Shay PT

Yes, but…

I tend to leave our sitting room with the door wide open. My wife, who sits on the sofa as I dash past her for a loo trip, finds it most irritating.

My wife argues that, seeing as it is very cold and we’re trying to heat the room with expensive gas, we need to keep the doors shut to keep the heat in.

“Yes, but…” Is how I often start my comeback. “Yes, but I was in a rush.” I quickly unpause the fourth episode of Wednesday and hope that she doesn’t reply to my feeble excuse. I had time to close the door. I just forgot or couldn’t be bothered.

My kids do the same. When I ask why they aren’t dressed for school even though I told them to do it half an hour ago they reply, “Yes, but…”

“Yes, but there’s only 5 minutes left of this program.” Or, “Yes, but I can’t find my tie.”

And I’m also in an industry that makes us all say the same with equally terrible excuses.

We use work, illness, the cold, the heat, the dog chewing up our trainers. Anything we can do to excuse ourselves from not getting the workout done. Or the walk. Or the run. Or eating the nutritious option.

We will even say “Yes, but,” to ourselves in an attempt to make ourselves believe it.

Yet 9 times out of 10 these occasions can be reasoned with a little bit of planning. You see, missing one session at the gym or not completing a home workout for the past two days or choosing the cheesy chips instead of a side salad aren’t the deal breakers here. Everybody needs a rest, a bit of down time and definitely a bowl of cheesy chips now and again!

The habits we allow ourselves to form almost always start with a “Yes, but.”

We begin to push the boundaries. My kids want to fit in one more YouTube clip before they start to get dressed. Yet Mr Mellor won’t wait for them at the school gates if their clip runs over and they don’t make it to the gates on time. They have to take responsibility now before the habit takes over and they become regularly late due to poor time keeping.

I need to start closing the doors in order to keep the rooms warm. My bad habit will cost me money and I will regret it when I receive my gas bill.

“Yes, but” simply isn’t good enough. If we take time to reflect on our habits then we can plan to fix them. We can begin to accept that, whilst missing a gym visit due to snow or an illness is totally fine, allowing ourselves to go into weeks of poor decision making and bad habits with a “Yes, but” is not fine.

So if you see a bad habit trying to get in, firmly put wood in ‘tole and slam the door in its face.

Learning (The Knack)

“If you are not willing to learn, no one can help you. If you are determined to learn, no one can stop you.” Zig Ziglar.

The boy in class who chatted to friends, didn’t listen to his teacher and rarely handed in his homework somehow, once again, got 100% in his maths test.

How does he do it? I thought as another bit of my confidence and self esteem left my 14 year old self. I DID try. I enjoyed trying to learn. The problem is I found facts and figures hard to retain.

As an adult I’m fairly clued up and, although you guys reading this could pick my blogs to shreds I’m sure, I have a decent understanding of Mathematics, English, Geography, History and all of the other mandatory school subjects. I like to think that I’d get a decent cash builder and give a Chaser a run for their money too! But what might come easily to some, without seeming to put in the hard graft, I need to understand it, re-read it and try and remember it before it sinks in. There’s a knack to it. I’m still learning the knack.

One thing that I did excel in, however, later became my career. I’m good at dealing with people. Emotions, conversation, body language and the ability to read a situation is important for a Personal Trainer. Add to that my passion for sport, physical exercise and training I was made for PT. Of course, passing my Anatomy and Physiology coursework was as testing as I remember my homework at school. I had to work extra hard to remember muscle groups, facts etc to really nail my exam. I passed it, but even now I revisit this as I understand that learning doesn’t ever have a final point. It’s a journey that continues.

And because I have the knowledge with the ability to guide myself and others through the minefield of the health and fitness industry, I feel that I’m worth paying for. Sometimes, we need to invest in someone to help us achieve a goal.

I know that my new subject is one that will probably require me to pay for further education if I am to become good at it. I’m learning Portuguese.

