Shay PT

Children And Food

My two boys love going to their grandparents for an overnight stay. Their granddad, a professional refurbisher of bar billiards tables, often has a finished table in his garage so the boys can take their pool cues that they got for Christmas.

They also get to stay up later on an evening than they would do if they were at home. Staying up later is always a treat! But the biggest treat of all for my 6 and 9 year olds are the meal times at Granny and Granddad’s.

An overnight stay will usually consist of a takeaway or a meal out for burgers or pizzas and a dessert afterwards with a fizzy drink to wash it down with. Basically, lots of foods with very little nutrition.

But I can’t pin this all on their Grandparents, absolutely not! The boys also have occasional takeaway meals or frozen pizzas and chips at home too. The boys have been invited to friends houses for tea, they’ve gone to Macdonald’s for birthday parties, they receive toys for buying ‘Happy Meals,’ supermarket meal deals involve crisps and chocolate, going to the movies encourage us to eat buckets of popcorn lager than my youngest child and reformed chicken comes in the shape of dinosaurs. All of these things appeal to adults too, so we cannot ignore the fact that children will be drawn to such inviting foods.

As parents and grandparents we can’t avoid it, but that doesn’t get us adults off the hook.

I have previously written an article about children being ‘The Great Imitators’. As much as parents believe that their children often do the exact opposite as of what is asked of them, their brains are gathering all of this information that they see and hear and then used as a survival mechanism for when they need it.

How we interact with our partners and colleagues, what we watch on TV, our language, the way we dress and what we eat are all closely observed by the young mind.

As my role as a coach for children during half term, I’m fully aware of how I talk to my fellow coaches. Children listen. Children copy. I’m also very careful about what I eat at lunchtimes with the children. I wouldn’t eat a Greggs steak bake in front of them after having a talk to them about healthy eating. There’s a time and a place. Even for a Greggs steak bake.

So how do we get our children to be more mindful about what they eat? Firstly, it is important to not criticize or ridicule any meal choices that they make. Food should never make anyone feel anxious or ‘bad’. Food should be enjoyed, yes, all food. If a child enjoys chicken dippers then ask them what they enjoy about them. How does it feel and taste to them? Talk to them about what you can add to the plate alongside their dippers.

At home, the boys know that if they ask for fish fingers or chicken dippers it will come with wholemeal wraps, mayo, ketchup and a good sized portion of vegetables. It’s a compromise. For about two years and especially for our youngest who looks like a celebrity doing a bushtucker trial when he’s eating broccoli, the veg wouldn’t be touched without having tears. Now, because we continued putting the vegetables on his plate consistently and he sees his older brother and his parents eat the veg on their plates, he eats his veg without any prompts. He watched and he copied.

We can’t expect our children to choose better options with anything in life unless they see the grown ups doing it too! Sure, their teenage brain along with other teenage peers and influences will challenge their decision making. It is one of the most feared periods for a parent and one I’m yet to experience, but if we can promote the right messages into their young brains now then at least we are giving them a fighting chance as young adults.

My message is clear to the adults that I train and the children that I coach, you can still enjoy all food types and be mindful about what we need to enable our bodies to grow strong, to be healthy and happy, to excel in what they enjoy and to survive. The balance is something that is important to find and it is my job as a parent and coach to help people do that, whether for adults or children. After all, what age group doesn’t like to find the letters of their name with a plate of Alphabites?

10,000 Steps

I don’t have a device that tells me how many steps I do each day, but if I did, this past week would’ve been off the scale.

During the half term holidays I have been helping out at a sports club for children aged from 5 to 10. The idea is to get the kids as active as possible and to encourage teamwork, movement and healthier eating. And of course if the kids are moving, the coaches are too! One of the coaches did wear a gadget to track his steps and they were over 20,000 by the time the kids had gone home for the day.

During half terms my usual training routine of gym work gets out to one side. This is fine as I schedule these events into my annual training plan. In effect, I know that I don’t need to use the treadmills in the gym for my cardio if I have a productive NEAT (Non Exercise Activity Thermogenesis) regime. And whether it be staying active with my own children or being active with 50 other children, I am comfortable with my activity levels. So I don’t particularly need a device to tell me that.

However, just like tracking my calorie intake, it’s good to check in from time to time and keep myself on my toes! So using such a device is always a credible way of keeping on top of things.

