If you can remember Brie Vandercamp from the US drama Desperate Housewives, you would get the idea of what my wife is like in the lead up to an event. Whether it be one of our boys birthday parties, Christmas day or as it was on this occasion the Queen’s Platinum Jubilee street party, Lou will spend hours in the kitchen baking and making the day really special for everyone.
Our boys get involved in the baking too, but on the whole, they have to put up with Lou stressing in the kitchen and me running about trying to be sous chef. Our two boys, aged just 8 and 5, are very patient with us!
They understand pomp. I hate pomp and I hope that our kids do when they grow up too, but they understand that it is something that grown ups do sometimes. We entertain guests. We show off our freshly baked buns. We take a neighbour to see our newly fitted kitchen. We invite friends round to watch the footy on the 60 inch state of the art TV on Sky. Us grown ups love it.
For some it’s a case of showing off a skill at something and being able to showcase it to our friends. Or perhaps it’s splashing the cash to appear affluent or doing well in life. For others it might be the regalia of dressing up and enjoying the limelight.
At some stage, our boys have seen this from us as parents and from others around them. Yet, although the event is important at the time (after all who wants an over baked bun) it is nothing but pomp and circumstance. It means nothing.
I’m not interested in my eldests new footy skill or spelling results. I’m not bothered about when my youngest first ties his shoelaces or his table manners.
As I tucked my youngest into bed tonight I whispered ‘Thank you. Thank you for being you.” I don’t care what anybody else thinks he is good at or not good at, I just love the person that he is. He should know this. He should love himself. He should love himself for being himself. I know I do.
So far, I have two boys that believe in God, love the UK royalty and what they stand for and want Aston Villa and Barcelona to win everything. I don’t have the same views. But I will facilitate their own beliefs, views and wishes without my own prejudices. I am not always right in what I believe in, but it’s right for me. The same goes for them. They still believe in Santa. If they still believe in Santa when they’re 30 then I’ll be jealous because they haven’t become a sinical old git like me.
I have been accused before of shunning the Union Jack flag. I don’t wave it with patriotic pride. But I wouldn’t wave any countries flag with pride. I’m proud of being an Earthling. I just think that flags and anthems can be a barrier to being a better Earthling. So today, as much as I appreciate that I am privileged to live in a relatively safe country, celebrating an institution I consider outdated was out of my comfort zone. But I did it because my family wanted to be a part of a celebration that was important to them.
I will teach my boys right from wrong. But I want them to make their own minds up on so much about what life will ask of them on their own. They will make mistakes but the biggest mistake they could make is being afraid of making one at all. Make decisions. Make choices. Make bad ones. Make good ones. But son, make one and learn from it.
They’ll get caught up in the pomp and circumstance of life as they get older. They’ll want a bigger Christmas tree than the Bennetts from number 39 one day. They’ll strive for 5 bedrooms rather than 4 when they’re a home owner. They’ll want to show off their first ever car to a partner. They’ll want adoration from somebody else.
I just hope that they realise that getting someone else’s approval shouldn’t be what makes them happy in life. Their happiness depends on their own perception of themselves, not what others allow them to believe.
Never Give Up PT 