Rope-A-Dope

Perhaps I was a little over ambitious to set about a new online course for a further qualification just a couple of weeks before the summer holidays kicked in. With two boys off school I’m struggling to find any extra time for my regular appointments, let alone the added stress of completing assignments.

But that’s where I’m at. It’s what I signed up for. I don’t like my personal growth, business, economical, family or physical growth to become stagnant. And sometimes it is challenging.

I recently listened to a podcast from a speaker who said,”If you remain comfortable, you will fail. Success is not a comfortable procedure. You have to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. Start putting some pressure on.”

I fully understand this sentiment. I need goal setting, time lines, wins and losses. I’m not a betting man. At least not with the bookmakers. I hate it. I don’t even do the lottery. But I do take a punt on the outsider now and again trying to sneak a goal or ‘win by a nose’. On this occasion, that outsider is me.

One of Mohammed Ali’s most famous fights in the ring was 1974’s Rumble In The Jungle. He spent most of that fight on the ropes defending himself against the onslaught of George Foreman’s punches. Ali managed to tire his opponent out (throwing punches continuously is extremely tiring) and counter this by building his own attacks. He knocked Foreman out in the 8th round. The term was called rope-a-dope.

Success isn’t always built by coming out of the blocks looking for the quick fix. It often takes calculated risks. Ali left his comfort zone. He didn’t want the heavyweight champion of the world throwing punch after punch on him whilst he was trapped on the ropes. It’s a risky tactic. But he knew that this was a technique to win the match in this particular battle.

And as I sit in my bedroom thinking of the punches that are coming my way, I know that I will need to roll with them. Sure, I’ll need to come out fighting at some point, but I also need to find a way of protecting myself until I align myself with the task in hand. It’s not my round 8 just yet.

Choosing between…

* worrying about unfinished jobs, crying over missed opportunities, procrastinating over deadlines, avoiding the mirror because the school holidays seem like a looooong time and my belly looks bigger and the ‘v’ frown on my forehead gets more prominent, or

* choosing your battles, when to attack, when to rest, planning your route, accepting the knocks and finding solutions.

Both are about leaving your comfort zone. But the latter, albeit daunting and uncomfortable, still gives you control. There’s no easy way in finding what you want. The one that at least puts you in the most amount of control must be the best way.

Ali was always in control during this fight, but Foreman didn’t know that. Foreman felt too comfortable. It would be his downfall.

I know that my desires and ambition shouldn’t be tethered. They should be allowed to run freely around in my head like a pool of ideas, creativity and inspiration. And so I need to leave my comfort zone and set them free, knowing that I must remain patient in truly finding the wins in some cases. Locking my future goals away entirely will only fester anger and frustration.

I need to start with my next assignment if I’m to follow my own advice. One punch at a time, Shay. One punch at a time. As long as I can withstand that, It’ll soon be my round 8.

Last Of The Summer Wine

Over the past few weeks there’s been parents queuing up at the booze isle so that they can choose their poison for the evening when they’ve put the kids to bed.

How do I know? Because I’ve been one of them. And although it hasn’t gotten to fisty cuffs just yet, there’s been a few near misses as I hurdle the crates and boxes placed by the staff in the centre of the isles to get to the last bottle of Montepulciano. I almost straddled Big Dave’s back to reach for this particularly fruity red but luckily he was headed for the stout section. Just as well. If I had to challenge him for my favourite tipple I think I would’ve lost.

Of course, it’s not just the parents heading for the booze section. A study published by The Lancet in 2017 found that global alcohol consumption had gone up by 70% from 1990 to 2017. Notice the dates. This was pre-pandemic. I can’t imagine the consumption of alcohol to have gone down.

People are finding work stressful. They turn on the news to wars and political unrest. The economy is a mess. Social media can be addictive but toxic. People are having to hang on in there. The daily grind leads to an alcohol unwind. I just made that up. It rhymed.

But anyway, my job as a fitness coach isn’t to analyse the many studies made on our society. But it is my job to know how to deal with the many different issues that our society brings up. Body confidence, work life balance, injuries, physical health, mental health and food anxieties are all things that I deal with regularly in my work.

