Category Archives: family

Three Rusty Nails

I didn’t think I’d find a TV series about ‘Detectorists’ all that interesting. Billed as a comedy, I wasn’t sure where the laughs would come from watching two blokes in a field with metal detectors. But then these two blokes were Mackenzie Crook and Toby Jones. Also written and directed by Crook, the series was always going to be not just funny but poignant too. Lou and I enjoyed it very much.

Perhaps we had other motivation to watch the series. Just this summer we had bought Finlay a metal detector for his birthday. We thought it was a fun activity for us all to do together and with so much land to detect on it seemed a good idea. Although, during the height of summer, the land was so hard we could not dig it up! Now it has softened, we can begin to hunt for treasure.

Another motivation is that Lou and I miss one particular thing about the UK and that is a charity shop. They aren’t very common in Portugal. As we walked along Scarborough high street we could never resist popping into a charity shop. “Shall we see if we can find some treasure today?!” I would ask.

That treasure would be an old book that smells like, well, an old book. Or a board game that would bring back memories of family holidays. Or a lamp that would remind us of it sitting in our grandparents house in the 80’s. Or a tea set from the 50’s, 60’s and 70’s, a particular favourite of Lou’s. A couple of big boxes came over on pallets full of tea sets. They all survived the trip.

Of course, we never expected to find a book or indeed a tea set intact on our land. Maybe an old farming tool. But Finlay had grand ideas of finding a pot of gold. What we found was three rusty nails all located in different areas. The buzz of the machine detecting metal is quite exhilarating, even if it was just a rusty old nail. What have they been used for and when? I like to imagine their journey to when we found them. But for Finlay, as happy as he was to have found something, it wasn’t the pot of gold that he was hoping for. It got me thinking.

We could try to seek our treasure for the rest of our lives and keep finding little more than a few rusty nails. But what did finding those nails do for us? Well, it brought us together to work as a team. A detectorist and a digger. We all took it in turns. We were in nature. During our adventure we found wild boar footprints, beautiful butterflies and dragonflies and new wild flowers appearing. We were tired. A few hours walking and digging is great exercise. And it got the boys off of computer games. Something the modern parent often has to battle against.

Finlay didn’t find gold, but he and the rest of us found a golden opportunity with much more wealth than any coins could ever give us. It gave us a moment together to witness all of this. And if a rusty nail is all that we ever find in the soil, I know that we’ll be discovering so much more about life together whilst we do it.

Never Change, Finlay

For a few years now Lou, Finlay and I have watched Jonas lift the trophies, receive the accolades and praise of the teachers and sports coaches which has been a joy. But there has always been a sadness in my heart when I sat applauding him as he has his pictures taken with the players at Scarborough Athletic and I look at Finlay and wish ‘when can Finlay have his moment?’

Jonas received his swimming badges before Finlay, he became the school sports star, was known as the class maths whizz, had the striking curly hair that the old ladies loved to fuss over in the street. Finlay has always looked on.

Now, of course, Finlay is two and a half years younger, so Jonas would always reach certain developmental milestones ahead of Finlay. But I could see that Finlay felt overshadowed. Or maybe, it’s us as parents that have felt this on behalf of Finlay. He has always shown support towards his big brother and he has never complained.

However, Finlay became the comedian. His attempts, I believe to stand out and be seen, was to be the ‘class clown’.

And I know this because that was me as a kid and then into adulthood. Even now, I’m never too far away from telling a crap joke. At school I was always one of the first to be picked for sports teams. That was never an issue. But in class and amongst my peers, I always felt on the periphery. I wanted an identity. Being ‘sporty’ just wasn’t enough. I had all this creative energy waiting to burst out of me and as a teenager this came out by writing poetry, stand up routines and comedy sketches. I got more joy out of hearing someone laugh than scoring a winning goal.

Today Finlay received his first ever certificate of achievement at his school. We were invited to the assembly and Lou and I beamed with pride. It was awarded for always giving his 100% in his work.

I want Finlay to understand that he is his own person. He doesn’t have to follow in his brother’s footsteps of being a footballer. I’d much rather he didn’t! He doesn’t have to be good at whatever Jonas is good at. Finlay just needs to be Finlay, doing what he is doing and turning into a wonderful young boy.

Never change, Finlay, never change.

A Week Of Following Dreams

It’s 5pm. I’m gonna close the curtains now. The gloomy Scarborough sky made me do it. Ok, it’s still fairly light now that we’re in March, but I don’t fancy Joe Pesci peering in from the window while I’m home alone.

My wife would have a go at me if she knew that I had shut the curtains so early. There is, after all, another good hour of daylight to be had, but I’d rather watch The Chase without the world looking in. Or Joe Pesci.

It’s not strictly true that I’m home alone. I have my youngest with me. But having picked him up from school he went straight upstairs to put his headphones on and speak American to his mates on Fortnight. I occasionally hear occasional outbursts of “Bro! What?!” So I assume he’s ok.

My eldest boy is on a school trip this week. It’s a big deal for him as it is his first ever trip away from his family. I know that he was very nervous about it but I’m so proud of him that he decided to go. It’s all about creating experiences and memories after all.

And to complete one of the strangest weeks of my life, my wife is in Portugal this week to find us a house and open up a bank account. I remember when nipping into town on the bus with a quid to start a Barclays account was sufficient enough. In 15 years of being together it’s going to be the longest that we’ve been apart.

It is, of course, all in aid of our Portugal move and VISA application. We’re taking each step in our stride. There are many hurdles to cross yet, but we want it so much I believe in the process. We’re following our dreams and, as the saying goes, if you want your dreams to come true the first thing you must do is wake up. We’re awake.

Unless my wife has a Shirley Valentine moment, what could go wrong? What a blog post that would be! How would I begin writing about fending off villains in my home with an iron while my wife sails off with Afonso?!!

My wife doesn’t think I know how to use the washing machine. And it’s true, my wife is in charge of washing the family’s clothes. But I am the designated dish washer operator. I’m good at that. But I do know how to use the washing machine, it’s just that I have visions of shrinking our work outfits, so I tend to stay away from it! My wife also asked me if she needed to cook some meals for me and our youngest while she was away. It’s a very nice offer, but our youngest hasn’t got the most varied tastes in food. I think I can manage beans on toast or chicken dippers.

So, there we go. The curtains are closed, the Chaser has just caught the team with 31 seconds to spare and I’m just about to look on YouTube to find out which compartment the detergent goes into. As a family, when we’re all together, we usually have a good routine going on. Yes, we sometimes bicker and it all gets a bit hectic now and again. But it’s our bickering. It’s our hectic. It’s our life and we’re happy. But sacrifices have to be made when you follow your dreams. They’re not meant to be easy to catch.

So having my wife and eldest son back will be nice. In the meantime though, my youngest will keep me company and, if I’m lucky, he’ll give me one of his chicken dippers.