A Message To My 18 Year Old Self

Hey Shay. It’s you. Just a little bit older and wiser. Oh, and balder. Yeah dude, sorry. You’re going bald even now so the sooner you own that look the better. Luckily The Mitchell brothers from Eastenders are making baldness a bit cooler, so just get it shaved now and stop trying to perfect the comb over.

Let me just go through all the stuff that you’ve already experienced and then I can try to explain the sort of stuff that you will live through. I’m not here to change your past or your future. I’m just giving you a heads up.

By now you will have done pretty poorly at your GCSE’s, which was obvious seeing as you didn’t really put in the effort. But you know that you’re a bright lad, just not at Shakespeare or algebra. And right now you’re wondering what your future holds.

Let me reassure you that you’re about to meet your calling. You’re a kind and thoughtful person. No exams will determine your life or career. Instead, it is your character that will enable you to work with and support other people within the social care sector. You’ll learn a lot in your time doing this job. And the biggest education of all will be about how everyone you meet will be unique. Everyone is equal and has so much to offer and you can make a difference in enabling those who you work with to show it.

Technology will change. Wow! Have you got your Nokia brick yet?! Well, when you do and you’re amazed at how you can send instant texts to people then brace yourself for what’s about to happen. In the new millennium that brick will turn into a little computer with the whole world inside of it. And then you’ll have to deal with social media. Most people seem to like it but I just end up debating about politics with a stranger. A bit like you do now but not face to face. It’s all done on your phone.

I know that, by now, you’ve dabbled with a spliff and done silly stuff like what other teenagers do. Arguing with mum and dad is upsetting right? But they love you and when you become a parent you’ll see how tough being a parent is.

Oh! Yes you will become a parent! I know you’ve always said that you don’t want kids but when you find that person who you want to spend the rest of your life with and makes you very happy, then you’ll change your mind. And your kids are two healthy boys who love you more than anything in the entire world. And even as I write it, I beam with pride. So you have that to look forward to. But just remember, we gave our mum and dad grief sometimes so we’ll have to be prepared for our kids being terrors on occasions too.

Now at 18 some very difficult news is about to enter your life. I’m sorry, bud, but your dad will knock on your door and tell you that your mum has cancer. Hey, before you get too upset right now, let me tell you that this news shapes your character. You will deal with it personally and as a family. You will still create memories. But it will hit you hard. As a young man trying to make his mark in life, you will make mistakes and emotion will get in the way of good decision making. But you will also grow stronger from your challenges that are to come. And I won’t sugar coat it, as much as you will enjoy your life, there are some seriously tough times too.

Our two boys will still be very young when our mum dies. But she got to see them and they still talk about her now. So she’ll never be forgotten. And our dad has had to create a new life. He became our hero when he looked after our mum. But he had to move forward, which he is doing.

I like how you put your mortality into perspective, even now as an 18 year old. We have always wanted to live for the moment and get out of life what we can. And you don’t change. At 44, you’ll be planning a new life in Portugal with your family. You don’t do ‘what if’ at 18 and you won’t at 44.

You will live through world events such as war, an actual pandemic, the UK leaving the EU and in a few years time what is known as 9/11. None of these will directly hurt us or our loved ones but it will have a profound effect on us. Lots of decisions you make will be because of these things. We said that we didn’t want kids because of stuff like these events, but we did have kids so you’ll get to my age forever wondering how to protect them.

I know that you are currently looking at ways in which you can change the world. But you will come to realise that as long as you can enrich the lives of others close to you then you are doing your best. Remember the moments where you support someone going to their new job or to the swimming baths. Treasure those moments where you help them cook a meal in their own home and realise how important you are to the elderly man who wants to tell you about his childhood every time he sees you. That’s making a real difference.

You will become (and still are) a personal trainer. This all came about because of the hours each day that you spend in the gym. You might as well become a PT! But you’ll be older and wiser when you do. Right now, a workout is pumping up those nightclub muscles so that you can look good in a T. But when you’re closing in on 40 you begin to understand that training is about being able to put your own socks on in the morning and having the energy to run in the park with your kids. This knowledge is useful to you in your career as a PT.

Depression never goes away. I am sorry that you experienced dark thoughts as a teenager. But you will deal with each day as it comes, trying to overcome it in your 20’s. Eventually you just live with it and keep it in its place. The gym will help you, but the big turning point for you will be when you meet your future wife. You’ve got 10 years to go yet. Together you begin to start seeing life differently. You start to live life rather than endure it.

However, you will meet some amazing and influential people along the way but it’s only on reflection will you be able to appreciate it. Everything you and those around you do shape you and your environment. It moulds you. So you’ll soon realise who the people are that you need to hang around with and who to stay clear of.

I need to go now. I need to allow you to continue your journey that leads you to writing this message.

But just one last thing! Don’t turn off the 2005 Champions League final! I won’t tell you what happens but just keep watching it until the match finishes.

Keep smiling Shay. It’ll all turn out ok in the end.