But I’ll tell you why I am particularly good at what I do. Everything I have listed above I have had to deal with in my own life at some time or another. Some are more prominent than others, but damn, it hits you like a ton of bricks and knocks you off course pretty quickly. Alcohol, perhaps, becomes a crux for some. For others it might be over or under eating. And then there’s a whole myriad of people who self harm in other ways. There isn’t much I haven’t seen.

My weight management programme has been tweaked to what is now a well established offering to my clients. Why? Most people don’t even know they’re on a programme. It simply becomes a journey of self discovery. It deals with becoming stronger both physically and mentally. It is designed to challenge the body and the thought processes that we have. I not only wrote the programme, but I lived it first.

Adding a summer sports school for a hundred kids two days a week to my list of work commitments this summer has had me spinning those plates to the extent that, just maybe, Big Dave wouldn’t have stood a chance had he made a grab for my bottle of Montepulciano.

But come September, I’ll be back to dropping the kids off at school and having a focus on developing my online coaching programmes and my gym work.

And seeing as the kids go back to school next week and I’m about to open this bottle of Montepulciano right now, it could be the last of my summer wine.

As Easy As 1,2,3

Up and down the country parents are dealing with consoling their children who have just received their GCSE results today. There’s going to be some very happy households too. Many kids will have made their grades and will be able to put their plan A into place.

But for the kids that were like me at 16 it will feel like a lonely experience. Embarrassing too. Friends, cousins and jubilated kids on the news waving their bit of paper in the air all seemed to do better than me. I felt like a failure.

I even remember what I wore that day. It was my grunge stage at 16. Long hair, ripped jeans and an orange REM t-shirt from the Monster album. Grunge symbolised the anger, frustration and angst of those years. Listening to bands like Nirvana, Pearl Jam and Soundgarden became much more appealing than revising for exams.

I will never know how those exam results changed my life. Not really. I never felt like I wanted to go to University, so top grades never appealed to me anyway. The problem was that I didn’t know what I wanted to do at 16.

But what I do know now is that those results didn’t define me. I thought they did at the time. And it used to annoy me that If I were to fill out a job application form it would ask for my GCSE results. 27 years later, is my knowledge of GCSE algebra of any importance to any potential employer? My knowledge of algebra does not define me!

I didn’t know it then, but I learnt a great lesson that day. I learnt how to deal with disappointment. And not just the sort of disappointment you get when you open up the takeaway bag to find that they’ve missed out the salt and pepper spare ribs, as crushing as that is. No. The disappointment that you feel when you don’t even want to be on the planet anymore. You don’t know why you exist.

And looking back throughout my life I managed to discover lots of failures. I fail often. Only now, I absolutely love it!

Due to knowledge, experience, a good track record and plenty of recommendations I seemed to have stumbled into becoming a weight management specialist within my coaching. And I call it weight management because as much as the large percentage of people want to lose weight, I also work with those who need to gain weight. So specialising in weight loss wouldn’t do what I do any justice.

What I find is that many people go through the same emotions as I have. Not so much in them having the same experiences, but in how they feel about themselves after failure. Not hitting a weight target, not managing to complete an exercise routine or feeling like they’ve eaten too much or too little. Anxiety and resentment can take over.

But over time I’ve managed a lightbulb moment that has armed me with the most valuable tool. I now know that failure is not the opposite of success, it is a part of it. To succeed at anything, we must accept that we fail sometimes. That’s why I love it. Failure, to me now, is a milestone moment. If I know how it went wrong, tomorrow I will know how to put it right.

You will not have success every day, whatever your goals. It will hurt. I know it will. And the good news is that whatever your journey might be, it won’t be as bad as learning algebra.

Alternative Therapies

What do you think about the term ‘alternative therapy’?

So often during conversations about certain therapy that might be useful to a person’s physical or mental health it gets passed off as ‘hippie dippy’ (which is what crystal healing was called by a friend of mine). Other descriptions made to reference alternative therapies are bizaar, ridiculous and weird.

Perhaps some are. We live in an era where multi media can help sell any fad to any group of people or demographics and I have no doubt that many alternative therapies have been hijacked by the billion dollar business of the health and fitness industry. Indeed, if a celebrity brings out a book on maggot debridement therapy alarm bells start ringing to me.

