anxiety – Never Give Up PT

A Year Of Answers

So, what was 2024 for you? Was it a year of questions or a year of answers?

For me, 2024 was most certainly a year of questions. Big questions. How could I handle living in a new country? How could I deal with a house buy, a building project, a new business? Could I settle my kids in a new foreign school? Can my wife and I survive the stresses? Can I manage to put my ‘happy face’ on for the cameras.

But I’m hoping, goodness, I’m hoping (!) that 2025 gives me answers.

I’ve been thinking about the quote by Zora Neale Hurston over the past few days, in which she said,”There are years that ask questions and years that answer.”

My thoughts on recent years took me as far as 2020. This was a year, for so many of us I would imagine, that asked tough questions. But I have noticed a trend because 2021 was one that cleared my head and started to deliver answers once again, if only in part anyway. The gyms reopened and my business could recommence. My wife had also started her own massage therapy business which quickly became very popular in the centre of Scarborough.

2022 flipped again to become a year of questions. Whilst my wife remained steady in her business, mine was stagnating. A few clients remained from pre-covid but the gym I was at never got their numbers back unfortunately. It had also decided to give the members recorded fitness classes which obviously didn’t require a live instructor. This us something I’m seeing more and more in larger gyms in the UK and just can’t help but think that members are just a number to them. There’s no personal touch. I know many of my class participants enjoyed the social aspect of classes. Having a chat with the instructor before or after and generally feeling a belonging. That is taken away with pre-recorded classes on a screen.

Prior to covid, our thoughts were very much fixed on moving out of the uk. Yes, there was a longing to be living back in the European Union but it had always been a dream for us as individuals before we met each other and then as a family. Covid had set us back financially so plans were put on hold, but 2023 we came up with the answers, swiftly putting our house up for sale and employing solicitors to assist in the visa applications and starting a business in the EU.

Oh yes, 2023 we had answers. We were so focused on this that we felt untouchable. We were asked many times,”What if your house doesn’t sell.” Or “What if your visa is rejected?”

Our answer was, “It won’t.” That’s how committed and confident we were in the process and our strength and abilities to carry this off. The reality was that our plans could’ve fallen off the edge of a cliff at any point that year, but we had answers that we told ourselves over and over that soothed our minds. “We can do it. We WILL do it.” Special mentions are required around now to thank those who gave me and my family somewhere to live in England while we were in limbo. And a great friend gave me some work working with kids in summer sports camp. I’ll be forever grateful.

But once we got to Portugal, 2024 became a year of questions once again. Mostly set by us. Just like our positive mindset helped us get through the previous year, the gremlins crept into our mindset a little during our Portuguese house purchase and business set up. We had the building work to the local accommodation house. A forest to clear. Children to settle into a new school and new lifestyle. Budget stress. And with a camera crew filming it all and a production team asking even more questions, last year was tough with some incredibly difficult questions to face.

But on the first night of the year, during a bout of man flu that had me awake most of it, I had time to think. Thinking is a luxury over Christmas with family visiting and two excited kids. It occurred to me that my year of questions were last year. This year, it is my year of answers. I don’t think that Zora Neale Hurston meant that it would be exclusively one year of questions and then one year of answers, but there has certainly been this pattern for me. At least I hope so.

There will be what looks like more filming to come. The production team are already in talks with us about their spin off ‘Revisited’ programme, where they film the progress we have made. But I feel a lot more head strong to deal with that now. I know the expectations of me. And likewise in other aspects of my life. I know what we have to do to our business to succeed. I am producing answers again. Answers that for many months I struggled to find, either due to the ‘out of my depth’ feeling or simply not knowing the expectations of, well, anything!

This time last year when asked what would be achieved by the end of the year I had to say ‘I haven’t a clue!’ And yet, if I were asked it right now I’d be able to give a more detailed account of how life might look like fir me and my family.

I’d have answers. Because it’s the year for it.

