Meditation And Me

Sat alone or in good company in a safe space can be a perfect time to think, contemplate, dream, breath…

(sigh) I need to breath. When the weight becomes too unbearable to carry, my breathing makes it lighter. Every single breath. Inhale deeply my hope . Exhale sharply my worries.

I meditate to let it all go and bring in new challenges and restored belief to my life. To keep me grounded. To allow a vision into my future with past thoughts disabled and to think of my mortality.

My wife has just come back from a weekend retreat to the Madhyamaka Meditation Center near York which was, by all accounts, a great way to reset the mind. I’m hoping to go soon so I will tell you of my experiences when I return. Although this is Buddhist practices I am happy to engage with this type of meditation. I’m not religious. I’m very much an atheist and a weekend retreat to any religious facility won’t change that. However, there are many rules, practices and beliefs that an atheist humanist will live by that run parallel to many religions. Being kind to one another, being charitable, treating everyone equally, not focussing on materialistic things should all be stuff that we live by, religious or not. And meditating, perhaps something similar to prayer, is another that I choose to do.

Yet, my meditation is not asking anyone else or anything for help or advice. I’m asking myself for strength, clarity, a direction and sometimes closure.

When we lived in Leeds most of our friends where we lived were Christians. I guess as we became friends with one couple with a child of the same age it opened it up to begin friendships with their circle of friends too. I was often left a little jealous at what a great community they had formed with family gatherings, fêtes and trips. We were often invited and we attended some events so my envy didn’t stem from exclusion. It was simply that they had a bond and a belief together that was mightier than what we had with them. In my mind we would always be the outsiders.

As a kid I would pray for my family to live forever, or to do well in an exam, or for Charlotte who sat at the front of my class in Maths to at least look at me. I remember praying for Liverpool to win the Premier League too. Perhaps if God does exist he thinks that I did wrong so he put Pep Guardiola in the Premier League to punish me.

But that was my only experience of praying to a God and, just like with the bond that our friends had, there were slight envy towards those who prayed and felt reassured by it.

But I can’t pretend to believe in a God and my ‘spirituality’ only extends as far as science can offer an explanation. Whilst many religions believe in some sort of afterlife or reincarnation, my intrigue lies with the physicists who claim that our ‘energy’ continues after death. And if we are to believe the first law of thermodynamics then energy cannot be created nor destroyed. Energy can be transformed from one form to another or from one place to another but the total energy will remain unchanged. Therefore, every bit of heat, vibration and every wave of particle belonging to each and every one of us will be a part of the universe forever.

My method of meditation calls upon this energy. Sometimes I need to ask myself to find this energy to find the strength at certain times in my life. Perhaps this is how people feel in prayer? As a theist believes that there is a God out there to give them strength, I believe that there is energy and my moments of meditation is a chance for me to find it.

Traditionally, mine and many others methods to meditate will be to find a quiet place and focus on breathing. This is how I was first taught to meditate. Yet over the years I have found that the gym is also a perfect place. This might seem absurd to people. After all, we think of peaceful environments, not listening to grunting men and Dua Lipa blasting out of the speakers. But there are similarities to meditation and training. And the term ‘training’ is important here, as when we workout we are training our body to breathe correctly as well as the mechanical movements that we ask of it. We repeat the process over and over. The same motions, time under tension and our breathing techniques are practiced to give you change, strength and confidence in ourselves. To master it you need to practice for years. Training the body works alongside training the mind. Therefore I often train in a half meditative state. That is my focus. Oh, and in no way do I think I’m superior when I say ‘to master it you need to practice for years’. I’m not a master despite my experience. I’m a student and probably always will be.

The only times I truly appreciate my breathing is during training and meditation. Which is crazy when you think that this important function keeps me alive!

Whatever your beliefs, I think that we can all agree that finding your space and your time away from the daily grind is important. It might be in a church during prayer, in the gym or a quiet room at home. Moments of calm can give us a little bit of energy to find our strength to carry on. It becomes YOUR time. And if your life seems out of control sometimes, I’d schedule it in to your diary as a very important appointment. An appointment that you cannot afford to miss.