So if we take a look at what 10,000 steps a day can do for your body, hopefully we can all achieve a healthy and balanced lifestyle without slogging it in the gym every day or feeling depressed because we haven’t managed to get to a fitness class this week.

According to research, 10,000 steps a day can strengthen your heart and keep blood pressure under control. It can reduce body fat and maintain a healthy weight (with a sensible eating plan). It can improve stability, muscle tone and strengthen the core. Getting your steps in each day can also improve brain function and help with lowering anxiety and depression.

And we don’t have to panic if we only manage 5,000 steps on some days. We all need to sit and binge watch the new series of You, right?! But it just means that we average out our steps throughout the week. Some days you’ll probably hit the 20,000 mark if you are generally active.

So have a think about how you can achieve more steps into your week. Also, check out a device that will count your steps. It doesn’t have to be expensive, a free app can give you an idea of your activity levels.

And once you find the activities that you enjoy, you’ll find that you don’t even need to be running with 50 kids every day to achieve your steps!

Komorebi

The next time you get a moment (and you should make sure that you do) just close your eyes and visualise yourself in an environment that you consider the most calming, tranquil place in the universe.

It could be standing by the sea or on a mountain top. You could imagine yourself sitting on a cloud or even a star. You could be in a safe place with a loved one. Anywhere at all.

And then breathe these images from your mind deeply into your lungs. Let them fill your body right down to your toes.

This is a form of meditation. So many people tell me that they can’t meditate or don’t know how to. Perhaps for some they might feel a bit silly. They think of sitting cross legged, humming, chanting and emptying your mind or turning off your senses. And yet it doesn’t have to be that at all. It’s just about taking a moment.

My favourite images when I close my eyes are of the sun’s rays shining through the branches of a tree. The rays gently dance around as the dappled light warms my thoughts.

The scientific term for this light is called Crepuscular rays and the Japanese call it Komorebi, which is made up of the Kanji characters for tree, shine through and sun.

I like the Japanese description, but many great poets have attempted to describe this beautiful pure and spontaneous natural pleasure. Gerard Manley Hopkins called it Shivelight and wrote about…”the lances of sunlight that pierce the canopy of a wood.”

CS Lewis wrote…”Any patch of sunlight in a wood will show you something about the sun which you could never get from reading books on astronomy.”

I agree.

And as wonderful as it is to see this in real life, it also exists in my head. Just by closing my eyes and taking a step back from the 100 miles an hour daily life, I can be anywhere and see anything that I like.

Now take a moment. Close your eyes. Breath. And discover what you can find.

The Bench Press Back Arch

Go into any gym or click onto any fitness/training page and there will be a debate that has been around since the first person laid on their back and pushed something heavy above their head.

I’m now picturing Fred Flintstone pressing a rock, but that’s silly.

The debate is whether or not we should arch the back during the bench press. And I mention this now because it has once again been brought up in conversation at my gym today. After somebody saw me arch my back during a bench press, they asked,”Are you supposed to arch your back?”

Knowing that the questioner was a football fan I came back with a football analogy. I replied,”If you are taking a corner kick should you knock it into the box or go short?”

The answer, of course, is that it depends on the circumstances. It depends on the stage of the game and the tactics that you or your coach wish to deploy. There’s no right or wrong, but the timing can be right or wrong. I’ll explain…

Arching the back is great for lifting heavier weights. It provides a more compound movement which recruits different muscle groups and helps create more power. And this is my reason for arching my back. In fact, I always bench press with my back arched because I don’t find it the best hypertrophy exercise, despite it’s many other qualities.

So, a chest press in order to promote pectoral hypertrophy would be to use a set of dumbbells at around 70% of your 1 rep max for 10-12 reps. Dumbbells allow a longer range of motion which can result in more muscle activation. The bar just can’t give you that sort of range, so a bench press with a bar without an arch, in my opinion, just gives you a ‘pump’. A few pics in the changing rooms for your Instagram look great but by tomorrow there will be nothing to show for it in real life.

I always use compound movements as my primary exercise and I often start with the bench press. Now in my 40’s, I have to look at ways of increasing my testosterone and compounds have the greatest success at doing this. I don’t bench press to ‘grow muscle’, just testosterone levels. However, once I pick up the dumbbells it’s all about weight management and hypertrophy.

Let the debate continue!

