anxiety – Page 11 – Never Give Up PT

Be Smart

It is totally understandable that a potential client tells me that their weight loss goal is (in this example) 15kg. It is their responsibility to tell me their ultimate goals.

But, in turn, it is also my responsibility as a PT to tell them that their immediate goal is to lose 1kg. It is my job to enable sensible (SMART) targets that are more achievable to them.

Specific to the client’s goals. Tracked to ensure Measurable outcomes. Attainable and realistic. Relevant fitness levels and lifestyle and setting a Time for each milestone.

It is said that 1kg of weight per week is a healthy amount to lose. Therefore, potentially one could lose 15kg in 15 weeks. However, focussing on the bigger numbers becomes a much more daunting prospect than focussing on the very first number. Weight loss is psychological.

What do I achieve from telling people “calories in/calories out”? This is just touching base with the facts. But ultimately it needs a psychological shift for it to become a success. Certain lifestyle changes need to happen. And a lifestyle can’t be changed in a week, but a 1kg weight loss can. Before we know it, week by week, positive lifestyle affirmations take place without any pain, restrictions or resentment and we get to 15 weeks. I allow for wiggle room. 2kg either way. We get a lifestyle change and a successful weight loss programme.

The picture below is of a bride to be who wanted to lose weight before her big day. We had 6 months to achieve her goal. Instead of thinking of a weight that she wanted to lose I asked her to improve her strength, stamina, posture and technique in the gym. I gave her little tweaks to her diet so her choices were healthier but she could still enjoy seeing her friends for an evening without feeling restricted on what she could eat and drink. She became more confident each week as she developed a routine around her busy home and work life and pretty much forgot about the numbers. She knew that she felt great and was getting stronger both physically and mentally. It became more than just numbers on a scale. As she walked down the aisle nobody would see a number. Just a strong, confident woman. I took care of the numbers so she didn’t have to.

She deserved more than to be a number and just giving numbers as targets would not do her or her big event justice and nor would it provide a lifestyle change that would promote adherence beyond that. Numbers provide analytics and statistics whilst action provides change. Saying that you would like to lose 2 and a half stone means nothing without a plan. I want a week in the south of France but it won’t happen without planning it.

The truth is that I have seen so many people lose weight only to put it back on. I suspect that they eventually reached a target with great willpower and motivation and that is credit to them. But willpower and motivation are fleeting emotions that last just weeks, days and sometimes only hours. Never rely on them. Emotions can become extremely strong and can work in your favour but are equally just as strong and potentially destructive. Emotional eating plays a huge part in weight gain. Exhaustion, loneliness, stress, depression are all factors is why we choose the comfort of food. Daily weigh ins are bound to add to your irrational emotional side.

The target I give to my clients of 1kg is meeting them half way. The scales are so ingrained in our culture that I don’t recommend cold turkey if they are not prepared to ditch them immediately. Perhaps one day they will like my client in the picture above, but I need to understand that it isn’t so easy for everyone. There is no point in me making demands that aren’t yet achievable to a client (SMART) so that is why I put the 1kg target in place. After all the weighing scales can be a tool in assessing progress for some people, albeit a small one.

So whatever weight loss goal you are targeting, make sure of that first 1kg and then you can start thinking about the next 1kg. Be SMART.

Easter Holidays

“Daddy!” My youngest called from the sitting room. I was wiping the kitchen surface down for the umpteenth time today. They’re growing lads so the food prep throughout the day is lengthy. “Look at our new dance!” I went into the sitting room to see some shapes being thrown by my two boys. It’s probably from Fortnite. At their age I was giving it the ‘Prince Charming’ moves by Adam Ant so I get it. In fact, at 43, I still get the Adam Ant moves out after a few G&T’s.

It’s the Easter holidays. We are fortunate enough to have jobs where we can juggle the holidays and our work. The financial loss in our businesses due to lockdowns took it’s toll on us and we can’t justify holiday clubs every day for me to be at the gym and my wife at work, so I’ve been seeing lots of new dance routines this week. Today, I’m with the boys and my wife is at work. In the past it has seemed like we are spinning too many plates and trying not to smash them.

The gym, even when I haven’t got a client booked in, is my place of work. Just by being there and talking to people I can attract new customers and build new relationships. But this week I’ve definitely been ‘daddy’. Due to my online coaching at least I can still do work from home if I need to.

One thing that I can’t do though is train myself. The one thing that has kept my mental and physical health in check for the past 25 years has taken a back seat. Going to the gym is a necessity to my business of course, but it also plays a vital role in my wellness. The gym is my favourite place to be in my free time, not just in my professional time. It’s where I feel at home.