Here’s to 2025. And remember, even if you are faced with lots of questions this year, you will find the answers.

The Easter Egg

Some movie directors don’t just make great movies. They know that what they produce will be a master class, but it is the ease in which they can add their subtle in jokes, social commentary, artistic influences or homages to other bodies of work without distracting the audience away from the story.

Think Hitchcock with his cameo appearances or the use of Starbucks cups in almost every scene of Fight Club. These are known as Easter eggs that the viewer can hunt during the movie. Other hunts to look out for is the use of Tarantino’s very own imagined brand of cigarettes throughout his movies, Red Apple. Or the use of oranges in The Godfather trilogy. If you spot an orange in one of those movies, it is likely to lead to the death of a key character.

Fincher added the Starbucks cups as a metaphor for the corporate influence in everyday life.

These aren’t meant as a distraction maybe in the way that a Macguffin is (I’ve written about that too!), but more of a signature from the artist. It is something that can be detected throughout their work. It is uniquely theirs.

Well, although I’m not in Hollywood and I’m not a famous movie director, I want to be a great in the art of movie making. It’s just that this movie will be of my own life.

We’re all making our own movies. We can create the ups and downs of a drama, the twists and turns of a thriller. We can create the laugh out loud comedy moments and, like it or not, direct our own horror.

And a great director can tell the story and even add in the Easter egg too! But it isn’t about being accepted by others. A good director will create something that they want to create, not what is expected of them. Kubrick, Hitchcock and Tarantino are three of my favourite directors, but have never won a best director Oscar. Sergio Leone was never even nominated.

But what do that all have in common? They are blaze trailers at what they do and not just followers of a common theme that satisfies the masses. Sure, they became popular from making great movies. But them ripping up the genre rule book is what made them great, not because they were trying to be popular. This, it seems, irritated mainstream Hollywood to the point that it overlooked some of the greatest directors of our time.

We can still be great directors of our own lives without satisfying everyone. I’d even go as far as to say that, if you don’t piss a few people off you’re not doing it right.

We need to hire the best actors and extras onto our set. We should experiment with different scenery. We can write our own script. And we can do it all without having to please everyone. But remember to spice things up a little and add your own Easter egg hunt. It keeps things interesting!

Parent Guilt

I’ve recently watched a comedy/drama programme called Breeders. It was created by Martin Freeman who also plays the stressed out father in the show. In one episode he says to his 13 year old son “As a parent you make over a hundred decisions a day and you just hope that you get them right.”

Of all the decisions I’ve had to make in my life, those on the behalf of my kids have been easily the most challenging.

Since becoming a father I have changed. I see the world very differently now and, in many ways, I try to see it from their perspective. It is them who have to live in this world now. True I’m not old or ‘passed it’, but I also think that I’ve had my day. If I died tomorrow I’d be happy. I’ve seen enough. I could be greedy and want to see more, but look at what I’ve achieved already.

I survived school. I had loving parents. I went on caravan holidays and ate those mini choc chip cookies in my pajamas with about 8 other family members squished into the van. I felt that funny crush feeling when the ‘girl of my dreams’ walked past me in the school corridor. I also felt that crushed feeling when she never acknowledged me when I said hello.

I fell in love, out of love and all the different emotions in between. I’ve met good people along the way, some not so good. I’ve had some great jobs, eventually finding my vocation. I married my soulmate. Fathered two beautiful boys. I learned a new language. Moved to a different country.

I’ll carry on making memories, but my point is that if it was all to end tomorrow I would doff my cap to the Grim Reaper and bow out gracefully. The Grim Reaper doesn’t scare me, you see, he’s never been too far away. And anyway he’s a pussycat really. He can only take my shell. My energy will be around forever. My energy (or spirit if you’re spiritual) might even turn up to my old crush’s house to write sinister messages on her bathroom mirror!