The First Law Of Thermodynamics

I didn’t expect to be talking to my 9 year old son about the first law of thermodynamics on a Friday night as I was driving him home from his football practice. My prior thoughts were to get him into his pajamas, tuck him into bed and pour myself a beer while I binge watch Search Party. But he asked about dying, so…

Apparently, he has been struggling to get to sleep over the past few nights worrying about dying. Him dying, his brother dying, me and his mum dying. He was asking about the people in his life who have died. The car fell silent for a moment as I gathered my thoughts for some sort of an answer. An explanation about what he should know and how it could ease his worried little head.

‘The first law of thermodynamics!’ I blurted out as I drove through the dark Scarborough streets.

I went in to explain that, although I don’t believe in an afterlife or a heaven as such, I do believe that our energy continues after we die. I quoted the physicist Aaron Freeman to my son, who stated…

“You want a physicist to speak at your funeral. They can explain to your family that no energy is created and none is destroyed. They can tell your mother that all your energy, every vibration, every Btu of heat, every wave of every particle that was her beloved child remains with her in this world. The energy that flows through our bodies does not disappear, but is simply rearranged.”

Ok, I can’t tell my son that loved ones who die become the little bird that sits on our garden fence each morning, but I can tell him that their energy is as strong as when they was alive. In the first law of thermodynamics, energy does not go anywhere, even if a physical form does.

And this is why our energy is so powerful, right? I mean, the energy, the vibes that we put out into the universe, whether positive or negative, will remain long after our physical self is gone. That’s why a smile, a good deed, a positive affirmation or an act of kindness to yourself or others works so powerfully. This energy can change lives, even when our physical form is not around.

‘We only live once’ is a saying that we’ve all heard a million times before. Well, the body that you are in will only live once and it is important to treat that body with the love and respect that it deserves. I make many decisions based on this. I want to take my physical self to new experiences and push it to new levels whether in the gym or in learning new things. The body and the mind need to be exposed to exciting new challenges.

My energy won’t grow or multiply by achieving different things in this physical form. The first law of thermodynamics tells me that. But I might just be able to leave behind some positive energy. Forever.

Winning?

“I like to think that money wouldn’t change me, but when I’m winning at Monopoly I’m a terrible person.” Anon.

So tonight I beat the family at Monopoly. It’s my second win in a row actually. Last week was the Scarborough edition and tonight was the Yorkshire edition. They stood no chance once I built my hotels around Castle Howard.

I find the game a good learning experience for the kids. They follow rules, take turns, count and subtract, have fun as a family without technology. Hmm. They won too. They just don’t know it yet.

Of course they want to be the one who is the richest by the end of the game. According to the rules that’s how you win, right? But they took part. Isn’t that what counts?

Ok. I’m not comfortable with the ‘It’s the taking part that counts’ angle in this article. You would call bullshit on it and rightly so. We all want to feel that winning feeling sometimes. So I won’t patronise anybody. But I do have another angle and it is from my experiences of coaching adults, and more recently children, in what is actually important when it comes to winning and losing.

Each day I work with children who have one hour in their school time to play in the playground. That is my hour to give them all an opportunity of winning. And I’m not just talking about the one kid who can bat the ball for home runs on each turn.

In a world where some voices are heard more than others, for some of us, just getting a turn is a small victory. It’s a sign that they’ve been heard and seen and where they’ll be given a chance just as much as the kid who stands in front of me, arm aloft, shouting for their turn.

The small wins make big prizes. Just making contact with the ball is a big achievement to some kids. It’s not just the home runs that should make them feel proud of themselves. And so reminding somebody that they have accomplished something that they didn’t manage to do yesterday is a win. Just like making contact with the ball.

And a coach’s attitude can be infectious. Over a period of time, I’ve noticed that the older children or the more gregarious of the group have started to bowl the ball at a slower pace for the batters who are less confident. Now, they are encouraging each other much more. Now, there is a feeling that we are ALL winning at something during the one hour sports session.

And it is no different for adults. We don’t walk into a gym for the first time and leave after an hour looking like Dwayne Johnson or Beth Mead. But with the right sort of encouragement from coaches and other gym members then we can all recognize the small victories. The win is about trying to achieve a little bit more each time you go.

A win can be passing Go or receiving a get out of jail free card. A win can be going without cheese for the day (my personal goal) or completing 50 squats while the kettle boils. A win can be contacting the PT and putting an exercise schedule in place or a win can just be managing to sit on the toilet for 10 minutes without your kids barging in complaining that their brother has kicked them (another goal of mine!)