However, many helpful treatments classed as alternative therapies are things that are much older than conventional treatments. Yoga, for example, is traced back to Northern India some 5,000 years ago. Meditation is an ancient practice from 5000 BCE. The Chinese medical text Con-Fu of the Toa-Tse dates back to 1800 BC detailing the application of massage techniques for therapy. Crystal healing, thought to be ‘hippy dippy’ by a friend of mine, was first used 6000 years ago by the ancient Sumerians of Mesopotomia.

Conventional treatment cannot be ignored either, of course. I’m a science man myself. I like the research, experimentation and the practical study of our world. Without it I wouldn’t be able to be a Personal Trainer. I don’t just stumble across a number of movements and hope that they work for a client. I follow the evidence in what WILL work for whatever my client wishes to achieve.

But it is also important to be open minded and question things. And I question everything. I question why our health services are so quick to dispense anti depressants to us. According to the OECD Health Statistics, the USA and the UK have some of the highest numbers when it comes to their citizens taking anti depressants compared to other nations.

The pharmaceuticals industry is worth 1.42 trillion US dollars (statists.com). The antidepressant industry alone is worth 28.6 billion dollars. So I question why our health services would ever want to promote any type of alternative therapy when they earn so much from us popping pills.

And yet I still can’t discredit medicine. It is a fantastic invention that saves lives or can make lives easier to live. Choosing between conventional treatment or alternative therapy is the issue for me. It shouldn’t be a case of either/or.

Personally my last resort has always been turning to conventional medication. In my early 20’s I was prescribed antidepressants. I held the prescription in my hand as I stood outside the pharmacy, wondering if there was an alternative. Down the road to the pharmacy was a gym. I joined that instead.

But the gym didn’t completely cure my anxieties. They’re still there and, as I have discovered, it is just a part of my personality. The gym just helps me to think whilst producing endorphins, which happens to be the body’s very own natural happy drug. There’s me and science again! Any type of movement can produce it. Just do the movement that you enjoy and you’ll get your very own supply of endorphins!

I have never met a person who has not benefited from yoga. And I don’t mean the sort offered by most multi national gyms. You want fixing not breaking. I mean proper yoga taught by a yoga instructor in a yoga studio. I’ve never heard anybody feel worse from a massage treatment performed by my wife. Most people feel that, with consistent treatment, their body and mind feels much more relaxed. And I’ve never encountered a poor meditation. Sitting in silence with your own thoughts and feelings for a short time each day should be a priority to anybody, whatever ailments we have. What’s so weird about that?!

Alternative therapy should always be considered in our quest for peace, happiness, health and fitness. As much as modern day medicine is extremely important, grounding ourselves and opening up our therapeutic experiences in our lives should always be considered.

And if somebody scoffs at you for buying a yoga mat, invite them to do The Crow and enjoy the entertainment.

Self Acceptance

What does ‘self acceptance’ mean to you?

For me it is about realising that I’m not perfect, that I have flaws, I cannot please others or myself all of the time and whilst working to improve daily I can still find humour in my weaknesses.

I’m changing daily. So are you. If you can truly accept yourself today, maybe your tomorrow’s self will be happier.

Here are a few other examples of how people interpret self acceptance…

“When you stop living your life based on what others think of you real life begins. At that moment you will finally see the door of self acceptance open.” Author Shannon L. Alder

“You have been criticizing yourself for years, and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.” Author Louise L Hay

Or poet R.H Sin simply put “Make peace with your broken pieces.”

And Buddha said “You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”

I am currently studying the Socratic method of cognitive behaviour and one of the principles of this is Self Acceptance. It got me thinking. I’m supposed to be the one helping others, yet there are days when I’m so down on myself I feel like a fraud for even attempting to help anybody else. And then I got it. A bit of a lightbulb moment perhaps.

I’m not supposed to be perfect every day. Some days I will make mistakes, I’ll let myself down or I’ll give up on something. But if I have the ability to accept this as part of me, then I know how to fix it.