But now it is my boys turn. They’ll make their own memories and a fair few of them will probably resemble mine, just like yours will. And as a parent I feel that it is my responsibility to prepare them the best I can. That means making decisions and hoping that I can get them right. Most of the time anyway.

I’m currently having to use my eight year old’s aftershave. He enjoys gelling his hair and dressing smart so a couple of years ago we decided to get him a set of aftershaves, a comb and little mirror. Nothing too lavish or expensive. But we recognized that he was very different from his older brother, who much prefers the ‘just got out of bed’ look.

I don’t have any aftershave at the moment. I could buy some quite easily from the supermarket who do a nice selection. But along with socks and undies, I don’t feel like buying my own aftershave is my responsibility. It is that of the gift giver on my birthday and Christmas. I currently have holes in my socks with my undies swiftly catching up and I am creeping into my eight year olds bedroom to nick a bit of old spice. This will be the situation until November when I’m hoping a gift giver will replenish my underwear stock and Eau de Toilette on my birthday.

My point is that, now, I don’t ask for much. I need my kids to be happy and grow up feeling loved. That’s it. Twenty years ago I wouldn’t leave the house without spraying half a bottle of something expensive on me and it would have been a disaster if I had to get dressed in the gym changing rooms wearing holy socks and undies. But priorities change.

My kids will see many wonderful things, but I won’t pretend to them that life is a fairytale either. As they grow older they will see the ugly sides to life too. Maybe that was the purpose of us moving to a different country. Within three months of finishing at their school in England, they were in a school in the Portuguese countryside where nobody spoke English (apart from the English teacher). My wife and I pretty much pushed them into the water and said ‘There you go, swim!’

I want them to have chances in life and to help create opportunities for them, but I don’t want to make it too easy for them.

I’ve always felt parent guilt. You know, that feeling that in some way you are letting your kids down. Was I around enough for them as babies? Did I teach them well enough when we had to home school? Is taking them away from their only home that they know in England the right thing to do?

Taking Jonas out of his football team was one of the most difficult things. He was proud to play for his home town. Bloody good he was too! And the guilt continues in that I haven’t pushed for him to play for his new home town yet. Jonas is the timid one out of my two boys. Only last Monday he sobbed at the school gates on his first day back after the summer holidays because he didn’t want to go in. And there’s been a few occasions where he has not wanted to join in activities during the summer due to his anxieties of leaving us. So I’m not sure a new football team is right for him just yet. I want him to get a year or two of school under his belt first.

But does my decision help me sleep at night? No. Parent guilt taps me on the shoulder as I’m just dozing off and says ‘Oi, you smelly, tatty socked sorry excuse of a dad. Let him play football or he’ll resent you forever!’

But I’ll prove parent guilt wrong in what he says, because from November I’ll have no tatty socks and I’ll smell like Paco Rabane!

Our House

We have been so busy dealing with all other aspects of the property we bought, we haven’t given our own house much TLC. On the day we got the keys we ensured that we made the inside of our house liveable for us and the kids which we did straight away. It is a comfortable space with extra outdoor areas such as an outdoor kitchen and sitting room that can be utilised for most of the year due to the weather. We have also created a TV room/games room and utility room in the downstairs areas. But the façade needed work.

The building is an old farm building. It will always be rustic. But it was all looking a bit too tatty for our liking. This week we set to work on improving its look. Here’s a few before and afters…

So obviously it didn’t look as bad as this before the jet wash, but we needed to get the flakey paint off.

After applying a primer we were happy with the progress.

A first top coat has been applied, plus the doors have been painted.

We still need to apply a few decorative bottles with lights and stuff but, as you can see, our house looks much better after a week of work on it.

Let us know what you think in the comments!

Let It Be

Today was another ‘lifestyle’ shoot with A New Life In The Sun. We decided on a trip to one of our favourite cafes, Cavalha, to get a few shots of us sipping wine and drinking coffee. The long coffee drink in Portugal (as opposed to the espresso shot) is called an abatanado.