Winning is easy. Recognizing when it happens can be a bit tougher. But reflecting on your day and looking at the small victories is a good way to start, even if you’ve had to pay out 200 monopoly notes on a stay in Headingley.

Screen Time

Not for the first time my wife and I had to tell our boys to put down their screens and get dressed for school. It starts with a gentle reminder that they need to get ready or else we’ll be late, but it often ends with one of us putting on our annoyed voice and demanding that they do as we ask immediately.

The screens are hypnotic to them. And yet when I check to see what it is they’re doing on their phone, iPad or chrome book it is usually school work related. This becomes a dilemma for the parent who would like their child to have less screen time. It seems that kids are given their own log in details at school so that they can access story books and maths games online. I used to get a printed worksheet and a homework book from my teacher. We were allowed to put our own covering over our books. I went for an embossed floral design that was leftover from my parents sitting room. Cutting edge at the time. Times have changed.

But it is difficult to demand something from your child when they see adults doing the same. How can I tell them to come off of their devices when they see me tapping away at my phone. Ok, it is 90% productive tapping either designing a workout schedule for a client, booking somebody in for a session or, in my free time, learning a language. But they would argue that their time on the screen is equally important if a certain amount of maths puzzles need to be completed by a deadline date.

Had that maths puzzle been done using pen and paper, would I be more lenient on them finishing the job before getting dressed for school? Sure, they needed to get ready or they would be late, but would I have sat with Jonas to try and work out the answers together had I been looking at it on a piece of A4 hoping to move the process along?

Yet I know that not every moment of their screen time is doing school work. Far from it. Add in YouTube and football games and it becomes a full time job. So much so that doing things like getting dressed has to wait! And I do understand.

Despite my current 90% of my own screen time being work related, it hasn’t always been like that. Just a few months ago I would be debating Darwin Nunez’s success rate for Liverpool FC or asking why Ariel’s skin colour in the new Little Mermaid movie was a problem to a total stranger on Facebook. I would spend time winding myself up engaging in discussions with people I probably wouldn’t really want to know in real life. The productivity on my screen suffered, my time suffered and probably my mental health suffered too. Releasing myself away from trolls was a positive move.

But I fear that my kids have got it all to come. There are enough negative people in the real world without entertaining bullies online.

I had to make a change. And although I acknowledge that screens are a part of our everyday life now, and perhaps a little resigned to the fact, it can actually be used for good. I try to contribute positively to people’s lives through online PT. I put more effort into learning a new language and, of course, I write this to you today from my phone. This little gadget can be useful.

But no matter what we can gain from looking at our screens, we still have to do the fundamentals correctly. We still need to take care of ourselves, eat properly and, yes, even get dressed for school.

If we don’t, Mrs Barber won’t be very pleased (and that’s what I’ll keep telling my boys).

The Great Imitators

I’ve heard it said a thousand times. I’ve probably said it myself. To emphasise the words to the listeners, we point, seethe and widely open our eyes with a rage that boils inside of us.

“I would die for my kids.”

What passion and dedication. And yet I have never heard the alternative to this being said with such dedication before.

Imagine if we were to say,”I will live for my kids,” with the same rush of blood that sparks the same passion as to die for your kids.

I believe anyone who tells me that they would die for their child, but would they LIVE for their child? Would they change attitudes and teach their children about love and respect? Would they choose healthier foods to feed themselves and their children? Would they become more active so they remain strong and healthy? Would they change their lifestyle so that their children can imitate a well rounded person?

Children are great imitators, so give them something great to imitate.

Dying is easy. You only have to do that once. You have to live every day. Do it with the same passion and commitment that you would if you had to die for your child.

Show your child what living is all about.

Advice From The Mole

It seems that it doesn’t really matter who you are, you will, at some stage in your life, compare yourself and your abilities to someone else. This leads to us wanting what somebody else has.

It is totally natural and since our primate and then homo sapien descendants demonstrated, this need can evolve into producing more, working harder, becoming more creative and developing speech and the world around them.

So here we are.

This need, it could be argued, also leads to greed, destruction, war and division.

And as society needs to deal with this obsessive nature of ‘keeping up with the Joneses’ we as individuals need to take a long hard look at how we deal with this process.