In my interpretation of Self Acceptance I said that finding humour in my weaknesses is a factor. Sometimes finding the humility to laugh at myself or to say sorry to somebody rather than excuse myself is a good place to start. Battling with ego and pride takes so much more energy than simply accepting a mistake or a blemish.

Take a moment yourself to think about all of the fantastic qualities that you have. You have flaws, yet the positive aspects of you and your life can outweigh the negatives if you allow them to. And in the meantime you can work on the bits that you don’t like too.

You just need to accept them.

Thank you for reading my blog. Please contact me if you have any questions or if you would like to apply for a place on my coaching app.

The Journey

A very important piece of advice was given to me the other day and it has stuck with me. In fact, the more I think about it the more I can relate it to me and my goals and I see it in other people too.

The person who loves to walk will walk further than the person who loves the destination.

When you love the journey, goals just happen. The destination is cool too! But you are so engaged with the process you don’t even realise that you are there. You carry on. You hit more milestones. And whether you inch forward on some days or you take big strides, you want to continue.

This advice is so huge it goes beyond the stuff we do to become fitter or jacked or to control our weight. This is a lesson for life. There are some months I could earn more money in my previous job. I could walk away from being self-employed with no holiday or sick pay and know that I could have a regular income each month.

But this journey that I’m on? Priceless. I’ll enjoy this journey so much more. The stress, the pitfalls and the headaches are there but the good times, by far, outweigh the bad. This is my own process. My destiny.

I’ll need to give myself a little tap on the shoulder in future when I have a moment feeling down or inadequate just to remind myself of why I keep walking. Some days I’m crawling, some days I’m running. Either way, I keep going forward on my journey because I enjoy it.

I spent so long not enjoying the process. In the gym I’d choose the wrong exercises because ‘that’s just what you need to do, dude!’

And yet it isn’t what I ‘just need to do’. I need to find the few exercises that I enjoy and become good at them. Then the journey really begins. I find new and interesting formulas and techniques. Maybe stuff that I hated before became appealing and the challenge of trying it and succeeding gets me out of bed in the morning.

Transferring this attitude into everyday life is similar. The journey needs to make sense to you. It has to be yours and a good PT will make it yours because it will be personal to you. Something I’ve yet to see from Poundland PT is actually making Personal Training personal. If a PT can’t do that all they do is give every person they train a gym induction. Gym inductions are free.

Your journey becomes an obsession. Obsessions can be healthy, even if we might not like the word or its connotation. Most people we see as being happy, healthy or successful got to where they are because they were obsessed about their journey. They trained almost every day. They made their journey personal and kept on walking.

So what of the destination? Is it irrelevant? No, for sure it plays a part, but if you focus on the big house, the sports car, becoming jacked, being a size 8, taking 4 cruises a year or having the perfect family then you will be disappointed. You’ll want short cuts. You’ll take routes that you don’t enjoy and can even be dangerous to your mental or physical health. You become desperate. You quit.

The destination just happens. But it only happens if you enjoy the walk.

Keep going forward son. There’s nothing to stop you on your journey but your own self doubts.

Fear

One of the biggest obstacles you will have to overcome in your quest for happiness is fear. You fear the past, you fear the future and no matter what state of mind you are currently in, you fear it. If you are happy you fear being too happy because you don’t want to be hurt or let down again. If you are unhappy you fear it because you’ve been here before and you’ve read the script. It cripples you.

Maybe you have to change the script. As the author, you can make edits.

“You are a ghost driving a meat covered skeleton made of stardust on a rock in the middle of space. Fear nothing.” Eric Mina.

It is your ego that makes you fearful. You don’t want to fail. You don’t want to be seen doing something wrong. You don’t want to die.

Yet you WILL do all of these things anyway. And when your ego holds you back, tell it to f@#k off. And if it’s another person holding you back, get them out of your life.

Then you will be fearless.

Everything that you want is on the other side of fear.

If you want success then go and get it. What would make you feel like a success? Take a moment to visualize what a successful you looks like.

If you want good health then go and get it. What would make you feel healthier than you do right now? Close your eyes and imagine what a healthier you would do.

Don’t let fear hold you back.