Yet this week it’s at my actual home where I find myself with my kids. To be fair, living in a town which is one of the most visited places in the UK during the holidays is a fun place to be with two young kids. So far we have played football on the beach, visited the amusements and walked along the cliff tops looking out to sea in search of dolphins. Scarborough is pretty cool like that. There’s always something to do with two lively boys.

Hearing their calls of “Daddy” still surprises me. I sometimes take a moment to think to myself, ‘they’re talkin to me! I’m a dad!’ It gives me a feeling like nothing else to think that I am their daddy. I’m a lucky man. And not training myself in the gym for a couple of weeks is well worth it. After all, to be what I want to be inside of the gym I must be the best person I can be outside of it. The foundations of success comes from the 23 hours outside of the gym. Being the best husband and dad is now my biggest goal in life. Master that and the rest is easy.

The Easter holidays have been planned in my workout programme, of course, so I have accounted for this. As long as I stay active and my nutrition stays stable, not going to the gym isn’t going to disrupt my progress. My body needs a rest sometimes. I’ve just finished six weeks of strength and power training so this couple of weeks will be a perfect break until I begin a hypertrophy cycle. It’ll get intense again. So giving my body a rest is important.

But there was a time where this would have freaked me out. Not going to the gym to train myself would have left me feeling flat. I would have felt like my progress had been stalled or totally derailed by not training. I now know that this isn’t true. I can not only rationalize this, but I know that it is in my best interest to put the weights down from time to time.

As much as I know that staying in the best condition in the gym is important to me, watching the latest floss dance from my kids is the most enlightening thing that I can do. It’s moments with my wife and kids like yesterday at Piglets Farm near York that will stay with me. The next gym visit is a vital component to my wellbeing but will always be secondary to creating memories with my family. I no longer have to spin so many plates, I simply just put them to one side until I’m ready to spin again.

Scapegoating

My job as a PT is made much easier from me having the experiences of many of my clients. I’ve got the qualifications but what really allows me to guide my clients is my ability to delve into my own past and draw parallels with them. Along with the many coaches that I have worked with in the past, I also became pretty good at coaching myself.

I have had the anxieties about my body. Am I too skinny? Am I too fat? I need more muscle to be accepted. I need to eat better but I like kebabs after a few pints. Should I try fasting? My friends inject steroids so I should do the same? I want results but can’t be bothered to workout this week. I might as well give up on my goals.

I have felt almost every emotion there is when it comes to my training and my eating habits and I still keep finding new things out about myself and my personality. Perhaps the journey is meant to keep surprising us all. But now, if it is a negative discovery or a challenging one I am now confident in knowing how to solve it.

One particular challenge seems to be one that I hear from people that I speak to often. We seem to choose a relatively harmless food to scapegoat. I’ve thrown certain foods into the wilderness, too, so i can empathize.

When we are deciding what we can or can’t eat during a diet we go through a process which is often a distorted version of reality. This presents an exaggerated response or conclusion. Therefore, the reason that you are over weight must be because of the banana that you eat every day. The issue has been simplified to suit your case. The banana has been demonized because it is easier to do than focus on your alcohol intake or the amount of fast food you eat each week.

Fruit can get a bad rap at the best of times because it is high in sugar and I also made the arguement to myself that the apple, grapes, the banana I ate each day was the cause of unwanted weight gain. I didn’t want the copious amounts of beer and takeaways on the weekend to be the issue. I sacrificed the fruit. The fruit didn’t impinge on my lifestyle. Had I addressed my drinking and fast food choices, it certainly would have done.

The truth is the reason for my weight gain wasn’t the banana at all and nor was it the drink or takeaways. I realized that no food was the enemy. It was me and how I abused food that was the real issue. Having a drink with friends or a fast food meal didn’t have to stop. A daily banana didn’t either, of course. But it was the amount of food and drink that I was consuming that had caused weight gain. If I consistently put more calories into my body than I needed each week then I would see a slow increase in my weight.

Every successful client of mine will still enjoy a slice of cake with friends or a beer in the pub. Occasionally, they might have an unplanned event within their day which meant they had to ‘grab and go’ at their local Gregg’s or chippy and they’re doing it guilt free. Because what surrounds all of these acts are accountability, hard work and a positive relationship with food.

You don’t need to scapegoat a banana. Instead of blaming a banana at a 100 calories, see how you can make positive steps in reducing your overall daily calories to suit your goals. When you start banning foods you have an unhealthy attitude to ‘good’ foods and ‘bad’ foods. You beging to resent the process and often resent yourself for sometimes choosing the ‘bad’ food. This leads to further depression about your weight and binge eating due to your ‘failures’.