It was also an opportunity to film along the Ribeira da Sertá, which is a stunning, clear river running through the centre of the town. We never tire of this part of Sertá. It’s where they held their four day Festa just a couple of weeks ago, it’s where the very safe play park is for the kids, it has cafes aplenty and it is the go to place for when Lou and I want to sit by the river after dropping the kids off at school. Many plans for the day have been drawn out sitting by the river before we head back to our property to begin work.

Lou and I haven’t managed that headspace for a couple of months now though. The boys broke up from school in mid June and they’ve still got 3 weeks left of their summer holidays. School summer holidays are long in Portugal. This will be fantastic when we are established, but this year has been tough to fully appreciate our times together.

Also, filming can become a long, stressful process too! Don’t get me wrong, it’s a box to tick in life. After all, ANLITS is the most viewed programme on Channel 4 in the UK and is repeated on various platforms. Last night I spoke to a previous contributor of the show who moved to Portugal to set up a glamping business on series 7. We agreed that while filming is fun and it will give a business much needed exposure, it can also take up a lot of time out of the day. And when there are the obvious pressures of starting a new life and business abroad to contend with, sharing an ultra stressful day with the world on camera can be difficult.

Our biggest stress at the moment is about getting our first booking for the holiday home. We recognise that we have missed most of the summer and people usually plan ahead when booking such places, so we’re hoping for scraps in September. But I refuse to become too anxious about this. We are brand new. It will take time for people to know that we actually exist. As long as we follow the process it will be fine.

I also appreciate the quote from writer Kahlil Gibran, who said,” Our anxiety does not come from thinking about the future, but from wanting to to control it.”

I much prefer to think about the future than become bogged down by past mistakes, but it is important to know that I can’t always control the outcome of the future. Sometimes, once I know that I have done my best, I just need to ‘let it be’.

I also remember the Field Of Dreams quote. “If you build it, they will come.”

Although I much preferred the Wayne’s World version!

The next planned filming is scheduled for our first guests arriving. ANLITS, if you’ve seen the programme, like to film this exciting and nerve-wracking occasion for the participants!

My hope is that this next filming won’t be too far away. After all, we’ve built it, surely they must come!

Meditation At Sunset Cove

Below is a guided meditation transcript that I’ve been working on during my time at Trizio lake. I’m currently looking for a new platform to record my meditations for others to enjoy.

My name is Shay and today I’ll be guiding you through a meditation that can be beneficial if you are currently struggling with stress, anxiety or worry and I am grateful that you decided to spend your precious time with me.

Before we begin I’d like to invite you to find a quiet space where you’ll be able to sit or lay for 15 minutes or so, so that you are giving yourself the best opportunity possible to find that moment of peace.

And as you settle into a comfortable position it’s important to remind yourself that, with or without the aid of a guided meditation, just to be able to find this quiet space now and again is crucial to your health and wellbeing. This can be your time to think, rest, plan and recover from the demands of the outside world.

This moment is for you to quiet down the noise that has pursued you throughout the day and allow yourself time to recover, recharge and to find a place of stillness in your mind. Negative thoughts serve no purpose to you right now. Let them go. If, at any time during this meditation, you find your mind wandering then know that this is absolutely fine. It is normal. Just refocus your energy back onto my words when you are able to.

Now you can realize your breathing pattern as you begin to surrender to your environment and the floor, chair or whatever it is that supports you right now. Take one deep breath in and feel the positive energy that you are creating fill your body. Slowly release. And once again you can continue with your usual breathing pattern. If you haven’t done so already, close your eyes and become witness the way your eyelids feel heavy and how your shoulders begin to lower as if they are melting away the stresses placed upon them.

Using your third eye now, in front of you, you can see every colour imaginable swirling and spiralling creating vivid shapes and dances. You watch intently as slowly they begin to create a pathway. A multi coloured pathway leading far into the distance.