Don’t fear your next struggle. Some of the biggest struggles that we go through, we learn our biggest lessons. Think about your own personal life. Think about a particular struggle. Now think about how you turned it around. How did you do this? What did you learn? Who was there to help you? These are the questions you need to ask yourself often, because it is the answers to these questions that become your armour. You have faced fear before. You’ve suffered misfortune and you have had moments of despair. Yet here you are. Surviving.

So don’t fear what you have already conquered. The chances are you are stronger than you think you are.

I am a Fitness Coach, Personal Trainer, Meditation Teacher studying Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. I’m good at what I do because I deal with fear every day just like everybody else. Today I won. Tomorrow I’ll try to win again.

How To Approach ANY Fitness Goal

Dale is absolutely buzzing. Today he just walked 30 minutes to the gym, completed an intense resistance workout and ran home again before he gets ready for his shift. As he showers he reflects back on his workout. Sure, he’s tired before he even gets to work! But there’s also a feeling of satisfaction and an adrenaline that will keep him going long into his shift. He even flecks on the way past the mirror. “Still got it”, he says to himself.

Today was his first gym session in a while and he is following a training programme. Tomorrow he’ll do the same and then his rest days are to complete 10,000 steps. “Active recovery”, his PT demands. On top of this, he promises himself to cut out the midweek drinking. Over the past few months he has noticed that he has been buying more beers to drink after work. It has left him feeling sluggish and unhappy with his weight.

He goes to bed feeling tired but accomplished after today. His gym kit is ready for tomorrow.

Then tomorrow comes. He didn’t get the best night’s sleep. It was warm and he tossed and turned. He ended up on the sofa so that his wife was not disturbed. As he eats his breakfast a whole lot of excuses go through his mind on why he can’t make the gym today.

He feels tired, so there’s no point as it will be a rubbish workout. Maybe he could just drive there and back, but no, it needs to be just like yesterday’s session otherwise he’ll feel like he’s failed. There’s paperwork to do for work. The car needs booking in for its service. The kids need to be dropped off at their activities. He needs energy for other stuff. Maybe he should leave the gym for today and hope for a better day tomorrow.

After work he opens up a beer. He’s starting his workouts again tomorrow so a few cans won’t harm tonight.

A week passes and he has only been to the gym on that first day. Bad night’s sleep has continued due to his alcohol consumption. This has caused anxiety which has led to poor meal choices. He marches on the spot while the kettle boils to at least show his PT that he is getting in his 10,000 steps but most days he is a few thousand away from reaching them.

If only he hadn’t talked himself out of the gym on day 2. He doesn’t even understand why he did. He kind of enjoyed it!

The paperwork for his job will still be there after a workout. The car can still be booked into a garage if he went to the gym. The kids can still be taken to their activities. Going to the gym 4 times a week wouldn’t make his life, his family’s life or his work life suffer. It would most likely have a much more positive effect. And deep down he knows that it isn’t just the warm weather causing him to have a bad night’s sleep. The alcohol he drinks will give him poor quality sleep but eventually his sleeping would become much better if he remained consistent with his training programme. His PT tells him that. The fitness pages on his social media tells him that. Articles on how to approach any fitness goal tells him that.

No matter how good his last workout was or how intense he made it, if he doesn’t do it consistently he will not reach his goals. And his goals aren’t just about giving a flex in the mirror and feeling pumped. It’s about feeling better about himself. It’s about having more energy for his wife and kids. It’s about approaching middle age and wanting to do something about his health now before it gets even harder when he is older.

He will have bad days. Days where an emergency crops up. But his consistent approach means that he can plan an alternative. What he can’t do is stop, put it on hold or promise himself that he’ll start again in January. Work, family, the odd bad night’s sleep, that old niggling injury and the car needing a service will still be there in January. He knows this! But those excuses just keep on popping into his head.

Whatever your goals are, you need to consistently work on a solid plan and stick to it. It could be the best plan in the world but if it isn’t carried out consistently you will not get to where you want to be.

Remember Dale the next time you think about giving your workout a miss. You might even come up with a similar excuse to what he used. If so, do it differently.

Cyborg Boxy

Before the summer holidays if somebody would have told me that my 8 and 6 year olds would have been using sharp fabric cutting scissors and needles to make plushie toys I would have laughed at them.