I’ve been using a free app and it will enable me to order food at a restaurant and exchange pleasantries. This was tested last week on my visit to Portugal. But if I am to live there, work there and fully integrate myself into their country and culture, I need to be able to communicate with Portuguese people to a higher standard than a free app will let me. I am learning words, yes, but applying these words to create structured sentences with the correct syntax is vital to acquiring a new language.

Of course, the locals were forgiving when I visited. They appreciated my efforts. And it annoys me when a visitor to a foreign country makes no effort at all to say a word or two in the native tongue of the country. I at least know ‘thankyou’ in about 10 different languages because I looked it up before visiting that country. Although, again, my brain keeps getting a little confused which makes me say ‘thankyou’ in Bulgarian when I’m actually in Portugal. My defense is that they sound similar and I’m sticking to it!

The similarities to how I approach my fitness training regime and learning a new language are closer than you’d think. I need a ‘why’. Why do I train? Ok that’s easy. I want to remain as active for my kids and grandkids as possible and be independent for as long as I can in older age. And why do I want to learn Portuguese? Language was created as a survival method between different tribes and communities. I want to survive and thrive in a new country to really make the move work. It just has to be done.

Essentially, they both have to be done to survive. Also, they take roughly the same amount of time per day. About an hour of training and an hour of learning. And they both enable me to become a more rounded person.

When it comes to my ‘why’, I’ll be willing to do what it takes to stay on target with my goals. I just need to keep developing the knack.

Jonas The Boy. Jonas The Footballer

The little curly haired 5 year old started playing football for his team...

Ride The Wave

I’m already starting to see the frustration in many newcomers to the gym that I train at. Their new years resolution and ‘new year, new start’ good intentions are beginning to wobble already.

This isn’t new. Professionally I’ve witnessed this for 10 years and personally for almost 30 years. The average person who begins a fitness journey generally calls it a day before they’ve had a chance to make any serious impact on their health, fitness or aesthetics.

Why?

My theory is that restricting oneself to a set date can be dull, uninspiring and demotivating if you simply are not ‘in the mood’ at that specific time. We cannot simply switch on and become something that we have not been for the past several months or years and in many cases, forever.

I use the term ‘catching the wave’ when it comes to specific life goals, be it in the gym or in general ambitions. Timing is important.

Catching the wave is an idiom that refers to taking advantage of a moment of good fortune or an occurrence in time and creating a sustainable, practical routine that can help you achieve your goals.

Riding the crest of this wave might not last forever, but because your memories of your successes are still fresh in your mind, you will find it much easier to catch the next wave. Much like the surfer, getting back onto the surf board after falling into the sea becomes much easier with practice.

But if we ignore the signs, most commonly our bodies and our minds, then all we have is a dreaded day in which we have to do something that we don’t really want to do.

Let’s take Jeremy as an example. He promised himself that he would join a gym on the second of January. He had never joined a gym before and, apart from the occasional 5 a side football game with his friends, had never been into a fitness centre at all.

But he had started to feel sluggish and lethargic. He couldn’t run with his young children or pick them up. His diet suffered due to the difficult cycle of feeling depressed because of his health and appearance so he comforted himself with food.

His new year’s resolution was to join the gym. The problem is that not only did the wave not come, he didn’t actually know how to catch it even if it had. After a few weeks of going to the gym and slogging out a few sessions a week he felt demoralised by not seeing any changes to his health or appearance and a few niggling injuries had started to occur. Jeremy became one of the many numbers of people who join the gym in January and don’t continue to go after February.

How to fix it!

As I have stated, a new year’s resolution gives a restrictive time frame. You must start at the beginning of a new year! Yet a few new tweaks towards a healthier outlook can, and should, happen at ANY time of year.

Rather than beginning a regime of a fad diet and 5 gym sessions a week, try starting by walking more. Research a few local areas that are popular for walkers and give them a go. It doesn’t have to be a full day of rambling. Just an hour will do.

Pick out a few of your favourite fruit and veg and start adding these to your plate more. These will add numerous nutritional benefits and create satiety, which allows you to feel fuller for longer. Also, making fruit and veg smoothies can help you get your required amounts if you don’t usually eat them in a meal.