Barefoot, you step onto the beginning of the path. It feels warm underneath your feet and radiates to you a great sense of comfort and happiness from this. You begin to walk along its path.

Although you don’t know where this path leads, you don’t feel the need to know right now. It just feels right. The warmth of the path reaches the tips of your fingers and all the way to your forehead as you realise that you are no longer walking on the path, but floating above it.

As you glide above the glowing coloured pathway you see a gate. The gate is a field gate made of pine. You descend towards it and gently land by its opening. You raise your hand to push the gate open but before you enter you turn to thank the wonderful vibrant colours that have brought you to this point. You then begin to smell the meadow that lays beyond the gate. As you walk through the gate you feel the grass on your feet making direct contact with the Earth’s energy. The crinkling sound of the grass as you continue walking reminds you of a care free childhood summer.

You look around and see flowers that bask in the sunshine and butterflies, bees and birds flutter and hop through the meadow. Beyond the fern and aurora a watery trickling sound catches your attention, to which you feel drawn to. Slowly you make your way towards a small cove which presents a vast lake. Deepen your connection to this place by realising the colour of the water as it trickles towards your feet. Notice how the radiation of the sun interacts with the Earth’s atmosphere and creates the bluest of skies. Feel the gentle breeze touch your face and feel the warm sandy ground between your toes.

You sit cross legged by the edge of the lake. You can see hilltops in the distance across from the lake with different shades of green foliage covering them. A bright orange glow appears into the sky line as the sun slowly descends behind the hilltops.

As the sun sets further behind the hilltops. This is the perfect moment for you to repeat this mantra, and please, if you have your own mantra then you are welcome to repeat your own words.

I am calm

I am in control

And I am always able to find solutions.

Repeat your mantra as you gaze at the sun disappearing behind the hilltops.

I am calm

I am in control

And I am always able to find solutions.

Continue to repeat.

It’s time to thank your visualization now. The gate, the meadow, the cove and the lake, the hilltops and the sun. Thank them for allowing you to see such tranquil beauty at this important time to you.

And now it’s time to meet your conscious self once again, in your quiet space. Take a deep breath now and repeat your mantra once more.

I am calm

I am in control

And I am always able to find solutions.

When you are ready to, open your eyes. Make yourself aware of your surroundings and, just for a few moments, reflect on your experience from the past 20 minutes or so.

When you are fully happy to leave your quiet space then you are able to continue your day with optimism, love and calm in your heart and mind.

Goodbye for now friend.

The Penalty Kick

I remember taking a penalty kick for my school football team and the pressure was unreal. A few parents and a man and his dog stood on the touchline as I put the ball on the penalty spot. The weight of the team’s expectations felt heavy on my shoulders. I missed. I wasn’t a natural goalscorer, but I tried.

Other moments of notable sporting anxiety was when I did my first ever ‘fat loss’ class as an instructor at the gym. 30 people stood waiting for my instructions as I waited for the music to kick in. For all of my knowledge and everything I had learnt in instructing a fitness class, I could hardly remember any exercise except for a squat. Nerves are great, it gives me that buzz, but sometimes if they are out of control it doesn’t help for clear thinking.

I also recall my first day at coaching 20 kids on their summer sports activities. I wasn’t a natural like some of the other coaches, but I knew from experience of being a dad that if you demand respect and make something fun and act a bit silly, a bunch of kids will love whatever activity you do. In fact, come to think about it the adults in my exercise class were exactly the same. I wasn’t the coolest, fittest, leanest or strongest instructor, but it’s amazing how far a few dad jokes will get you with kids or adults. We all just want to smile at the end of the day and, whatever is going on at home outside of the gym or summer camp, we remember the moments that we smiled to get us through it.

As I was reflecting on my year so far I began to realise that I seem to excel when I start to feel the adrenaline. I’m at my happiest. It doesn’t always mean that I’ll be the best at something. The penalty kick and my first ever fitness class are examples of that. But had I not put myself forward for these things, or to put it another way, had I not been willing to come out of my comfort zone, then great things would not have followed.