Choose a banana, just not the whole bunch. Choose a slice of cake, but not the whole cake. Choose fish and chips, pizza, apple, water, choose loads of veg with as many meals as possible. Choose a cheese sandwich on white bread but don’t use the whole loaf or block of cheese, choose a chocolate but not the whole tin and choose a beer, just not the whole keg. Choose life.

I’m Too Sexy

I never really had a problem with losing my hair. Perhaps when I first realized that I was receding as a teenager I panicked and tried shampooing my head with olive oil a few times but, as I say, I wasn’t overly concerned so I soon stopped as nothing happened anyway. Had I come out of the bathroom looking like Captain Caveman I might have carried on. Instead I persisted with the balding Kurt Cobain look.

But something happened to the baldies in the 90’s especially for those older than me and has probably still made a difference to the attitude of society in the UK. In a fictional London market place called Albert Square walked in the Mitchell brothers. They were two bald, burley, no nonsense characters in soap opera EastEnders that had the bald men if the UK snipping off their comb overs quicker than you could say ‘Get outta my pub!’

Being bald was accepted. Even David Beckham ditched his mohawk for the shaven look. Before you knew it walking down Briggate in Leeds looked like one big Right Said Fred convention.

Also back in the 90’s something else happened. Not only did the media have a big influence in us seeing baldness in a different light, but they also pointed out Princess Diana’s cellulite on the front page of a Sunday rag and in doing so made not just Diana with an eating disorder paranoid but millions of other women feeling insecure too. All of a sudden just as men ditched their comb overs, olive oil and toupees, woman began to buy magic creams and cover up. It’s like a disease had been discovered on a papped Diana. And if a Princess who stayed very fit and active with access to the best foods, gyms and treatments had cellulite what were the rest of the female population going to do?!

Yet cellulite, just like baldness, is a pretty normal thing to happen. In fact, again just like men balding, cellulite can develop just after puberty and genetics can be a factor too. Some treatments can be found but with varying degrees of success and very active people can get cellulite. The skin losing it’s elasticity in older age can make it more noticeable. And it is probably only you who cares about your cellulite and is self conscious about it. And if it bothers anybody else then hit them around the head with a rolled up News Of The World.

We can do some things to change our appearance. If we are unhappy or unhealthy then you can do something about it. But worrying about the things that we can’t do anything about is pointless. Yes, I could have a hair transplant and fair play to anybody who has, but I am me. Other than a false tan in winter then I am who I am. Learning to live with yourself is one of the hardest things to do. Respecting yourself and how you look is where you need to begin when you want to change something about yourself. Change comes from believing that you are already beautiful. Changing yourself when you don’t even like what you are is very hard.

I never became a PT to shame people into needing to exercise. Instead I wanted to tell people “You are fabulous and how can I help you in becoming even more fabulous?!”

And if I can dance around my bedroom butt naked listening to ‘I’m too sexy’ then I’m certain that you can too!

https://www.trainerize.me/profile/nevergiveup2/?planGUI

GABA

It’s pleasing to get the feedback from my client’s workout whether it be an online programme or in a 1-1 session. This morning was no exception. The message I received from a trainee 5 minutes after a 1-1 session was “that was much better than a bottle of wine”.

It’s great to know that my trainees are enjoying their workouts. After all, if we enjoy it we are more likely to create a consistent routine regarding our fitness and meet targets. And the science doesn’t lie when it comes to exercise. People enjoy the effects of it for a reason.

Even after 20 minutes of vigorous physical activity the brain releases a stress hormone called Gamma Aminobutyric Acid (GABA) which promotes relaxation, sleep and triggers seratonin production. The ‘feel good’ chemical dopamine is also released. Indeed, the comparison with wine is ironic in that alcohol will do the exact opposite and actually inhibits these chemicals from doing their job.

The physical benefits of exercise has been well documented since time began. But I believe that if we entered a fitness programme with our mental health as the priority then our physical needs would be met too. For example, other than a possible sarcoplasmic pump after resistance training, your body will not develope from just one workout. It needs several weeks, months and years to achieve muscle gains, better movement or sustainable fat loss along with balanced nutrition to accompany your goals. However, just 20 minutes of a fast walk, a run, a HIIT routine, spin class, jumping up and down or even sex can produce the chemicals and hormones in your brain that can make you feel calm, relaxed, happy and energised. Add these 20 minutes up and by the end of the week not only have you got a brain that is producing GABA at the rate of a Nestlé factory making chocolates but you are also enabling huge contributions towards your physical goals too.