Firstly, I would’ve felt uneasy at allowing them to use such sharp scissors. Secondly, the lads imagining and creating anything other than a head shot on Fortnite or a rainbow flick with a football seemed quite ridiculous. But of course, that’s my influence. My wife has now shown them how to sew and they’re obsessed. And what a fantastic obsession to have!

I have written about my eldest developing nervous tics over the past couple of years which seem certain to be due to the pandemic and the lockdowns. Jonas is a sensitive lad who comes across as fairly confident with his big curly hair and bold football skills. And his younger brother Finlay, who likes to play the Joker, is equally as sensitive deep down. But people see the confident kid who likes to tell jokes or give a fist pump to the camera as they score a goal. Take away the clown mask and it can be a different story. I know. I was that kid too.

Kids have stuff going on in their heads that we can’t comprehend. They’ve been growing up locked in their homes, not been able to see friends at school or to have any other human contact outside of their immediate family and listening to daily death tolls in the news as their parents left the house in face masks. How many kids will have been thinking “Will my mum and dad be next. Are we going to die?”

Jonas and Finlay have found comfort in creative therapy. Having a focus is important. I’m very happy that they’ve found this skill. I never did. Creative therapy is not really my ‘thing’. But I do have other ways to find my therapy. As a PT it’ll be no surprise to you that training is of great comfort to me. That has been my thing throughout my adulthood. And more recently I’ve found that meditation and using Tibetan singing bowls is extremely soothing. I never really had myself down as a singing bowl type of person. But then, what is a singing bowl type of person? Do we need to pigeon hole ourselves and stay in our box to suit anybody else’s views and opinions?

The truth is that nobody knows what their therapy is until they give it a go. It might be drawing or colouring in, going for walks or joining a fitness class. It might be sewing and creating or it could be meditating. There could be something that you have never ever tried before that gives you a real grounding to your life.

A good PT will help change your body. A great PT will change your life. If I want to be great at what I do then I can’t just bark orders on how many reps a trainee should do each week. Even a keen trainee would only spend one hour a day doing formal exercise. But what of the other 23 hours of the day? What about nutrition, sleep and mental health? That is where the true results happen.

And if my kids can find their therapy I’m quite sure that everyone else can make their very own Cyborg Boxy too. We’ve just got to have a go and find it.

Mirror, Mirror On The Wall

Hmm. How can I make an interesting article about the thickness of mirrors? How can I make it informative without having you guys fall asleep when I start describing the thickness of glass?

Well, if you go to the gym and look in the mirrors or if you try clothes on in a clothes shop then you might find it rather enlightening. And I’ll not get too technical. Promise.

Leonardo Da Vinci said “The mirror is our teacher.” He was referring to the mirror being used as a fresh eye. When I train a client in a gym I will often look in the mirror at my client’s form instead of looking directly at them. Apart from the fact that it can be off putting having someone (even your PT who you trust) staring at you as you struggle through your set, me looking through the mirror gives me a different perspective on their form. I see things differently. We can lose perspective with the naked eye. Reflections can create new ones, especially with the thickness of a gym mirror which should be above 5mm in thickness.

Due to health and safety, public mirrors must be of a certain thickness and be safety backed. Therefore this thickness can give us a much better perspective of the reality that it portrays. Whereas a domestic mirror might only be 3mm in thickness. This can create a mottled effect on the glass and give a distorted view of what we see, especially in cheap mirrors that are mass produced.

Trainees have often said to me,”I look great in the gym but when I look at myself at home I feel rubbish again!”

This is the reason why. The gym mirror will be a true reflection. Your home mirror is probably a much cheaper, thinner piece of glass.

Artists often use mirrors to get a new perspective of their paintings. It takes away the peripheral clutter and enables the eye to focus on the subject. Training in the gym shouldn’t be any different. Your workout is your art. You have a blank canvas to work on and produce your own work of art. Mirrors can help. Whether wanting to build muscle or lose weight, often looking in a good mirror can give you a much better idea of your progress than the weighing scales.

I’m hoping that, one day, mirrors will become so thick that it will make me look like I have a fringe. But maybe that’s an art that might be a little bit too much of a stretch.