I couldn’t have been a successful personal trainer without that first ever fitness class and I wouldn’t have enjoyed a few seasons at the kids summer sports camp without that awkward first day. Even the missed penalty showed that I was willing to stand up and be a leader. It didn’t do Stuart Pearce or Gareth Southgate any harm.

This year I’ve been interviewed for UK TV about my recent move to Portugal. It will be available to watch in January. You might see that I’m not a natural in front of the camera. And I’ve often been asked about what motivated me to apply to be filmed during such a massive move for me and my family. They don’t pay us for making the show, so it wasn’t money. And the days that they are here can be time consuming as we set up the microphones for interviews. So why do it?! Well, it’s the adrenaline thing again. I work best under pressure. I’m happy to be filmed being challenged with budget difficulties, language barriers and building works. I have to step up and take that penalty again or enter that fitness studio for the first time. It can only improve my character.

Years ago I was talking to a friend who was having difficulty finding employment. He was a hard worker and desperate for work. He told me that he had had many interviews but never got accepted. The main reason for this is that he would clam up and be extremely shy in the interview. I know that he was shy and he found it difficult to hide. Even talking to friends he would sometimes go very red in the face.

My advice to him was to let the interviewers know as soon as you sit down. Explain that, ‘I am very nervous today so please forgive me. I’ll take a deep breath and do my best.’

This will put you and the interviewers at ease and it will also show self awareness, honesty and determination to get past it. He got his next job that he applied for.

Being honest with yourself and those around you is important. If you can enter difficult situations with transparency then the confidence will grow and important skills can be had. But without that first honest step out of your comfort zone then you are not allowing yourself to grow.

Actress Jessica Williams said,”Get more confidence by doing things that excite and frighten you.”

Even if it means taking the penalty kick.

Waterfall

‘There is a hidden message in every waterfall. It says if you are flexible, falling will not hurt you.’ Mehmet Murat Ildan.

As a child and then into my adult life I often felt a sadness that I could not explain. It was deep rooted, as if nothing could ever make me feel settled or comfortable within myself. I longed for something to truly make me happy.

The Portuguese have a term for this which is ‘saudade’. There is no direct translation into English for this word.

But I must explain more clearly. I have had some wonderful experiences in my life. Some things that have given me great memories that I will treasure. My childhood home was a stable, happy home. My early adult life had its turbulence, I suppose, like for most young people but I kept jobs, got promotions, had healthy relationships, studied and learnt new things. As I got older I met my future wife, became a father, bought and sold houses and began new career ventures. And now we live in Portugal with the hope of a bright, exciting future. All of these things have helped me to be happy. But, especially in my earlier life, that sadness in the pit of my core would not vanish completely. It was like a whoosh of anxiety that really felt like a black cloud hanging over me.

In recent years I have discovered ways to help me feel differently. To take away those anxieties.

Exercise and weight training became my release. Damaging muscle fibres in order for them to regenerate was a whole lot better way of self harm than that which had run through my youthful self. And that’s what it felt like. I wanted to punish myself and my body. There were times that I was disgusted at looking at myself in the mirror. Lifting something heavy several times and feeling pain gave me some sort of release.

Then, in later life, as well as keeping an exercise training routine (but a much more positive one these days), I began to meditate. This has enabled me to control my breathing from the core and, knowing that this is where the whooshy anxiety comes from, really helps me to address it from deep within.

Staring At The Waterfall

There’s this image that I had, and seemingly many other people have, that meditation is about sitting cross legged, eyes closed and hands in a certain pose. It is often associated with Buddhism or other religious practices. And there is also this perception of meditation being done in a dark quiet room, perhaps accompanied with chimes or flute music.