And talking of chocolate. It’s main ingredients in dark chocolate especially is cocao which has large quantities of natural GABA. I don’t ban foods for my trainees. Together we will talk about their nutrition and find ways of improving things in keeping with their goals. I want happy trainees therefore chocolate stays in the menu! And GABA is also found in cruciferous veg such as broccoli and kale, so as long as there’s plenty of that on your plate then a bit of chocolate to sweeten the palate is not going to break your goals.

The bottom line is this… exercise can be the hardest thing to begin. You are tired and a workout is the last thing you want to do after a hard day at work or with the kids. Working out at home is a drag, you’re not motivated enough and a PT or the gym membership is too expensive. You can’t afford it. But when you look at the benefits of what it can do for you both physically and mentally, can you afford not to?

Shall We Pull The Big Sofa Out?

My wife and I are both self employed in jobs that require us to work all sorts of different hours from week to week. Sometimes I have a morning free or my wife does but very rarely is it at the same time. Whether it’s on our own or together we always manage to have a good old clean and tidy of the house whilst the kids are at school. Tidying up is difficult at weekends as no sooner have we picked up an odd sock here and a crisp packet there we look behind us again to find a whole new bundle of mess left behind by the kids. We get them to help out and are teaching them to clean up after themselves, but it’s a work in progress.

https://www.trainerize.me/profile/nevergiveup2/?planGUI

Today my wife and I had the opportunity to have a tidy up together. These are the most productive of tidying days. I have been known to to vac around a TV remote before. Under my wife’s watchful eye not only would the TV remote get picked up but it would get a polish too!

Starting in different rooms from each other we set about tidying, vacuuming, polishing and collecting a bag of stuff each to be taken to the charity shop all while shouting the answers out to each other on Ken Bruce’s Pop Master. I could have sworn that Irma Thomas was the first to record ‘Time Is In My Side’ but other than that I proved that I could get stuff done and be quite the Pop Master. I was multi tasking!

And it has to happen every now and again, every few months anyway, where we turn to each other and say, “Shall we pull the big sofa out?”

This is the ultimate deep clean day when this happens. The big sofa is where the kids watch movies, play computer games, snack, lounge about on duvet days and where they decide to change out of their football kits after playing on a muddy pitch. Oh yes, the day had arrived. The big sofa was getting pulled out to see what had managed to get kicked underneath it and spilled down the back of it.

We could’ve left it until another day. Our simple task of dusting and polishing while throwing a few Mick Jagger shapes to the radio could’ve been over but shit just got serious. I rolled my sleeves up and took a deep breath as my wife grabbed one end and me the other. The big sofa was getting pulled out. Slowly, as we pulled, little by little we began to see underneath. A few marbles covered in dust. Two ping pong balls. I wondered where they’d got to. And finally, with the big sofa in the middle of the room, we saw to the full extent our work for the remainder of the day.

Crisps, sweets, wrappers, random Lego bits, crayons, a colouring book, fluff balls, half eaten bread sticks, pens, pencils, a few scattered cards from the game Dobble, a jigsaw piece from a Star Wars puzzle which meant Kylo Ren’s face hadn’t been completed all year, there were chewed up pen lids, a wallet with nothing in it worst luck, a twig, a shell from the beach and an A4 sized drawing of Big Bird from Seseme Street (or Homer Simpson, I could never tell at the time) carefully drawn by my youngest. All with a coating of dust.

Once we had picked it all up, washed and put it all back in it’s rightful places we began to clean the skirting boards, vac and mop the floor. We sat on the big sofa, still situated in the middle of the room as we let the floor dry, and gave a satisfied nod to each other. The big sofa job had been done.

When I sit in a room in our house I like to see things in place. Tidy and clean. We’re not obsessive cleaners as my big sofa tale can confirm, but we like to live in a clean and tidy environment. I knew big sofa day was approaching. I couldn’t see it, but my brain was telling me that I’d best take a look.

Perhaps we all have a part of our house that can make you feel loads better once you’ve done a bit of sorting with it. The garage, loft, the fridge or freezer, the tops of the kitchen units, under the bed or back of the wardrobe. It’s not areas we see every day and, no matter how well we try to keep on top of stuff, there’s always an area that needs the ‘rolled up sleeves’ moment. We don’t always see it, but we know it’s there. And when it is done it can feel like quite an accomplishment.

