Be Kind

As I ran home crying from the group of kids because of name calling, I remember my mum telling me to ignore them. ‘Kids can be cruel’, she said.

It seems to be a given that, at some stage in their young lives, kids will be teased about their appearance or their character.

I had big front teeth, didn’t always wear the newest, trendiest trainers and I didn’t ‘join in’ with the other kids games. Games such as throwing stones at passers by or tormenting the old man who was thought of as the local ‘wierdo’. I didn’t smoke or drink to look tough in front of my mates and I didn’t like to swear. I was an easy target for 12 year olds to pick on in an estate where you had to look after yourself to survive it.

However, I was very good at football. This, between young peers, can be a golden ticket that saves you from years of bullying. Despite my lack of ‘coolness’ in my appearance or my actions, I’d be one of the first to be picked on their team when it was time to play footy.

‘We want Ducky!’ they would shout as the team captains picked their teams. Ducky was my nickname because of my last name, Duckworth. And even if I went back to the estate today in Leeds 9, I would get a call from across the road by a bloke in his 40’s shouting ‘Ducky! Alright mate!’

I was, despite a few incidents of name calling, a child who escaped awful bullying. Football and a cool nickname saved me. And into my teen years, after a series of playground fights with other kids, I was never bullied or even heard a hint of name-calling. Seemingly, my ability to have a scrap in the playground was pretty useful too. Kids rarely picked on a kid who could fight back. But these days I worry about the kids.

Kids might have received a bloody nose and a ripped shirt that they’d have to explain to their mum after a scrap in the playground. But these days I worry about weapons being carried. That never entered my head as a kid as I readied myself against the school bully. Today it would.

But anyway, as my mum said, kids can be cruel. So where do they get it from?

My concern is that if we as adults normalize bullying then our children will see this as perfectly normal behaviour too. I made a decision this week to take myself off of Facebook. I share pictures of family life and work life on Instagram which is fine for what I want to use it for, but I found that Facebook was getting out of hand. I’ll tell you why.

Last week a well known UK television presenter wrote an article in one of the biggest selling newspapers about Meghan Markle. What he said, in my opinion, should never have been published. It incited violence and gave his readers a reason to ‘hate’ a woman who was already vilified by the UK press. This was adding fuel to an already very raging fire.

On Facebook I read so many comments that were congratulating the article. The words which they used to attack Megan Markle were disgraceful. Any attempts to call out the bullies were met with comments about being ‘woke’ or a ‘snowflake’.

Is that where we are at now as a society?

A couple of years ago a young woman took her own life because of the negative publicity she was receiving about her personal life. Caroline Flack was a TV presenter who, on screen, was confident and bubbly. But the UK press hounded her about her off screen troubles. A ‘Be kind’ hashtag became popular and it seemed that, maybe, the press knew it had gone too far in its reporting of Flack. But unfortunately, if the latest media target has anything to go by, it is back bigger and uglier than ever.

Name-calling, trolling and hate speech has been normalized.

Last year I helped an elderly man with a few techniques in the gym so that he could walk easier. He loved to go for walks with his wife but was struggling. Each time he saw me in the gym he would say ‘Shay! Because of what you have shown me, I am getting stronger on my feet again!’ His confidence in the gym had grown and he seemed to have a spring in his step again.

But just last week, I asked him how his exercise routine was going and he said that he had stopped doing it. Two men had started to comment and laugh at him every time he started his exercises. What they thought was ‘banter’, was having a serious impact on the older man’s experience in the gym and therefore his health. He will only use the treadmill now which is in a different section of the gym to where the two men train.

Our words and our actions can impact other people’s lives. We have a choice of whether we want to use our words and actions for good or for bad. We don’t always realise how profound our words and actions can be.

But if you are ever unsure, as a general rule of thumb, just be kind.