Whilst all of these can be done during meditating, it is certainly not my usual go-to style. Today, I stood by a waterfall. I was with my family, so the kids were their usual rowdy selves. It didn’t deter me. For a few moments, I was mesmerized by the sight, sounds and the smells of this waterfall. Every drop of water danced differently to the next. Each sound I captured went from a trickle to a splash. The smell felt fresh, sometimes the scent of a sandy beach caught my attention.

I said that I was mesmorized for a few moments. The truth is it could’ve been just ten seconds or it could have been minutes. I’m not sure. But I soon became aware of the kids strangling each other so I sorted that little issue out before taking a few pictures!

Over the past few years as I have pursued this journey of self enlightenment I have learnt one big lesson. I need to be flexible in nurturing my emotions. Sometimes I trickle. Sometimes I splash. There’s no right or wrong way.

I now know that this deep rooted sadness cannot harm me. I can live for the moment, whether I’m trickling or splashing, and be grateful and happy with my life.

Today I felt like I was the waterfall. And we could argue on whether or not looking at a waterfall is actually meditation, but my conclusion would be that if you have to think about this then you are losing the magic of the moment. Call it what you like. As long as we can take a moment to realise the beauty in something that we might otherwise take for granted. A singing bird. The rustling of a tree. Or a waterfall.

I’ve discovered that it is not what I look at that matters, it is what I see (or hear, touch and smell). I can look at a waterfall that I pass most days, but what I see when I actually take that moment is a work of beauty, history, a creation that tells me a story. It speaks to me.

So my flexibility of thought has enabled me to see, not just look. And maybe I will pass this waterfall a dozen times again and look at it, but I know that when I need to, I will actually see it.

This is what keeps my anxiety away.

The Sum Of The Parts

It is the age old question in the gym in regards to what is the best type of training for weight management or, as is commonly known as, fat loss.

“Should I use weights?”

“Do I join a high intensity class or go on treadmills?”

“Is it high reps or low reps?”

These sorts of questions are the most frequently asked to a Personal Trainer in a commercial gym.

The correct answer, of course, is never that simple. Every individual is different, yes, but generally all of the above are perfectly fine ways to manage weight for the average adult.

To elaborate on these answers I could also suggest going for long, frequent walks, preparing your meals and counting calories for a short period of time or taking the stairs instead of the elevator. (That last suggestion isn’t meant to sound flippant or facetious. It is my attempt to encourage a more active outlook in one’s daily routine and we often miss these opportunities in order to get somewhere quicker or for convenience.)

So when we break it all down into these different training techniques, ways of moving and positive lifestyle changes we get the bigger picture. One which promotes weight management. And as long as these can be incorporated there will be success in one’s fitness journey.

But it all starts with a spark or a thought that leads us onto actually adopting these positive things into our lives. And if you have read this article up to now, I am assuming that you have already begun the thought process.

Indian philanthropist and businessman Pankaj Patel once said,”It is the sum of the parts that make up the whole. So excellence comes from how one undertakes to do something. It all begins with the thought process which is creative and exalted to produce something out of the ordinary.”

To make up the whole, it is said, you need all the little components to complete it. The thought process, or the planning, is a vital component.

In regards to a weight management journey, the whole needs planning, but this planning must include all the factors that I have spoken about. Frequent walks are just as important as making It into the gym. Why? Because it is an important part of the sum that creates the whole. Many people have found their motivation, inspiration, their plans, their passions and indeed themselves on a long walk. It cannot be underestimated. It’s also a great exercise.

There are no magical processes that can guarantee weight management (whatever you want to manage it to be). But there are a number of methods that, when put together, can give you the best opportunities. Many of them I’ve listed above.

I will often give my clients a little bit of homework. I ask them to write down four or five ways in which they can achieve their realistic body weight target. And when they have actually thought about it, they come back to me with the answers I have listed above. This is because we are not reinventing the wheel here, as many influencers would have you believe, we are simply adding simple methods to your life and tweaking things that need a bit of change.