My head told me that today was big sofa day and sometimes my head tells me it is actually my head that needs the deep clean. A moment where I can declutter the stuff that begins to collect worries in there. I find the best way to take this on is to tackle the small tasks first. Once I find a routine in dealing with the little things in life, the big things can be challenged much better. Like a game of Whack-a-Mole, I find a groove that I can work with.

Had I woken up this morning thinking about the big sofa I don’t think I would have got as much done, but because I started by polishing a remote control the big sofa job became easier. I created a momentum that enabled me to be productive to the point that the greater issue was just another job to complete.

My worries are like the stuff that get stuck under the sofa. They are there and I know they are there. I can watch a full episode of The Chase and take no notice of it at all because the missing jigsaw piece is swirling around in my cluttered mind. I know where it might be but to challenge it will uncover a whole host of other bits of crap to deal with. But I know that if I can make that first step and ‘pull the big sofa out’ not only will I be able to deal with the crap but there’s a real good chance I can find that missing jigsaw piece too.

And now my sitting room and my head, at least for now, are clutter free.

The Monster On The Stairs

The young teenage me needed a pee. I was home alone in my parent’s house as I sat in the living room crossing my legs and uncomfortably shuffling as the feeling in my bladder intensified. It was early evening and the sun was going down but the lamp lit the living room adequately. Outside of the living room door, however, I imagined darkness. The dark hallway leading up to the dark stair case where I needed to climb to reach the dark first floor to enter the dark bathroom to pee. I could wait no longer. The spine tingling feeling of being chased as I scramble up the stair case was about to happen.

Opening the living room door presented me with nothing like I imagined. The dusky evening still provided some light and nothing like the pitch black in my head, but every light switch, barring the kitchen switch which was further away, went on anyway including the stair case and upstairs lights. I knew, though, that the light has never stopped the monster from chasing me up the stairs before. It’ll be back again.

I walked along the hallway towards the stairs, glancing behind me to make sure that no piercing eyes were peering at me from beyond the kitchen door left slightly ajar. Nothing. So where was it? I gulped and took my first step onto the stairs. As was my usual routine I picked out a jolly song to mutter as I slowly took my second step. I began to check through my peripheral vision to see if a whispy hand was reaching out for ankles. My song had gone. Adrenaline started to take over. The natural fight or flight feeling was beginning to peak. Each step became quicker and quicker until I could feel it breathing onto my neck…..

I ran, fell, scurried, jumped through the other 20 steps to reach the top! I turned and…nothing. The stairs were empty. I had escaped the monster on the stairs once more. ‘It’ll be back’, I thought as I caught my breath and had my pee at last. Going back down the stairs? Well, that was always a breeze.

Has anybody else ever had this feeling? I know adults who I have spoken to who say they still get this feeling sometimes. My boys at 5 and 8 are experiencing it now and I can only imagine that it comes from an anxious place.

I haven’t experienced this since my mid teens and I guess it would’ve been around the time that I decided that ghosts, spirits and Gods (good or bad) didn’t exist to me. Perhaps if I knew in my mind that no supernatural powers were at play then it couldn’t possibly be that. And I knew that an actor called Robert Englund dressed up to become Freddie Krueger and at the time of my life I started to watch A Nightmare On Elm Street and other horror movies I was able to separate fake and reality. I can no longer fear something that I don’t believe in or if I know it to be an act in the case of a movie.

Last night my eldest asked me what I was scared of. I find this such a tough question. I ask myself this question often too. I told him anything that takes me out of my own control scares me. I gave rollercoasters as an example but in my head the real example would be to lose somebody close to me or for me to die and leave them behind to grieve. Death doesn’t scare me, but thinking of those having to deal with my death terrifies me.

My son goes to a religious school and, as I mentioned in a previous blog, I respect his beliefs in a God. We have regular discussions and I never dismiss his beliefs just because they are different to my own. Coming up to Easter is a tough time for him as he learns about Jesus on the cross. Him playing Fornite has nothing on the graphic stories he is taught at school. He cares about Jesus and I love him and admire him even more for his extension of love that he gives to others. And for such a caring child I really wish he hadn’t have had to hear the stories of Covid, Afghanistan and Ukraine in the past couple of years. But they are our reality. We took him and his younger brother to the local charity where they were sorting clothes for the Afghanistan refugees and he helped a refugee boy in his class settle in.

There’s lots of reasons for kids and adults to be anxious about and, whatever the monster on the stairs is, seems to be a manifestation of this. It would be interesting to know your experiences of this whether in childhood or as an adult. Is it a thing that most of us experience? Because sooner or later, we’ve all got to pee!