Hire a PT. The feeling is that Personal Training can be a ‘no pain, no gain’ sort of attitude full of Burpees and just about everything else that is horrible. The reality is that a good PT, as long as you tell them that you are new to exercise, will give you advice similar to my first two points. Move a little bit more and add fruit and veg to your diet. If they go straight into Burpees then sack them. Also, PT can be done online these days which is cheaper. A good PT will get to know you and develop a routine for you that you enjoy and will even know when you are on the crest of a wave or if you’re in the sea!

And finally, to really find that wave, if you feel like doing it, just do it! Start saying yes to the 5 a side games more. Go for a walk or a run. Start swimming. Or just join the gym at any time of year!

You might find that one of these activities becomes a passion and something that really motivates you. Eventually , you find yourself riding a wave. And if you ever fall off, rather than wait until a new year, you’ll know how to get back on much easier, much sooner.

I am a Personal Trainer, meditation teacher, health and fitness blogger, husband and dad.

Tomar

Seeing as our previous holiday outside of the UK was just before the 2020 lockdown hit, we decided to take a week in central Portugal with our boys this January. We weren’t disappointed.

Staying in the centre of a city can give you a good idea of a place and our apartment was above cafés on a busy street. Wherever we went, we came across lots of cafés. The vibes were positive. My morning routine soon became going to the nearest cafe with the boys and choosing a few patisseries for them to take back up to the apartment while I sat outside the cafe soaking up the atmosphere with a double espresso.

I can see the attraction of this cafe culture in places like Tomar. This is how many of the locals would start their day, congregating around a table on the pavement and having a chat. I enjoyed people watching. My eavesdropping, however, wasn’t so good in Portuguese. You get good thinking time in the few minutes that it takes to drink an espresso too. In just a week, most of my best business plans came in that moment each morning. Whatever our plans. Whatever we aspire to achieve, whatever we want to do with our lives, we need thinking time in order to do it.

And Tomar was indeed partly a business trip. But with two kids with us, everything is generally a little unconventional. We had to merge a holiday with the stuff that we went there to do. The kids loved it. In fact, they enjoyed the bits where Lou and I had appointments and had to travel.

We enjoy a holiday in the sun by the beach with a water park outside of our hotel, but they seem to also appreciate talking to people in another language, taking notice of the architecture, trying different food and finding out about the history of towns and cities that they visit. Many locals didn’t speak English and Tomar is steeped in history, so we all enjoyed learning along the way.

Of course, I had to try the different food and drinks on offer during my stay. It’s a good job it is ‘bulking season’! However, the pastal de natas that I ate each morning aren’t a great dietary need for any time of the season, they just tasted good! So did the wine!

Getting back to a steady diet and a training routine will take a few days. Whenever we have a period of time off it can have that sort of impact on our energy and motivation. I know that I’ll have a couple of ‘sluggish’ gym sessions which can deter people from carrying on. It’s easy to think that all of the hard work and good progress is lost after a period of time eating lots of food and having time away from training, but it really isn’t. The body needs down time too. And there’s no better place than in a cafe in Tomar.

Bodyweight

Queuing for the equipment, sweaty people, pushy PT’s selling their programmes on the back of a beer mat. The gym might not be your cuppa tea.

Loud music or music too low, ogling men, Insta fitters, pricey membership, too far to travel or you just can’t be bothered with going today.

Let me present to you the home workout!

Ok, first of all, let me just say that not all gyms are like the above. Most gyms that I go to these days are friendly, clean and affordable. But still, it doesn’t matter how good the gym is, sometimes you just can’t make it in.

But it doesn’t mean that you can’t train. So I’d like to suggest to you a couple of the most valuable pieces of equipment that you will need in your home to be able to get a good workout in without being in a gym (and it doesn’t cost a lot or take up too much room).