It is the sum of the parts that you already have at your disposal. And when you use them correctly, you begin to have access to the whole.

Shay is a personal trainer, CBT therapist, meditation guide and owner of Pinheiros Tranquilos Bem Estar in central Portugal.

Sometimes It’s Just The Little Things

Social media would have you believe that you need to be ready for the catwalk or the front cover of Men’s Health magazine to be successful in the gym.

I also believe that we can get anxious when we see other people’s Instagram posts of them on holidays in some wintery wonderland to visit Santa, sat by a pool in an exotic location or having their picture taken with Mickey Mouse. I’ve done it myself. After seeing someone’s snaps of them and their children in Lapland I suddenly felt inadequate that I wasn’t taking my kids to see Santa in his homeland. I then checked the price of such a holiday and quickly clicked on to Wish to buy a Santa costume. The kids won’t know the difference.

But it isn’t the fault of the parents who put the photos on Instagram. They just want to show their social media friends what a great time they’re having. We rarely see ‘influencers’ taking a selfie on the days they’re feeling bloated and our Facebook friends are not as quick to post the videos where their kids are having a tantrum. No. We all prefer to show the world our best side.

And I am conscious about what I post online, especially since our move to Portugal. When I first mentioned that we were moving to Portugal, most of our friends and family would be like ‘ooh! I don’t blame you with all that sunshine’ or stuff to that effect. Throughout winter I’ve posted pictures of us dining out, in swimming pools and even having a BBQ on Christmas day. The weather, albeit not our greatest motivation for making the move, can be lovely.

But already this week in March we have had to shelter from the heat. Even the Portuguese builders were happy to find jobs to do that were in the shade during the hottest parts of the day. We are beginning to understand the need for siestas. This is where shops and cafes close for a few hours, usually around 2 until 5. People start to pull shutters down on their windows and the streets and roads empty.

As a Brit who hasn’t had this issue before, however, it can be frustrating. We need the builders to get the job done, we need builders merchants to be open for supplies and Lou and I have 20,000 square metres of land to clean before the summer. And even the amount of land would bring about comments on ‘how lovely for the kids’ it is to have so much land. It is, absolutely we will make it wonderful for us and our guests. But at the moment it is a tinder box waiting for the spark. We don’t want a few hours break in the afternoon. Daytime is when we have always got stuff done, while the kids are at school! It’s irritating, but we will have to change. Coming into spring and with summer just around the corner. We’ll need to find different moments in the day where we can work outside. One way or another we need to get it done. Time, as we are discovering, is money.

So in true form, I won’t be posting a picture of Lou and I panicking about the budget of our project. Instead I’m showing you our homemade irrigation system for our vegetable patch. The veg patch is an old chicken coup and, although we discussed having chickens in the future, we decided to use it to grow vegetables for now instead. When we moved into the property there were lots of useful hosepipes hanging around the place and several water taps and bore holes. Cutting a length of pipe and drilling holes into it has provided much needed water for our lettuce.

By the end of the day, and I guess the whole point of this blog, as we sat in the (slightly) cooler evening we talked about how satisfying it was to be creative and, most importantly, to do it together. That might sound silly. After all, we haven’t gone our separate ways to go to work etc for the past 6 months. Lou and I have done everything together. But writing a business plan, filling out VISA forms or putting furniture together isn’t as rewarding as planting some lettuce and providing them with water.

It’s part of our dream. The vision. It’s what we talked about almost every evening in the UK. The sort of veg we would grow and how self sufficient we could become is part of the package on this journey. It’s important to us. And, yes, so are the VISA forms and the flat packed book shelf, but that doesn’t excite us.

I make no apologies for showing you my punctured bit of hose pipe. For now, that’s my Lapland. It’s the ‘look at me with Mickey Mouse in Disneyland’ moment. So the next time I see the lovely pics of tinterweb friends and influencers on social media, I’ll remember my great moment making our irrigation system. Sometimes it’s just the little things.