Even now, I will walk into the gym and want to run as far as her. I want his hair style. I want the six pack and the teeth and shoulders and their ability to tell a joke and make people laugh. I want the tattooed sleeve.

I will watch in admiration as they push a 150k bar, but I might end my thought with ‘I wish I could lift that much weight’. I truly admire other people’s abilities and, as part of my job as a PT, I help in people reaching such great abilities. But as human nature as it, sometimes I want it too.

But whilst the evolution from primate to homo took billions of years, we want it now, today.

A book that was brought to my attention recently called The Boy, The Mole, The Fox And The Horse said,’What do you think is the biggest waste of time’, asked the boy. ‘Comparing yourself to others.’ Replied the mole.

Patiently watching and learning from others can be a wonderful attribute to have. But comparing yourself to others can be damaging and, as the mole quite rightly puts it… it’s a waste of time.

The difference between learning and comparing is massive. It’s the difference between peace and war. For you personally, it’s the difference between self love and self loathing.

So take a look in the mirror at yourself. The beautiful, intelligent you. And keep being you. Nobody else.

Fatherhood, Portugal And The Comfort Zone.

I’ve changed a lot since becoming a father. Unrecognisable really. The younger, childless me was pretty care free. Sure, I had moments of angst and bouts of depression, but this was usually countered by alcohol or other recreational medication. Of course, this made things worse. Still, I held down a good job and had a couple of ‘serious’ relationships. My parents were, to the best of my knowledge , happy. I had friends. I had money, albeit spending it on the wrong things. Nothing too spectacular to see here.

I would describe myself as a pretty average 20 something living in Leeds (or at least, those that I knew!). I wasn’t a bad person. Think Joey or Chandler from Friends. I worked and had adult responsibilities, but I also liked to goof around playing Foosball (pool) with my mates rather than entering real life situations.

Meeting my future wife was a turning point, but, even then, I was crap with responsibility and being an adult.

And then I became a father. The ton of bricks hit me immediately. I took control. I knew that I couldn’t simply click my fingers and be the world’s best dad. I had to work on myself. The sign would say “Work In Progress”. It still does.

I now prepare for a future away from the next visit to the pool hall and a pint of Stella. I put commitments and plans in place way beyond what I do on a weekend as I used to navigate my time around the next Liverpool match or box set. My vision has become based upon my kids secondary school, their teenage years, further education, lifestyle, their careers and their opportunities and lives when I’m no longer around. Everything I do now is for them. Every gym visit, every job I undertake and every move in this game of chess called life is about what will benefit my children.

Seven years ago, with a baby just a few months old, my wife and I made a decision. The day after the UK had decided to leave the EU, we decided to leave the UK. I understand now, however difficult to get my head around it, that the majority of voters wanted Brexit. But we didn’t. I could see no solid evidence of happy endings from a country trying to recover from a recession leaving one of the largest economies in the world. And with the political landscape across the globe in such a panic in regards to war, terrorism and (later) pandemics, I felt that we needed to build friendships, allies and be united against those trying to harm our way of life. Now was not the time to create division.

Our decision to leave the UK wouldn’t have been so concrete if it hadn’t been for our children. We believe that our children will have better opportunities with the options to study, live and work with the freedom to move into 28 other countries. Once we make the move to Portugal (Visa pending now of course) our children will be EU citizens again and will be able to give them what we in the UK once had.

I sometimes wish that I had travelled and worked in different countries when I was younger. Learning new languages and meeting different people and cultures is a great way to discover the world we live in.

I want my kids to take away the blinkers and discover their world for themselves. To see and experience new things. I guess this is why we moved to Scarborough on the east coast of England before really putting our European plan into action. I loved Scarborough growing up as a kid. My kids love Scarborough now. We all do. But we also know that there are more adventures to be had elsewhere.

The more experiences that we can provide for our children, the easier their transition into adulthood can be. Soon, they’ll be sitting in a classroom having to understand Portuguese. That will be daunting for them, I know. But if they can overcome that, then not only will they acquire very good skills in the Portuguese language, but they will have less fear when it comes to their first day at Uni or traveling to a different country for a job opportunity. It will take them out of their comfort zone and into a world of opportunities.

Yes, I’ve changed a lot since becoming a father. I realized that I had to leave MY comfort zone. I had to start making decisions that were right for this tiny human being I held in my hands. And wherever it takes us, it is done with their wellbeing in mind.