1. A selection of dumbbells. If you find a weight range that covers light dumbbells that you can rep for 15 plus and heavier dumbbells that you can rep for 6 then you will have a whole range of exercises that you can do. But the best bit of kit…..?

2. You. Just you. And I don’t mean you have to ‘turn up to get results blah blah.’ Of course you need to get it done. But your bodyweight is by far the most underrated piece of equipment that is available to you. A good bodyweight workout programme would prove this.

If you weigh 70k then you carry this weight when you walk, squat, lunge, press, jump and run. It is why larger people either carrying excess fat or muscle are able to lose weight faster. The more you weigh, the more energy it takes for your body to move, function and exercise.

Sure, long distance trainers and strength competitors need a whole host of equipment and venues for what they need to achieve, but if you are looking to feel a bit fitter and start the new year with a healthy outlook, you already own your best piece of kit.

Be Kind

As I ran home crying from the group of kids because of name calling, I remember my mum telling me to ignore them. ‘Kids can be cruel’, she said.

It seems to be a given that, at some stage in their young lives, kids will be teased about their appearance or their character.

I had big front teeth, didn’t always wear the newest, trendiest trainers and I didn’t ‘join in’ with the other kids games. Games such as throwing stones at passers by or tormenting the old man who was thought of as the local ‘wierdo’. I didn’t smoke or drink to look tough in front of my mates and I didn’t like to swear. I was an easy target for 12 year olds to pick on in an estate where you had to look after yourself to survive it.

However, I was very good at football. This, between young peers, can be a golden ticket that saves you from years of bullying. Despite my lack of ‘coolness’ in my appearance or my actions, I’d be one of the first to be picked on their team when it was time to play footy.

‘We want Ducky!’ they would shout as the team captains picked their teams. Ducky was my nickname because of my last name, Duckworth. And even if I went back to the estate today in Leeds 9, I would get a call from across the road by a bloke in his 40’s shouting ‘Ducky! Alright mate!’

I was, despite a few incidents of name calling, a child who escaped awful bullying. Football and a cool nickname saved me. And into my teen years, after a series of playground fights with other kids, I was never bullied or even heard a hint of name-calling. Seemingly, my ability to have a scrap in the playground was pretty useful too. Kids rarely picked on a kid who could fight back. But these days I worry about the kids.

Kids might have received a bloody nose and a ripped shirt that they’d have to explain to their mum after a scrap in the playground. But these days I worry about weapons being carried. That never entered my head as a kid as I readied myself against the school bully. Today it would.

But anyway, as my mum said, kids can be cruel. So where do they get it from?

My concern is that if we as adults normalize bullying then our children will see this as perfectly normal behaviour too. I made a decision this week to take myself off of Facebook. I share pictures of family life and work life on Instagram which is fine for what I want to use it for, but I found that Facebook was getting out of hand. I’ll tell you why.

Last week a well known UK television presenter wrote an article in one of the biggest selling newspapers about Meghan Markle. What he said, in my opinion, should never have been published. It incited violence and gave his readers a reason to ‘hate’ a woman who was already vilified by the UK press. This was adding fuel to an already very raging fire.

On Facebook I read so many comments that were congratulating the article. The words which they used to attack Megan Markle were disgraceful. Any attempts to call out the bullies were met with comments about being ‘woke’ or a ‘snowflake’.

Is that where we are at now as a society?

A couple of years ago a young woman took her own life because of the negative publicity she was receiving about her personal life. Caroline Flack was a TV presenter who, on screen, was confident and bubbly. But the UK press hounded her about her off screen troubles. A ‘Be kind’ hashtag became popular and it seemed that, maybe, the press knew it had gone too far in its reporting of Flack. But unfortunately, if the latest media target has anything to go by, it is back bigger and uglier than ever.

Name-calling, trolling and hate speech has been normalized.

Last year I helped an elderly man with a few techniques in the gym so that he could walk easier. He loved to go for walks with his wife but was struggling. Each time he saw me in the gym he would say ‘Shay! Because of what you have shown me, I am getting stronger on my feet again!’ His confidence in the gym had grown and he seemed to have a spring in his step again.

