

Failure can teach us so much about ourselves. How we react from it can mould our personalities. I might be the only dad on the touchline who wants his kid’s team to lose sometimes. They are by far the most superior team in the under 8’s league so I know how my eldest reacts through victory, but I like to see his response to defeat. He will realise as he grows up that there are far more disappointments in life than there are successes. So having the emotional grounding to deal with that will help him embrace the victories.

You can only become a good winner if you are first a good loser.

Competition was always something that I excelled in as a kid, at least in a sporting context. I was very average at my academic work and my motivation at school was a case of doing what I had to until the bell rang. In the football field however, I’d give my all. And it was the same in every sport. These days I only run for a bus or if I am chased by a zombie. I tend to miss a lot of buses and I’m concerned about my ability to survive a zombie holocaust if it would ever happen. Yet at school I was a champion runner. I wanted to win, but even then, I realized that failure was a part of the game. It hurt, but it made me better at my sport. Any sport.

Due to sciatica affecting my performances and my recovery I stopped playing many sports. Contact sport were out of the question. I was a keen kickboxer in my early twenties but kicking became painful as the sharp shooting pain ran down my leg. My opponents never hurt me but my injuries did.

Before my passion for sports disappeared altogether and the pull of sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll totally gripped me I had to make a decision. How could I still feel a part of a sport and experience success and failure? I took up darts, snooker and chess but they could all be played whilst eating a pizza and drinking beer.

I was introduced to the gym by a friend at a vital time in my life. For me, the gym is my sport now. It cured my injuries as I learned the correct form. And I could have my buzz of failure and success again. There are so many failures involved with a fitness regime. Much much more that there are successes. In fact, blink and you might miss the success. In the gym I climb a hill just to discover a bigger hill. And I like that. Sport doesn’t have to mean me competing against an opponent, it can mean competing against myself.

Today I will compete against my yesterday’s self. Sometimes I win and sometimes I lose. Either way, I will have been taught something.

Perhaps I should watch Star Wars just for Yoda. He seems like a real dude. But that Vader bloke? He needs to take a leaf out of my book, quit the ciggies and get to the gym.

Saturday Night

As the Black Eyed Peas once sang ‘Tonight is gonna be a good, good night.’ Over the years I’m sure I will have belted that song out as I got ready to go out to the bars and clubs on Saturday night.

These days, though, I’m happy if I get a few black eyed peas in my curry. Saturday nights with kids and with absolutely no desire to replicate my nights in a club before searching for a taxi at four in the morning means that fun and an appreciation for our relax time comes in a different way.

Tonight is a ‘curry off’ in our house. My wife and I usually make this a quarterly event. We each make a curry and side dishes, sit down with a glass of fizz and compliment each other’s cooking whilst secretly thinking that theirs is the best dish. (My wife is the chef in the house, but my vindaloo is unbeatable).

Once we have finished our meal we will crash on our sitting room sofas. This week has been half term, we’ve continued juggling our work and the kid’s extra curricular stuff and, although there’s an early start tomorrow for my eldest’s football match, crashing on the sofa with a couple of beers after good food and great company means that I am totally unapologetic about it. My week, for the most part, is done.

Once the kids are in bed my only gripe will be how Noel’s Crinkly Bottom was so much better than Ant & Dec’s Saturday Night Takeaway. I have other worries too. Those who frequently read my blogs might have gathered that I am an over-thinker. But I can’t fix wars or the world’s issues tonight. I have to concern myself with my own family. And tonight is a curry off, crap TV and, if I can convince my wife, a horror movie. That’s my Saturday night.

We enjoy cooking together. It doesn’t always happen due to work commitments but even if I know that I am cooking for the both of us I am able to explore recipes and learn something new. Mindful eating is an important part of a balanced lifestyle but that has to start by mindful cooking. The textures, the smells, the tastes and the colours always excite me when I am cooking. Not only is the process quite therapeutic, but knowing what I am putting inside of my body is rather empowering.

Now, in no way can I do this at every meal time! Sometimes a couple of crumpets and a protein shake is about as much as I can manage if time is limited. But when I can get that time to cook, especially together with my wife, it is precious.

And when we get around to making our curries this evening, it might not seem as exciting as a night out in Leeds type of party, an Ant and Dec Takeaway party or as Blobby Blobby as a Mr Blobby party. But it will be OUR house party. Crinkly bottoms and all.

So tonight IS gonna be a good, good night. I can feel it.