But just last week, I asked him how his exercise routine was going and he said that he had stopped doing it. Two men had started to comment and laugh at him every time he started his exercises. What they thought was ‘banter’, was having a serious impact on the older man’s experience in the gym and therefore his health. He will only use the treadmill now which is in a different section of the gym to where the two men train.

Our words and our actions can impact other people’s lives. We have a choice of whether we want to use our words and actions for good or for bad. We don’t always realise how profound our words and actions can be.

But if you are ever unsure, as a general rule of thumb, just be kind.

Snow

‘Oh shit.’ I muttered as a van slowly slid down the hill towards my car with me and the boys inside.

I would usually wince at my curses if I were in the vicinity of the kids and tell myself off for using such language. Tonight, however, it’s a wonder it wasn’t something stronger.

Within a split second, which seemed to happen in slow motion, the van uncontrollably came closer to the car. It would do a considerable amount of damage to the car if it hit it, but I was confident that me and the boys would be safe. My wife, though, was the one pushing our car up the hill! Any sort of collision, considering the cars revving hard up the hill and the sliding cars coming down it, could have been very serious to anybody on foot.

Luckily, and what seemed to be just a couple of inches away, the van managed to stop as I continued to rev my car up the hill as my wife, now with a couple of helpers, got my car onto a flatter surface.

The journey back from taking our boys for their swimming lessons had turned into quite an adventure. A journey that should take 10 minutes took an hour and a half.

That evening, along with my long list of Google questions such as ‘Schools in Santarem’ and ‘Houses for sale in Santarem’, ‘Does it snow in Santarem?’ entered the search history.

Next year will be the year that I move with my family to Portugal. The weather isn’t the biggest motivation, but last night it did nudge up a few places on the priority list.

I used to like it when it snowed. I have lovely memories of snowball fights and building snowmen as a kid. But as a grown up, I only like it on a greetings card. Snow means a loss of earnings and near misses with vans.

It also means I don’t get to the gym to train myself as much. Of course, the snow doesn’t play a huge part in this. It might cause a day or two of disruption but I have a long list of work and house chores that need doing and, generally, the lead up to the Christmas week represents a rest period to my regular training schedule. And although January would usually be the green light to get stuck into my schedule again, a week away in Portugal in the first week of the new year will give me extra time to enjoy my ‘bulking’ period.

After all, who can go to Portugal and not try a pastel de nata or two?

Avoiding Exercise

Ah social media. As much as I love it, I hate it too. For all the good advice that we can find out there, there’s the bloody awful stuff that can be misleading and potentially dangerous.

Let’s take the latest weight loss pill that entered my feed recently. Take one a day and watch the fat roll off, apparently. Oh, and you don’t need to exercise. The ads have always got before and after pics as evidence of course.

The problem with before and after pics on advertisements are…

A. Did this person genuinely lose weight through taking this pill or were they actually just on a calorie deficit?

B. How long did this transformation take? Because I’ve seen timelines that are either impossible or would need a dangerously low calorie deficit to get there.

C. Anybody can get a generic before and after pic from the internet. Does this person even know that they’re being used in this ad?!

As far as a magic pill goes, the ingredients are probably harmless. It might be mostly caffeine and therefore make you feel like you’ve had a shot of espresso. But the real dangers are the idea that you don’t need to exercise if you are taking them.

Pills, drinks, vibrating attachments to bellies and bums and fad diets are all contributing to the ever increasing obesity levels in the western world. The reason for this is the idea that’s given that it is some sort of short cut. A fast track trick for a firmer tummy.

I’ve been in the industry for too long to know that none of the above work. And whatever you choose to put into your body or attach to your wobbly bits it isn’t going to work unless you move more.

Moving. That is exercise. Staying active and eating a balanced diet works. That is the key.

And if you have been given the advice from a PT that you need to run marathons, pump iron everyday or sign up for the next Tough Mudder, that’s bull too. You just need to walk or run a bit more, join a few fun fitness classes with friends, lift a few weights and keep moving.

Although weight loss, fitness and muscle hypertrophy can be a science, the basic principle is simple…

Don’t avoid exercise!

A Five Year Plan

As a senior in my previous career I had to interview people for new job roles. It was an uncomfortable role. I knew what it was like to sit down in an interview room with three strangers judging the way I dressed, introduced myself and answered their questions.

On one occasion a guy walked in for his interview. Quite a confident chap, or so he portrayed, and a little different from the other interviewees. One of my questions was…

“Where do you see yourself in five years time?”

With hardly any hesitation, he looked straight at me and said…

“Where you’re sitting.”

I tried to keep my poker face, interviewer style persona about me but I just loved his answer. I grabbed my pen and put a big 10/10 on my question sheet.

I left the company a couple of years later and, in keeping in touch with old friends at the workplace, found that he had indeed started to sit in my chair doing my old job.

I used to hate that question. It isn’t down to a lack of ambition, but I couldn’t honestly tell any prospective employer that I would not only be still at the company in five years time but I’d be a senior within it.

And yet I understand entirely the need for planning. I plan fitness plans 2 or 3 years ahead in some cases. Olympians need to plan four years in advance to achieve a weight target, a strength goal and an incredible amount of ability in their field for them to compete. My own fitness plan is an annual plan.

And although life throws hurdles that I need to jump, my fitness plan stays on track. But I’m qualified to deal with that. I’m experienced in knowing where the pit falls will be and how to overcome it. As a Personal Trainer, it is simply a part of my job. I see the pit falls before my clients do. That’s how I can prepare them for their fitness goals.

However, there’s no text book or a University of Parenting. There isn’t a rule in how to be self employed during and after Covid lockdowns or a cost of living crisis and there’s no secret formula to a happy marriage. We have to, somehow, stumble through life doing the best we can. Often, we have to wing it.

My wife and I had a five year plan of moving to France. This was about 6 years ago. This was being planned quite well until March 2020 when the UK went into lockdown. As two self employed workers who were not classed as ‘key workers’ we had to stay indoors with our two boys. Slowly, our France fund and all of our savings disappeared.

My time structuring hypertrophy programmes, weight loss plans and sport specific macrocycles counted for nothing when we were faced with a life changing event that could not be stopped. This sort of event was not planned.

And so here we are coming to the end of 2022. We have dusted ourselves off and began to think about our future again. But a five year plan? Oh no. Not this time. This time, we’re looking to see what we can achieve next year. We can’t wait for another financial crash, a pandemic or another dodgy mini budget from a chancellor. We need to act quickly.

Our plan has become so pragmatic that it is something that is unknown to my wife and I. We have moved around the North of England quite a bit in our 15 years together so a house move doesn’t bother us. But this time we leave the country. In 2023, we move to Portugal.

The kids are pretty cool with the idea. I’m sure they’re a little miffed that they’ve just learnt the basics in French and now I’m trying to speak Portuguese to them. I’m doing quite well on Duolingo. I can now say “The armadillo reads the newspaper” in fluent Portuguese.

Our skills can be transferred and our immediate plan is to create wellness vacations for tourists and spa days for visitors and locals alike. If nothing else, it will be a challenge that we haven’t yet done. It’ll be an adventure. Only time will tell on the level of success we have.

Do you ever get the feeling that you keep promising yourself something and it never happens? Our five year plan could have easily turned into another five year plan, and another, and another. But I don’t want to grow old with a bunch of “What ifs”.

Sure, life can upset the norm sometimes but if things go wrong I want it to be on my terms. I want to own my mistakes if, indeed, there are any. And whether I do this in parenting, my health and fitness, our marriage, our business ventures and where we live then I want it to be my journey. One that I take charge of with my family.

And if I wait another five years I am giving the Universe a chance to throw me another curve ball or I might even Invent a problem myself that isn’t actually there!

So now is the time. Not five years. Now.